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“Hey, I think the little man wants to give Fredbear a big kiss!” Michael jeered, hoisting his bawling brother in the air. God, why does he have to be such a baby? They’re just robots! It took the combined strength of him and his friends to lift the struggling child towards the maw of the animatronic. Michael laughed hysterically. “Come on Evan, give him a smooch!” They four shoved Evan at the bear, guffawing. Evan continued to kick and scream, tears streaming down his face as his head entered the jaws of the animatronic. “Come on, you-” Michael began. He didn’t finish his sentence, for in that moment there was a sudden crunch of metal against flesh.
The laughter ceased. The entire place seemed to fall silent. Michael couldn’t move; he stared with mounting horror and shock as he realized what he had just done. Blood trickled down the golden fur of Fredbear’s jaw. Lodged between its metal teeth, suddenly clamped shut…was the crushed head of Michael’s brother.
“Evan?” Michael barely croaked out. He was shaking. This can’t be real. He couldn’t believe he’d just- It wasn’t meant to go this far…
“EVAN!” Michael screamed, climbing onto the stage, desperately trying to pry open the metal machinery, hoping, praying against all hope that he hadn’t just- just murdered his brother. It wouldn’t move. Michael couldn’t hear anything, everything was a blur, his heart beat rapidly in his chest. Blood was everywhere. He hadn’t seen him move but he realized Jeremy was trying to help him get Evan free. They both pulled and pulled at the creature’s metal jaws.
At last the lower jaw clattered to the ground and Evan fell with it. Michael couldn’t tear his eyes away from the horrific image. His brother’s head was barely recognizable, misshapen and covered in red. Michael couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to.
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Michael stared at the hospital waiting room floor. He didn’t dare look his father in the eye. William hadn’t said a word to him about it yet, but he could feel the hatred emanating off of him. And who can blame him? Michael thought. I. KILLED. EVAN. I killed-
“I’m afraid there’s nothing that can be done. He’s not dead yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Evan- he won’t be waking up again.” Michael wasn’t sure which doctor or nurse or whomever such person was talking. He couldn’t care less, really. All that mattered was that Evan wasn’t dead yet. There was still a chance…maybe he could say something to him. Maybe he would hear… before he’s gone.
Michael looked up. “Can I see him?” he asked shakily. The woman smiled at him sadly. “Of course, dear. Right this way.” Michael stood up to follow her, but William grabbed his arm. Michael was forced to look back and make eye contact with his father. The barely contained rage he saw in that face would be etched in his memory forever. Michael couldn’t bear it. He yanked his arm away. William didn’t attempt to hold on.
Once Michael found himself sitting next to Evan’s bed, he asked the nurse for a moment alone, to which she agreed. He stared at the bandaged up head, the small body of his brother lying there, peacefully. He was so still, so uncomfortably still. “Evan…” Michael sat there for a long time thinking of what to say. “Can you hear me?” It was a stupid question; Evan couldn’t answer. “I don’t know if you can hear me,” Michael said. “I-” He choked. “I’m sorry.” Michael began to sob. “I’m so sorry Evan!” The tears kept falling. He couldn’t stop. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to his brother’s shoulder, crying into the sheets and nearly knocking over a potted flower in his desperation to be closer to Evan. He could feel him, he was right there.
But I can’t reach him!
The door burst open. Michael tried to stop crying but could barely hold the tears in. William was standing in the doorway holding Evan’s favorite plush toys. Michael noticed with the barest hint of amusement that Foxy’s head was still missing. It all seemed like such a funny joke at the time, he thought bitterly. He felt William’s reproachful glare on his back as he walked out of the room. As soon as he was sure no one could see, he let the tears begin to fall again. Ugly, uncomfortable sobs. Messy. He could tell what his father had been thinking, that Michael didn’t have the right to cry about this after what he’d done. And he didn’t, but he couldn’t stop.
He kept going over it in mind, again and again. The teasing, the laughing, the lifting Evan in the air, and-
It was all his fault. I should be the one in that hospital bed, if there was any justice in this world.
I should be dead, but I’m not.
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School went by unremarkably. Michael couldn’t pay attention in class, but that was nothing new, it was just for different reasons now. He could barely stand to look at his friend’s faces now. Harry and Oliver had frozen at the party. Afterwards they insisted none of it had been their fault. “It was just a prank! How were we supposed to know it would do that?!” Michael hadn’t bothered arguing any further, but ever since he hadn’t been able to speak to them. Jeremy and him still talked occasionally, but it was mostly just a hello in the halls every day and little else.
At home, Michael mostly stayed in his room. William hadn’t yelled at him about any of it, but he barely spoke to him, and whenever they sat down for meals he would look at him coldly. They visited Evan in the hospital every day until he died. Michael kept apologizing, it was all he could think to say. He never stayed when William came in, but he had overheard him trying to cheer Evan up by doing funny voices and acting as his Spring Bonnie character. Load of good that’ll do him. Who knows if he can even hear you?
Eventually Evan’s heart stopped beating and they stopped visiting. The funeral was a boring, by-the-numbers service. Michael barely knew anyone attending, except for Henry, and…
And Jeremy. Jeremy had been there. Afterwards, the two walked behind the rest of the guests heading home. “I didn’t think to ask the others to come. Do you think I should’ve? It might not have crossed their minds to…well, honor the-” Jeremy was cut off by Michael. “I don’t think they think we did anything wrong,” Michael said. “Do you?”
Jeremy didn’t say anything for a bit. “I-” He inhaled. “This has been hard for me to admit to myself, but you’re right. Sort of. We didn’t kill your brother, it was an accident.” Michael opened his mouth to argue, but Jeremy stopped him. “I know, I know, you’re relentlessly determined to hate yourself and by extension us. I’m not saying we didn’t do anything wrong. We-”
“I bullied him. It seemed like all fun and games, spook the crybaby and all that, but I don’t think I realized just how much Evan was hurting. He was so terrified and all we could do was laugh, I mean-” Michael couldn’t put it into words. “God, what kind of person am I?”
Jeremy put his arm around Michael’s shoulders. “The kind of person that can realize what they’ve done wrong. The fact you were even able to admit to being a bully just now already says a lot. I hope…I hope I’m able to be like you. Like I said it’s been tough to admit that I was part of something really horrible. But it’s better than being in denial like Harry and Oliver.” He moved his arm back and stepped away from Michael. “I get if you’re not able to talk to me again after this. I wouldn’t want to either.”
Michael grabbed his arm. “I’d be a hypocrite if I did that. I was in charge of the whole thing, you were just-” He didn’t finish. Jeremy sighed. “We’re both really shitty, aren’t we?” He asked. “Yeah…well…like you said, admission of guilt is the first step…or something.” The two stood an arm’s length from each other, Michael still gripping onto Jeremy. “I’ve done something terrible. You helped. I wouldn’t blame you for walking away from this friendship either.”
“I don’t want to do that,” Jeremy said. Michael noticed a tear falling down his cheek. Jeremy grabbed Michael’s arm and pulled him into a hug. Surprised, Michael returned the gesture, embracing Jeremy as well. It felt…comforting. A few long moments later, the two broke apart. Michael turned and looked down the street to see that they had fallen quite behind.
“Your dad certainly didn’t wait for you,” Jeremy commented. “Shall I walk you home?”
“Okay,” Michael said gratefully. The two began walking side by side, and Michael almost began to feel like things might be okay soon.
Almost.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, Evan. But if it takes the rest of my life, I will make up for what I did to you.