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There was much that could be said about the length of absence Crosshair had from his batch mates. That innate sense of displacement that they had all gotten used to on Kamino now permeated the very ship that they used to call home.
Hunter’s little welcome hadn’t helped things either. He’d had to shuffle away into the bunk area just to get away from his glaring eyes. It didn’t matter either way since he could still feel Hunter peering over his shoulder in there. The knowledge of his ori'vod’s heightened senes created this premonition of his presence, just when he wanted to get away from him the most.
There had been so many adventures between their last encounter on the battle field. So many perils and late nights spent toiling over the few jobs they could get. Blaster fire whizzing past their heads, and he wasn’t there to help. Not to mention the aching nights that must have followed Tech’s death.
That was another thing, his brother who had been one of the most reasonable about his choice was gone. His expressions of a more logical appreciate to life and advice on the technical matters of a situation were this aching pit that Cross was just getting introduced to. He’d missed his vod, sure, but with the knowledge that he was still out there, just on the other side. Now he was rotting somewhere on a forest floor because, from what Omega said, he had pushed to save him. He’d never have been in that situation if he hadn’t sent that message. If he’d just let events play out on their own and hadn’t risk his head, then Tech may still be standing there with them.
They’d suffered through all of this, but he hadn’t suffered with them. Mayday was the final straw that broke him but his lose couldn’t compare to being there for the death of a Vod. He didn’t pretend to understand what was going through their head as they kept going, but it didn’t make him feel any better about being there.
It was common for him to slink away and disappear into the shadowy corners around Pabu and the Marauder. Displacement at it’s finest, but it was the best he could do with what was around him. He knew he was safe but now all the personal issues he’d left behind were trigger points ready to explode. And he wasn’t sure he could handle all the anger that would come with that.
“Sulking doesn’t help things you know.” Cuts through the chilled beach side air.
Cross had found a nice cubby like rock when he’d first been exploring. It hid his body well enough and gave him a decent vantage point of the coast line at his feet, but it did neglect anything coming at him from his left. Which constituted the sudden appearance of Omega. Once more turning up to chastise him for not making an effort to talk with his aliit.
The salty air nipped at his throat as he retorted, “I wouldn’t exactly call what I’m doing sulking.”
“You’re hiding in a hole in the wall and not talking to anyone.”
“I still wouldn’t call that sulking. Sulking is what happens when we run out of rations and Wrecker is hungry.” Omega let out a small laugh, “What I’m doing is called contemplating. I would have thought Tech taught you the difference.”
“Tech wasn’t the best teacher when it came to matters of emotion.” She walked further out towards the water. “It was actually Nala Sa that taught me how to differentiate emotions. She said it would be helpful when watching the other clones.”
“Good to know you were always watching us.” He said it as a smile appeared at the edge of his lips, “I’m sure you enjoyed all our little forays into fighting out fellow Regs then.”
“They were entertaining enough, but I didn’t exactly understand the point sometimes. They normally wouldn’t do anything that egregious when you all would finally snap.”
“It sent a message. Sometimes we just needed to remind them that we were more well equipped then them. When we were cadets it would only last for a few months. Things got easier once they gave us the Marauder.”
Omega turned toward him and deep blue abyss behind her highlighted how small she was compared to it all. She may have been created for them, but she was still so young. It made Cross almost wish that she’d been made like them. Just so it would be easier to protect her. “You had a strong hold to protect yourself then.”
“We had a home for ourselves. It was tight, it was messy, and it was rough but it was ours. Kamino was where we were born but it was never really our homes. Not with the Regs roaming around.”
“I thought you were upset when it was destroyed?”
“We can still be upset and acknowledge that there were bad memories there. We’re a endangered species now, Omega. There will never be clones like us again.”
The wind picked up spraying the two of them with the sticky salt water. It almost felt like it was howling their pain for them. Screaming out into the nothingness of the sea so that their own lips wouldn’t have to utter the sound.
It ran through Crosshair’s veins and he barley held back his own wail of anger. So much had been taken from them in barely two years. Their identities as soldiers were being stripped from them, their home was suffocating under the crashing waves, and their existence was now going to be nothing but a blip in history give or take twenty years.
They were here right now, but within a century that wouldn’t mean anything. The children of the Empire would have to read about them in text books, if they were even lucky enough to be featured in that.
Not to mention the personal loses being experienced by every clone on either side. He’d heard Wrecker mention that Rex had recruited Echo to try and fight for the clones the Empire was stashing away, and he could imagine the cost that could take in lives.
And of course Tech fell in there as well.
It was just too much for one person to handle.
They were clones though. They’d learned to move on from losing vods easy, but that didn’t mean that it still didn’t have it’s sticking power at the worst of times.
“I don’t expect you two to have everything worked out right away.” Omega eventually said. Once more smashing Crosshair back into his surroundings. “I just want him to stop looking at you like you’ve done something wrong.”
“But I have. I left you all behind for the Empire, and I got what was coming to me.”
“I know all that, but what I mean is I want him to stop wondering what you did to end up back here. The way he looks at you, I already know what he’s thinking. He wants to know what has happened to you. That’s all he wants to know.”
“And if I’m not comfortable with telling him that yet?”
“Then at least give him something to work with. If he at least has an idea of what went down then he might start to lay off you.”
“Or it could give him more of a reason to lay into me.”
Omega huffed, she crossed her arms and glared at his rock. “I just want you two to start having that conversation. It’ll be better for both of you in the long run.” Crosshair couldn’t find a good answer to that one right away. Which led Omega to let out a resigning sigh, “I just want things to start getting better now that we’re back.”
“I’m sure, as far Hunter is concerned, things have already started to get better now that you’re here.”
“It’s more than that, Crosshair. I know they went so quickly into trying to find me that they didn’t have any time to deal with-”
The rock may have looked tight against his body but Cross had formed a knack for slipping in and out of tight spaces easily. So it didn’t take very long for him to hear the warble in Omega’s voice and make his way over to her. He put a hand on her shoulder as he said, “They’ve had plenty of time to deal with both issues, Omega. There is no need to worry about what they may or may not have done while you were gone. What’s done is done. If they need more time to deal with what happened to our vod then make that time. But you don’t need to be the one worrying about it.”
He watched as she tentative reached her arms out before pulling them away. With his own heavy sigh he leaned down enough and gave her a good squeeze. He felt his shirt get a little wet as he did, but then it was replaced with Omega returning the gesture.
After hat felt like a minute he awkwardly recommended, “I think it would be a good idea if we start heading back now. Hunter must be worried sick looking for you.”
The two of them pulled away from each other with that recommendation. Omega whipped her nose as she nodded though, and Crosshair offered out his hand. “These rocks can be steep, and Hunter will do more than yell at me if you fall.”
A smile peaked out from behind her sleaze at that, “You’re just using that as an excuse.”
“What ever makes you happiest.” He revolved, though his own small smile couldn’t help but peak out behind his usually stern face as he helped Omega get back into town.
The conversation wasn’t much, but it was as good enough reminder of any that he still had a place within the order of things. Even if that meant he would have to break down a few walls to be a little more child friendly.