Chapter 1: Abs and Nerves of Steel, a Will of Iron, and a Heart of Gold
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"All right, easy does it now! Slow and steady wins the race!" Yuka's face was inches from Weronika's arms as she slowly brought them together, the weights of the gym machine rising slowly behind her chair as she did so.
I already know all this stuff! Weronika thought crossly. She was a gym buff back when she was still in America! But here this annoying Yuka girl was acting like her first day in Japan was also her first day in a gym! Weronika already knew about the importance of posture and repetition. It wasn't just how fast or hard one could go, but how long they could go while maintaining form.
That was why Yuka was inspecting Weronika's arms so closely, calculations flying through her mind as she ensured that Weronika's posture was perfect. It was funny, despite both of them being jocks and athletes of rival DJ units forced together by the hands of fate, capable of speaking English and Japanese, that was where the similarities ended. Appearance-wise, they were different. Personality-wise, they were opposite.
Weronika was the big, bad bully, the jerk jock. Yuka was the gentle giant. She was a golden retriever without fur, although in Weronika's opinion, real golden retrievers were awesome while Yuka was just annoying.
If she's a puppy, I'm a wolf! Weronika thought, smirking to herself as she flexed her muscles.
Yuka, meanwhile, continued to cheer her on, flashing Weronika a thumbs up as she gave her best shot at English. "Nice! Awesome! Super cool!"
I can speak Japanese, ya know? Weronika thought crossly again. They might've known the same languages, but Weronika could've said her Japanese was better than Yuka's English. Heh. Guess there IS someone dumber than me at learning languages. Take that, Elsie!
As a proud, haughty Italian-American, Elsie Largo constantly flaunted her fluency in Italian language, history, culture, and fashion, never mind that Weronika Seperack was equally fluent in Polish, and Sophia was actually the worst of the quartet at learning English. But Elsie still took every opportunity to play up the dumb jock trope and taunt Weronika mercilessly. Imagine if she heard Yuka's English!
Despite the stereotype, both Weronika and Yuka were actually smarter than it may have appeared at first glance. Weronika proved that, knowing three languages well enough to live in any of the three associated countries, but she did not grant Yuka the same grace. Perhaps it was Yuka being blonde, but Weronika still couldn't help but disdain Yuka as at least slightly dumber than her.
As they moved onto the next part of their work-out, pedaling side by side on stationary bikes, Yuka glanced at Weronika, still smiling, just like always. "Hey, Weronika, I wanted to thank you for coming with me to the gym so often."
"Gotta stay fit somehow," Weronika grunted. She was a dancer, after all. Yuka bit back a chuckle, but only just barely.
"You know? I can tell it's because you're trying really hard to work on your anger, and I think that's admirable."
"What?!" Weronika's legs slipped, and even though the bike was stationary, she still managed to nearly fall off the side as the pedals smacked her shins, still spinning. Good thing it wasn't a treadmill! Once she managed to recover her wits and dignity—and Yuka her ability to maintain a poker face and not laugh—Weronika demanded to know what Yuka meant by what she said.
"I was just thinking about the first time you came in here," Yuka said, swallowing the last of her laughter. About a week or two ago, Weronika stepped into Yuka's family's gym for the very first time. A misunderstanding caused Weronika to lash out at Yuka, though she later felt bad enough to apologize and promise to make it up to the other girl. She was only just doing her job, after all. Yuka was touched by Weronika's genuine display of vulnerability for two reasons. The first was because of how sweet it was. The second…
"You're not the only one to struggle with anger, you know?" Yuka asked quietly. Despite her bubbly personality, she could have flashes of fury. She was a member of Peaky, after all, she would joke.
Not unlike Abyssmare, Weronika thought, but Yuka wasn't just referring to her DJ unit. It was a lot of things. Her gym-freak parents, her role as a big sis, her natural firebrand personality. They all culminated into a fighter that became Yuka "Jennifer" Sasago. Sometimes, that wasn't a good thing.
"And especially because I'm so strong," Yuka continued, not trying to brag, "I have to be extra careful." She sheepishly told Weronika of a time she broke a rather high-quality camera in a fit of rage when it wouldn't take photos that weren't blurry or warped. One minute, she was slapping the side of it and frowning. The next, shattered pieces were bouncing off her skin and the walls.
"Oooof! That is rough!" Weronika couldn't help but snicker. "Tell the truth? I never had a phone I didn't break because of anger." She sounded torn between pride and embarrassment as she reached into her pocket. The phone didn't look broken at first, but the moment Weronika turned on the screen, the light illuminated a long, large, spiderweb crack that stretched across all the glass.
"Oof!" Yuka winced sympathetically, also snickering. "Yeah, that's what I mean." It was expensive to be angry. But Yuka was more interested in Weronika's phone's wallpaper, a selfie of her and her three little siblings. Yuka immediately thought of her own, one little sister.
Maika… Another commonality was discovered. Aside from the two gym buffs both being the big sis, their desire to nurture their siblings was mutual, though the approaches were different. While Yuka embarrassedly admitted struggling with enabling Maika and not being tough enough with her, Weronika struggled with the opposite.
"That's why I'm here, after all," she grunted, looking all around the gym and bringing the conversation back full circle.
"Yeah… So, kinda like I said before, I guess I just really admire you," Yuka finally admitted. You remind me of me…
"Eh?" Weronika seemed genuinely taken aback, but she cleared her throat and tried to recover quickly. "I mean, yeah, you got a point there about exercise and anger and all that…" It wasn't like Weronika could just drop everything and pick up a set of dumbbells when she was mad, but she did feel better after a nice, long work-out. That was why Weronika kept coming back to Yuka and her family gym despite complaining about Yuka. Yuka was fully aware of this, much smarter and sharper than Weronika gave her credit for, and she was much more merciful, keeping it to herself.
That's all right, Yuka thought with a private smile. This is good for now. She's got abs and nerves of steel, a will of iron, and a heart of gold.
ooo
A few days later, Weronika had the same thought about Yuka, arriving to the gym a little behind schedule.
Stupid Sho! Friggin' Neo! Makin' Elsie 'n me have to stay late after practice like it's friggin' detention or some stupid crap like—!
Weronika pushed open the gym door and stopped dead in tracks. Yuka was standing in front of a rowing machine, fists clenched, back turned to Weronika. Weronika couldn't see Yuka's face, but she could guess…
Yuka suddenly pulled back her fist, and although Weronika's jaw dropped, and she longed to cry out, she was frozen. And then so was Yuka. Even though Yuka was seconds away from punching the malfunctioning rowing machine, she managed to stop just after she pulled back her fist. The next 10 seconds were eternity as she breathed deeply and slowly talked herself down, struggling not to give into the overwhelming urge to punch the stupid machine until it—or her knuckles—were broken, shattered.
Dayum, girl! Weronika thought, eyes widening as Yuka slowly lowered her fist. It stayed clenched for a little while longer, but eventually, she finally relaxed and released. She's got abs and nerves of steel, a will of iron, and a heart of gold!
By the time they got to training, although Yuka was mortified that Weronika had witnessed her entire little, internal conflict, Weronika was genuinely impressed. She waved off Yuka's frantic apologies, shaking her head.
"Nah, man, that was cool. Genuinely cool." She looked at Yuka with newfound respect, just like that very first day…
"Thanks," Yuka smiled weakly at Weronika, blushing slightly as she scratched her cheek. Inside, though, she was squealing. Weronika had no idea how much her words really meant. No more were necessary. They both understood in just a look, just that one exchange.
Alongside Yuka's impressive display of self-control, they were both thinking again of the heart of gold. The reason Yuka talked herself out of punching the rowing machine was because she knew that even though no one was watching, she didn't want to risk accidentally training her brain that lashing out was an acceptable way to vent. What if it escalated to fighting and hitting people? She had a little sister!
Weronika was thinking the same thing, for that was exactly why she was working on her anger. She never hit her siblings, only yelled, but she didn't want it to get further. Seeing Yuka tame the beast was awesome, and it only strengthened Weronika's resolve. Now, anyone who might've wandered past the gym—Abyssmare, Peaky, or otherwise—should they peer in through the windows, had the chance of seeing Weronika and Yuka working out together, spotting for each other, and helping when more than one pair of hands was necessary.
They would've thought Weronika and Yuka lost their minds, but in truth, Yuka had simply tamed the beast.
"So, whaddaya say, "Coach"? Wanna get started? Cuz that was just a warmup!" Weronika rested her hands on her hips confidently as she cocked her head at the rowing machine. Her impromptu intervention was a bigger success than she realized, and Yuka's self-conscious look instantly became a smile. It made her look like a puppy again, only this time, Weronika didn't find it quite so annoying.
"Game on!" Abs and nerves of steel, a will of iron, and a heart of gold.
Notes:
AN: I wanted to write something like this since their card dropped, but for some reason, it was only about an hour ago that I randomly got the words I needed to. Also since it was only about an hour ago, #NoBeta! (Again, LOL!) Minor edits, but forgive any major errors missed.
Also, ship name Yukonika? LOL!
Chapter Text
Hup! One… two… three… Hup! Trying to focus solely on the steady up and down motion, Weronika shut her eyes and grit her teeth, hands tightening around the bar. She hung with her chin above it before slowly lowering herself down, then back up again. Even though her movements were controlled, there was something raging and rampaging inside. THAT STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!
She did not cross paths with her father often, and for good reason. The old geezer, the fat fuck, might've been the one to teach her how to sing in the past, but any shred of goodness he used to have was long gone by now.
Years of his own mental and emotional issues had worn him down beyond repair, not because he was forever broken, but because he was in too deep and unwilling to learn anew at his ripe old age. He made excuses for himself, handwaved her every concern, deflected blame onto everyone else except himself. Woulda had better luck talking to a fuckin WALL!
Weronika snarled, a growl escaping her lips as her arms trembled, but she refused to stop until the fire inside was all burned out. God, and I fucking HATE that I'm just like him! It's like looking into a funhouse mirror!
She'd stare into his eyes and only see her own staring back, hideous and hateful, eerily closer and closer to his every single day. Fuck me!
Another gasp escaped her, a sob. She still continued to raise and lower herself steadily, but some of the anger was burning into despair. It didn't matter how hard she tried to outrun it; she couldn't escape the beast inside. She could claim all she wanted that she was trying to break the generational curse, but… was she really?
Fuck me… I still get so ANGRY with him sometimes… Not EVEN just him. She would lash out at her unit mates too. It went beyond simple annoyances or teasing. There were moments when they would make an honest mistake and she would punish them severely.
"You fuckin' dipshit dumbass! You outta be locked in a looney bin! Are you, like, mentally slow, or something?!" she'd snarled at Sophia when the girl had wondered out loud how much the Abyssmare Weronika resembled "Big Sis" Weronika.
Now, Abyssmare's dancer prided herself on being a good—no, excellent—big sister above all else. Although poor Sophia had no idea, she'd practically dive-bombed onto a landmine, touching upon one of Weronika's deepest-rooted triggers. Unearthing that, Sophia unearthed all the other baggage brewing within the Seperack household. Yeah, Weronika was a bit of an asshole to everyone, but what the FUCK?!
Like fuckin Hell I'm a bitch like this to my siblings! Unlike YOU, I actually love them! They're the only god damn thing worth loving. Case in point, you stupid fuck… It was unusually hostile, even for her, especially since Sophia was the "aggressor", but Weronika saw red. Fucking saying she mistreated her siblings? When she was trying so damn hard to be better than their father? Was the generational curse impossible to break? This is why the fuck I don't wanna get married and have my OWN kids…
She'd served her time helping raise Mick, Johnathan, and Marie. Did she really want to risk becoming an abusive parent or partner to her own family? It was not talked about often, but patterns at home often repeated down the line. If Weronika was used to a family that was always defensive and never willing to admit fault, she would likely be the same in a relationship, and that was how generational curses spread.
With a sigh, she finally dropped to the floor, releasing the bar. She brushed herself off and looked around for a moment, wondering what to do next. She felt less angry, but she still wasn't calm, per se. Her eyes swept past the front desk. Yuka Sasago was usually thereabouts, or maintaining the equipment, but she didn't work that particular day. Weronika didn't particularly mind, but upon reminder of the bubbly blonde, she thought about the last time she'd come to the gym angry.
And then there was that time I saw HER about to get mad and punch some workout equipment… Weronika recalled. To her amazement, Yuka managed to restrain herself at the last possible second and NOT punch the machine, even though it was only just a machine and nobody else was there (well, Weronika was, but Yuka hadn't been aware, and Weronika had only walked in about a second earlier). Weronika gained mad respect for Yuka after that day, and even a bit of envy that Yuka was able to restrain herself BEFORE exploding.
Ugh, meanwhile, my dumbass bitchass just keeps digging my own grave deeper and deeper and now I gotta go die in it… She sighed again. It was such bullshit! And as evidenced by her thoughts, she had no issue in treating herself just as poorly as she did others. Mannnn… I don't wanna apologize to my old mannnn!
No, Weronika still wasn't ready to go home just yet. She could feel it in her temper.
ooo
But even after the girl was physically spent, leaving the gym chugging a water bottle with her sweat towel slung across her shoulders, she still didn't immediately return to Abyssmare's apartment. Was it guilt that kept her away…?
No! Weronika's face twisted in a snarl, but discomfort flickered in her eyes. Yes… Maybe… A little…
With another sigh, she continued to peruse the city, and eventually stumbled upon a chapel.
"KURUMI!"
"Heh, heh, HEH! You can't catch me, Chairman!"
A familiar, angry voice—followed by a slightly less familiar and far more taunting voice—echoed from the front lawn of the chapel and Weronika craned her neck just in time to see a redhead go sprinting after a shorter, white-haired chick. Smirking, Weronika paused to watch from a distance, arms crossed. After a moment, though, the white-haired girl in the lead noticed Weronika standing there watching.
"Hey! You there! What are you looking at?!" She shouted, but there was no venom in her voice.
"Huh?" The girl chasing after her skidded to a halt when she also caught sight of—"Weronika!"
"Haruna." The name was out of Weronika's mouth before she could stop herself.
"Oh, you two know each other, huh?" Kurumi's eyes shifted back and forth between the other two as she smirked deviously.
"Tea ceremony," Weronika grunted as she finally drew near, arms falling to her sides.
Somehow, the dancer got suckered into a conversation with the two Lyrical Lillies. As per usual, Haruna was trying to stop Kurumi from setting up a prank for the next service. Then the questions turned to Weronika.
"I was… at the gym," she muttered, suddenly looking away. Haruna caught the change in tone instantly, and even Kurumi—who knew Weronika even less than Haruna—could tell that something in the air had just shifted.
"Something the matter, Weronika?" Soft concern.
"Come onnnnn, you can tell us, I promise!" A wide smile.
Weronika's guard remained up, but after a short yet intense stare down, she sighed, and her shoulders slumped. What is WRONG with me today…? And she reluctantly was forced to fess up about why she wasn't speaking about the gym with such passion today as she usually would.
"Oh, Weronika…" By the time the dancer's story was over, although she'd hung her head and grit her teeth in angry embarrassment, there was nothing but compassion in Haruna's face and voice. Kurumi, meanwhile, shook her head and tutted.
"That's why all this Original Sin stuff is too harsh, in my opinion," she said.
"Kurumi!" Haruna looked about ready to cross herself and perform an exorcism on Kurumi.
"No, listen, I mean it!" the white-haired girl insisted, unusually fiery. "I'm not saying Weronika wasn't wrong for what she said and did, but man, sounds like you're being kinda harsh on yourself, don't you think?" she asked Weronika innocently, sincerely, eyes wide as she looked up at her.
"I—What?" Weronika muttered.
"I saw somethin' that said that we should try to be as good as WE can, not as good as others insist," replied Kurumi. Of course, there was more nuance to it than just that. Kurumi's viewpoint was rather permissive. But there was a nugget of truth in her words. Those who held themselves to the highest standards often fell the shortest. It was a vicious cycle she did not fully understand, but it felt like the harder one tried to be good, the easier it was to get stuck in the trap of seeing all the ways in which one was NOT good. Seemed counterproductive.
But if one was able to judge one's self according to their own ability, the level of goodness would perhaps feel more attainable. Not all of them were going to be Jesus Christ brave enough to die on the cross for all of mankind. Not all of them were Superman with the power and heart to fly in and save countless lives rather than using that power for selfish reasons. But so what?
"You ever see that starfish thing?" she asked.
"Starfish thing?" Haruna and Weronika both echoed, and Kurumi nodded. As the story went, two people were walking along a shoreline, one of them tossing stray starfish back into the sea.
"Why? You'll never save them all," said the person not throwing the starfish.
"Perhaps not," agreed the one who was. "But to each starfish, that was a life saved." Better some than none. It was dangerous to be too morally perfectionist, lest it give way to Despair when people were unable to attain the impossible goal of Divine Perfection.
"Heck, I even think that's the real point of Jesus' forgiveness and all that stuff," the white-haired girl continued to shrug. Haruna's eye twitched, but she said nothing, and Weronika couldn't help but find herself mildly interested.
Her family back in Poland was more religious than her family in America, since it was just her and her dad and her three siblings who were all far younger than her, and she herself wasn't sure where she stood with God, but Kurumi's perspectives were interesting, if nothing else.
"If we let ourselves be paralyzed by that kind of fear, we'll never do ANYTHING good, so we gotta forgive ourselves so we keep trying!"
"That is… actually… somewhat wise…" Haruna allowed, even though she looked like she'd just swallowed a slug admitting as much. Then she turned to Weronika. "It is true, some consider Original Sin a metaphor for human drives rather than some Curse actually cast by a Devil, and that fits in with the dichotomous model of the Divine and the mundane."
What? Weronika thought.
"It is human to get angry and defensive. We're only trying to protect ourselves from perceived threats. But it is Human to recognize as such and aim to counter such impulses." Empathy, understanding, the ability to suspend disbelief and put oneself in the shoes of another. Even if Weronika still wanted to say she wasn't to blame for her outbursts. It was Sophia's fault for asking a dumbass question about Weronika's family, which she knew fucking NOTHING about. And it was Weronika's father's fault for having the emotional intelligence of a fucking teaspoon despite being her fucking father! He was supposed to show her the way, not the other way around!
But she could suspend disbelief and pretend it WAS her fault. Not for Sophia or her father's sake, but her own. As hurt as she was by her father failing to be what he should've been, there was no use belaboring the past. All she could do was make a vow to herself to do better than him, but that required doing things differently… Every fledging had to leave the nest eventually, and people were sucky at changing unless absolutely pressured to the very brink. So maybe this was a GOOD thing…? It was almost like a secret test from God, if Weronika even believed in such things.
This is your chance to make the choice you won't regret. You can't control your temper always. You WILL lash out many times more before you pass into old age. But the important thing is… how fast do you rebound? How fast do you apologize? Show me what you got.
Weronika sucked in a breath. Her stomach roiled with all sorts of unpleasant, uncomfortable emotions. To apologize to Sophia? To admit she was wrong? Well, she could admit to herself that Sophia hadn't meant any ill will with the question and truly had not known what a landmine she'd stepped on. If Sophia were one of Weronika's siblings, would she have cussed her out even then? The bad feelings surged, fire, fury, and forgiveness.
And her father… No, Weronika would never be sorry for sticking up for herself, and sticking to her guns when it came to his emotional mistreatment, but that didn't mean she HAD to fight fire with fire. It always felt good in the moment, but never in the long run.
Ugh, ok, fine, fine, I fucking get it already, all right? It's not for his sake I'm doing this, but my own. If I really wanna protect my soul, or whatever dumb shit, I have to, like, actually fucking do it. I… gotta… apologize… somehow…
But as with exercise, it took time and practice. No pain, no gain. Weronika wasn't going to reach enlightenment after today alone, but it was a step in the right direction on the path of becoming the person she wanted to. The person that wasn't such a damn fool they could never admit when they were wrong… And that was exactly how she'd been… So, now she HAD to do the different thing, the hard thing, but nothing truly worth the effort was easy. She exhaled slowly before meeting Haruna and Kurumi's gazes again, and she saw Yuka in her mind's eyes.
"All right, all right, I'll see what I can do," she sighed, and for the first time that day, the grumbling reluctance was replaced by resignation, tinged both by fear and hope. She still didn't want to do this, but for the first time in her life, she could see the pay off. Would it set her guilt free? Was that what Kurumi and Haruna were talking about when they talked about Holy Forgiveness, or whatever? Hmph, well, Weronika was no Jesus suck-up, but she could not deny that Kurumi and Haruna were speaking truth, here.
"You go, girl!" Kurumi joked, laughing. Haruna shot her a deadpanning look before turning to Weronika more compassionately.
"Thank you, that really is big of you, we're proud of you."
"Ah! What the-?!" Weronika muttered, recoiling from the praise. Haruna couldn't help but chuckle while Kurumi crossed her arms and smirked.
"Getting complimented by Chairman, eh? You should revel in it more! Either that, or I need to get a crucifix ready."
"Kurumi!" Haruna's face became irritated again while Kurumi continued with her shit-eating grin, and even Weronika had to chuckle. Already, she was planning out in her head what she would say to Sophia when she got home, and what she would she would mail her father…
She exhaled again nervously. Wish me luck!
Notes:
AN: All of Abyssmare has Daddy issues. Mood.
Hell_is_just_a_place on Chapter 1 Fri 15 Mar 2024 07:07PM UTC
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