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James flopped to the side, brushing his sweat-soaked fringe away from his forehead as he tried to slow his breathing. Although his eyes were drooping, post-orgasmic haze threatening to drag him into unconsciousness, he forced them open, not knowing when he’d next get to see this. Severus sought him out so rarely that James had begun to hoard these precious moments, mainly the short time after orgasm and before they would fling themselves back to reality.
Severus was lying next to him, naked chest heaving with every breath and glistening with sweat. His eyes were closed, dark eyelashes fanned across sharp cheekbones. His hair was a dark halo around his head, spread across the pillow, a startling contrast to the bright white of the sheets. His biceps, ropey with lean muscle, flexed as he languidly pushed some hair away from his flushed cheeks. He blinked slowly at the ceiling, a small, sated smile playing at the edges of his thin lips. His head turned towards James and his body lazily followed, his arms loosely hugging around his thin chest as the soft sheets slipped across his hips.
They lay in silence side by side, watching each other. Severus was in a particularly generous mood, allowing James to twist their fingers together and rest their intertwined hands in the small space between them with only a roll of his eyes and a near-silent, annoyed huff.
James watched with quiet dismay, noting his slowing breaths and the tension seeping into every muscle with each passing minute. It would be over soon, Severus’ mask would slip back on and he’d be lost to James until he allowed himself to seek out physical contact again. And James would be back to covertly watching him in their shared classes and in the crowded halls, unable to stop looking, thinking, admiring Severus Snape.
He bit back a sigh, fighting to keep his feelings off his face as Severus untangled their fingers, rolling away and sitting up as soon as they were parted. James gazed at Severus’ pale back, along the sharp angles of shoulder blades peeking out from behind sex-mussed black hair. He wanted desperately to slide close and wrap an arm around that slim waist, to press a kiss against the little, pink birthmark over Severus’ left hipbone, but he knew how unwelcome his touch would be. Each time they did this it got harder to pretend not to care, to be detached and cold so soon after allowing himself to kiss and caress.
Severus would be so receptive, unashamedly chasing the pleasure they created together. And immediately afterwards, when he was sated and relaxed, he would bask in the afterglow, even sometimes allowing James to draw him tight to his chest and exchange sleepy, sweet kisses. Then, after an undeterminable amount of time, he would quickly withdraw, leaving James cold and more devastated with each encounter. He knew something had to change, that his sensitive heart couldn’t keep taking the indifferent rejection and the silence until Severus decided that he wanted to meet again. But James also knew that as long as Severus sought him out, he’d never say no, no matter how much it hurt.
And Severus knew too.