Chapter Text
Fate
Stewy Hosseini finished buttoning his elegant shirt in front of the oval standing mirror in the dressing room. He looked impeccable in the blue Armani suit pants and Italian shoes. All he had to do was comb his hair back, and he would be done. He tilted his head to observe a three-year-old boy on the carpet in the center of the room, who was playing with some Legos. The boy had messy, wavy black hair and giant dark eyes.
"How are you doing, buddy?" Stewy asked the boy. "Will you have dinner and go to bed when Nanny tells you?"
"Uh-huh," the boy replied. He was still focused on his Legos.
Stewy approached him and squatted on the carpet so that he was at his height.
"Because you know daddy has to go out tonight and can't stay with you," the boy nodded with his huge eyes fixed on a block. "But I'll be right back when you're asleep, okay, buddy?"
The boy remained silent.
Stewy ruffled his wavy hair and got up to go to the bathroom to comb his hair and apply perfume. The boy, whose name was Tobby, continued playing in silence. Although he was three and a half years old, he did not speak yet; he only responded with monosyllables like "yes" or "no," or guttural sounds. His father was worried and had taken him to speech pathologists, who could not find problems with his speech therapy device and determined that it was a psychological problem. The boy had started therapy and early stimulation four months ago, and Stewy was anxious waiting for results. Deep in his heart, he blamed himself for his son's lack of language progress, claiming that it was his own depression that had caused it.
Tobby was the son of Stewy and the late Kendall Roy. Kendall's family on his mother's side, the St John Collingwoods, shared, like other ancient aristocratic families, the ability for some of their male members to inherit the condition of bearing a child. It was a condition that very few men had been born with over the centuries, and Kendall had been one of them. He had suspected he had this ability since, while married to Rava, he learned that he was sterile. Generally, according to tradition, men who could conceive were sterile in heterosexual relationships. But it was not until he began a romance with Stewy that he confirmed it when he became pregnant.
They were in Stewy's bedroom, with Kendall standing and Stewy sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I have to tell you, Stew," Kendall announced anxiously, his arms resting on his waist, his eyes nervous. "You can do whatever you want with that information." He remained silent for just a few seconds and then blurted out, "I'm fucking pregnant."
"Really?" Stewy exclaimed, stunned, and stood up.
Kendall nodded.
"What I suspected has been confirmed," he began to speak quickly, his words rushing out. "That's why Rava and I were never able to have children of our own. I always suspected it, my mom told me to take the test, but I didn't want to because I knew that if I confirmed it... and it wasn't until we started having sex... I should have taken that fucking test and..."
Kendall couldn't finish because Stewy hugged him, soothing his words with an effusive kiss.
Stewy remembered this moment while applying perfume in front of the mirror in the large bathroom. He had loved Kendall secretly throughout high school, college and much of his adult life, and openly since they proposed five years ago. At that time, Kendall was undergoing therapy to overcome the failure he felt after losing the CEO position at Waystar. It was during the talks with the therapist that it emerged that he felt attracted to his lifelong friend. Kendall found the strength to invite Stewy to have a few drinks and confess his feelings. That afternoon, they ended up at Kendall's penthouse, rolling around in bed after the best sex they had ever had in their lives. They had not needed any stimulant to have erections and reach orgasm. Stewy hadn't had to resort to drugs to kiss him, nor had Kendall. It was a spontaneous act between two people who loved each other madly for years and needed to give themselves over to sex.
Looking in the mirror, Stewy felt his eyes water. It was devastating. He was still in love with Kendall and was about to go on his first date after losing Kendall in childbirth. No one had been able to explain to him what had happened in the delivery room. Not even with the lawsuit against the doctors and the subsequent exhaustive investigation that was mounted, first by him and then by the Roy family, could it be determined what had happened. Kendall died in that room during the cesarean section right after Tobby was born. It was terrible. Stewy felt like his world was collapsing, and only the presence of his newborn son gave him the strength not to climb to the top floor of the building and jump into a seventy-meter void.
The late Kendall's siblings had been understanding of Stewy and had unceremoniously accepted little Tobby. After the funeral, which Stewy only attended for a few minutes and was unable to carry the coffin—there he only recently understood what Roman had suffered when he collapsed without finishing his father's eulogy—Shiv met with him to inform him that together, she, Roman, and Connor had decided that Tobby was the direct heir to Kendall's exorbitant fortune and his father his administrator. Stewy felt moved by the gesture of trust from those siblings who until not long ago had torn each other apart out of ambition, but the pain that the loss of his great love had left him submerged him in a sea of drugs and alcohol.
He lived in that hell for eight months until his own mother managed to take him to rehab, and Stewy was finally able to get sober for his son's first anniversary. Tobby spent his first year of life with both of his parents absent, and it was his grandmother, Stewy's mother, who took care of him. She did what she could for him, but it was not enough to provide him with the support he needed at such a young age. That's why Stewy blamed himself for the fact that his son now had problems with language development.
Tonight, after more than three years, Stewy would go on his first date with a beautiful woman that a mutual friend had introduced him to. He knew little or nothing about her, only that she liked art, and was not interested in business except to invest in artistic works. She was living in an apartment in the center of Manhattan, although her real residence was in London. She was not English by birth, but one could say she was by choice, and she possessed the wit and fascinating humor of the British. Stewy was hoping that a relationship with her would prosper, and that's why he decided to invite her to dinner.
Before eight, the nanny arrived, a young woman named Anne. Tobby called her "Na" because he couldn't pronounce the word "nanny." Stewy gave her directions, kissed his son's forehead, and left.
………………
Before eleven, Stewy returned home. Anne was waiting for him in the living room to inform him that Tobby had dinner at the agreed time and was now sleeping in his bedroom. He said goodbye to her and went into the dressing room to change. The date had turned out to be a fiasco. Stewy had been at the woman's apartment at the indicated time, and they had gone to the restaurant that she had previously chosen, which his assistant, Kendall's Jess, had reserved.
But he hadn't been able to feel a connection with her. They had dinner while talking about trivial topics to pass the time. Afterwards, he had taken her to her apartment, and inside the elevator, they had kissed. However, as soon as Stewy's lips touched hers, he remembered Kendall's. He remembered the particular, fascinating aroma that emanated from the skin of his late love as his lips parted for Stewy's tongue to explore.
Stewy remembered it in the middle of the kiss, Kendall's scent, his skin, his lips, and the way he opened his mouth so Stewy could slide inside. The friction with his teeth and the immediate erection that the passionate kiss awakened in him. While kissing his date, Stewy felt his dick harden like it did with Kendall because he remembered him, because he still loved him and missed him immensely. The elevator door opened, and Stewy ended the kiss abruptly. He had not been able to continue deceiving himself because he was not kissing that woman but rather the memory of his lover.
"Something wrong?" she asked, surprised.
Stewy shook his head. He couldn't get the taste of Kendall out of his mind. He needed it immensely.
"No, it's okay," he lied and sighed. "Dinner was spectacular, you are wonderful but..."
The woman snorted in disappointment.
"Paul warned me that it wouldn't be easy dating you. It still hurts, right?"
"I'm sorry," Stewy murmured, not leaving the elevator. He waited for her to leave before pressing the button and descending alone.
There wasn't much more to explain or time to delay. The date had been a failure.
Inside the dressing room, Stewy changed out of his suit into a gray t-shirt and black sleep shorts to go to bed. He brushed his teeth and walked by his son's bedroom. Tobby was fast asleep, hugging his inseparable gray teddy bear. This toy was special since Kendall had bought it for his son during the last weeks of his pregnancy while he was preparing the layette. Stewy tucked Tobby in, settled the teddy bear, and kissed his head without waking him.
He went to his bedroom and got into bed. He lay on his back, lost in thought. The only image in his head was Kendall's face. This had happened to him in the first months after Kendall's death. Stewy couldn't shake the memory of his late lover. The only solution he had found at that moment was to take drugs. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and took out a bag of pills. He hadn't taken drugs in more than two years, but tonight he felt so depressed that he thought it would be a good idea to rely on Molly. Stewy took a pill and closed his eyes. It didn't take long for the drug to take effect. Soon, he felt happy, almost as happy as he was when Kendall was alive. He felt glad, euphoric. He put on headphones and looked up the list of songs Kendall had liked and that he kept on his phone. He listened to every rap, every single, and hummed along. He spent the night happy, enthusiastic, without sadness.
Stewy didn't sleep all night, and he didn't miss him all night.
…………………
In the morning, Stewy felt miserable. After so long, he had started using Molly again. He felt like a weak, irresponsible, and terrible father. Loaded with guilt, he went to the bathroom, changed, and had breakfast. In the dining room, they had already left his breakfast ready: cappuccino with waffles. Tobby was eating a bowl of cereal in silence.
Seeing him, Stewy remembered his relapse, and his sense of guilt increased. He kissed his son on the head.
"Hey, buddy," he smiled and ruffled his hair. "Today is Saturday. What do you want to do?"
Like so many other times, Tobby didn't respond and continued eating. Stewy sat in his seat. He took a sip of the cappuccino. The boy drank a sip of orange juice. Stewy noticed that he was watching him and smiled at him.
"Do you want me to take you to the park? To a toy store? How about I take you to Legoland? If we leave after breakfast and take the plane, we can get there for lunch. Would you like to have lunch at Legoland and spend the day there?"
Tobby put down his glass and nodded. His father sighed contentedly.
"So, we'll hurry up to breakfast and I'll prepare the plane," he decided and started typing on the phone.
Anne was in charge of dressing Tobby and preparing a small luggage for him. Stewy also prepared one in case they decided to stay at Legoland until Monday. He had no commitments until Monday afternoon, so they might as well enjoy two full days. Stewy wanted to spend more time with his son because he loved him and hoped to stimulate him by sharing time together.
When father and son were ready and willing to get out to the car, Stewy saw that Tobby had the teddy bear clutched to his chest. The boy took it with him every time he went out somewhere, and the toy was so dirty that it looked brown instead of gray. But his father didn't dare take it off to take it to the laundry because he didn't know when Tobby might need it.
The flight was smooth. Tobby went to bed and slept most of the trip, hugging the bear. When he woke up, Anne made sure he had a snack. Stewy sat comfortably reading messages on his phone. He had one from his friend Paul in which he questioned how their date the night before had ended. Stewy snorted. He didn't feel like answering him, but since this friend had been the link for them to go out, he had to do it out of formality.
"She's a good girl," was the brief message.
Paul quickly replied: "What's up, man? It didn't work?"
Stewy leaned back against the plush headrest of the seat and put away his phone. He didn't have the courage to explain.
They arrived at Legoland in California a couple of hours after noon and had burgers and fries for lunch. While they were eating, Stewy received a call from Sandi Furness informing him that she needed to meet with him immediately. Her father and founder of the company, Sandy, had died four years earlier, and she was now the CEO. It had been just over a year since Stewy had done business with her again, and they were about to close a highly beneficial deal.
Stewy couldn't say no to the meeting, so he asked Anne to take Tobby for a tour of the park while he returned to the hotel to meet Sandi via Zoom. The meeting lasted longer than Stewy had anticipated. At least it was profitable, and they were able to discuss the strategy for closing the deal. Stewy didn't understand why he was still connected to the Furnesses. He had enough fortune, and Tobby had Kendall's opulent inheritance. However, he loved the business world, and it kept him entertained, like drugs, making him forget the pain.
When the meeting ended, Stewy took a bath and texted Anne to meet her and his son at a cafe in the area. Anne responded that they were returning to the hotel.
Stewy went down to the lobby to meet them. Anne arrived looking worried, carrying a disconsolate Tobby who was crying incessantly.
"Tobby lost Teddy," she explained. "We went to all the places I remember where we were, but we couldn't find it."
"Did you talk to the park manager? Did they show you the security cameras? How could a fucking toy just disappear?" Stewy questioned. He tried not to curse in front of his son, but the situation had overcome him. He picked up Tobby in his arms and massaged his back, trying to comfort him. "Hush, hush. We'll find him, buddy," he whispered softly.
The boy clung to his neck, crying non-stop. Stewy decided to go up to the suite so that they would both be calmer. Inside the elevator, carrying Tobby in his arms, he called the efficient Jess to move heaven and earth in the park until the toy appeared. He authorized her to use all influence and pay the reward of two hundred thousand dollars to the person who brought the teddy bear. It was an exaggerated measure, but Stewy was desperate. He adored Tobby and felt guilty for not accompanying him on the walk. He also felt guilty for the months he spent addicted to drugs and not taking care of the little boy. Stewy felt guilty as a father for suffering, and it was something he couldn't help because he was still in love with Kendall.
Inside the suite, he sat on the couch with his son on his lap. Tobby was still crying, but being sheltered by his father was calming him, and now he was whimpering.
"Daddy's going to get Teddy back," Stewy murmured, rubbing his back. "I promise. Daddy is going to make Teddy come back."
Stewy was convinced that with such a large sum as an incentive, the toy would appear in no time. His phone rang with a message, and he barely pushed the boy aside to take it out of his pocket and read it. He expected it to be some news about the bear, but it turned out to be a message from Sandi telling him the date of the next meeting with the managers with whom they would close the deal. Stewy grimaced without putting the phone away. Tobby wiped his eyes and saw the image of Kendall that his father used as wallpaper on the screen.
"Teddy," he whispered.
Stewy looked at him, surprised. The boy never pronounced two syllables in a row.
"What did you say, Tob?"
The boy remained silent and rested his head against his father's chest.
"What did you say, Tobby?" Stewy insisted. "You just said something... Did you say Teddy? Did you call your bear?"
The boy sighed.
His father was excited because he had pronounced a word with two syllables. It was quite an achievement. He forgot about the conflict with the lost toy and thought about calling the speech therapist.
Tobby noticed that his father was happy, and although he couldn't understand why, it was because he had said a word that wasn't monosyllabic. This calmed him even more. He stopped whining and reached up to grab his father's phone. The screen had turned off, and with his small finger, he pressed the button on the side to turn it on. Kendall's photo appeared again, and Tobby murmured "Teddy."
Stewy looked at him blankly. He gently removed his small hand from his phone and looked at the screen.
"This is Daddy Ken, Tobby," he corrected. Confused, he looked at his son and then at the photo. "Why did you call him Teddy?"
Tobby became nervous. He had no way to express what he was feeling and couldn't explain what was happening to him. This made him tense, and he began to stir in his father's lap.
"Hey, easy, buddy," Stewy whispered and held him close to calm him down.
Stewy tried to understand the connection between Kendall and the bear. He remembered a night when Tobby was very young, just after Stewy had overcome his addictions and started a relationship with his son. To help the boy fall asleep, he had told him that Daddy Ken had bought him the toy a couple of weeks before he was born. Stewy had emphasized that it was a gift exclusively from Kendall to Tobby. At that time, Tobby didn't speak a word but smiled before falling asleep holding his Teddy.
Stewy now wondered if at that moment the boy had formed a bond between the bear and his late father. Truth be told, apart from that particular night, Stewy had never talked to his son about Kendall again because he couldn't mention him without getting emotional.
Tobby calmed down slowly. His father continued to comfort him until the boy was just sighing deeply. Stewy closed his eyes, thought about Kendall, and opened them again. His phone rang with a call. It was Jess.
"There is news," she announced. "The toy appeared, unfortunately Tobby dropped it into a fountain and it was left wet and ruined."
"Good," he huffed with relief. "One visit to the laundry and it will be as good as new."
"Um, sorry," Jess muttered. "I have the bear here with me and it is destroyed. When it fell into the fountain, it was absorbed by one of the gutters and it is all broken. It is missing an arm and an eye. Its chest is torn apart. I don't think a visit to the laundry helps, sir."
"Bring the bear, Jess" Stewy resolved. "I'll see how to fix it."
"OK."
Stewy put the phone away and leaned back. He closed his eyes and let himself be carried away by the memory.
He had moved into Kendall's house, and they were living together. There were only a couple of weeks left until Tobby was born. Stewy had planned to propose after the birth and was secretly looking for rings. He had his eye on a simple one with a diamond that seemed to flicker like the waves of the sea. He believed Kendall would love it because of his passion for water.
That morning, Stewy was sitting in the living room, reading his phone, when Kendall arrived with a bag. He had returned from buying the last items for the layette, which would be sent from the store in the afternoon.
"Hi," Stewy greeted and put his phone away to pay attention to him.
Kendall flopped onto the couch in front of him, feeling tired and bloated. He was stubborn and continued to go out shopping when they could have ordered the items together online. He opened the bag and took out a gray teddy bear.
"Cute," Stewy opined.
"I thought so," he replied. "I bought it from Tobby."
"Fuck, Ken. Are you seriously planning on calling our son that?"
"It's already decided," Kendall asserted firmly. "His name will be Tobias," Stewy rolled his eyes. "I explained to you that I owe it to my dad."
"Shit, Kendall," he complained. "You're calling him that out of stupid revenge. You want to call him a biblical name because your dad hated those kinds of names."
Kendall chuckled.
"Seriously, Stewy. I like that name."
Stewy laughed. He couldn't stay angry for long, not since he was living the best time of his life with the person he loved and the hope of starting a family. Stewy felt that his life was complete; he couldn't wish for anything more. He had Kendall, a healthy son on the way, and the money needed to do whatever they wanted. In fact, they could move to any corner of the world if they wanted and live like kings.
Kendall continued to stare at the teddy bear.
"I saw it in the store when I was picking out the closet. Don't make that face," he laughed. Stewy smiled. "I bought him another wardrobe; you never know how many clothes he's going to have. I stared at this bear and thought Tobby would love it. I had one similar to it as a child, I think it was white or brown, I don't remember well. I adored my teddy bear, and I'm convinced Tobby will do the same with this one too."
Stewy walked over to look at the toy. He was happy that Kendall was enjoying these last few weeks. Instead of complaining about his heaviness and the discomforts of late pregnancy, he entertained himself by preparing the room for his son. With his back to Kendall, he leaned over to look at the bear and breathed in his lover's perfume. He found it irresistible and moved from a crouch to face him. They kissed. Kendall opened his mouth to invite him to enter it, and Stewy's tongue traveled every corner of the roof of his mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Stewy began to moan, excited. Kendall linked his arms around his neck, while his lover grabbed his head. The bear fell to the ground along with the bag when Kendall shifted in the seat to press Stewy closer to him. Stewy lowered a hand searching for his lover's zipper. That's when Kendall broke the kiss.
"I can't go on."
Stewy looked at him, dumbfounded.
"Really, dude?"
"I'm fucking pregnant... I can't."
Stewy stood up, blankly.
"You've been fucking pregnant all these months and you never said no. What's wrong?"
Kendall leaned over to pick up the toy. He wiped it with his hands and pressed it against him.
"I'm embarrassed to tell you, but I'm scared. The cesarean section is scheduled in two weeks."
"Are you scared about surgery?" Stewy asked in disbelief. "The stitches? Really, Ken?"
"I.. it's n…not that," Kendall stuttered.
"So what is it?"
Kendall was afraid that if he said it out loud, his fear would come true. He looked into his lover's eyes. He couldn't lie to Stewy, the friend who had accompanied him unconditionally since Shiv's betrayal and the loss of his position as CEO. He couldn't hide anything from the person he loved.
"I've had a hunch for a while that something bad was going to happen to me, Stew," he confessed and began to hiccup while tears fell from his eyes. "First, I thought it was fear of giving birth, then anxiety about meeting our son, but since yesterday, it became deeper, and I understood that it's the feeling that I am not going to survive."
"Bullshit, Kendall," Stewy exclaimed. "What you have is nothing more than anxiety, something natural and understandable."
Kendall shook his head. He couldn't stop crying.
"This is why I wanted to buy him this bear," he explained through tears. "I'm afraid of never meeting Tobby, and I wanted him to have something special from me."
Stewy felt his anguish and was moved. He was convinced that it was just a natural fear of childbirth, deeper in Kendall because he was a man. However, seeing him cry and suffer hurt him to the core. Without finding words of comfort, he leaned down to hug him and let him cry against his chest.
"It's the first time in my life that I'm completely happy," Kendall cried uncontrollably. "I feel... I feel like it won't last long. I've never been happy for long, Stew... It's my fate... It's my curse."
"Fate... Curse...," Stewy murmured with his eyes closed. The words now sounded like stabs because unfortunately they had come true like a tragic prophecy. Tobby snuggled into his chest, bringing him back to reality.
"Teddy," the boy sighed.
His father caressed his cheek, moved. He also missed "Teddy" dearly.