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Gavin can't believe he's seriously going through something like this.
He's a grown ass man, for fuck's sake. He really shouldn't be so nervous. There's no need to be. After all, it's no big deal. Everything is fine, he's fine. It's not his first goddamn date and usually he's pretty cool dealing with things like that. Well, it's been a while since his last one, but...
Shit, is it actually a date? Okay, fuck. It's not a date. Just a kind of impulsive arrangement about hanging out with him tonight.
So, nothing extraordinary.
Oh yeah, that sounds good, much better. He can live with that, right? Besides, it's just him. A colleague. A reliable partner. A close friend, indeed. And even the significant fact that there's so much more between them now, emotionally and physically, doesn't change the simple truth that it's still just Connor.
Connor. This annoying, idiotic and also incredibly lovable android-detective. A real pain in Gavin's ass.
Just Connor. And that's exactly the problem. Because it's Connor. Does that make any sense? Nope, not at all. Did he talk himself into this mess? Yes, definitely.
Jesus fucking Christ!
To be honest, with every heartbeat that passes, Gavin feels more like a lovesick teenager who's about to have half a heart attack just thinking about dating his crush!
And of all people, this is happening to him. A guy who should actually know everything about this little shitty game. Alright, probably not everything. But the basics, for sure. He knows the ropes. Actually. Jezz, he already had a lot of awesome hook-ups in his sex life!
Why the hell...
So why the hell is he acting like an absolute idiot?!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Gavin has no fucking idea. Fuck! Unfortunately, in the next couple of minutes, as he desperately struggles to bring his hair into shape, he still doesn't find an answer. Frustrated, he finally accepts his fate of ending up looking like an absolute shithead.
With a sigh that echoes at an obscene volume through his bathroom, he leans a little closer to the mirror.
"Okay, screw that," he mutters softly under his breath. "Who freaking cares."
He clicks his tongue, hard and clearly annoyed by himself. Despite this, however, his lips curl into an optimistic grin, more or less. Apart from the shitty mess on his head, everything else isn't that bad. Maybe a bit shabby.
Tilting his head from side to side, Gavin rubs his stubbly cheeks. Perhaps it's time for a shave, but that would be too obvious, right? His outfit? An old baggy shirt and a pair of cosy slacks.The perfect look after a long day of exhausting work.
On the other hand...
Theoretically, he could ...
Without even noticing, Gavin starts tugging at his shirt. Then he flinches, freezing in the middle of whatever he's about to do. Wait a minute! Caught out, he blinks at his reflection. Wait a fucking minute!
Why the heck is he seriously considering changing his goddamn clothes?! Because it's Connor? No way! It's not a date, after all. Not even close. Damn right! Plus, Tina comes round all the time to hang out with him. And then he doesn't give a shit either.
Yes, that's true. But it's not like you were making out with Tina just a few hours ago and you didn't invite her to your place. It's still CONNOR! Who will be here soon. To make out even more, probably. Unless you screw this up...
Instantly, a warm feeling spreads through Gavin's stomach.
Inside his mind's eye, a flash of memories comes back into focus, bright and clear. Gavin can see them both, tucked close to each other, sharing one hungry kiss after another. Once again outside, in the filthy smoking area behind the presidium. They spend a lot of their breaks together these days. A lot has changed since that first kiss.
It's almost like they've crossed an invisible line. And every time they find a moment to see each other, they are completely helpless against this feeling of attraction. And today, after an eternity of several weeks of secret eye contact, discreet little touches and plenty of stolen kisses, he was the one who invited Connor to his place. Just like that, without giving it a second thought.
What on earth was he thinking!? The whole thing between the two of them is kind of... Somehow...Shit! After everything he...
Gavin's face feels burning hot. Gritting his teeth, he roughly wipes his face with both hands. Some day all this emotional bullshit will be the death of him.
"Come on! Come on! Come on!” he groans into his sweaty palms. "Come on, Reed. Get your shit together, you pathetic jerk!"
He takes a deep breath to settle his nerves. However, the doorbell snaps him out of the cycle of his own chaotic thoughts. Gavin's heart immediately skips a beat before it pounds wildly and twice as fast in his chest.
Fuck, now he'd really like to bite his own ass. For any kind of plan changes, it's definitely too late. Well, it's not that he really had a plan.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
On the short hop to the front door, Gavin runs his fingers through his hair one last time, sweeps some imaginary fluff off his shirt and kicks one of the cat toys under the sofa. Connor doesn't ring the bell again. Jesus, he probably hears his fucking ringing heartbeat all the way outside.
Oh yeah, that would suit him so ...
Gavin opens the door. When his eyes meet Connor's, the nervousness inside him fades on the spot and everything else around him is no longer in focus. He is here, for real. And seeing him is enough to take Gavin's breath away for a few seconds.
The LED on Connor's temple pulsates in a relaxed blue. His hair is a bit of a mess, half-melted snowflakes sparkle in those dark locks and even on his goddamn eyelashes. Gavin's mouth is suddenly awfully dry. There's almost something hypnotic with it.
"H-hey," he clears his throat in a hurry. "There you are."
In the end, all he manages is this completely stupid nonsense. Great, really clever. On top of that, he's still staring at Connor like a dork.
"Seems so, yes." The corners of Connor's mouth lift into an awkward little smile. "May I come in? I, uhm, I brought some snacks. I think that's part of the game?"
He shyly holds a plastic bag out to Gavin. Faced with such a gesture and the famous puppy-dog eyes, a sweet tingling sensation rises in the cop's chest.
"Fuck, yeah! C'mon. Move your plastic ass over here!"
At this point, the rest of his tension slips away. All he has to do is reach out and drag Connor into his apartment. It's easier than he thought and when the door closes behind them, Gavin can't tell for sure which of them is moving first.
Their lips and tongues collide with each other, melting into a deep, starving kiss. Gavin finds himself with the door at his back, his fingers clawing into the lapels of Connor's coat. Tugging him as close as he can. The fabric is clammy and the smell of rain and fresh air fills Gavin's nose.
One of Connor's hands cups his cheek. A rush of heat rises up the back of his neck.
"Missed me that much, mhm?" he smirks into another intense kiss after he manages to catch his breath.
"I did, very much so." Connor nods slightly, their lips brushing delicately.
"You greedy little shit."
Smirking, Gavin nips at the brunette's lower lip, licking this sensitive spot with the tip of his tongue. The sweet whine that follows is like music to the human's ears.
"You were out of bullpen so f-fast." Connor's eyelids flutter. The LED is flashing yellow. "I didn't get another chance to see you."
"That was only a few hours ago, idiot."
"To be more precise; four hours, twelve minutes and twenty-five seconds," Connor clarifies straight away.
"That's what I said, a few freaking hours." In company with a tiny huff, Gavin rolls his eyes. "Now we've sorted this shit out, strip that thing off for me, will ya?"
Impatiently, he fiddles with Connor's coat. Underneath, the android is still wearing today's shirt and jacket. Damn, why didn't he ever realise before how perfect this dorky uniform made him look?
Gavin hastily bites his throbbing lower lip. This can't be real...
Seeing Connor inside his private space only a short time later, the place he calls home, almost seems a little surreal. Gavin tries to force himself not to stare. But he can't stop doing so. Within a matter of minutes, their relationship grows even a shade more intimate.
"Thank you for inviting me," Gavin hears him say. "I appreciate that."
Connor's eyes dance around the room. The LED is sparkling in bright blue and even in a touch of yellow.
"Oh, yeah? So, uhm, c-cool. Thought a bit of a change wouldn't be that bad." Embarrassed, the young detective scratches his right ear. "It's nothing special, but it's good enough for me. Oh please, don't tell me you scanned my apartment?"
"Maybe, maybe not. In any case, it's a lot cleaner than I expected. And I like your new hairstyle, by the way. Pretty charming."
Teasingly, Connor turns to him and winks. Gavin bares his teeth.
"Oh, fuck you!" he counters playfully, snatching the bag from Connor's hand and letting himself drop onto his precious couch. Overwhelmed by all the yummy treats inside, regular and thirium versions, Gavin lets out a gigantic sigh. "Holy cow! That's it, baby!"
The beer isn't cold anymore, but screw it, it tastes delicious. Gavin happily takes a long sip. As he does so, he peers at Connor curiously. Like a sleepwalker, the android wanders around the combined living and kitchen area, gently sliding his fingertips over all sorts of things. The LED occasionally turns yellow. Gavin doesn't really understand what's so interesting about this shitty little place, but in a way it's amusing watching Connor. And it's kind of cute, too.
Thinking of this, he swallows another sip. He definitely needs more booze. Maybe then he'll quit having such cheesy impulses.
"... her name? Gavin?"
Gavin blinks questioningly. "Mmhm?"
"A penny for your thoughts, Detective.” A soft smile spreads across the android's face. “Your cat. Have you got a name for her by now?"
Very carefully, to avoid waking the kitten, Connor kneels down to a cosy little nest. Of course, he has already discovered Gavin's purring roommate. Androids and their affection for animals.
Reed can't help cracking a smile too.
"I guess so." Sipping his beer, the cop stands up and joins the other's side. "What do you think of Biscuit? When she curls up like that, she looks like a biscuit. A fluffy chocolate biscuit."
"You're right! She's so lovely." Connor chuckles tenderly. "I'm sure she is very happy with your choice. Soo, you're gonna keep her? Right?"
From his position on the floor, he stares at him with wide brown eyes.
"Obviously, you dope. I've already gave her a damn name. Jesus Christ, don't give me that look! What kind of a dick would I be if I kicked her out now?"
Those fucking puppy eyes! Under Connor's penetrating gaze, Gavin's pulse starts to race. A shiver trickles down his spine. The can almost slips from his fingers.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... It's ..." Connor shakes his head slightly. Is there something on Gavin's eyes or is there a delicate blush on his cheeks!? "I know you've had a soft spot for her since the first time you brought her up. I'm grateful a-and happy you're showing me this side of you. And I really like being h-here…with you..."
Connor lowers his head. Visibly nervous, he intertwines his hands. Gavin's tongue suddenly sticks uncomfortably to the roof of his mouth. His whole body is tingling again. Searching for stability and for his stupid brain, he clings to his drink.
I have a fucking soft spot for you too. FUCK.
"I like it too, Con. Here, with you. And Biscuit! I mean, we hang out a bit and have a good time." Gavin swallows dryly. "Wh-whatever. Just don't tell anyone I'm not a perfect asshole. After all, I have a reputation to lose. And now, for the love of God, pet her. That's why you're here, silly. "
What the hell is he babbling about? Gavin feels like his face is burning. Con!? Soft spot!? Reputation!? Pet her!?
Connor's temple is still covered in blue. His skin is warm and feels so human. Vulnerable. Gavin doesn't even realise his free hand is ruffling through Connor's hair. Gentle. Soothing. Protective. Before the young Detective has a chance to take a step back, clear green and soft brown collide with each other once again.
A childlike excitement appears on Connors face. "Can I!? I don't want to interrupt her sleep."
"Sure, knock yourself out. I bet she's already waiting for ya."
Gavin finally manages to bring some distance between them. He hastily shoves his hand into the pocket of his pants. Connor, for his part, doesn't hesitate any longer to stroke the sleeping kitten's chocolate-brown fur. Instantly, the little one begins to purr like a running motor.
And as he stands there watching them, Gavin wonders if it was the same for Hank. Did this cold, raging anger inside him also turn piece by piece into something warm and lovable?
Gavin's chest clenches in pain.
Has he changed? Yes, he has. He's not the same anymore. And yet, after everything he's done to Connor ... he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve anything warm, doesn't deserve to be loved. Not from someone like Connor.
He hasn't even apologised.
Gavin's nails dig into his palm. He begged Connor not to say it. Those three big words. He hasn't until today. And Gavin doesn't want to hear it either. He's not someone to love. He's not ready to love Connor. Not the way he deserves. God, he's a piece of ...
"Is everything all right?" A gentle touch on his shoulders sends him into a wince. "Gavin? Gav?"
Without understanding, he stares into a pair of brown eyes. Connor, who is no longer kneeling on the floor, stands in front of him. So close that he can spot every single freckle on his skin.
Instead of answering, he leans his forehead against the other one's shoulder. Suddenly he is more exhausted than he has been for a long time.
"Sorry, it's been a long fucking day," he mutters into the soft fabric of Connor's shirt.
"There is nothing you need to apologise for. You need to rest. Would you prefer me to leave?"
He strokes Gavin's back in a calming way. It feels so damn good. Excitement, wonder, tension, arousal, shame.
Gavin feels everything at once. He wants, he needs...
Stay. I want you to stay...please...
He doesn't say it out loud. But Connor doesn't need to hear it either. He understands. And stays.
°•°•°THE END°•°•