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My life in the bookshop has been quite nice indeed. The soft one is most accommodating, as is to be expected, having been blessed with the company of such a ferocious and elegant creature as I. His warm, glowing energy is magnificent, and I take great pleasure in slumbering lazily on his soft, lush form as he reads.
It's not all been roses, however. I've noted a distinct lack of reverence from the long one. I cannot not say, objectively, who between us is the superior entity. But I will say that I am the only one who can prowl like a ghostly whisper in the night.
The soft, beige, more luminous of the pair, (and I was made quite aware of their pairing soon after my addition to the colony) wandered off into the streets to God knows where early Sunday morning. I watched him leave, taking his effervescent radiance with him. No matter. He would return shortly. In the meantime, there was work to be done.
I hopped up a chair and onto the top of a bookshelf with effortless grace, then sat down to behold the splendid view. I'd discovered quite a few elevated spaces eager to be explored. The humonoids seemed uninterested, only paying these untrodden spaces any mind when I chose to investigate.
"That's just a thing you do now," the long one remarked joylessly. "Great."
He eyed me from the lowly distance as I twitched my tail thoughtfully.
"Aziraphale won't like you up there, you know."
I know.
"You'll topple his books again. I won't take the blame."
I walked over to the other end of the bookshelf, spying a stack of papers laying precariously over the edge. Tantalisingly so. I crouched like a stealthy rogue warrior before pouncing with merciless precision.
The unsuspecting papers fluttered down in a most spectacular fashion. Any creature between Heaven and Earth would have been moved by the beauty of those pages dancing through the air, rustling so enigmatically. But the long one, gloomy as ever, failed to be roused by the magnificent display.
"Ugh," he scowled pointlessly.
I hopped down to sit on a pleasantly formed scattering of pages. A paper raft on a sea of wooden planks and rugs. It crinkled delightfully under my feet.
How novel. I shall set adrift here for a while.
The long one, the dark one, the gloomy one slinked towards me. "You've disappointed me, cat," he said with marked condescension.
I could see him eyeing the papers beneath me. He wanted my raft. I had obviously laid claim to it first, but there was no mistaking the intention in his eyes. I would not make his attempt to dispute my claim easy. I crouched, glaring at him as I shifted my hind quarters menacingly, ready to strike.
He scooped me up off the floor, humiliating me with his happenstance of being the larger and more vertical of us. He then wiggled his fingers, taunting me with his dexterous appendages. When he placed me back down, my paper masterpiece had been undone. I looked about to spot the pages stacked neatly on the shelf.
How dare you! Are you so miserable that you cannot allow me to enjoy such simple pleasures? You weren't even using it. This transgression won't soon be forgotten!
He leaned down to pat me on the head and scritch me behind the ears, obviously begging for my forgiveness. I decided to spare him the emotional turmoil, gracious as I am.
I shall pardon this offense, long one. You'd be wise to take this opportunity to better yourself.
I've noticed persistent, mysterious forces at play in our territory, and I've tried to alert both the soft one and the long one, but to no avail. I'm a little surprised they haven't yet noticed, as they are always around when these bizarre happenings take place. They've foolishly disregarded my warnings thus far. I must remain ever vigilant.
I had initially deemed the long one decently observant, though now I see his attentions are most often swirling about the soft one. When I am left alone in his company, he seems to care very little for the world around him, except to watch my thrilling adventures with a pathetic, detached coldness. His relentless interest in the soft one has created some tension between us, as he's gone so far as to interrupt me as I luxuriate in the luscious warmth of the soft one's lap. I have not yet found a solution to this problem, but I shall persevere.
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Sometimes the two of them go off together, leaving me alone to guard the territory and fend for myself. I've not yet been invited to these outings, but I know they feed out of doors as they return glowing and satisfied, much as they do after spending time in the bedroom upstairs.
I've attempted to infiltrate this space, but the long one always makes sure the door is infuriatingly impermeable when they are inside. This despite knowing full well my preference for a fully accessible domain at all times.
I will often meow incessantly when I find it in such a state, making sure they know of my displeasure. They continue to disregard my cries, but I shall persevere. To tell the truth, I don't really care. They can have their stupid secret meetings and leave me out of it. I have secrets, too. But I cannot abide them thinking they have me bested.
On Thursday evening, I stumbled upon the humanoids lazing about in one of the more curious spaces within our territory. I wandered in to discover them in a vulgar state of undress, huddled together in a ceramic basin, steam emanating from the waters lapping at their vulnerable flesh.
You're in danger, you reckless buffoons! Get out this instant! I batted at the long one's wayward limb, meowing low and loud to make sure he knew I was serious.
He shot me a puzzled frown. "Out," he said with unconvincing authority.
I do not obey your commands, long one.
Incredibly, I was pushed out by an invisible force I can only describe as sinister yet benign. It bore a remarkable resemblance to the long one's dark, gloomy energy. I'm beginning to suspect that he may be the cause of these local occult happenings.
I'm suspicious that the soft, luminous one may also be manipulating reality in some peculiar manner, though I'm always in such a glowing mood when he's about, I'm sure I'd fail to notice.
They've attempted to punish me since this incident, having the bathroom door shut whenever they're in there dozing off in pools of perilous liquid, brazenly daring the water gods to take them. I often meow and paw at the door to alert them of the hazard, but they have yet to heed my warnings.
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On a sunny Tuesday morning during my patrol, I noticed a pair of magpies lurking across the street. My companions were sitting together on the sofa as I watched the feathery fiends from the window, cawing at me with treacherous intent.
Do you hear this disrespect? They mock us openly. Are we to do nothing to rectify this behavior?
I looked over to see them oblivious and distracted, the long one moving his admittedly marvelous fingers across the soft one's plush form.
Stupid animals! This is no time for clumsy courtship. Our territory is being challenged. We must meet their audacious tauntings with a swift response before it's too late!
"I can't deal with him hopping about and screaming like a lunatic," the long one said, staring at me.
He moved for the spiral staircase, dragging the soft one along with him. I ran between the long one's legs, alerting him to the potential consequences of leaving such flagrant pesterings unanswered. He scowled at me, ignoring my call to arms.
"You'll get yourself trampled, you idiot. I won't be sorry."
You fool! This is only just the start. Before long, they'll have shamed us out of our home! Are we to stand for such insolence?
Any sensible creature would have taken such warnings very seriously. But no! Off they went, not so much as glancing back at me despite my enthusiastic vocalizations.
I was so filled with outrage at this blatant disregard that I resolved to meow at their door with unabashed fervour. You can imagine my surprise when an invisible force, no doubt the long one's doing, foiled my attempt to climb the spiral staircase after them.
When the long one predictably comes back to beg for forgiveness, brushing his fingers through my glorious fur, I shall graciously accept. He is but a slave to his impulses. Aren't we all? In the meantime I will stand watch, eyeing the corvids with relentless fury as I guard our precious territory alone.
I shall persevere.