Chapter Text
“I’m leaving the company.”
Hanbin wiped Matthew’s tears as they stood in a moonlit alley.
Just moments ago Matthew was all smiles. He was excited to be going out to eat for the first time in a long time. Even better, it was his best friend Hanbin who suggested they go out to eat at Matthew’s favorite hole in the wall restaurant. Hanbin had been Matthew’s comfort. After meeting each other Hanbin had helped Matthew throughout the grueling training hours. He cheered for Matthew during the weekly evaluations. He had been the one to convince Matthew to stay when his homesickness had gotten so bad he almost gave up. Hanbin was there for him when he needed him the most. And now the personification of comfort had told him they were leaving? Matthew felt his world crumble. He felt like all the light in the world had dissipated. The chill of a winter’s night didn’t help this sentiment. His feet stopped. He felt frozen. “When?”
“In a couple days.” Hanbin’s voice got quieter with every word.
Matthew was in shock. “And you tell me now?” He tried hard to not yell, but he didn’t try hard enough to stop his anger from showing. “Is this why we are going out tonight? Is this a goodbye meal?” Hanbin was slightly taken aback by his tone. He knew Matthew would be upset but experiencing it felt worse than he thought. He couldn’t respond to Matthew’s questions. That is exactly what this was supposed to be. A goodbye dinner. But Hanbin had ruined it when he told him so early into the night. Matthew’s bright smile and endearing excitement made Hanbin’s guilt tip over the edge. He couldn’t hold back anymore. He had planned to tell him after softening the blow with chicken. “I’m taking your silence as a yes.” Hanbin couldn’t meet his eyes. He didn’t want to leave Matthew.
“I’m sorry. I kept trying to tell you but the timing was never right.” He looked at his shoes, his toes cold from the melting snow. His heart raced as he tried to keep in his tears. “I wanted to do one last thing with you before I left.”
“I can’t believe you.” Matthew didn’t yell, but his voice echoed in Hanbin’s mind. His voice dripped with the word “betrayal”. Hanbin finally looked up at his friend's face to see it red with tears. “I wish you could have told me sooner. Then I could have made sure to treasure every last moment.”
“Oh?” Hanbin answered on instinct. It wasn’t that Matthew was angry with him leaving. He was upset because of that, yes, but he was more angry that he was told only a couple days before he left. Hanbin gave Matthew a whiskered smile. He reached out to wipe Matthew's tears. “It’s not like this is goodbye forever. We can still keep in touch and go out to eat chicken once in a while.” Matthew laughed, which made Hanbin feel warm.
“I’m sorry Hyung, I’m sure this must be hard for you too.” Matthew wiped his tears and started walking towards their destination once again.
“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” Hanbin caught up to Matthew and brought him in for a side hug. “Now let’s go to that restaurant you love. It’s Hyung’s treat.”
“It better be.” Matthew joked. They laughed and Matthew’s anger dried up along with his tears as they reached Nirvana, Matthew’s utopia. They spent the dinner reminiscing. They talked about the time Yun, a fellow trainee, got caught sneaking out at night, and how it made it harder for the rest of the trainees. “To this day it’s still hard to leave at night. I miss our walks.” Matthew crossed his arms and shook his head, which made Hanbin laugh. Matthew looked like a parent disappointed in their child's actions. Yun and Matthew were only two years apart, yet Matthew still called him his baby. They gossiped about the weird tension between the dance and singing instructors.
“I don’t know Matthew. Are you sure?”
“Yes! Hyung I swear. His name had a heart next to it. They think they are lowkey. If even Sungmin felt something was off, there must be something there! Right?” Matthew looked less sure as he saw Hanbin’s unconvinced face.
“If you say so.” Hanbin retorted.
Matthew began to pout. “I know what I saw.” He crossed his arms again, and Hanbin chuckled at his cuteness. “Why do you look so amused, H-yung?” He tried to sound upset, but Hanbin wasn’t buying it. Hanbin just laughed more. His whiskers and eye smile caused Matthew to smile as well. They both started laughing together, tears welling up by how hard. The finite time they had left together made everything seem more funny.
They left the chicken place with their stomachs full.“That was really fun. We should go again sometime Hyung.”
“I would love to!” But as the reality came back to him, Hanbin questioned if they could? He wasn’t lying when he said it, but even he was unsure of what his future would hold. Matthew picked up on Hanbin’s change in mood.
“Are you really leaving?” Matthew said once again stopping in the small, lonely alley. Hanbin nodded. They both stood in silence. Neither knew what to say to the other. Matthew took a deep breath as Hanbin looked up at the falling snow, some landing delicately on his long eyelashes. The silence was loud and uncomfortable.
“It’s a wonder how something so beautiful can be so cold.”
“Hyung what are you even saying?”
Hanbin looked at Matthew with a pained smile. “I am not too sure myself.” He sighed and then faced Matthew. “I will really miss you Matthew. I hope you know that.”
Matthew was shocked by the change of tone. “Of course I know that. I will miss you too. That’s why I am so upset. I really wanted us to debut together.”
“I do too.”
Matthew wanted to ask, Then why are you leaving? He couldn’t bring himself to. “Promise we will stay in touch. Promise we will always be friends.”
Hanbin was stunned by the very concept of them not being friends anymore. He didn’t mean to raise his voice. “Of course we will always be friends. Please never doubt that we will. It pains me to even think of a world where we aren’t!” Matthew was surprised how upset by his words Hanbin was. It made Matthew happy. It gave him hope that even if they weren’t always together, they would never truly be apart.
“Thanks Hanbin hyung. It makes me really happy knowing that you feel that way. I want to always be your friend. And…” Matthew’s eyes were tearing up again but he tried not to cry. “When you debut I will be your biggest fan.”
“And I will be yours. I will buy all the albums. I will go to every concert. I will go to every fan sign. I will…”
“Woah. Woah. Hyung, you know you won’t have time for all that.” Matthew smiled.
“I’ll always have time for you Matthew.” Hanbin stated passionately. Matthew laughed lovingly at his friend. They both knew that his statement was only true in their hearts and not in reality. They both smiled at each other nonetheless. The sentiment was what mattered. “Now shall we get going? I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.” Matthew sighed sarcastically. And they locked arms as they continued down the pathway. Their footsteps being covered by the snow.
“That chicken is really good though.”
“Why do you think they called their restaurant Nirvana?”
“Because the chicken is so good that you will reach nirvana.” Matthew said it as if it were common sense. That made Hanbin chuckle. He always had a smile when he was around Matthew, which made it harder for him to leave. “Hanbin hyung is so dense to the wonder of chicken I guess.”
“Okay, okay.” Hanbin laughed “Let's get out of this alley. It’s getting late.” But just as he said that Matthew stopped. Pulling Hanbin with him, almost giving him whiplash.”Wha?”
"What is that?"
“I am sorry? What? Can you repeat that?” Hanbin felt a weird tingle go down his spine. Matthew usually didn’t speak English to Hanbin unless he was barely awake or he was in a state of shock.
“What? Is? That?”
A sound so atrocious and mind numbing echoed in Hanbin’s ears. It felt like they were bleeding. He covered them and closed his eyes. Then a sudden feeling of falling overcame him along with a silence so deafening that it felt as if all sound had been sucked out of the world. He tried to yell out Matthew’s name, but his voice wouldn’t come out. He realized then that Matthews arms were no longer entwined with his. He started to reach out but there was nothing. No Matthew, but also no buildings. No snow falling on his face. When he moved, it felt like he was in deep water. Everything was heavy, almost crushing. He felt no pain nor cold, but that was worse. At least if there was pain that meant he had senses, but he couldn’t touch anything. He couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t smell anything. It was like all those senses turned off. Hanbin was overwhelmed. He started to yell out for Matthew again even though no sound came out. He could feel himself starting to cry, but he feared what would happen if he opened his eyes.
“@#&+%*$!”
A voice spoke directly into Hanbin’s head. He opened his eyes in shock. The view in front of him was so incomprehensible that he ceased to think at all.
“&%$*~@#+?”
Hanbin was in agony. He clutched his head. He had never felt such pain before. It felt like someone had opened up his skull and started to cram handfuls of nails into his brain until there was no more room left. He screamed until his throat felt raw, which made the silence all the more unsettling. When the pressure subsided it was like he was never in agony at all. His throat didn’t even feel like he had been screaming his head off. What is going on?
“I am sorry this is all I can do for you. Good luck.”
Hanbin was close to unconsciousness. When he woke up. At least that’s what the feeling was to him, like it was all a dream. He awoke to the feeling of a sudden fall. When he opened his eyes, he saw a beautiful sunset in a flowery field. A forest and mountains painted the distance with beautiful contrast of colors. Hanbin thought he might still be dreaming until he heard a familiar voice.
“Hanbin?” He felt a pair of hands shake his shoulders. He sat up to look at his weary friend. “Hanbin, what was that? What happened?” He shook his head. He was just as clueless as Matthew was. “Are we dreaming?” Hanbin sat in silence. Matthew sat down next to him, “What are we going to do?” Hanbin sighed and stared at the beautiful yet unfamiliar landscape surrounding them. If he wasn’t even sure if he was awake, how could he answer? “Hanbin, I might sound crazy, but I don’t think this is a dream. Everything seems so… real.” Hanbin just nodded. “Oh my god. It’s almost curfew. I do not want to end up like that baby, Yun.” Matthew was looking at his watch with horror. Hanbin couldn’t help but laugh. Curfew was the last thing on his mind. Hanbin’s laughter dissipated in the gentle wind. Matthew was right, this did feel real. But if it was real, where were they? Was what he just experienced a dream? Hanbin’s mind was a mess. He was more convinced that he was awake now that he had adapted to their new environment, but that didn’t solve the problem that Hanbin really wanted answered. He knew what his answer would be, but he was too scared to hear it. He secretly hoped Matthew would be too. “Hanbin, how are we supposed to get back?”
Ahh Matthew you really are a fearless man.