Chapter Text
He couldn’t. He had to get out. There were iron bands around his lungs. He couldn’t breath. There was an icy hand squeezing his throat as hard as it could.
Gav fled the room he shared with Clive, only just remembering he needed to cover his nakedness and put some pants on before barging out the door. He couldn’t stand to stay here a second longer. Torgal whined softly behind him as the door swung shut.
He’d put a pair of Clive’s pants on, he saw as he fled across the dark and empty common area of the Hideaway. The realization constricted his throat and tears stung his eye. His fingers dug into the soft leather as he tried not to inhale too deeply of his lover’s scent still lingering on the clothing.
“Fuck-fuck!”
He was barely aware of getting on the lift, riding it down to the deserted docks. It was the middle of the night. Most everyone was asleep.
Clive had been asleep when he’d bolted. Gav hadn’t slept a wink. He couldn’t. They’d made love, both of them frantically clutching at each other like they could be ripped apart at any second. When it was over Clive hadn’t wanted to move from atop him, but Gav hadn’t wanted him to, anyway. He’d wound his arms and legs around the other man, gently sifting his fingers through those gorgeously soft and unruly locks until Clive had finally fallen into a frayed sleep.
Then he’d lain there, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the quiet duet of Clive and Torgal’s snores. He tried to remain the “cheery, plucky scout” and not think of how the gentle rise and fall of Clive’s chest could soon stop. That he may never again look into those stormy blue eyes and see his love reflected back at him. Never again hear Clive’s voice—his rumbling laugh, his little purrs of desire, or the sharp edge when someone dared to hurt someone Clive loved. Never again touch his skin, callouses and scars beneath his fingertips. Never again feel his lips or his hands or his tongue. Never again smell his woodsmoke-and-spices scent, wrapped up in his lover’s warm and strong embrace.
Every thought of Never Again bit into him with sharp little pinching teeth. They were eating him alive.
Then, in his sleep, Clive had rolled away from him and something deep down inside snapped like a too-taut bowstring. He couldn’t lie there letting those thoughts pick the flesh off his bones anymore. So, he’d fled.
He couldn’t get enough air. Harsh, gasping sobs made his throat ache as Gav aimlessly stumbled down the docks. He fell to his hands and knees at the very end of Obolus’s dock, clutching the edge so tightly that his knuckles whitened. Misery. Agony. Absolute fucking devastation. Gav howled his despair at the dark, uncaring water below.
Sobbing and sniffling, he caught sight of the moon’s reflection, broken into a million fragments on the surface of the lake. A hot streak of anger burned through his pain and his head snapped up, seeing Origin floating amongst the clouds. It almost looked peaceful drifting there. The sight of it made Gav want to throw up.
“Fuck you!” Gav screamed at the looming silhouette in the distance. “You hear me, you colossal four-armed cunt!? FUCK YOU!”
Would that his anger could knock Origin from the sky. Would that his heartbreak could stop the beat of Ultima’s.
“…Gav?”
Gav could laugh. Or cry some more. Of course Clive had come for him. His love’s voice was so soft and small that his heart broke all over again. A slightly hysterical laugh of a sob caught in his throat and he sat back on his knees, swiping a forearm across his tear-swollen face.
“A-aye, love?” His throat went sharp around the last word, nearly choking him.
He heard Clive take a step forward then hesitate. “…Do you want some space?”
What he wanted was for someone to drop a meteor on Ultima so Clive didn’t have to. Another tremulous, laughing sob escaped his lips as he shook his head, motioning Clive over with one shaking hand.
Clive’s heavy footsteps came down the dock and he kneeled behind Gav, one hand turning the blonde to face him, gently drawing him into his lap. His arms wrapped around Gav’s waist, pulling him closer before burrowing his face against the side of the blonde’s neck. Clive’s face was wet, silent tears trailing down cheeks. Gav lifted his trembling arms, wrapping them tight around his lover, one hand threading into his hair and rubbing the nape of his neck.
“I’ll come back—”
“Don’t—” Gav felt a lump rise in his throat. “Don’t do that. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Clive moved back just enough to peer up at him, eyes and cheeks shining with tears. He gently kissed Gav’s mouth and his finger hooked into the ring Gav wore on a chain around his neck—given to him by Clive as a token of his love. “…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I’ll fight tooth and nail to do it.”
That, at least, was a promise that could be kept. And it fucking hurt. Gav softly hiccupped out another sob and Clive kissed him again, his lips trailing from the blonde’s chin and up his jawline to his ear. “I love you, Gav.”
Gav squeezed fistfuls of the man’s shirt in his hands. “I love you, too. I love you so fucking much, Clive. You kick that fucker’s ass. Punch him right in the fucking face for me.”
Clive gave a watery little chuckle, “I will.”