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“Mel! Me-el! Come on honeydew, you can do it, come to mom!”
In his soul, Cross already knows how this is going to end, but he dares to have hope. He’s been crawling around the kids’ playroom in circles for the better part of an hour, making sure his movements are exaggerated in the hopes it’ll encourage baby Melancholy to finally crawl. His knees and back are killing him, but he’s determined to get this baby crawling!
But just like his many other attempts, Mel just stares at him in mild bemusement, content to enjoy some tummy time and watch Cross do laps around the room. They look closer to falling asleep than to getting up and crawling.
With a sigh, Cross decides to throw in the towel for today, and picks his babybones up off the floor. “You just like to watch me crawl around in circles and make a fool of myself, don’t you?”
Mel doesn’t answer his rhetorical question, but Cross knows what the answer would be. They had been watching him with the same enraptured look as when Dust put on those dancing-fruit-sensory-videos for them. He doesn’t get confirmation that the babybones finds Cross’ efforts amusing, Mel instead nuzzling demandingly, but adorably, at his chest.
“I guess that’s my cue to get you something to eat, huh?”
Mel answers with a more insistent headbutt and a firm, “ah!”
“Alright, alright, let's get you a snack. You deserve it, tummy time is a big workout for a babybones, huh?” Cross says fondly, trying not to let his own discouragement keep him from encouraging his baby.
Mel has been much slower to reach developmental milestones than they should for their age. Nightmare insists that it’s nothing to be concerned about, that babies don’t get a memo from some so-called expert about when they should reach a milestone, and that it’s perfectly normal for some children to take longer than others. If anybody would know, it would be Nightmare and the tens of dozens of parenting books he’s amassed. Cross appreciates Nightmare’s reassurances, he really does, but… the pessimistic part of him thinks that Nightmare just doesn’t get it because Misery hit all her milestones on time, if not earlier than expected.
When Misery was Mel’s age, she was already saying their names (mama, mom, kiki, dada, and papa), yes and no. She was babbling conversationally, pausing to let someone else take their turn speaking before giving her own “response.” Mel’s first and so far only word has been “no,” and they usually only use it when they're protesting an attempt to put them into a cute new outfit. They don’t frequently imitate conversation with baby babble like Misery had, only offering up the occasional “ah!”
When Misery was Mel’s age, she was fighting for any scrap of independence she could get. Once she became mobile, it was a struggle to keep an eye on her as she explored every nook and cranny of the castle, and sometimes she’d even seemed annoyed by everyone’s constant hovering. Mel couldn’t care less about exploring their surroundings and, up until recently, would loudly protest if there wasn’t at least one dad in their line of sight. They were only just beginning to tolerate being on their own for small periods of time, and only if they were sufficiently distracted by one of those aforementioned sensory videos.
And of course, when Misery was Mel’s age, she was already walking, never mind crawling. Granted, with lots of tumbles, but still! The most Mel is able to do is sit up on their own and occasionally bum-shuffle if they really want a toy out of reach. But even then, most of the time they seem to deem it not worth the effort exerted and are content to wait it out and see which dad would bring it to them.
Cross can’t help but compare their two children because it’s impossible to miss the clear differences between them. And he hates that he does, because he knows it’s not fair to Melancholy to constantly weigh their growth against their sister’s. Not that he ever holds it against Mel because in the end, he knows it’s not their fault and would be appalled by the insinuation that it was. No, when he sees the differences between Misery and Melancholy, it's the fear that he did something wrong that nags at him. Nightmare carried Misery, and Cross had carried Melancholy- if there was something wrong with Mel, it just made sense that Cross had to be the reason.
He hates the part of him that’s jealous of Nightmare having the baby that hit every beat on time, and buries that ugly feeling as Misery suddenly appears at his side and joins him on his way to the kitchen.
“Hi, Melly-bean! Hiii mom!” she chirps, instantly alerting Cross that she wants something.
“Hello, princess. What are you up to now?” he replies, quickly getting to the point.
“Nooothin’,” Misery hums, not managing to sound very convincing. “What’re you up to?”
“Mhm. Well, I’m taking Mel to the kitchen to get them a snack.”
“Oh! What a cwin-ci-dence!” she gasps, taking great care to pronounce ‘coincidence’ slowly, to show off the big word she knows. “That’s where I’m goin’! You could get me a snack, too! Pretty please!”
Ah, there it is. Misery is a very smart, very manipulative little cutie, but subtle she is not. Cross can’t help but laugh at her antics- at least she said please! “Alright, I guess I could whip something up for you, since you are a princess, after all.”
“Yeah, princesses get all the snacks they want!” Misery squeals triumphantly. She grabs his hand and attempts to drag him forward because he’s apparently not going fast enough for her liking. It’s not very effective, but Cross lets her tug him along anyway.
When they reach the kitchen, Misery rushes to the pantry and begins digging around. With Mel impatiently squirming on his hip, Cross goes to the fridge to grab some of the baby food Horror’s been very proudly making himself. Mel has been especially keen on sweet potato lately, so he picks out some of the apple-carrot-sweet potato puree.
Just before he goes to put the babybones in their highchair, he notices the slightly bigger babybones moping her way back from the pantry, decidedly snackless. “Nothing look good?” Cross asks.
Misery sighs dejectedly, and Cross is acutely aware of the pouty lip she’s put on- here we go. “No, nothin’ in there sounded good.”
Mel begins to fuss, whining impatiently at the delay of their own snack. Cross gently bounces them to try to calm them down. “Well, I could cut up an apple and get some peanut butter for you. Carrots and ranch? Cheese and crackers? No?” Despite his efforts, each offer is rejected with an exaggerated sigh. Finally, Cross asks the question he’s been trying to avoid. “Alright… did you have something in mind?”
Misery perks up immediately, confirming the scheme he’d suspected she was up to from the start. “Maaaybe a cookie would be nice!”
Oh, it’s so easy for her to get what she wants out of Cross, and she knows it. She probably waited for him to head to the kitchen so she could get him alone, because without one of her other dads around to help him stay strong, they all knew he’d eventually give in. And she’s got the advantage of Mel getting closer and closer to a real fit the longer their snack is delayed, putting even more pressure on him to cave. Still, he tries… “I dunno, Miz, you already had a cookie after lunch… and a second cookie you wormed out of kiki.”
Misery shows no mercy, hugging Cross’ leg and giving her very best pouty lip and puppy-dog eyes. “Pleeease, mom! Mooom… mom, please? Mom…”
“Fine, fine, you win,” Cross sighs and defeatedly makes his way to the cookie jar on the counter that’s too tall for her, princess still clinging to his leg. “I swear, you could get away with murder with that cute, manipulative little face.”
Misery giggles in a very practiced, very cute way. “Then it’s lucky that I just want cookies!”
“You’re getting one cookie, don’t push it!”
“Aw, boo…”
Distracted with retrieving the cookie jar and getting Misery her prize, Cross doesn’t notice that Melancholy’s fussing has abruptly stopped, their whines quieting and their squirms ceasing. Neither does he notice the way the babybones observes the exchange in fascination, intently watching as Misery gets her cookie.
Cross does notice Mel's tiny hands pat at his sternum for his attention. “ommm,” they babble at him.
“I know you’re hungry, honeydew, hold on,” Cross tries to soothe the babybones by bouncing them on his hip. With his other hand he passes the goods over to Misery, adding, “Let’s just keep this between us, okay princess?”
“Yaaay! Thaaank you, mom!” Misery sings victoriously before chowing down on her prize. She may be a manipulative cutie, but at least she still says please and thank you. Besides, Cross has to admit that he loves making her happy so it is kind of his own fault that he gives in so easily. He places the lid back on the cookie jar and pushes it away from the edge of the counter.
“ah! ommm! omomomom!”
“What?” In surprise and disbelief, Cross’ attention snaps back to the babybones on his hip. “Was that-? No, you were just babbling- right? You didn’t just-”
“omomom! mmmomomom!” Mel squeals again, and they’re looking right up at him, bunching up his sweater in their tiny fists insistently.
“Oh my god, you did!” Cross gasps elatedly, so happy that tears come to his eyes in record time, and he lifts the babybones off of his hip to hug them to his chest and smooch their sweet little skull properly. “You did it, you said ‘mom!’ You did so good, I’m so proud of you, Mel!” Though he could shower his baby in smooches and praises for hours, Cross relents his affections when they begin to squirm again. His joy is dampened by concern as he realizes Mel is calling out to him because they’re upset. “Oh, what’s wrong, honeydew? What can mom do?”
“Oh, I think…” Misery mumbles quietly, wearing a thoughtful look as she tries to get a read on her baby sibling’s emotions. Cross often forgets she has Nightmare’s empath abilities as hers aren’t nearly as strong yet, but it’s come in handy several times in figuring out what’s upsetting the baby when Nightmare isn’t around. He waits expectantly as she concentrates on her sibling. Just a few seconds later her face lights up in recognition. “Melly wants a cookie, too!” Then, a gasp- “Oh! I taught’em that! I taught Melly to say ‘mom!’”
And sure enough, Mel begins to make grabby-hands in the direction of the cookie jar, still pitifully crying out, “momomom!...”
“...You’re kidding,” Cross says flatly, gaping at the babybones in disbelief. “You finally say ‘mom…’ to manipulate me into giving you a cookie?”
“momomom!...”
“Good job, Melly-Bean!” Misery cheers her sibling on excitedly. “I taught you that! C’mon, mom, give Melly a cookie, they earned it!”
And Cross can’t even disagree with that. Mel did earn it! He just wished it hadn’t been through learning from their sister that they could easily manipulate him into getting what they wanted... But again, he has to admit that it is kind of his own fault, because he loves making his babies happy, and of course, he gives in and hands over Mel’s prize. And they look so delighted as they messily eat their cookie, and they’re so cute with the crumbs and chocolate on their chubby little cheeks, Cross can hardly stand it.
When they’ve finished their treat and look pleased as punch, Mel nuzzles their face against his sternum, and Cross can’t be bothered to spare a thought for the cookie crumbs and chocolate on his sweater. He wipes their face off with a wet wipe and coos at them lovingly. “Yeah, you deserve it. You did real good, honeydew. I’m so proud of you!”
“Melly! Melly, look at me!” Misery calls to get the babybones attention. Once her sibling is looking at her curiously, she turns back to Cross with her pouty lip and a mischievous look in her eye. Oh no. “Mooom, can we have another cookie? Pleeease, mom? Mooom?”
Melancholy catches on quickly and turns their own pouty lip up at Cross, whining imploringly. “Mmmomomom?”
Oh god, not two of them. Cross is screwed.