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It's not when Nichrom falls. It's not even when they come back from the dead after the ultimate gamble. It's later, almost too late, when Ren gathers the courage he needs.
The X-LAWS are taking everyone to the mainland in their ship. Strangely enough, now that they're not zealot enemies, they're fine people. Everyone is eager to leave the island behind, along with everything that happened in it, with scars that, unlike Ren's own, were not visible to the world.
Yet his hands shake. Their eyes meet across the gentle bonfire, but his smile is much, much warmer than any flame. Ren looks away, his heart racing with just that.
Foolish, he tells himself.
And yet, the night they decide was going to be their last on that island, Ren cannot sleep a wink. He tosses and turns, noticing that most of his friends are in the same position. But he knows it isn't for the same reason.
He had made peace with the blood on his hands. None of his friends had ever had to kill before. Maybe... he could be of guidance to them. If they asked, of course.
If... Yoh asked...
With a grumble, Ren gets up. There is no point in pretending. Besides, it may be the last time in a long while that he can enjoy the steaming waters of the hot springs.
He covers himself with a towel and sits until the water reaches his heart, hoping for some soothing.
Instead, he hears a giggle. One that makes him and his heart jump.
"Who knew I'd find you here?" Yoh asks.
Ren must hide his face as the other boy comes to sit beside him, just like the other day after their tournament fight. He can feel his cheeks heat up by his mere presence.
"Couldn't sleep?" Yoh asks again, prodding him for an answer.
Ren huffs. "Isn't it obvious?"
"Yeah. I couldn't, either."
Then, silence settles. To Yoh, the silence is fine. To Ren, it's mortifying.
"You're really not going to say anything?" Ren asks this time, annoyed. He gets a chuckle back.
"There's so much I could say," Yoh admits, looking at the night sky. "But, at the same time, aren't they things we don't have answers to?"
Ren rolls his eyes. "Typical of you."
Yoh giggles. Ren has to swallow to keep his heart inside his chest.
But he could pretend. He had been pretending for a while. He hated lies, yet here he is, concealing one of the most important truths he has ever held.
But what would be the point of it? Nothing but pain. Yoh is already taken. Was, even before they met. Nothing is going to change by him admitting to the weakness of his emotions. That gullible, beating piece of flesh inside him; the ultimate betrayer.
Yoh sighs and rests his arms back on the stone edge, spreading his space. Ren tries not to shy away, to not be too obvious.
The silence is not relaxing, his closeness is distracting, and the water is only making his face heat up way too much, so Ren decides it's time to go.
However, just as he gets up, the lights go out.
"Ah..." He hears Yoh think aloud, "So that's what happens when the Patch are gone..."
Well, fuck. He wouldn't be able to find his way in the dark. He supposes he could summon the Spirit of Thunder to provide a lantern-sort-of light for him—
"What are you doing?" Yoh asks, his face hidden by the darkness of the night in the middle of a nowhere-rural island.
"Leaving," Ren replies, curt and short, like he always does.
"Just sit back down."
"Why?"
"Because," Yoh pauses, "Aren't the stars gorgeous like this?"
Ren, who was about to find Yoh just to kick him, suddenly understands and looks up as well.
The stars have never been clearer in the Japan skies.
With another pissed off sound, Ren carefully sits back down. The water feels even warmer.
Finally, the quiet is somewhat comfortable for Ren, knowing that Yoh is busy looking up. But it's still a little unnerving, not being able to make sure he is looking elsewhere.
Several minutes pass. Ren is finally starting to relax, thinks he might be able to catch a nap or something, when—
"Ren?"
Ren jumps so high he almost gets his body out of the water completely. His voice was way too close!
"What the hell?! Back off!" His hands quickly find Yoh's chest — because it's right beside him — and pushes him away.
Yet Yoh doesn't apologize. Or say anything.
When Ren realizes his breath is out of check, he steels himself like the warrior he is. But there's another fast breathing going on after he calms his own down.
"What's the matter with you, did you want to give me a heart attack?" Ren continues his complaint, seeing as Yoh hasn't apologized yet.
Even so, the apology never comes.
Ren knows this to be one of his fatal flaws, quite literally, and he still reacts with impatience and rudeness.
"Well?! Answer me!"
Just as he does that, he splashes his hand back into the water, just to make his point.
But, a moment later, as he touches the stone underneath, something touches him.
In the dark, it could be anything. His first thought is a snake. He removes his hand in a jolt and tries to get up—
"Wait."
The touch is unmistakable. Yoh's hand finds and reaches for his own.
"Wait... Please."
Ren's heart has never jumped up his throat to the point of making him choke. He almost coughs. But... he doesn't.
He feels he will break something if he does.
Yoh is not grabbing his hand like they did when the soul train arrived to save them in the Great Spirits. It's more like the time he went to China to save him from his father and held him to give him courage.
And yet, it's more than that.
"Please," Yoh repeats himself again, quieter.
Ren is barely breathing. Not being able to see Yoh isn't helping.
But...
Even without the puppy eyes, he can't say no to him when his voice sounds so... vulnerable.
So, slowly, carefully, Ren sits back down.
Despite it being so dark he couldn't see a thing, Ren looks away. Despite the dark making it so that no one could see anything, he hides his blush. Moreso when Yoh doesn't let go of his hand.
"What is it?" Ren finds his voice after a long moment.
Yoh, once again, doesn't say anything. But his hand doesn't waver.
Ren has an idea. And it makes him sigh.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to disappear. We will only be a train ride away."
That doesn't seem to be it, however, when Yoh once again stays quiet.
"If it's not that, then, what is it?" Ren asks, his nerves making him agitated. "Why are you touching me? Why are you asking me to stay? Why are you being so weird?"
Ren only realizes what he said when he can't take it back. Weird. Yoh's fingers twitch and start moving away.
Ren doesn't stop him.
"S... Sorry," Yoh finally says. "I..."
But it seems not even Yoh knew what he was doing or why he was doing it.
When his hand fully moves away, Ren feels bereft of all warmth.
The next thing Ren hears is the water.
"You don't have to go," Yoh says, but his voice sounds strange, unlike him. "I'm the one who came in last."
Ren understands. Yoh is leaving.
Suddenly, his head starts screaming at him. To grab him, to pull him back down, to ask him to stay, to touch him, to kiss him, to never let him go.
He doesn't.
Yoh stumbles against the stone edges, but catches himself. He pulls himself completely out of the water.
"I... I swear there was a lamp here somewhere... or a flashlight or something..."
Ren sinks into the water. Yoh's voice is shaking. And it's obvious it's because of him.
His chest aches.
"I... I can't find it... Sorry, Ren, I swear I'll leave soon—"
He can't take it.
The water makes noise again and a ball of light illuminates the onsen bath. Yoh's back straightens, but he doesn't turn around.
"I'll take you to your room," Ren says, his face trained neutral.
Yoh then seems to wipe his face, but when he turns, he's smiling the simple smile he's always had.
"Thank you."
The walk to Yoh's room is even more awkward than the silence in the hot springs. Ren knows he fucked up whatever that moment had been. He knows he hurt Yoh's feelings. But he's too stubborn and proud to do anything about it.
Besides, once again, so what? It's not like circumstances could change. They wouldn't, no matter how much he might want them to.
Yoh is engaged. His heart belongs to Anna. Those statements had been true for years.
Ren would just be... getting in the way.
And that was thinking too highly of himself. As if Yoh could love someone... something as him. There is nothing for him beyond friendship. And he should be grateful.
But a part of him can't help but wonder the answer to the questions he had asked Yoh. Why? Why is he hurt? Why did he grab his hand? Why did he ask him to stay?
Foolish, he called himself again. Foolish fool, hoping beyond hope.
When they get to Yoh's room, a third option occurs to Ren. Perhaps what Yoh had wanted was comfort after the fights against Silva and Hao. Perhaps he had called it hours ago, when he was stuck inside his own head, and all Yoh had wanted was for guidance; for a chance of a light at the end of the tunnel from carrying these sins.
Damn it. He was incredibly stupid.
"Yoh—" He tries.
"Good night," Yoh interrupts with a whisper and a smile Ren has seen a thousand times; a smile he knows is fake. Yoh wants to end the evening here. He doesn't want to fight anymore.
But Ren does.
"It'll pass," he promises. He doesn't quiet down his voice. "You of all people can make amends for the blood you spilled. After all, you're too good. Anything you do will make up for that sin. Because all you do is good. Beyond good. You let your heart guide you. And it's never led you astray. So, don't worry about it. You'll—"
Then, Ren feels something strange. His back is pressed against the wall as something warm covers his mouth.
His eyes widen. The ball of light bounces on the floor and disappears. But not before Ren can see Yoh's face pushing softly against his.
Yoh pulls back before Ren can do anything.
"You think there'll be something I can do to make up for that?" Yoh asks. Ren can swear he is smiling, but his voice is trembling.
It's Ren who is speechless this time.
"I'm sorry, I just, you were saying such nice things... A-and you said I do good by following my heart..."
Ren can't even breathe.
"I just... I wanted..." Yoh's voice shakes more and more, starting to disappear.
No. Not again.
Do something, you fool, Ren's inner voice pleaded.
Ren is a fool. A fool that grabs Yoh's robe and pulls, a fool that tastes those sweet lips like it's the nectar of the gods, a fool that doesn't know that he’s supposed to breathe while kissing.
The kiss is long. Yoh doesn’t jump away or at all; he holds himself against Ren, and Ren can feel Yoh's whole body going lax. Ren's mouth doesn't know what to do, but Yoh's does, and the tender massage on his sensitive skin throws wave after wave of shivers up Ren's body.
It only ends when Ren pushes Yoh away to gasp for air. Ren keeps his eyes closed, even though they can't see a thing. But he hears a small huff of a chuckle before his cheek is caressed. He opens his eyes. He can only see the sparkle in Yoh's dark orbs.
"Do you mean it?" Yoh asks — again with that vulnerability in his voice.
Ren instinctively wipes his mouth from the kiss. He could swear Yoh can see the blush on his face, because he giggles again.
"I..." Ren tries.
"Yes?" Yoh urges.
"I..." Ren hesitates.
Yoh waits. He is the patient one, the kind one, the worthy one.
"Why...?" Ren ends up saying instead, "Why do you feel this way for someone like me?"
The hand on Ren's cheek follows his arm down until it finds his hand. Yoh laces their fingers together.
"Because you're good too."
Ren winces and looks away.
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not. Ever since I first met you, I knew. Your heart has always been good. You just needed... a push in the right direction."
As if to further his point, Yoh pushes Ren against the wall again. The next thing Ren knows is Yoh is whispering in his ear and every hair in his body stands on end.
"You better mean it about the train ride."
Almost feeling Yoh's smile on him, the door opens and Yoh waves bye at him before disappearing into his room.
Only then do Ren's knees give out. He slides down the wall onto the floor... and softly reaches for his lips with his finger, tracing the feel of Yoh's against them.
The dawn of the next day is welcomed by all with quiet cheering. Seldom can they believe they are alive after the ordeal, yet they are. The future awaits them. Especially so for the five elemental warriors, burdened with the future of mankind yet again.
But they could enjoy life this time around.
As shamans and humans climb onto the ship, Yoh's group stay last. Yoh looks back at the island with bittersweet feelings.
"Don't tell me you're thinking of staying."
Ren's voice is back to its usual candor. Yoh faces him and gives him a smile.
"Not a chance. I can't wait to start life again."
"You say it like what we had wasn't life."
"You know I don't mean it like that."
"Then, how do you mean it?"
Yoh takes a deep breath. Then, he reaches to the sky with his hand as seagulls cry in flight.
"It's a brand-new chance. We experienced fun and pain, yes, and I won't forget it. But we hardly grew old. Well, except you, with your birthday."
"Don't remind me. Horohoro made a mess we all had to clean," Ren crosses his arms and looks unamused.
Yoh giggles.
It's their turn to board. Team The Ren goes first, then everyone else. But Ren turns back at the last second.
"Yoh."
Yoh blinks at him, perplexed. But his surprise doesn't leave when Ren grabs a handful of his clothes and pulls him down to his level — to whisper into his ear.
"I love you too."
Yoh's eyes and mouth open wide. When he turns to look at Ren, they are both blushing. But Ren grins.
"Close your mouth, you idiot," he teases, then waves. "See you soon."
Ren doesn't rush to go back aboard the ship. Instead, he enjoys the sensation of having Yoh's eyes fixed on his back as he disappears into the crowd.
Yoh does close his mouth. When his hands work again, he scratches the back of his head, and once again turns to the island.
"Thank you," he says with a smile before sprinting up the bridge.
The ship leaves the island. With it, their journey ends... and starts anew.