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It's a normal spar. Loop starts it, like always, but it's not ever like it was that one time again. It's just—play fighting, like cats biting and batting at one another. They're never actually trying to hurt each other.
They're not, Siffrin knows that, but...
He laughs a little awkwardly, squirming under Loop's suddenly very firm pressure. “You, uh, win...?"
Loop's eyes are narrowed, smiling, or at least smiling-adjacent. Siffrin thinks. They're not as certain as they usually are. When they swallow, he feels metal against his neck. “Th-this is a little close to my neck for comfort, Loop..."
“Oh, but stardust. I thought it was my turn to have you pinned to the ground!" Their voice is sing-songy, light, but the knife doesn't move. “What about equal rights, hm? What about justice?"
“Justice...means you having a knife up to my neck?"
Loop snickers. The knife shifts in their grip. “That's exactly what justice means."
“Oh." They're silent a while, just Siffrin looking up at Loop, trying to figure out what their expression means, while they smile down at him. “If you're going to kill me, you can just get on with it, you know."
They mean it to be a joke, honestly, except for also maybe he doesn't entirely, because their voice wobbles slightly when they say it, and his heart has beat too fast for a while now whenever Loop is around. Hasn't he always wondered, after all, if—if this cautious affection between them wasn't too good to be real? If every time Loop held their hand, it wasn't, perhaps, lulling them into complacency before—after all, why wouldn't they? Why would they actually care for Siffrin? Why, when Siffrin has done all he's done, and when he's only...just...
Loop shines, in more ways than one.
If only one of them were left, then...it should probably be…
Loop blinks, then bursts out laughing, dropping the knife. “Aw, stardust, you're too cute. Did you really think—I would never!"
“Oh," Siffrin says, feeling wrong-footed.
“I...would never," they repeat, softer now, dropping to their elbows, bringing them suddenly, strangely close. Siffrin's heart gives a horrible thud. "Not to you. Not anymore. I promise. Never to you."
“Oh," Siffrin echoes, feeling their traitorous heart speed again, pumping blood to his cheeks. They cast about for words to say and only find a lame, “Well. Good."
Loop's eyes curve. “Did you actually think I would? Be honest."
Siffrin's mouth feels dry. He can't lie under Loop's intent gaze. “I don't know," they finally say. “But I would've let you. Only you."
Loop's eyes go slowly wide, wide enough and slow enough for Siffrin to realize how strange that was to say. He's considering apologizing when Loop's expression gentles even further, melts. They drop down fully on Siffrin, blanketing them with their full weight. They nuzzle into Siffrin's chest.
“And that's why, you know," they mumble, muffled. “I could never let you go, not when you're this sweet."
Siffrin feels like they're being dangled over a cliff, heart in their throat and beating so quickly it's the only thing he can hear, that Loop is the only thing they can feel, buzzing and all around them. Cautiously, he brings his hands up to Loop's back, then squeezes tight.
Loop makes a content noise, nuzzling even deeper, like they want to crawl into Siffrin until they become one. Siffrin would still let them, he thinks, dazed.
“Don't, then," they whisper.
"...Okay."
They don't, at least not for hours. The knife lays forgotten beside them. Siffrin hasn't felt quite so safe in a while. He drowses off at some point, and when they wake up, he's still alive. Both of them are.
"Next time is my turn," they murmur.
“Mm?" Loop stretches contentedly. “Turn to do what?"
“To have you pinned down."
Their eyes blink, sleep-languid, before the glow around their head intensifies. “O-oh," they stammer, then laugh. “My, stardust! So forward! Well." Their eyes go cat-sharp again, predator against predator-willingly-become-prey. “We'll just see who wins, then."
Either way. Either way, Siffrin wins.
...He won't say that. They nod, and hug Loop a little closer still, and they let him.
So. Well. Perhaps they're both winning either way, then, really.