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Youmu Konpaku hummed a tune to herself as she held the body of a rubber hose in both her arms, walking along the rows of cherry trees in Hakugyokurou’s garden and making sure each plant had plenty of water to make it through the coming hot summer days in the Netherworld. She’d only just finished her usual training regiment, so both she and the clothes she wore were drenched in sweat; even aiming the hose felt like a challenge. She couldn’t help but smile, though, having performed well during training today and now getting to relax with her beloved job of gardening. After all, she was the gardener of Hakugyokurou - not its swordsman. Today was sure to be as good a day as ever, just another relaxing day of Youmu’s usual routine.
“YOUUMUUU!!” A voice hollered from across the shrine, spooking Youmu (who hadn’t heard anything above five decibels in the past ten minutes) so bad she dropped the hose to the floor.
The gardener sighed as water poured out onto the dirt from the hose that now sat at her feet. That voice certainly didn’t sound distressed, so it wasn’t likely to be some sort of catastrophe, but something was still needed of Youmu. She crouched down and twisted a valve on the hose until the flow of water stopped, and began her relatively short trek back inside to tend to whatever whims her master was having.
How did the Kappa even manage to get plumbing all the way to the Netherworld?
“I’m here.” Youmu informed as she slid open the shoji to her master’s bathroom. The humidity and warmth of the air immediately washed over Youmu, reminding her of the boiling hot baths her master always takes. It smelled strongly of soap bubbles.
Unsurprisingly, along the far wall of the room sat Yuyuko Saigyouji in a bathtub, staring peacefully at the girl who’d just opened the door. Her wet pink hair was currently her only defining feature, aside from her pale ghostly skin.
“Youmu, thank you for coming to my aid so quickly.” Yuyuko smiled. “Could you get me some more soap?”
Youmu nodded, pivoting on her heel and turning to walk away.
“Sure.” She muttered, before pivoting again to look back at Yuyuko with a confused look.
“Wait. Did I not buy you new soap just yesterday?” She asked, folding her arms behind her back.
“You did. I’ve already ran out.” Yuyuko nodded.
Youmu squinted her eyes another millimeter tighter.
“How have you already used up an entire bar of soap?” Youmu asked.
“Uhm…” Yuyuko looked down and clicked her tongue.
“I ate it.” She mumbled before laughing nervously and looking back up at her beloved gardener.
Youmu let out a sigh of pure exasperation. Not a slow exhale you’d respond to a mild inconvenience with, but audibly releasing all the air in her lungs and putting her index and thumb up to her forehead with her eyes closed. After a moment of still sighing, she opened them to see Yuyuko still smiling awkwardly.
“I was under the assumption we were already past this.” Youmu scoffed, crossing her arms in the doorway.
“I was hungry!” Yuyuko defended.
A brief pause followed, filled only with the sound of the bath water rippling from Yuyuko’s bodily motions during the course of the interaction.
“Do you really need to eat while bathing?” Youmu asked, not sure if the question was rhetorical or not.
“YES!” Yuyuko shouted.
Youmu bit her tongue.
“Why not… ask me to bring you a snack, or something?” Youmu pled, the initial draft of that sentence in her head having a swear word in it.
“Because that takes time.” Yuyuko countered.
“That doesn’t mean you need to resort to eating soap!” Youmu shot.
“But it tastes good!” Yuyuko shouted.
“IT’S SOAP!” Youmu shouted back.
“AND SOAP TASTES GOOD!” Yuyuko argued, sitting upright in the water and pointing at Youmu from the tub.
Youmu grit her teeth and let out a long exhale through her nose. She didn’t even know what to say at this point.
“I’m a ghost, ghosts can’t be poisoned.” Yuyuko argued, putting her hand down.
“Doesn’t it still give you… significant intestine pain?” Youmu recalled.
“Pain is all in the mind, Youmu. Didn’t Youki teach you that?” Yuyuko countered.
“DO NOT BRING MY FATHER INTO THIS! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU EATING SOAP!” Youmu yelled, completely losing her cool and sticking a finger out at Yuyuko, who immediately froze up.
Youmu took in a slow breath and tucked her arms behind her back again.
“Sorry.” Youmu muttered.
“It’s alright. Could you get me another bar of soap, now?” Yuyuko asked, to which Youmu shook her head firmly.
“You specifically ask me to buy the high quality expensive soap whenever I buy groceries. It’s a waste of our money to eat it.” Youmu countered.
“That’s why I ask you to, though.” Yuyuko replied, surprised she even had to explain this, because why wouldn’t it be obvious to Youmu? “It tastes better.”
Youmu was really fighting the urge to find a chair to hit Yuyuko with.
“You… You are not telling me you have preferences for the tastes of different soap brands.” Youmu gasped, completely bewildered.
“They have different ingredients.” Yuyuko pointed out, under the belief this helped her case.
“Please stop eating soap.” Youmu begged.
“No.” Yuyuko sternly answered, sinking back into the bath so only her head was exposed. “As your master, I order you to go and get me another bar of soap.”
Youmu stood there for a good second, trying to think of something to say, but she was completely at a loss of things to say to her master.
So she gave up, turned around in the doorway for the third time now, and walked off to a nearby storage closet to find a bar of soap for Yuyuko, the elegant and normal ghost princess, to eat in the bath.
“I can’t stand this fucking job.” Youmu muttered to herself as she walked off.