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Erik had no clue what made him think visiting the school again would be a good idea.
He showed up two days ago. Wanted to help Charles and Raven, and the kids- and he was also lost in his own shit for way too long.
The metal bender wanted a fresh start.
While he didn't agree with Charles on many things concerning mutant rights, he couldn't help but admit that what the professor was doing there was a blessing and a great thing for mutants.
So, he showed up. Wanting to help, to redeem himself, to do something that wasn't wallowing in hatred.
But... He didn't know if he was capable of it. He couldn't contain his anger or speak softly like Charles did. He didn't have Raven's empathy or Alex's natural talent for making kids trust him. Nor was he a genius like Hank, capable of helping the kids. He was just... Erik.
He was a killer, a death instrument, and no matter how hard he tried to hide it, he would forever be the same angry, unlovable person.
That's life. Because no matter what happens, he will forever be that starved, terrified, furious kid from the camps. No matter what Charles says about other things being inside him, Erik knows he will never know peace. That, as long as he is alive, people will be out to get him, his kind, and this time, he has to have the power to stop it.
He started twirling the metal coins he held in his hands. Going around one finger to another, down and up, as if dancing. It calmed him, in a way.
"That's really cool!" Erik jumped at the voice behind him.
"Uh, thanks?" He said awkwardly, looking at the kid. He was young, about 8 years old. He was wearing a blue T-shirt and loose black pants, His short curly hair framing his face. He was holding a Red toy car in his hand and smiled shyly at Erik.
"I'm David," The kid introduced himself.
"I'm Erik."
"I know," David grinned. "Alex told me!"
"What are you doing out here?" Erik couldn't help but wonder. "It's pretty far from the school."
David's smile faltered. "I just- uh-"
"It's ok," The older man hurried to say. "You don't have to tell me. I was worried, that's all."
"It's just really loud sometimes," David's voice was bearly above a whisper. "And Batya had class, so I thought I could go somewhere quiet. I'm sorry."
Erik's heart nearly broke. "You have nothing to be sorry for, David,"
The kid didn't seem convinced.
"You don't have to go back before you want to. But would it be alright if I sit here with you? It's not very safe to be out here alone."
David nodded, his eyes filling with tears.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Erik panicked.
"It's just- I- It's all so loud and I'm really trying but I always just hear things and-" The kid began to sub "It's just so loud."
"I'm guessing you have super hearing?" Erik said as he sat down to reach eye level with the kid.
David nodded.
"Well, did you tell Charles or Hank about any of this? I am sure they would love to help you." Erik tried.
David started to shake his head fast. "No, no, you can't tell them, you can't-"
"I won't do anything without you saying I can," Erik promised. "But can I ask why you don't want them to help?"
David looked at him with tears in his eyes. "I don't want them to test me. I can't do this again."
Erik froze in his spot.
So, David was one of the 'research' kids.
He felt the familiar hot burn of anger settling in his bones, urging him to get the names of every shithead that ever laid hands on the kid and put a bullet between their eyes. But as he looked at David's trembling form and tear-stained face, he realized that's not what he needed. Not now. Right now, he needed Erik to be here.
"That makes sense," He agreed quietly.
The kid looked at him with wide eyes. "You are not going to try and promise they won't? That's what the other kids did."
Erik shrugged. "Why would you believe me? We met today. You have every right to be scared, David, and I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do."
"Thank you," He said in a small voice. "I feel stupid. They all say I can trust them but I- I'm just scared."
"Look, I-" Erik hesitated for a moment. "I know how you feel."
"You do?"
He nodded. "I do. When I was a kid, people tested me. They wanted to see how far they could push me to use my powers. I was... I was so scared for so long. I didn't know how to make the pain go away."
"So how did you make it stop?" David asked.
"I didn't," Erik smiled sadly. "I didn't know there were people out there who cared, and when I met them, I didn't believe it. I thought the whole world was bad and out to get me because that's the only thing I knew."
He never opened up like this, but David was hanging on to his every word like a lifeline.
Taking in a breath, he continued. "It hurt really bad," He admitted. "It hurt and I felt like the pain would never have any end."
"Did it?" The kid asked.
Erik thought for a moment. "Pain doesn't disappear. It doesn't work like that. But... It does get better. With the right people, you can live a life that is more or less normal."
"You remind me of my dad," David said out of nowhere.
"I'm sorry?" Erik couldn't contain his surprise, and knowing what often happened with parents of mutant children, anxiety.
"He would also say stuff like that," The kid shrugged. "And he had the same numbers on his hand as you do."
oh.
Erik was not prepared for this. He froze for a moment before forcing himself to talk. "What happened to him?"
"The bad guys killed him," David said. "Mom too. Batya always says that they were just taken away, but I know they are dead."
Breathing deeply, Erik considered his next words carefully. "Do you know what the numbers mean?"
"No," He admited. "Mom always told us not to ask because it makes Abba sad."
Abba.
So, he was Jewish.
"They mean," Erik carefully said. "They mean that people tried to kill your father for who he was. And that he survived."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Yes. It means your father is a fighter. He saw hell and came back from it. Your dad was strong, David, and so are you."
"They tried to kill you, too?" David asked.
"They did," Erik said and smiled. "And look at me now, huh?"
"So you are also a fighter," The kid concluded.
"I guess I am," He agreed. "We both are."
"I think I'm ready to go back," David declared. "I'm ready to fight."
Getting up, Erik began walking with David toward the school. "Life is about more than fighting. You need to live, not just survive."
David stopped talking for a moment and then asked: "What's the difference?"
Erik thought for a moment before he replied. "Well, when you are trying to survive, you don't see the good in the world. You only see the bad stuff, the pain and misery. It turns you into a sad person. When you are living, however..."
He hesitated. How was he supposed to explain something he had never felt before?
"When you are living, I think it's about the balance. Holding on to the good that is in the world, trying to keep it safe."
"You don't know tho," David commented. "Because you are surviving like me."
Why the hell was that kid so smart?
"I am," Erik admitted. "But you don't have to."
"Why are you not living then?" David asked in an innocent voice.
"I think it's too late for me," He smiled sadly. "But it doesn't have to be for you."
"Maybe we can try together," David suggested.
"Maybe."
They stopped talking until they reached the back door of the school, the one leading to the kitchen. "I'm scared," He admitted.
"You are allowed to be," Erik reassured. "But you are not alone."
"Would you go with me?" David asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"Where?"
"To talk with the professor and Mr. Hank."
"Of course, I would," Erik smiled. "We are a team now, aren't we?"
The kid's smile and little nod were worth every bit of pain that bringing up those memories brought him.
They entered the kitchen and turned left into the hallway. They turned right into yet another hallway, and there on the left was the door to Charles's office.
Holy shit, was his house big. What the fuck were they doing with so many rooms before?
As they stood before the door, David reached and grabbed Erik's hand in his own. He squeezed it as hard as he could and didn't let go.
Shooting David a reassuring smile, Erik lifted his hand to knock before Charles's voice called, "Come in!"
He stepped in, David still clutching his hand.
"Erik!" Charles said as if he didn't already know who was at the door. "What can I do for you, my old friend?"
"I'm peachy," Erik said. "David here wanted to talk with you."
"Oh, well, I am listening."
"It's ok," Erik encouraged the kid. "I am right here."
"Everythingissoloudandithinkimightexpload" David blurted out.
"You'll have to forgive me," Charles smiled. "Super speed is not one of my many talents. Would you mind repeating?"
David took in a deep breath. "Everything is really loud sometimes, and Mr. Erik said you might be able to help, but I don't want any needles."
"Of course," Charles flicked himself on the forehead. "Super hearing, right? I apologize, I should have talked to you about it when you came here. We should be able to help with that- I think there is even a prototype somewhere around."
"And you won't use any needles?" He asked in a scared voice.
"Not if you don't want us to, no," Charles reassured. "I am so sorry I haven't talked to you about it yet- things have been crazy with Alex- but it is no excuse."
"It's ok," The kid smiled. "I probably would have put an egg in my shoe and beat it if you did."
"Oho!" Erik laughed. "Look who's adjusting to the extravagant language of this castle!"
"Don't corrupt the child," Charles scolded lightly.
"Thank you so much, Mr. Charles," David said.
"No problem. Do you want me to send Hank to find you when he's free? Or do you want a bit more time before we start trying to find a way to quiet stuff down?"
"I would like to try as soon as we can, please," David hesitated for a moment. "But, uh, can my sister be with me?"
"Wouldn't have it any other way. She'd kill me if I had let you do that without her. That girl loves you very much, David."
"I know," He grinned and then turned to Erik. "Would you come with me too?"
"Me?" He asked in surprise.
"We're a team, right? If you can... I want you there, please."
Trying to hide the emotions in his voice, Erik replied. "Nothing in this world can make me miss it, kid."
David smiled as if Erik had just said he would take him to Disney World.
"Now, I think Alex is teaching self-defense on the front lawn, and I am pretty sure Batya is there. How about you run along and join them?" The professor suggested.
"Ok!" David waved as he ran outside. "Thank you, Mr. Charles! Thank you, Mr. Erik!"
"You are very much welcome, dear!" Charles shouted back as Erik closed the door.
For a moment, they sat there in silence.
Then Erik broke it. "Shut up."
"I'm not saying anything."
"You are smiling."
"A man isn't allowed to smile in his own office anymore?"
"It's your 'I was right and you were wrong' smile. I don't like it."
"Oh, but love, I thought all of my smiles were ravishing in your eyes!" Charles called in fake dismay.
In response, Erik threw a pencil at him.
"Ouch," Charles said as the pencil fell three feet away from him.
"You want me to aim better? Because I can."
"No, thank you," Charles's eyes shone with mischievousness. "So..."
"So what?" Erik grumbled.
"So did you realize what I said about balance and you making a difference, not through violence but through love, was true?"
"Why must you suck the joy out of everything in this world?"
"So you can continue looking at nothing but the dark parts of it, my dear," Charles replied. "But I believe it has changed over the past day, hasn't it?"
"It did not!" Erik argued. "But..."
"But?"
"But I might be willing to give your idea of a school a second chance. Teaching mutants to stand up for themselves and embrace who they are is what I have been trying to do for years."
"I know," The professor nodded. "I know you did."
"I cannot believe I am saying this, but I would like to stay and teach. That is, of course..." Erik swallowed. "If you'll have me."
"My old friend," Charles grinned at him. "Nothing in this world would make me happier."
"But I'm not going to stop looking out for our kind," Erik warned. "I know you want to see the best in the world, and I love you for it. But I have seen the worst of it, and I will not stop trying to protect us from it. Even if it upsets you."
"My love," Charles rolled around the table to sit next to him. "I wish you would be able to understand that the world is no longer out to get you."
"I'm a Jewish gay mutant, Charles. You seem to be the only person in the world who doesn't hate me for one reason or another."
"Then at least trust me when I say I won't let anyone in this school harm you. Not for who you are, who you love, or what you believe in. No hatred is allowed in here."
"But that's the point," Erik said, grabbing Charles's hand in his. "You act as if hatred cannot enter here. But the kids are still kids. The world will not be as kind to them as you are, and I want to set an example for them. Not to hide who I am, who we are."
"My dear," Charles whispered. "I would never ask you to hide. You have shown me how important it is to lead by example of being proud, and I would love nothing more than your help showing them that belief, mutations, or love should not be hidden."
"Lead by example, huh?" Erik smirked. "That's what we are calling it now?"
"Do shut up," The professor rolled his eyes.
"Make me."
"Gladly."