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“Abby?”
Abby turns with a smile for Luka, who is pulling his jacket from his locker. “Hi. Heading home?”
Luka shuffles his feet and looks down. “Ah, yeah. Uh. I heard Carter moved in with you.”
Abby smiles brightly. Too brightly. “He did. It’s um, it’s going great!”
“Good, good. I heard he was on a skiing trip with some friends.” Luka smiles at her.
Abby nods. “Yeah. Some guys from med school I guess? I really don’t know any of his friends. His family either.” She shrugs. “Anyway. See you tomorrow!” She hurries to the doors back into the ER, leaving Luka pondering and longing for her.
Abby leans back against the wall by the admit desk. The truth is, she has no idea who these friends of Carter’s are. As hard as she tried to change, to be what he needed her to be, she still could never begin to even climb the pedestal of perfection that John Truman Carter, III insisted she belonged on. So he froze her out of parts of his life while insisting that he should know every little thing about hers.
“Nurse Lockhart?”
Abby turns to see a younger nurse from surgery (she thinks) standing near her. “Nurse” Lockhart. She had broached the idea of maybe going back to medical school to Carter a few weeks prior and he’d given a non-committal grunt. She had a feeling that Carter wants her to stay “Nurse Lockhart” so the power dynamic in their relationship didn’t change.
“Yeah?”
“I’m Missy. Uh, they said you were short handed down here and could use an extra nurse.”
Abby sizes her up. She knew the difference between being an ER nurse and a nurse on any other floor in this hospital. It was like night and day. But they did need some help. “Great. Thanks. You can call me Abby by the way.” She gives Missy a distracted smile.
Missy’s eyes widen. “Oh. You’re….Abby?”
Abby lifts a brow. “Yeah. Why?”
“No reason! What can I do?”
Abby shrugs her reaction off. “Grab a chart.”
*****************************************************************
Abby lets herself into her apartment and tosses the keys on the table by the door. She shrugs out of her jacket and hits play on the blinking answering machine.
“ Hey Abby, it’s me. Just wanted to check in before we hit the slopes. You must not be home yet. I’ll…ah, I’ll call back later. Try not to…well, anyways. Bye.”
Abby frowns at the female voices and laughter in the background. Must just be in the lobby or something. And what did he mean by ‘Try not to’? She shrugs and wishes him a good time silently. She had plans for a hot bath and an exciting night of journal reading.
The phone rings two hours later, and Abby smiles as she answers. “Hi. How are the slopes?”
Carter’s voice is distracted on the other end. “Oh, they’re great. Just wanted to make sure, well….ah, what are you doing?”
“Working my way through the journals I’ve neglected. I hope you’re having fun.” She frowns again as she hears a voice in the background John, hurrrrry uppppp!
Carter chuckles nervously. “Yeah, having a good time. I’ll be home Sunday night, okay?”
“Sure. See you.” Abby rolls her shoulders and dismisses her uneasy feeling. Carter makes her happy. He really does. She knows he loves her. He’d relentlessly pursued her after all (ruining her relationship with a really good guy in the process). She didn’t have any right to doubt him or for this niggling alarm in the back of her mind.
******************************************************************************************
Abby and Carter walk hand in hand into the ER on his first day back on shift. She was relieved to have him home. He’d been his normal self when he came home, giving her a huge hug and a kiss on the forehead, saying he had missed her. Abby feels foolish for her dark thoughts about their relationship when things were obviously just absolutely fine.
Hanging their jackets in their lockers, Carter gives a smug smile at Luka when he comes into the lounge. “Hey Luka.”
Luka nods and moves to his own locker. “Hey.”
“I guess you’re leaving for Africa soon, huh?” Carter gives Abby a sidelong glance.
Abby freezes and tries not to let the panic show on her face. She shuts her locker. “Africa?”
Luka gives her a small smile. “Yeah, didn’t I mention it? I’m volunteering for a few months with L'Alliance du Medicines.”
“Oh. Um. Are you off shift then?”
Luka shakes his head. “A couple of hours yet. I’m taking a red-eye tonight.”
“ Tonight ?” Abby squeaks, she clears her throat when she sees Carter watching her with narrowed eyes. “That’s really fast.”
Luka chuckles. “Not really. It’s been in the works for months.”
Abby nods while her heart clutches. “Um, well. See you before you go?” Luka nods and Abby scurries behind Carter to the desk.
“Why do you care that Luka’s going to Africa?” Carter demands.
Abby recoils. “What? Are you serious? He’s my friend. Why wouldn’t I care?”
Carter just grunts and moves to the board. Missy slides up next to him. “Hi Doctor Carter.” she gives him a warm smile.
Carter smiles back but checks surreptitiously behind him to make sure Abby isn’t watching. “Hi there.”
Abby rounds the hallway and bumps into Chen. “Hey. Question for you.”
Chen smiles. “Sure. What’s up?”
“What do you know about that surgical nurse? Missy?”
Chen shifts awkwardly. “Not much, Abby. She’s been helpful down here.”
Abby lays a hand on Chen’s arm. “Jing-Mei, should I know something?”
Chen blows out a breath. “Look, Abby. You don’t have anything to worry about. I have a patient.”
Abby watches her go with narrowed eyes, then swings into trauma one where Carter, Luka and Missy are working on a GSW. “Need any help?” Abby asks through gritted teeth.
Carter simply concentrates on placing the chest tube while Luka gives her a nod and moves to make room for her. “Vitals?” She snaps.
Missy raises her brows, looking amused. “BP 90 over 50. Heart rate 58.”
“Great.” Abby concentrates on doing her job, emotions threatening to choke her while she works in this powder keg.
“I’ll take him up to surgery.” Carter snaps out and pushes the gurney through the doors.
Luka gives Abby a baffled smile. “You did good.”
Abby manages a smile back. “Thanks. Looks like this might be all I’m good at.”
Luka gives her a sad head shake. “You know it’s not. Anyways, I’m off.”
Abby’s heart clutches. She moves to hug him. “Take care of yourself, okay?”
Luka returns the hug and closes his eyes. “Yeah.”
****************************************************************************
Carter manages to hold his tongue until they’re in the apartment. “What’s your problem?”
Abby shrugs. “Nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.” He grabs her arm.
“Look, Carter, I’m tired. I spent the day humiliated because you were either freezing me out or flirting with the surgical nurse. I said goodbye to a friend who I may or may not ever see again. So forgive me if I’m not in the mood to placate your ego or your arrogance.”
Carter stops dead and eyes her warily. “What do you mean flirting with the surgical nurse?”
Abby snorts. “Oh, please. Like I’m blind. When did you sleep with her?”
Carter turns on his heel. “I’m going to bed. Coming?”
Abby sits on her couch. “No. Good night.”
Carter opens his mouth, closes it again. “You don’t trust me?”
Abby lifts her chin. “Who else was on the ski trip? You said a few guys. Every time you called, there were female voices in the background.”
Carter rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Abby. You know this is just about your insecurities and negative attitude.”
Abby shrugs and rises, pulls pillows and a blanket out of the closet. “Sure. Good night.”
***********************************************************************
Two Weeks Later………..
Abby sits with Susan in the lounge drinking bad coffee.
“So it’s really over?”
Abby nods and sips. “He moved out yesterday while I was here.”
Susan shakes her head. “And he’s really going to Africa to help Luka?”
Abby cocks her head at her friend. “Did you know?”
“That Carter was screwing half the hospital while he was shacked up with you? And probably more than that? Absolutely not. You know I would have told you.”
Abby smiles a little. “I know. I think Chen knew, but was embarrassed to tell me.”
Susan shakes her head slowly. “Chen’s been friends with Carter for a really long time. I guess I understand her covering for him, but it’s hard to believe. She’s your friend too.”
Abby rolls her shoulders. She wasn’t exactly sure why she had been so surprised to find out that Carter had been fucking other women the entire time they’d been together. She’d heard rumors of his dalliances for years. It was a little humiliating to realize she thought he just wouldn’t do that with her. Humiliating because she should have known. Nothing she had done had ever been good enough for Saint Carter. Whenever she made the effort, he pulled back and acted wounded or like some victim because he thought she was changing for him instead of herself. Abby blows out a frustrated breath. What the hell did he expect? He couldn’t love her for who she was, so of course she tried to make herself into someone else for him. And she realized all at once that she had lost an awful lot of herself in the meantime.
“Anyways. Yeah, he’s going to help Luka. I don’t want to talk about Carter anymore. How’s Chuck?”
*********************************************************************
Kisangani, Congo
“How’s Abby?” Luka blows out a stream of smoke as Carter joins him at the table.
Carter shrugs. “No idea.”
Luka’s spine snaps straight. “What do you mean?”
“We split up. I moved out a week ago.” Carter reaches for the bottle of beer on the table.
Luka nods. “Why?”
“You know Abby. Nothing’s ever right. Everything is wrong.”
Luka drinks. “Hmmm.” He glances over as Gillian saunters in and gives Carter’s shoulder a rub. He raises his brows as Carter bids him goodnight and follows her.
Finding the SAT phone in the kitchen, he dials a number he knows by heart. Would always know by heart. After working his way through the numerous operators his heart clutches at the murmured “Hello?”
He clears his throat. “Abby?” Luka hears rustling on the other end.
“Luka? How are you?”
“Good. I’m good. I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.” he hears her snort softly and smiles.
“Carter got there okay, huh?”
“Yeah.” He lets the silence hang between them. One word from her and he would be on the next plane home.
“So, Luka. When are you coming home?” she swallows hard, knowing he understood exactly what she was asking.
Home. Where Abby is. It’s the only place he’s ever wanted to be. “As soon as I can. I’ll buy you a pizza.”
“Deal. See you.”
************************************************************************
Four months later…….
Luka smiles when Abby stumbles into his kitchen and grunts. He knew very well that she was incoherent without a hit of coffee. He hands her a mug.
Abby gulps it down and gives him a sunny smile. “Good morning.”
Luka pulls her down into his lap and nuzzles her neck. “It’s a very good morning.”
Abby laughs and leans her head on his. “Carter was pretty surprised to see us back together.”
Luka strokes her back and nods. “Well, considering he waltzed in with his pregnant girlfriend, I’d say you’re even.”
Abby leans back and brushes her hand through his hair. “No, we’re not. I don’t care what he does or who he does it with. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, right here with you. You love me for who I am, not who you want me to be.”
Luka sighs happily and kisses her softly. “I do. I absolutely do.”