Work Text:
One, two, the time is running. The counting goes slowly down by the sound of the clock.
Two shapes were sitting on the chairs inside of one slightly dark room, with only one lamp at its way to light, facing each other with a heavy air that was settled around them. A table used to keep a distance between the two bodies
Eyes going back and forth, avoiding everything that didn’t want to see, after been fixed in the fingers that were wrapped around one empty cup, taping the top desperately trying to fill the obnoxious silence.
-Why you don’t look at me?-
Please look.
A faint smile escaped, lips curving at the final drawing delicate wrinkles around, urging to the most sarcastic way to show.
-What’s so funny about, huh?-
Staring at the other so deeply that it almost could saw through his head to his mind, wondering about anything and everything the other could be thinking.
-Nothing, it’s just… It’s stupid, you know- Letting go a sound that may be a laugh but it didn’t get to take the form and just leaved like a faint airy sound waving through the sadness.
-Why the hell is stupid?-
Jeongguk asked in frustration while his lips where formed in a tiny-tight line.
Gazing up and finally meeting the other’s eye, Jimin held the light curve in his mouth for just a moment before he putted a straight face, hands still on the cup tightening at the thoughts that ran like a storm in his mind. Passing through his eyes, he remembered the last time they were happy. The images felt so real like if he was there right now, and so he wished.
Silence fell and so the memories.
-Did it hurt? – Jimin voice broke and questioned Jeongguk honestly, he wondered about so many things but that was the only thing he was capable to articulate at the moment. He was afraid about the answer but he wanted to know, even if that could broke him in the inside.
But there was no answer.
And it felt like an eternity before Jeongguk answered.
-I can’t remember-
Was the pain a bit less since you were ready? Jimin thought but he couldn’t say it. Suddenly his mouth began to dry, his throat felt scraped by the lack of liquid and his shoulders were aching, he felt like if he was holding something heavy between them. Jimin unwrapped his fingers from the cup and rested his hand on the table. Jeongguk took the opportunity and grabbed Jimin’s hand on his.
-I’ve missed you. Did you missed me? - Jeongguk asked and Jimin could notice the sarcasm in his voice.
-Of course I did, I…- He was about to reply but Jeongguk cut him off.
-Did you ever thought about me? Do you know the hard time I’ve passed through? Because it seems that you didn’t care about me. You didn’t call once, never answered the phone, you threw me away like if I were something disposable. Did you ever loved me? - His voice was boiled with rage that it could be heard throughout the room, and so it did echo in Jimin’s heart, but he stayed still. Jeongguk’s hand tightened around Jimin’s and the later shook from the grip and stood up violently while the other sunk into his chair and sighed deeply in defeat, placing his crying eyes in anything but Jimin.
In the other hand, Jimin was searching for something in the cupboard. He was sure he putted in there whatever he was looking for, but it wasn’t.
-What are you doing? - Jeongguk turned to gaze a very anxious Jimin.
Desperately he opened every gate, even took a look in the stove, but anything. Jimin grumped at the air and buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes.
Jeongguk stood up and approached Jimin.
-I fucking asked you something- Grabbing his shoulder and stamping Jimin to the counter with his back hitting it hard, Jeongguk’s patient was on the verge of extinction. Jimin tried to pull away from Jeongguk’s grip for the second time, but it failed. He almost forgot how strong Jeongguk is.
-I just want something to drink, okay?! - Jeongguk pushed harshly Jimin, he was pissed off now.
-There is nothing there-
His eyes never left Jimin’s face.
-What are you trying to say? –
Is not that he didn’t understand, he did.
-I threw everything before- Jeongguk hisses. Their gazes were fighting an intimidating battle –There’s no alcohol in none of the corners of this apartment-
-Why the fuck did you do that! - Jimin shouted. It’s not that he was angry with Jeongguk, but he really needed a drink, he was craving for one. In a storm of angriness and lack of sense, Jimin grabbed from the collar the soft fabric of Jeongguk’s shirt and stamped him to the closest wall.
-Because I care about you! But from what I see you don’t know what that means, do you?!- Jeongguk spitted on, the veins of his neck started to showing up. It wasn’t easy for him to confront Jimin that way, but he couldn’t take it anymore –You don’t know what is to worry about someone, you don’t care anyone but you, and that... that… that hurts!- Bittersweet teardrops soaked the cheeks of Jeongguk, finding its way to the hand of Jimin –Is not fair! I… I…- and that was it. Jeongguk lost it and he started to cry sorrowfully.
And Jimin kissed Jeongguk.
It wasn’t sweet or lovely. He did it full of lust. The need of his lips against the other was overwhelming. Everything started to heat up; Jimin pushed harder, his tongue found its way onto the other’s cave and tasted the sweetness inside it, his hand slide down to Jeongguk’s hips and he shortened the space between them. Their crotches were rubbing so painfully that Jimin felt like dying.
Jeongguk had his hands intertwined in Jimin’s hair, pulling some hair tress. He wrapped his legs around the waist of Jimin, wanting to get more, to taste the poison Jimin was.
Every touch, every contact their skins could made never failed to send shivers all over their bodies.
Between moans and caresses from Jeongguk, Jimin took his legs to carry him to the sofa, were they could get more of what they wanted. He put Jeongguk down and he stayed on top.
Time began to run slowly but their movements became faster. Jimin took his shirt off and tossed it to nowhere, also Jeongguk, never breaking the contact between them, desperately to be inside the other.
For a moment Jimin broke the kiss heaving for air, and he looked inside the eyes of Jeongguk. He looked inside and he felt dumbfounded. The way the light was glowing onto them, the way his hair was all messed up over the rough fabric of the sofa, or how his lips were all puffy and red because of all the licks and bites Jimin made on them. Jeongguk looked beautiful, more from what Jimin expected. It wasn’t their first time together, but Jimin felt like if it was.
Both stayed in silence, but now it wasn’t awkward or heavy.
Jimin’s heart was thumping against his chest, almost making a hole in it, attempting to go out and run from there.
Jeongguk’s blood was boiling and his skin was extremely sensitive. He could felt every movement Jimin made (and so Jimin’s body). He felt how Jimin’s hand was placed on his temple. He felt how Jimin caressed his cheek with his fingers, he didn’t miss the way Jimin took his face between his two hands and pulled him into a kiss. The most sweet, lovely kiss he ever had.
Jimin kissed his lips, his jawline, going down slowly, almost painfully, to his chest, leaving marks in every spot he wanted.
They had sex and they made love. Their souls were one, melting at the heat and the rhythm their bodies had. Their hearts were beating together as one.
Between loud moans and cursing, both were at the edge of ecstasy.
-I-I’m close-
Jeongguk barely could breath. His body was soaked on sweat and his chest was going up and down so fast that it hurts, but he didn’t care.
-Me… me too-
Speeding up the movements, Jimin was panting. His legs were weak but his mind was high on the sky. After Jeongguk, he came with a loud scream of the boy’s name and he rested his forehead on the chest of the other boy.
Jeongguk was too tired to even say nothing, so he watched Jimin standing up.
He was too tired so he let Jimin clean him
Jimin turned off the light so they could rest. He made his way to the sofa and he carried Jeongguk to the bed. He took him into his arms and leaned back on the bed.
Jeongguk cuddle into Jimin and Jimin put an arm around his shoulder.
Jeongguk placed his head on the chest of Jimin and closed his eyes so he could hear Jimin’s breath, taking it and making one melody from both. He swallowed the scent that emanates from the elder. It was intoxicating, he knows, but he couldn’t do anything.
Jimin looked down to Jeongguk and watched him sleep.
He looked so vulnerable under his arms.
Jimin stared, so he played with little strands of hair from Jeongguk. He petted with love and sweetness.
-I love you-
Jimin smiled.
The rumble when he spoke felt so good and those words resounded in every corner of Jeongguk. His heart stopped at the time Jimin said that.
-Me too-
-… Go back to sleep-
The answer from Jeongguk took him for surprise because he supposed that he was slept by now, and Jimin was tired too.
He didn’t receive and answer back so he closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep.
-Then, why did you leave me? – Jeongguk’s voice was lower and hoarse from the tiredness but also from the knot he had in the throat that made talk so hard. With eyes still closed a hot droplet of water rolled down again from the corner of his eye.
-I loved him too-
Jeongguk’s heart stopped
-I loved him more- I thought I did, but maybe I was wrong.
Three, four. The clock still running but Jimin stopped, and he came back to reality.
He was on the same chair, the cup still in his hand, but Jeongguk wasn’t.
That were only a dream, Jeongguk there and the sex they had. Maybe it was, maybe no.
He looked above to the clock. Damn it. It was already late. He got to his feet and walked to the door, taking his coat and the keys of his car. Putting on his shoes, he checked his pocket; the note still in there, he could feel the rough paper. He took it out. He looked at it and every shape took form of letters, combined together to put on words, and words put together to form sentences. Jimin read it again, just to be sure.
He went out and closed the door, making his way to his car.
20 minutes it took to get to the place. Once again, he checked the note to assure it was the right site and it was.
He gazed the church from top to bottom. It was small and gray, just the way he felt. Making his way inside, he opened the door with such care, just to make sure he doesn’t disturb the silence wrapped around the people there. Jimin walked through the small place to sit on a bench placed on the side of a wall, giving him the perfect angle to look but not being looked.
He watched from afar all the ceremony, from the beginning to the very end. He watched as everyone approached each other and cried in the other’s embrace, trying to recognize some of the faces, mostly of them friends and family. He followed every movement of the people there, but he didn’t move a muscle. Not that he didn’t want to, but he felt numb and dizzy and the pain in his heart glued him to the bench.
Jimin closed his eyes and he listened to everyone’s murmurs, apologetic words and hurtful sobs, sighing to relieve some of the pressure his throbbing heart was making inside his chest. He listened how the room was getting quieter by the time, and when he opened his eyes, the room was almost empty, except for a few that were standing in front of a black open coffin, showing a body that rested on its white-silk fabric, eyes closed and arms crossed on his chest wearing a black suit; flowers crowns being placed around the coffin, with one bigger on top of it, with a photo and a name written on it. Jimin glanced to them, watching only their backs but then one boy turned his back.
And he saw him.
Jimin didn’t expect him to be there, and something inside of him broke, something at the very top of his chest, making violent waves of pain, anger and regret flowing through all his body.
He stood up, and when he was about to approach him, something caught his attention from the corner of his eye.
From the door front, there was a man making his way inside of the church, attempting to go to the other side where the coffin was placed. A man, whose hair was messy and blonde, whose face was pale and whose cold gaze could make you shiver. He was wearing a black suit with black shirt, matching his dark eyes but contrasting with his too bright hair.
Jimin froze, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe if only he could do it anymore. He forgot how to breathe, how to talk and how to think. He wanted him out of there, out of this moment and most importantly away from him. Jimin wanted him so far away, in a place where Yoongi could never go out to never come back.
The wound was open again so his mind navigated on the sea of memories, recoiling to every moment together, every shared words and every broken promises that Yoongi made, recalling all the harm, all the venom Yoongi threw towards Jimin.
He remembered every episode of anger, guilt, regret, pain and sorrow he went through when Yoongi and him were together.
Yoongi was the one to make him dump Jeongguk, he was the first to ask Jimin to live together, he was the first who took the initiatives to be together, but also was the one to say the most hurtful things to Jimin, the one who broke the heart of him and trampled on it like it was nothing, pushing him to the edges of his sanity, but going back when Yoongi said too many lovely and sweet things, whispering them on his ear while caressing his face, his arm, his body.
-I can’t continue with this-
-Oh come on hyung, it’s only a cake…- Jimin smiled for his hyung’s complaint.
-I found someone else- Yoongi cut off whatever Jimin was willing to say as he placed down the mixer.
Jimin looked up with big, puzzled eyes, as he was processing the words just said.
-You what?-
-I don’t love you anymore-
The last words still made a hole in his heart, digging deeply, swallowing the remaining love that was there.
He hates Yoongi, he hates him, but he still love him.
But he also loves Jeongguk, and he hates Yoongi for putting them apart and ripping his relationship.
And he hates himself for letting Yoongi inside of him, for him to let Yoongi dig into his mind and make him do stupid things, not being able to think right; to let him steal his heart with beautiful words, but drying it to fill it with poison and hate; to let him take away what was the most important to him; to let him take all of Jimin but never giving back; to let Yoongi draining all the forces of his body and for let Yoongi be his last thought.
Jimin hates himself, and there’s no way he could make things better. Tears were soaking his face and a knot was formed in his throat.
A loud thump made Jimin to going back to reality.
-What the fuck are you doing here?!- Jeongguk went over Yoongi, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, teeth clinched with anger and heat raised to the back of his neck, eyes looking directly on the other’s gaze, not being intimidated by Yoongi’s cold eyes.
-Is not obvious?- Yoongi took off the hand of Jeongguk harshly –I’m here for Jimin’s f…-
-Don’t even dare to say his name!- Jeongguk cut him off spitting on his face, with red teary eyes as his fist met Yoongi’s cheek, and it did two, three, four more times, Jeongguk already lost in pain and grief.
His breathing become irregular, chest going up and down at irregular times and his heart put on a pace too fast that almost run out from his chest.
-You did this to him!-
His screams were heard by all the place, sorrowfully hitting Yoongi with all his strength, hopeless and painfully.
-It’s your fault!-
Yoongi would hit him too, and he did it very hard, making wounds on Jeongguk’s mouth and cheek, just like his.
And he cried, he screamed and cried on top of Yoongi, but never giving up with his fight.
The people there ran towards them, grabbing Jeongguk by the arm, trying to stop him. He refused to let go Yoongi and he tried to grab him again, but the grip behind him got tighter and he couldn’t do anything.
They also helped Yoongi to stood up, but he refused the help, fixing his suit as he got on his feet.
-Get the hell out of here!- Jeongguk yelled at his face.
-All of you, get out!- Jeongguk spitted now, eyes closing by the ache on his whole body.
Yoongi spat blood, leaving a red spot on the floor but making his way to the exit. He couldn’t bear with the humiliation he just went through.
He stopped right by the door, peaking over his shoulder
-You know that he loved me, right?-
Jeongguk’s heart stopped.
-Jimin never stopped loving me-
-T-that’s no true!-
With that last words, Yoongi left but his words were echoing on Jeongguk’s mind.
Part of him didn’t want to believe it, but the other part knew he was right. I know you loved me. Yes. You still love me.
When everybody was out, he approached the coffin, looking down to see the peaceful face inside of it, touching with his shaking hands the glass that separates the dead body from the living ones.
Tears formed again on the corner of his eyes, lips pressed into a thin line, vibrating for the effort he was making to contain them.
But he couldn’t.
He leaned down his head, teardrops leaving his eyes, and little by little he broke down, and he did it painfully, wanting to rip his chest and throw away his heart in attempt to not feel anything anymore. He wished he didn’t has a heart so he will be dead and be by the side of Jimin.
He cried so hard until he felt drained of tears, until he felt tired and swollen.
Jimin approached the coffin, not wanting to look inside of it.
But when he did, he felt nauseous and wanted to throw up.
Seeing him in that casket is something he never wanted to experience, but now he was here and there was nothing he could do. He regretted everything but it’s useless. His decisions weren’t the best and now he was paying for it. He and the one he loved.
Jimin sat down next to him, looking painfully through wet eyes. Seeing Jeongguk like that is just so burdensome. It makes him to shiver and makes his heart doing twists inside, sinking in the most tormented storm he’d ever been.
He wanted to touch him, take him between his arms and telling him everything’s all right, but he couldn’t.
More than I can't have you,
The fact that I can’t give you anything is painful.
"I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
I only wanted to tell you"
He hates himself for that.
"That I am still in love with you"
-Jimin- Jeongguk said to himself -I love you-
Jeongguk thought that Jimin could never hear that again, but he was wrong.
A salty tear rolled down the face of Jimin.
I love you too.