Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

8/17/10

Dear mom,

Why did I agree to move into an apartment in America with Alfred? Or rather, why did I let him pick the apartment? I can’t believe I thought this would be a good idea.

It’s not a bad place. It’s clean and in a good part of town. We’ve got a supermarket within walking distance and the college is just a bus ride away. The rent’s decent too. Better than what we’d have to pay to stay in a dorm.

Our neighbors though… I don’t know what to think about them.

Alfred’s friend Kiku was the one who told him about this place. He lives a few doors down from us. Kiku’s from Japan, so sometimes I have a hard time understanding what he’s saying. He’s really nice though. Super polite. I’m amazed he gets along with Al so well. (Al’s loud and pushy and keeps borrowing my things without asking. It’s really annoying.)

A Chinese guy and his younger brother live across the hall from us. They’re usually pretty quiet and at least they can tell the difference between me and Al. Yao, the older brother, is a good cook. He brought us food when we moved in. The younger one goes by “Leon”. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him much. He’s usually playing video games or listening to music or ignoring Yao.

It doesn’t end there. Al and I are the only non-Asians on this floor.

There’s a loud Korean next to Yao and Leon who keeps tackling me in the hallway. I have to keep sneaking out whenever I want to leave. A little ways down the hall, near Kiku, is this guy from Thailand. Across from him are two girls, one of whom is from Vietnam and the other whose parents were from Taiwan. Those two keep cornering me in the hall, begging to style my hair. At least they ask before they touch.

I don’t like going upstairs. I’ve only had to once and I hope I never have to again.

Right above us is this really talkative Spaniard. I think I spent an hour trying to get away from him the other day without seeming rude. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he could remember who I am. Do I really look that much like Alfred? At least he wasn’t as bad that that Cuban guy with dreadlocks who nearly beat me up. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to see a fight break out in the hallway. I wasn’t involved in it! Neither was Al. No, there’s a guy from Greece and another guy from Turkey who ended up as roommates and they’re always fighting one another. It almost makes me want to know how they ended up rooming together. Almost. I’m afraid to go back upstairs and ask.

There’s one other person who lives upstairs, but I haven’t talked to him aside from introducing myself. His name’s Roderich and he plays piano. He has this accent that I can’t quite place. He sounds German, but it’s not the same as Gilbert and his brother’s, so maybe he’s from another German-speaking country. Unless he’s been here for so long that his accent’s starting to change.

Our landlord lives downstairs. He makes me glad to be Canadian and not French. So glad.

The rest of the people downstairs seem to be from somewhere in the U.K. They’re all brothers. Brothers who fight. A lot. I think all of them except the youngest have drinking problems. They’re drunk every time I see them in the hallway. Thankfully, they aren’t really rowdy drunks, they just do really dumb things. Al thinks it’s hilarious. He spends most of his time down there rather than helping me unpack.

I don’t know how one building can attract people from all over the world. I hope the rest of the town isn’t like this. I don’t think I could handle that.
Hopefully we’ll finish unpacking by this weekend. Do you think if I kick the doorknob hard enough it’ll break and trap us in here until someone comes to fix it? Maybe then Al will stay here long enough to unpack more than half a box at a time.

I hope things are going well at home. Gilbert hasn’t been bothering you too much, has he? I know how he gets sometimes.

Love,
Matthew

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8/25/10

Dear mom,

We finally got all of the boxes unpacked this weekend! Of course, I had to enlist the help of Kiku and Al’s new friend Arthur to keep Alfred on task.

His friends are so… not like Alfred. I mentioned how polite Kiku is in my last letter, but all I knew about Arthur was that he was the youngest of the brothers from the U.K. He’s kind of argumentative and moody, but he doesn’t get distracted by everything and actually puts things back where they’re supposed to be. I think he did more unpacking than Al.

Arthur also volunteered to cook us lunch.

We ended up going out to eat while waiting for the smoke to clear.

I introduced Alfred to maple syrup yesterday. Can you believe he’s never had any? He’s still pouring it on a bunch of different stuff. I might have to take it away if he keeps putting it on his hamburgers. So you might want to send down some extra maple syrup with your next package.

Oh! I found a place that sells maple ice cream! I was so excited that I ate a whole pint in one sitting.

Could you send me Gilbert’s address in your next letter? I think I remember what it is, but I just want to make sure. I don’t want to ask him because he’ll make fun of me for not remembering. It’s not like I’ve ever had to remember! He just lives down the road. His is the only house with a white fence splattered with bright coloured paint, which is why I’ve never had to memorize the house number.

Love,
Matthew

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9/2/10

Dear Mom,

Please send more maple syrup. I’m not sure if I can handle another trip to the other side of town. People around here are completely insane! I don’t know if it’s just this town or if all of America is like this. I’m not sure I want to find out.

Other than that, I’m fine. Though Alfred keeps stealing my shoes and then leaves one in the bathtub. I’m not sure why only one ends up in there. Or why/how it gets there to begin with. Maybe he sleepwalks?

Also, could you make sure Gilbert hasn’t broken into my room again? I don’t want to come home to find a thousand little birds and those pandas he keeps buying online all over my room.

Love,
Matthew

P.S. You might want to send two boxes of maple syrup this time. Al continues putting it on his hamburgers.

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9/28/10

Dear mom,

Sorry for taking so long to write. Al let a goat into the apartment and it started eating everything. I don’t know where or how he got a goat and I’d like it to stay that way.

Anyway, I had to get a job to help replace what the goat ate. I know you want me to focus on school and I still am! It’s only part-time. I work weekends mostly. And some evenings. Don’t worry, I still have time to study and I’m doing well in classes. If I start having trouble I’ll get a tutor and cut back on work hours.

Again, please make sure Gilbert isn’t camping out in my room, stealing my stuff and leaving behind weird things to replace what he takes. If you could also figure out why I can’t call him anymore, that’d be great. I keep getting “this line has been disconnected” and it’s starting to worry me.

Thanks for all the maple syrup and pancake mix!

Alfred says “hello”. He also wants to know if you want a goat. I just want to know when he’s going to get it out of the bathroom. As nice as Yao (our Chinese neighbour) is, I still feel really awkward asking to use his bathroom. And I’m never going downstairs to talk to the landlord ever again. He makes me wish I didn’t know how to speak French.

I’m half tempted to pack up some of my stuff and go stay with my friend Carlos for a while. (He’s the Cuban guy who lives upstairs. He apologized for almost beating me up when we first met and then gave me some ice cream. We had a nice talk about how not like Al I am.) Maybe then Alfred will get rid of the stupid goat.

Then again, maybe I won’t. As cool as Carlos is, he keeps mistaking me for Al and I’m getting tired of correcting him.

I miss home. At least there we don’t have a bunch of insane foreigners for neighbours. Just Gilbert and his brother.

Looking forward to winter break, when I can go home! So long as I don’t get snowed in. People down here are big babies when it comes to snow.

Love,
Matthew

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10/10/10

Dear Gilbert,

No.

I don’t care how funny you think it is.

I’m not running a zoo. We finally got rid of the damn goat! Now our bathroom’s overrun by fifty or so fluffy yellow chicks! It was bad enough when I had to tell everyone my brother found a goat and brought it home, at least they believed me then! But then I try to explain that my best friend’s an idiot and they all think I’m the one who went out and got the damn things.

You suck, Gil.

Sincerely,
Matthew

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10/12/10

Dear mom,

The goat’s gone. So are the chicks that Gilbert sent. (Finally!)

So what does Alfred do? He brings home a cat.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

Okay, maybe “hate” is too strong of a word. But I’m really, seriously annoyed with him right now. And he used the last of my maple syrup! Now I have to go across town again!

…

Okay, so it turns out he didn’t actually buy/find the cat. It belongs to one of our upstairs neighbours and he decided to “be a hero” and watch the thing while our neighbour is out of town.

Problem is, Al’s been calling it “kitler”.

Roderich, the owner of the cat, is Austrian and not at all amused.

Maybe I should bring Al home and introduce him to Gilbert so he can hear a real German accent.

No. Never mind.

The thought of those two meeting is far too terrifying.

In fact, I hope Gilbert never gets together everything he needs to come visit me. He’d get into far too much trouble. (And Alfred can forget visiting me at home. He shouldn’t ever be allowed out of the country.)

Please don’t tell Gilbert I said that. It’ll only encourage him.

I miss you.

It’s only been a few months since I got here and I already want to come home.

Love,
Matthew

P.S. Update on Al and “kitler”: He found doll clothes and decided to dress up the cat and then walk it around on a leash. I don’t think I’ve ever seen our Grecian neighbour so angry. Which reminds me, why didn’t Roderich ask Heracles to watch over the cat? Heracles loves them. Or they love him. Either way, I’ve never seen him without one or two.

P.S.S. Was Al dropped on his head as a child? Maybe I’ll ask dad.

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10/13/10

Dear dad,

Was Al dropped on his head as a child?

Or was it me? That might explain why I agreed to move in with him.

I’m sure you’ve heard all about the stuff going on here from Al, so I won’t repeat it.

I promise I’ll visit you when I get a free weekend. Maybe we can go to a hockey game! It might be interesting to see a game in America. My Maple Leafs are playing down here in a few weeks!

Love,
Matthew

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10/20/10

Dear Gilbert,

No, I won’t address my letters to you as “Gilbert the Awesome”.

I’m still annoyed with you, by the way. Though I have to admit that the picture you sent of your brother glaring at your collection of yellow birds made my day. It’s nice knowing I’m not the only one who has to deal with a brother with severe brain damage ADD.

Speaking of brothers with ADD, Al dragged me out to play catch with him yesterday. I hurt so bad today that it really isn’t funny.

Never play catch with Al.

It okay though. I’ll get my revenge when I teach him to play hockey this weekend. Remember when I tried to teach you? Good times…

Don’t worry. I won’t put him in the hospital. Though really, that was entirely your fault.

And our English neighbour from downstairs just set our kitchen on fire again. (Not on purpose, of course. He just has really bad luck with cooking.) Maybe I should put Al in the hospital. It might give me a break from the craziness around here. On second thought, I don’t really want to deal with Al in pain or on pain medication. He’s bad enough as it is.

I’ll give you a better update later. I have a fire to put out.

-Matthew

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10/22/10

Dear mom,

Alfred called me from inside a Laundromat dryer today. Yeah.

I left him there. His friend Kiku went and got him out. Al then came home, stole my shoes, and left for the arcade, all without talking to me. The only reason I know where he went is because Kiku was kind enough to tell me. He’ll be over it by the time he gets back.

I took him to the ice rink the other day and taught him how to play hockey. He picked up on it surprisingly fast. I think he was having fun up until I checked him into the wall. Don’t worry, he’s okay. No permanent damage, just some bruises and a bloody nose. (He keeps telling people it’s broken, but that’s a lie. I don’t think anyone believes him anyway.) At least now he knows to pay attention when I have my hockey stick.

Gilbert’s been quiet for a while. He hasn’t done anything too reckless, has he?

Winter can’t get here fast enough! It’s getting cooler everyday. I hope it starts snowing soon.

Love,
Matthew

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10/27/10

Dear mom,

Al’s dragging me to a costume party this weekend. I really don’t want to go, especially not if he makes good on that threat to put me in a maid outfit. It’s not one of those stupid French maid ones, but there is no way I’m wearing a dress of any kind.

I wish he wouldn’t spring this sort of stuff on me last minute. If he’d warned me a week ago, I could’ve asked you to send one of my old costumes to me! Maybe I can get away with buying a white sheet and cutting eye holes in it.

Enough about that. I figure it’s time to give you an update on the crazy things that have happened this week.

This week, Al got stuck in an air vent. I wish I was making that up. Getting him out involved a lot of butter. The next day, he got locked on the roof of the apartment building. I had to go downstairs and deal with the landlord hitting on me so I could get the key to go up there and get him down. (Somehow I get the feeling that it was the landlord who locked him up there. Do you have any good ideas on how to get rid of stalkers? Especially stalkers who own the building you live in.)

Surprisingly, that’s all the trouble Al got into this week. It’s almost tame compared to some of the other things he’s done.

Love,
Matthew

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11/3/10

Dear mom,

Alfred broke my hockey stick today. On top of that, he finished off my last bottle of maple syrup!

We’ve also started fighting over the thermostat. Alfred doesn’t like the cold. I’ve taken to sneaking in his room at night and opening the window. In response, he gets up once he starts shivering, closes my window, then cranks up the heat. If he keeps it up I’m going to make him pay the excess cost for the heating bill.

We’re also not talking to each other, which might be a good thing. I might hit him with my broken hockey stick if he tries.

Gilbert really hasn’t gotten into trouble lately? I hope he’s not sick.

Love,
Matthew

P.S. There is some good news. It started snowing today! It was just a little bit though. Not even enough for a snowball fight.

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11/5/10

Dear dad,

Canadian’s can so play football! It’s just a little different from what you’re used to. Hockey’s better anyway.

Love,
Matthew

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11/10/10

Dear Gilbert,

You know it worries me when you take so long to write back. I’m glad it was just because you’ve been so busy with class, work, and helping Ludwig with the dogs.

Me being worried for you doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for the chick thing. I’m still finding feathers. I’m not angry at you anymore. Just mildly annoyed.

Al broke my hockey stick last week. I finally found a replacement for it the other day. It’s not the best, but it’ll work until I can get back home for winter break. No amount of snow could stop me from coming home! I really need a break from Al and dad. They’re scarily similar.

Don’t plan too many crazy adventures for us. I’m looking forward to relaxing and kicking your ass in a snowball fight like I do every year!

I’ll give you some warning before I come home so you can put my room back the way it’s supposed to be. I know you’ve been in there, so don’t even pretend you haven’t.

-Matthew

P.S. Hey, this is Alfred, Mattie’s twin. I snagged this letter before he could send it off so I could ask you a favor. I’m putting some money in this envelope so you can change it to Canadian money or whatever and buy something for Mattie. See, I know he likes polar bears, so I want you to go out and buy the biggest, fluffiest stuffed toy polar bear you can find and then send it down here to him. If you need more money, send me a letter.

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11/17/10

Dear Gilbert the Awesome,

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!

You are the greatest, most awesome best friend in the whole world! I know it wasn’t entirely your doing, since Al acted really weird when I got my gift and didn’t make fun of me for hugging a giant polar bear and squealing like a girl.

I know you didn’t say it was from you, but the dog tag on it’s collar read “Kumajiro” and you’re the only one who knew about that. I can’t believe you still remember!

I guess this means I forgive both of you. Just don’t do it again.

-Matthew

P.S. We got a foot of snow today and then Al was dumb enough to challenge me to a snowball fight. Time to teach him that you can’t beat a Canadian when it comes to snow!

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11/20/10

Dear mom,

This semester is almost over. Everyone’s getting all hyped up for exams, except for Alfred who doesn’t seem to really care. I think he’s one of those people who crams at the last minute. Only problem is, Kiku and Arthur are refusing to talk to him so they can study a little at a time and finish up final projects, leaving me to deal with him on my own. Meanwhile, I’ve got two final projects to finish, a final exam in every class, and a hockey game to play with this Russian guy I met while going across town for maple syrup. (I’m a little nervous about that. He looks like he could really do some damage out on the rink. Hopefully I’ll be fast enough to avoid most of it.)

I’ve learned there is no escaping Al when he’s bored and has no one else to distract him. The only reason I’m able to write this letter right now is because he’s in the shower. He can’t sing very well. Once he gets out he wants to go bowling or something. It doesn’t sound like it’ll be much fun if it’s just the two of us. Maybe Leon (Yao’s younger brother) will go with us? It’s the weekend, so he doesn’t have school. Yong Soo (the Korean who keeps tackling me in the hall) might go with us too. I should go ask them before Al finishes with his shower.

…

I’m already regretting going across the hall to ask.

Francis, our landlord, was over there talking to Yao and overheard me asking Leon if he wants to go bowling. One thing led to another and now all three of them, Yong Soo, the Spanish guy from upstairs, Kiku, Arthur, and Arthur’s Scottish brother are all going with us.

This won’t end well.

Just a few more weeks until I come home! I’ll let you know the exact date in my next letter.

Love,
Matthew

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11/29/10

Dear mom,

My last exam is on December 9th, but dad and Al want me to spend a week or so with them after that. Something about “male bonding time”. Knowing dad and Al, it’s probably going to be something stupid or dangerous. So unless I end up in the hospital, I’ll be heading back home on December 17th. Hopefully I’ll be there before it gets dark.

We’re getting more snow as I speak! Thankfully, this place is pretty good about plowing roads. It seems that unless it’s to the point you can’t see two feet in front of you, everything stays open. It’s almost like being back home!

Al’s kind of pathetic though. He’s sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and a heating blanket cranked way up. Maybe I shouldn’t have dumped snow down his coat earlier.

Can’t wait to come home!

Love,
Matthew

P.S. You don’t need to pass along any message to Gilbert. I’ll take care of that.

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11/30/10

Dear Gilbert,

You hoser, I don’t say “eh” that much! And you’d better start putting my room back together! I’m coming home on December 18th. If there are any yellow birds or pandas in there that I have not personally accepted I will make sure you’re never able to visit me in America. I don’t know how I’ll do that, but I’ll find a way.

I already got you a gift, but you’ll have to wait until Christmas just like everyone else. You and Ludwig are both invited over on Christmas day, just like every year. I know you don’t need to be told since you drop by whenever you feel like it, even if when you feel like it is three in the morning, but I figured Ludwig would like a formal invitation.

Actually, I did find a hockey buddy down here. (Not Al. He’s way too into football.) He’s kind of intimidating and a lot of people are afraid of him, but he’s a great hockey player. I’m pretty sure I startled him when we played our first game together! Guess he wasn’t expecting me to be so aggressive. I’m going to need another hockey stick though. I nearly broke mine the last time we played.

Gotta go finish a final project before Al gets bored studying with his friends. Next time you hear from me, I’ll be at home and able to shove snow down your coat when you piss me off.

-Matthew

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12/11/10

Dear mom,

I hope this reaches you quickly.

Dad’s going out of the country for Christmas, so Al’s coming home with me.

Love,
Matthew

Chapter Text

Semester 2

1/7/11

Dear mom,

We made it back safely. Our trip was surprisingly uneventful. Al didn’t get stuck in anything or walk off and leave me behind or find some random animal and try to bring it home with us. Amazingly, he didn’t get arrested either.

He did think he saw a UFO at one point. He got so excited that I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was just a balloon. He rambled on about aliens for about an hour after that, and then went on to something about Texas and Mexico (or maybe it was New Mexico, I wasn’t really paying attention by that point).

The only eventful thing that happened was when we got back to the apartment to find everyone out on the “lawn” (which is really the curb and part of the road, though there’s a patch of grass between the building and sidewalk). Apparently Arthur set fire to his kitchen so everyone was outside waiting for the firefighters to finish putting it out.

And so, as I am writing this letter, Al is turning the couch into a bed so Arthur can stay with us until his room is repaired. It doesn’t bother me too much, since he’s a nice guy and all (even if he does have trouble remembering my name and telling the difference between me and Al). It’s just that I’d be much less annoyed if Al would ask before doing stuff like this.

I hope this isn’t a warning for how crazy things are going to be this semester.

We might be getting new neighbours soon, if I heard Al correctly. He was shoving hamburgers into his mouth at the time, so I was having trouble understanding him. Arthur was also yelling at him to mind his manners and to stop talking with his mouth full. I should record him one of these days so I can play it back to Al when Arthur isn’t around. Though that might just make him laugh. He doesn’t listen to Arthur anyway.

Love,
Matthew

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1/15/11

Dear mom,

Alfred keeps telling people I’m from “Canadia”. I don’t know whether to laugh or hit him. Not too hard! Just enough to make him stop. Ivan (my hockey buddy) was around the last time Al said it and he hasn’t stopped teasing me about it since. If he keeps it up, I might have to let it slip to Al that Ivan’s Russian.

Also, I found out we are getting new neighbours. The first of them arrived the other day. They moved in upstairs across from Roderich (the piano-playing Austrian). They’re a family of four - a grandfather and his three grandsons. From Italy, I think.

I’ve only heard a little about them from Kiku, who was chosen as the welcome wagon. I’m sure me and Al will have to greet the next set of newcomers. Al’s hoping for a group of girls. I’m hoping for someone who’s relatively sane. (Having another Canadian around would be great.)

Love,
Matthew

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1/17/11

Dear Gilbert,

Yes, I got the picture of you. You know there’s a bird on your head, right?

No, I will not help you get revenge on Alfred. I don’t care if he did lock you on my roof while you were in only your boxers. You should know better than to take part in stupid dares. I also will not take a picture of him in an awkward position/situation and give it to you, so stop asking. I know he can be annoying, but could you please try to get along with him for my sake?

Don’t annoy Ludwig too much. I won’t be there to rescue you if he sets Berlitz and Blackie on you again.

- Matthew

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1/23/11

Dear mom,

Classes have started back and I’ve met the rest of our new neighbours. I’ll start with the Italians upstairs.

The grandfather is an interesting guy. He obviously loves his grandsons very much. He wouldn’t stop rambling about how cute they are when I slipped past him and Francis (our landlord) in the hall.

The oldest of the grandsons is Lovino and he goes to college with me and Al and some of the others. He’s very… angry. His younger brother is Feliciano, who’s in his last year of high school. The youngest is either their half-brother or cousin and he’s getting ready to go into high school. His name is Markus.

On the floor with me and Al we have two new neighbours - a pair of siblings. One of them is actually Ivan, my hockey buddy. The other is his big sister Katyusha, who seems to be the complete opposite of her brother. She burst into tears when I gave her a plate of cookies. Ivan assured me that this is a normal reaction for her.
Though Al’s happy to see another girl in this place, he’s not very happy to have Ivan as a neighbour. I didn’t realize how much they don’t get along.

There’s no one new on the first floor. I think the landlord is saving a few rooms for some of his family. Or for when Arthur sets his kitchen on fire again. Though if that’s the case, then why is Arthur still sleeping on our couch?

That’s all I have to report. Classes are going well so far. I can’t wait to get through general courses.

Love,
Matthew

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1/24/11

Dear Gilbert,

I wasn’t calling you crazy! Where did you get that idea!? I’m sending the picture back so you can see for yourself that there really is a bird on your head. I know you. You probably sent me your only copy.

- Matthew

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2/1/11

Dear Gilbert,

You named it Gilbird? Why am I not surprised.

Yes, it’s very cute.

I’m sorry I’m missing your birthday this year. I promise I’ll send you a present, even if it means making Al pay for the window he broke by himself. (I got a new part time job for this semester)

This does not mean you can miss my birthday. You know I wish I could be there to smash your face into your cake like you did to me last year. Be glad I’m not there to get revenge.

- Matthew

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2/4/11

Dear mom,

Al broke a window kicking a football (“soccer ball” he says) around inside the other week, so I’m back to working part time so we can get it fixed.

Gilbert’s already bugging me about what I’m getting him for his birthday. I told him I already bought something even though I didn’t. I haven’t had time to go look around. I also have no idea where to start. Maybe I should ask Ludwig. He should have some idea of what Gilbert wants. And if I don’t like the idea, I can get something different.

Today Al dragged me to McDonalds for lunch. Kiku tagged along and the two spent the entire time discussing the difference between the American McDonalds and the Japanese McDonalds. I decided to stay quiet about the one back home with the maple leaf on the sign. It would just send Al into a rant.

Love,
Matthew

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2/5/11

Dear Ludwig,

Please don’t tell Gilbert, but I actually haven’t picked out his present yet. I was wondering if you have any ideas about what he might like.

Sincerely,
Matthew

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2/11/11

Dear mom,

Don’t worry, I figured out what to get Gilbert and sent it out earlier today. I also sent Ludwig a “thank you” note.

We got the apartment window fixed, but now Al’s talking about getting a pet. Ivan jokingly suggested Arthur, since he’s still living on our couch, but that only started up a fight between the three of them. I tried to stop them, but eventually gave up and went to make pancakes. (We’re starting to run low on maple syrup, by the way.)

Also, Lovino (the oldest of the Italian brothers) has started hiding out in our room when he’s annoyed with people. I’m just glad he has the decency to knock and wait for someone to open the door before he walks in. Apparently the Spanish guy from upstairs (whose name is Antonio, I finally learned) has taken a liking to him and keeps showing up with gifts of tomatoes. He says he can’t hide out in his own room because the rest of his family finds it “cute” and lets Antonio inside when he shows up. (Sounds like Nikolai, Isak, and Søren#, doesn’t it? Except Isak lets Søren in because he thinks it’s funny.)

Not much else is going on except the usual dread of Valentines Day. If Gilbert pulls another crazy stunt this year you’ll tell me, eh? right?

Love,
Matthew

P.S. Just you wait. The twenty-fourth is coming and this time my Maple Leafs are gonna kick the Canadiens’ butts!

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2/13/11

Dear Gilbert,

No, you can’t change your birthday just because it’s the date of Prussia’s official dissolution. I know it’s your favourite country.

Don’t you dare drive down here just so I can make you pancakes on your birthday! I mean it!

- Matthew

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2/21/11

Dear dad,

No thanks. The last time I watched American football with you and Al, you both made fun of me for asking questions about the game. And referring to hockey as “that Canadian shit”? Really? Was that necessary?

You and Al can watch all the American football you want, but leave me out of it.

Love,
Matthew

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2/21/11

Dear mom,

Al’s full name cannot seriously be “Alfred Freedom Jones”. That would be like my name being “Matthew Maple Williams” or something ridiculous like that! I just want to settle this once and for all. I know no one believes him (except for maybe Kiku, but he can be kind of gullible) but it’d be nice to be able to tell people what his middle name really is. I’d ask dad, but he’d probably play along with Al.

I hope Gilbert isn’t driving you too crazy. I’m sorry I’m not there to help with “Awesome Pancake Week”. I’m sure his requests are as outrageous as always.

Love,
Matthew

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2/24/11

Dear mom,

Ha! Take that! My Maple Leafs won! My team is awesome!

Love,
Matthew

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2/25/11

Dear Gilbert,

I know this won’t reach you on the right day (since I’m sending it on your birthday). I also know that if I don’t do it this way, you’d complain that I cheated or something.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GILBERT!

Now you can legally drink and won’t have to crash at my house to avoid a lecture from your dad and Ludwig.

- Matthew

P.S. I do not appreciate the huge bouquet of flowers you sent me on Valentines Day as a joke. Why do you do things like this? Al and Ivan (my hockey buddy) won’t stop teasing me about it.

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3/2/11

Dear mom,

Today, we went to the zoo.

By the way, if you ever hear Al say something along the lines of “I’ve got a great idea”, don’t agree to whatever he says. Even things that sound normal and fun and harmless turn into a complete disaster in the hands of Alfred F. Jones.

So, our trip to the zoo started at seven o’clock this morning. It was supposed to just be me, Al, Kiku, Arthur and Ivan, but somehow Yong Soo (our Korean neighbour) found out and decided to tag along. He dragged Leon with him. (Leon’s one of our Chinese neighbours, in case you‘ve forgotten. He’s Yao’s younger brother.) Then, when we were trying to find a second car to take, Lovino stormed by with Antonio following him. Antonio apparently found the trip to the zoo amazing and invited himself and Lovino along. I guess that turned out for the best, since he volunteered his car.

The ride there was chaos. I’m never getting in a car with Alfred behind the wheel again.

Arthur got to sit in the passenger’s seat. I got stuck between Yong Soo and Leon. I didn’t mind sitting next to Leon. He’s very quiet and respects people’s personal space. Yong Soo, on the other hand, doesn’t know the meaning of the word “no” and couldn’t decided which of us he’d rather annoy.

I switched with Kiku for the ride back. I’m still not sure whether Antonio’s driving was better or worse than Al’s, but at least I got to sit next to Ivan and talk about hockey and the Olympics and the amusing things that happened while we were at the zoo.

Speaking of which, here’s a brief summary of what happened while we were there:

First, Antonio latched himself to Lovino and dragged him off to look around. We didn’t see them again until lunch, when we met up to get pizza. The rest of us stayed together. Al and Arthur spent most of the time bickering while Kiku was stuck trying to get them to stop without picking a side. Yong Soo behaved, to my surprise. Leon was the same as always. Ivan goaded Arthur and Al, but I expected that.

Arthur got attacked by a bird of prey. I think it was an eagle. Al lost his cell phone to an alligator pit and then cracked a Steve Irwin joke. Yong Soo spent twenty minutes trying to teach a parrot to curse in Korean before he got caught by a zookeeper. At one point Leon stole Kiku’s camera and took nearly 100 pictures of the pandas. Ivan got something thrown at him by a monkey. As for me, I got stalked by a polar bear, which was slightly cool but weird at the same time.

On our way back, we stopped at McDonalds for dinner, courtesy of Al.

And that was our trip to the zoo.

Love,
Matthew

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3/14/11

Dear mom,

Things have been a little less crazy and a little more depressing around here lately. Kiku came down with a bad cold on the 11th, and on top of that he’s been worried about his mom, who’s still in Japan. He hasn’t heard from her since the earthquake.

Al and Arthur have been staying with him, making sure he’s eating right and taking medicine to get better. Everyone else is also helping. Yao and Francis are taking care of the cooking. They’ve been making so much food that they’re pretty much feeding the entire building.

Heracles (our Greek neighbour) brought down his army of cats and spent most of one morning chatting quietly with Kiku while the cats slept around them. Things were okay until Sadik (Heracles’ Turkish roommate) arrived to try his hand at distracting Kiku but only started arguing with Heracles. Yao kicked them and the cat army out.

I guess we’ve all been taking shifts to make sure he’s never alone for long. We give him space when he asks for it, of course. So far he’s only asked to be left alone twice, one time when it was Al’s turn and another when Yong Soo was there. (That’s understandable; those two can be overwhelming at times.) I’m getting ready to go over there. I was thinking about making pancakes for him, but then I thought it might be better if I ask him what he wants.

Time to go drag Al away from Kiku’s extensive video game system and remind him he has to go to work.

Love,
Matthew

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3/21/11

Dear mom,

Today I found out we have a backyard. Though it’s not so much a backyard as it is Antonio’s tomato garden and Francis’ rose patch. There’s also a billion little birds that flutter around and raise a ruckus when Al pitches a baseball through the plants on accident. At least it wasn’t a window this time.

Kiku got in touch with him mom a few days ago. He’s still got a cold, but it’s not as bad as before. At least he can get up and walk around now.

Arthur has finally moved back downstairs, so we have our couch back. It’s nice to wake up and not have to tiptoe around to avoid waking him up or worry about coming home to find him in the kitchen. I also don’t have to deal with him fussing with Al while I’m trying to do homework as often.

Things are finally calming down.

Love,
Matthew

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3/26/11

Dear mom,

Guess who showed up at the apartment today. I’ll give you a hint: he’s got white hair, red eyes, and constantly refers to himself as “awesome”.

Yeah, that’s right. Gilbert.

He shows up here, harasses Francis, mistakes Al for me (Ha! Finally!), becomes friends with Antonio, makes enemies of Roderich, and gets fed pasta by Feliciano all in an hour before he finally found my room. Then he shoves past me once I open the door, drops his bags on the floor, and demands pancakes. I was getting ready to make some anyway, so it wasn’t too big of a deal. Besides, that’s Gilbert’s standard greeting for me anyway.

What really bothers me is what he said next.

“Pack your bags, Birdie! You and me are going to New Prussia!”

Which leaves me to figure out who told him about New Prussia and why. It can’t have been his brother. Ludwig knows better than anyone the consequences of telling him about something like that.

I guess it doesn’t matter. It was only a matter of time before he found out.

I promised him we’d take a trip there this summer. I don’t have time to go running around Ontario right now. And really, neither does he. I get the feeling the only reason he’s here is because he did something dumb and is avoiding a lecture. I’ll call Ludwig in a bit and let him know Gilbert’s here.

Al just got home, so I’m going to go make sure him and Gilbert don’t kill each other.

Love,
Matthew

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3/31/11

Dear mom,

Gilbert finally left today. I’d rather not detail the craziness that went on while he was here. Let’s just say that he, Antonio, and Francis are a force to be reckoned with when they team up.

I’m just glad he came down here while I was on spring break. Really glad. It gave me the perfect excuse to avoid dad. He keeps making fun of me for watching hockey.

Love,
Matthew

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4/5/11

Gilbert,

You fucking hoser! You jinxed my team again! I ask you to do one thing! ONE THING! And you don’t! “Wear blue,” I said. But no. You didn’t!

Fuck you, Gilbert!

Fuck you and your dogs! And your brother! And… and… FUCK YOU!

Hoser.

- Matthew

P.S. Oh maple. This is why I don’t write letters during/after watching hockey. You are never ever reading this letter. I’m burning it. Seriously. Burning this. Right. Now.

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4/11/11

Dear Gilbert,

I am so, so, so sorry you got that last letter. I was going to burn it! Really! But then I just crumpled it up and threw it away instead! And then Al found it and sent it off and didn’t tell me until I got your reply letter!

I am so sorry, Gil! I really am!

Please burn it.

- Matthew

P.S. Apparently I really terrified Al this time. He avoided me for a whole two days. Makes sense, considering who my Maple Leafs were up against.

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4/18/11

Dear Gilbert,

Why?

Just… why?

I don’t even know what to do after reading your last letter. You can’t be serious. Please tell me you’re not serious.

I just…

Why?

- Matthew

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4/19/11

Dear mom,

Gilbert sent me a really weird letter the other day. I don’t know whether to take it seriously or not. He says next year he’s planning to attend college down here. As in, at the same college as me.

Oh, maple! I don’t think I could handle that! I mean, I know he’s my best friend and all and it’d be great to see him more, but I’m not sure how I feel about living in the same building as him. Especially with Al and Ivan and Francis and Antonio also in the building. That sounds disastrous.

Okay. I can deal with this.

Please send more maple syrup. I’m down to my last bottle.

Love,
Matthew

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4/22/11

Dear Gilbert,

I’m so sad to hear you were just joking.

No. Not really. Please stay in Canada. Trust me, you’re better off staying away from America. Next year can’t be over fast enough for me. I will happily live in Canada for the rest of my life.

- Matthew

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4/25/11

Dear mom,

Just a few weeks left. I’ve already agreed to spend two weeks here with dad and Al before I return home. Al’s decided to stay here for a while longer and join us towards the end of June. He promised to be there at least a week before our birthday, but knowing Al he’ll either arrive June 30th or several weeks before.

I was looking forward to him meeting Aussie, Wy, and Kiwi for the first time, but then I realized they’re from dad’s side of the family so they’ve already met. Maybe I’ll get an interesting show from Isak and Nikolai when they meet. Though it may just be Søren’s reaction to him that will be fun.

Wish me luck dealing with dad and Al for two weeks?

Love,
Matthew

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4/30/11

Dear mom,

Final exams are coming up. Once again, Al is procrastinating while everyone else is trying to study. Well, everyone except Ivan, who seems to be just as bad.
Oh yeah, Al witnessed my “hockey fan mode” a while back. He avoided me for a whole two days.

Am I really that scary? He didn’t react this badly when we played a one-on-one match.

Love,
Matthew

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5/6/11

Dear mom,

Today Al got attacked by “kitler” when he got back from his exam. The cat’s okay, but Al got a few good scratches. Right now he’s sulking because Kiku refused to help bandage him up and is instead hanging out with our Greek neighbour. Al tried to make me do it, but then changed his mind when I got out the bottle of rubbing alcohol.

On the bright side, he doesn’t want a pet cat anymore.

Exams are over now. On Monday, Al and I are driving down to stay with dad for two weeks. Then I get to drive back by myself. I was thinking about staying in the apartment for a few days before I go home. It’d be nice to spend time with Ivan without Al around to pick a fight with him.

I’ll let you know when I’m coming home.

Love,
Matthew

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5/24/11

Dear mom,

Okay, I’ll admit it. I had fun with dad and Al. I was expecting to be picked on every day because of my “Canadian-ness” but they only made a few jokes. And Al didn’t pick every activity for us this time!

We went on a fishing and camping trip one weekend. Al got smacked in the face by a fish and nearly lost his glasses. Dad jumped in the river with his sunglasses on his head and it got swept away by the current. A bear also walked through our camp. We saw it when we were coming back from our hike. Don’t worry, we’d stayed back a safe distance and waited until we were sure it was gone.

We went to an amusement park too! Al dragged me to a haunted house and got so scared that he cut off the circulation in my arm. Then he ran out of the building screaming. I don’t understand why he keeps doing that to himself. He does the same thing when he makes me watch horror movies with him. Some of them aren’t even scary! And he’s terrified of Casper the friendly ghost! We watched it once and he spent the night buried in blankets on the couch with the overhead light on and a flashlight in his hand.

We did a bunch of other stuff too. Movies, bowling, mini golf, grocery shopping… You’d be amazed at how quickly a trip to the grocery store can turn into a crazy adventure. We must have lost dad five times in one hour because he kept getting distracted and wandered off.

But now I’m going to take a few days to relax.

Tomorrow I’m going to a park with Ivan and Katyusha. Katyusha wants to have a picnic and neither of us can say no when she asks for something. I also get to meet their younger sister for the first time. I haven’t heard much about her, so I don’t know what to expect.

Yong Soo and Leon want to have a movie night soon, so I guess that’s what I’ll be doing the day after tomorrow. And since Francis has been asking to spend time with me for so long, I figured I might as well give in just this once. Besides, Arthur, Yao, and Ivan are going with us. I feel safer that way.

So it looks like I’ll be coming home next Monday.

Love,
Matthew

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5/24/11

Dear Gilbert,

I’ll be home on the 30th. I promise. Then we’ll have a whole month to plan our trip to New Prussia.

- Matthew

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6/1/11

Dear Alfred,

Don’t forget you promised to at least be up here by the 25th of this month! This is the first time we get to celebrate our birthday together, so don’t be late! Mom says you can invite a few friends. I’m inviting Ivan and Katyusha. Gilbert too, of course. (Though he’s practically family, so he doesn’t count.)

- Matthew

P.S. “A few friends” does not mean the entire apartment building. It means less than five. (Please don’t invite Francis. I’d rather he not find out where my home is.)

Chapter Text

Diary of the Awesome Me
Part 1

12/28/10

Dear Diary,

Well, Mattie got me this for Christmas saying something about me needing something to vent to. (Whatever that means.)

My name’s Gilbert Beilschmidt and no, it’s not fucking girly for a man to have a diary. It’s very manly! Mattie has one too!

Fuck. Mattie’s probably not the best example. He kind of looks like a girl sometimes. Acts like one too.

Okay, so I introduced myself. Now what?

I’ve got a little brother named Ludwig who isn’t nearly as awesome as I am. He’s taller than me and super serious. (I call him ‘West’, since he was born in western Germany and I was born in eastern Germany - Berlin, to be exact.) The only time I see him smile is when he’s out taking care of the dogs. We’ve got three of ‘em. Blackie, a German shepherd; Aster, a golden retriever; and Berlitz, a Doberman.

Our old man’s always busy nowadays but that’s okay. He was around a lot when we were kids. He taught us all sorts of awesome stuff! And he’s the reason I met Birdie.

Mattie’s real name is Matthew Williams. (Though I call him ‘Mattie’ and sometimes ‘Birdie’.) He’s a total Canadian. Kind of a pushover, unless it’s hockey season. He’s fucking scary when he watches hockey. Even the awesome me isn’t immune to his rage. We’ve lived next door to him and his mom since we moved from Germany. (Birdie’s a total momma’s boy. Won’t say or do anything she might disapprove of. But he’s not as bad as he used to be. My awesomeness has rubbed off on him over the years!)

He’s probably my best friend. He puts up with my shit and makes the most awesome pancakes in the world, though he swears Mutti makes better ones. (Heh, known him for so long I call his mom “Mutti”. Mein gott, she might as well be.) He pretends to be annoyed when I sneak into his room and rearrange his furniture, but I know he secretly likes it because it means he hasn’t been forgotten. Like I could ever forget him! Birdie is almost as awesome as I am. He also helped me get out of trouble when we were in school. Sometimes. Not all the time. He said something about me needing to bail myself out of trouble once or twice, but even then he gave me advice so really he was still helping me. He bailed me out of jail once too. Birdie thinks it’s because I got caught sneaking into a bar when I’m underage, but what really happened is that I beat the hell out of this guy for talking shit about Mattie. (I hope Mattie never finds out about that.)

So yeah. That’s about it.

Oh wait! Okay, so Mattie has this twin brother (that he only recently found out about after his high school graduation) who thinks he’s awesome but he’s really not. His name’s Alfred and he’s American. And that’s all I want to say about him.

~The Awesome Me

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12/31/10

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome!

Well, Mattie was too, but not as much as I was! We kicked Al and West’s asses at a snowball fight! It was great! Now we’re going to light up the fireplace and roast marshmallows and hot dogs and shit. It’ll be awesome.

I make the best s’mores.

Gotta go! I wanna spend the rest of the last day of the year with Birdie!

~The Awesome Me

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1/3/11

Dear Diary,

Today I was once again awesome. I challenged Mattie’s lame-ass brother to a game of Truth or Dare and totally got him back for calling me a creeper. But then he dared me to crawl out onto Mattie’s roof and locked me out there. I was out in the cold and getting snowed on for a whole ten minutes! In only my boxers! I could’ve totally gotten down if I wanted to. I didn’t need to. Mattie was around and he opened the window for me.

That means Mattie gets bumped up two points on my Awesome-meter! I’m at the top, of course. Birdie’s pretty high up. Just under me.

Alfred and West are at 0. Though West did stop Blackie from knocking me over the other morning, so I guess he’s up to 1 now.

~The Awesome Me

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1/5/11

Dear Diary,

Okay, so today was less-than-awesome. Mattie just now told me that him and Alfred are going back to America on the 7th! That’s in 2 days! This really sucks! I didn’t get to do all of the awesome stuff I wanted to do with Birdie. Not to mention I never did get my revenge on Alfred for locking me out on the roof.

West says I should just get over it and concentrate on getting ready for my new classes. So I told him to go get fucked, ‘cuz maybe that will dislodge the giant stick in his ass.

What am I going to do? I thought Birdie would at least stay another week. What’s so interesting about America anyway? Nothing, that’s what. I guess this means I’m going to have to pay a visit to Mattie on spring break to check on him. I’m just that awesome of a friend.

~The Awesome Me

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1/7/11

Dear Diary,

Birdie just left.

Today is already not awesome.

~Gilbert

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1/9/11

Dear Diary,

West made me get off the couch and walk the dogs today. While I was chasing down Aster (who somehow slipped off her collar again. That damn dog is smarter than she acts sometimes) I got the most genius idea! Since I can’t be down in America with Mattie, I’ll send him pictures of me! It’ll be awesome! Even better than that time I did a blog!

Hmm… I wonder what happened to that thing. Maybe it’s still there.

Note to self: look for old blog.

Anyway, I’m gonna go hunt down the Old Man’s digital camera and take a ton of pictures of me so I can send a bunch down to Mattie!

~The Awesome Me

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1/10/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome. (Like always)

It turns out my old blog is still there. I don’t know why I ever stopped writing it. But if I ever start it up again, I think I’ll do a whole new one. I read some of the posts and they were less than awesome. In fact, I think I’ll find a way to delete the whole thing and start fresh. Why allow such a blemish on my awesomeness?

I took a ton of pictures yesterday! I made West go get them printed this morning, so he’ll be bringing those back after work and then I can send them off to Birdie.

~The Awesome Me

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1/13/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was once again awesome! But then, when am I not?

So the pictures of me are on their way down to Mattie right now. I hope he gets them soon.

Since there’s another huge ass snowstorm coming in, I spent the day helping West and the neighbours prepare for it. Okay, so I didn’t help the neighbours so much as I helped the old lady who lives across the street from us. Her son moved away last summer, so it’s just her and her cats alone in the house. I think she gets lonely. So being the awesome person I am, I go over and keep her company. She makes me cookies and muffins and tells crazy stories, so she’s on my awesome meter right under Birdie.

Classes start back soon. Maybe that will distract me from Birdie being gone.

~The Awesome Me

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1/19/11

Dear Diary,

So I got snowed in at the old lady’s house, then got called into work and had to walk there because West got snowed in where he works, then it snowed some more so I slept there until I could get a hold of West. I got back yesterday and went to visit the old lady before I came home and slept.

Birdie should’ve gotten my letter by now, which means I’ll be getting a letter back from him soon.

The dogs are enjoying the snow. Aster jumped into a snowdrift earlier and disappeared completely. Blackie dug her out. Berlitz chased after birds, so I brought them all back inside.

Birds are awesome and shouldn’t be chased.

~The Awesome Me

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1/20/11

Dear Diary,

I got a letter from Matthew today. He called me crazy! Really! So I sent him back an angry letter telling him just how I feel about that.

This means his awesome points go down by five. He’s now tied with the old lady across the street, whose awesome points went up by ten when she started talking about Prussia. (Which, by the way, is the most awesome country in the world. Or it was. No, you know what, it will always be the most awesome country in the world.)

So, yeah. I’m mad at Birdie.

And classes suck. I have to get up early every Monday.

~The Awesome Me

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1/24/11

Dear Diary,

I’m still mad at Mattie. I don’t like being mad at him, but I am. West says I should stop complaining and wait before I get a letter back from Birdie rather than keep ignoring him. This whole “only talk via written letter” thing is starting to get annoying. Really annoying.

I would text him or send him a message via facebook, but that would be talking to him and I’m not talking to him right now.

One of the houses down the road went up for sale. It won’t sell until winter’s over. No one wants to travel out here with the threat of snowstorms. Yeah, that’s right. We’re getting another one. But that’s completely normal. Everyone’s ready for it, like always. Me and West went out and gathered firewood the other day, just in case things get icy. They probably won’t. Not yet. Not until the weather starts warming up and then freezing back overnight. That’s when things get really shitty.

So yeah. Things are dull. Really dull. I’m not gonna write again until something interesting happens.

~The Awesome Me

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1/28/11

Dear Diary,

I got a new letter from Mattie today. So, it turns out he wasn’t calling me crazy when he said there’s a bird on my head. Actually, it’s a really cute little bird. It’s yellow and round and fluffy and adorable. I think I’m going to name it “Gilbird“.

I guess this means I owe Mattie an apology.

I’ll send him a nicer letter. Tell him about Gilbird. Bump him back up five points on my Awesome-meter. Maybe seven, since he pointed out Gilbird. And this also means my spring break trip to America is back on! I’ve got some stuff to plan, an American to plot against, and an awesome little bird to take care of.

Which reminds me, I need to tell West to bring home some bird food.

I should also go talk to Mutti. I, um, may have said a few dumb things after I got that first letter from Birdie.

~The Awesome Me

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1/29/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome!

Things are cool with me and Mutti. She laughed and patted me on the head and fed me pancakes. Then she gave Gilbird some pancakes. After that I went to visit the old lady across the street so she could also bask in the awesomeness of me and Gilbird. She gave us freshly baked cookies. They were delicious.

Vater’s coming home in two weeks to check in on me and West. I guess he just wants to make sure the house is still standing and that I’m taking care of Luddy. Hey, this means I’ll get to introduce him to Gilbird! Well, and prove that I can be a responsible adult and blah blah blah blah, whatever the fuck else he said before he left in October.

So after visiting the old lady, I had to take the dogs for a walk. For once, Aster behaved and didn’t slip out of her collar. However, Blackie did and took off running down the road after a squirrel. Yeah.

Damn dogs.

But I can’t help but love ‘em, especially since they make Luddy happy.

~The Awesome Me

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2/2/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was even more awesome than usual.

West slipped on the front porch and fell into a snowdrift. Thankfully I was there to pull him out and drive him to the hospital, even though he protested and said he was fine. Turns out he sprained his ankle pretty good, so ha I was right about him being hurt and he was wrong!

Damn. This means I have to walk the dogs everyday. No way is West taking those nuts out on the leashes. I know he’ll try, so I’ll have to watch him every second of every day. I think I’ll attach bells to him or something. Or find a way to rig up an alarm clock. Those things are fucking annoying.

Well, I’m off to stop West from cleaning up anything. He wasn’t too pleased about me leaving the dogs alone in the house. Aster chewed a corner of one of the pillows again and then Berlitz and Black fought over the cottony fluff inside of it and it got all over the house.

~The Awesome Me

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2/5/11

Dear Diary,

Vater will be home in one week. I’m lucky West’s ankle should be mostly healed by then, so he can get the house cleaned. Vater hates coming home to a messy house. Good thing mein Bruder is such a neat freak! There’s no way I’m cleaning the house. Besides, Vater and West would just complain if I did. Apparently I never put things back the way they’re supposed to go. Funny, Birdie complains about the exact same thing.

It will soon be the birthday of the awesome me! This will be the first year since we moved here that Mattie’s not around to celebrate it with me. That’s not awesome.

I’m teaching Gilbird to deliver letters to my friends! He is one awesome yellow bird. He’s working his way up my Awesome-meter and proving himself worthy of my name.

~The Awesome Me

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2/7/11

Dear Diary,

Vater will be home in exactly 5 days, 7 hours, and 43 minutes.

Luddy’s brace comes off in exactly 4 days, 3 hours, 28 minutes, and 23 seconds. Now it’s 20.

Also, getting up early sucks. I hate Mondays.

~The Awesome Me

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2/8/11

Dear Diary,

I got chased around today by a crazy Hungarian girl wielding a frying pan.

….

Okay, so she’s actually my other best friend. (Hey, I’m awesome enough to have more than one. Mattie’s my BFFF though.) Her name’s Elizaveta Héderváry. Long story short, we met in high school, I decided she was way more awesome than every other girl, we dated for a month, fought, broke up, got back together for two weeks, fought again, and then broke up for good, but we’re still friends. She’s about 7.5 points lower than Birdie on my Awesome-meter. Though if she’d give in and kiss that hot Belgian chick in our class she’s probably shoot up about ten points. That’ll never happen though.

~The Awesome Me

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2/9/11

Dear Diary,
You know what’s not fair? My birthday being February 25. Know why it sucks? Because it’s the date of the dissolution of the most awesome country ever!
I need to rant to Mattie about this. I think I’ll write him a letter.
Also, I’m planning on sending him flowers for the dreaded Valentines Day. It’ll be an awesomely amusing joke.

~The Awesome Me

 

2/11/11

Dear Diary,

Today I was awesome!

West got his cast off today. I’m currently sitting on the couch watching him run around and clean. Kesesesese! (That’s my awesome laugh, by the way.) It’s always funny to watch him panic! Just wait until he finds out what I left in the bathroom!

~ The Awesome Me

-

Dear Diary,

Damn. West threatened to call Vater if I didn’t clean up the food I left in the bathroom for him to clean up.

Cleaning isn’t awesome.

~The Awesome Me

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2/12/11

Dear Diary,

Me and West just got back from picking up Vater at the airport. I’ve got time for a quick entry before dinner.

I’m sitting across from him right now. Vater, not West. West is fixing us food. Wurst, I think. Vater’s making fun of me for writing in a diary. I think he’s just jealous because he doesn’t have one.

~The Awesome Me

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2/14/11

Dear Diary,

So, by my prediction, Birdie should have gotten my letter about my birthday by now and is writing a reply. I’m gonna predict what he’ll say.

Ahem. “Oh, Gilbert, you’re right! Someone as awesome as you shouldn’t have to deal with this injustice! I’m sure you can change your birthday to an ever more awesome day--like January 18, the day Prussia changed from a duchy to a Kingdom!”

Yup. That’s exactly what he’ll say. Not like that damn frying pan wielding Hungarian. I’m not talking to her until she apologizes.

Oh yeah, today is a sucky day. My only consolation is that I can still tease Mattie, even from miles and miles and miles away.

~The Awesome Me

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2/17/11

Dear Diary,

Birdie unawesomely declared that I’m not allowed to change my birthday. So now I’m going to ignore him for a bit and not tell him that I’m visiting him over spring break. I can’t wait to see the look of surprise on his face when I show up~!

His present showed up today, but West hid it before I could get to it. I don’t wanna wait for my birthday! It’s a whole week away! It’s my present. I think I should be able to decide for myself when I can open it.

I’m going to go find out where West hid it.

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/18/11

Dear Diary,

Day two of my hunt. Still haven’t found the present. But I’m not giving up! I’ve enlisted Elizaveta and Gilbird’s help! Though Veta says she can’t help me until tomorrow. Damn.

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/19/11

Dear Diary,

Where the hell did he hide it?!

~The Awesome Me

-

Dear Diary,

Today has been a weird day… So, I woke up thinking about the present from Birdie and me and Gilbird went on another search for it while West was out walking the dogs and Vater was next door talking to Mutti. Still couldn’t find it. So I called Veta and she came over and we put together a plan that involved her flirting with Ludwig and using her feminine charms to get him to tell her. It would’ve worked if I had known one thing about my baby brother.

He’s gay.

Yeah, that’s right.

My little brother, Ludwig Beilschmidt, resident clean freak (who has a collection of porn beneath his bed. Pffft, you’d think he’d find a better place to hide it.) is gay.

Homosexual.

He likes guys.

How the hell did I miss this?

No, scratch that. How did Veta miss this? She’s like the Queen of all things gay! (Or “yaoi” as she calls it. Whatever the fuck that means.)

This of course means that the plan failed. Though seeing Luddy turn bright red when he outed himself was totally worth it. Hell, I’m thinking that’s worth a couple years of birthday presents. Especially since Veta somehow managed to get a picture.

I can’t wait to tell Birdie about this! I’ll wait until he comes home though. Don’t wanna send any of these pictures through the mail. Like hell I’m letting my little brother’s adorable blushing face get lost in the mail and fall into the hands of some pervert!

See, I can be a good older brother sometimes.

~The Awesome Me

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2/22/11

Dear Diary,

AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK HAS ARRIVED!

What is AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK, you ask? Well, AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK is where Birdie’s Mutti makes me pancakes whenever I want them and however I want them. (Though she did have to establish hours this year, since Birdie isn’t around to help make them… No midnight-3 am pancakes this year. Actually, Mutti said to not wake her up before 7.) And yes, the capital letters are necessary. Because AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK is awesome and deserves all caps.

Well, my clock just turned to 7 am, so I’m off to get some awesome pancakes.

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/24/11

Dear Diary,

TOMORROW’S THE BIRTHDAY OF THE AWESOME ME!

That is all.

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/25/11

Dear Diary,

Happy birthday to me~!

West isn’t allowed to hide my presents anymore, so I finally get to open them! I never did find out where he hid them… Maybe I should get him drunk so he’ll tell me? That sounds like an awesome plan. Or it would if West wasn’t so…so… him. He yells at me for drinking, there’s no way I’ll get him to have even a sip. Vater though… he may know where West’s hiding place is. It’s perfectly legal for me to get him drunk.

Kesesesese! Now I have an awesome plan for my awesome birthday! Time to go open my awesome presents and go get awesome pancakes from Mutti!

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/26/11

Dear Diary,

Damn, was yesterday a great day or what? It’s now 2 in the afternoon and I’ve just gotten up. Got a hangover too. Maybe challenging the Old Man to a drinking contest wasn’t such a good idea. I’m pretty sure he got more information out of me than I did out of him. And even if he did tell me where my presents were hidden, I sure as hell don’t remember.

So now I’m going to fix my hangover with the best remedy ever. It’s still AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK, so I’m gonna go drown myself in delicious pancakes smothered in maple syrup. And maybe one of Mutti’s tonics. (I decided long ago that I don’t want to know what she puts into that smoothie. It tastes damn good and I don’t want that ruined by knowing what weird things are in it.)

~The Awesome Me

-----

2/27/11

Dear Diary,

I never did tell you what I got for my birthday.

Vater got me a kick-ass new sword. He made me swear to just use it for decoration, but like hell I’m gonna listen to that. It will still go on my wall. Right where everyone can see it. But I’ll be able to get it down whenever I want.

West got me a bunch of shirts with the word “awesome” on it. I don’t think I’m going to wear the one with the rainbow of “awesome‘s” written all over it. But then, why not? It could be my “I support my gay brother because I’m AWESOME” shirt. What do you think?

Never mind, I’ll ask Birdie and Veta. At least they can answer back.

He also bought me a pack of underwear.

It’s not my fault the dogs keep ripping mine apart!

Anyway, Veta got me a scrapbook she probably got Mutti’s help putting together. It’s got all sorts of pictures of me and Birdie and West. Her too, in the ones from high school. She even included the one of Luddy turning bright red after he outed himself!

And Birdie’s package had all sorts of candies and random knickknacks that are way fun to play with and annoy West with. Some of them make noise! He also sent me a tiny panda keychain. I think I’ll go put it in his room right before he comes home. In the meantime, it’s going on my keys, right where it belongs!

Mutti got me some awesome movies and extended AWESOME PANCAKE WEEK by 3 whole days! That means I get pancakes anytime I want until March! Speaking of pancakes…

~The Awesome Me

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2/29/11

Dear Diary,

I was flipping through the scrapbook Veta put together for me and realized something.

I miss Birdie.

A lot.

I don’t know why it just hit me.

Maybe it was the birthday card I got from him yesterday?

~The Awesome Me

Chapter Text

Diary of the Awesome Me
Part 2

 

3/4/11

Dear Diary,

Vater’s leaving on business in a week. I think he’s going to Japan. I asked him to bring me back an awesome samurai sword, but he probably won’t.

I’d like to travel the world one day. See all sorts of cities and history and shit. Visit places that used to be part of Prussia. Spend some time in Germany--especially Berlin. It might be kind of lonely, but that’s why I have Gilbird! Besides, I like being alone. I have more fun that way.

~The Awesome Me

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3/6/11

Dear Diary,

Today I was awesome!

Me and Veta terrorized a group of bully’s picking on this adorable little Swiss girl. But then her older brother showed up… Things didn’t go so well after that. Then again, I was shouting some inappropriate things at those damn kids as they ran away. Veta thought it was funny.

After that we went to see an awesome movie and threw popcorn at the couple a few rows in front of us. We got kicked out. So we went back to my house and bugged West for a bit before Veta had to leave. Vater seemed kind of amused by it all. He sat on the couch and pretended to read the newspaper, but I could tell he wanted to laugh.

So now I’m sitting in my room, watching Gilbird fly around with a piece of paper tied to his leg. I think he’s almost ready to start delivering messages. I’m going to test it out with West. Send him a note to bring me a beer or something.

~The Awesome Me

-----

3/7/11

Dear Diary,

Gilbird is officially ready to deliver letters! I just sent him on a mission to take a post-it note to Veta.

~The Awesome Me

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3/9/11

Dear Diary,

Classes still suck.

The only upside is that me and Veta can send letters to each other using Gilbird while we’re in class. The teachers don’t know what to think of a little yellow bird flying around.

I saw the adorable Swiss girl again today. She was in the supermarket buying food. Her and West started talking about food and stuff. I watched them from behind a shelf for a few minutes and then walked over to join them. It was only then that her brother appeared out of nowhere and dragged her away from us. I wonder what he has against me.

I’ll ask Veta. Maybe she’ll know.

~The Awesome Me

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3/11/11

Dear Diary,

Vater didn’t leave today.

Japan got hit by a massive earthquake and then a tsunami and things are all crazy there, so he’s staying home. I think he’s been sent to Spain instead, but he won’t leave for another few days.

~The Awesome Me

-----

3/12/11

Dear Diary,

Me, West, Veta, and a couple others are working together to gather supplies to send to Japan, so I’ll be busy for a few days and won’t have time to write.

~The Awesome Me

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3/21/11

Dear Diary,

Okay so I got a little caught up in what’s been going on around here and forgot to write for a week. On top of volunteer work, my boss decided I need to work extra hours at work. Then my teachers decided we don’t have enough homework and now I have two major projects to do, an essay to write, and 3 pages of math homework to complete.

Of course, I have all of spring break to complete it. So I think I’ll try and finish most of it this week and then take a nice long break. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to finish all of it.

I probably won’t write any entries until I finish all of it.

~The Awesome Me

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3/25/11

Dear Diary,

I AM VICTORIOUS!

Veta came over today and read over my essay to check for mistakes while I finished my second final project. (While I was working on it I found out something really interesting, but you’ll find out about that later.) So now I can happily announce something.

I’M LEAVING FOR AMERICA TO VISIT BIRDIE TOMORROW! And Birdie knows nothing about it. Kesesesesese! I can’t wait to see the look on his face when I show up there! He’ll be so awesomely surprised to see me!

I’m leaving way super early so I can spend all day with him tomorrow. So I’m going to sleep. That way I can get up at 4 in the morning and wake up West so he can make me food.

~The Awesome Me

-----

3/26/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome!

Birdie’s writing a letter to Mutti right now, so I’m going to write as well!

I made it to America. I guess that’s obvious. Birdie has weird neighbours. And the landlord seems like a big pervert. I think we could be good friends.

I thought I saw Birdie at one point but it was just Alfred. He seemed kind of annoyed that I mistook him for Birdie. I was too. Maybe I was just too hopeful that it was Birdie that I thought it was him I was seeing.

Anyway, after that I went up one floor too many and met this cool Spanish guy. He invited me out to go drinking with him and Francis (I think that’s the landlord) and I promised to think about it. I want to spend time with Birdie, so I probably won’t go. Then there was this crabby, stuck-up Austrian who I decided to bother just because he seemed like the type of person I hate. It was kind of fun. After that I got ambushed by this Italian kid who made me eat some pasta he made. (It was the best pasta I have ever eaten.) His name is Feliciano. He’s got an older brother who told me that I was on the wrong floor and that Mattie lives on the floor below them.

After that I finally found the right room and barged inside and asked for awesome pancakes. Mattie made them for me, of course. So we had an awesome breakfast of awesome pancakes and lots and lots of maple syrup and talked and laughed about stuff. And then I mentioned the awesome thing I found out while working on one of my final projects.

New Prussia. Apparently it’s a little community or town or something in Ontario. It has to do with Prussia, so I want to go see it. (There’s also “King of Prussia” here in America, somewhere in Pennsylvania, which I kind of also want to go see…)

After that we just chilled for the rest of the day. The grumpier, older Italian came down and spent a few hours with us, grumbling something in what I’m assuming was Italian. Apparently Antonio (the Spanish guy I met) won’t leave him alone. Then Alfred came in with his English “gentleman” and Japanese friends and was loud and obnoxious, so we left. I don’t remember where we went after that. First we snuck out of the building and then we had to run down the street because Lovino (that’s the Italian) got spotted by Antonio. We ended up… somewhere. But that was cool. We had fun. It was the most excitement I’ve had since winter break.

Well, Mattie’s done writing now, so I’m gonna go bug him.

~The Awesome Me

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3/31/11

Dear Diary,

I just got back home after an awesome 6 days with Mattie! Though one of those days wasn’t so awesome, since Birdie had hockey practice and left me alone. So I
unpacked some of the panda stuff I snuck away into my bags and put them all over his room as a surprise. Then I went upstairs to see if Antonio was in (and he was) and we talked for a bit before I got tired of hearing stuff about Lovino. I mentioned the bar and the next thing I know I’m sitting at a bar with a good mug of beer, chatting with the cute barmaid and watching Francis flirt with everyone who walks by.

The rest of the time it was just me and Mattie and sometimes Alfred or one of Birdie’s new friends. We did all sorts of crazy things. We accidentally locked ourselves on the roof one night, but that was kind of fun. Cold, but fun.

But now I’m back home, so I think I’ll catch up on sleep and give Veta a call tomorrow.

~The Awesome Me

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4/3/11

Dear Diary,

Veta said something about me not being my normal awesome self since I got back from visiting Birdie, so she set me up on a date with one of the girls in our class. Actually, it was that hot Belgian girl I keep trying to convince Veta to kiss.

Her name’s Laura. She’s nice, polite, makes good chocolate and works at her older brother’s bar. She’s kind of pushy and gets along with everyone. I had fun on our date, but… I dunno. It was kind of like hanging out with Veta.

We’ve got another date on Wednesday.

~The Awesome Me

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4/5/11

Dear Diary,

Cancelled my date with Laura.

~The Awesome Me

-----

4/6/11

Dear Diary,

Avoiding Veta now. She wants to know why I cancelled my date. I don’t know what to tell her, so I’m avoiding her.

~The Awesome Me

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4/8/11

Dear Diary,

I got a letter from Birdie today! If I didn’t know him as well as I do, I would’ve thought he was drunk when he wrote it. But since I know my Birdie, I know he was watching hockey (or had just finished watching hockey) when he wrote it. I think I’m going to put it in my box of “awesome stuff Mattie has said to me”, just because he yelled at me via letter. Birdie never yells at me. Well, rarely. And it was only once that he yelled at me and hadn’t been watching hockey at the time. I don’t remember what it was about, but the fact is that Mattie stood up for himself!

I would show the letter to West, but I don’t think he’d appreciate the comment about the dogs.

~The Awesome Me

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4/9/11

Dear Diary,

Veta cornered me today. I still couldn’t explain to her why I broke off my date with Laura. And then we argued a bit and she stomped off, vowing to find out the real reason.

Now who am I supposed to talk to? Not West. No thanks. Actually, I think Veta set him up on a date with some guy she works with, so he’ll be out tonight.
That’s really weird to think about.

My younger brother out on a date on a Saturday night while I’m sitting at home. Something isn’t right about this.

I wish Birdie was here. Then he could go with me and stalk West. Instead I’m sitting at home with a bottle of beer, eating chips with Gilbird.

~The Awesome Me

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4/10/11

Dear Diary,

West had a sucky date, so I’m going to attempt to make him pancakes. They always cheer me up, so maybe they’ll work on West too. I would ask Mutti, but she’s working. Hey, I’ve watched Birdie make them so many times that I’m sure I’ll have no problem!

~The Awesome Me

-

Dear Diary,

Burnt the first 5 pancakes, but I finally made a couple that didn’t resemble charcoal. I also cooked up some sausage and smothered it in maple syrup too. I think that cheered West up more than the pancakes.

~The Awesome Me

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4/12/11

Dear Diary,

I thought of an awesome prank to pull on Mattie! I’m gonna tell him that I’m going to attend school in America for my last two years of college. At the same college as him, to be precise. It’ll be awesome. Birdie will be all freaking out about it. It won’t be that he doesn’t want me there with him. I know Birdie well enough to know that much. But we do get into some trouble when we’re together. I bring out that awesome side of Birdie.

In high school me and Mattie started falling behind in some of our classes because we spent so much time goofing off, so we had to set aside days when we’d stay at home and not talk to each other at all. That’d be a bit harder if we lived in the same apartment, which is another thing I’m including in my awesome prank letter.

Now I just need to wait for his next letter. I’m sure it’ll mostly be an apology. But that’s what makes this prank even better. He won’t yell at me if he thinks this is my way of getting revenge.

~The Awesome Me

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4/13/11

Dear Diary,

Sent my prank letter today. I can’t wait to see what Birdie writes back!

~The Awesome Me

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4/16/11

Dear Diary,

Veta’s finally talking to me again! The strange thing is, she didn’t mention anything about my date with Laura. She never gives up this easily. She’s up to something and I’m going to find out what.

Maybe Gilbird will help me.

~The Awesome Me

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4/17/11

Dear Diary,

First Veta acts all weird and doesn’t mention anything about Laura or any other girl she thinks I’d like and then West tries to talk to me. What the hell is going on? West never talks to me! Not unless I’ve done something wrong or he’s passing on a message from Vater or he’s asking me to clean something. Okay, so we talk about other things but usually I’m the one who starts the conversation. So for him to sit down next to me and start talking to me, I know something’s wrong.

I bet Veta’s behind this.

~The Awesome Me

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4/19/11

Dear Diary,

Today I was awesome!

Even though I haven’t found out what Veta’s planning, I am still awesome. Know why? Because instead of setting out intending to get information from Veta (which never works the way I want it to so I don’t know why I tried in the first place), I’m going to sit back and wait for her to slip up. As for West, I have an awesome plan to find out what type of guy he likes. It’ll be weird, but I feel it’s my duty as an older brother to help him find someone who isn’t one of Veta’s lame-ass co-workers.

So that’s what I’m doing this week. The awesome me is going to play matchmaker!

~The Awesome Me

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4/20/11

Dear Diary,

I got Mattie’s letter today. Kesesesese! I think I’ll let him worry for a while.

Nah, I can’t do that to him. After all, he didn’t mean to send me that letter. I’ll go ahead and end his suffering and tell him there’s no way I’m moving to America.

~The Awesome Me

-----

4/22/11

Dear Diary,

Veta’s been asking me a lot about Birdie lately. She better not be trying to set him up with some girl! I want Birdie all to myself this summer to make up for him being away!

~The Awesome Me

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4/23/11

Dear Diary,

I haven’t made any progress with West. Actually, things are really awkward between us lately. So I think I’ll lay off for a bit and then try again.

Just one more week of classes and then another week for final exams and I will be on summer break! That means Birdie comes home in two weeks! Then I won’t have to worry about whatever Veta is up to and can instead hang out with Mattie and have fun! And I can start planning our trip to New Prussia! That’ll be great. Just me and Mattie on a road trip. What could be better?

~The Awesome Me

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4/26/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome!

I figured out what I’m going to do for Birdie’s birthday. Since I smashed a piece of cake into his face last year, this year I’m going to trip Alfred into the cake (since Mutti mentioned he’s coming up here for their birthday) and I think I’ll drag Mattie off to have fun in the middle of the party. He’ll be expecting me to do something to him, which means he won’t be expecting me to do nothing. It’s a genius plan.

~The Awesome Me

-----

4/26/11

Dear Diary,

Mutti just told me Birdie’s not coming home after his exams. Instead, he’s staying in America for an extra two weeks. Two weeks. This sucks.

~The Awesome Me

 

5/1/11

Dear Diary,

Been busy with final projects. Final exams start tomorrow. No entries until they’re over.

~The Awesome Me

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5/9/11

Dear Diary,

I miss Birdie. I want him to come home. But no, he’s too busy spending time with Alfred and his dad.

This summer sucks.

Birdie’s not around, Veta’s working, West is avoiding me and Veta (she set him up on another date with one of her lame-ass co-workers. It didn’t go very well), Mutti’s working and can’t make me pancakes… So it’s just been me and Gilbird.

~The Awesome Me

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5/11/11

Dear Diary,

This morning, I was awesome!

I started up a new blog today! I went in and deleted my old one and now I have an awesome new blog to write. So now I have something to do when I’m not working! Me and Gilbird are going to take pictures of awesome things and then we’re going to rearrange all of the furniture in Mattie’s room.

~The Awesome Me

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5/14/11

Dear Diary,

Veta’s not working today, so we’re hitting up Laura’s pool for a little swimming. Laura invited us over, so I guess she’s not annoyed with me or anything for the whole date thing. Gilbird’s been flying around my room, chirping non-stop. I think he’s more excited than I am.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

~The Awesome Me

-

Dear Diary,

Just got back from an awesome day of swimming!

Surrounded by a bunch of cute girls in swim suits, what could be better? Okay, maybe if Laura’s brother hadn’t been there it would’ve been better. He didn’t like me. Or maybe he just couldn’t handle how awesome I am.

So there was Veta, who looked damn sexy in that one-piece of hers. It’s a pity she won’t wear a bikini around me any more. Then again, the last time she did I untied her top and ran off with it. I guess she didn’t appreciate it. But it’s not like she didn’t get me back for it.

Laura looked pretty too. She was wearing a green bikini, which I don’t think her brother was very pleased about. I wonder if Veta’s plan was to see if I’m more attracted to her when she’s wearing less clothes? If it was, it didn’t work.

Laura invited a few of her friends to join us. Mostly girls. There was this cute black girl who stayed in the water the entire time and kept the dolphin floaty all to herself. A blonde who wore her hair braided over her shoulder and had glasses and spent most of the time sitting on the edge of the pool. She joined us when I dumped a bucket of water on her. I think their names were Angelique and Monica.

There was one other guy. I think his name was Tino or something.

So, I’ve got work for the next few days. So does Veta. Since our schedules are about the same this week, we’ve decided to hang out at night.

~The Awesome Me

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5/17/11

Dear Diary,

I wonder what Mattie’s doing right now. I hope he’s having fun with his dad and Alfred. He needs to hurry the hell up and come home! Veta’s trying to drag me off to do girly things! I don’t like it.

~The Awesome Me

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5/23/11

Dear Diary,

No matter what anyone else tells you, I am awesome and I did not spend all weekend in a jail because I set my boss on fire. I spent all weekend in jail because I accidentally dropped a match on my boss’s shoe and his sock caught fire and then West wouldn’t bail me out of jail.

I lost my job too.

This sucks.

A lot.

Now what am I supposed to do?

The only bright side is that Mattie should be home tomorrow or the next day! I’ll finally get to see him and we can start planning our trip to New Prussia! And now my job won’t interfere with our trip.

Damn it.

~The Awesome Me

-----

5/24/11

Dear Diary,

No Mattie today… Maybe he’ll be home tomorrow. He probably needed to rest a day after dealing with Alfred for two extra weeks.

~The Awesome Me

-----

5/25/11

Dear Diary,

Still no Mattie. If he doesn’t come home tomorrow, I’m going to call down there and make sure he’s alright.

Me, Veta, and West are watching some awesome movies tonight!

~The Awesome Me

-----

5/26/11

Dear Diary,

Today, I was awesome!

Birdie, on the other hand, is not. He’s still not home. And he’s not answering his phone.

~The Awesome Me

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5/27/11

Dear Diary,

Today I got a letter from Mattie. He says he’s not coming home until the 30th. The 30th! That’s another 3 days! I don’t want to wait that long! Maybe I should drive down and get him.

West just told me I can’t do that.

Guess I’ll go rearrange Mattie’s room again. I have a few new pandas and yellow birds I can put in there. Then I’ll come home and un-organize West’s sock drawer while he’s out walking the dogs.

~The Awesome Me

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5/30/11

Dear Diary,

Mattie’s home! Mattie’s home! Mattie’s home~!

This summer just got more awesome! I’m gonna go next door and get him to make me pancakes! Then we’re going to sit down and start talking about our awesome trip and he can tell me about all of the stupid things Alfred did. And in return I’ll tell him about how awesome I’ve been since spring break.

Let the summer of Awesome begin!

~The Awesome Me

Chapter Text

Electronics with Alfred and Arthur

Part 1

Instant Message - December 17, 2010

EpicAmericanHero: There’s so much snow! It’s cold and it sucks! I hate it here in, uh, wherever the hell I’m at. Canadia?

EnglishGentleman: It’s Canada, you git. Can’t you at least learn the name of the country your brother is from?

EpicAmericanHero: Oh, go drink tea and eat biscuits or something, Artie.

EnglishGentleman: Fine. Talk to yourself.

EpicAmericanHero: What!?

EpicAmericanHero: No! Don’t leave! You gotta stay and talk to me!

EnglishGentleman: Fine. Then talk.

EpicAmericanHero: About what? I could talk more about the snow or… OMG! Artie!

EnglishGentleman: What? (And don’t call me that.)

EpicAmericanHero: I think I just saw the abominable snow monster! It’s outside right now!

EnglishGentleman: There’s no such thing.

EpicAmericanHero: You believe in fairies and unicorns and shit but not the abominable snow monster? Laaaaame.

EnglishGentleman: They are real!

EpicAmericanHero: No they’re not!

EpicAmericanHero: Oh shit! It rang the doorbell!

EnglishGentleman: For the love of the Queen! Alfred, there’s no such thing as the abominable snow monster! And even if there was, it wouldn’t be ringing the doorbell!

EpicAmericanHero: Mattie’s going to answer the door! I gotta go save him!

EnglishGentleman: He doesn’t need rescuing!

EnglishGentleman: You wanker, it’s not necessary to be a hero all the time!

EnglishGentleman: It’s been ten minutes. Where the bloody hell are you?

EnglishGentleman: …git.

[EnglishGentleman has signed off.]

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Facebook

Alfred 'Hero' Jones: Mattie's BF is a total lunatic!
December 17, 2010 - 9:23 pm · Comment · Like
[Francis B., Im Yong Soo, and 2 others like this.]
Im Yong Soo: What?! Mattie has a boyfriend?!
9: 25 pm · Like
Francis B.: Ah, love~ Such a beautiful thing!
9:26 pm · Like
Im Yong Soo: Hey Al, does Mattie's boyfriend have nice breasts? (Can I claim them?)
9:26 pm · Like
Alfred 'Hero' Jones: Wait, they're DATING?! Mattie told me they were best friends! That liar!
9:27 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Just to clear things up, Gilbert is my best friend. We are not dating. (No, you can't claim his breasts, Yong Soo.) Also, he's not that crazy.
9:29 pm · Like

 

Arthur Kirkland: Alfred 'Hero' Jones is a wanker.
December 17, 2010 - 9:56 pm · Comment · Like
[Matthew Williams likes this.]

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Instant Message - December 18, 2010

EpicAmericanHero: Hey, Artie! Wassup?

EnglishGentleman: I'm not talking to you.

EpicAmericanHero: Aww, why not? :(

EpicAmericanHero: Artie?

EpicAmericanHero: Arthur, I know you're there! C'mon, man! Don't leave me hangin'!

[EnglishGentleman has signed off.]

-----

Facebook

Alfred 'Hero' Jonesto Arthur Kirkland: What'd I do? Why aren't you talking to me?
December 18, 2010 - 9:14 am · Comment · Like

 

Alfred 'Hero' Jones: is sad because Arthur Kirkland isn't talking to him.
December 18, 2010 - 11:15 am · Comment · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Want me to kick his arse for ya, lad?
11:27 am · Like
Alfred 'Hero' Jones: Nah, but thanks for offering.
11:30 am · Like

-----

E-mail

12/19/2010 - 12:34 pm

Hey Arthur,
Seriously dude, if I did something wrong you gotta tell me. I don't get why you're mad at me.
E-mails suck. But since you won't talk to me on IM or FB this is the only other way to tell ya what's going on. Mattie suggested it, btw.
Okay, so you were right about the whole snow monster thing. It was just Mattie's crazy as fuck best friend who looks like one. It's freaky! He's got white hair and red eyes and this really weird laugh. He barged in and demanded pancakes and Mattie just turned around and went to the kitchen to make them! What's up with that?
Mattie and mom are scarily alike. It's not normal for people to be so quiet! Except for Kiku. But he's a ninja, so he doesn't count.
Crazy snow up here! And Mattie keeps his room super cold! It sucks! I've got a heating blanket and I'm still freezing!
Okay, out of stuff to say.
Please write back, Artie.
~Alfred

-

12/19/2010 - 3:54 pm

Dear Alfred,
First of all, I'm not angry with you, I'm annoyed. There is a difference. Second, stop using those idiotic, pre-teen abbreviations. You're above them.
I'm sure there's a reason why Matthew is friends with this person. Don't do anything moronic like try to chase him away. You most likely won't succeed, unless your goal is to annoy Matthew.
It's perfectly normal for people to be quiet, polite, and courteous of others. Also, Kiku is not a ninja just because he comes from Japan, so stop telling everyone he is.
Perhaps if you'd wear more than a t-shirt and your boxers, you wouldn't be so cold.
Sincerely,
Arthur

-----

Facebook

Alfred 'Hero' Jones is very happy today.
December 19, 2010 - 5:28 pm · Comment · Like
[Kiku Honda, Scotty Kirkland, Arthur Kirkland, and 5 others like this.]

 

Alfred 'Hero' Jones to Arthur Kirkland: Got you something for x-mas! You're gonna love it!
December 19, 2010 - 5:43 pm · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I have something for you as well. I sent it out yesterday.
5:48 pm · Like
Alfred 'Hero' Jones: Cool. :) I haven't sent yours yet. I'll do it soon. Promise.
5:49 pm · Like
Alfred 'Hero' Jones: Mom just went to town and promised to mail it off!
5:51 pm · Like

 

Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones is going to play hockey with Matthew and some other Canadians today.
December 20, 2010 - 9:15 am · Comment · Like
[Francis B., Arthur Kirkland, and Matthew Williams like this]
Arthur Kirkland: Don’t get too beat up.
9:37 am · Like
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: I ache all over… Mattie’s a total nut!
1:33 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: You deserve it after that crack you made in the locker room.
1:35 pm via Mobile Web · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this]
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: It was a joke!
1:36 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: It wasn’t appreciated.
1:36 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: I apologized!
1:37 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Are you not in the same house? Why are you spamming us with your argument?
1:39 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m at Gil’s. And I’m not talking to Alfred anymore.
1:40 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: What? Mattie, c’mon! I’m sorry I made that joke!
1:41 pm · Like
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: You know I didn’t mean it!
1:43 pm · Like
Alfred ‘Hero’ Jones: Mattie?
1:48 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Get off your lazy arse and apologize to him in person.
1:50 pm · Like

-----

Instant Message - December 20, 2010 - 8:42 pm

EpicAmericanHero: Okay. I apologized to Mattie.

EnglishGentleman: That’s good to hear. Did it really take you nearly 7 hours to apologize?

EpicAmericanHero: Nah, I got a snack and then got distracted. So I talked to mom for a bit then remembered I was supposed to go next door to talk to Mattie. Then I started talking to Gilbert’s brother because he was the only one home and I met their dogs and they jumped on me and knocked me into the snow. It was fun.

EnglishGentleman: You did apologize, right?

EpicAmericanHero: Yeah, I did. I had to wait for him and Gilbert to come back from the movies. We’re cool now. All forgiven.

EnglishGentleman: Good to hear. So what was it that got Matthew so angry?

EpicAmericanHero: I’d rather not say.

EpicAmericanHero: So what’s going on there? Bet you’re bored without me around there. Your bro’s picking on you much?

EnglishGentleman: Things are wonderfully peaceful. I go visit Kiku when my brothers bother me.

EpicAmericanHero: Sounds boring.

EnglishGentleman: It’s not. It’s quite nice to have a little calm every now and then. I don’t have to worry about you getting stuck in air vents or anything else.

EpicAmericanHero: Bo~ring.

EpicAmericanHero: Just wait until I get back! We’ll have some great adventures! I promise I won’t get stuck in anything again.

EnglishGentleman: I doubt that.

EpicAmericanHero: Okay, so I probably will. But it’s not like I try to get stuck in shit! And that one time on the roof was completely Francis’s fault!

EnglishGentleman: You’re the idiot who went up there.

EnglishGentleman: Speaking of that bloody Frog, you won’t believe what he tried to do today.

EpicAmericanHero: Did he grope you again? I’ll kill him.

EnglishGentleman: He always does. I doubt killing him would put an end to his molestation.

EnglishGentleman: But that’s not the point!

EnglishGentleman: He got Antonio to get out his guitar and play a song so he could serenade me at my bedroom window at midnight. I suppose with Matthew not around he’s turned his attention back to me.

EpicAmericanHero: Tell Francis I’m gonna kill him when I get back.

EpicAmericanHero: Wait, what do you mean by “with Matthew not around”? What’s going on with him and Francis?

EnglishGentleman: You cannot be that daft.

EpicAmericanHero: Hey!

EnglishGentleman: You really haven’t noticed? Half of the things Francis does is to get Matthew’s attention. I’m fairly certain the roof fiasco was one of his plans to get Matthew to go talk to him.

EnglishGentleman: Alfred? Are you still there?

EpicAmericanHero: Now I’m really going to kill Francis.

EnglishGentleman: Your brother can take care of himself. He’s not nearly as oblivious as you are. I’m sure that’s the reason he avoids Francis as much as I do. Now lets stop talking about this.

EpicAmericanHero: Maybe I want to talk about it.

EnglishGentleman: You’re being childish.

EpicAmericanHero: Maybe I want to be childish.

EnglishGentleman: If that’s what you want to do, then you’ll have to be childish on your own. IM me when you’re feeling more mature.

EpicAmericanHero: Artie! That’s not fair! Don’t go!

[EnglishGentleman has signed off.]

-----

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones is now friends with Gilbert Beilschmidt

Alfred F. Jones is watching some chick with a frying pan bang on the neighbor’s door.
December 21, 2010 - 11:23 am · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Oh that’s just Elizaveta. Any second Gilbert will run out the back door to try and hide out over here.
11:25 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Dislike. :(
11:26 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: You’ll get over it. Just go answer the door before she really beats you up.
11:26 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Whose side are you on, Birdie? Damn it! Now she knows I’m at home! I don’t wanna answer the door!
11:27 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: What exactly have you done that you don’t want to talk to her?
11:28 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Nothing!
11:28 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Stop using my post to chat!
11:29 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Call me.
11:30 am · Like
[Francis B. likes this.]
Matthew Williams: That was not an open invitation to continually call my phone until I pick up, Francis! How did you even get my number?!
11:36 am · Like
Francis B.: Mon ami Arthur gave it to me.
11:38 am · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Stop telling lies, Frog!
11:39 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Stop stalking my brother!
11:39 am · Like
Francis B.: My dear American, if I were stalking darling Mathieu, wouldn’t I have followed you to Canada?
11:40 am · Like
Matthew Williams: does not like where this conversation is going and would like it to stop now.
11:41 am · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt, Arthur Kirklandand 2 others like this.]
Alfred F. Jones: Phone stalker!
11:41 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Shut up, Al.
11:43 am · Like

 

Arthur Kirkland is locked on the roof with Francis. Please get me down.
December 21, 2010 - 3:13 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
[Francis B., Scotty Kirkland, and Faolán Kirkland like this.]
Alfred F. Jones: And you made fun of me for getting locked up there? How’d you managed to get locked up there with Francis?
3:15 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: He groped me
3:16 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: He groped you and then you followed him to the roof?!
3:16 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: NO! He groped me and then I tried to kick his arse. Somehow we ended up on the roof.
3:17 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: I’m on my way, Arthur-san.
3:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: Arthur likes to pretend there are no feelings between us.
3:19 pm via Mobile Web · Like
[Antonio Fernandez Carriedo likes this]
Arthur Kirkland: Because there are none! Stop telling lies, Frog!
3:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: DUDE
3:20 pm · Like

 

Alfred F. Jones to Arthur Kirkland: Are you off the roof yet?
December 21, 2010 - 3:48 pm · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Yes. Thank goodness Kiku was around to open the door.
3:53 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: So what’s really going on between you and Francis?
3:54 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Do not start this conversation again, Alfred. You know I hate that blasted Frog.
3:55 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Good.
3:56 pm · Like

-----

Text Message

From: Arthur:
Message: What is wrong with you?
December 21, 2010 - 4:15 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I don’t know what you mean.
4:16 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Why are you worried about what I’m doing with Francis?
4:17 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Because he’s a pervert.
4:19 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I am aware of that. That’s why I avoid him at all costs. What’s the real reason, Alfred?
4:21 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No reason. Gotta go. Going out for dinner with mom, Mattie, Gilbert, and Gilbert’s brother.
4:25 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: You can’t avoid talking to me forever.
4:26 pm · Reply

-----

Facebook

Arthur Kirkland Spending the day with my brothers…
December 22, 2010 - 9:46 am · Comment · Like
[Scotty Kirkland, Ioan Kirkland, and Faolán Kirkland like this.]

 

Alfred F. Jones is going to regret playing hockey with Mattie and his crazy Canadian friends for a second time.
December 22, 2010 - 11:03 am · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Just don’t say anything stupid in the locker room this time.
11:08 am · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]
Alfred F. Jones: Why can’t we play football or baseball or something else that’s better than hockey?
2:38 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: There is nothing better than hockey.
2:39 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Except football.
2:42 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You’re just BEGGING for Matthew to murder you in your sleep.
2:44 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Or I could do it now. Hey Al, want to have a snowball fight?
2:45 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: O.o No thanks. I think I’ll go lock myself in the bathroom.
2: 46 pm · Like
[Matthew Williams and Gilbert Beilschmidt like this.]

 

Alfred F. Jones to Arthur Kirkland: Are all Canadian’s crazy or is it just my brother and his friends?
December 22, 2010 - 3:17 pm · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I don’t know. I’ve only met Matthew and he seems to be rather sane.
3:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: He’s not. Trust me.
3:25 pm · Like

-----

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Dude, save me!
December 22, 2010 - 3:54 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Considering how far away we are from one another at this moment, I doubt I could do anything to help you. Ask Matthew instead.
3:57 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I can’t! Mattie’s the one I need saving from!
3:58 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Stop being a child, Alfred. Your brother is not going to kill you.
3:59 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: U don’t know him like I do. He’s gonna kill me.
4:00 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: What did you do to him?
4:02 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Nothing! Really! We played hockey and I didn’t make any jokes in the locker room or anything! Then we came home and now he wants to kill me.
4:03 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Artie? You still there? Oh god, Mattie got you, didn’t he?!
4:16 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: My apologies. Kiku called me to ask a favor.
4:18 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Don’t scare me like that!
4:19 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Unless your brother can magically teleport himself, I don’t see how he could have injured me. Nor do I see why he would want to.
4:21 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: dude, cuz you’re my BFF that’s why
4:22 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I would appreciate it if you would use proper English.
4:23 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: OMFG Mattie’s trying to break down the bathroom door!
4:25 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Why are you texting me from the bathroom?
4:26 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: it’s where I’m hiding from Mattie.
4:27 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: You realize it’s not much of a hiding place when he knows where you are, correct?
4:28 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: STFU don’t make fun of my hiding place just cuz you’re jealous.
4:30 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Since you have decided to continue being a child, I’m going to stop texting you. Apologize to Matthew and get out of the bathroom.
4:32 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Duuuuuude! Not cool!
4:33 pm · Reply

-----

Facebook

Matthew Williams to Arthur Kirkland Hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to murder Alfred in his sleep.
December 22, 2010 - 8:19 pm · Comment · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt, Carlos Lopez, and Francis B. like this.]
Arthur Kirkland: What did he do?
8:27 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: He insulted hockey.
8:30 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I see. Carry on with your murdering.
8:31 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Dude! What?!?!
8:32 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: No! Don’t let him kill me!
8:32 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Don’t go to sleep tonight, Al.
8:34 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones is now hiding in the bathroom from his maniac of a twin brother.
December 22, 2010 - 8:39 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: You’ve been in there since 4 o’clock. You’ll have to come out sometime.
8:40 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: No thanks. I think I’ll live in here from now on.
8:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like

 

Alfred F. Jones having a snowball fight with Mattie!
December 23, 2010 - 12:15 pm · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I would ask what got you to stop hiding in the bathroom, but I’m too thankful to hear that you and Matthew have made up.
12:28 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Made up? You kidding? This is Mattie’s method of torture. Too bad for him I’m prepared this time!
12:30 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: We’ll see about that, eh?
12:31 pm · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]
Alfred F. Jones: Holy shit blizzard!
12:39 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Still prepared for our snowball fight?
12:40 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Hell no! I ain’t going out in that! You’re crazy!
12:41 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Suit up, bro. Unless you’re too chicken.
12:42 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Fuck you. It’s on now.
12:43 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Wow. Way to kick my butt, Al.
2:01 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: That was the greatest thing I have ever seen! And I got it all on VIDEO!
2:03 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I hate you both.
2:04 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: AND I ESPECIALLY HATE FUCKING BLIZZARDS!
2:04 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt posted a video
December 23, 2010 - 2:10 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt tagged Alfred F. Jones and Matthew Williams in a video
December 23, 2010 - 2:10 pm · Like
[Matthew Williams, Lars Peeters, Elizaveta Héderváry, and 7 others like this.]
Alfred F. Jones: Dude. Take that shit down.
2:11 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Nope. That shit deserves to be shared with the world. Youtube, here I come!
2:12 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: So Al, wanna tell me what the greatest sport in the world is?
2:13 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You’re a passive aggressive psycho.
2:14 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: That’s not a sport. Tell me or I’m sending the video to dad.
2:15 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Blackmail too? Daaaaaamn. Fine. But not online.
2:16 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Deal.
2:16 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Dislike. :( Make him say it online!
2:17 pm · Like

 

Alfred F. Jones is alone in the house. :)
December 23, 2010 - 3:02 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Alfred F. Jones had better be behaving himself while he’s alone in the house.
3:03 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams had better not be doing anything inappropriate with his so-called “best friend”.
3:04 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Alfred F. Jones is a hoser who needs to shut his mouth and stop making up stories.
3:06 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams is a loser who still writes in a DIARY
3:07 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Alfred F. Jones needs to stay out of my room.
3:08 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams needs to remember that he’s sharing a room with the amazing me.
3:09 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Clearly the two of you are the most mature of all the people I know.
3:11 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Awww, thanks Artie! ;)
3:12 pm · Like

-----

Instant Message - December 23, 2010 - 4:23 pm

EpicAmericanHero: Got your present today!

EnglishGentleman: Good to hear. I got yours as well. Francis tried to hold it for ransom, but Kiku assisted me in getting it from him.

EpicAmericanHero: Mattie hid yours from me once it arrived so I couldn’t open it and see what you got for me. :(

EnglishGentleman: Good. I asked him to do so. You’re not to open that until Christmas.

EpicAmericanHero: What?! No way!

EpicAmericanHero: You can’t really expect me to wait that long!

EnglishGentleman: That is exactly what I expect. Find something to do that will take your mind off of it.

EpicAmericanHero: Like what? Mattie and the albino freak ran off and left me alone in the middle of a freaking blizzard. Mom’s not home either.

EnglishGentleman: Worried about your brother?

EpicAmericanHero: No way! He ditched me! Why should I worry about him?!

EnglishGentleman: So you’re afraid to be alone?

EpicAmericanHero: Yeah right. Heroes don’t get scared!

EpicAmericanHero: But this is Canadia… Who knows what sort of strange creatures exist here! And I’m still not convinced that there isn’t an abominable snowman. With this kind of weather, I wouldn’t even be able to see it!

EnglishGentleman: For the last bloody time, there is no such thing.

EpicAmericanHero: And Mattie’s all alone out there in the blizzard… with no protection…

EpicAmericanHero: I gotta go rescue him!

EnglishGentleman: Alfred Franklin Jones! Don’t you go running off to “save” your brother again!

EnglishGentleman: Do you hear me? You are not ditching me to go chase imaginary creatures again!

EpicAmericanHero: Psssh, like you can talk Mr “I believe in fairies and unicorns”.

EnglishGentleman: They exist.

EpicAmericanHero: No they don’t.

EnglishGentleman: Oh, but things like the yeti and bigfoot and aliens do exist?

EpicAmericanHero: Yup. Those totally exist! Also the chupa-thingy and the Jersey Devil.

EnglishGentleman: You’re impossible.

EpicAmericanHero: Thanks!

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones happy day before x-mas!
December 24, 2010 - 4:00 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: where have you been all day?
4:13 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I’ll explain later. Driving now.
4:15 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: You are not driving and texting at the same time.
4:17 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Totally am. I’m just that go
4:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams has stolen the phone so Alfred doesn’t keep nearly running off the road.
4:19 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: At least one of you is thinking clearly.
4:21 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones is now friends with Ludwig Beilschmidt, Lars Peeters, and 2 others.
December 24, 2010 - 5:25 pm via Mobile Web

Alfred F. Jones posted a photo
December 24, 2010 - 5:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones tagged Matthew Williams, Gilbert Beilschmidt, and Ludwig Beilschmidt in a photo
December 24, 2010 - 5:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
[Scotty Kirkland, Faolán Kirkland, Im Yong Soo, and 8 others like this.]
Arthur Kirkland: What are you doing?
5:43 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Awesome stuff. We went hunting for a x-mas tree!
5:44 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: It looks like you’re standing near the road. You realize cutting down trees along the side of the road is illegal, correct?
5:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: DUH. We just took our picture next to it because (and I quote) “it looks so pretty”. Go on and guess who said that.
5:47 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Matthew?
5:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: That’s right! Mom took the pictures for us.
5:49 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: You mean there’s more than just this one?
5:52 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: For sure! We’re still taking them. I’ll put up the rest when we get home.
5:55 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: Oh, so this is Mathieu’s BF? Interesting…
5:57 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: That “BF” had better stand for best friend and nothing else.
5:59 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: Of course, mon cher.
6:00 pm · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Looks like a fun family bonding experience. We should have one of our own.
6:01 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: No. I refuse to go anywhere with you lot again.
6:03 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Faolán Kirkland: I’ll get his arms and you get his legs.
6:04 pm · Like
[Scotty Kirkland and Ioan Kirkland like this.]
Arthur Kirkland: Dislike, dislike, dislike, dislike!
6:05 pm via Mobile Web · Like

 

Arthur Kirkland to Alfred F. Jones you put my brothers up to this, didn’t you?
December 24, 2010 - 6:20 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Totally did. Ur welcome~!
6:22 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Wanker.
6:24 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-----

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Merry Christmas, Artie.
December 25, 2010 - 12:01 am

From: Arthur
Message: Happy Christmas, Alfred.
December 25, 2010 - 12:03 am

Chapter Text

Part 2
Facebook

Alfred F. Jones fuck yeah! Christmas!
December 25, 2010 - 7:27 am · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: seven o’clock is not an appropriate time to wake up the entire house screaming “it’s Christmas, it’s Christmas, it’s Christmas”. Though I’m glad you at least waited that long.
8:17 am via Mobile Web · Like
Im Yong Soo: That sounds fun! I want to do that to Yao and Leon~!
8:20 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Christmas is AWESOME!
8:46 am via Mobile Web · Like

Arthur Kirkland Thanks to Kiku Honda, I had a wonderfully refreshing night of sleep and was not woken at an impossibly early hour.
December 25, 2010 - 9:14 am via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Oh, so that’s where you vanished to.
9:25 am · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I’m not there anymore. Leave Kiku alone.
9:26 am via Mobile Web · Like
Faolán Kirkland: ROAD TRIP!
9:28 am · Like
Arthur Kirkland: What? Why? No.
9:29 am via Mobile Web · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Brilliant plan!
9:30 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Aww, no fair! Mattie won’t let me drag him off on road trips!
9:34 am · Like
Matthew Williams: There’s a reason for that. Now get off your phone, Al. It’s family time!
9:36 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Then why is Gilbert and his bro still in our house?
9:38 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Cuz me and Mattie are bros.
9:39 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Both of you get off your phones or I’ll go get my hockey stick.
9:40 am · Like

Scotty Kirkland: Mission accomplished! Little brother obtained!
December 25, 2010 - 10:15 am · Comment · Like

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: Alfred, do me a favor and tell Kiku my brothers have locked me in the trunk of their car and left me in the parking lot.
December 25, 2010 - 10:23 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah, I can do that. But which parking lot?
10:27 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I have no bloody idea.
10:28 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: How did that even happen?
10:32 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I would rather not say. Have you told Kiku?
10:33 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah. He said he’d go save you just as soon as he shakes off Yong Soo.
10:40 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Thank you. What’s taking you so long to write back? Normally you send a reply just after I write back.
10:41 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Hiding phone. Mattie threatened to beat me up if I keep using it during “family time”.
10:45 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’ll leave you to your family time. Hopefully it’s more enjoyable than the disaster my brothers cooked up.
10:46 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Cool. :) Lemme know when you’re rescued.
10:49 am · Reply

 

Facebook

Arthur Kirkland has had a really weird and stressful day. Thank you Kiku Honda for rescuing me and Alfred F. Jones for texting me despite threats of bodily harm for doing so.
December 25, 2010 - 12:20 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: So you’re the one he was talking to.
12:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks for ratting me out, Artie. See if I help save you from your bros again.
12:35 pm via Mobile Web · Like
[Scotty Kirkland likes this.]
Francis B.: You know you can always call me when you need help.
1:02 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: No, Francis. Never.
1:13 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones just saw a dude in a santa suit and Mattie’s scary hockey pal walk up to the front door together. WTF man
December 25, 2010 - 1:08 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Timo and Berwald are here already?
1:09 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Does this “Timo” wear a santa suit?
1:09 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Yes. It’s Secret Santa type of thing we do. Stay upstairs and make sure Gil stays with you.
1:10 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Too late.
1:11 pm · Like
Kiku Honda: I would like to hear the rest of this story.
1:18 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: In a sec. Trying to understand it myself.
1:20 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Timo is a friend of mine who dresses like Santa every year for our group Secret Santa thing. We all send him the presents so he can deliver them on Christmas. Berwald helps him carry things.
1:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: That doesn’t sound very complicated at all.
1:30 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s not. Alfred likes pretending it is.
1:33 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee! I’m still confused.
1:35 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Stop drinking the eggnog, Al.
1:36 pm via Mobile Web · Like

 

Instant Message - December 25, 2010 - 3:20 pm

EpicAmericanHero: So didja like the present I got for you?

EnglishGentleman: I was surprised that you actually seemed to put thought into it. Thank you. I will enjoy reading it.

EpicAmericanHero: I just remember you mentioning that one time that you like reading and then another time you started talking about how you wanted to read more Sherlock Holmes, so I figured I’d get you the collection book thing.

EnglishGentleman: That was very thoughtful of you. I’ll have to find a quiet place to read. Away from my brothers.

EpicAmericanHero: Aww, they mean well.

EpicAmericanHero: So, hey, those movies you got me look totally badass! I just need to wait for Mattie and Gilfreak to leave the house so I can watch it without them being around to ruin it for me.

EnglishGentleman: Don’t get scared while you’re watching them.

EpicAmericanHero: Ha! Heroes never get scared!

EnglishGentleman: And you’re a hero?

EpicAmericanHero: Of course!

EpicAmericanHero: Hey, that wasn’t sarcasm, was it?

EnglishGentleman: No, no. of course it wasn’t.

EpicAmericanHero: Okay, awesome. Gotta run. Mom’s calling for me!

EnglishGentleman: Text me later?

EpicAmericanHero: I always do.

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: So other than your brothers locking you in the trunk, how’s your day been?
December 25, 2010 - 9:18 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: As well as any other Christmas, I suppose. They calmed down after Kiku got me out of the trunk. I got the usual joke gifts from them.
9:23 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Oooo like what?
9:24 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Nothing I’m inclined to tell you about. So what about you? How was your Christmas?
9:26 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Killjoy! My x-mas was awesome! Even if “family time” was really “invite the German neighbors over to join us” time.
9:27 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Did you have fun?
9:28 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Well yeah. Gilfreak’s weird and all, but he’s an alright guy. Brings out Mattie’s crazy side.
9:29 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Are you sure that’s not you? Glad to hear you had fun. I did too, once I escaped my brothers. Kiku and I watched movies and played video games.
9:31 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No way! U played video games without me? Not cool, Artie. Thought you didn’t like them.
9:32 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I don’t like playing them with you. You’re too competitive. Kiku holds in his glee when he beats me.
9:33 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: dude, I’m not that bad!
9:35 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Yes, you are. Especially your victory dance.
9:36 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: What’s wrong with my victory dance? I think it’s awesome!
9:37 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Only to you. Not to the people you play against.
9:38 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I think you’re just jealous cuz you don’t have a victory dance like me.
9:40 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I assure you, I am not jealous.
9:41 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Sure, Artie. Whatever you say.
9:42 pm · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones is baking cookies!
December 26, 2010 - 11:16 am · Comment · Like
[Im Yong Soo likes this.]
Im Yong Soo: Make extra for me!
11:34 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I don’t even get to eat them. They’re for the neighbors or some crap.
11:36 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s not crap. We do this every year. Even Gilbert helps!
11:39 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: He’s sitting on the counter eating the dough!
11:40 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Smack him with a towel or something.
11:41 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You do it!
11:42 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Can’t. Secret project with Ludwig.
11:44 am via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: So you’ll do secret projects with West but not me? Just for that, I’m eating all the cookie dough and the cookies once they come out of the oven.
11:46 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Ludwig’s secret projects don’t end with someone in jail.
11:48 am via Mobile Web · Like
[Ludwig Beilschmidt likes this.]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Hey, that only happened once!
11:49 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: It was twice.
11:50 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Can’t you guys text one each other? You keep taking over my posts!
11:50 am via Mobile Web · Like

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Bored now.
December 26, 2010 - 1:20 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I thought you were baking cookies or something. That was what your facebook status said.
1:24 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah, but that was 2 hours ago. Now I’m done. And bored. Entertain me.
1:25 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: No, I’m busy. Why don’t you go bug your brother.
1:27 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I can’t. He’s still doing secret project shit with Ludwig. Gilbert deserted me after stealing a tray of cookies.
1:28 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Then try entertaining yourself. I’m sure you’re good at that.
1:32 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Tried that. Didn’t work. Still bored.
1:33 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Can’t you play a video game or read a book?
1:35 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Books are boring and Mattie’s game are lame.
1:39 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I don’t know what to tell you. And books are not boring! Have you ever sat down and actually tried to read one?
1:40 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No because it’s boring. Why read when I could watch a movie? So whatcha doing?
1:41 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’m trying to read. My brothers are out at the local pub so I finally get some quiet time to myself.
1:45 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: So I guess I’m interrupting.
1:45 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Yes.
1:46 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Awesome! So you’re really not busy and can talk to me instead of reading.
1:47 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: No, absolutely not. I would like to get through more than a page before they return.
1:49 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: U can read at night. Wouldn’t you rather talk to me right now?
1:50 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I would rather read.
1:55 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No you wouldn’t. Talk to meeeee
1:56 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: You sound like a needy child. Put down your phone and find something to do.
1:58 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: But there’s nothing to do!
1:58 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Artie? You still there?
2:15 pm · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones is very bored and sad because Arthur Kirkland won’t talk to him.
December 26, 2010 - 2:50 pm · Comment · Like
Kiku Honda: I’m not busy, if you would like to talk.
2:58 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks, man. I think I’ll take you up on that offer.
3:00 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Good to see you found a way to entertain yourself.
3:04 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: You could’ve watched those movies Arthur got you.
3:06 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: with Gilbert around to jump in and make fun of ‘em? No way!
3:10 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: He’s too chicken to watch them alone.
3:11 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Am not!
3:13 pm · Like

Arthur Kirkland had a very lovely day reading peacefully by the window.
December 26, 2010 - 7:30 pm · Comment · Like
[Francis B. likes this.]
Francis B.: And might I say that you looked very lovely doing so.
8:12 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: So it was you in the bushes. I thought so.
8:15 pm · Like
Francis B.: What is this? No scolding? No yelling? No marching over to my room to throttle me senseless like always? Mon ami, are you feeling well? Do you need me to come over and nurse you back to health?
8:17 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Stay away from me, Frog! I do not need help from you!
8:18 pm · Like
Francis B.: What a pity.
8:18 pm · Like
Francis B.: I assure you, I would be nothing but professional.
8:20 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: No means no, Francis.
8:21 pm · Like

 

Phone Call

It wasn’t long into the day of the 27th of December, some time after Matthew ran off to spend the day with Gilbert, that Alfred gave in and called Arthur.
He paced back and forth in Matthew’s room, listening to the phone ringing in his ear. It droned on and on before clicking over to voicemail. Alfred scowled and ended the call before dialing his friend right back.
A few rings later, an annoyed Arthur finally picked up.
“What?”
“Arthur!” Alfred shouted happily. “You picked up! What took you so long, man?”
“I was taking a nap, you git. I’ve been up since three this morning, which, by the way, is when my brothers came parading back from their bar hopping.”
Alfred laughed and flopped down on his brother’s bed, enjoying hearing Arthur’s voice for the first time in over a week. Sure the Briton sounded tired and grumpy, but that was better than sitting in silence. “Sounds like fun. Better than what’s happening around here. Mattie ran off yesterday and made me make cookies with Gilbert! Could you imagine?”
Arthur sighed. “Yes, I saw your post. I don’t see what the big deal is since you were just working together for a few hours. It’s not like you were forced to spend the entire day together.”
“That’s not the point,” Alfred said, rolling over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. “The point is that Mattie keeps deserting me, which is totally not cool, y’know? I wouldn’t do that to him!”
“But you do. All the time,” Arthur reminded him. “Especially when he’s trying to make you clean. Besides, from what I’ve heard, you haven’t exactly had the best luck in getting along with Matthew’s friends. It seems to me that every time you’ve tagged along with him the two of you end up fussing with one another. Perhaps it’s best that he leaves you home a few times.”
“But now I’m bored,” Alfred whined. “What am I supposed to do around here? I don’t want to go outside. I’m too afraid I’ll fall in the snow and be lost until summer. That would suck!” He could imagine Arthur rolling his eyes, which brought a grin back to his face. “I’m tired of playing hockey anyway. Mattie’s scary violent when he puts on skates.”
“Then don’t complain about Matthew not asking you along,” Arthur said. “Now if all you want to do is complain to me, I believe I will turn off my phone and go back to my nap before my brothers wake up.”
Alfred jolted up. “No! Wait!”
There was a moment of silence and he feared his friend had hung up on him. Then there was another heavy sigh.
“What is it, Alfred?”
“I just wanna talk to someone,” Alfred said, laying back down. “It’s all quiet and stuff around here. I don’t like being by myself.”
“Very well. What do you want to talk about?”
“Hmm…” Alfred thought for a moment. “How about we talk about what we’ll do once I get back? By then we’ll have been apart for a whole three weeks! We’ll have to go out and have some fun. You, me, and Kiku. Unless Kiku’s busy, then it’ll just be the two of us. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t really know. I suppose we could go to a museum or something like that. Perhaps a movie, so long as you don’t throw popcorn at people again.”
Alfred laughed. “Aww, but that’s the best part!”
“We got thrown out last time.”
“And that’s when you know you’ve done a good job,” Alfred said. “But if you’d like, I can resist the impulse to throw popcorn at people next time.”
Arthur was silent again. “You’re going to throw candy at them instead, aren’t you?”
“Yup!”
“Git.”
There was a tone of warmth to the Briton’s voice that had Alfred’s heart fluttering pleasantly. “But seriously, dude. What are we going to do? Cuz I can’t think of anything. I think Canada is draining me of my awesome ideas!”
“Why don’t we wait and think about it. We still have another week and a half until you return and we should include Kiku in this conversation as well. In the mean time, you need to find something to do before you drive me and everyone around you bonkers.”
“Good plan,” Alfred agreed. “I knew I could count on you! So, whaddya suggest?”
“Find something that will get you out of that house. There must be one of Matthew’s friends or acquaintances who wouldn’t mind spending time with you.”
“Well, there’s that Elizaveta chick…”
“Good. Ask her.”
“But she’s, like, best friends with Gilfreak! There’s no way she’d wanna hang with me instead of him and Mattie.”
“Do you know that for sure?”
“Well… no.”
“Then ask her to hang out. You’re good at getting people to spend time with you, even when they really don’t want to. There’s just something…” A yawn cut into his sentence. “Something about you that makes people like you. Charisma. Oh blast, listen to me ramble.”
“Nah, it’s cool,” Alfred said. “I like hearing you talk.”
He instantly blanched. Really, of all the things he could have said, the words that came out of his mouth were “I like hearing you talk”? Clearly there was some disconnection between his brain and mouth.
Arthur cleared his throat rather awkwardly. “Y-yes, well. Thank you, I suppose.”
Alfred mind raced for a way to fix things. Before he could find the proper words, Arthur stammered out something about leaving the kettle on the stove and hanged up. ‘Fuck…’ He thought, staring at the blinking numbers on his cell phone.
“Fuck.”

 

Facebook

Matthew Williams had an AWESOME fucking day with his BFFF Gilbert Beilschmidt who is the most AWESOME person in the world!!!
December 27, 2010 - 7:39 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]
Matthew Williams: Stop stealing my phone!
7:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You’re the one who left it unguarded and logged in. I had to take advantage and tell the world the truth!
7:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: The skewed truth.
7:47 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Nope. The truth truth.
7:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams needs to stop chatting with Gilbert via facebook when they’re probably in the same room and come home and help me!
7:49 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I will. In an hour or two.
7:50 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Aww, I just got an hour left of Mattie Time? Not awesome.
7:51 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Okay. 2 hours.
7:51 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: No. Now. I’m having a crisis!
7:52 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Laaaame. 4 hours.
7:52 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m coming home. Don’t destroy my room.
7:53 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: This means war, Alfred F. Jones.
7:54 pm Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones Crisis averted!
December 27, 2010 - 10:10 pm · Comment · Like
[Matthew Williams likes this.]
Scotty Kirkland: What crisis? Are you alright, lad?
10:23 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Yeah, I’m good. Mattie helped me out. No big deal!
10:25 pm · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Good to hear. I’d hate for anything to happen to you, kiddo. You ever need anything, you can come to your big brother Scotty, you know?
10:28 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks dude. Maybe if there’s a next time.
10:30 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones So I woke up this morning to find myself covered in shaving cream and yellow feathers…
December 28, 2010 - 9:20 am · Comment · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt and Francis B. like this.]

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Any ideas on good pranks? Gilfreak got me good this morning and now it’s payback time!
December 28, 2010 - 9:45 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Sorry. I have no ideas.
9:49 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Dude, seriously? U live with 3 bros who always pick on you and you’ve got nothing?
9:50 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Yes, seriously. And how many times must I ask you to use proper grammar?
9:52 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: And miss hearing u rage about it? No way.
9:53 am · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones Payback will be swift and sweet, Gilbert Beilschmidt!
December 28, 2010 - 10:00 am · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry, Matthew Williams, and Lars Peeters like this.]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Birdie! Why did you “like” that! You’re suppose to be on my side!
10:34 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m not on either side. Though I’m not happy about that mess you made that I had to clean up.
10:38 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Oops. Sorry, Birdie. We’re still BFFF’s, right?
10:40 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Yes. But that doesn’t mean I’m on your side.
10:42 am · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: I’m on Alfred’s side! I’ve got some great ideas!
10:46 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Sweet! Wanna come over and chat?
10:48 am · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Gil will probably listen in, so I’ll come pick you up and we’ll plot elsewhere.
10:50 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Cool. :)
10:51 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Damn it, West! Why’d you have to take the car?!
10:52 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Probably because we crashed it in slow motion into a snow drift the other night and left it there for him to dig out.
10:56 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You weren’t supposed to tell him about that!
10:57 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I didn’t have to. He already knew. Guess we really can’t hide anything from him, eh?
10:59 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you crashed a car? With Mattie in it? Now I’m REALLY gonna let you have it.
11:01 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Relax, Al. It was nothing. We were way slow and slid sideways into the drift thanks to a strong gust of wind. Neither of us were hurt and the car wasn’t damaged.
11:03 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Don’t care. Killing your “BFFF”
11:04 am · Like
Matthew Williams: No killing allowed.
11:05 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Thanks for sticking up for me, Mattie!
11:06 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Same goes for you. No killing.
11:07 am · Like
Francis B.: You may need a moderator for this little “war”, Matthieu.
11:08 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I guess that’s my job…
11:09 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I call bias!
11:10 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Towards WHO? You’re my twin brother and Gilbert’s my best friend. You’re pretty much on equal ground.
11:12 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: U mean Gilbert’s your boyfriend.
11:13 am · Like
Matthew Williams: On second thought, I’ll team up with Gilbert. Ludwig can moderate.
11:14 am · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You’re fucked now, Jones.
11:16 am · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: I will be the moderator, but first we need to establish rules. No more pranks until we can meet up this evening and go over them. Understood?
11:20 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Ja, got it, West.
11:22 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Yeah, yeah. No problem.
11:23 am · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt posted a photo.
December 28, 2010 - 7:18 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt tagged Alfred F. Jones in a photo.
December 28, 2010 - 7:18 pm · Like
[Matthew Williams, Lars Peeters, and Francis B. like this.]
Arthur Kirkland: Alfred, what on earth are you covered in?
8:32 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh, so NOW you want to talk to me.
8:34 pm · Like
Francis B.: I’m printing this picture for my bulletin board~!
8:40 pm · Like

 

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: I hope you’ve found a suitable form of revenge for that photo.
December 28, 2010 - 8:53 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Trust me, me and Elizaveta came up with great stuff. We’ll have this thing won by tomorrow.
8:56 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I certainly hope so. If it doesn’t work, let me know. I may be willing to enlist the help of my brothers for this.
8:57 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Dude, seriously? But you never ask them for help!
8:58 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: They would only make it backfire if it was for me. They like you, therefore they would be willing to help.
8:59 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Cool. :) I’ll let you know how our first prank goes and then we’ll decide.
9:00 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Good luck.
9:02 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Thanks!
9:03 pm · Reply

Chapter Text

Part 3
Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: They replaced the sugar with salt. Worst. Coffee. Ever.
December 29, 2010 - 10:24 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I hope you’ve executed your first prank.
10:30 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: heh, yeah. We did that last night. Filled Mattie’s car with bean thingys from a bean bag chair.
10:32 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Well that’s certainly interesting. Is that all?
10:33 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Nope! I’ve got something even greater planned. They’re gonna wish they’d never gone against me with pranks!
10:35 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: My brothers would like for you to take pictures.
10:36 am · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: We are. :) Lizzy’s got this great camera. We’re just waiting for Mattie to encounter the car right now. Ooo! There he is!
10:37 am · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones posted a photo.
December 29, 2010 - 10:56 am · Like

Alfred F. Jones tagged Matthew Williams and Gilbert Beilschmidt in a photo.
December 29, 2010 - 10:56 am · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry, Arthur Kirkland, and Lars Peeters like this.]
Lars Peeters: Sorry Matthew, but I’m enjoying the expression on Beilschmidt’s face.
10:59 am · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Oooo! The pictures turned out so well!
10:59 am via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones was just bombarded by all the clothes in my suitcase. Not cool.
December 29, 2010 - 11:45 am · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: That’s what you get for filling my car with Styrofoam beans!
11:56 am via Mobile Web · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]

Matthew Williams posted a photo.
December 29, 2010 - 12:34 pm · Like

Matthew Williams tagged Alfred F. Jones and Elizaveta Héderváry in a photo.
December 29, 2010 - 12:34 pm · Comment · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt, Francis B., and Carlos Lopez like this.]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: And the best part is, they had to clean it up! Ludwig’s rules are awesome! Mostly because I helped create them.
12:37 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m glad we decided to wait for the jello to become jello instead of dumping the liquid form on them. Mom wouldn’t have been happy to see the rug stained red.
12:38 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: It would’ve been better if we’d done it outside.
12:39 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: How would we have done that?
12:41 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I dunno. We could’ve thrown it off the roof.
12:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Why didn’t you think of that before?!
12:44 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Not cool, guys. My hair’s stained red in some places!
12:46 pm · Like

Instant Message - December 29, 2010 - 2:10 pm

EpicAmericanHero: Mattie and Gilbert ran off to plot, so now I’m home alone. Oh the things I could do…

EnglishGentleman: You can’t be running out of ideas already.

EpicAmericanHero: Pssh! Of course not! I’m just waiting for Elizaveta to bring over the next part of our plan. It’ll be way better than that stupid childish stuff those two have been doing.

EnglishGentleman: Dare I ask what you’re planning?

EpicAmericanHero: well there’s my hot sauce plan. Mattie can’t handle hot stuff. And since he loves maple syrup so much, I’ve put a bunch of that in one of his old shampoo bottles and replaced it with the one he’s been using. Elizaveta suggested ordering a bunch of pizza to Gilbert’s house, but we might wait on that until tomorrow. I know she always wants to do something involving their facebook accounts.

EnglishGentleman: Remind me to never go against you.

EpicAmericanHero: Don’t worry, if we ever do this around the apartments you can totally be on my team. TEAM AMERICA!

EnglishGentleman: I request a different team name.

EpicAmericanHero: But why?

EnglishGentleman: I’d prefer something more suited to the both of us.

EpicAmericanHero: But that one is!

EpicAmericanHero: Oh fine. How about Team Freedom?

EnglishGentleman: I suppose that’s a little better.

EnglishGentleman: Which plan are you using today?

EpicAmericanHero: You’ll have to wait and see for that one. We’re taking video of it! It’s going to be great!

EnglishGentleman: I will take your word for it. Don’t do anything too horrible to your brother. Remember you’ll be in Canada for another week and then you have to live with him for another semester.

EpicAmericanHero: Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, me and Mattie are cool. This is all for fun!

EpicAmericanHero: My real target is Gilbert.

EnglishGentleman: That’s what I assumed.

EpicAmericanHero: Elizaveta’s here! I’ll talk to you later, okay?

EnglishGentleman: Good luck with whatever you’re planning.

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones posted a video.
December 29, 2010 - 3:25 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones tagged Gilbert Beilschmidt and Matthew Williams in a video.
December 29, 2010 - 3:25 pm · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry likes this.]
Arthur Kirkland: Tell me that’s not what I think it is.
3:38 pm · Like
Faolán Kirkland: Brilliance! Why have we never done that?
3:40 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: Mon dieu, the way it smacked Matthieu in the face… who came up with such a horrific thing?
3:46 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Elizaveta is the genius behind this.
3:48 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I can’t believe you posted this online. Just you wait, Alfred. I won’t forget this.
3:59 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Im Yong Soo: How did you launch them so far? Did you throw them?
4:15 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Nope! Elizaveta created tampon guns!
4:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Matthew Williams to Alfred F. Jones I call a brief truce. Come play baseball with me while Gilbert is at work.
December 29, 2010 - 5:14 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: In the snow?
5:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: No, in the house. Of course in the snow!
5:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: But there’s snow out there! And it’s cold!
5:21 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: it’s the warmest day this week. We don’t have to be out there long.
5:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You sure we can’t play inside?
5:24 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Meet me in the backyard. I’ll bring the baseball bat and ball.
5:26 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones to Ludwig Beilschmidt We need a new rule about only calling a truce when you really need it. Mattie did something evil earlier.
December 29, 2010 - 6:04 pm · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: I’ll update the rules.
6:45 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks.
7:10 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones posted a video.
December 29, 2010 - 7:03 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones tagged Matthew Williams in a video.
December 29, 2010 - 7:03 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Someone can’t handle the hot sauce.
7:04 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Not cool, Al.
7:15 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Call it revenge for the water balloon baseball earlier.
7:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: You put maple syrup in my shampoo!
7:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You stole Texas!
7:37 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: How did I steal a state?
7:38 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Not the state! My glasses!
7:40 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: You named your glasses Texas?
7:41 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Yup. Cool, right? U should name yours too!
7:42 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Not happening. Btw, don’t come downstairs. Me and Gilbert are watching scary movies and you probably couldn’t handle them.
7:44 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Like hell! Make room for me!
7:45 pm · Like

 

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: Why are you watching scary movies with Matthew and Gilbert?
December 29, 2010 - 7:52 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Because I love scary movies. They’re great!
7:54 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: The last time you forced me to watch one with you, you spent the entire movie cowering under a blanket or trying to crawl behind me.
7:55 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I was trying to protect you! Cuz I’m a hero!
7:56 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: It’s just a movie. There’s no need to protect me from it.
7:58 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I just didn’t want you to get scared.
8:00 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: If you say so. Tell me you at least got those two to call a truce for the duration of the movie.
8:03 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Of course I did! I’m not stupid, Artie!
8:04 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I never said you were.
8:07 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Good.
8:08 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Arthur, could you keep talking to me?
8:24 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I suppose I could do that. Is there any reason why?
8:27 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No!
8:28 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: We just haven’t gotten to talk very much today. That’s all. Really.
8:28 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Very well. What do you want to talk about?
8:30 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I dunno. Anything, really. What did u do today? Francis hasn’t been bugging you, has he?
8:31 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I went to the library for a while. And no, Francis hasn’t been “bugging me”.
8:32 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Okay, good. The library? How boring.
8:33 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Would you prefer I go off and do exciting things without you?
8:34 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Well no, but you could do better than the library.
8:35 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’m going to a used bookstore and a tea shop tomorrow.
8:37 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Dude, seriously? You need better hobbies. At least you aren’t knitting or some crap like that.
8:38 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I prefer embroidery.
8:40 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Wow, that’s even more girly than knitting. And I thought Mattie had girly hobbies. At least he plays a sport.
8:41 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’d like to see you attempt to embroider. Lets see how well you do. And for your information, I do play a sport.
8:42 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: No thanks. I’d rather not. And chess doesn’t count as a sport.
8:44 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I wasn’t talking about chess! I play football! Or soccer, as you Americans call it.
8:45 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Oh yeah. I forgot your brothers saying something about that. Why don’t you play on a team?
8:46 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: That’s not something I’m interested in. I find it much more enjoyable to play every now and then with friends.
8:47 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: We should play a game when the snow goes away.
8:48 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I would like that. Unfortunately, I must leave you to your movie. Francis is doing something foolish again and I need to go throw things at him.
8:50 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Okay. Lemme know how that goes.
8:51 pm · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones would like it if Matthew Williams and Gilbert Beilschmidt would stop putting weird things in his bed. :(
December 30, 2010 - 9:34 am · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Like hell! I’ve never seen anything greater than the look on your face when you woke up covered in snakes and spiders!
9:47 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I did warn you not to watch scary movies with us.
9:50 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: What about the sandpaper glued to my sheets?
9:54 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: heh, that was just fucking funny.
9:56 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Alfred, where are my car keys?
10:02 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Wouldn’t you like to know?
10:05 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I would. That’s why I’m asking.
10:06 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I dunno. I haven’t touched them all morning.
10:07 am · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: And they definitely aren’t in that bucket of frozen water on your front porch.
10:09 am · Like
Matthew Williams: I hate you both.
10:10 am · Like

Ludwig Beilschmidt would like to know why his laundry is pink.
December 30, 2010 - 11:28 am · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Wait, so that wasn’t Gilbert’s?
11:41 am via Mobile Web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: No. It wasn’t.
11:43 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Sorry about that.
11:44 am · Like

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Just thought I’d warn you to not pay much attention to facebook today. Me and Lizzy thought of something great.
December 30, 2010 - 12:45 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Take care not to embarrass your brother too much.
12:59 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah yeah I know. Just don’t give away that it’s all a prank, okay?
1:05 pm · Reply
Facebook

Matthew Williams went from being “single” to “in a relationship”
December 30, 2010 - 2:54 pm · Comment · Like

Matthew Williams is in a relationship with Gilbert Beilschmidt
December 30, 2010 - 2:54 pm · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry likes this.]
Francis B.: What is this? This cannot possibly be true!
3:03 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s completely true.
3:10 pm · Like
Ioan Kirkland: Congratulations, Matthew!
3:12 pm · Like
Im Yong Soo: He should visit so you can introduce him to us!
3:15 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: I want pictures!
3:18 pm · Like
Carlos Lopez: As long as you’re happy… if he does anything you don’t like, let me know and I’ll beat him up for you.
3:25 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Thanks, everyone!
3:47 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt went from being “single” to “in a relationship”
December 30, 2010 - 3:00 pm · Comment · Like
[Matthew Williams likes this.]

Gilbert Beilschmidt is in a relationship with Matthew Williams
December 30, 2010 - 3:00 pm · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry likes this.]
Ludwig Beilschmidt: Bruder? What is this?
3:25 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Me and Mattie are in love.
3:27 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Pictures, please!
3:34 pm · Like

Francis B. to Alfred F. Jones You’re being quiet about this whole Gilbert and Matthieu thing. What is going on?
December 30, 2010 - 4:05 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh don’t worry, I’ve got plans to get Gilbert for this. Genius plans.
4:13 pm · Like
Francis B.: Thank god, you had me worried! I wish you luck.
4:15 pm · Like

Elizaveta Héderváry posted a photo
December 30, 2010 - 5:43 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I thought the point was to embarrass the hell out of them, not take pictures of them looking all…couple-y.
5:50 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: But look how cute they are together~ I couldn’t help it!
5:52 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Ugg.
5:52 pm · Like

Matthew Williams went from being “in a relationship” to being “single”
December 30, 2010 - 7:23 pm · Comment · Like

Matthew Williams: I leave the house for a few hours and Alfred F. Jones and Elizaveta Héderváry think that means they can prank me when I’m not even around.
December 30, 2010 - 7:30 pm · Comment · Like
[Alfred F. Jones, Arthur Kirkland, Elizaveta Héderváry, and 4 others like this.]
Francis B.: So it was all a joke? Thank god!
7:39 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You need a better sense of humor, bro.
7:40 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt went from being “in a relationship” to being “single”
December 30, 2010 - 7:26 pm · Comment · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Alfred F. Jones I’m going to get you for this.
December 30, 2010 - 7:28 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I’d like to see you try.
7:41 pm · Like

Ludwig Beilschmidt is calling an end to this stupid prank war before someone gets hurt. Meet up at 9 and I’ll decide who won.
December 30, 2010 - 7:50 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Me and Elizaveta definitely kicked ass!
8:10 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Like hell! Me and Birdie won this! Mattie agrees with me!
8:13 pm · Like

 

Phone call - December 30, 2010 - 9:20 pm

Alfred bounced around the room, laughing giddily as he waited for Arthur to pick up the phone. For once he wasn’t bothered by the ringing, he was far too happy about the way the prank war had gone.
“Arthur!” He yelled into the phone. “Pick up the phoooooone!”
There was a final ring before Arthur picked up. “What is it Alfred? Done playing games with your brother?”
Alfred blinked in surprise. “Huh? Yeah. Ludwig wanted to stop us before we got carried away or something like that. And then he announced that me and Lizzy won! Isn’t that great?!”
“Fantastic,” Arthur replied tersely.
Alfred was silent for a moment, waiting for Arthur to say something more. When he didn’t, his smile faded and he sat down on Matthew’s bed. “Arthur, is something wrong? You’re not talking or yelling at me or anything.”
“I’d be better if I hadn’t spent three hours with a drunk and moping Francis. I may have misjudged how much he likes Matthew.”
“What’s that mean?” Alfred asked, narrowing his eyes. “What’s he want with my brother?”
There was a heavy sigh from Arthur’s end of the line. “It’s nothing. I’m just annoyed that I had to deal with him for so long. Congratulations on your victory.”
“You don’t sound alright,” Alfred remarked. He decided to try lightening the mood a little. “You going through Alfred-withdrawals already?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Is there something you wanted or can I go?”
“I just wanted to talk to you,” Alfred said carefully, remembering what happened the last time they talked on the phone. “We haven’t talked at all the past few days. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. I kind of figured you’d like a day or two or peace and anyway, you’ve got Kiku to talk to when you get lonely. Mattie’s so pissed at me he’s not speaking to me anymore. I guess me and Elizaveta took that facebook thing a little too far.”
“Yes, I imagine you did.” Arthur paused a moment and then began speaking again before Alfred could. “So what are you going to do now?”
“Dunno. Make up with Mattie first. Maybe I’ll watch those movies you got for me, since him and Gilbert keep running off without me. Spend a little time with mom when she gets off work. Stuff like that.”
“That doesn’t sound like you. Whenever I say that I’m going to do things like that, you complain that it’s too boring. What are you really planning?”
Alfred grinned. “Well when you put it like that… I guess I’ll have to find something amazing to do! I bet Mattie has a video game system around here somewhere. I could spend a whole day doing that. Then another day with the movies, eating lots and lots of junk food! Then I could go on a quest to find the greatest hamburgers around here!”
And so Alfred continued, with Arthur interjecting his thoughts every now and then.

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones is having a snowball fight with Mattie, Gilfreak, and Ludwig today!
December 31, 2010 - 10:13 am · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Stop calling me that!
10:34 am · Like

Arthur Kirkland tried an interesting new tea at the tea shop today.
December 31, 2010 - 11:12 am · Comment · Like
Yao Wang: Was it any good?
11:30 am · Like
Arthur Kirkland: It was. Thank you for suggesting it.
11:48 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: A tea shop? How boring.
1:21 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Actually, I think you would like it. They don’t just serve tea. They also have coffee and hot chocolate.
1:43 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Hot chocolate? That sounds so good right now… I’m fucking freezing!
1:50 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones is making s’mores!
December 31, 2010 - 1:18 pm · Comment · Like

 

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: You should be used to it by now. How many times have you gone out to play in the snow with Matthew?
December 31, 2010 - 2:00 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Pssh, way too many. Is the week over yet?
2:01 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Not yet. I’m afraid you have another 7 days left.
2:02 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: 7 days? Dude, don’t say things like that.
2:02 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Yes, 7 days. That’s the number of days in a week, in case you’ve forgotten.
2:03 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I know that! It’s just…let’s call it a week, okay?
2:04 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Does this have to do with one of those ridiculous horror films you force yourself to watch?
2:04 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Maybe
2:05 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I don’t understand why you watch them when you get so terrified by them.
2:06 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: But that’s the point! Even if it’s really scary, you gotta be brave and watch them all the way through!
2:06 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: It sounds like a stupid form of self-torture to me. So, what are you doing today?
2:07 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Dunno. Me and Mattie made up, but he got a call from one of his friends and is out playing hockey now. I didn’t wanna go with him.
2:08 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: That’s probably for the best.
2:08 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah. I still haven’t recovered from the last match we played. So what are you doing?
2:09 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I was planning on working on my embroidery.
2:10 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: You sound like an old lady.
2:10 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: You don’t hear me making fun of your hobbies.
2:11 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Because MY hobbies aren’t lame like yours.
2:12 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Wanker.
2:12 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Aww, c’mon, Artie! You know I didn’t mean it!
2:13 pm · Reply

 

From: Alfred
Message: Happy New Year, Arthur!
January 1, 2011 - 12:00 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Happy New Year, Alfred.
12:00 am · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones HAPPY NEW YEAR!
January 1, 2011 - 10:14 am · Comment · Like
Kiku Honda: Happy New Year, Alfred. Have you made your resolutions?
10:25 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Sure have! I wish I was there to do your crazy Japanese traditions with you. That’d be way more fun than watching Mattie make pancakes right now.
10:26 am via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: It is good to spend time with family. I wish I could have gone home to visit my mother this year.
10:27 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Don’t worry, dude. I’m sure she understands.
10:29 am · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Happy New Year from me and the rest of the family! Except Arthur, who locked himself in his room for some reason.
10:48 am · Like
Im Yong Soo: Happy New Year!
11:29 am · Like
Yao Wang: Happy english new year!
11:56 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks guys!
12:02 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: Next year you and Matthieu simply must spend New Years with me!
12:30 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: We’ll see about that.
12:37 pm via Mobile Web · Like

 

Text Message

From: Scotty
Message: Have you heard from Arthur? We thought he locked himself in his room, but Francis broke in there and he’s not there.
January 1, 2011 - 1:24 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I haven’t heard from him today. I’ll let you know when I do.
1:27 pm · Reply

 

From: Alfred
Message: Hey Artie, where you at?
January 1, 2011 - 1:30 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: It’s where “are” you at.
1:39 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Good to hear you’re alive. You’ve got your bros all worried!
1:42 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Since when have they ever worried about me? They just want to do something horrendous to me.
1:45 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I dunno, Scotty seemed pretty worried to me. And Ioan even called Mattie to see if he knew where you were.
1:46 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: They’re so tenacious when there is something they want. Very well, I’ll call them and let them know I am well.
1:47 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Geez, always so damn proper. You’re drinking tea and reading some old book, aren’t you.
1:48 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: If you must know, that is exactly what I’m doing.
1:48 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: You’re so strange. But that’s cool.
1:50 pm · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones is taking a poll! Which is better: chocolate chip cookies or maple cookies?
January 1, 2011 - 4:14 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Maple cookies are the best!
4:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this.]
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: I like churros!
4:55 pm · Like
Francis B.: Mon ami, that is not a cookie. I prefer cinnamon palmiers myself.
4:57 pm · Like
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: Pastisetts then! They’re very delicious~
5:02 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Stop choosing other types of cookies!
5:04 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Scotty Kirkland: I’m fond of butterscotch.
5:12 pm · Like
Im Yong Soo: Oooo now I want some yakgwa!!
5:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Faolán Kirkland: I’m rather fond of Celtic spiral cookies.
5:23 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You all suck.
5:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I vote Maple cookies!
5:36 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Your vote doesn’t count.
5:38 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: His vote does so count!
5:40 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I’ve never had maple cookies, so I’m afraid I’ll have to go with chocolate chip. Though my real favorite is English tea cookies.
5:45 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Of course it is.
5:59 pm · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: I like Springerle.
6:12 pm · Like
Søren Khøler: If we’re having a contest over the best cookies in the world, then it’s gotta be Danish Cookies!
6:25 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I don’t even know who you are, but that’s not what we’re doing!
6:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Søren’s a family friend.
6:45 pm · Like
Søren Khøler: Oops, I’m gonna vote for Maple!
6:48 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Doesn’t count! Doesn’t count! No fair, Mattie! You can’t get complete strangers to compete!
6:54 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I didn’t ask him to. He did it all on his own. And it does count! He’s not a stranger!
6:58 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Damn!
7:10 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Nikolai Christensen: Don’t encourage Søren, Matthew.
7:12 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Poll over now…
7:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: I would vote for your chocolate chip cookies.
7:45 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks, Kiku.
7:48 pm · Like
Kiku Honda: You’re welcome.
7:50 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones is spending day with mom and Mattie today. And she’s making us leave our phones at home.
January 2, 2011 - 11:20 am · Comment · Like
Scotty Kirkland: I remember when we used to have family time…
12:40 pm · Like
Ioan Kirkland: That was back when Arthur wasn’t a recluse.
12:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: You three do horrible things when we try to have “family night”! That’s why we stopped!
2:11 pm · Like

 

Instant Message - January 1, 2011 - 10:10 pm

EpicAmericanHero: I have no words for today.

EnglishGentleman: I suppose I shouldn’t tell you about the marvelous day I had.

EpicAmericanHero: Nah, go ahead. Maybe it’ll cheer me up.

EnglishGentleman: I’m sure you’ll find it boring, since you usually do, but I spent the day in the city touring museums and various shops. I found a few things you may like.

EpicAmericanHero: Really? Like what?

EnglishGentleman: It was going to be a surprise for when you return, but I suppose I could tell you part of it now. I stumbled across a video game store and, after talking to Kiku for an hour, figured out I’d found a rather nice place. He asked me to take him there on our next free day. I’m hoping to wait for a day when you can join us.

EpicAmericanHero: A video game store!? YES! That’s just the kind of news I need to cheer me up! You’re the best, Artie!

EnglishGentleman: Thank you. I’m glad I helped.

EpicAmericanHero: Now I just gotta get through this hockey game tomorrow and things’ll be great.

EnglishGentleman: I suppose this means another day of you not having your phone?

EpicAmericanHero: Yeah, it really sucks! The only upside is that Mattie’s maple thingys are playing an American team.

EnglishGentleman: Do you know which team?

EpicAmericanHero: Nope! Not a clue! But I’m rooting for the Americans!

EnglishGentleman: I hope you know what you’re doing.

EnglishGentleman: I won’t have my phone on me tomorrow either. My brothers have “convinced” me that we don’t spend enough time together. They decided, on their own, that tomorrow is to be “family day”.

EpicAmericanHero: That sounds way more fun than watching people skate around.

EnglishGentleman: I’d switch with you if I could.

EpicAmericanHero: Ugh. Mattie’s yelling at me to shut down the computer so we can sleep. Talk to you tomorrow night?

EnglishGentleman: Of course.

 

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: So how was the hockey game?
January 2, 2011 - 11:01 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Alfred, are you okay? You never wrote me back last night.
January 3, 2011 - 8:15 am · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: This isn’t funny anymore. Actually, it never was. Write me back when you get this.
5:34 pm · Reply

Facebook

Arthur Kirkland Has anyone heard from Alfred recently?
January 3, 2011 - 8:12 pm · Comment · Like
Francis B.: Is Arthur worried about his little American boyfriend?
8:30 pm · Like
Im Yong Soo: Not since the cookie poll. I haven’t heard from Mattie lately either. Are they okay?
8:42 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: That’s what I’m trying to figure out.
8:47 pm · Like
Kiku Honda: I’ve been trying to reach him all day, but I’ve had no luck.
9:10 pm · Like

Arthur Kirkland to Francis B. Shut up.
January 3, 2011 - 8:45 pm · Like

Text Message

From: Arthur
Message: Alfred Franklin Jones, this had better not be some stupid joke.
January 4, 2011 - 11:40 am · Reply

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones Dear lame ass snowstorm that knocked our power out for THREE FUCKING DAYS: You suck.
January 5, 2011 - 4:15 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: As I remember it, it wasn’t so much lame as it was “terrifying” and “omgsavemeMattie!”
4:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Shut up! I didn’t say that!
4:30 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: You spent half of the time buried in blankets. Then you freaked out on us and nearly killed Ludwig when he came over to check on us.
4:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I thought it was the abominable snowman!
4:35 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: For the last time, there is no such thing! Though it’s good to hear from you. I was worried.
4:37 pm · Like
Scotty Kirkland: Did the power kill your phone too?
4:40 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Nah, I just forgot to charge it and it died. Mattie lost his in the snow. We didn’t go get a new one until today.
4:43 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: The only reason I needed a new one is because you threw my last one OUT THE WINDOW.
4:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Yeah, and I apologized for that like a hundred times!
4:46 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Get off the computer and come help me shovel snow.
4:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Get Gilbert to do it. I like it inside where it’s warm and cozy.
4:50 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: He’s working. Come out here or I’ll come in and get you.
4:53 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Fine. :(

Alfred F. Jones to Arthur Kirkland: 2 more days!!!! :D
January 5, 2011 - 7:10 pm · Like

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Artie, artie! Guess what!
January 5, 2011 - 8:02 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: What is is?
8:10 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: U gotta guess!
8:10 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Can I get a hint?
8:12 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Guess what happens in less than 2 days!
8:13 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: You get to come home. How much sugar have you had today?
8:14 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: None! I’m just so excited to be leaving Canadia at last!
8:15 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: So what are you going to do to celebrate your last day in Canada?
8:16 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Well, mom’s got the day off so we’ll be spending it with her. Gilbert’s probably going to join us. He’s obsessed with my bro. it’s weird.
8:17 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Stop exaggerating things. They’re friends. That means they’re allowed to miss one another when they’re apart.
8:18 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Do you miss me, Artie?
8:18 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’d miss you more if you would stop using that nickname.
8:19 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: U love it.
8:19 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I most certainly do not!
8:19 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Don’t forget to start packing tomorrow. You don’t want to leave anything behind in Canada.
8:20 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I started packing today. Got most of it put up. And I’m sure Mattie will still be packing on the 7th before we leave.
8:21 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: That sounds like something you would do.
8:21 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yeah, I’ll be packing too. So I never got to ask how your “family day” went.
8:22 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Absolutely horribly. Scotty and Faolan got drunk within a half hour and Ioan couldn’t decide whether he wanted to join them or take embarrassing photos. Eventually he settled on both.
8:24 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Yikes. But still, that sounds more fun than hockey with mom and Mattie. They’re insane.
8:25 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.
8:26 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Mom’s a fan of the Montreal team. Mattie likes Toronto’s. And Toronto lost, which prompted mom to make fun of Mattie for it. Mattie wasn’t amused. I’ve never felt more terrified of him.
8:27 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Seriously, Mattie + hockey = dangerous killing machine.
8:27 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Now I know your exaggerating. Matthew has been nothing but quiet and polite in all the time I’ve known him.
8:28 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I know. He hides his craziness well.
8:28 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: Whereas you show yours to the world.
8:29 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: I’m honest about who I am!
8:29 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: I suppose that is one good thing about you.
8:30 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Thanks :)
8:31 pm · Reply

 

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones One last day with mom and then it’s so-long Canadia and hello glorious, beautiful USA!
January 6, 2011 - 9:20 am · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I say that you go back to America and Mattie stays here with me.
12:03 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Like I’d really leave him alone here with you.
12:30 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I’ve known him way longer than you have!
12:37 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: He’s my twin!
12:42 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: That doesn’t mean you know him better than me.
12:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Al, stop arguing with Gil and come eat lunch.
12:47 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: I will make you and Matthew dinner to celebrate your return.
1:32 pm · Like
[Alfred F. Jones likes this.]
Alfred F. Jones: Thanks, Kiku! I can’t wait!
4:13 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones is packing his bags!
January 6, 2011 - 7:31 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I’m surprised you haven’t already done that.
7:46 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I packed a little earlier, but I got distracted. Now I’m packing the rest. I can’t wait to get home!
7:48 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I hope you won’t run into any delays. It’s been snowing here all day.
7:49 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh great, not more snow.
7:50 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: It’s winter. Snow is to be expected.
7:51 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: yeah, I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
7:51 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Has Matthew packed yet?
7:52 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Dunno. I didn’t ask him. He ran off after lunch to spend the rest of the day with Gilbert. Then I had to go grocery shopping with mom. Bagged milk is weird.
7:53 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: At least you found something to do. I stayed inside because of how snowy it is. Unfortunately, my brothers also stayed home.
7:54 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I have never seen so much maple syrup in my life. We bought every bottle in one store, then went to this one little store where mom got a whole crate for us to take with us. I think we’ll be set for the rest of the semester with all of that.
7:55 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Some of it’s for Gilbert.
7:55 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: of course it is.
7:56 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I hate to cut this short, but I promised Kiku I’d help him with a project. I’ll see you tomorrow.
7:57 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Okay. See ya, Artie!
7:58 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones is finally on his way back to the USA! Oh, and Mattie is too.
January 7, 2011 - 2:33 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
[Arthur Kirkland, Francis B., Im Yong Soo, and 7 others like this.]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Booo! Bring Mattie back!
2:35 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I’ll be back before you know it, Gil. It’s just 4 months.
2:36 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Matthew Williams needs to stop texting while he’s driving.
2:37 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Get back in one piece, you two.
2:49 pm · Like

 

Text Message

From: Alfred
Message: Hey, guess what.
January 7, 2011 - 8:43 pm · Reply

From: Arthur
Message: What is it?
8:45 pm · Reply

From: Alfred
Message: Look out your window.
8:46 pm · Reply

Chapter Text

All for the Love of Maple Syrup

Road Trip of Awesome

Gilbert Beilschmidt is going on an awesome road trip with Matthew Williams today!
June 22, 2011 - 7:31 am · Comment · Like

There was nothing Matthew hated more than being awoken by Gilbert’s creepy laugh. Not that he enjoyed being woken up by his best friend on an ordinary day, which usually involved being jumped on by either Gilbert or Ludwig’s dog Aster or being shaken awake. That laugh meant nothing but trouble.

“Go ‘way, Gil…” Matthew mumbled. He pulled the blankets up over his head as he rolled onto his side, determined to go back to sleep. He’d been up late the night before talking to Ivan on the phone.

“C’mon, Mattie! Today’s our trip to New Prussia!” Gilbert announced. “Get up and make me awesome pancakes!”

“Make them yourself,” Matthew mumbled in French.

He heard Gilbert walking around and figured he would get at least a few extra minutes of sleep. He sighed happily and snuggled into his blankets.

Footsteps pounding on the floor were his only warning before he felt himself being crushed beneath the weight of his best friend.

“Gah! Gilbert!” He shrieked in anger. “Get off!”

“Not until you promise to get up and make pancakes!” Gilbert said cheerfully. “You getting up yet?”

“Fuck you, Gilbert!” Matthew responded in French.

Gilbert continued to hold him down, smothering him in the blankets. “English or German, Mattie!”

Matthew ceased struggling, finding it hard to breathe. He was still for a few minutes, hoping to make Gilbert worry enough to get up. When he didn’t move, Matthew grumbled to himself and pushed at the blankets.

“Fine. I’ll make you pancakes. Let me up.”

“Awesome!” Gilbert jumped up and ripped the covers away from Matthew, exposing him to the cool air. “Up, Mattie!”

Matthew rolled out of bed with as little complaint as he could muster. He yawned and ran a hand through his mussed hair, carefully tugging out minor tangles and avoiding the looping curl which hung in front of his eyes.

Gilbert waited patiently, his carmine eyes gleaming in anticipation. He could already taste those delicious, fluffy homemade pancakes smothered in the wonderful sweetness that was maple syrup.

“I’m coming,” Matthew said. “Go wait in the kitchen.” He glanced at the clock and frowned when he saw that it read 8:06 AM. He had another hour before his alarm would have gone off.

“If I leave, you’ll just go back to sleep,” Gilbert said knowingly. “So I’m gonna stay and we’ll go to the kitchen together.”

Matthew grumbled his discontent and grabbed a pair of sweatpants laying on the floor. He pulled them on, ignoring the fact that Gilbert was staring at him. His Maple Leafs hoody was next, just so he’d have something covering his bare chest.

“Pancakes!” Gilbert cheered. He latched onto Matthew’s arm and proceeded to drag him out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen.

Matthew decided there was no point in struggling.

----

Thirty minutes and ten pancakes later, the two were back in Matthew’s room to arrange their emergency bag just in case anything went wrong on their trip. Or rather Matthew was putting together the emergency bag while Gilbert relaxed on the bed and talked.

“This is going to be our most awesome adventure ever!” Gilbert exclaimed. “Y’know why, Mattie?”

“Because it’s New Prussia and anything to do with the great Kingdom of Prussia is awesome,” Matthew murmured under his breath.

“Because anything that has to do with Prussia is automatically awesome!” Gilbert said with a gleeful cackle, clearly not paying attention to Matthew’s words. “I stole Bruder’s camera so we can take plenty of pictures and I can post them on my blog!”

Matthew looked up from the emergency supplies. “You started a blog again, eh?”

“Yup! Gilbird’s helping me.”

The little yellow chick peeked out from Gilbert’s hair with a soft piyo! He looked around and then fluttered over to Matthew’s hair. He quickly settled down, pecking at a few strands to make his space more comfortable.

Matthew continued packing. When Gilbert didn’t start speaking again, he peered up at his friend to see what was wrong. “Y-you’re a little close.” He stammered, startled by how near Gilbert’s face was to his own.

Gilbert backed up with a hissing laugh, clearly delighted by how he’d managed to take his friend by surprise. “Gilbird likes you! That’s so awesome! He hasn’t done that with anyone else.”

“Lucky me,” Matthew murmured, going back to his work. He debated for a moment over whether an entire pack of each kind of batteries was necessary, then decided that since Gilbert was involved it was better to be safe than sorry and carefully arranged them in the bulging bag. “I think I got everything… Do you think I missed anything?”

“Only the rest of your room,” Gilbert teased. “Mattie, we’re only going to be gone a day! I don’t think we need…” He paused to glance into the bag, raising an eyebrow at some of the contents. “Three towels, a zillion packs of batteries, a flashlight, a… is that a second GPS? A road map, a box of pens, emergency road flares, clothing… How did you get my clothes?”

“Ludwig.”

“Damn him.”

Matthew stared at the bag for a moment longer and then zipped it up. He smiled and got to his feet before lifting up the pack to carry it with him. “All I need now is a few water bottles and we’ll be ready to go!”

“We could’ve been ready a half hour ago!” Gilbert whined, getting up to follow his friend.

“If you’re going to complain, you can take this out to the car,” Matthew said, patting the bag as they made their way back downstairs to the kitchen. “I just need a few more things.”

Gilbert scowled. “You don’t. Birdie, if you keep trying to bring stuff with us I’m going to tie you down and toss you in the trunk.”

“We’re not going anywhere until I have my wallet and keys.”

Gilbert perked up at that. If that was all Matthew had left to get, then that meant they were finally leaving! His scowl vanished and was replaced by a grin. He shoved past his friend and grabbed the bag, unable to wait any longer. “I’ll meet you in the car!” He shouted, breaking into a run for the front door.

Matthew laughed at his friend’s antics and walked a little faster, not wanting to leave Gilbert alone in the car for very long. Once he reached the kitchen, he picked up the cooler his mom had packed before she left for work, and then his keys and wallet before following in Gilbert’s wake.

He heard the front door open and Gilbert curse loudly before slamming it shut.

“Gilbert?” Matthew asked, surprised when his friend came running back towards him and nearly knocked him over, unable to stop as quickly as usual thanks to the heavy bag. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Gilbert shook his head, his red eyes wide. “Nothing! Lets go out the back!”

“But the car’s out front!”

“We’ll take Ludwig’s!”

“Gil, we’re not taking the car your brother uses to go to work.”

“He won’t mind.”

“I think he will.”

A knock sounded at the front door, followed by the sound of the doorbell being pressed multiple times in a row. Matthew gave Gilbert a cross look.

“Who is at the door?” Asked the blond.

In response, Gilbert tried to turn his friend around and push him back to the kitchen. “No one! Let’s go!”

Matthew rolled his eyes and moved past Gilbert with an ease he usually only displayed while out on the ice. “If Elizaveta is at the door with a frying pan, I’m going to let her have you. And if she knocks me out on accident, you can say goodbye to this road trip.” Ignoring Gilbert’s warning cry, he pulled open the door and braced himself for the might of their violent female friend.

“Hey, Mattie! Surprised?”

Matthew’s jaw dropped when he came face-to-face with none other than his twin brother, Alfred. He stood there for a moment and then slammed the door shut.

Alfred yelped in surprise. “Matt! Hey, Matthew! Could you open the door? It’s not cool to slam it in someone’s face, y’know!”

There was a moment of silence during which Matthew debated with his conscious over whether or not it was right to leave his twin standing on the porch while he and Gilbert escaped out the back. Looking to Gilbert didn’t help, since his white-haired friend was miming something ridiculous and only succeeded in making him laugh and distracted him from his decision making.

“Matt! I know you’re there!” Alfred shouted through the door. “C’mon, man. Let me in!”

“Don’t do it, Mattie!” Gilbert encouraged. “We can still get away!”

Matthew worried his lower lip.

On the one hand, he really wanted to go on the trip with Gilbert. He had promised his best friend and he hated breaking promises. He knew that if he let Alfred in and his brother found out about their trip, things would go horribly, horribly wrong. (Because that’s what always happened when Gilbert and Alfred got around one another.)

On the other hand, Alfred was his brother and he couldn’t very well just leave him standing on the front porch. Besides, Al would find them anyway. Gilbert wouldn’t be able to stay quiet long enough for them to hijack Ludwig’s car and make their getaway. Not to mention he was rather uncomfortable with the idea of taking the German’s only means of transportation.

“Gilbert…”

“No,” Gilbert said. “Mattie, don’t open the door!”

“I have to. He’s my brother,” Matthew said, sounding defeated. He opened the door for a second time, praying that, for once, the two could behave and not start trouble.

Alfred quickly stepped inside before his twin could slam the door shut in his face again and then dropped his duffel bag on the floor. “Surprise! I thought I’d come early so we’d have more time to hang out and plan our birthday! I was going to leave last week, but then dad got this new video game and I had to stay to kick his ass at it.” He frowned. “I probably should’ve brought it with me… Oh well! So, what’s up, bro?”

“U-um, well--”

“Hey, Beilschmidt!” Alfred exclaimed, catching sight of Gilbert standing in the hall. “You guys goin’ on a trip?”

Gilbert grinned suddenly. “Damn. You caught us. Me and Mattie are running off to elope!”

“What!?” Came two different exclamations.

Gilbert sighed, wiping the grin off his face so he could pull it off convincingly. He dropped the emergency bag on the ground and sauntered over to Matthew, pulling his best friend back against his chest. “Yes, we’re getting married.”

“Gil-”

Gilbert covered Matthew’s mouth with his hand. “Sadly, Mattie here got knocked up, so now we have to go get married.”

Alfred gaped at the two of them and made a strange squeaking noise.

Matthew shoved Gilbert away from him. “I’m a guy!”

Gilbert pulled him right back and nuzzled his neck. “It’s okay, sweetie. I think it’s time we tell him.” He mock sighed. “Matthew is really a Matilda.”

Blushing heavily, Matthew resorted to desperate measures to get his friend off of him and put an end to whatever game he was playing. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drawing on the side of him he only let loose when hockey was involved. Then he quickly drove his elbow back into Gilbert’s diaphragm, taking some pleasure in the pained groan that slipped past the albino’s lips.

“Ignore him, Al,” Matthew said. “Lets go put your stuff in my room and I’ll tell you what we’re really doing.”

“K-killjoy!” Gilbert gasped out.

“Stop calling me a girl,” Matthew said simply, leading his brother away from the front door.

----

Twenty minutes later, Gilbert and Matthew were finally in the car and leaving the driveway. Gilbert sat in the passenger’s seat, trying to find a decent channel on the radio while complaining about the lack of a CD player.

“What the hell kind of car doesn’t have a CD player? Shit, Birdie, you can buy the things and have them installed! It’s not like you have to go get a whole new car!”

Gilbird cheeped his agreement from atop Gilbert’s head.

Matthew sighed. He’d heard it all before. As in, every single time Gilbert got into his car. Thankfully, he’d become rather good at ignoring it.

“What’s a cassette player?” Alfred asked, interrupting Gilbert’s tirade.

Matthew groaned and Gilbert turned around to look at the other blond incredulously. They were in for a very long trip.

----

Alfred F. Jones is going on a trip!
June 22, 2011 - 10:01 am via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Dislike.
10:08 am via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I thought you were already on your way to Canada? Are you still not there?
10:10 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: In Canada. Going on a trip with Mattie and Gilbert.
10:23 am via Mobile Web · Like

----

“I’m hungry.”

“Shut up, Al.”

“Are we there yet?”

“No.”

“Can we stop at McDonald’s?”

“No.”

“Are we there now?”

“No! Now shut the fuck up!” Matthew yelled, glaring at his brother using the rearview mirror.

Alfred was stunned into silence.

Gilbert laughed loudly and congratulated Matthew on raising his voice while the wavy-haired blond slumped in his seat and turned his attention back to the road, a faint blush of embarrassment colouring his cheeks.

----

Gilbert Beilschmidt Matthew’s brother is ruining the awesome road trip!
June 22, 2011 - 10:46 am via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
[Alfred F. Jones likes this]
Elizaveta Héderváry: So why did you take him with you?
10:50 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Mattie doesn’t trust him alone in the house.
10:51 am via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Damn, he just convinced Birdie to stop at McDonald’s for lunch. This sucks.
10:53 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: ha ha!
10:54 am via Mobile Web · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Aww, he could’ve hung out with me for the day. :(
10:59 am · Like

----

Matthew poked at the remaining half of his chicken sandwich, cautiously raising his eyes to watch his brother and Gilbert fight with each other. Discarded hamburger wrappers littered the table and a half-empty milkshake was sweating water, left behind by the “awesome” duo.

“You two are ridiculous,” he mumbled quietly.

As McDonald’s staff moved to kick the two out of the children’s play area, Matthew let an amused smile spread across his face. There was just something funny about two grown men throwing brightly coloured balls at each other.

“Piyo!” Gilbird chirped before fluttering down to peck at Matthew’s abandoned sandwich.

Not feeling up to finishing a second sandwich, Matthew took pity on the bird and broke off tiny pieces of the bun. Once he was finished, he looked up to see that Alfred and Gilbert had been effectively booted outside. He smirked and waved to them.

Three minutes later, after Gilbert plastered himself to the window and made lewd gestures to him while Alfred danced and did pelvic thrusts in the background, he found himself being kindly “asked” to leave the restaurant by the manager.

“This is why we can’t go anywhere nice,” Matthew informed the two as they walked to the car.

“Oh Birdie,” Gilbert sang, wrapping an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “Why go someplace nice when you can go to awesome places!” He laughed that strange hissing laugh of his and ruffled Matthew’s hair before breaking away to shove Alfred away from the passenger’s seat.

As Matthew watched the two scuffle in the middle of the parking lot over who was more deserving of the seat, he wondered if it was possible for them to get through the trip without getting arrested.

----

Matthew Williams really hates life right now.
June 22, 2011 - 12:11 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Francis B.: What’s wrong, cher?
12:47 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Nothing. It’s fine now.
1:14 pm via Mobile Web · Like

----

“So.”

Matthew glanced up as Alfred took a seat next to him in the grass. He said nothing, knowing it wouldn’t matter and that his brother would continue talking when he wanted to. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to the conversation that he knew was coming and would really rather not prod Alfred into speaking sooner.

“How did we run out of gas?”

And there it was.

Matthew sighed. “My gas gauge is broken. I thought for sure we’d make it to the next town.”

“Your car sucks,” Alfred informed him.

Matthew cast an annoyed look at his brother, not feeling up to arguing with him. “She does not. She’s just old and needs a little extra care.”

For once, Alfred seemed to be able to read the atmosphere and shut up about Matthew’s car. However, his silence didn’t last long and he was soon talking about whatever came to mind. Namely, the things that had happened during their trip so far.

There was a reason it was taking them so long to reach their destination.

First there was their stop at McDonald’s for lunch. What they had meant to be no more than a twenty minute break had turned into an hour of goofing off before finally getting kicked out. Then there was the bear in the middle of the road, which Matthew insisted they couldn‘t drive around and so they sat there for a half hour watching it play with a fish. Then Matthew’s panic attack when he thought he ran over a rabbit, which was quickly followed by Alfred freaking out when he finally made out what his brother was crying about. (Gilbert was never going to let them live it down.) And finally was the event which led them to sitting in the grass on the side of the road while Gilbert ran off to find the nearest gas station with the help of Gilbird.

“…and what’s the deal with this ‘new prussia’ thing anyway?” Alfred asked. “What’s so special about it?”

“To Gilbert, it’s very special,” Matthew said. “But then, anything that has to do with Prussia is automatically awesome to him. I imagine that all we’ll really do is watch Gil roll around in the grass and then go find the nearest town for food and whatever souvenir he decides to buy.” He sighed lightly and angled his head so he could stare up at the sky. Puffy white clouds greeted his vision, floating lazily about against their blue background. “Toronto’s an hour or so away. I kind of want to drive out there. I haven’t been since winter break.”

“Was that where we went for the hockey game?”

Matthew nodded.

“Cool.” Alfred was silent for a moment. A very, very brief moment. “So what’s a prussia?”

Matthew’s gaze snapped to his twin, his mouth hanging open, horror shining in his eyes. Slowly, he gripped Alfred’s shoulders, making him look him in the eyes and (hopefully) understand just how serious his question was. “Please, Al, never say that around Gilbert. Ever. I’m serious.”

Alfred looked back at him in confusion. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. But really, bro. I’ve never heard of this prussia thingy before.”

Matthew released Alfred’s shoulders and closed his eyes, murmuring a brief prayer in French before he dared to explain to his brother. “Prussia was once a Germanic kingdom. It was dissolved after the Second World War by the Allied Control Council. To be more precise, it was dissolved on February twenty-fifth, which is also Gilbert’s birthday.”

Alfred sniggered. “Dude.”

“Don’t,” Matthew warned. “I mean it. Just don’t mention it at all.”

“Not what I meant,” Alfred said. He caught a knowing look from Matthew and couldn’t help but give an ashamed grin. “Okay, I meant it a little. Or a lot. Ah, whatever. This trip is lame.”

“Your face is lame!”

Matthew groaned at the yell from his best friend. “You’re both lame,” he muttered in French.

At least Gilbert was back with a filled gas can, which meant they would soon be on their way to a station to fuel up. That meant, in turn, they would very soon be arriving in New Prussia and the nightmarish road trip could start winding to an end.

----

Alfred F. Jones On the road again~!
June 22, 2011 - 1:21 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Just can’t wait to get back on the road again~
1:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: How lame are we?
1:24 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I think the better question is “why the fuck are you letting Gilbert drive?”
1:26 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: because I’m tired and there’s no way I’m letting you touch my baby.
1:27 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh, but Gilfreak can? What is he, your daddy’s baby or something?
1:27 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Don’t be stupid.
1:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: thought we’d already talked about this. Mattie’s actually a chick ‘n we’re getting married cuz of the baby.
1:30 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: EYES ON THE ROAD, Gilbert!
1:32 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Shit, way to yell in my ear, bro.
1:33 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t converse with each other using the internet when you are sitting right beside each other?
1:39 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I think you’ve been spending too much time with Artie, Kiku. You’re starting to sound like him. Only with a jap. accent instead of an english one
1:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: Arthur-san has been helping me with my English.
1:44 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I’m so sorry.
1:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like

--

Alfred F. Jones to Matthew Williams: Dude. WTF. Really?
June 22, 2011 - 2:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I told you.
2:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like

----

Watching Gilbert roll around in the grass was probably the single most hilarious thing of the day. It even topped the “Play Area Incident”, as they were calling it. Alfred was running around, laughing obnoxiously and snapping pictures of the albino in all directions. Matthew had long since sat down in the grass, unable to stand from laughing so hard.

To top it off, there were about twenty little yellow birds were fluttering around Gilbert and landing on him whenever he paused for a moment. Gilbird was somewhere amongst the flock, probably tweeting loudly.

“Birdie! Hey, Birdie!”

It took Matthew a minute or so to figure out that Gilbert was shouting at him, staring at him with a familiar shit-eating grin. He fought not to smile back. “What?”

“Come roll around with me,” Gilbert requested.

Matthew snorted and shook his head. “Not happening.” Especially not with Alfred and his trigger finger on the loose.

“But Maaaattiieeee~” Gilbert cajoled, dragging out his friend’s nickname. “You need to come soak up the awesome with me!”

“Ludwig’s going to be pissed about those grass stains,” Matthew replied.

“Well Luddy can get a boyfriend and suck it.”

Matthew choked back laughter, but Alfred let it burst free without trouble.

Gilbert’s grin grew broader. “Oh damn, I didn’t tell you about that, did I? About that thing I found out about West.”

Curiosity piqued, Matthew’s laughter faded. “What thing? Is something wrong with Ludwig?”

“Nope!” Gilbert laughed. “And I’m not telling you until you come soak up the awesome with me!”

Matthew considered it for a moment. He really did. Then he decided it wasn’t worth permanently staining his clothing with streaks of green and shook his head. Gilbert would eventually tell him. Or else he could go to Elizaveta, who knew everything and more about what went on in the life of Gilbert. (If he stopped to think about it, it was kind of creepy how much she knew.)

“Fine, suffer from not knowing!” Gilbert yelled.

“I will!” Matthew yelled back.

Alfred flopped down in the grass and watched them bicker back and forth, for once staying silent. He quickly grew bored and began texting someone on his phone - probably Arthur or Kiku.

Unfortunately, Gilbert was just as fast at switching between being ‘entertained’ and ‘bored’ and he was soon on his feet advancing towards Matthew, who quickly scrambled to his feet, not liking the devious expression on his friend’s face.

“G-Gil, what are you doing?” Matthew stammered, slowly backing away from him.

“Making you enjoy the awesome with me!”

Gilbert lunged.

Matthew shrieked and dodged.

Alfred laughed at the spectacle they made.

In the end, Gilbert succeeded in his quest and tackled Matthew onto the grass, accidentally knocking his glasses off. The blond cursed mildly, feeling small pebbles and twigs dig into his back. He tried to shove Gilbert away, but found his arms and legs pinned.

“I win, Mattie,” Gilbert gleefully whispered in his ear.

Alfred’s loud laughter shattered through their bubble. “You guys are so gay!”

One pair of red eyes and a pair of violet snapped to the American. Without a word, Gilbert got off of Matthew and helped him up. After Matthew retrieved his glasses, the two shook hands and then started for Alfred, who yelped in surprise and dropped his phone before rolling to his feet.

“Two against one isn’t fair!” He protested.

“I dunno, I think it’s plenty fair,” Matthew said. “What do you think, Gil?”

“Completely,” Gilbert agreed with a smirk.

Alfred screamed like a little girl and ran.

----

Matthew Williams posted a video.
June 22, 2011 - 2:43 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Matthew Williams tagged Alfred F. Jones and Gilbert Beilschmidt in a video.
June 22, 2011 - 2:43 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
[Ivan Braginski, Francis B., Im Yong Soo, and 5 others like this]
Ivan Braginski: I would very much like a copy of this video, Matvey.
2:56 pm · Like
Arthur Kirkland: So this is why he stopped texting me so suddenly…
2:58 pm · Like
Im Yong Soo: My favorite part is when the albino guy finally tackles Alfred to the ground!
3:12 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: I’m rather fond of the girlish scream he made when Matvey joined in the chase.
3:30 pm · Like
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: What are those yellow things chasing Gilbert?
4:47 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: They were birds.
9:22 pm · Like

----

“We’re not bringing it home with us.”

“Yes we are.”

“No, we’re not.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes!”

“No!”

Alfred rolled his eyes. “And you say me and Artie are bad. Jeez, Mattie, just let him bring the stupid bird with us.”

Gilbert smirked triumphantly as Gilbird and a second bird landed in his hair. “See, Al says we can bring Matbird come with us.”

“We are not calling him that,” Matthew said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And since when does anything that Alfred says matter?”

“Hey!”

“Matbird’s a she, not a he,” Gilbert happily informed him.

Matthew scowled. “I hate you.”

Gilbert laughed and swung an arm around Matthew’s shoulders. “You love me and all my awesome glory!”

Matthew didn’t bother trying to shove his friend away. “I hate you.”

“You loooove me~” Gilbert sang.

“Hate.”

“Love!”

“Hate!”

Alfred mimed gagging as they continued on in that manner. “Oh god, just kiss or fuck or whatever already! Get a room!” He shut his mouth when the two glared at him.

“Name it Albird,” Matthew requested.

Gilbert crinkled his nose. “What? And force Gilbird to be the daddy of little Albird babies? No thanks.”

Matthew nodded in understanding. “That’s true. We don’t need little retarded Albirds flying around. How about Lizzybird?”

They both ignored Alfred’s whine of complaint.

“And have Veta murder me? No thanks,” Gilbert replied. “I still like Matbird. Just think about it! Cute little, not-retarded, awesome birdies flying around being all cute and adorable!”

“I don’t want to think about it,” Matthew replied, trying to hide his smile and act like he was cross with his friend. It wasn’t working out very well. “Why are you trying to name it after me?”

Gilbert avoided the question with a grin and a comment of: “Maybe I’ll name it Birtilda.”

Matthew promptly elbowed him in the ribs.

----

Matthew Williams to Ludwig Beilschmidt Your brother is bringing home another bird.
June 22, 2011 - 3:10 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Ludwig Beilschmidt to Gilbert Beilschmidt Don’t bring another one home.
June 22, 2011 - 3:38 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I’m not leaving Birtilda behind! She’s going to be Gilbird’s awesome bride and mother of his awesomely adorable children!
3:43 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: I don’t know where you get your crazy ideas, Bruder.
3:44 pm · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: Birtilda?
3:44 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I was going to name her Matbird, but Mattie didn’t like that.
3:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones is finally leaving New Prussia!
June 22, 2011 - 3:55 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: DISLIKE! :(
3:56 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You suck, Gilfreak.
3:59 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Ha ha ha! Victory belongs to the awesome me!
4:00 pm via Mobile Web · Like

----

Alfred sulked as they walked into the small shop. Of all the things they had to drive past on their way out, it was a gift shop dedicated to all things Prussian. Just when he thought they would be going home at last!

He was so tired of cars and driving.

“You suck, Mattie,” he muttered to his twin, who was walking right beside him and doing his best to pretend they weren’t friends with Gilbert, who was squealing over some black and white flag on the wall.

“It’s either this or listen to him complain about it the entire way home,” Matthew informed him.

“Yeah, now we just have to hear him babble over whatever he ends up buying,” Alfred said in a snarky tone.

Noticing that his friend looked as though he was ready to pull the flag down from the wall and hug it and never let go, Matthew didn’t give his brother an answer and instead hurried over to Gilbert to try and prevent total chaos.

Alfred left them alone, wanting just a little time to himself. Not for the first time that day he wondered why it had seemed like such a great idea to tag along with his brother’s road trip. Okay, part of it had been so he could spend time with his twin and annoy Gilbert at the same time, but he had all summer to do that. He was tired, hungry (despite having just eaten), and just wanted to get back to Canadian home and give mom a big hug.

He wandered through the shelves, not caring much for the various knickknacks. Then he came across a set of shelves with themes from all around the world. He grinned at the American shelf, with it’s brightly colored flag and huge glass hamburger and milkshake. He spotted a fake bottle of coke and other various odds and ends.

He moved on, not paying much attention to the others. He chuckled at the Canadian shelf and made a mental note to show it to Matthew before they left.

Alfred resisted the urge to flick the Eiffel Tower in France’s shelf, quickly moving on and trying not to think about the perverted landlord back in America.

It wasn’t long before he came across the United Kingdom. Immediately his thoughts went to his crabby British friend who couldn’t cook worth shit but could certainly make an amazing cup of tea. (Not that he would ever say such a thing out loud. He had his dignity as a lover of coffee!)

Alfred grinned at the miniature plate of scones. (“So that’s what they’re supposed to look like.”) He was much more interested in the second shelf of English stuff. It was a tea set. A rather simple one with two cups, a teapot, and two extra bowls for cream and sugar, as well as two tiny silver spoons.

When he picked up one of the cups to get a better look, he knew he wouldn’t be leaving the shop empty handed. While the outside of the cups was a simple cream color with pretty blue and red flowers, the inside was painted to look like the Union Jack.

Teasing be damned, he was buying it.

----

Matthew Williams to Ludwig Beilschmidt I’m sorry. I tried to stop him.
June 22, 2011 - 4:43 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: Is this about the birds?
4:58 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I wish it was. Gilbert found a store dedicated to all things Prussian.
5:02 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: Vater will not be pleased about this.
5:03 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: On one hand, I was able to stop him from buying a giant Prussian eagle statue. And that set of plates. And the cups. Though he did get a coffee mug.
5:04 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: Thank you for trying. I know how difficult Bruder can be.
5:05 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: What’s that supposed to mean?!
5:10 pm via Mobile Web · Like

----

“Birdie, am I difficult?” Gilbert asked as Matthew evicted him from the driver’s seat about halfway home from their brief venture in Toronto.

Alfred had long since passed out in the backseat. Gilbert was amazed the American didn’t snore like he imagined, since all he could hear was soft breathing and occasional mumbling during the pause between songs on the radio. He was glad for the quiet. It meant he could talk to his Birdie in peace without dealing with the American’s comments.

“Eh?” Matthew questioned as he buckled his seatbelt. “What do you mean?”

“West says I’m difficult. Am I?” Gilbert demanded.

Matthew hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to say. Gilbert was many things, but he wasn’t sure “difficult” was the best way to sum it up. He was… He was just Gilbert. That was the only way to explain it. But he knew his friend wouldn’t accept that..

“I guess… you can be difficult at times,” Matthew said unsurely. He caught sight of Gilbert’s scowl and quickly added to his statement. “Y-you’re stubborn and once you decide you want to do something you won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. You won’t accept defeat, even when you know there’s no way you can win. Like when Elizaveta chases you with her frying pan for doing something she deems inappropriate. You do it anyway, even though you know what’s going to happen. A-and with me too! You break into my room at night and rearrange my furniture and leave behind strange things! Then you come barging through the front door in the morning and demand pancakes, no matter how late you made me stay up that night! And-”

“Mattie!” Gilbert interrupted. “Okay, I get it! I’m fucking difficult!”

Matthew shook his head. “No, you’re not. Not always. You’re always there to help out Ludwig when he needs it. You’ve gotten Lizzy out of tough situations with some of the jerks at school and acted like it was no big deal. You’ve cheered at all of my hockey games and threatened to beat up the guy who checked me into the wall and broke my nose.”

Gilbert felt warm as Matthew listed all of the nice things he’d done over the years. He didn’t dare interrupt his friend that time, instead letting the sincere compliments wash over him.

“…and though you can be absolutely frustrating sometimes, there’s really only one word that sums you up perfectly,” Matthew said. “Want to know what it is?”

Gilbert nodded. “Yeah. You gonna tell me?”

Matthew smirked and turned the key in the ignition. “No. I don’t think I will.”

Gilbert’s jaw dropped. “Mattie! No fair! Tell me!”

“You’re awesome, Gil,” Matthew said with a laugh.

----

Katherine Williams posted a video.
June 22, 2011 - 9:24 pm · Like

Katherine Williams tagged Gilbert Beilschmidt, Matthew Williams and Alfred F. Jones in a video.
June 22, 2011 - 9:24 pm · Comment · Like
[Elizaveta Héderváry likes this.]

----

“Careful, Gil.”

“Yeah, yeah. I doubt a little bump on the head could do much more brain damage.”

“I’m pretty sure he needs all of the brain cells he has left. Don’t drop him!”

“Kesesesesese!”

Mrs. Williams giggled behind her hand as she watched Gilbert struggle to hold onto the slumbering form of Alfred while Matthew fretted over them between unloading the car. Her boys were so sweet! She had imagined needing to call Ludwig to get Alfred out of the car and into the house. That poor boy could sleep through anything…

She turned away from the partially open window, ignoring the curses in French that spilled from her darling Matthew’s lips. She quickly checked the video camera to make sure it was still rolling and focused on the three of them.

How could she possibly pass up the chance to get all three of her boys on video without them knowing?

Chapter Text

Birthday Bash part 1

“Mattie! Mattie!”

Matthew grumpily turned to look at his brother. It was far too early in the morning for anyone to be so cheerful, especially after an all-day road trip. Albeit, it probably helped that Alfred had fallen asleep on the way home and didn’t stir when they lugged him into the house. Matthew, on the other hand, had stayed up for several more hours talking to Gilbert and correcting his stories about their trip.

“What, Al?” He asked as he expertly flipped a pancake.

“There are only eleven days until our birthday!” Alfred cheered. “We need to start planning! I was thinking that we should do a cookout! You’ve got a grill, right? Though we might need about five…”

Though his mind was addled with sleep, Matthew knew very well just how many days it was until his birthday. Either Alfred was stuck three days in the past or Matthew was a couple days ahead. He was betting on the former.

“It’s eight,” Matthew interrupted Alfred’s rambling about how many hamburgers he could eat at one time. When Alfred stopped talking and stared at him in confusion, he elaborated. “Our birthday is in eight days, not eleven.”

Alfred frowned. “No it’s not. I counted this morning! It’s eleven days until the fourth of July!”

“The fourth?” Matthew repeated, ignoring his pancake completely so he could focus on what his twin was saying. “What are you talking about? Our birthday is on the first.”

“What? No! July fourth! Y’know, Independence Day!” Alfred said.

Matthew shook his head. “Our birthday is July first, which is Canada Day.”

“Fourth!” Alfred countered.

“First,” replied Matthew, narrowing his violet eyes.

“Fourth!”

“First!”

“Mom!” Alfred raised his voice so he could be heard throughout the rest of the house. “Tell Matt our birthday’s on July fourth!”

Ms. Katherine Williams soon stepped into the kitchen, her light blue eyes curiously scanning over her sons. With her wavy blonde hair unbound to fall freely to her shoulders, the likeness between her and Matthew was even more startling than normal.

“What are you two yelling about?” She asked.

Alfred darted over to her and tugged on her shirt, much like a young child would. “Mom, tell Mattie our birthday is July fourth!”

Ms. Williams frowned. “Who told you that, Alfred?”

“Dad!”

Matthew grinned smugly. He loved proving Alfred wrong. Not that it was a very difficult thing to do. “Our birthday is on the first, right?”

Ms. Williams said nothing for a moment, humming instead. “Well, yours is on the first, Matthew. But Alfred’s is on the second.”

“WHAT!?”

“Matthew was born on the first, just before midnight, but Alfred was born after midnight,” Ms. Williams explained. “I suppose your father decided that since America’s independence day was so close to your birthday it would just be better to celebrate on the fourth.” She smiled softly. “It’s not the craziest idea the man has ever had. In fact, compared to some of his others, that was actually a good idea.” Her eyes took on a far-away gleam as she stared off into space, dreaming of the past.

“But it’s a lie!” Alfred protested. “My whole life… I can’t believe this! I always thought it was totally awesome that I was born on the Fourth of July!” He sank to his knees dramatically.

Matthew rolled his eyes at his brother’s theatrics and turned back to his pancakes. His family was so weird.

-.-.-

His family may have been weird, but his best friends were even weirder. Matthew sighed as he watched Gilbert run through the yard, using his brand new Prussian flag as a cape, while Elizaveta chased after him wielding her weapon of choice; a frying pan.

It’d been two days since Alfred’s discovery of his true birthday and he was still moaning about it every chance he got. Arthur had hung up on him five times that morning alone and Matthew knew for certain that if Kiku wasn’t the most polite person on the face of the planet, he wouldn’t have let Alfred ramble on for nearly as long as he had the tendency to do.

As pleased as Matthew was to find out that he was the older twin (as Alfred had always loudly proclaimed that he was the oldest) he was about ready to tie up Alfred and lock him away until their extended family began to arrive. Thankfully, Elizaveta and Gilbert had both noticed his foul mood and decided they were overdue for a day out.

It was too bad the two couldn’t agree on anything.

Matthew sighed and laid back in the grass to stare up at the blue sky. The hot summer sun beat down on him, prickling his skin with warmth and he wondered idly if Gilbert was right to force him to wear sunscreen that day. His thoughts soon drifted back to his twin, who had announced his intentions to sit in front of the television all day with his headset and video games, most likely talking to Kiku.

He hoped his birthday would pass without anyone dying. It was odd to think of it as his and Al’s birthday, though he supposed he better get used to it.
‘Our first year together… Odd, how many times I’ve wished to have brother to talk to and hang out with. Now I’ve got one and can’t wait to get away from him after just a few days.’ Matthew’s brows furrowed in sadness. ‘Is this how it will always be?’

His phone began to vibrate in his pocket and he quickly fished it out and held it to his ear. “Hello?”

“I heard you’re throwing a large birthday party this year. I suppose this means our usual adventure is cancelled.”

Matthew sat up quickly, his violet eyes wide. “Lars?”

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line. “Of course. Who else would it be?”

“I’m sorry!” Matthew quickly blurted out. “I-I thought you were mom. She’s been freaking out the past few days since dad said he was coming up later than he originally planned and she still hasn’t heard back from one of our cousins so she keeps calling me and asking if I’ve heard from them yet!”

“Sounds like you’re just as stressed as her. Need something to take the edge off?”

Matthew hesitated, raising his gaze to Elizaveta and Gilbert, who were rolling around in the grass. The tomboyish girl was ripping up clumps of dirt and grass and rubbing them in Gilbert’s face while he did everything he could to shove her away aside from blatant groping of her chest. (But only because if he dared to touch her there, he was a dead man.) “I would like that…but Gil and Veta might really murder each other if I leave them alone this time. How about tomorrow?”

“I’ve got work. And Laura’s forcing me to clean.”

Matthew could picture the expression of disgust on his friend’s face just by the tone he used. “Damn. Dad comes in the day after tomorrow and then my cousins are coming in two days after that.”

“Tell you what, Laura won’t make me clean if you ‘happen’ to drop by tomorrow. Just come by around five, that’ll give me about an hour of pretending to clean, and she ought to be fine with me leaving,” Lars said.

“I don’t know,” Matthew said, worry filling his voice. “Laura’s pretty smart. She’ll probably figure it out. I need a good excuse for being over there.”

“Create some invitations to your party or something,” suggested Lars. “That’ll be good enough for her. We are invited, right?”

Matthew laughed, attracting the attention of his fighting friends. “Of course you are!” His smile slipped away as Gilbert and Elizaveta began to approach him, their clothes rumpled and dirty from their roughhousing. “I just hope I don’t snap before then…”

“Yeah? Just promise me that if you do snap, you go for Beilschmidt first. With a hockey stick.”

“In the kitchen?” Matthew asked with a grin, remembering a rather memorable game of Clue he and Lars had played.

Lars laughed. “Yeah, then you stuff him in the walls of your attic.”

“But I don’t even have an attic!”

There was a moment of silence and then they both started laughing.

“See you tomorrow, Matt. Don’t be late.”

“I won’t,” Matthew promised with a grin. Feeling much better than he did before, he hung up and directed his attention to Elizaveta and Gilbert. Neither of them questioned him about who he was talking to, though he could tell Gilbert wanted to.

“We decided that we’ll go see a movie and then go to lunch,” Elizaveta said. “Where we go is up to you.”

“So long as it isn’t romantic shit,” Gilbert cut in, only to wince as the Hungarian girl elbowed him in the side. “Ow, Veta! That hurt!”

Matthew laughed and stood up, squeezing between the two of them so he could attempt to keep them from murdering each other. “No romance movies, I promise,” he said. “I’m sure we can find something awesome to watch.”

Gilbert cheered and swung an arm around Matthew’s shoulders. “I knew there was a reason I keep you around!”
Elizaveta rolled her eyes at the two of them and fell back as they started walking to Matthew’s old car. She watched them carefully, a small smile on her face as she noticed how close they were to each other.

They’d always been close. Closer than most people. Sometimes she felt envious of their friendship, though lately she’d been more and more appreciative of it. After all, she got some excellent pictures of them to share with the other girls.

With a giggle, Elizaveta took out her phone and snapped a quick photo.

-.-.-

The day the cousin’s arrived was a hectic one. Ms. Williams ran around in a panic, trying to keep track of who was arriving when. Mr. Jones, who had arrived several days prior, sat back and laughed when he was taking a break from figuring out how much food they would need and where all of Alfred and Matthew’s friends would be staying. Alfred had suggested they shove all of the furniture in the living room against the wall and camp out there, but Matthew refused, knowing his twin had probably invited more than five people.

“Matthew, you and Alfred need to go pick up your cousins!” Ms. Williams said as she rushed into the kitchen.

The two looked up from their lunch of pancakes.

“Jack and Wy are waiting on Kiwi and they’re renting a car so they don’t have to rely on me when they want to get away,” Matthew explained. “And Gilbert will be over in five minutes. Elizaveta will be here around three once she gets off work.”

“What about Nikolai and Isak?” Ms. Williams asked.

“Who?” Alfred asked.

Matthew ignored him. “They get in at five. Timo volunteered to pick them up, since he works near the airport. I hope Soren doesn’t freak him out too badly.”

Ms. Williams looked at her son in surprise. “Soren’s coming with them? I didn’t know that!”

“Who are you talking about?” Alfred asked again.

“Mom, Soren always visits with them,” Matthew reminded her. “Don’t worry, he’ll stay in the spare room with Nikolai and Isak, just like always. It won’t be a problem to fit him in.”

His words helped his mom relax a little, but it wasn’t enough for her to sit down and relax. She began to pace back and forth, muttering under her breath.

“The awesome me has arrived!” Gilbert announced, throwing open the door. “Are those pancakes? Sweet!” Like usual, he grabbed a plate and helped himself to the stack of pancakes next to the stove. After sitting down, swiping Matthew’s maple syrup to squeeze the bottle all over his food, and taking a bite and moaning over the deliciousness, he finally noticed how stressed everyone was.

“Hey, Mattie,” he said, poking his friend with the rounded end of his fork. “What’s going on? Are your wacko cousins from the European north not coming this year or something?”

Matthew shook his head. “No, nothing like that. Mom just forgot that Soren’s coming ith them.”

“He is coming, right?” Gilbert asked, poking him again.

“Of course. Didn’t I just say he was? And give me that!” Matthew snatched away the fork and proceeded to jab at his friend with the pointed end.

Gilbert laughed and used his butter knife to combat the attack.

“So who’s this ‘Soren’ guy?” Alfred asked his mom, since his twin was too busy.

“He’s Nikolai’s best friend,” explained Ms. Williams. “Nikolai and his younger brother are my nephews. They’ve always come to Matthew’s birthday parties. As have Jack and Kiwi. Little Sheila just started coming last year.”

“Sheila? Oh, you mean Wy, Jack’s brat of a little sister,” Alfred remembered. “So how come Mattie knows both sides of the family and I don’t? That’s no fair!”

Mr. Jones chuckled. “Your mother’s family was never very fond of me. Mine, on the other hand, loved her from the minute I introduced her. They’ve always thought it was a pity that we broke up.”

“Except your mother,” said Ms. Williams. “She always hated me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Mr. Jones said.

Alfred quickly swallowed his food. “Sure she does, pop! Just the other week she was saying—”

“Alfred,” Mr. Jones interrupted, giving his son a hard look. “Why don’t you help me go over plans for the cookout?”

Alfred instantly brightened and shoveled the last few bits of pancake into his mouth. He quickly downed his milk and gave Matthew a thumbs up in thanks for the good food before following his dad outside to check out the set-up.

Ms. Williams sighed and sat down at long last, deciding it wouldn’t be too terrible to take a brief break. She watched as Gilbert disarmed Matthew, reclaiming his fork so he could continue eating. She smiled fondly as her son sulked over his loss before remembering there was still so much more she needed to do.

“When are your new friends coming up?” She asked.

Matthew shrugged as he took a sip of milk. “Some time tomorrow, I think. I’ll give Arthur a call and see what time he wants to leave to drive up here. I figure I’ll add an hour or so onto that time and then include how long the drive is. Ivan and Katyusha were originally planning on driving up tonight, but they may have pushed it back until tomorrow.”

Gilbert scowled. “I can’t believe you invited him.”

“He’s my friend,” Matthew said with an edge of warning to his tone. “I don’t know why you and Al have such a problem with him. He’s perfectly nice.”

“Maybe to you and all the girls. Heh, then again, you pretty much are a girl,” teased Gilbert.

Matthew narrowed his eyes. “Remember what happened the last time you called me a girl?”

Gilbert gulped. “Okay, okay, you’re not a chick!” He turned his head and lowered his voice before speaking again. “You just act like one someti—OW! Matt!”

“Stop calling me a girl!”

-.-.-

By the time three-thirty rolled around, Alfred was thoroughly engrossed in kicking Gilbert’s ass in the newest Mortal Kombat game while Matthew lounged on the couch reading a book and Elizaveta painted his nails with clear polish.

“I still think blue would be a good color,” Elizaveta said. “A dark blue. Maybe black.” She paused for a moment as she dipped the brush back into the bottle and then moved onto the last of Matthew’s fingernails. “Or maybe a lighter shade of blue, like for the Maple Leafs!”

“Just clear please,” Matthew told her.

Gilbert cackled loudly as he activated his character’s special move. “I can’t believe you actually let her do your nails, Birdie! Fuck yeah! Fatality, bitch!”

Alfred scowled. “You won one match. Big deal.”

“At least my nails will look nice and clean,” Matthew mumbled, feeling self-conscious. “And other guys get manicures. It’s not weird or anything.”

“Kesesesesese!”

“Gilbert,” Elizaveta began sweetly. “Do you remember that one time when we were fourteen?”

Gilbert paled. “Don’t tell that story.”

Matthew slid a bookmark between the pages, already interested in the story. It wasn’t like he was going to get much reading done anyway. In fact, he’d been reading the same sentence for about ten minutes. “What happened when you were fourteen?”

Deliberately not selecting his character so Alfred couldn’t cheat while he wasn’t paying attention, Gilbert turned around to give Elizaveta a pleading look. “Veta, I’m begging you, do not tell that story!”

“When we were fourteen, Gilbert asked me to give him a mani-pedi,” Elizaveta announced with a smug grin. “And then he did my nails. He even painted cute little blue flowers on my toes!”

“I fucking hate you,” Gilbert muttered, turning around to stare determinedly at the television. “Jones, pick your character already!”

“Dude, I already did! You haven’t picked yours!”

Elizaveta winked at Matthew and then got back to work.

-.-.-

“Where are they?” Ms. Williams fretted, pacing by the front door. “They should have been here already! Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have left arrangements up to the boys! Sure, Matthew is plenty responsible unless Gilbert is around to distract him, but I do hate not knowing what’s going on.”

Mr. Jones chuckled. “I’m sure they’ll be here soon. Kiwi is probably making sure they’re checked into the hotel and making sure they have everything.”

“Kiwi,” scoffed Ms. Williams. “That poor boy. What were his parents thinking, giving him a name like that?”

“I think it’s funny.”

“You would,” she muttered, peering out the window. It wasn’t too much longer before she spotted a bright red car pulling into the driveway. “They’re here! Oh, I wonder how much little Sheila has grown? She was absolutely adorable last year, the way she followed Matthew around.”

Mr. Jones hummed and called down the hall: “Boys! Your cousins are here!” He then quickly moved out of the way.

It sounded like a stampede running through the house. Alfred appeared first, running full out to the door, which he jerked open. Gilbert and Elizaveta were next, trying to shove each other out of the way. Matthew brought up the rear, nearly tripping over the rug on his way out the door.

Peering outside, Mr. Jones and Ms. Williams watched as Alfred made a mad dash for his dark-haired, Australian cousin, only for the younger teen to flip him over his back and into the grass. Kiwi, a fair-haired teen whose hair curled strangely on each side of his head (much like the horns of a ram), ignored them entirely as he popped the trunk and began pulling out the birthday gifts. Sheila ran for Matthew, who smiled at her and patted her on the head while watching to make sure Alfred and Jack’s fight didn’t get too violent. Gilbert and Elizaveta cheered the pair on, though Gilbert was rather disappointed that he didn’t get to the Australian first.

Ms. Williams could only pray they wouldn’t start a world war in the backyard again that year.

-.-.-

“Matt! Good to see you!”

Matthew squeaked in surprise as he was bodily pulled into a bone-crushing hug, courtesy of Soren Kholer. “S-Soren! I—can’t breathe!”

A stoic blond with a cross clipped in his hair yanked Soren away. “Let go of him, moron.”

“Hey, I’m showing him my appreciation for inviting me again this year!” Soren protested. “Oh yeah, is Lars gonna be around this year?” He asked, lowering his voice so just Nikolai and Matthew could hear him. The others were too busy watching Jack antagonize Nikolai’s little brother Isak.

Matthew glanced around to make sure no one was listening in and then hissed: “You are not wandering off to get stoned with him again this year! Do you know how many problems you caused last time?”

Nikolai narrowed his eyes. “You were what? Soren Matthias Kholer, we are having a talk. Now.” He proceeded to drag his friend off to lecture him in his usual impassive manner.

“Traitor,” Soren mouthed back to Matthew.

The Canadian simply waved cheerfully at him, not feeling the least bit bad about ratting him out. Truthfully, Soren and Lars hadn’t been the only two to take a few puffs the year before, though they certainly had the most. After coaxing Gilbert and Lars to put their differences aside, Matthew had joined them out in the old shed. He’d never forget how Gilbert had cackled like a madman and started making up crazy stories about skateboarding in outer space while Soren nodded sagely and butted in every now and then as though he’d been there to witness the event. Matthew had dragged Gilbert back to the party shortly after that, while the other two remained in the shed for another twenty minutes.

It was because of them that Ludwig’s dogs crashed the party, accidentally destroying the majority of the decorations in their haste to hunt down their owner, who had somehow gotten covered in meat and bits of cake. (The cake part had been Gilbert’s fault.)

Needless to say, Ludwig had not been happy.

Alfred snuck up beside Matthew, keeping a weary eye on their cousins. “So that’s the other half of the family. Interesting. Where’d the other two go?”

“Nikolai and Soren are having one of their talks,” Matthew told him. “They do it a lot. You’ll get used to it.”

“Yeah… what’s with them anyway?” Alfred asked. “Are they best friends or… you know…”

Matthew raised an eyebrow. “Gay? Boyfriends? Lovers? Having gay se—”

Alfred blushed. “You don’t have to be so blunt! Geez, bro. I think you’ve been chillin’ with Gilbert too much. But yes, that’s what I meant.”

“No clue,” Matthew told him. “They’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. It’s hard to imagine a time when Soren hasn’t been around. They’re close. Like me and Gil. And you and Arthur.”

“Arthur and I aren’t that close!” Alfred protested.

“Really? So it wasn’t Arthur who slept on our couch for nearly three months because he set his kitchen on fire and his brothers wanted him out of the way? And it definitely wasn’t Arthur who you forced into your bed one night because you were terrified that ghosts were going to get you.”

Alfred was silent for a moment before shoving his twin. “Shut up.”

“Would it bother you if they were?” Matthew asked.

Alfred thought about it. Then he shrugged. “Nah, I guess it wouldn’t. Though if they are, that makes your comparison about me and Arthur kind of disturbing.”

“Let’s get you two drunk and see if you still feel that way, eh?” Matthew said quietly, turning his head away from his brother so he could feign checking on Isak.

“You say something, bro?”

“I said I’m going to go make sure Isak’s feeling okay with all of this attention,” Matthew lied, flashing his twin a quick smile. He mentally patted himself on the back when Alfred said nothing more, knowing he’d successfully fooled the American.

Not that it was a very difficult thing to do.

-.-.-

After announcing that it was getting close to dinner and that they needed to decide where and what they wanted to eat, which consisted of everyone complaining about someone’s choice of food and no one being able to agree on one single place to go out to, Ms. Williams gave up any semblance of control over the situation and left them to fend for themselves while she made herself a turkey sandwich and locked herself in her room to sulk for a bit.

Thinking quickly, Mr. Jones and Matthew decided the only way to remedy the situation was to order out. Pizza was first on their list, along with buffalo wings. Then Chinese.

When Alfred started shouting about McDonald’s (again), Matthew contemplated tossing him out the front door and telling him to hitchhike into town. Gilbert goaded him on. Elizaveta threatened bodily harm to Gilbert. Jack volunteered to help Matthew. Isak offered to record the whole event on video.

Things calmed down by the time the food was finally delivered. Matthew kept the calm by popping in a dvd and glaring at anyone who dared insult his choice in movies. Fortunately, everyone seemed amused by the French film, which was about a tire which blew things up with its psychokinetic powers.

“Hey Nik,” Soren said once the movie was over. “Why can’t we see the air?”

It wasn’t Nikolai who answered, but everyone else in the room.

“No reason.”

Gilbert grinned and asked the next one. “Why do superheroes wear their underwear on the outside?”

“They do not!” Alfred’s complaint was drowned out by an enthusiastic chorus of : “No reason!”

“Why is grass green?” Jack asked.

“No reason!”

And on it went, growing more and more ridiculous until they could do little more than giggle. Later, after Ms. Williams came out to tell them it was getting too late for them to keep carrying on and that they had an early day, Matthew leaned over to Alfred and whispered: “Why are you afraid of ghosts?”

Alfred opened his mouth to answer, but his twin cut him short.

“No reason.”

-.-.-

Had Alfred and Matthew gone to bed after that, Alfred most likely would have been up for half the night cowering under the blankets in fear of ghosts. Instead, he found another reason to stay up half the night, unable to sleep. It wasn’t for fear of ghosts, but fear of what would happen to Matthew if he wasn’t on high alert.

It happened after Jack, Kiwi, and Sheila returned to their hotel room for the night and Gilbert and Elizaveta left for their homes. Nikolai, Isak, and Soren had retreated to the spare room they claimed as their own and Mr. Jones was well on his way to falling asleep. Matthew was making sure everything was cleaned up and Alfred was (for once) helping him.

“So everyone else comes in tomorrow, eh?” Matthew said with a smile. “I hope nothing goes wrong.”

“Heh, yeah. Same here,” Alfred agreed, accepting a newly washed plate from his brother. He ran a towel over it to get it dry and then added it to the stack on his right. “Mom might have a panic attack if it does.”

Matthew finished scrubbing the last of the dishes and then handed it over to Alfred.

Ding dong~!

Matthew froze in the process of drying his hands on a dishtowel. He exchanged a cautionary glance with Alfred, who mirrored his surprise, and then hurried to the door before whoever it was could keeping ringing and wake up the entire house. Alfred trailed after him, ready to protect his brother.

Not bothering to waste time preparing himself for whoever was on the other side, Matthew jerked open the front door.

“Matvey~!”

The twins gaped at the giant standing before them.

“I-Ivan, what—”

“Matvey, I’m sorry!”

Matthew found his arms full of a sobbing young woman whose pale blonde hair felt soft against his face but agitated his nose and made it difficult for him to open his mouth to speak. He blew it away from his mouth and leaned back his head. “Katyusha? Ivan? What are you doing here already?”

“I’m here too! So’s Leon!” A tall Korean peeked out from behind Ivan with a wave and a grin. “We decided to surprise you by driving up tonight! Surprise!”

“You could’ve warned me,” Matthew told Ivan, knowing his hockey buddy was the only one who would actually listen to him. He sighed when the Russian shrugged but offered no apology. Noticing how Katyusha was beginning to hiccup, he turned his attention back to her. “Kat, it’s okay. I’m not mad or anything. I’m just, eh, surprised.”

Yong Soo beamed at his words.

Matthew glared at him while gently rubbing Katyusha’s back, trying to get her to stop crying. “You’re going to the hotel now, right? Not that it’s not nice to see you, but mom’s making us get up early to decorate everything.”

“Yeah, so shoo,” Alfred chimed in unhelpfully.

Matthew reached over and punched his brother’s arm. “Don’t be rude!”

“Well, me and Leon are rooming with Kiku and he’s not getting in until tomorrow. So can we crash here for the night?” Yong Soo asked.

“No,” said Alfred.

“Yes,” Matthew corrected. “You can stay the night. Ivan, what about you and Katyusha?”

“We can’t check in until tomorrow,” Ivan said. “We were hoping to stay here.”

Alfred crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. “I’m not staying in the same room with you, Commie.”

“That’s fine by me,” Ivan replied. “I’ll sleep with Matvey.”

“Like hell you will!”

“Alfred!” Matthew hissed. “Shut up before you wake up everyone! Look, just bring in what you need and lets get some sleep. We’ll all be in my room and if you have a problem with that, Alfred, you can sleep on the damn couch. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Alfred opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by Yong Soo, who bounded inside and threw his arms around the taller boy. “This’ll be great! Like a big sleepover! Lead the way, Alfie!”

It was only after a cross look from Matthew that Alfred finally turned around and gestured for Yong Soo to follow him. The Korean was happy to, but not before stepping back to grab Leon’s hand and drag him along with him.

Katyusha stopped crying soon after Ivan returned from his trip out to the car to get their bags. Matthew locked up the front door and then led them to his room, where they found Alfred grumpily sitting on his cot with an enthusiastic Yong Soo chattering away a mile a minute. Leon had set up a nest of blankets on the other side of Matthew’s bed and had stolen a pillow.

“Matvey has a nice room,” Ivan complimented.

“Um, thanks?” Matthew said, taking in just how crowded they were going to be for the night. “So, um, Katyusha can have the bed and we’ll sleep on the floor…”

“Nonsense!” Ivan said, patting Matthew on the back. “We can share! There’s plenty of room!”

Matthew stared at his bed, tuning out Alfred’s complaints and trying to imagine how three grown people were going to fit on his tiny bed. He looked between Ivan and Katyusha, still ignoring Alfred, and gave up on figuring it out. “Okay. Sure. Whatever you want. As long as Katyusha is fine with it and your little sister won’t hunt me down and murder me in my sleep.”

Katyusha smiled. “Natalia wouldn’t do such a thing. And this is fine with me. Ivan, Natalia, and I used to share a bed all the time when we were kids! This will be so much fun!”

“Yeah…” Matthew muttered despondently. “Loads of fun.”

Chapter Text

2. Birthday Bash part 2

Waking up the next morning sandwiched between the Braginski siblings and finding out that Yong Soo crawled up to join them in his bed was not an experience Matthew cared to go through for a second time. On his list of things he never wanted to repeat, it was somewhere between Gilbert sending what seemed like hundreds of tiny chicks to his apartment and having to bail Gilbert out of jail because he beat the hell out of a guy for badmouthing Matthew. (Yeah, he knew about that.) Neither of those were at the top of his list, though the second one was up there pretty high.

With a heavy sigh, Matthew closed his eyes and prayed that when he opened them everything would be different.

They weren’t.

The bedroom door slammed open and in marched a grinning Gilbert. “Birdie time to wake—what the fuck?”

“Don’t ask,” requested the Canadian, pushing fruitlessly at Yong Soo. “I’ll explain later.”

“Why is he here?” Gilbert demanded, glaring pointedly at Ivan and ignoring Matthew. “And he’s in your bed! You don’t even let me sleep with you!”

Matthew groaned and gave up on trying to push Yong Soo off of him. “Because you say weird things when we’re waking up. Could you help me out here? Or at least wake up Al?”

As if in response, Leon emerged from his cave of blankets, fully dressed, and decided to lend a helping hand to Matthew. He stopped at the foot of the bed and grasped Yong Soo’s ankles, giving them a strong tug so the Korean slid right off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud thump! “Get up,” he said as his friend moaned in pain.

“Can’t. Hurts.”

Katyusha drowsily opened her eyes and pushed back the blankets, ready to sit up and face the day. The thin, clingy t-shirt she wore did nothing but accentuate her endowments more than usual, which helped to shut up Gilbert but resulted in her squeaking in embarrassment and yanking the blankets up to cover her chest. Her actions pulled the blankets off of her brother, leaving his bare chest open to the cool air.

“Cold…” Ivan murmured, reaching out to wrap his arms around Matthew and draw him close. With a soft sigh of contentment, he nuzzled Matthew’s hair and settled down to sleep for longer.

Gilbert twitched. “Matt. What the hell. Why is he naked?!”

“He’s not naked,” Matthew replied. “He’s wearing pants. I’m not wearing my glasses and I can see that much. And if you’re not going to help me, then get out so I can deal with this without anyone shouting. “

“But Mattie–”

“Just go,” Matthew interrupted, already sounding exhausted though the day had barely begun. “You can keep Soren away from my room. Fight him if you want.”

Torn between his want to pick a fight with the Dane and his desire to stay and protect Matthew, Gilbert continued to stand there and glare at Ivan. After a minute or so, he grumbled something under his breath and kicked Alfred in the side before walked out of the room.

Alfred grunted and rolled over, continuing to sleep.

“Thanks for helping, Al,” Matthew muttered sarcastically, closing his eyes. “You’re such a great brother.”

-.-.-

Twenty minutes later, after waking up everyone but Alfred and directing Katyusha to the hall bathroom, where she could change clothes in private, Matthew led his friends to the kitchen where everyone else was gathered.

Ms. Williams blinked in surprise at the new crowd. “Matthew, what is going on? Who are they?”

“Mom, these are my friends. They arrived late last night,” Matthew explained. “This is Ivan and his sister Katyusha. And those two are Yong Soo and Leon. It was too early for them to check in when they arrived, so I let them stay in my room.”

Ms. Williams beamed, glad that her son had relieved a situation without needing to wake up the entire house. She knew from various comments she’d read on facebook that Alfred didn’t like very much and would have most likely started yelling and complaining loud enough to wake up everyone inside the house as well as the neighbours. “Well come and sit! I’m sure you’re hungry. We have plenty of food. I’m Katherine Williams, by the way.”

Yong Soo bounded forward to shake her hand. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Williams! Wow, now I see why Matt’s so cute!”

Soren snorted with laughter and Gilbert scowled at the Korean.

Ms. Williams laughed. “Thank you. Now please, come sit and eat. Once Alfred wakes up it’ll be gone faster than you can blink.”

Yong Soo sat down next to Soren, who grinned at him and introduced himself before pointing to Nikolai and talking about how cute he was. The Korean nodded enthusiastically, responding with how beautiful he found Yao, Kiku, and Leon before Leon smacked him on the head as he sat down.

Katyusha sat on the other side of Leon with Ivan right beside her. Before Matthew could take a seat next to the tall Russian, Gilbert grabbed his arm and pulled him over into his lap.

“Gil!” Matthew shrieked, his voice going unnaturally high. “What the fuck?!”

“Language, Matthew,” Ms. Williams said warningly.

“There’s not enough seats,” Gilbert said defensively, holding on tightly to his best friend. His red eyes met Ivan’s violet and he couldn’t help but smirk victoriously. “This way Mutti has a place to sit too. I’m being nice.”

Ivan frowned.

Matthew squirmed in his grasp. “We have other chairs, Gilbert. Besides, Al and dad need places to sit too. I should go get them before they wake up.”

“Shut up and eat, Birdie.”

Soren leaned over to Nikolai with a grin, wrapping one arm around the younger man‘s shoulders. “Nik, you can sit in my lap if you want.”

“No,” replied Nikolai.

Ms. Williams cleared her throat, trying her best not to smile. “I’ll get the chairs, sweetheart. I guess we only need two more…”

Matthew’s eyes widened. “Mom!”

She giggled and walked away to hunt down more chairs.

“I think Matvey should sit in my lap,” Ivan said challengingly. “Gilbert looks too frail to handle his weight.”

Yong Soo, Soren, and Katyusha stopped eating to watch the two. Soren’s eyes were gleaming at the promise of a good fight. Yong Soo seemed happy to witness something exciting happening. (His usual breakfasts with Yao, Leon, Kiku, and Mei were far too quiet and tense.) Katyusha looked nervous. Nikolai, Isak, and Leon continued eating, glancing at one of the two every now and then but otherwise showing no interest in what was going on.

Gilbert bared his teeth in a snarl. “I’m not some fucking weakling, Braginski. I’ve always been able to lift up Matthew.”

“So have I,” Ivan said calmly.

“You’ve only known him for–”

“Gil,” Matthew interrupted, flicking the albino on the cheek. “Shut up.” He caught sight of Ivan smirking and leveled a glare at him. “You too, Ivan. It’s July first, which means it’s my birthday and I want both of you to behave yourselves and not fight with each other all day. I’m not asking you two to hang out and be the best of friends, just no fighting. Got it?”

“Ja…” Gilbert grumbled, loosening his arms around Matthew’s stomach.

Ivan giggled and everyone except Matthew and Katyusha gave him an odd look. “Da!”

With the impending fight stopped, Yong Soo and Soren began eating again. Katyusha whispered to her brother for a moment before smiling happily at his reply. Then the two began eating as well.

Ms. Williams returned with a single chair, saying nothing when she saw that Matthew was still in Gilbert’s lap and that the two were quietly talking. Gilbert was grinning as he used one arm to hold onto Matthew so he could spear pieces of pancake and try to feed it to the younger man. Matthew was doing his best to escape, but had ceased talking since every time he tried his friend would shut him up by sticking the fork in his mouth.

She slipped away to locate the other chairs.

“Knock it off!” Matthew yelled, taking the opportunity to head butt Gilbert’s chin while he was leaning forward to slice another piece of pancake.

“Kesesesesese!”

Alfred walked into the room, yawning loudly and lifting the button of his skirt as he scratched at his stomach.

“Very attractive,” Soren remarked with a hint of sarcasm.

Alfred sleepily blinked when he saw everyone around the table. He let his hands fall to his sides as his gaze landed on his twin and Gilbert. Suddenly, he wasn’t so tired. “Oi, Gilfreak! What’re you doing with my brother!?”

Matthew groaned softly, wondering if anything was going to go right that day.

-.-.-

Two hours later, the decorations were all in place, the grills had full tanks of gas and were ready to cook all the food they needed, a volleyball net had been set up in the backyard, helium balloons had been tied to the mailbox, and Gilbert and Ivan had only fought twice. They had worked mostly in pairs. Nikolai stuck with Soren to make sure he did everything he needed to. Alfred worked with Gilbert and Matthew until Elizaveta arrived, which was when she decided she wanted to work with him and dragged him off to put up streamers. Isak, Yong Soo, and Leon naturally gravitated towards each other and talked about video games as they put tablecloths over the patio table and oversized picnic table. Ivan stuck by his sister, though he spent most of the time looking longingly at Matthew.

Jack, Kiwi, and Sheila had arrived an hour into decorating. Fifteen minutes later, Elizaveta arrived ready to help out. Roughly thirty-five minutes after that, Lars and his younger sister Laura arrived. Lars assisted by putting the tulips he’d brought in a vase, while Laura helped Sheila get down the helium balloons which had floated up to the ceiling.

It wasn’t long after they finished decorating that Alfred got a call from Arthur saying they were pulling into the neighbourhood. He grabbed Matthew and the two hurried to the front yard to greet their friends.

“Alfred,” Matthew said, annoying tingeing his voice as he watched two cars full of people pull into the driveway, blocking in Jack’s rental car and Lars’s old Dodge truck. “What part of ‘only five people’ did you not understand?”

Alfred laughed and patted his brother on the back. “Relax, bro! The more the merrier, am I right?”

Matthew frowned as a familiar blond got out of the first car. He punched Alfred in the shoulder and hissed: “I told you not to invite Francis!”

“Ow! Geez! I didn’t, okay? He must’ve just come on his own,” Alfred said. “You know there’s no such thing as secrets in that building. The only two I actually invited was Arthur and Kiku. Well, and Arthur’s brothers, but they didn’t want to come.”

Matthew relaxed knowing it was probably true. If there was one thing he liked the most about his twin, it was that he was honest. (Unless it had to do with his feelings, especially when he was scared, then he had the tendency to pretend that everything was okay and that he was a brave hero who would protect him from everything.)
He smiled as he walked over to greet everyone. Already he was calculating the best way to stay out of Francis’s groping range.

“Artie!” Alfred yelled gleefully, zipping past his twin so he could give his British friend a huge hug. Arthur sputtered angrily at first but quickly gave up and just let the American hug him. Francis chuckled at the two of them and Kiku smiled and fidgeted with the camera hanging around his neck.

Feliciano got out of the other car and skipped over to Matthew, ignoring his brother’s cries for help as Antonio decided he wanted to hug him. “Ve~ Thanks for inviting us to your party, Alfred! I love parties! And pasta. Are we going to have pasta? Ooo!” He didn’t hear Matthew’s quiet response of “But I’m Matthew, not Alfred” as he bounded away to talk to the grinning albino standing at the front door. “Gilbert!”

Lovino managed to break out of Antonio’s hold by delivering a head butt to his chest. Faster than anyone could blink, he caught up with his brother and dragged him back to the car.

“Lovi’s so cute~” Antonio wheezed.

“Shut up and help me get the damn presents, bastard.”

Francis walked towards Matthew, pouting when the younger man took a step back. “No love for me? And after I traveled so far to visit you.”

Matthew wasn’t falling for it. After being fought over by Ivan and Gilbert for most of the morning, the last thing he wanted was to be touched. “Welcome to Canada,” he said, knowing Alfred wouldn’t. A quick glance at his twin told him he was too busy chatting happily with Arthur and Kiku and most likely wouldn’t do much else for a while.

Francis took the opportunity to sneak towards Matthew while the younger blond was distracted. He didn’t get too close before Gilbert appeared, swinging an arm around the Frenchman’s shoulders and expertly steering him over to Antonio and the Italians.

Matthew breathed a sigh of relief.

At least for the moment, he’d dodged a bullet.

-.-.-

The party was underway. Ms. Williams was happily playing the role of hostess, making sure they had plenty of drinks and ice. Mr. Jones was outside manning the grills with a little help from Jack and Alfred, though the two were so easily distracted that he may as well have been doing it on his own.

Unsurprisingly, with the large number of people gathered at the Williams house, people had split off into various groups.

Yong Soo, Leon, and Isak were inside playing video games. Yong Soo was fully focused on the television while the other two were partially distracted by their conversation about the annoying things their older brothers did.

Matthew had long-since found himself drawn into an awkward group consisting of himself, Ivan, Gilbert, Elizaveta, and Lars and was sandwiched right between Ivan and Gilbert. Francis would occasionally wander by and make things worse by blowing Matthew a kiss, much to Elizaveta’s amusement.

Closer to the grills, Alfred had amassed his usual group, with the addition of Antonio, Lovino, and Feliciano. He kept jumping up and down from his spot between Arthur and Kiku, mostly to check on food but also to drag Francis away from his brother. He wasn’t so clueless that he hadn’t noticed the clues Arthur had been dropping about their landlord’s intense like of his brother. (Granted, Arthur’s “hints” were quite blunt.)

Like every year, Jack and Soren had forcibly coerced Kiwi and Nikolai into playing badminton with them. The New Zealander and Norwegian were quite happily kicking their asses. Or at least Kiwi was. It was hard to tell if Nikolai was happy or not.

Laura and Katyusha had taken Sheila by the hand and were walking around with her, exchanging funny stories about their family members and friends.
A car pulled into the Beilschmidt’s driveway and parked behind Elizaveta’s blue-green car. Gilbert noticed right away and yelled across the yard to the person. “Oi, Bruder! West! Come join us! Hurry up!”

Ludwig frowned but waved to his older brother to show he understood, not wanting him to continue yelling. Rather than head right over, he took a few grocery bags from the car and disappeared into his house.

Lovino lightly smacked Feliciano on the shoulder. “Why can’t you be more like that, idiot? Stop leaving me to bring in the food by myself!”

“Ve~ I’m sorry, fratello.”

“You better b–Damn it, Antonio!”

Antonio cooed while pinching Lovino’s cheeks. “You’re so cute, Lovi~”

Alfred laughed loudly at the pair while Kiku kept Francis from taking advantage of the situation by sneaking a grope of Arthur’s backside. Lovino’s shouts of complaint soon grew loud enough that Soren, Jack, Nikolai, and Kiwi paused in the midst of their game to look over and see what was going on.

“Dude, calm down!” Alfred said with a grin on his face. “You yell worse than Arthur!”

Arthur’s cheeks blazed red. “Well maybe if you wouldn’t jump on me–”

“I would love to jump you,” Francis purred, leaning towards the Englishman.

“Stop misinterpreting my words, Frog!”

Giggling at how funny his friends and brother were, Feliciano stood up with his empty cup and slipped away to go into the house for more juice. He smiled brightly at Ms. Williams as she bustled past with a bowl of potato chips for the ever-growing table of food. After getting fresh juice, he glanced across the hall to the living room where Yong Soo, Leon, and Isak were changing to a different game. He watched Yong Soo scowl as the light-haired Nordic reached over to tap Leon on the nose, eliciting a roll of the eyes from the youngest teen.

“Ve~” The sound slipped out with a tiny giggle as Feliciano turned to return to the party. He wasn’t paying much attention to where he was going and smacked right into something tall and solid. He shrieked in fright, automatically switching from ‘happy’ to a full-on ‘panic’, thinking he had accidentally bumped into Ivan.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please don’t hit me! I bruise easily like a peach! I didn’t mean to hit you, really! I have relatives him Moscow!” He began to sway but was quickly steadied by a pair of hands on his shoulders.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

Feliciano’s wailing ceased and he opened his eyes to see who it was. He relaxed when he saw tidy blond hair and calm blue eyes. “Oh, I thought you were Ivan but you’re not scary at all! Sorry about that! Are you one of Alfred’s friends?”

“No, I grew up with Matthew. I’m Gilbert’s brother, Ludwig.”

Feliciano looked up, really taking in his features. Thanks to his love of art and painting and paying close attention to details, he was able to spot a few characteristics shared by the brothers, though it wasn’t enough that he would have known they were related from a glance. “I’m Feliciano Vargas! Nice to meet you!”

Ludwig smiled slightly as he held out his hand for Feliciano to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Feliciano.”

“Ve~?” Feliciano stared at the hand in confusion before understanding lit up his eyes and he enthusiastically grabbed Ludwig’s hand with both of his and shook it vigorously.

‘He’s so nice! And since fratello said he wishes I was more like him, that means he won’t get angry if I make friends with him!’ Feliciano thought happily. ‘But I wonder…’

“Do you like pasta?” He asked.

“Pasta?” Ludwig repeated, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Ja, I suppose.”

Feliciano beamed and began chattering about all of his favorite kinds and how much fun it was to make them. When Ludwig tried to make an excuse to leave, he tagged along and continued talking, pausing only to get his breath or wait for the blond to answer a question.

‘I love making new friends!’

-.-.-

Matthew was truly amazed by how patient Gilbert was that year. Usually it didn’t take more than an hour or so before the albino tried to drag him off to get away from the crowd. For once he managed to wait until the food had been eaten, cake had been served, and presents opened before he sneakily asked Matthew for help in the kitchen so he could drag him away without anyone noticing.

“Gilbert, where are we going?” Matthew whispered as they snuck across the yard to hide behind the cars and use them as their cover.

“You’ll see,” Gilbert responded with a grin. “It’ll be great. You’ll love this!”

“If this is anything like two years ago when you took me to the park so we could roll down the hill in a barrel, I’m going to hit you,” Matthew threatened.

Gilbert laughed quietly. “That was fun! But this is going to be even more awesome than that.”

Matthew rolled his eyes. He couldn’t deny that he did have fun, at least up until he rolled into a tree and banged up his head. He decided to go along with his friend for the time being. But the second he got the feeling they were doing something stupid and dangerous, he was calling it all off.

Gilbert looked around and then gestured for Matthew to follow him. Together they dashed over and huddled in the bushes against the Beilschmidt’s house. Matthew started to feel silly as they crouched there in the heat for several long minutes.

“What are–”

“C’mon!” Gilbert grabbed Matthew’s hand and dragged him out of the bushes. The blond stumbled, pulled off-balance as his friend began running again.

Ten minutes later, after being led down the road several blocks and pulled through a small patch of trees and underbrush, Matthew found himself standing at the bank of a smooth-flowing river. It was a place he was familiar with. He, Gilbert, Elizaveta, and (occasionally) Ludwig had spent many summer evenings pushing each other into the water.

“I’d rather not go swimming with my clothes on again. I ruined my shirt last time. It was a gift from my great aunt and mom was pissed,” Matthew said.

“Then don’t wear clothes,” Gilbert suggested.

Matthew frowned and looked over at him. He could only sigh when he saw that Gilbert had already taken off his shirt and was in the process of kicking off his pants and shoes.

“You coming in or am I going to have to strip you myself?” Gilbert asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Matthew rolled his eyes and lifted his shirt over his head, feeling only mildly uncomfortable with how intensely Gilbert was watching him. He did his best to ignore it and turned his back to the white-haired man.

He draped his shirt over a low-hanging branch, ignoring Gilbert’s cackle of how he was such a momma’s boy. Knowing Gilbert would take it upon himself and “help” if he didn’t hurry up, he undid his jeans and pushed them and his boxers down and hung them up with his shirt before slipping off his shoes. He was tucking his glasses into his pants pocket when he heard Gilbert run and jump into the water with a gleeful cry.

“Heads up!” Matthew yelled, jumping in after him.

Gilbert waited for his friend to resurface before using his arm to send a wave of water at his friend. “Tidal wave!”

Matthew blindly splashed back, not daring to open his eyes after the initial bombardment. They spent the next few minutes splashing one another until Matthew daringly swam forward and tried to dunk Gilbert under the water. Gilbert dragged him down with him.

They popped back up to the surface, pausing to catch their breath.

“And you thought I was going to make you do something stupid,” Gilbert said with a cackle.

“Usually it is,” Matthew reminded him.

“Figured I’d surprise you this time,” Gilbert said, splashing his friend before diving back under the water.

Matthew chuckled and relaxed in the water, ready to hold his breath at the first sign of Gilbert trying to pull him under.

It was rather nice to do something that wouldn’t end in disaster or running away from someone. Matthew felt it was going to be his favorite of any of his birthdays. He had gotten to eat good food and enjoy a piece of cake in the company of his friends and family, however crazy they were. No one had tried to kill anyone. Soren hadn’t tried to start a brawl or been tossed into a table by Nikolai. Even better, it hadn’t rained like the weatherman predicted it would, and they hadn’t had to squeeze everyone inside.

“Heads up!”

“Eh?” Matthew blinked and looked up, catching a glimpse of a blurry figure with brown hair just before they landed in the water near him. He turned his head just in time to avoid being blinded by the splash.

Gilbert popped back up to the surface at the same time as Jack and looked up on the bank with a scowl. “What the hell are you all doing here?”

Soren smirked back as Yong Soo ran past him and joined them in the water. Kiwi stood next to him, thankfully still clothed, though both Matthew and Gilbert knew from experience that it wouldn’t take much for the quiet New Zealander to take part in the fun.

“Did you really think you could steal Matt away and no one would notice?” Soren asked. “You’re lucky Aunt Kat didn’t see you.”

“She’s not your aunt,” Kiwi reminded him.

“One day,” Soren sighed. “One day…”

Matthew wearily watched Jack and Yong Soo swim around him, leaving Gilbert to talk to Soren (which may have been a mistake). He didn’t trust either of them to behave. “So much for a moment of peace,” he murmured.

“Get down here and say that to my face!” Gilbert snarled after a particular remark from Soren.

Clearly, Matthew had missed something in the few seconds he spent paying more attention to his cousin and friend. He wasn’t surprised. As similar as Gilbert and Soren could be at times, they often fought when left alone together. It’d been that way since the first time they met six years before when Nikolai first let the Dane tag along with him. The biggest problem was that they loved to fight with each other and sometimes one of them would take it a step too far.

“Gladly!” Soren responded. He pushed off his boxers and then jumped into the water, landing dangerously close to Gilbert.

Matthew could only watch as the two attempted to drown one another, not sure what else to do. Jack and Yong Soo watched as well, and though Jack was used to the two doing that sort of thing even he was taken aback.

“How did this start?” Matthew asked.

Jack shrugged. “No clue. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Neither was I,” said Yong Soo.

They weren’t much of a help, so Matthew decided to take care of matters himself. He swam a little closer to the fighting duo and waited for the right opportunity to strike. As Gilbert successfully shoved Soren backwards and under the water, Matthew struck out his hand and grabbed his friend’s white hair.

“Ow! Birdie–fuck! That hurts!”

Matthew tugged harder. “I told you not to fight on my birthday!”

“He started it!”

Matthew raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure it was you who punched Soren first. Come on. We’re leaving.”

“But this is fun!” Gilbert whined.

Dunking his friend underwater seemed to be the most diplomatic answer Matthew could think of.

-.-.-

“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me.” Elizaveta pouted while watching Matthew dry his hair with a towel.

The two of them and Gilbert were sitting in the Canadian’s bedroom, taking a little break from the party and avoiding the wrath of Ms. Williams while she was in lecture-mode. The pretty brunette girl was sitting at the window where she could see everyone outside celebrating. Gilbert was sprawled out across the bed with a towel draped over his head. Matthew was sitting on the corner of the bed.

“Didn’t think you wanted to go swimming naked with us,” Gilbert said. “I’ll remember that next time, Veta.”

Elizaveta rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. You leave me out every year when you do this. Just for once I’d like to be invited.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’m not a willing participant in this,” Matthew told her.

Gilbert snorted in disgust. “Sure you’re not. That’s why you didn’t escape the first chance you got.”

“Shut up, Gil.”

Elizaveta glanced out the window and said nothing when she saw Ms. Williams leave Jack, Kiwi, Soren, and Yong Soo alone to enter the house. She knew she was on the hunt for her two boys but she felt a little justification in not giving them a warning since they had, once again, left her behind. Besides that, she was quickly distracted by something far more interesting than the impending doom approaching her friends.

Standing away from everyone else was Ludwig and the cheerful and adorable Italian named Feliciano she had the privilege of talking to earlier that day. She didn’t find that part too interesting, since Feliciano had been following Ludwig around all afternoon. What really interested her was the deep blush the German was sporting.
She grinned. What an interesting development she had discovered.

“Dude, bro!” Alfred called, popping in the doorway with Kiku and Arthur by his side. “Mom’s looking for you. She’s on her way up. I’d hide if I were you.”

Gilbert pulled the towel away from his face and he and Matthew exchanged a look before they both bolted for the door, shoving past Alfred.

“Hi, Elizaveta!” Alfred greeted.

Elizaveta waved noncommittally, more interested in eagerly watching what she believed was a romance budding before her eyes. Alfred shrugged and walked away with Arthur by his side. Kiku lingered. He waited what he felt to be an appropriate amount of time and then cautiously approached her.

“Elizaveta-san, is everything alright?”

She jumped in surprise, her green eyes widening slightly as she turned her head to look at him. “O-oh, Kiku! Hello! Did you loose Alfred? I know he has the habit of running off without warning. He did that a lot when we were planning pranks during the winter…”

Kiku shook his head. “I’m fine. I was just wondering what you are looking at.”

Elizaveta smiled and pointed to Ludwig and Feliciano. What would Kiku think of them, she wondered. To her amazement, he smiled and nodded knowingly.

“Ah, so you noticed as well,” Kiku said. “It would be an interesting relationship, hai? I wonder how well he compliments Feliciano-kun.”

“I’ve tried to set up Ludwig with a couple people, but none of them worked out. Maybe I was trying to find someone too similar to him… Though Feliciano may be too much for him. Ludwig looks like he’s on the verge of being overwhelmed.” She giggled. “I’ve never seen him so flustered. It’s kind of cute.”

Kiku peered at the pair in interest. “It may be tough. Feliciano-kun flirts with girls all the time, but I’ve never seen him take a real interest in anyone.”

“Just girls?” Elizaveta questioned.

Kiku nodded. “Hai. Though he doesn’t seem bothered by Antonio-san or Francis-san. Sometimes I wonder if he’s so clueless he doesn’t realize.”

“Maybe we should set them up,” Elizaveta suggested, a gleam of determination appearing in her eyes. “I’ve got a couple of friends who would help.”

Kiku considered it, weighing the odds and trying to predict what may possibly happen if they made plans. It would certainly be an interesting alliance with no end of excitement, if he had judged the young woman correctly. He came to his conclusion quickly. “I have one condition, Elizaveta-san.”

“Name it.”

Kiku took a deep breath, hoping his friends wouldn’t hate him forever for what he was about to say. “I want you to help me set up Alfred-kun and Arthur-san.”

Elizaveta grinned. “Deal.”

-.-.-

Nikolai was never going to walk past a closet or a coatroom or a walk-in pantry or anything even remotely similar ever again. Every time he did, Soren was waiting for him inside and would open the door and pull him inside for a heavy make-out session that left him either wanting to punch the man or drag him away to their shared bedroom. Maybe both.

“You have got to stop doing this,” he hissed as a coat hanger fell on his head.

Even in the dim light he could see Soren grin. “Would you rather I kiss you out there in front of everyone and show everyone just who you belong to?”

Nikolai scowled and punched him on the shoulder, hard. “I’m not yours.”

Soren didn’t even wince. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the shorter man and pulled him even closer. One hand sought out Nikolai’s and he gently threaded their fingers together, stealthily sliding a silver band with a small sapphire embedded in it. “Well I’m yours. Always and forever, Nikolai.”

As always, those words had Nikolai’s heart racing, his face heating up pleasantly. He lifted up their joined hands and kissed Soren’s knuckles before pressing himself against the Dane. “You know I love you, moron,” he whispered so quietly that Soren would’ve had to strain to listen if he didn’t already know what the Norwegian said.

Soren chuckled and dipped down to kiss his boyfriend. “So, we can go have sex now, right?”

Nikolai slugged his boyfriend on the cheek and stormed out of the closet, balling both hands into fists. He stopped walking suddenly when he felt the warm metal band wrapped around his finger and quickly looked at his hand. So stunned by the appearance of the jewelry, he didn’t fight off the arms that wrapped around his waist.

“Do you like it?” Soren asked. “Took me ages to find the right one. All of the others seemed like way too much. And I know that diamonds are supposed to be the best and all, but then I saw this sapphire and it reminded me of your eyes–”

“Shut up,” Nikolai said, turning around in his arms. He stood on tip-toe and wrapped his arms around Soren’s neck, leaning in for a brief kiss. “It’s fine.”

Soren’s heart soared. That was practically an exclamation of delight coming from the icy Norwegian! He’d gotten a kiss instead of being hit or being forced to watch Nikolai storm off, which meant he’d done something right. There was just one last thing to settle. He willed himself to calm down and look Nikolai in the eyes.

“Nikolai Christensen, will you marry me?”

“You know you did it backwards, right?” Nikolai asked.

Soren flushed. “Well–But I–Yes, but–”

Nikolai silenced him with a kiss. “I will,” he whispered when they pulled apart. “I’ll marry you.”

Alfred and Arthur watched, flabbergasted, as Nikolai pulled a speechless Soren back into the closet. The two stood there for many seconds after the closet door was shut, trying to comprehend what they had just witnessed.

“What the hell just happened?” Alfred asked, breaking the silence.

“I have no bloody clue.”

-.-.-

Lars wasn’t at all happy with how his day was going, which was odd since Matthew’s birthday was always the one he looked forward to the most, other than his own of course. That year was supposed to be even more special. It was going to be the year he asked Matthew out on a date.

Unfortunately, Matthew’s new friends (and Gilbert) had ruined his plans to get the blond alone. It wasn’t fair! When had so many people started to notice the young Canadian? Really notice him? He’d always seen Gilbert as a minor form of competition, though he knew the German-Prussian-Canadian-whatever-the-hell-he-was was so clueless when it came to feelings that he really didn’t matter. But suddenly he found himself competing with some terrifying Russian who played hockey with Matthew, the Russian’s very sexy and well-endowed older sister, some French guy (who he quickly deemed undeserving of Matthew’s love), and that crazy Korean kid who couldn’t seem to make up his mind whether or not he wanted Matthew or that other Asian kid. To make matters worse, Matthew was paying more attention to them than he was to him.

Of course, Matthew wasn’t ignoring him. Not at all. He just wasn’t actively seeking him out like he normally would and it was really starting to bother him. It wasn’t right! There had to be something he could do to get Matthew’s attention.

“Careful or smoke will come out of your ears.”

Lars frowned at his younger sister, who merely grinned back at him, not at all put off by his grumpy mood. “What do you want, Laura?”

“I was just going to leave and go home on my own, but then I saw you sitting here all by yourself looking like you were deep in thought,” Laura said. “So I figured I’d come save your brain before it bursts into flames.”

Lars gave her his most unamused look, but it didn’t work. He sighed. “Fine. I’ll see you at home.”

Laura pouted. “That’s it? You’re not going to demand that I get Ms. Williams to drive me home? Are you feeling alright?” She reached out to feel his forehead, but her brother pushed her arm away.

“I’m not sick. I’m thinking.”

Laura hummed, studying him thoughtfully. “Okay. If you say so. I’m gonna go see if that cute Spanish guy and his Italian friend will drive me home. Matt’s alone in the kitchen pantry, by the way.”

For the first time in many, many years, Lars felt thankful he had a little sister. Then he realized exactly what she’d just said and promptly abandoned his quest to get Matthew alone in favor of protecting her virtue. After all, he had the whole rest of summer to spend with Matthew.

-.-.-

When the birthday party finally drew to an end, it was to some relief on everyone’s part. Though half of the travelers from America adjourned to the hotel they were staying at, the other half remained behind to help tidy up. It went almost without saying that Arthur and Kiku stayed to help. Feliciano also chose to remain behind (mostly to continue following Ludwig around), along with Ivan, Katyusha, and Xianliang. Since they were staying at the Williams house, Soren, Nikolai, and Isak were also still there. Naturally, neither Gilbert nor Elizaveta had left for home, though it was debatable whether or not Gilbert was actually helping or not.

Jack, Kiwi, and Sheila had left for their hotel with the excuse that Sheila was exhausted after a day of running around. Francis, Antonio, Lovino, and Yong Soo had taken off shortly after them, causing Arthur to worry about what would be waiting for him when he finally arrived.

Decorations were quickly taken down, the grills closed up and double checked to make sure they were turned off, Gilbert and Matthew had taken the helium balloons for their own amusement, Xianliang and Isak had teamed up to clean the video game area (though there was so little to do that it wasn’t long before they were relaxing on the couch, sitting very close and talking in hushed voices), and everyone else was clearing away trash in the house and yard.

Elizaveta gently nudged Kiku with her elbow and nodded towards Ludwig and Feliciano. Kiku looked over, lifting his camera, and quickly snapped a series of photo’s before going back to his work.

Elizaveta giggled. They were so cute. And with how forward and open Feliciano was with his emotions and loving gestures, she wasn’t sure if the two would need any help getting together. Alfred and Arthur on the other hand…. She glanced over to see the two bickering with each other over something or other again.

From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Feliciano gesturing for Ludwig to lean down so he could throw his arms around his neck in a hug and plant a kiss on each of his cheeks. Elizaveta bit her lip to keep from squealing in absolute joy. Oh how she hoped Kiku had gotten a picture of that.

“Kesesesese! Little West is so cute!” Gilbert cackled in a high pitch voice, courtesy of the partially deflated helium balloon in his hand. Matthew appeared next to him, giggling up a storm and looking more than a little out of it.

“Hey, Veta,” he said before bursting out into a fresh round of giggles thanks to the sound of his squeaky voice. “I-I sound so f-funny!” He stammered between laughter.

Elizaveta raised an eyebrow. “He found the stash Lars left in his room, didn’t he?”

Gilbert grinned and inhaled more helium before speaking. “Yup. I hate the guy, but he gets the best stuff.”

It was moments like those when Elizaveta wondered about her boys and how they managed to get by on a day-to-day basis. Or rather, how had they not gotten caught by Ms. Williams yet? “Why don’t you two go inside and, um, clean Matthew’s room or something,” she suggested, grasping each of them by the shoulder and turning them towards the house. She gave them a little push. “Go on.”

Gilbert nudged Matthew with his elbow. “Race you!”

The Canadian nudged his friend back a little too hard, setting the albino off-balance. “You’re on!”

Elizaveta watched them run away and then sighed and went back to picking up trash.

-.-.-

Katyusha opened the door to the tiny hotel bathroom, releasing a cloud of steam from her hot shower. She shivered when the cool air hit her damp skin and clutched her fluffy towel a little more tightly. Her hair dripping small droplets of water on her back and shoulders didn’t help matters. She spied Ivan sitting on the bed near the window, pulling back the curtains slightly to stare outside with a pensive look on his face.

“Vanya?” She asked softly. “Is everything alright?”

Ivan didn’t say anything for so long that Katyusha wondered if he hadn’t fallen asleep with his eyes open. “I feel weird.”

“Weird?” Katyusha repeated, worry creeping into her voice. She crossed the room to stand next to him, wringing her hands together.

“Da,” Ivan said with a nod. “I can’t explain it.” He paused for a moment and Katyusha remained silent, giving him time to continue if he wanted. “You know that feeling when you’re nervous about something. Like when Natalia comes to visit.” He shivered in fear. “No, not like that. That’s scary. It’s more like… like the thrill of preparing for a hockey game. Especially against a worthy opponent. Like Matvey! Never knowing what is going to happen… No, that’s not it either.”

He let go of the curtain and looked to his older sister with hope in his eyes. “How do I make it go away?”

Katyusha worried her lower lip in thought. “I don’t know… When do you get this feeling?”

“When I think about Matvey,” Ivan admitted almost shyly. “He’s so different. He isn’t afraid of me and he even smiles at me.”

It took Katyusha a moment to properly process his words, but once she did her face lit up with a bright smile and she threw her arms around her little brother, pulling him close. “Oh, I’m so happy! Vanya has a crush! How exciting! Oh, you’d be so cute together~!”

Ivan flushed in embarrassment. “S-sister!”

She giggled and kissed the top of his head. “My little Vanya’s growing up.”

“Please put on clothes!” Ivan wailed as his sister’s towel began to slip.

Chapter Text

After the Party

Pure chaos.

Matthew felt that was the most appropriate way to describe the state of his house the day after the birthday party. There were people everywhere. It seemed as though everyone who invaded the house the day before decided to return for a second day, if only to say their goodbyes and exchange phone numbers or e-mails.

He could spot Gilbert hanging out in a corner with Francis and Antonio, laughing about something the Spaniard was saying. Lovino stood nearby, alternating between shooting glares at Antonio and Ludwig, who was being followed around by Feliciano. The German teen looked hopelessly frazzled as he tried to get the Italian to release his arm.

Across the room, Soren and Nikolai were fighting about something or other while Isak quietly looked on from the couch. Leon and Yong Soo were on either side of the Nordic teen, playing on their handheld game systems. Not too far away Jack and Kiwi had a map spread out and were discussing what they wanted to do while they were in town.

In the very middle of the room Alfred, Arthur, and Kiku were playing a board game with Sheila. It was Candyland.

Matthew managed to get through the room without being drawn into a conversation and when he entered the kitchen it was to the sight of his mom discussing recipes and food with Katyusha, while his dad rambled on about what sounded like American football to a very confused-looking Ivan.

“Ivan’s a hockey player, dad,” Matthew informed him. “He’s not interested in your American football.”

Ivan brightened at the sight of him. “Matvey! Good morning!”

Katyusha broke away from the conversation for a brief moment to skip over and give Matthew a big hug. “Your mom is going to teach me to make a soufflé! I promised to teach her to make borscht in exchange! Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Sounds like fun,” Matthew said with a smile. “Guess we’ll have an interesting dinner, eh? Just make sure you make something German or else Gilbert will complain.”

Katyusha nodded and giggled before hurrying back to Ms. Williams side, eager to continue their conversation. Matthew decided to join his dad and Ivan at the kitchen table.

“So what are your plans for the day, Matthew?” Mr. Jones asked.

He shrugged. “I don’t know yet. I figure I’ll hang out around here, make sure Nikolai doesn’t kill Soren, keep Gilbert from doing anything too stupid. The usual.”

As cursing and several loud thuds erupted from the living room, Matthew silently amended his plan to taking the first chance he could to get out of the house. He didn’t care who was the first to leave the house or what they would be doing, he was going with them.

“What about you, Ivan?” Matthew asked. “Do you have any plans?”

“I was thinking of helping out Katyusha and Miss Katherine. I can carry groceries!” Ivan seemed very pleased by his words, looking to his sister for approval. He pouted when she didn’t answer, too busy enthusiastically looking over a cookbook.

The thought of getting out of the house, even if it was to go grocery shopping, brought a smile to Matthew’s face. “Maybe I’ll help too. It’s been a while since I really cooked anything. At the apartment we mostly have pancakes, frozen food, fast food, and whatever Francis and Yao send over to us when they make too much food.”

“But it’s your birthday!” Katyusha said, tuning in to listen to what the Canadian was saying. “You should sit back and relax! Both of you should. Why don’t you go see what everyone else is doing?”

Ivan and Matthew both glanced towards the living room and decided against going in there when a shriek arose.

“I-I think I’ll stay in here,” Matthew said, wondering if it was really such a good idea to not go make sure the living room wasn’t being destroyed.

Ivan nodded in agreement. “I want to stay here too. It’s much more…peaceful.”

Matthew got the feeling that his friend was doing his best to remain polite and not mention how he would most likely punch Alfred in the face if he was forced to spend time with him. He felt thankful for his friend’s tact.

To pass the time and ignore the chaos of the other room, Matthew and Ivan began discussing the possibility of putting together a hockey team for their college. Mr. Jones continued to sit at the table with them, occasionally asking a question or making a comment.

“The real question is, how many people will be interested in making a team,” Matthew said. “There’s you and me and I might be able to convince Carlos to join. I think I can persuade Al into it too.”

Ivan raised an eyebrow. “Matvey, is that really a good idea?”

“It’d give you two an excuse to slam each other around. How else do you think I survived Christmas without killing him?” Matthew asked, giving his dad an apologetic look immediately after. “Sorry, dad, but being stuck inside with Al because he’s afraid to go out in the snow and hearing him complain about how much he dislikes… certain people who happen to be my good friends, isn’t my idea of fun.”

Mr. Jones chuckled. “Alfred has never been fond of the snow. I’m still surprised you got him out of the house to play hockey.”

“I just had to tell him it’s a contact sport and he was game,” Matthew said with a shrug. He turned his attention back to Ivan to carry on with their discussion. “So we have at least four potential people for a team.” He sighed heavily. “This would be so much easier if we were putting one together here. I’ve already got a good half a team I play with, though a few of them are on the team at their college…”

Ivan’s eyes lit up at the thought. “Can we play a game before I leave?”

Matthew nodded. “Sure. With my cousins here, we’ll be able to have two teams five-on-five for once. I’ll give the guys a call later and then check with the rink and see when we can get in there.”

“Would you mind if I came along to watch?” Mr. Jones asked. “I’ve seen Alfred play football and baseball, but haven’t seen you play anything yet.”

As he agreed to let his dad come watch, Matthew decided it would be best if he and Alfred were on the same team for once so they would’ve break out into a fight in the middle of the game. As much as he would miss the opportunity to check his brother into the boards, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make in order to play against Ivan. (After all, there was no way the Russian nor the American would work together for any reason.)

“Matvey is a very good hockey player,” Ivan happily informed Mr. Jones. “He’s small but fast and hits hard. Plus, he doesn’t stay angry after the game if I push him around. I very much enjoy playing against him.”

Matthew blushed at the praise. “I-I’m not that good. I just enjoy playing.”

As Ivan began to describe some of the great matches they’d played together to Mr. Jones, Matthew slouched in his seat and wished his friend would stop talking. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the Russian’s words, he just didn’t want to get his dad’s hopes up. What if he wasn’t at the top of his game during the match? He didn’t want his dad to be disappointed.

The doorbell rang.

Mrs. Williams and Katyusha continued talking, as did Ivan and Mr. Jones. The ruckus in the living room carried on, uninterrupted. Matthew sighed and stood up, murmuring that he would go answer the door.

His words went unnoticed.

Matthew quietly made his way to the front door, slipping down the hallway that was crowded with luggage and unwrapped gifts so he wouldn’t have to go through the chaos of the living room. When he finally opened the door, he found a red tulip thrust into his face, smacking him on the nose.

“U-um, Lars…?” Matthew asked, gently accepting the flower. “Not that I don’t appreciate you dropping by, but I thought you said you were busy today.” He waited patiently for an explanation, knowing his friend hadn’t lied to him intentionally. The Dutch man had the habit of changing his plans at the last minute.

Lars cleared his throat. “I changed my schedule around so I could come ask you something.”

Matthew looked at him, puzzled by what could possibly be so important for Lars to speak to him in person. “Okay…”

Allowing nothing to betray just how nervous he truly felt, Lars dove right into the question he’d spent several hours perfecting by speaking to a picture of his friend he kept in his wallet. He tried not to think of how his younger siblings had both teased him for doing so. “Would you like to go out with me? I was thinking we could go see a movie or go ice skating, whichever you’d prefer.”

Matthew was about to turn down the offer and explain that he couldn’t leave when he still had guests in the house, when he heard Soren scream and then the sound of shattering glass. He closed his eyes and began to slowly count to ten as Sheila began to cry and Jack started yelling at Nikolai. He gave up on counting before reaching five. “I think we have time for both,” he murmured. “Let me put this in a vase with the others and we can go.”

Lars offered him a rare smile in return. “Sounds good to me.”

-.-.-

Lars Peeters is going on a date with Matthew Williams
July 2, 2011 - 1:21 pm · Comment · Like
[Laura Peeters, Elizaveta Héderváry, and Zacharie Peeters like this]
Laura Peeters: Congrats, brother! Looks like all of your practice paid off!
1:34 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: WHAT
1:40 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Katherine Williams: Have fun! Don’t keep him out too late!
2:24 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Alfred F. Jones DUDE WTF
July 2, 2011 - 1:41 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: FUCK! UR NOT MATTIE!
1:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Dude, what is wrong with you?
1:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Matthew Williams DUDE WTF Y ARE U ON A DATE W/ PEETERS
July 2, 2011 - 1:42 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. WHAT
1:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Don’t do anything stupid, Gil.
1:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You can’t tell me what to do, Veta, you traitor!
1:46 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Francis B.: What is this? Darling Matthieu is on a date? When did this happen?
1:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I don’t know, but I don’t like it. Mattie’s not allowed to date!
1:49 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Well said! I think we should go spy on them and try to sabotage the date!
1:50 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Brilliant! Lets do it!
1:50 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: So, uh, where the hell are they?
1:51 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: FUCK
1:53 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: You two need to leave Matthew alone and let him enjoy himself. He’s probably gone because you’ve been ignoring him all day, which is exactly what I’ll do, Alfred, if you don’t get off your phone.
1:55 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Lame. I’ll find someone else to help me.
2:03 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s not a date, you hosers.
2:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

Things had calmed down at last at the Williams house. Francis had led the way out the door, anxious to get back to the USA and make sure Sadik and Heracles hadn’t destroyed the apartment building during one of their “wars”. Antonio had followed, dragging Lovino with him. The oldest of the Italian brothers had struggled and wiggled in the Spaniard’s grasp, eventually giving up and settling for yelling at Feliciano and screaming curses and threats at Ludwig.

Shortly after the three left, Jack hoisted Kiwi over his shoulder and marched out the door, yelling for Yong Soo to follow after him. The others were left to assume that, not only had Yong Soo gotten tired of trying to get Leon and Isak to be social, he’d also decided going out and doing crazy things with the Oceanic duo was the best way to conquer his boredom.

Leon and Isak were still on the couch, sitting awfully close to one another. They’d put their games away and were quietly talking, Leon smirking and Isak staring at him with a somewhat annoyed expression.

“Hey.” Nikolai tapped Isak on the shoulder, his eyes flickering briefly to the Asian sitting next to his younger brother. “We’re going out to get a new mirror for Aunt Katherine since this idiot broke it. Are you coming with us?”

A grinning Soren wrapped his arms around Nikolai’s shoulders. “Leave the lovebirds alone, Nik. I’m sure they’d rather stay here.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his grin not fading even when Nikolai elbowed him in the gut to get him to let go. He caught the annoyed glare sent in his direction by Isak and held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, I’m just saying that you two look really cozy for two people who’ve just met.”

“We’ve been penpals for, like, two years,” Leon informed him dryly.

The only indication of surprise Nikolai gave was a raised eyebrow. Soren, on the other hand, openly gaped at him.

“W-what? How-? But aren’t you here for Mattie’s birthday? I don’t get it!” Soren complained, lifting a hand to his head to grip his hair in frustration. “Hang on, explain this to me. You two are penpals? And it’s just a coincidence that you met up here?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. I mentioned I was visiting Canada and he asked me where. I told him it was Ontario and he mentioned a friend going back home to Canada for his birthday and we decided that we’d find a way to meet up.”

“Then I told him my friend’s name was Matthew Williams.” Leon took over the story. “So we didn’t have to find a way to meet up elsewhere.”

“I’m still surprised your brother let you come here, knowing you’d be meeting me,” Isak mentioned, turning to look at his friend.

Leon smirked. “Yao doesn’t know. He thinks I’m here to, like, keep an eye on Yong Soo.”

Nikolai considered asking what was so wrong about the teen meeting his baby brother but decided it wasn’t his business. Knowing his fiancé would have no qualms about questioning the Asian, he grabbed Soren by the collar of his shirt and began dragging him away.

“Wha- Ow, Nik! Hang on! I’m not done talking to them yet!”

“You can talk later. We’ll need all day to find a replacement mirror.”

“It won’t take that long to find a stupid square mirror!”

“Snow globes.”

Soren fell silent for a moment. “Oh. Right.”

Isak chuckled at the mention once he heard them leave the house. He caught sight of the somewhat curious expression on Leon’s face and decided to elaborate. “Soren broke one of my snow globes one year and Nikolai dragged him off to get a new one. According to him, Soren kept getting distracted and wandering off. He ended up in an IKEA at some point. We’re still not sure how, since it was three blocks in the opposite direction of the store they were going to.”

Leon appeared amused by the little story. “And I thought, like, my brother was weird.”

“Your brother is weird. And Soren’s not my brother!”

“Not yet,” Leon said with a smirk. How he loved seeing his Nordic friend get all flustered. In his opinion, that’s when he was the cutest. “If that ring on Nikolai’s finger is any indication, you’re going to have a brother-in-law soon.”

Isak scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, clearly annoyed that Leon had picked up on that. He pressed his back against the couch and looked away, dead set on not talking to the Asian for quite some time.

Leon wasn’t bothered. He was much better at the quiet game than his friend. It was only a matter of time before Isak’s annoyance reached a high point and he started talking again.

-.-.-

Feliciano happily skipped after Ludwig, humming a cheerful tune and not at all bothered by the glances of frustration the German occasionally cast in his direction. He was so happy to have found a new friend to talk to! It was much better than going home with Romano and the others. His brother always found something to scold him about. But Ludwig didn’t do that! He was so nice and strong. And he protected him from getting hit by anything earlier that day when everyone else was acting crazy!

He was determined to make it up to his new friend. There had to be something he could do to thank him! But what? What was he good at?

“Ve~ Ludwig, Ludwig!” Feliciano cheerfully sang, tugging on the taller teen’s shirt sleeve. “I want to teach you how to make pasta! Even fratello says I make the best! Would you like to learn? Please say yes!”

Ludwig stopped walking to look at the eccentric Italian who had been following him around since they first met. All he wanted to do was go home, take the dogs for a walk, and then relax with a good book while his brother was too distracted to bother him. If Feliciano joined him, he could count out any semblance of relaxation at home.

But the hopeful expression on Feliciano’s face - his smile and the fact that his amber eyes were wide open for once - had him agreeing before his brain could send orders to his mouth to just shut up.

“Er, ja, I suppose,” Ludwig said inelegantly. “That would be nice.”

The smile that lit up Feliciano’s face was one Ludwig would never forget.

“Really? Grazie! Let’s go see what ingredients you have! I wonder how much money fratello left me…” Feliciano pondered, reaching for his wallet.

Ludwig stopped him. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll take care of it.”

“Yay! Grazie, Ludwig!” Feliciano shouted, throwing his arms around the blond teen. “I promise I’ll teach you to make the best pasta in the world!”

Ludwig awkwardly hugged him back. As he did so, he caught sight of his brother watching them from around a corner, holding up his cell phone and smirking. Before he could say anything, he heard the tell-tale click of a picture being taken and then his brother cackled like the crazy person he was and ran off.

As Feliciano pulled away and began babbling about everything they would need, Ludwig vowed to find a way to rid the world of the photo Gilbert took.

-.-.-

Gilbert Beilschmidt Not awesome, Birdie. Not. Awesome.
3:14 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like

Alfred F. Jones to Kiku Honda Where’d you go, dude? Me and Artie have been looking for you everywhere.
3:48 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiku Honda: My apologies, Alfred-kun. Elizaveta-san invited me to join her for lunch. You and Arthur-san were talking at the time, so I didn’t want to interrupt you. I did sent a message.
3:50 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: lol sorry man. Just found the message you sent. My bad! Don’t worry about interrupting us next time. I’m sure it wasn’t all that important anyway.
3:52 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

Gilbert was bored. Completely and utterly bored. His brother was gone - off running around with that Italian boy. Veta had ditched him hours ago to hang out with that Japanese guy who came with Alfred and his grumpy English friend. Jack and Kiwi had run off, taking one of the Asian teens with them instead of invited him like always. Even Soren and Nikolai had left without inviting him. Soren always invited him! He always refused because Nikolai creeped him out, but he liked being asked! Then Alfred’s grumpy English friend dragged him out of the house demanding a tour of the area, leaving him all alone with the eerily quiet duo on the couch - not that he wanted to go with them! He’d rather baby-sit Matthew’s bratty little cousin Sheila than do that!

He was rather relieved when Sheila decided to cook with Mutti and Ivan’s hot sister that day. He wouldn’t have been able to handle baby-sitting duty. He was much too awesome for that.

Gilbert had tried to stalk his brother and the cute Italian so he could take pictures and tease his brother about it later, but Ludwig took the car and he, for once, had no one to drive him around.

Really, it was no surprise when he got bored with rearranging the furniture in Matthew’s room and wandered down to the kitchen in hopes of snagging a snack.

“Hey, Mutti,” he greeted.

Mrs. Williams glanced over and smiled. “Hello, Gilbert dear. I hope you didn’t rearrange Matthew’s room too awkwardly this time. I remember a time when you pushed everything together in the middle of the room and poor Mattie had to climb over everything to get to his bed.” She chuckled at the memory.

Gilbert smirked. “You’ll see.” He walked over to get a better look at what the two women were cooking, but before he could reach out and snag a bit of food, Mrs. Williams gently pushed him away.

“Not now, dear. Wait until we’re done cooking,” she said. “If you need something to do, why don’t you and Ivan spend some time together? I’m sure he’s had enough of Franklin’s rambling to last him a lifetime.”

Mr. Jones cracked a smile. “Now, now, I’m not that bad. You’ve never seemed to mind it.”

Mrs. Williams winked at him. “That’s what you think, sweetie.”

Slightly weirded out by the two of them flirting with one another, Gilbert slowly backed out of the kitchen. No way was he going to stick around and be forced to spend time with that damn Russian. He didn’t care if Matthew was friends with him, he would never get along with him.

“Ah, wait, I’ll go with you,” Ivan said, quickly standing up before Gilbert could sneak away. Anything was better than staying in that room.

Gilbert cursed under his breath and continued walking, well aware that Ivan was going to follow him. Why did Matthew leave him alone? Even better, why didn’t Matthew invite Ivan to tag along with him and fucking Peeters if he thought it was just a friendly outing? Now he was the one stuck with the Russian and there was no one else around who could intervene.

Matthew was so going to get it when he got back. Gilbert wasn’t sure what he’d do to his friend at that moment, but it would be something the Canadian would never forget, he was sure of it! He’d teach Mattie to leave him all alone!

“You don’t like me very much,” Ivan stated, sounding suspiciously polite. “But that’s okay. I don’t like you either.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes. “Great. Now that we’ve established that, go the fuck away.”

“No.”

Gilbert stopped walking and turned around to glare at Ivan. “Are you trying to piss me off on purpose?”

Isak and Leon quietly peered over the back of the couch to watch the two argue. Neither of the older boys noticed.

Ivan smiled, something alarmingly childish and not at all sincere. It sent shivers of terror down Gilbert’s spine. What the hell was wrong with Matthew? Why was he friends with this guy? He was fucking scary! He couldn’t back down though. Gilbert stood his ground, matching the creepy smile with his glare.

“No.” Ivan paused. “Ah, wait a moment, yes I am. It’s fun~” He giggled.

Fucking giggled.

Gilbert was going to have a very long talk with Matthew about what sort of people he should trust.

Ivan hummed. “You know, I think there’s one person I dislike more than you. I was looking forward to spending the day with Matvey but then he took him away.”

“Peeters,” Gilbert growled. “Damn. I hate to say it, but I feel the same. And worse! Mattie doesn’t even realize they’re on a date!”

Ivan’s eyes darkened. “Date? He asked Matvey out?”

“Yeah,” Gilbert said, crossing his arms over his chest. “How the hell is Mattie so clueless about it, though? Everyone else agrees that it’s a date, but somehow he still doesn’t think so. Maybe we should prove to him that it was when he gets back! Then he’ll be all awkward around Peeters and not want to hang out with him anymore!”

“Do you really think so?” Ivan asked with a tilt of his head.

Gilbert nodded. “The awesome me is never wrong! But we’ll need some help. As much as I hate to say it… we need Alfred.”

-.-.-

Elizaveta raised a finger to her lips, motioning for Kiku to be as quiet as possible. Both of them had a digital camera in their possession. Kiku’s was hanging securely from his neck, ready for use at any moment. Elizaveta’s was tucked away in a small bag at her side, easily accessible for use.

The two were pressed up against the side of the Beilschmidt house, half hidden by the bushes planted around it, crouching just under a partially open window. From there, they could easily hear the conversation between Ludwig and Feliciano as they made pasta in the kitchen.

Elizaveta cautiously stood so she could peer over the bottom of the window and see what was going on. To anyone watching her who didn’t know who she was, they would have thought she was trying to break into the house. Fortunately, the neighbours were used to seeing her do that sort of thing and brushed it off.

She smiled when she saw how Ludwig’s OCD had kicked in and he was wiping down the counters as Italy cooked. “Doesn’t look like they’ll pay any attention to us,” she whispered to Kiku. “Let’s get some good pictures!”

Kiku smiled and stood up, raising his camera in preparation.

-.-.-

When Matthew returned from his day out with Lars, he was completely unprepared for what was waiting for him. First, he walked into the kitchen in time to hear his mom tell embarrassing baby stories about him to Katyusha. Then, as he decided to avoid the living room altogether because he could hear Jack yelling loudly about something, he walked by the coat closet and heard strange noises. He didn’t bother questioning why he only heard those sounds when his cousins came to visit.
And then he made it upstairs to his room - his supposed sanctuary - to find his brother and friends waiting for him.

In addition, Gilbert had apparently taken it upon himself to rearrange his room again. He’d also added a bird cage.

“What’s going on…?” Matthew hesitantly asked. Something was seriously wrong if Alfred, Gilbert, and Ivan were in the same room and weren’t arguing.

Alfred crossed his arms over his chest. “We need to have a little talk, bro. About you and Peeters.”

“Me and-” Matthew cut himself off with a sigh. “For the last time, you guys, Lars and I were not on a date! I don’t know why you think we were!”

Gilbert nonchalantly tapped the hard screen of Matthew’s computer. “Lars Peeters is on a date with Matthew Williams.” He read in a sarcastic tone.

“Y-you’re making that up!” Matthew stammered. “Lars wouldn’t-” He paled when he got a closer look at the words on the screen and saw that his friend really wasn’t making things up. “But he never said it was a date! It can’t have been a date!”

“I hate to agree with them, but all of the facts point to it being one,” spoke up Arthur.

With a jolt of surprise, Matthew realized it wasn’t just his brother and two friends in the room. Arthur was there, sitting on the other side of the room with one of his many books, one leg crossed over the other. He looked at Matthew with sympathy in his green eyes.

“Let’s go over what we know, shall we?” Arthur said, closing his book with a faint snap. “Lars shows up with a flower for you and asks you to spend the day with him. What were his words exactly?”

Matthew thought back to earlier that day, trying to recall the precise way Lars had invited him to hang out for the day. “Well… I think what he said was ‘would you like to go out with - ‘ Oh.” He could feel his cheeks heating up from embarrassment and knew that they were slowly reddening.

“And from there you went ice skating and then a movie. I believe you skipped dinner, knowing Ms. Williams and Katyusha are cooking, but then you came back home and he walked you to the door. Am I right?” Arthur asked, ticking off each event with his fingers.

Matthew gaped in shock. “Yeah, but how did you know all of that?”

“Facebook, bro,” Alfred spoke up. “He posted it all on there. It was like he was trying to taunt us.”

“Fucking bastard,” Gilbert growled under his breath.

“Matvey, you don’t want to go on another date with him, do you?” Ivan asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

Matthew was silent for a moment, taking in the expectant looks from everyone in the room. He sighed heavily. “How many times am I going to have to say this before you understand? I only see Lars as a friend. I don’t want to date him. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll talk to him about this tomorrow.”

“And I’ll help,” Gilbert said with a grin, cracking his knuckles.

“No,” said Matthew. “Absolutely not. I will do this by myself. If I see any one of you nearby when I do this, I will crosscheck you when you least expect it!”

Everyone but Arthur flinched.

“Now that we’ve cleared that up…” Matthew narrowed his eyes at Gilbert. “I’m not even going to ask why you rearranged my room. I’m used to that. What I want to know is why there’s a birdcage in my room.”

Gilbert’s grin returned, even broader than before. “Remember Birtilda?”

Matthew groaned. “Gil, I’m not taking in one of your birds. Especially not one you named after me!”

“Oh, it’s not for Birtilda. It’s for one of her and Gilbird’s awesome babies! She laid eggs!” Gilbert said excitedly. “And since you’re my best friend, you get one of them once they hatch!”

Somehow, Matthew was able to refrain from screaming in frustration.

Chapter Text

Summer Antics

It was the first time Matthew could remember not looking forward to seeing Lars. After learning that the Dutch man thought they’d been on a date the day before, he knew he had to rectify the mistake. He just had to hope his friend wouldn’t take it badly.

That and he had to find a way to keep Alfred and Gilbert from following him. Seriously, what was their problem with the idea of him going on a date? He was his own person! He could date if he wanted to! He just didn’t want to.

And just because he hadn’t realized it was a date didn’t mean they could keep making fun of him for it! He had no reason to think it was. Lars was always asking him to hang out. He figured it was just his friend rescuing him from the chaos of his family and Gilbert like always.

With a sigh, Matthew stepped up onto the front porch and rang the doorbell. He didn’t have the wait long before the door was opened by the youngest of the Peeters siblings, Zacharie. The teenager was in the process of buttoning up his shirt and adjusting his tie in preparation for his job as a waiter at one of the diners in town. Matthew caught sight of Laura darting past the hallway.

Zacharie took one look at him and then turned around and called for Lars. It didn’t take the older boy longer than a minute to join them at the front door and then Zacharie bid Matthew good day and then left for another part of the house, giving them some privacy.

Lars smiled, pleasantly surprised by his friend’s visit. “Good morning, Matthew. Come in.” He stepped back and held the door wide open, but the younger male didn’t move. “Is something wrong?”

Matthew shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not staying long. I, um, just wanted to talk about yesterday. About our…” He hesitated and unintentionally lowered his voice. “Our date.”

Lars remained silent, fighting off the urge to tease the younger man. He was just too cute for his own good sometimes. It was the initial reason he liked the Canadian.

His heart sank as Matthew began to fidget and stammer out that he hadn’t known it was a date. It only figured that the first time he was able to gather his courage to ask him on a date, Matthew hadn’t realized exactly what was going on.

Maybe it was his own fault for not making it clear enough. He knew how oblivious the other blond could be when it came to romance. He’d seen it time and time again.

On the bright side, Matthew did find out about it being a date and had come to visit instead of calling him or sending him a text or e-mail, which meant there was still some shred of hope.

“Matthew,” Lars interrupted his friend’s rambling. “I understand.”

Matthew relaxed. “Thanks. You’re not mad, are you? I did say I’d go out with you again, though I didn’t think you meant on a date.”

Lars waved off the concern. “It’s fine. I still want to hang out over the summer, that hasn’t changed. If you feel uncomfortable, you can invite someone who isn’t Beilschmidt to join us.”

Matthew couldn’t help but laugh. He doubted he would ever make the mistake of trying to get the two to spend time together again. “I think I’ll be fine. Though I can’t promise we won’t be followed by Alfred and Gilbert. I think they were more bothered by it than I was.” He paused a moment, not surprised to see a flicker of irritation cross Lars’s face at the mention of the troublesome duo. “I’m getting some people together for a hockey game tomorrow. Ivan wants to play before he and Katyusha go back to America and I promised to get two teams together. You interested?”

How could Lars possibly pass up the opportunity to slam Gilbert into Plexiglas walls?

Lars nodded. “Let me know when you have a time figured out.”

“I will,” Matthew promised, taking a step backwards as he made to leave. He bid hi friend goodbye and hurried back to his car.

Lars watched him walk away and waved as the younger man backed out of the driveway.

No matter how much time it took, he would get another date with Matthew. And next time he’d make sure his friend knew it was a date and not some friendly outing.

-.-.-

“So how’d Peeters take it?” Gilbert asked the moment Matthew returned home. He was standing in the front hall with his arms crossed over his chest.

Matthew rolled his eyes as he shut the door. “He took it fine, Gil. Though it’s really not your business.”

“I’m your best friend! Of course it’s my business!” Gilbert exclaimed. His mood didn’t last long. “Anyway you’re back just in time. Vater came home and he has gifts for us! He wouldn’t let us open them without you.”

Matthew smiled. Nothing could make his friend happier than Mr. Beilschmidt coming home after being away on business. It wasn’t just because of the gifts, though that was a plus. It was also the first time he would be home close to Matthew’s birthday.

“That’s nice of him,” Matthew said as he kicked off his shoes. He frowned when he noticed how quiet the house was. With all of the cars in the driveway, there was no reason for the house to be almost silent, especially since that meant Jack, Soren, and Alfred were in the same vicinity. Matthew doubted that any of them knew the meaning of the word “quiet”.

He wearily walked down the hall with Gilbert hoping he wasn’t about to be ambushed again. When he entered the kitchen to see most of his family chatting pleasantly at the table, the feeling of wrongness multiplied.

Then Jack ran past the sliding glass door with a bowl of water balloons an Kiwi followed with the hose and Matthew relaxed. It seemed things were perfectly normal and that they’d decided to take their loudness outside for once.

Matthew decided to ignore the craziness going on outside as Yong Soo and Ivan joined the fray with water guns. He directed his attention to the kitchen table, where his mom was sitting between Mr. Jones and Mr. Beilschmidt. Ludwig was to his father’s left, followed by Soren and Nikolai. Isak was sitting next to his brother and Leon was across from him. The two younger teens were flicking a paper football back and forth.

He smiled at Mr. Beilschmidt. “How was your trip?”

“It went well,” replied Mr. Beilschmidt. “I picked up a few things when I stopped in Germany.” He gestured to the three wrapped gifts on the table.

Gilbert eagerly snatched up the long black-and-white present. “We can open them now, right? Mattie’s here, Luddy’s here, and I’m here.”

“Ja. Go ahead.”

Gilbert cackled happily and ripped apart the wrapping paper, revealing a new swrod to ad to his collection. His eyes gleamed as he held it up and slowly slid it out of its sheath. “German reproduction?” He asked, shooting his father a glance.

“Prussian,” said Mr. Beilschmidt.

Gilbert’s grin grew broader. “Seriously? This is so awesome!”

Ludwig silently handed Matthew the package wrapped in blue keeping the black, red, and yellow one for himself. They began opening them while Gilbert admired his newest sword.

“I’ve got a pretty cool axe collection back home,” Soren bragged. “Remind me to send pictures to you some time.”

“Ve~ Antonio has one in his room,” Feliciano said. “It’s really big!”

Ludwig pulled away the last bit of wrapping paper to reveal a set of books in German. The one on top appeared to be about dog training. “Danke, Vater,” he said, shuffling the books around to look at the covers and see what they were about. One of them had him blushing and he quickly hid it from sight. Fortunately for him, Gilbert was too busy ogling his sword to remember.

“Matthew, I only got part of yours in Germany,” Mr. Beilschmidt said as the Canadian began to open the box the wrapping paper had been hiding.

The first thing Matthew saw was three pucks, each in its own see-through plastic box. Curious, he picked up one of them to get a better look. His jaw dropped when he saw the signature of the captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Looking at the others, he found they were also signed by various players on his favourite team.

A strange squeaking sound escaped his throat and he hurriedly set down the boxes so he could hug Mr. Beilschmidt. “Thank you so much!”

Mr. Jones frowned.

Mr. Beilschmidt chuckled. “You’re welcome. There’s still more.”

Matthew pulled away so he could check underneath the signed pucks. He wasn’t too surprised to find a pair of books in German and hoped he remembered enough of the language to be able to read them. Gilbert would never let him live it down if he had to ask for help to translate them.

“Danke,” Matthew said with a smile.

“Better brush up on your German, Birdie,” Gilbert said with a teasing cackle. He slid his sword back into the sheath. “Want me to help?”

“No,” Matthew responded. “Especially not after last time.”

Gilbert grinned, but said nothing more about it.

“Why don’t you boys go put up your gifts while I get started on lunch,” suggested Ms. Williams. “Nikolai, would you like to help me?”

Nikolai nodded, placing his hands on the table as he stood. The glint of the jewellery on his hand caught the attention of Mr. Beilschmidt, who looked between the Norwegian and Soren with a hint of amusement on his face.

“So, I suppose there is a ‘congratulations’ in order,” he remarked. At the confused looks of everyone in the room, he nodded towards Nikolai. “That’s an engagement ring, is it not?”

Soren grinned nervously. Nikolai looked down, trying to avoid looking at everyone as a tinge of pink colored his cheeks.

“E-engaged?” Ms. Williams questioned, her voice going a little high.

Matthew and Gilbert gaped at the two of them, too surprised to say anything. Ludwig stared in surprise. Isak and Leon continued with their game of paper football. Mr. Jones froe up with a choked sound, staring at the two with wide blue eyes.

Jack took that moment to slide open the glass door. “Hey, Auntie K, can we—whoa, what’s going on here?”

“Mr. Beilschmidt just foiled Nikolai’s plan to not tell anyone about his engagement to Soren,” Isak said in a bored tone.

“Oh, okay,” Jack said with a nod. He withdrew his head and shut the door. It wasn’t even two seconds before he was back. “Wait, what? Engaged?” He asked in disbelief. “Hey… Hey, Kiwi! Kiwi, you’re never going to believe this!” He ran off again, forgetting to shut the door behind him.

Nikolai cast a cross look at his brother as chaos once again descended upon the Williams house.

-.-.-

Matthew skated slowly around the rink with everyone else he’d gathered to play a little game of hockey, adjusting his gloves and getting used to the feel of the ice and some of his new gear. He switched his hockey stick between hands, testing his grip.

Timo Väinämöinen skated quickly past him, making his way over to glide alongside the hulking form of Berwald Oxenstierna. Matthew spotted Nikolaia and Isak moving along at a nice pace near each other, quietly talking as Soren rushed across the ice towards them with a broad grin on his face. Alfred and Yong Soo were over by one of the benches talking to Arthur, Kiku, Feliciano (who‘d only tagged along to cheer on Ludwig), and Mr. Jones, Alfred demonstrating various ways to obtain penalties using the hockey stick he borrowed from Ludwig. Gilbert, Jack, and Kiwi were racing each other up and down the rink, dodging out of the way of everyone else like it was some sort of game. Ludwig and Lars were setting up the goal nets, making sure they were properly on their moorings.

He grinned when he saw Ivan amble out onto the ice in gear borrowed from Berwald.

They were all wearing either white or black pads and black shorts, but none of them were wearing jersey’s, though that would soon change.

A whistle was blown as three skaters in black and white arrived on the ice, each with a cardboard box. One was a very familiar figure, whose long brown hair had been pulled up into a ponytail for the occasion. The other two were a pair of blonds who looked so similar that most people assumed they were twins.

“Gather around!” Elizaveta called cheerfully, putting down her box at center ice. “Time to pick teams!”

“Hello, Vash,” Matthew greeted the only male referee. He got a scowl in response, but didn’t let it bother him. That was just how the Swiss man was. “I’m Blue captain and Ivan’s going to be Red.”

Vash’s little sister Lilli dug through the box clearly labeled ‘Blue’ in search of the captain jersey. Meanwhile, Elizaveta searched out the red one.
Matthew turned to address his friends, a little worried about how they would take his next few words. Timo already looked unhappy with the way things were going, as he was usually the other captain.

“I-I know we don’t usually do this, but since Ivan hasn’t played with us before, I put together some tentative teams last night, just to make sure they’re well-balanced. We can change it if anyone has a problem.” He paused, giving everyone a chance to protest if they wanted. No one did. “O-okay then. Berwald, you’re with me. Ludwig, with Ivan.”

The two goalies nodded in understanding, each accepting the jersey tossed their way. They then each skated off to their respective benches to begin putting on the extra padding they would need, as well as to pick out their hockey sticks and choose a helmet.

“Timo, with me. Soren, with Ivan.”

The Finnish man relaxed, feeling a little happier as he accepted a blue one from Lilli. Soren smirked, pleased with the opportunity to play against Berwald.

“I get Jack and Kiwi is with Ivan.”

“You’re going down,” Jack told the New Zealander with a grin.

“We’ll see,” replied Kiwi.

Matthew cleared his throat. “Alfred, you’re with me. Nikolai, with Ivan.”

Alfred blinked in surprise as he accepted a blue jersey, while Nikolai showed nothing but nonchalance. In all the times Alfred had played hockey with his brother, not once had they been placed on the same team. Not that he wasn’t happy about it, especially since it meant he didn’t have to work together with Ivan, but it was still weird.

Gilbert, meanwhile, was getting nervous. It was down to just him, Lars, Yong Soo, and Isak. Why was Birdie taking so long to get to him? They had to be on the same team, right? Birdie wouldn’t really put him with Ivan, would he?

“Isak, you’re with Ivan. Gilbert, with me.”

The albino let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Yong Soo, you’re the sub for my team. Lars, you’ll be with Ivan.”

“Sweet!” Yong Soo exclaimed. “What’s that mean?”

Matthew chuckled. “It means if Kiwi takes out Jack, you take Jack’s place.”

Kiwi smirked at the Australian, who pouted at the very notion of being beaten by the smaller teen.

“Enough talking,” Vash interrupted in his usual grumpy manner. “Each team gets ten minutes to talk and ten minutes to practice plays.”

The two teams split up as they skated over to the benches, ready to get the game underway. Elizaveta and Lillie removed the boxes from the ice, vanishing for a few seconds to put them away.

Matthew playfully nudged Gilbert as they skated over to their bench. “You looked nervous.”

Gilbert scoffed, pushing him back. “Yeah right. I knew you’d pick me!”

“Only because if I’d put you with Ivan, you would’ve spent the entire time sabotaging him,” Matthew replied, sliding to a stop just in front of the bench. He waited until everyone had gathered around him, ready to hear what he had to say. “I already talked to Ivan about how we’ll split up practice time. We’re going to do five minutes of practice while he gets to know his team and then we’ll switch off. It’s an unusual way of doing things, but we’re used to playing together and this will be Ivan’s first time leading them.”

“Is he any good?” Timo asked, adjusting his glove.

Matthew smiled grimly. “Let me put it this way, I’ve gone up against him every game I’ve played in America and he foils the majority of my plays on his own. He nearly knocked out one of my teeth one game.”

Gilbert scowled and muttered, “I’ll knock out his teeth.” as he picked up his hockey stick.

“You won’t,” Matthew said in a warning tone. “Don’t give Vash a reason to give you a penalty. Neither of you.” He gave Alfred a look and wasn’t at all convinced by the innocent expression his brother wore. “Everyone ready to get out on the ice? Berwald?”

The Swede nodded as Timo finished helping him strap on his pads.

Together, the Blue team hit the ice for a very brief practice. They ran through a quick play with Matthew shouting out directions to benefit Kiwi and Yong Soo, who were the least experienced with the game. Timo managed to smack the puck towards the goal, but it clipped off the bar and rolled away before Berwald could cover it. Alfred was the next to make a strike. The puck caught Berwald in the chest and he fumbled to get it in his glove. Gilbert and Jack rushed to the net, seeing the opportunity to score a goal, but Berwald dropped the puck and covered it with his glove before they could get their sticks on it.

Ivan caught Matthew’s eye and waved, signalling he was ready to do some practice with his team on the ice. The Canadian nodded and called for his team to hit the bench. They did so with some disappointment, though they understood the others needed a little more time to work out their dynamics.

“I think we’ll be okay,” Matthew said as his team sat down. “Berwald, is everything fine with your new pads?”

He nodded. “S’just a little stiff.”

“Are you going to tell us what to watch out for with Ivan or not?” Gilbert asked loudly.

“Oh, right. Yeah.” Matthew fidgeted with his glove for a moment, casting a glance onto the ice to see how Ivan was handling things. It took a nudge from Alfred to get him to focus. “Ivan’s a really versatile player, though he’s best as a forward, so don’t be surprised to see him hang back to guard the net. He plays a very physical game. Timo, I know you want to play defense but I’m going to need your help with Ivan too.”

Timo grinned, revealing that one of his front teeth were missing due to a hockey game played two years previous. Matthew remembered that day clearly. He’d been the one to knock it loose. “You got it, captain.”

“Great,” Matthew said, relaxing a little. “Don’t be afraid of him and don’t let him bait you into doing something stupid. The less penalties we take, the better.”

“Nice pep talk, captain,” teased Jack.

“It’s better than your football pep talks,” Matthew told his cousin.

Alfred perked up at the mention of one of his favourite sports. “I didn’t know you play football! You should’ve said something!”

“Soccer, Al,” Matthew muttered with a roll of his eyes. “Now focus. We still have to discuss plays.”

-.-.-

For the first time since Matthew returned for summer break, Gilbert wasn’t spending the day over at the Williams house. There wasn’t much point, since his best friend had left to spend the day with Jack and Kiwi, since they were planning on leaving that night.

Soren, Nikolai, and Isak had left the day after the hockey game, which meant he didn’t have any other cool people to spend time with. That same day, Ivan and Katyusha packed up to drive back to America, taking Yong Soo and Leon with them. Elizaveta was also busy doing something. Ludwig was working, so he couldn’t bother him. As there was no way he was going to spend any prolonged time with Alfred, his only option was to stay at home all day.

Gilbert yawned as he tromped into the kitchen in search of food. It felt kind of nice to have the house to himself for once. Plus, he didn’t have to worry about protecting Matthew from anyone. Ivan was gone, eliminating his biggest threat (other than Lars.) Yong Soo, who he’d noticed was a rather touchy-feely type of person, was also gone because Leon hadn’t wanted to stick around after Isak left. He didn’t need to worry about Arthur or Kiku, who were clearing staying in order to spend time with Alfred. As for Feliciano, who had refused Lovino’s multiple phone calls demanding that he return home, Gilbert felt it was more likely he’d need to protect Ludwig from the Italian’s affections.

And he would, if only it weren’t so damn funny.

Gilbert opened the refrigerator, peering inside to see what they had to eat. It was almost empty, even though Ludwig had bough groceries barely a week before. He closed it with a sigh, debating whether or not to go see was Mutti was making for lunch.

He turned around, wanting to check the pantry first, and practically jumped a foot in the air when he came face-to-face with Feliciano.

“H-hey, kiddo,” Gilbert stammered, slightly weirded out by how quiet the teen was being.

“Ve~ Good afternoon, Gilbert!” Feliciano greeted with a bright smile. “Is Ludwig here?”

Gilbert glanced at the clock and took a moment to recall what day it was. “He’s at work right now. I’m not sure when he gets off.”

Feliciano dropped his eyes to the ground, his smile fading. “Oh….”

Unable to stand the sadness emanating from the Italian, Gilbert scrambled for words to cheer him up. “How about you and me spend some time together until he gets home? I’ll tell you awesome baby stories about West while we eat lunch.”

That seemed to perk Feliciano back up. He lifted his head and smiled gratefully at Gilbert. “I’d like that! So what are we having for lunch? Pasta? You like pasta, right? Can I make you some?”

Gilbert laughed and nodded, turning the teen loose in Ludwig’s very clean kitchen.

-.-.-

“Ve~ He’s so cute!” Feliciano cooed after Gilbert turned to the next page in the Beilschmidt family album.

Gilbert laughed. “I remember that! West was so shy when we moved here. He followed me around all the time. Him and Mattie both. Like adorable little chicks!”
His words sent Feliciano into a fit of laughter.

That was around the time Ludwig returned home from work, eager to fix a simple snack and spend some time with his dogs. When he heard Feliciano laughing and Gilbert talking, dread welled within him. He walked into the living room and braced himself for the worst.

It was worse than he thought.

Not only was Gilbert in the room showing pictures to Feliciano, his Vater and Ms. Williams were also there and he knew both of them would willingly divulge any stories of his childhood that Gilbert had forgotten.

Gilbert spotted him first and smirked, his carmine eyes glittering with amusement. “Hey, Feli, have I mentioned the time West decided to wanted to grow up to be a superhero?”

“Really? That sounds so cute!” Feliciano said.

“I remember that,” Ms. Williams said with a giggle. “I think I still have the cape I made for him.”

To Ludwig’s mortification, his dad chuckled and added a bit more to the story. The fact that it was partly at Gilbert’s expense did nothing to help.

“I remember Gilbert telling him that if he believed in the power of the cape, he’d be able to fly. Ludwig spent the entire summer jumping down from high places,” Mr. Beilschmidt said, sounding amused.

Feliciano glanced up, maybe to ask Ms. Williams to find the cape, and caught sight of Ludwig standing frozen in the doorway. He beamed, not taking any notice of his new friend’s humiliation. “Ludwig! Gilbert’s been telling me all sorts of stories about when you were a kid! You were so cute! Oh! You should come visit me in America and I’ll show you pictures of me when I was a kid! I bet Grandpa and Lovino have all kinds of stories they could tell you!” He giggled and looked to Gilbert. “You should visit too! Grandpa loved meeting you last time! He thought you were funny!” Before the albino had a chance to say anything, Feliciano jumped to his feet and ran over to Ludwig. “You’ll come visit, won’t you? I can show you around and make lots of pasta! It would be fun!”

Ludwig couldn’t bring himself to say no, to the amusement of his family. “…ja. Er, yes. That would be, um… nice.”

“Yay~!”

Gilbert fell over laughing at the bright red that overtook Ludwig’s face when Feliciano hugged him.

-.-.-

A panicked call from Timo a week after their hockey game was something Matthew hadn’t expected, and he’d dealt with a lot of strange and panicked calls over the years. (Mostly from Gilbert and, more recently, Alfred.) The nature of the call was even stranger.

“Matt! You’ve got to help me! Berwald asked me on a date and I said yes but only if we make it a double date because I’m nervous about being alone with him, but I don’t know any couples who aren’t afraid of him and I know you aren’t so could you go on a double date with us?”

Matthew was silent for a moment as he tried to decipher what had been said. It never failed to surprise him just how quickly Timo could talk.

All at once, he made sense of his friend’s words.

“You want me to go on a double date with you and Berwald?” He repeated faintly. “But I’m not dating anyone!”

“But didn’t you go out with Lars last week?” Timo asked.

Matthew blushed, recalled how he hadn’t realized the Dutch man was asking him on a date. “That was sort of a mix-up. We’re not dating.”

“Matt, you’re the only one I know who can help me out.”

The desperation in Timo’s voice was evident. Matthew wondered why the Finn had agreed to go on a date with Berwald if he was so nervous about it.

“What about Gilbert?” Timo asked. “He’s your best friend. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, especially if you explain the situation. Please, Matt.”

Matthew sighed. “Alright, I’ll help you. But I’m not asking Gilbert. That would be begging for trouble. Plus, he’s been really weird since the whole Lars asking me out thing and I don’t want to start that up again. I’ll find someone. Maybe Elizaveta or Laura.”

“You’re the greatest friend in the world!” Timo happily exclaimed. “The dates tomorrow at seven. We’re going for dinner and then a movie. Oh, and can you do me one more favour?”

“Sure,” Matthew said, figuring it wouldn’t be anything too bad.

Timo took a deep breath. “Don’t let me drink any alcohol while we’re out. I-I won’t be able to resist if I’m asked, so just make sure I don’t.”

Matthew paled, remembering the last time someone had tried to keep him away from beer. It hadn’t been pretty. Granted, the guy had taunted him with it and kind of deserved to have his nose broken for it, but Matthew had to admit that chasing him around pelting him with peanuts was a bit much, as was throwing a plastic cup of beer at his head.

“Matt? You still there?”

“Y-yeah,” Matthew replied. “I’ll try.”

Timo thanked him profusely, promising to find a way to make it up to him, and then ended the call after telling him the location of the restaurant. Matthew sighed as he set down his mobile phone, wondering who he could ask out without it causing chaos.

-.-.-

“Sorry, Matt. If you want a date, why don’t you ask my brother? He wouldn’t mind.”

“I wish I could, but I have, um, work then. Yeah, I have to work that night! Pity, really. You know I’d love to help you out, but I just can’t. Have you asked Lars? I’m sure he’d be thrilled to go.”

Those were the replies he got from Laura and Elizaveta when he explained the situation he’d gotten himself into. While he understood why Laura turned him down, he didn’t buy Elizaveta’s excuse for one second. She was planning something and he hoped he never found out what it was.

It was beginning to look like he would have to ask Gilbert or Lars, though he really didn’t want to. Gilbert was his best friend and probably would go with him, though he hated to think about how much he would tease Timo and Berwald. Matthew also knew that if he went with Gilbert and Lars found out about it, things would be even worse between the two of them. (And Lars would find out. Gilbert would make sure of it.) Asking Lars would end just as badly. Plus, Matthew didn’t want to take advantage of how much his friend liked him, when he didn’t feel the same.

Matthew groaned as he flopped backwards on his bed, wishing he was friends with more than two girls. “What am I going to do?” He asked, unaware of the fact that Arthur had just walked into the room.

“Something wrong, Matthew?” Arthur asked.

Matthew sat up and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “No, I just--” He stopped talking suddenly, staring at Arthur as if he’d never seen him before.

The Englishman shifted uncomfortably. “What are you looking at me like that? And don’t tell me it’s nothing! I know that look. It’s the same one Alfred gets when he thinks of something ridiculous.”

“Arthur, I need you to go on a date with me.”

-.-.-

It was only a matter of time before Gilbert and Alfred found out about the double date. Thankfully, it wasn’t until Matthew and Arthur left together, without saying a word, that they realized something wasn’t right. It was just Kiku’s luck that he got dragged into it.

For once Gilbert got lucky and Ludwig was home for the night, which mean the could “borrow” the car.

Kiku personally thought they were taking things a little too far. He didn’t mind following them and spying on them from a distance, but the “disguises” they had chosen were so outrageously obvious that he didn’t see how they would be able to pull it off.

Alfred narrowed his eyes as Timo and Berwald exited the diner, followed by Arthur and Matthew. “Are they holding hands?”

Kiku looked up from the text he was typing to Elizaveta. Sure enough, Arthur and Matthew were holding hands as they walked through the parking lot together, leaning their heads together as they whispered back and forth. He glanced at Alfred, wondering if he would have to keep his friend from doing something stupid, like running over to interrupt them.

Gilbert stood up abruptly. Before he could do anything rash, Kiku and Alfred grabbed onto him and tried to force him to sit back down.

“What are you doing?” Gilbert demanded. “Let go! How can you just sit here and let this happen?”

“Shut up before you give us away!” Alfred hissed, using all of his strength to force the albino back into his seat. “I don’t like this any more than you do, but if they see us then we’ll never find out what’s going on!”

Kiku didn’t try to bring up the fact that they could just ask the pair once they got home. He’d mentioned it twice and was met by cross expressions each time. He’d known Alfred long enough to know that in situations like that, it was best to let things run their course and interfere only when necessary.

Gilbert began to grumble something about “stupid British men” and Alfred gave up on holding him back and in instead shoved him out of his seat. Naturally, Gilbert responded with a kick and soon the two of them were scuffling around on the ground, cursing at one another.

Kiku sighed and continued typing his message to Elizaveta.

-.-.-

Matthew couldn’t deny that he’d had an interesting and fun summer. He’d gone on a date with Lars without realizing it; gotten some of the guys together for a hockey game; watched his dad and Mr. Beilschmidt quietly compete for his mom’s attention; helped his friend Timo by going on a double date; and spent many hours in the company of his brother and good friends.

Plus, there was the morning when Mr. Beilschmidt outed Nikolai and Soren when he noticed the two were engaged, which Gilbert was still bringing up. Feliciano following Ludwig around all the time was another highlight of the summer. (Matthew and Gilbert had walked in on them cuddling on the couch one evening watching a program about dogs. Talk about awkward.)

Summer vacation was beginning to wind to a close. They could all feel it.

Alfred had been packed up for about a week, overeager to get home to America and settle back in before the semester started. Kiku, who hadn’t unpacked to begin with, had started arranging his bags in a tidy pile every morning.

On the other hand, Matthew and, strangely enough, Arthur seemed to be putting off packing until the very last minute. Feliciano was almost as bad, though he had his own strange way of organizing his belongings and could find whatever he needed in a matter of seconds.

“Matthew, you really do need to start packing,” Ms. Williams said with a sigh. “You leave in two days.”

“I’ll get it done,” Matthew replied dismissively. He ignored her frown as he quickly washed the remnants of maple syrup from his breakfast plate and then stuck it in the dishwasher. “I’m off to see Lars. I’ll see you this evening. Please don’t let Gilbert put his birds in my room just because it’s ‘safer’ than his own.”

That had been another interesting addition to his summer.

Thanks to their trip to New Prussia, Gilbert had acquired a female bird to be a companion to Gilbird. Much to Matthew’s annoyance, hid friend had named it Birtilda. It came as no real surprise when Birtilda laid eggs and since then Gilbert had become obsessed with keeping them safe and warm.

Gilbert had promised one of the chicks to him, even though Matthew had asked - begged - him not to. If he ever sent one of them down to Matthew, he would personally drive it back up to Canada to return it and then he’d kill his friend. He was tired of random animals appearing in the apartment he shared with Alfred.

With two days left of his summer vacation in Canada, he was making sure to spend time with each of his friends and let them know he wouldn't be communicating using written letters for his final year in America and would be responding to e-mails and messages on facebook. Lars was first on his list and he’d also promised an hour or two to Laura, who had insisted that he help her with something.

His plans for the next day were to spend some time with his old hockey team, not to play a game, but to drive out to the nearest city and hang out at an arcade, among other things. Despite having never played on the high school team, Gilbert managed to slither his way into the trip. The other guys seemed more amused than annoyed and had welcomed his company.

For his last evening and morning, the only plans he made were to relax at home and watch Kiku best everyone at video games while Elizaveta forced everyone to let her paint their nails. It would be the perfect ending.

Matthew sighed when he saw that his keys were not hanging in the box where he’d left them.

“GILBERT!”

Chapter Text

3rd Semester part 1

Facebook

Matthew Williams made it back to the apartment in one piece.
August 10, 2011 - 5:34 pm · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: That was fast. Jones didn’t make you go on any ridiculous side trips?
5:42 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: No.
5:45 pm · Like
Matthew Williams:The only time that happens is when you and me go on road trips and you see something interesting and poke me until I give in.
5:46 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: So what you’re saying is, I make road trips awesome!
5:47 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Sure, Gil.
5:48 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones making a fort of couch cushions with Arthur Kirkland!
August 11, 2011 - 12:12 pm · Comment · Like

Matthew Williams I feel like I’m rooming with a child.
August 11, 2011 - 12:25 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: There’s nothing wrong with building a fort out of cushions! It’s fun! You should join us.
12:31 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: No thanks. And how’d you convince Arthur?
12:33 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I’m very persuasive.
12:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: You don’t have him tied up in there, do you?
12:36 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Of course not! I’d never do that!
Matthew Williams:Why do I hear muffled yelling?
12:40 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: No reason.
12:41 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: :)
12:41 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

E-mail

8/15/2011 - 10:22 pm

Dear Mom,
I start work at the ice cream shop tomorrow. Carlos has been trying to get me to apply there since last year, so I finally did. He must have put in one amazing recommendation for me since I went in for the interview yesterday and got a call about an hour after I got back saying I got the job. Carlos took me out to celebrate. I think we spent 3 hours talking and trying different types of fudge at this one place. I can’t remember what it’s called.
Alfred hasn’t done anything too crazy lately. Our living room is still a fort of couch cushions and blankets. Today he pulled the television into it. I’m going to wait until he and Arthur leave for a few hours and then invite Ivan and Carlos over so we can dismantle it. Mean, I know, but I’m tired of having to crawl through the fort to get to the door.
On Thursday me and Alfred are going to get our textbooks. I think Lovino’s going with us. We’ll probably also compare schedules and see if we have any classes together. I can’t believe it’s almost time for the next semester to begin. I just hope Al takes it easy for the first week.
Love,
Matthew

-.-.-

Text Messages

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Why did a bird cage show up at the apartment today?
August 18, 2011 - 1:03 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Also, stop changing the names on my phone. I don’t appreciate what you put for Ivan. Or Al.
1:04 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I thought it was funny. Took me hours to figure out what to change all of them to.
1:19 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
So how are the birds? Have any hatched yet?
1:23 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yes! They’re so cute and awesome! Gilbird looks so proud. He fluffs up his feathers and chirps. Ludwig wants me to put them in the shed cuz they’re so loud
1:25 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Send some pictures when you can. But ONLY pictures!
1:27 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Ha ha ha. Gilbird and Birtilda would never forgive me if I sent away one of their babies. I’ll wait until they’re full grown.
1:28 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
No. No birds. Period.
1:29 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
[picture]
But look how cute they are! Aren’t they awesome? That’s proud papa Gilbird with them.
1:32 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Yes, Gil. They’re very cute. That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want a bird. And who knows what Al would teach it
1:36 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I didn’t think of that. I’ll just wait until you come home for good.
1:37 pm · Reply

-.-.-

E-mail

8/22/2011

Dear Mom,
Ivan and I are going to try and get people interested in starting a college hockey team next week. We’ve gotten permission to have a club and if we can get enough people, then they’ll let us form a team. So far I’ve gotten Alfred and Carlos to promise to join us, but no one else.
Gilbert keeps threatening to send me a bird. Could you talk to him for me? Or ask Ludwig to talk to him about it? He won’t listen to me and I can’t tell if he’s joking or not.
Alfred got himself locked in the trunk of Antonio’s car today. I don’t even bother asking him how he gets into these types of situations anymore. When I went upstairs to talk to Antonio about it, he acting like he didn’t know a thing about it. I couldn’t tell if he really didn’t know or if he was just pretending. It doesn’t matter now. Al’s out of the trunk and is now down the hall playing video games with Kiku.
I wish he could keep out of trouble for one day.
Love,
Matthew

8/25/2011

Dear Mom,
Al brought home a pair of kittens today. I keep telling him that he needs to take them to the shelter, that we can’t afford to keep them, but he’s not listening. Maybe I should try asking around to see if anyone else could take them. Al might be more willing to agree with that. I’ll go upstairs and ask Heracles when I have time.
Wish me luck.
Love,
Matthew

-.-.-

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones posted 3 new pictures
August 25, 2011 - 4:53 pm · Comment · Like

Alfred F. Jones found a pair of fluffy kittens near the dumpsters at McDonald’s today, so I brought them home.
August 25, 2011 - 4:55 pm · Comment · Like
[Heracles Karpusi and Kiku Honda like this]
Kiku Honda: If you’d like, Heracles and I could go out and buy a few things for them. How old are they?
4:59 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Dunno. Wanna come over and see them?
5:05 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Would Heracles want to adopt them?
5:08 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Heracles Karpusi: I can’t take them, I’m sorry. Sadik is threatening to move out if I get any more.
5:10 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I want to keep them.
5:11 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: We’re going to have to talk when I get back home.
5:13 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

It’d been three days since Alfred brought the pair of kittens home and, to no one’s surprise, they were still there. Matthew had tried asking everyone in the apartment building to take them in, but they had all refused.

Alfred wasn’t helping matters. He and Heracles had spent an entire afternoon together talking about caring for cats and buying thing’s they’d need. As a result, Matthew could no longer walk through any room without accidentally stepping on a toy or having one of the kittens attack his feet.

He grumbled to himself as he flopped down on the couch. He should’ve taken them to the shelter when he’d had the chance. Alfred had gotten everyone in the building on his side - including Ivan and Carlos - so if Matthew tried to take the kittens away, someone would stop him.

If he had any one good thing to say about the fluffy little devils, it was that Alfred had managed to keep himself out of trouble since he brought them home. Matthew knew it wouldn’t last very long.

Matthew closed his eyes and relaxed, enjoying the peace and quiet while he could. It didn’t last long.

There was one thump of something hitting the couch and falling down. It was followed by two more thumps and then tiny paws stepped across his chest. One of the kittens settled on his chest, kneading its small, needle-like claws into his shirt. The other one curled up against the side of his neck and began purring.

He opened his eyes, unsurprised to see the kitten with brown fur on its tail and around its neck staring at him with bright blue eyes. He groaned. “Only Al would manage to find himself in cat form.”

Al-cat blinked slowly, digging its claws in once more before drifting off to sleep. The other kitten, who had tan fur where Al-cat had brown, snuggled closer to his neck and continued purring.

“You’re not so bad,” Matthew whispered to the cuddly one. “Maybe you can stay…”

When Alfred came home later that day, he found his brother napping on the couch with the kittens. He snapped a quick picture with his phone and then quietly snuck over to Matthew’s room to use the computer and update his face book status.

-.-.-

Alfred F. Jones posted a photo
August 28, 2011 - 6:34 pm · Comment · Like

Ivan Braginski to Matthew Williams
Still planning on giving away the kittens? You look very cozy with them on the couch.
August 28, 2011 - 7:12 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: What are you talking about?
7:20 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: Alfred posted a picture
7:23 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: You should name them before he can.
7:25 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m pretty sure he’s already named them. But if you have any suggestions, I’d like to hear them.
7:37 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: How about Matvey and Fredka?
7:38 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s bad enough that Gil named a bird after me. I don’t want a cat too. But you should call Al “Fredka” more often. It really bothers him.
7:40 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: You don’t mind that I call you Matvey, do you?
7:40 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Of all the nicknames people have for me, yours is my favourite.
7:41 pm · Like · [Ivan Braginski likes this]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Wow. Harsh, Birdie. I see how it is.
7:41 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: It’s not like you’ve never heard it before. Stop calling me Birdie.
7:42 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Why do you have such a problem with my nickname but not with Braginski’s?
7:43 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: because at least “Matvey” is just the Russian form of my name and is perfectly masculine. “Birdie” is a nickname you’d give to a girl. I’m not a girl.
7:44 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Close enough.
7:45 pm · Like

-.-.-

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Could you smack Gilbert for me when you get the chance? He’s calling me a girl again.
August 28, 2011 - 7:47 pm · Reply

To: Matt
From: Elizaveta
I’m on my way to eat pizza with him right now. I’ll hit him once I get there. ;)
7:52 pm · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Thanks!
7:53 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Gilbert grinned as he raised his camera and snapped a series of pictures. The scowl his brother cast in his direction did nothing to diminish his joy. Nothing could make him sad when there were baby birds unsteadily fluttering around Ludwig’s feet while Gilbird and Birtilda flew around his head, chirping incessantly.

“Gilbert, I’m trying to cook,” Ludwig growled out between clenched teeth.

“And you’re doing a great job,” Gilbert said cheekily. He snapped a few more pictures and then left the room. The baby birds hopped after him as their parents flew over to alight on his shoulders. “Mattie’s going to love these!”

Ludwig blanched and turned away from the stove. “Gilbert! Don’t post those online!”

“I was just going to send them to Mattie in an e-mail, but that’s a much better idea! Thanks, Luddy!” Gilbert shouted back.

Ludwig could only groan when he heard his brother cackle in glee, knowing that there was no convincing him.

-.-.-

Gilbert Beilschmidt posted 23 photos - tagged Ludwig Beilschmidt
August 29, 2011 - 1:32 pm · Comment · Like
[Matthew Williams, Feliciano Vargas, and 7 others like this]
Feliciano Vargas: The birds are so cute! They look so fluffy!
1:40 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Ludwig doesn’t look very happy that you’re taking pictures of him again. But the birds are very cute. Better keep the windows shut so they don’t fly away.
1:43 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I’ve decided that they can fly away if they’d like. I’m sure they’ll come back to visit and get food. But don’t tell West.
1:44 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: You know he could easily read any of this, right?
1:46 pm · Like
Laura Peeters: How cute~ I wish I could have a bird, but we already have a dog and a rabbits and the house is chaotic enough with both of them.
1:59 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You can come over and see them anytime you want. Just don’t bring your brother.
2:00 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: *The older one.
2:00 pm · Like
Laura Peeters: I’ll come visit soon. :)
2:02 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text Message

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
I guess we’re keeping the cats.
August 30, 2011 - 9:03 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I’m surprised it took you five days to give in. Even I thought those fuckers were cute. Thought you couldn’t afford pets.
9:07 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
We can’t. But Al got everyone in the building on his side and they keep bringing gifts of food and toys over for them. And by everyone I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON. It’s crazy.
9:10 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
No way I’m sending you a bird now. It’d get eaten by those adorable monsters.
9:12 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
I’ll return the cage you sent me when we head back for Christmas. I need to save money. Sending packages is expensive.
9:14 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
That’s okay, I’ve got my own. And I think Laura might take one of the birds. She seems pretty interested in them.
9:15 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Maybe she will. Have you named them yet?
9:16 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yeah. Laura came over way early this morning and helped me name them. Have I ever mentioned how strange I think she is?
9:17 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
No. I didn’t even know the two of you were friends. Especially considering how much Lars dislikes you.
9:18 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
She’s way more awesome than her brother. It’s not very hard to be.
9:19 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Veta set us up on a date last year. Didn’t really work out. Didn’t I tell you?
9:19 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
No. You forgot to mention that. Anyway, what’d you name them?
9:22 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
The girls are Birdlin and Birgium. The boys are Ludbird, Elibird, and Katbird.
9:23 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
…… did you name a bird after my mom? A BOY bird? Why was a girl bird named for me!?
9:24 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Because ‘Birderine’ sounds and looks weird. And you said not to name any “Mattbird”.
9:25 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
All I said was to not name a girl bird after me.
9:27 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Oh well. Too late! They’re all named now and I like those names, so I’m not changing them.
9:29 am · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
You suck, Gil.
9:30 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Do not!
9:31 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Hey, so, what’d you name the cats?
August 30, 2011 - 12:45 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
I didn’t. Al did. The one with the darker fur is “Americat” and the lighter one is “Catada”.
12:56 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Wow. That’s kind of lame.
12:58 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
I dunno. I think it’s a little clever. Americat sure acts a lot like him. He keeps stealing Al’s hamburgers.
1:01 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Ha ha ha! Now all you need is for Catada to steal your pancakes. Then it’ll be the two of you in cat form!
1:03 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Ha ha, very funny. I hope you never find a cat version of yourself. Gilbird is enough.
1:05 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I’m not much of a cat person anyway. Cats eat birds, which isn’t awesome. Speaking of birds, Luddy’s cooking so I’m going to take them down there so they can fly around him some more. They really like him.
1:07 pm · Reply

To: ~Awesome~
From: Matthew
Alright. Have fun with that.
1:08 pm · Reply

-.-.-

9/4/11 - 11:43 am
Dear Mom,
I think it’s safe to say that Al and I have been adopted by the cats. He named them Catada and Americat. (Part of me’s just happy that he didn’t name one of them “kitler”. I didn’t dare bring it up.) I have to admit that they’ve grown on me since he brought them home. They like curling up next to me at night because Al moves around in his sleep too much and it annoys them. Everyone else in the building have been helping us out, especially Kiku and Heracles. Katyusha and Ivan come over every day to play with them.
Speaking of Ivan, our plans to put together a college hockey team aren’t going very well. We haven’t even generated much interest in the club aspect. I guess we’ll just stick to playing with the guys at the local skate center.
I won’t be able to write very much for a while. I’m working more hours at the ice cream shop and have two big projects in school to start preparing for. Between that and rescuing Al from stuff he gets stuck in, hockey, and taking care of the cats, I don’t have much free time anymore. What free time I do have is eaten up by people dropping by our room unannounced to hang out (or in Lovino’s case, hide from Antonio). I also had to go get a new cell phone because Al “borrowed” mine and lost it. I’m sure everything will calm down soon. I hope it will. I don’t think I could handle it if things got crazier around here.
Love, Matthew

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I think I’m starting to regret setting my boss on fire. Luddy won’t lend me money anymore.
September 6, 2011 - 3:46 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Veta’s being lame too. And Aster chewed up my diary.
4:04 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Tell anyone I have a diary and I’ll tell about all of yours and where you’ve hidden them.
4:05 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Guess you’re busy with school or something. Just lemme know when you’ve got a few minutes to chat.
4:58 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Hey, Laura told me about this awesome thing today! Text me
September 7, 2011 - 8:43 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Your lameass bro didn’t throw your phone out the window again, did he?
September 8, 2011 - 10:21 am · Reply

-.-.-

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Matthew Williams
Hey, I think something’s wrong with your phone. Have you gotten any of my messages?
September 8, 2011 - 7:29 pm · Comment · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Alfred F. Jones
You didn’t throw Mattie’s phone out the window again, did you?
September 9, 2011 - 3:47 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: course not. He’d kill me if I did that again
4:54 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: why do you wanna know?
4:55 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: he’s not answering my messages
4:56 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: that’s weird, dude. He’s getting mine. Ignores most of them. The jackass. Maybe something’s up with your phone and it’s not sending shit correctly
4:58 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: maybe
4:58 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Hey, tell him to call me, ok?
4:59 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I’ll try, but I’m gonna wait until he’s not doing homework. Last time I tried to ask him if he wanted anything from BK and he about bit my head off. Guess the teachers are really loading him down this year. I told him it was a bad idea to take the maximum amount
5:02 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Ok thanks
5:03 pm · Like

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Going out to hang with Artie and Kiku
September 9, 2011 - 5:44 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Alright, have fun. Bring back milk, we’re out.
5:46 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Sure thing, bro. Oh yeah, and Gilbo wants you to call him.
5:47 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Okay. I’ll do it once I’ve finished this essay.
5:48 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
I thought you were gonna tell Mattie to call me
September 11, 2011 10:30 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
I did! He said he’d do it once he finished some essay
10:34 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
He hasn’t done it. Remind him again
10:35 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
FINE. But if he kills me, I’m coming back to haunt you
10:36 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
I told him and he threw a book at my head
10:37 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
I think I have a concussion now
10:37 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
Don’t be a weenie, Jones.
10:38 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
Lets see you go in there when he’s like that! He threatened to get his hockey stick if I bothered him while he’s studying again. Has he always been this anal about school?
10:39 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
A little. It’s not usually this bad. Go find someone who knows how to make good pancakes and smother it in maple syrup and give it to him. He’ll chill out a little then.
10:41 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
I’ll give it a try. I think Ivan’s hot sister can cook. Wish me luck
10:42 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
So I might have mentioned to Ivan that Mattie’s been stressed and Yong Soo overheard and sort of dragged Mattie out of the apartment to go have fun. Sorry dude
11:04 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
I asked you to do one fucking thing, Jones
11:06 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
Look, I said I was sorry, ok? I’ll keep trying. Maybe a day out with Yong Soo will chill him out a bit.
11:07 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
I know. Thanks for helping
11:11 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
Wow, you actually have manners
11:13 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
Fuck you, Jones
11:14 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
Hahaha, no thanks. Didn’t kno you were into dudes
11:15 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Ok, so I might’ve PO’d your BFF. Call him before he finds some way to kill me long distance
September 11, 2011 - 11:16 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Seriously bro, call Gilbert. He won’t stop bothering me.
September 12, 2011 - 1:43 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I’m in class right now, Al. I shouldn’t even be texting you.
1:45 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Then do it on your break or something. He won’t leave me alone. It’s annoying.
1:46 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Okay, okay. I’ll do it later. Tell Gil to leave you alone and that I’ll call him once my class ends.
1:47 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
K
1:50 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Matt. Seriously.
September 13, 2011 - 1:02 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Bro, pick up ur phone
1:32 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I’m working, Al! Stop ringing me!
1:50 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
You need to fucking call Gilbert. This is getting really dumb, Matt.
1:52 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I already did!
1:54 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Really? Cuz he says you haven’t. And I don’t think he’d keep bugging me like this if you hadn’t. Call the fucker.
1:57 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
But I did it after class yesterday! Just as soon as I got out of class, I got my phone out and went through my contacts and… oh. Shit.
2:04 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
And people say I’m the irresponsible one.
2:06 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Matt? U still there?
2:45 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Guess ur boss caught you texting. See u at home. I’ll sit with u and make sure u call Gilbo
3:17 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You’re not mad at me, are you?
September 13, 2011 - 5:28 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Stop txting me
5:31 pm · Reply

-.-.-

9/22/11 - 5:13 pm
Dear Mom,
Here’s some pictures of the cats. I managed to get a video of Americat stealing a hamburger patty when Al wasn’t looking too.
I’d write more, but Al just texted me to say that he got locked in the storage closet in the basement and Ivan asked me to come over just seconds later. So I figure I’ll go find out why Al’s locked in a closet and then decide when to get him out. He can’t keep making people angry and expect me to bail him out of trouble.
Love, Matthew

-.-.-

After shooing Americat and Catada away from the door, Matthew quickly slipped out into the hall and shut the door before the balls of fluff could follow him. He knew exactly who had locked his brother into the storage closet. His friend hadn’t exactly made it a secret.

He walked down the hall and knocked on the door, waiting for his friend to answer. It didn’t take long.

Matthew sighed heavily and looked up at the taler man. “Okay, Ivan. Why have you kidnapped my brother and locked him in a closet?”

“Because this way he can practice getting out of closet,” Ivan responded with a massive grin on his face.

He looked so proud of himself that Matthew was rendered speechless for a moment while he tried to figure out whether or not Ivan was calling Alfred gay. Matthew made a strange, squeaking sort of noise before closing his mouth, unable to correctly form a sentence. Ivan’s grin began to fade as concern took over.

“Matvey, are you okay?” Ivan asked

Matthew nodded. “I- yeah. I’m fine. Just… just remind me to get him out later if he doesn’t escape. There aren’t any harmful or strange chemicals in there, are there?”

Ivan looked a little puzzled by the question. “No, I don’t think so. Why?”

“I just don’t want to go down there to find he’s screaming in pain or grown a third arm or something,” Matthew said with a shrug.

“You’re silly, Matvey.” Ivan laughed and opened the door wider so Matthew could step inside. “Come inside. I found a new movie we can watch!”

“Sounds good,” Matthew said, more than happy to spend the rest of the day with his friend, just relaxing on the couch. It was a welcome change from his busy schedule. In the back of his mind, he worried about leaving Alfred in the closet for a few hours, but he figured it wouldn’t be ten minutes before his brother got tired of waiting and found someone else to rescue him.

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Dude. Not awesome.
September 22, 2011 - 5:30 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Seriously, bro. Where are you?
5:32 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Now I’m getting worried. You’re coming to get me out, right?
5:35 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Matt
5:36 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Matt
5:37 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Come get me.
5:38 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
There’s something moving in here. Hurry up.
5:39 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Matt
5:40 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Please don’t leave me here.
5:40 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Artie
From: Alfred
I’m locked in the closet in the basement and Matt won’t get me out.
September 22, 2011 - 5:41 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I can’t help you right now, I’m working. Can’t you ask Kiku?
5:44 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
No. He ran off to hang with Heracles or something. And Matt won’t write me back. What time do you get off today??
5:45 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Not until 9. Have you tried anyone else?
5:46 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
I called Francis, but he laughed at me. And everyone else is either working or at school or not picking up their phone.
5:47 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I’ll send a message to my brothers. I’m sure they’re doing nothing but lazing about the apartment, waiting for an appropriate time to go to the pub.
5:50 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
You’re the best friend ever, Artie!
5:50 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Don’t call me that. Scotty’s on his way down.
5:52 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Sweet. Scotty’s awesome!
5:53 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
If you say so. I have to get back to work now. See you later.
5:55 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Not awesome, bro. I had to get Artie to call Scotty to rescue me.
September 22, 2011 - 5:56 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
If you’d stop bullying my friends, maybe I’d be a little more happy to help you out when you get in trouble.
5:58 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Wait, you’ve had your phone this whole time? Dude. Not cool. Not cool at all. And I didn’t do anything to Carlos!
5:59 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I meant Ivan. And yes. I’ve had my phone this whole time.
6:01 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
What did you do to Carlos?
6:01 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Nothing!
6:03 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Bullshit.
6:03 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Gilbert wasn’t happy.

In fact, if Ludwig had to put a word to the way his older brother had been acting for the past month, he would have to say that he looked depressed. Not even his flock of tiny yellow birds could cheer him up. They certainly tried to, twittering around him and doing their best to be entertaining.

Ludwig was getting worried.

He’d tried to cheer his brother up. He offered to make him pancakes for dinner. He let Aster jump up onto the couch and cuddle with Gilbert, though every part of him screamed to make her get down. Not even a surprise visit from their father worked for long.

He thought about getting Elizaveta involved, but she’d been so busy with work lately that he didn’t want to bother her. And the only other person who could possibly raise his spirits was currently attending college in America.

Once Ludwig thought about it, he started to wonder if Matthew was the source of his brother’s mood. He couldn’t help but notice the lack of messages the two passed on face book, as well as the significant decrease in texting. (Ludwig always knew when it was Matthew thanks to the short tone Gilbert had set for his best friend.)

Maybe the two had a fight and weren’t talking?

That would certainly explain things, but what could be serious enough to cause such a thing?

After all of the things Gilbert had put Matthew (and everyone else) through over the years, it was difficult to imagine what the breaking point could be. But it was even harder to imagine what Matthew could have done to make Gilbert stop talking to him.

Ludwig retreated to the kitchen to think. Though it was invaded by chicks on a daily basis, it was still his sacred space where he could go to be alone. Besides, they were busy tweeting away in the living room, trying to cheer up his brother.

Out of habit, he put on his apron - a plain, powder blue thing he’d bought for himself after the dogs destroyed the one Gilbert had gotten him as a joke for his birthday one year - and set about to cleaning the already spotless kitchen. As he started wiping down the counters, he let his mind drift.

-.-.-

His phone was ringing.

Matthew blearily looked around, lifting his head from his warm pillow and reaching for where his glasses should be resting on the night table.

Except they weren’t. And for some reason, the table was missing as well.

Then Matthew remembered that he wasn’t snuggled up in his warm bed and that he’d ignored that lengthy history essay in favor of spending the evening watching movies with Ivan. He must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because he was still there, on the couch, and had been resting his head on Ivan’s shoulder.

Suddenly wide awake, Matthew jerked away from his friend and began his search for his phone using the dim light of the television. Ivan remained asleep, breathing softly, completely unbothered by the loud German rock music blaring from his phone.

At long last, his fingers found the smooth surface of his phone, which had wound up partially under the couch. Trying not to wake his sleeping friend, Matthew quickly answered with a whispered “Hello?”

“Matthew?”

The Canadian frowned. “Ludwig? D-don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but why are you calling so late?”

“Late?” The teenager repeated. “It’s only nine o’clock. I apologize if I woke you.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ve been woken by much worse,” Matthew said with a yawn. “Is everything okay? How’d you get my number?”

Ludwig was silent for a moment. “Feliciano gave it to me. I’m calling because I was wondering if you’ve talked to Gilbert lately. He’s been moping around the house for weeks and I can’t figure out why.”

Matthew thought back to the last time he’d talked to his friend. Surely it wasn’t that long ago. Actually, he hadn’t gotten a text message from him in over a month, which was really odd. Gil usually sent him a message every day. And it’d been ages since he last checked facebook, with the crazy amount of stuff he had to do on a daily basis. (Maybe Al had the right idea about not taking the maximum amount of classes. Not that Matthew would ever admit that.)

The last thing he remembered talking to Gilbert about had been something about Al’s crazy kittens and then… nothing. Not a single message. Not since Al lost his phone.

Oh.

Matthew paled, frantically trying to recall if he’d ever given Gilbert his new phone number. “Fuck me. Lud, I’ve done something really dumb. Oh, maple. No wonder Gil kept bugging Al. I thought it was weird that he didn’t call me himself, but- fuck.” He stood up and began pacing around in the dark, stepping on what he assumed what the popcorn from his and Ivan’s food fight. “What am I going to do? I- I can’t believe I forgot to give Gil my new number. So stupid…”

Ivan began to stir as Matthew’s voice rose above a whisper. “Matvey?”

Matthew was too busy nodding frantically to whatever advice Ludwig was giving him. “O-okay. Yeah. Good idea. Alright, I’ll go back across the hall and see if Al has a webcam. If he doesn’t, I’m sure someone around here does. I’ll find one, just give me about twenty minutes to figure this out. Thanks, Ludwig. I owe you one.” He listened for a moment longer and then snapped his phone shut, ending the call.

“Matvey?” Ivan asked again.

Matthew jumped in surprise and looked at his friend guiltily. “Sorry I woke you up. I’ve got to go take care of something - an emergency. Have you seen my glasses?”

Ivan nodded, gesturing vaguely to the table covered in snacks. “You feel asleep with them on, so I put them there. I didn’t want you to break them.”

“Thanks,” Matthew said gratefully. He walked over to the table and quickly found his glasses perched on top of a box of oreos. He crammed them back onto his face and apologized to Ivan for cutting their movie night short before stumbling his way to the door. He quickly promised a rain check and then left.

Ivan watched him go with sadness weighing down his heart. He’d been having such a pleasant evening. But if there was something his friend needed to take care of, then he wasn’t going to stop him. After all, Matthew had promised to try movie night again.

Maybe next time he’d be able to work up the courage ask his friend on a date instead of just inviting him in for a movie.

Chapter Text

3rd Semester Part 2

Text message

To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
Ludwig called Feliciano today. It looks like they’re making good progress.
September 22, 2011 - 9:16 pm · Reply

To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Already? I thought for sure that it would take longer. I’ve been so busy lately that I never got around to casually bringing up Feliciano in conversation.
9:18 pm · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
According to Feliciano, Gilbert hasn’t been feeling well and he needed to get Matthew’s phone number to see if he could help.
9:19 pm · Reply

To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Well that’s a good start. I hope nothing too bad happened when Ludwig called.
9:20 pm · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
I didn’t ask. Feliciano looked happy about it and I didn’t hear much yelling, so I suppose it went well.
9:22 pm · Reply

To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Excellent
9:23 pm · Reply

-.-.-

It took Matthew a while, but with a little help from Yong Soo he got everything set up properly. Once he made it absolutely clear that he would hang out with him as a thank you for helping him out, Matthew was able to shoo the teenager from his room. He then sat at his desk and waited for Ludwig to log on.

He nervously flicked one of the pencils on his desk and watched it spin around. He wasn’t sure what to expect from Gilbert. They’d never gone without speaking for so long - except for maybe the previous semester when they both agreed to try only communicating with handwritten letters. But at least then Gilbert didn’t think he was ignoring him or anything!

Matthew groaned and leaned back in his chair. “I can’t believe this! How could I have not noticed?”

A strange sound from his computer caught his attention and he sat up properly in time to see the blurry image of the Beilschmidt kitchen. Ludwig must have been in the process of moving the laptop to wherever Gilbert was moping because the picture didn’t clear up for another minute.

The pencil Matthew had spun chose that moment to roll right off the desk. The Canadian bent down to pick it up and by the time he’d straightened up again Ludwig had set the laptop on a table in the living room and turned it to face Gilbert.

At least, Matthew assumed it was Gilbert and not a breathing mass of blankets. He couldn’t help but smile at the twittering flock of birds hopping all over the couch
Ludwig cleared his throat. “Gilbert, there’s someone who wants to talk to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“I think you do.”

Matthew had an idea. He located his new cell phone and quickly typed up a message, which he sent to Gilbert. He waited a few seconds and then he could hear Gilbert’s phone chime. The pile of blankets rustled briefly and he assumed his friend was checking the message. It didn’t take long before the albino shoved off the covers, upsetting all of the birds, and nearly fell off the couch in his haste to roll over to look at the laptop.

“Matt!” Gilbert exclaimed hoarsely.

“Gil, I-” The words got caught in Matthew’s throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. It’s just - oh, maple, things have been crazy down here. And then Al lost my phone and I had to get a new one and I figured, why not get a new number so that one creepy old lady can’t call me anymore…”

Gilbert said nothing. He stared at the computer screen without a hint of joy on his features.

Matthew looked down. “I should have realized sooner… I should have listened to Alfred. I didn’t realize how long it’d been since we last talked.” He paused to rub at his eyes.

“Birdie, don’t start crying.”

Matthew looked up at the screen in time to see his friend sit up straight, once again disturbing all of the birds. They quickly alighted on their favorite person, with Gilbird taking his customary place nestled in silvery-white hair. “I’m not going to cry. Hoser,” he tacked onto the end.

Gilbert grinned.

Just like that, everything went back to normal between them. Something as simple as not talking for a whole month wasn’t enough to even bruise a friendship that had been built over years and years.

They talked for hours into the night, telling one another what they’d been doing and what silly or strange things their brothers had been up to. At one point during their conversation, both Americat and Catada decided Matthew’s keyboard was the perfect place to sleep. Gilbert laughed uproariously as he watched his friend struggle to get the two of them to behave, only to end up with one of them curled up on his lap and the other stretched out in his arms.

“See what I have to deal with?” Matthew asked, trying to shift Americat so he had at least one arm free. “Al shuts them out of his room because they try to sleep on his face. So then I have to deal with them. I mean, at least they just curl up next to me all night and don’t decide they want to pounce on my feet every time I move, but that doesn’t mean it’s not annoying.”

Gilbert laughed. “That’s why I had to get a bigger cage for the birds. They kept getting up under the blankets while I was sleeping and I was afraid I’d roll over and crush them. So get a cage or lock them out or something.”

Matthew sighed heavily. “We tried that. They either waited outside my door, pawing at it and meowing all night or threw a fit in the cage. This is exactly why I didn’t want to keep them.”

“Too late now,” Gilbert said. “They’ve bonded with you. I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with them now. Oh man, this means you’re going to have to bring them home with you, doesn’t it?”

“Fuck that,” Matthew said bluntly. “Al can keep them here.”

“I dunno, Birdie. They look pretty cozy.”

“I’m not bringing the cats home, Gil.”

Matthew quickly changed the subject after that, asking Gilbert what he was planning to do with the birds or if he was just going to keep all of them. The albino happily dove into the conversation, talking about how he was planning on leading all of them outside in the next few days to see how they liked it. Though he said he wouldn’t be sad if any of them flew away, Matthew knew he’d be upset about it.

After that they discussed plans for the upcoming holidays. Matthew knew Al would try to drag him into some strange costume group for Halloween and was already making plans to counteract it. (Mostly by deciding what he was going to dress as ahead of time. He’d been a Mountie the year before, so he couldn’t do that again. It’d been a while since he’d gone as a hockey player, so he figured he’d do that.) Gilbert mentioned wanting to do something awesome with Elizaveta like they did the year before, but he wasn’t sure exactly what yet.

“We’ll be driving back up for Christmas, of course,” Matthew said. “Dad was hoping we’d stay here this year, but we convinced him to celebrate it early. I think we agreed to combine it with America’s Thanksgiving. It’s a bit weird, but whatever works.”

“As long as you’re coming home,” said Gilbert. “Hey, d’you think you can leave Alfred behind this year? You know, as fun as it was to get locked on the roof in the snow for ten minutes, I’d rather not do it again.”

Matthew chuckled. “Well, I did warn you not to challenge him to a game of truth or dare, but you didn’t listen. To Al there’s no worse punishment than being stuck out in the snow.”

“Yeah, I noticed. Hey, how about instead of bringing Alfred with you, you bring up Feliciano instead. I think Luddy would like that,” Gilbert said, only half joking.

“I think Lovino would kill me if I tried,” Matthew replied. Were the time not inching close to two in the morning, he would’ve felt more alarmed by how true that statement was. He wasn’t sure what was keeping him awake at that point, but he wasn’t about to go to sleep when he was talking to Gilbert after so long. “I don’t think their grandfather would appreciate it either. Sorry, Gil, but Al’s coming up with me.”

Gilbert snapped his fingers. “Damn. It was worth a shot. Well, we’ll just have to figure out something awesome to do instead. Something Veta can do with us. She’s been complaining since summer that we keep leaving her out of plans. But no matter what, we’ve gotta have a massive snowball fight this year. You invite all of your friends and I’ll drag Luddy out of the house and umm, I guess I’ll see if our new neighbour wants to join us. He’s pretty cool.”

“New neighbour?” Matthew asked, unable to recall hearing anything about someone moving in. His mom usually mentioned things like that in her letters. “When did that happen?”

“A week or so ago, I guess,” Gilbert said with a shrug. “I met him when I was helping Luddy walk the dogs. He moved here all the way from India, so being the awesome person that I am, I promised to show him around once he gets settled in.”

Matthew yawned and idly stroked the top of Americat’s head. “Well at least you have something fun to do. I’ve got one project due this week and two more due next week. I’d be finished with one of them if everyone around here would stop trying to drag me off to have fun. I just don’t have time right now.”

“You shouldn’t overwork yourself so much.”

“I know, I know. I just wanted to take as many classes as I could this semester so that when Spring rolls around I’ll be able to finish up down here and transfer to finish my last two years at home.” Matthew paused for a few seconds. “I’ll miss it here, but I’m looking forward to going home a lot more.”

“It’s not like it’s so far away that you’ll never get to visit your brother,” Gilbert reminded him. “Hell, if it weren’t for my classes then I’d be down there every other weekend.”

Matthew didn’t doubt it.

Americat purred loudly and stretched out his front paws to smack Matthew on the cheek.

Gilbert snickered. “Guess that’s his way of telling you to stop talking so he can sleep.”

Matthew rolled his eyes and removed the paw from his face. “It is getting late. Why don’t we do this again tomorrow? You can keep me company and laugh at me while I try to finish this stupid world history thing.”

“Sounds good, Birdie. How about around one tomorrow? I should be done with my morning classes by then. I won’t have to head back out until six or so,” said Gilbert.

Matthew thought for a moment and then nodded. “That should be good. I hate to think what I’ll owe Yong Soo for the continuing use of his camera though. I’m not sure how many K-drama nights I can sit through.”

“You should get one of your own,” Gilbert suggested.

“I’ll look into it,” promised Matthew.

The two talked for a few more minutes and then said their goodbyes. Matthew struggled to remove the kittens from his lap before he was finally able to crawl into bed. Just before he drifted off to sleep, the two joined him and curled up next to his side.

-.-.-

Facebook

Jack Stevens to Matthew Williams
Have any plans for Christmas? Kiwi’s flying out to join me and Sheila this year and we were wondering if you want to come too
September 23, 2011 - 5:52 pm · Comment · Like

Kiwi Shepfield to Alfred F. Jones
Come to Australia for Christmas.
September 23, 2011 - 6:23 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Do you get snow down there?
6:34 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Kiwi Shepfield: Nope
6:43 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Sweet! I’ll try to convince Mattie!
6:45 pm · Like

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Jack Stevens
Stop trying to steal Birdie away. He’s coming home for Christmas and we’re going to have a fucking awesome snowball fight.
September 23, 2011 - 6:54 pm · Comment · Like
Jack Stevens: Not if he comes to Australia. We’ll build snowmen out of sand and grill up some food. It’ll be great! And not cold
7:28 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Matt likes the cold.
7:30 pm · Like
Jack Stevens: He can play in the snow any time. Besides, he’s only visited me once and it was when I was three. Doesn’t count.
7:32 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: He already said he’s coming home. Told me last night.
7:35 pm · Like
Jack Stevens: You’re invited too, you know.
7:37 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: It would be interesting to have a non-snowy Christmas….
7:48 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Sorry, Jack. We’re not going to Australia this Christmas. Maybe next year, if that’s okay.
7:54 pm · Like
Jack Stevens: I’ll hold you to that.
7:56 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I wanna go 2 Australia for x-mas. Can we?
September 23, 2011 - 8:10 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I’ve already told mom and Gilbert that we’re going back home for Christmas. And we don’t have the money to fly out to Australia. Not this year.
8:12 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
But they don’t get snow!
8:13 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I know, Al. If Jack still wants us to visit next year, then we can do it then. He didn’t give us enough warning.
8:16 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Boooooo
8:17 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Why are you texting me? You’re just in the next room!
8:20 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Cuz every time I go in 2 talk 2 u, u throw shit at me. Not going in there anymore
8:22 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
That’s because you keep coming in to ask stupid questions.
8:23 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Hey, those are totally legit questions.
8:24 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I don’t care what you think, asking me my opinion on whether or not the green lantern movie was good or not isn’t a legit question when I’m doing homework.
8:26 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I needed help proving to Artie that I’m right!
8:27 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
The answer is “not good” by the way.
8:27 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Not all of us are comic book geeks.
8:30 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Ur missing out
8:31 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Look, I’ve really got to get this done. Can’t you talk to Arthur or Kiku about this instead?
8:33 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
K
8:33 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Im Yong Soo getting ready for a day of fun with Matthew Williams!
September 24, 2011 - 9:13 am · Comment · Like
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: You should come upstairs later! I’m planning on making some churros for Lovino, but I always make too many and can’t eat them all.
9:46 am · Like
Im Yong Soo: Sounds great! Message one of us when they’re done!
9:48 am via Mobile Web · Like
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: Will do!
9:50 am · Like

Scotty Kirkland to Alfred F. Jones
I don’t know if Arthur mentioned it, but we’re getting a group together to go bowling tonight. Want to join us?
September 24, 2011 - 10:23 am · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Sure! Sounds like loads of fun!
10:30 am · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Bro
September 24, 2011 - 11:16 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Where u at bro?
11:20 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Watching K-drama’s with Yong Soo. Is something wrong?
11:22 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Nope. Just wanted to know where ur at cuz I couldn’t find you
11:25 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Well now you know. Is that all? I’ll be over here until tomorrow.
11:26 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
That’s cool. I’m going out to do some bowling tonight. You guys could come too.
11:27 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
We’re going to hang out here for the night. But thanks for the invite.
11:33 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matvey
From: Ivan
Are you doing anything tonight?
2:29 pm · Reply

To: Ivan
From: Matthew
I’m spending the day with Yong Soo, remember? As a ‘thank you’ for letting me use his webcam to talk to Gil.
2:38 pm · Reply

To: Matvey
From: Ivan
What about tomorrow?
2:39 pm · Reply

To: Ivan
From: Matthew
I wanted to finish one of my two remaining projects tomorrow. It shouldn’t take me more than a few hours though. I’ll let you know when I finish.
2:42 pm · Reply

To: Matvey
From: Ivan
Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
2:45 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Gilbert Beilschmidt Taking the birds outside today!
September 25, 2011 - 10:16 am · Comment · Like
[Ludwig Beilschmidt likes this]
Laura Peeters: Sounds like fun! Can I come over and watch their first journey outside?
10:43 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Sure! I’m gonna set them loose around noon, but if you want to come over before then, you can.
10:47 am · Like
Laura Peeters: I’ll be over in 30 minutes
10:48 am · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Birtilda and the babies flew away…
September 26, 2011 - 3:17 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I’m sorry to hear that. I know you liked having them around.
3:20 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yeah. I think Gilbird’s the most upset. And Luddy’s pretending like he’s unhappy about this. He’s not doing a very good job.
3:22 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Well, you did torment him with them from the moment they hatched. Now he can clean the house without worrying about stepping on one of them.
3:25 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I guess.
3:26 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
So what are you doing today?
3:29 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Don’t get upset and don’t tell Alfred. Or Lars. Or anybody else.
3:32 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Why would I get upset? What, did you decide to go hang out with someone instead of working on that project like you told me you were doing?
3:34 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Not exactly. I got that one finished a while ago so now all I have to worry about is my usual homework. And dealing with whatever Al gets into. Work too.
3:36 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Alright alright. So what are you doing?
3:37 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Ivan asked me on a date. So I’m getting ready for that.
3:39 pm · Reply

-.-.-

It took precisely thirty seconds for Gilbert to receive the message, read it, and call Matthew. He rapidly tapped his foot on the floor while waiting for his friend to answer. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to say or why the thought of Matthew and Ivan going on a date bothered him so much, but he needed to hear his friend’s voice. He had to be sure it wasn’t Alfred or anyone else trying to play a horrible joke.

“Gil?”

“You’re just kidding, right?” Gilbert asked straightaway. “Or you misunderstood him or something. You’re not really going on a date with him, are you?”

Matthew sighed heavily. “It really is a date. I know you and Ivan don’t get along very well, but I like him.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to go on a date with him!” Gilbert shouted.

“Gil…”

Gilbert huffed and flopped back against the couch. “Couldn’t you date a cute girl instead? Like Braginski’s sister. She’s hot.” He could just imagine his friend rolling his eyes.

“Katyusha’s sweet, but I don’t like her like that. Look, it’s just a date. It’s not that big of a deal.” Matthew paused for a moment. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? Not mom, not Ludwig, and definitely not Elizaveta. I don’t want to make a big deal about this.”

Gilbert calmed down a little bit when he realized something. “So I’m the only other person who knows?”

“Katyusha might know. But you’re the only person I’ve told.”

He still wasn’t happy about the situation, but it was somewhat gratifying to know that he was the only person Matthew trusted to tell. Part of his mind whispered that it didn’t matter who Matthew dated, so long as he was happy. Unfortunately, the larger, louder part of his mind drowned it out with cries that his friend would be happier with someone who wasn’t Ivan. Someone like… Well, Gilbert wasn’t sure. He’d think of someone later. All he wanted to do at that moment was talk to Matthew while he had the chance. If he made him run late for his date, then that was a bonus.

-.-.-

Text Message

To: Artie
From: Alfred
I’ve got a great idea for Halloween!
September 27, 2011 - 11:43 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Shouldn’t you be in class right now?
11:46 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
I am. But that doesn’t matter. Me and Kiku came up with something perfect 4 Halloween. You gotta do it with us!
11:49 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Pay attention in class. We’ll talk about this later
11:50 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Class is boooooring. I wanna talk now
11:52 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Later, Alfred.
11:53 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Laaaaaaaame
11:54 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
R u not going 2 text me now?
11:59 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Not cool, Artie.
12:05 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Fine. Me and Kiku will just start deciding things w/out u
12:08 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Artie
From: Alfred
We’re out of class now. You gonna talk to me?
1:02 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Yes, I will. What’s this idea of yours?
1:04 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Okay, so me n Kiku were trying 2 come up with some awesome group thingy to do 4 Francis’s H.Party since last year we did different things and
1:06 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
I thought it’d be cool to get u in on it too. Anyway, we wanna do superheroes this year and since I did Captain America last year, we’re gonna do DC characters this year.
1:06 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I suppose you two have already chosen who you want to be.
1:07 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Kiku’s gonna be the Green Lantern. I’m either gonna be Superman or Batman, depending on who you choose.
1:08 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I’m not going to pick your costume for you.
1:09 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
No no no! That’s not what I meant!
1:10 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Will you be Robin if I’m Batman?
1:11 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Movie or comics?
1:14 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Whichever one you want. So will you?
1:15 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Arthur
Sure. It’s better than what I was planning on doing.
1:19 pm · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Sweet! Okay, we’ll talk about this once me and Kiku get back. I need 2 get Mattie in on this too.
1:22 pm · Reply

-.-.-

“Matt!” Alfred shouted, slamming open the apartment door. He hopped inside while trying to kick off his shoes, not bothering to look up and see if his brother was around. “Matt, I’ve got the greatest idea for Halloween! You’ve gotta do it with me! Arthur already agreed, but only if more people join us!” He finally looked up and found his brother sitting on the couch, looking very cozy as he snuggled up next to Ivan. “What the hell, Matt?! Since when have you and Braginski been so… so…”

He waved his hands around as if that would explain everything.

“Matvey and I are dating,” Ivan said happily.

Matthew quietly groaned into the Russian’s shoulder. “You weren’t supposed to tell him yet…”

Alfred huffed loudly and marched over to the couch. “Move over.”

“Al-” Matthew began.

“Don’t care,” Alfred interrupted. “Move over.”

Matthew sighed heavily and scooted over so his brother could sit down between him and Ivan.

Alfred settled in quickly and crossed his arms over his chest. “When the fuck did this start? You haven’t been secretly dating for months and I’m just now finding out. I should have known something was up when you two slept in the same bed back in July.”

“We just started dating,” Matthew said. “I wouldn’t keep something like this from you for long.”

Alfred eyed him for a moment and then cracked a grin. “Alright. Can’t say I approve of your tastes, but whatever.” He barely paused before he plowed onto the real reason he’d come home. “So, me and Kiku were talking in class today about what we’re going to do for Halloween. We got Arthur in on this too, but we want a few more people.”

“Sorry, Al. I’m going as a hockey player this year,” Matthew said before his twin could ask.

Alfred pouted. “You haven’t even heard my idea! It’s nothing weird! Please, Mattie! You’ve gotta do it with us too! Hell, Braginski can join us if that’ll get you to do it!”

“What is your idea?” Ivan asked curiously.

“I’m going to be Batman and Artie agreed to be Robin!” Alfred said happily. “And Kiku’s gonna be the Green Lantern, so I figured we could get a few more people to do DC superheroes! Y’know, like Superman and Wonderwoman and stuff.”

“Could I be Superman?” Ivan asked shyly.

“Sure, big guy!” Alfred exclaimed, patting the larger man on the shoulder. He turned his head to look at Matthew expectantly. “C’mon, Mattie. Say ‘yes’!”

Matthew hesitated for a moment and then gave in. “Fine. But I’m not going to be a girl! I’ll do some research later and decide who to be. Where are we going to get these costumes? Online?”

Alfred shook his head. “Nah, Kiku’s going to make them. He must have some help, because he seemed pretty confident that he could get a bunch done in time. I’ll check with him and let you know what days he wants to take measurements.” He hopped up from the couch and walked quickly across the room to his stack of video games, carefully picking through them until he found one he’d borrowed from Kiku a few weeks back. “If you know anyone else who wants to do it with us, text me or something. I’ll be back later. Don’t do anything weird on the couch!”

Matthew sputtered angrily, but Alfred only laughed as he gathered up a few more things and left to meet back up with Kiku and Arthur.

-.-.-

Text message

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Katyusha would like to do the costume group with us.
September 27, 2011 - 6:26 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Sweet! Who does she want to be?
6:29 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
She said Power Girl
6:32 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Is it weird that her and Ivan know more about comics than I do?
6:33 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Nope. Btw, I figured out the perfect guy for you to be. Since you like archers and shit whenever we play games, you should be the Green Arrow.
6:35 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I don’t know who that is.
6:36 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Look him up and lemme know what u think
6:37 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Okay.
6:38 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones this is going to be the best Halloween ever!
September 28, 2011 - 9:15 am · Comment · Like
[Kiku Honda, Ivan Braginski, and Francis B. like this]
Soren Kholer: It’s only September. Isn’t it a little early to be thinking about Halloween?
9:56 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: its never too early
10:01 am · Like
Soren Kholer: You got your little pumpkin bucket too? Ready to go trick or treating
10:03 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Ur just jealous because you don’t get awesome costumes like I do.
10:08 am · Like
Soren Kholer: I bet any costume I get is way better than yours.
10:10 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh yeah? What lame thing are you going as this year?
10:11 am · Like
Soren Kholer: You first
10:15 am · Like
Matthew Williams:What are you two arguing about now? This can’t possibly be just about Halloween.
10:16 am via Mobile Web · Like
Nikolai Christensen: Alfred keeps teasing Soren and I about our engagement.
10:18 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’ll have a talk with him.
10:20 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: It’s just some harmless fun!
10:21 am · Like

-.-.-

E-mail

September 30, 2011 - 8:13 am
Dear mom,
Alfred talked me into doing a costume group with him for Francis’s Halloween party this year. I’m actually starting to really like the idea. It’s kind of nice to learn a little more about the comics and things that Alfred talks about. Him and Kiku have leant me a few things to read and Ivan’s letting me borrow the few Superman comics he has. Turns out Ivan’s kind of a closet nerd. Who would’ve thought? But at least it’s something for him and Al to bond over. They’re actually starting to get along.
I had a nice conversation with Nikolai the other day. He and Soren are planning on a late spring wedding. That is, if Soren will actually help him with anything. He says that he’ll be sending out invitations in the next month or so. I still can’t believe they’re engaged.
I’ve finally finished those big projects. It’s nice to not have to lock myself in my room whenever I get home from class so I can have some peace and quiet while I finish. I think I’ve got one more due next month and one last one in November, but at least they’re not going to be all grouped together like these last three. The one project takes the place of a final exam, so that’s one less test to study for.
We’re starting to run low on maple syrup. I may have overdone it while I was working on my projects. I feel like I went through a bottle a day.
One more thing, before Gil or Al slip up and say something. Ivan and I are dating.

Love,
Matthew

-.-.-

Text message

To: Al
From: Faolán
Hey, could you help me with something?
October 1, 2011 - 8:20 am · Reply

To: Faolán
From: Alfred
Sure thing! I’ll finish helping Kiku take measurements and then I’ll be right down. Shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes
8:23 am · Reply

To: Al
From: Faolán
Thanks!
8:24 am · Reply

-.-.-

Less than ten minutes later, Alfred hopped down the last three steps on the stairwell and headed straight for the door to the Kirkland’s apartment. Before he could raise the door to knock, the door swung open and one heavily freckled arm tugged him inside. Alfred stumbled, caught off guard by his friend’s hastiness.

“Dude, you okay?” he asked as Faolán shut the door and turned around to face him. “You look like shit.”

“I- um, yeah,” Faolán murmured, losing his nerve. He scratched the back of his neck, his fingers tangling in carrot red hair. He took a deep breath and tried again. “There’s this girl I like.”

Alfred’s eyes lit up. At last, a chance to be a totally awesome hero and help a friend in need! “Who is she? What’s she like?”

Faolan relaxed a little when he didn’t get teased. “She’s really sweet. And kind. And… and…”

“Pretty?” Alfred prompted.

“Beautiful,” Faolán sighed dreamily. “She always smiles at me when I say hello. And when I hold the door open for her, she says ‘thank you’.”

“So what’s the problem?” Alfred asked.

Faolán was silent for a moment. He avoided Alfred’s gaze, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “I can’t talk to her. I get all nervous and tongue-tied. And even if I asked her on a date, I wouldn’t know what to do! I-I don’t want to just ask her out to a movie or something. I want it to be special.”

“Soooo,” Alfred drawled, dragging out the ‘o’. “You want my help?”

“Would you?” Faolán asked eagerly.

“Of course!” Alfred said, puffing out his chest. “A hero never turns down a request for help!”

-.-.-

Text message

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Where are you at?
October 2, 2011 - 11:23 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Being an awesome hero
11:32 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
That didn’t really answer my question.
11:34 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I’m helping someone
11:37 am · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Still doesn’t tell me where you’re at. Arthur and Kiku are looking for you.
11:39 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Secret. I’ll be back in an hour or 2
11:43 am · Reply

-.-.-

Faolán stared deep into Alfred’s blue eyes, resting one hand on the blond’s shoulder. “Alfred…”

“Yes?”

“This is the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever suggested,” Faolán said bluntly, removing his hand. “How is this going to help? It just feels weird!”

Alfred huffed and grabbed his friend’s hand, placing it back on his shoulder. “Dude, trust me. This is going to help.”

“If this is your way of hitting on me, it’s not going to work,” said Faolán.

Alfred rolled his eyes. “Don’t be stupid. Redheads aren’t my thing.”

“Yeah, I imagine blonds are more your style,” Faolán muttered under his breath.

“You say something?”

“Nope,” Faolán replied, steeling his nerves to try again. He cleared his throat and looked Alfred in the eyes once again. “I-I was wonder-”

“No stammering,” Alfred interrupted.

“Shut up and let me do this!”

“Then do it!”

Faolán glared at him and jerked his hand away. “This isn’t working. Isn’t there something else we can try?”

Alfred stubbornly shook his head. “Nope. It’s gotta be this way! Now man up and ask me on a date!”

Faolán was getting more angry and frustrated than nervous at that point. All he’d wanted was a little advice on how to ask a girl out on a proper date (which had to be different from the dating he’d done in high school) and what sort of date would be appropriate. He was beginning to think that Alfred hadn’t been the best choice.

“Look, if you ask it just once then we’ll move on. But you gotta be serious about it,” Alfred said, taking some pity on his friend.

Faolán nodded. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, willing his annoyance towards the American dissipate. It was a minute or two before he opened his eyes and grasped Alfred’s hands with his own. “I would be honored if you would go on a date with me.”

Alfred bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

“What the hell is going on?”

The duo sprang apart. Faolán’s face blazed red in embarrassment at being caught in such a peculiar situation. Alfred, appearing a little guilty, immediately looked to the front door where Arthur and Francis were standing.

“Please, don’t let us interrupt you,” Francis said in a joking tone.

“We were just, um…” Alfred trailed off, unsure of how to explain what they were doing.

Arthur huffed and stormed past them without a word, heading straight for his bedroom. Faolán and Francis half expected him to slam the door and were surprised when he calmly shut it.

Confusion shown clearly in Alfred’s eyes. “Is Artie okay?”

Francis sighed and murmured something that neither Alfred nor Faolán understood. He took a step like he wanted to follow after Arthur, but then thought better of it and decided to figure out what the two in front of him were up to. “Dare I ask what you’ve been doing?”

“I’m helping Faolán with his romance problems!” Alfred said happily.

Francis looked the exact opposite of impressed. He looked to the redhead with a raised eyebrow. “So you went to him for advice?” He paused for a moment when Faolán nodded. “Next time, come ask me. Now, I’m going to go talk to Arthur. You,” he pointed to Alfred. “Don’t ever give dating advice again.”

Alfred crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. “I thought it was a good plan…”

Francis shook his head and then went to explain things to Arthur before the man did anything rash. Sometimes he wished he never became a landlord - then he wouldn’t have to deal with so much drama. (Actually, what he really wished was that Alfred hadn’t moved in. Things were so much more peaceful before then.)

“Why’s Artie so angry anyway?” Alfred quietly asked Faolán.

“Lets, um, go for a walk. I think it’s time you know something.”

“Alright, cool! We can figure out what you’ll do on your date too!”

“No. We’re going to focus on you and Arthur right now.”

Not for the first time, Francis wondered how he always got dragged into relationship problems. Sure, he used to seek out opportunities to do a little matchmaking, but he’d left those days behind. Advice was one thing, but stepping in to intervene when things weren’t going well was another.

“No turning back now,” he murmured as he knocked on the door. “Arthur? It’s Francis. I’m coming in.”

-.-.-

Text message

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I made Arthur mad.
October 2, 2011 - 1:03 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
What did you do this time?
1:05 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
He walked in on Faolán asking me out and got all angry about it and now I don’t know what to do
1:06 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
What? You didn’t say ‘yes’ did you?
1:07 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Don’t be dumb, mattie. He didn’t really ask me out. I was helping him practice! But that’s not the point. What should I do?
1:09 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Have you tried to tell him what you were doing?
1:10 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I did that! He won’t answer my calls or texts
1:11 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Then go over there and talk to him. I don’t understand how you get into these kinds of situations.
1:13 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
I don’t get why he’s so mad anyways
1:14 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I can’t help you there.
1:15 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Faolán tried to explain it, I think. Something about how Artie agreeing to be Robin was a big deal.
1:17 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
So he tried to explain it in comic nerd terms and you still didn’t understand it? Wow.
1:18 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Hey, watch it.
1:19 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Just go talk to him. I don’t know what else to tell you.
1:20 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Worked things out with Artie!
October 2, 2011 - 8:26 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
I’m happy to hear that.
8:28 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Matthew Williams
So what are you doing for Halloween this year? Hockey player or something else?
October 7, 2011 - 3:46 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Al wants to keep it a secret.
4:17 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Now can you tell me what you’re doing?
October 7, 2011 - 5:05 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
For Halloween? Al convinced me to do a superhero group with him. I’m going as the green arrow.
5:06 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I’m not sure if that sounds lame or awesome. You got a girl in the group?
5:07 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yeah. Katyusha’s going as power girl
5:08 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Okay, since you got a girl in your group then that elevates it from lame to awesome. Take some pictures. I wanna see how hot Katyusha looks.
5:10 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Sometimes the interest you show in her worries me. She’s got a boyfriend, by the way. I think.
5:12 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You think?
5:13 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
She went on a date with Faolán - one of Arthur’s brothers, the other day. Alfred was weirdly happy about it. I guess it was what he was helping him with on Sunday.
5:15 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
So what about you and Braginski? Alfred find out about that yet?
5:18 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yeah, he walked in on me and Ivan sitting on the couch. It was the same night he convinced me to be a superhero for Halloween. Him and Ivan have bonded over it
5:20 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I bet that’s weird.
5:21 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
It is. Especially since he’s using it as an excuse to intrude on our dates and alone time.
5:22 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You’re still dating him?
5:23 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yeah
5:24 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
How’s that going? Between your bro being a cockblock
5:27 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Alright I guess.
5:28 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Uh oh. Trouble in paradise, birdie?
5:29 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I like being with him. A lot. It’s just… I dunno. The romance bit always feels so awkward.
5:32 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
If its not working then maybe you should just go back to being friends. Or hockey buddies or whatever.
5:33 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Maybe.
5:35 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
It’s turkey day!
October 10, 2011 - 8:42 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Don’t eat so much that you throw up all over Ludwig’s shoes this year.
8:56 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
It’s been years since I did that!
9:00 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You broken up with Braginski yet?
October 11, 2011 - 11:59 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
No. I’m not planning on doing that anytime soon. I want to try to make this work.
12:03 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Now you sound more like a chick than usual.
12:05 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
There’s nothing wrong with trying. Maybe if you’d done the same with Elizaveta the two of you would still be together.
12:07 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Low blow, birdie. What’s with you lately? More stress? What stupid thing has Alfred done lately?
12:09 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
He got himself locked on the roof twice this week. And one of the janitor closets at college. I had to rescue him all 3 times because Kiku and Arthur were busy.
12:12 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I wonder what I can lock him in when you come back for Christmas
12:17 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Please don’t.
12:28 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Come over and try on your costume. Kiku just finished it and wants 2 make sure its good
October 17, 2011 - 7:34 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Alright. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be over.
7:35 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Alfred F. Jones Kiku Honda makes the best costumes ever!
October 18, 2011 - 10:44 pm · Comment · Like
[Matthew Williams, Arthur Kirkland, and Mei Li like this]
Kiku Honda: I could not have done it without Mei Li.
10:52 pm · Like
Mei Li: It was fun to help make them! Especially Katyusha’s. Usually the only girl costumes I get to work on are my own, so it was nice to make one for someone else. I hope she likes it!
11:24 pm · Like
Ivan Braginski: I can’t wait until mine is done. This is exciting!
11:34 pm · Like
Kiku Honda: I should be able to finish yours in the next few days, Ivan. By Monday at the latest.
11:37 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones You know what’s lame? Not being able to go trick or treating anymore.
October 20, 2011 - 4:13 pm · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Your face is lame!
8:26 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones to Matthew Williams
Beilschmidt’s being a dick
October 20, 2011 - 8:28 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: what am I supposed to do about it?
8:30 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Make him stop!
8:33 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m pretty sure that’s impossible.
8:36 pm via Mobile Web · Like [Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this]

Faolán Kirkland is in a relationship with Katyusha B
October 21, 2011 - 9:16 am · Comment · Like
Scotty Kirkland: What
9:24 am via Mobile Web · Like
Ivan Braginski: What?!
9:25 am · Like
Ioan Kirkland: What?
9:25 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Way to go, dude! See, I told you my advice would work!
9:28 am via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Katyusha
From: Ivan
It’s not true is it?
October 21, 2011 - 9:26 am · Reply

To: Vanya
From: Katyusha
Is what not true?
9:29 am · Reply

To: Katyusha
From: Ivan
You’re not really dating Faolán Kirkland are you?
9:30 am · Reply

To: Vanya
From: Katyusha
I am. Please don’t be angry, brother. I really like him. He’s sweet.
9:32 am · Reply

To: Katyusha
From: Ivan
Why didn’t you tell me? When did this happen?
9:33 am · Reply

To: Vanya
From: Katyusha
Could we talk about this later? I need to focus on working right now. I promise we’ll talk when I get home.
9:36 am · Reply

To: Katyusha
From: Ivan
Okay.
9:37 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Al
From: Faolán
I didn’t take your advice. I talked with Francis instead.
October 21, 2011 - 10:17 am · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Gilbert Beilschmidt Bollywood movies are surprisingly awesome.
October 24, 2011 - 9:23 pm via Mobile Web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: what’s this? You’re watching a foreign film that isn’t from Germany? It must be the end of the world
9:54 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: ha ha ha. Funny, Birdie. I’ve watched plenty of other foreign films!
9:58 pm · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: And referred to most of them as ‘snooze fests’.
10:01 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Not you too, West!
10:02 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: My best friend and my baby brother both making fun of me.
10:04 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: if anything’s a sign of the end of the world, that’s it.
10:04 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You broke up with Braginski yet?
October 25 2011 - 6:07 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Or is the problem that you’re suffering from sexual tension?
6:09 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
How about you head over there and give him a big ol’ smooch?
6:10 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Tackle him onto a bed
6:11 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Or the couch
6:11 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Or the floor
6:12 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Anywhere will do, really
6:13 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Elizaveta, I know that’s you. Give the phone back to Gilbert.
6:14 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Curses, you’ve foiled my genius plan!
6:15 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Giving it back now.
6:16 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Hey, Birdie. ;)
6:17 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I know that’s still you, Elizaveta.
6:18 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Francis had something like an evening ritual.

He’d eat dinner, usually alone, and have one glass of red wine. Then, if no one dropped by to see him, he’d go out back and sit on the bench in his rose garden. On cloudless night’s he would stargaze, trying (and failing) to pick out the different constellations.

It was his time to think. To reflect on his day. To silently reminisce about the past.

The back gate creaked open and Francis slowly exhaled. Only one person ever bothered him at that time of night. It didn’t take long before a tall redhead settled down next to him and lit up a cigarette.

“’s a nice night,” Scotty remarked, breathing out smoke. “Y’okay? Haven’t seen yeh this mopey since Matthew flat-out turned yeh down last year.”

Francis shrugged and reached up to take the smoke from Scotty. He took a long drag and then handed it back.

Scotty didn’t press the issue, choosing to finish smoking in quiet. It wasn’t long before he grinded it out on the concrete bench and let it rest there. “If tellin’ you where Arthur is will cheer you up, then I’d be happy to tell you.”

Though his voice was light, Francis could hear the underlying agitation in his friend’s voice. He curiously peered at Scotty, wondering what had his old friend so bothered.

“Still don’ know what you see in the little brat,” Scotty muttered, standing up. He ran a hand through his fiery red hair and frowned down at Francis, who continued to say nothing. “Don’ know why I came out here. Figured you’d wanna talk, but I guess I thought wrong.” He hesitated for a moment longer, waiting to see if Francis had anything to say, and then scoffed and walked away.

Francis tilted his head back and stared up at the stars.

For someone who prided himself on recognizing the signs of love, it took him a disturbingly long time to realize that his friend wasn’t agitated, he was jealous.

“Merde,” he muttered, patting down his pockets in search of his cell phone. He breathed a sigh of relief when he located it and quickly searched out Scotty’s name to send his friend a message.

-.-.-

Text message

To: Scotty
From: Francis
I’m not in love with Arthur.
October 25, 2011 - 9:17 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
So how are things with Ivan?
October 27, 2011 - 11:30 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Things are fine. Could you tell Gil to stop asking me when I’m going to break up with him?
11:34 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
You and I both know that asking him to not do something only makes him want to do it more. It would probably be best if we don’t say anything. He’ll get tired of it
11:37 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Hopefully. So what are you two doing for Halloween?
11:38 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Gilbert’s being surprisingly quiet about what he’s doing this year. He said I should do something on my own, so I convinced some coworkers to join me. You remember Feliks and Toris?
11:40 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Yeah, I do. Gil always liked playing pranks on them in high school.
11:41 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
I’m going to be a prince, Feliks is my princess. I think we convinced Toris to be the fairy godmother. Only he doesn’t want to wear a dress so he’s the fairy godfather instead.
11:43 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Sounds interesting. At least Gil won’t be able to flip your skirt or whatever this year. Better warn Feliks though
11:46 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
We’ve already prepared for that.
11:47 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Shorts or something mind scarring that I’d rather not think about while I’m eating?
11:49 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Mind scarring, of course!
11:50 am · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Don’t tell Gilbert. He deserves it if he pulls that crap this year.
11:52 am · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
I promise I won’t tell. I’ll talk to you later. Al’s yelling for me.
11:54 am · Reply

-.-.-

Alfred loved Halloween. He loved being able to run around in a costume and not get weird looks. He loved all of the scary movies that came on TV. He loved dragging his friends (and Matthew) out to haunted houses and hay rides. And he was quickly coming to love the Halloween party that Francis threw every year.

“Matt, hurry up and get dressed! We’re supposed to meet everyone else downstairs in five minutes!” Alfred yelled, already wearing his Batman costume.

“I’m coming. Just give me a second,” replied Matthew.

Alfred paced back and forth impatiently, checking the clock on the wall every few seconds. After what felt like ages to him, Matthew finally stepped out of his bedroom, looking none-too-thrilled.

“I look like Robin Hood,” grumbled the other blond. “Robin Hood with a mask. No one’s going to know who I am. It’ll be another year of me explaining to people who the hell I’m supposed to be.”

“That’s why you gotta stick with the rest of us,” Alfred said. “If you’re in a group with a bunch of superheroes, then everyone will know that you’re also a superhero!”
Matthew sighed and adjusted the quiver on his back. “Lets just go.”

“Be proud, bro,” Alfred said, patting Matthew on the back. “The Green Arrow’s an awesome dude, so you gotta act the part. Don’t mope around all night. Y’gotta find that inner badass! Think about hockey or something if that’ll help!”

Matthew gave his brother a strained smile and nodded.

-.-.-

Katyusha giggled and happily clapped her hands together when Alfred and Matthew met up with them at the front door. “You both look so good!”

“Thanks, Kat,” Matthew said.

“Yeah, thanks!” Alfred echoed his brother. “You look really hot! Mei did an amazing job!”

Katyusha blushed and murmured a shy “thanks” while Faolán (dressed as a photographer) wrapped an arm around her shoulder and cast a warning look at Alfred. The American raised up his hands and backed off, deciding to focus his attention on his Robin instead.

“Lookin’ good, Artie!”

“Don’t call me that.”

Matthew rolled his eyes at his brother and looked around for Ivan, who had yet to show up. Kiku, in his Green Lantern costume, snuck up next to him to watch everyone talk and interact while they were waiting for the stragglers.

Alfred was in the middle of jokingly calling Faolán a ginger Peter Parker and telling him that he was in the wrong universe when Ivan finally showed up, standing proud and tall in his Superman costume.

Kiku politely cleared his throat, somehow managing to get everyone to quiet down with just that. “I was hoping we could get a few pictures before we leave.”

“I’ll take them!” Faolán volunteered, raising his hand. “Big group first!”

Kiku handed over his own camera.

Though it was a bit cramped, the six of them arranged themselves in the hall and posed the best the could. Faolán laughed and directed Matthew to move over slightly so he wasn’t half hidden by Alfred. He took a few pictures with his own camera and then with Kiku’s before motioning for them to break apart so he could do individual things. Katyusha was first, pulling off some surprisingly confident poses. Next went Kiku, followed by Alfred and Arthur (since Al insisted they take photo’s as a pair), Ivan happily went after them, and Matthew brought up the rear, carefully notching an arrow and taking aim without releasing it and accidentally hurting someone. (Kiku and Alfred had both insisted he use a real bow and arrows, despite his protests about it being too dangerous.)

“Alright, Justice League! Lets roll out!” Alfred shouted, pumping a fist into the air.

No one bothered to point out the inaccuracies in his statement.

-.-.-

Facebook

Gilbert Beilschmidt is now friends with Shandar Patel
October 31, 2011 - 11:13 pm

Gilbert Beilschmidt created a new folder called Halloween - posted 38 new photos
October 31, 2011 - 11:17 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Wow, you must have really enjoyed those Bollywood movies. Is that the new guy in our neighbourhood next to you?
11:23 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Yup, it is. He’s pretty cool
11:24 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: looks like you had a ton of fun this year. I didn’t think to take a camera to get pictures, but Kiku did. He said he’ll post them tomorrow morning.
11:26 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Why did Ludwig wrestle you to the ground in that one?
11:27 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Damn it. I told Veta to delete those. He was just jealous that I had such an awesome entrance and didn’t invite him.
11:29 pm · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt: That’s not the reason.
11:32 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: I look hot though, right? All the girls were checking me out.
11:34 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Sure, Gil.
11:35 pm · Like

Kiku Honda posted 42 new photos - tagged Alfred F. Jones, Matthew Williams, Arthur Kirkland, and 21 others
November 1, 2011 - 9:36 am · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: These turned out awesome!
9:43 am · Like
Arthur Kirkland: Did you have to take that one of Francis groping Scotty?
9:46 am · Like
Francis B.: For your information, I was assisting him with his kilt.
9:48 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Holy shit is that Alfred and Arthur as fucking batman and robin? I want that pic framed and mounted on my wall
9:50 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Birdie looks like robin hood.
9:53 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: But a sexy robin hood
9:54 am · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: You’ll have to excuse Gilbert. I’m pretty sure he’s still drunk from last night
9:56 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Am not!
9:58 am · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: What the hell is Francis supposed to be anyway?
9:59 am · Like
Francis B.: I was the Phantom of the opera
10:01 am · Like
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: Ah, I like how the ones with me and Lovi came out! He made such a cute little bull~
10:02 am · Like
Lovino Vargas: I only did it so Feliciano wouldn’t have to.
10:04 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m not sure whether to be disturbed or happy at being called a sexy robin hood.
10:05 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Which wasn’t even what I was. I was the Green Arrow, Gil.
10:06 am via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Yeah yeah. I know cuz you told me. You still look like robin hood to me.
10:08 am · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Have you sobered up yet?
November 1, 2011 - 4:26 pm · Reply

To: Robin Hood
From: Gilbert
I’m not sure. This is Birdie, right? Veta went and changed all the numbers in my phone. Or else I got drunker than I thought.
4:27 pm · Reply

To: Robin Hood
From: Gilbert
I’m assuming ‘robin hood’ is you.
4:28 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yes, it’s me.
4:30 pm · Reply

To: Robin Hood
From: Gilbert
Awesome. Now I just have to figure out who the rest of these people are. And change the names back.
4:32 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Good luck. Let me know if I can help.
4:33 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Seeing as how the rest of them are either ‘dick1 dick2 dick3 Veta hahaha goodluck dick4 Dad’. Yeah. I’m just gonna have to text people. What a pain.
4:39 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Ivan and I broke up.
November 4, 2011 - 9:10 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
WHAT?! Why? Thought you were working it out!
9:11 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
We tried. But we both decided we’re better as just friends. Still going to have movie nights and hockey days and everything, of course.
9:13 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
So this is a good thing? Or what? I’m not sure how to react anymore.
9:15 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I think it’s good. I mean, we didn’t have a big argument that everyone could hear or anything. Just a quiet discussion.
9:16 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
So the exact opposite of me and Veta.
9:18 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yeah, pretty much.
9:19 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Matthew Williams
When are you coming home?
November 6, 2011 - 6:12 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: Nevar
6:29 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: damn it Alfred
6:30 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: that’s what you get for staying logged in bro
6:31 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Wait is that my phone you’re using?
6:33 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: it is. So behave or else I’ll post embarrassing things to your facebook.
6:35 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Okay okay, truce.
6:36 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: So, seriously, when are you coming home?
6:39 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Not until December, Gil.
6:41 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Okay, that’s fucking weird. Stop posting with each other’s name
6:43 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: That was actually Alfred. Trying to impersonate me.
6:45 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: What? Now I’m really confused.
6:47 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m posting using a phone. Alfred isn’t.
6:49 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: oh yeah. I knew that.
6:51 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Suuuuuuuuurree you did.
6:53 pm · Like

Elizaveta Héderváry to Matthew Williams
Please tell me you’re coming home as soon as you can. When are your finals?
November 8, 2011 - 12:42 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m not sure. Sometime in early December. Is Gil already driving you crazy about it?
2:24 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Yes. He’s driving everyone crazy, I think. Ludwig kicked him out of the house for a few hours the other day.
2:27 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: He always goes a little crazy when you leave.
2:28 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: He’s crazy when I’m home too.
2:34 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: It’s worse when you’re not.
2:36 pm · Like

Matthew Williams: Alfred F. Jones has banned all Christmas decorating until after Thanksgiving…
November 13, 2011 - 5:13 pm · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: But Thanksgiving was a month ago!
5:48 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Not here in America.
5:59 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: That’s fucking weird.
6:02 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: You’re fucking weird
6:04 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Your face is fucking weird!
6:05 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Lets not start that again.
6:08 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones is so ready for Thanksgiving!
November 20, 2011 - 3:05 pm · Comment · Like

Alfred F. Jones to Francis B.
Are we gonna do that going around the table to say things we’re thankful for thing again this year?
November 20, 2011 - 4:13 pm · Comment · Like
Francis B.: I’m afraid I’m feeling a bit under the weather this year and won’t be cooking.
6:25 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Aw man, now what am I going to do?
6:28 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I could cook.
9:17 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: No, no. That’s okay, Artie. I’m sure Mattie can whip us up something. Or I’ll just make mac ‘n cheese. Get some deli meat. Make a turkey sandwich. Actually, that sounds really good right now.
9:24 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Isn’t that what you had for lunch yesterday?
10:12 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Can I come back in now?
November 22, 2011 - 12:43 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
No. We’re still cooking. Why don’t you and Arthur go find something else to do until we finish cooking.
12:46 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Ur not making anything weird, are you? Thanksgiving is all about turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and maybe a vegetable and some dinner rolls.
12:47 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
If there’s something you don’t like then don’t eat it.
12:49 pm · Reply

To: Alfred
From: Matthew
Though I get the feeling that if you don’t have at least one of Antonio’s churros then he’ll act like he’s offended.
12:51 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Alfred
Well at least those are tasty. Still not appropriate Thanksgiving food tho
12:53 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Matthew Williams looks like it’s that time of year again.
November 25, 2011 - 4:13 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: CHRISTMAS!
4:23 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I meant it’s time to start studying for finals.
4:29 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: That means you’re coming home soon, right?
4:32 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Yeah, on either the 10th or 11th
4:38 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: I still think that’s too early. We should at least stay for a few more days!
4:43 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I’m not going to risk getting caught up in a blizzard.
4:45 pm · Like

Matthew Williams to Gilbert Beilschmidt
okay, so I may be staying longer than I originally planned
November 27, 2011 - 2:27 pm · Comment · Like
[Alfred F. Jones likes this]
Gilbert Beilschmidt: How long? A day? Maybe 2?
6:12 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Dad had to change his visit to the 10th-15th so he can celebrate an early Christmas with us.
6:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Pretty sure Al had something to do with the change, but I can’t prove anything right now.
6:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Haven’t heard from you for a few hours. You still alive? Not studying too hard?
December 1, 2011 - 10:11 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I think I’m having maple syrup withdrawals
10:28 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yet another reason why you should get your dad to change his visit back to what it was so you can come home sooner.
10:32 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I wish I could. At least it’s just a couple more days. We’ll pack up on the 15th and head home on the 16th.
10:34 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I guess I can accept that.
10:37 pm · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
The days will fly by, Gil. You’ll see.
10:38 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Are you coming home yet?
December 2, 2011 - 12:01 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Ha ha very funny. Go to sleep.
12:03 am · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Matthew Williams is going to murder Alfred F. Jones in his sleep
December 5, 2011 - 3:12 pm · Comment · Like
[Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this]
Alfred F. Jones: What did I do?!
3:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: You know what you did.
3:20 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Oh yeah, that. Oops.
3:20 pm via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones maybe I should have studied for those exams a bit more…
December 7, 2011 - 8:25 pm · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: I told you that you should, but you didn’t want to listen to me. Instead you had to prank your brother.
9:32 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Scotty
From: Arthur
Is there a reason why you’ve been avoiding Francis since before Halloween? It’s starting to get annoying.
December 11, 2011 - 1:04 pm · Reply

To: Arthur
From: Scotty
I’m not. Why don’t you go hang out with Alfred and stop bothering me
1:08 pm · Reply

To: Scotty
From: Arthur
I can’t. He and Matthew are spending the day with their dad. Which is why I’m stuck here listening to Francis talk about how you hate him. I’ve lost count of the number of glasses of wine he’s had.
1:12 pm · Reply

To: Arthur
From: Scotty
Whatever
1:14 pm · Reply

To: Scotty
From: Arthur
I don’t care whether you’re angry with him or not, get your arse over here and talk some sense into this idiot.
3:46 pm · Reply

To: Scotty
From: Arthur
For the love of god, Scotty! He’s been crying into my sweater for the past hour!
3:49 pm · Reply

To: Arthur
From: Scotty
Fine. I’m coming over.
4:18 pm · Reply

To: Scotty
From: Arthur
Well it’s about bloody time.
4:19 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Okay, it’s the 15th. That means you’re coming home tomorrow, right?
December 15, 2011 - 12:03 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Text me at a more reasonable hour and I’ll give you an answer
12:07 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
This is a reasonable hour, right?
December 15, 2011 - 10:02 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Huh?
10:06 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Oh, right. Yeah. What was your question again?
10:07 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Matthew
You’re coming home tomorrow, right?
10:09 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
About that….
10:12 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
But you said you were!
10:13 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
What the hell did you do now? Why aren’t you two coming up tomorrow?
December 15, 2011 - 10:14 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Gilbert
Dude, what the hell are you talking about?
10:18 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
Mattie just told me you’re not coming up tomorrow! What gives?
10:20 am · Reply

To: Gilfreak
From: Alfred
Hey, it wasn’t me this time. I think Ivan and Katyusha talked him into doing something on Saturday, so now we’re staying until the end of the weekend.
10:23 am · Reply

To: Alfuck
From: Gilbert
No fucking way.
10:25 am · Reply

-.-.-

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Cancel plans with those losers and come home.
December 15, 2011 - 10:27 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I can’t. Katyusha gave me this sad look when I told her I was going home tomorrow, so I said I’d stay a few extra days. It’ll be okay.
10:30 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Fine. Whatever.
10:35 am · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Lars Peeters to Matthew Williams
Please come home and collect Beilschmidt from my couch.
December 17, 2011 - 6:15 pm · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams: I’ll be home on Monday.
6:18 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Why is Gil on your couch?
6:19 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Lars Peeters: Laura invited him over. Apparently they’re friends. I don’t think I’ll be able to stand him laying on my couch for another five minutes, let alone two days.
6:21 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: I’ll see if I can get in touch with Elizaveta or Ludwig.
6:24 pm via Mobile Web · Like
Lars Peeters: Thanks.
6:25 pm · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Apparently Gilbert is moping on the Peeters’s couch. Are you busy or can you go get him?
December 17, 2011 - 6:28 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Ludwig
From: Matthew
Gil’s moping on the Peeters’s couch and Lars is getting annoyed. Is there any chance you could go get him?
December 17, 2011 - 6:36 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Ludwig
I’ll go get him.
6:38 pm · Reply

-.-.-

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Nevermind. Ludwig’s going to go get him.
6:39 pm · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Matthew Williams so apparently the roads all iced over last night.
December 19, 2011 - 7:12 am · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt: You’re still coming home, right?
8:01 am · Like
Matthew Williams: Not unless the ice melts or the plow the road we’re on. It’s too dangerous to drive.
8:04 am via Mobile Web · Like
Katherine Williams: Be careful, boys. It looks like we’ve got a big storm about to blow through in the next few days. Keep an eye on the weather so you don’t get caught out in it. I’d rather you be safe and sound rather than hurt trying to get home for Christmas.
8:18 am · Like
Matthew Williams: We’ll be careful. I promise.
8:20 am via Mobile Web · Like

Alfred F. Jones Staying home for another day! : )
December 19, 2011 - 9:28 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: They’re plowing the road right now. Finish packing.
9:35 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Can’t. Already made plans.
9:38 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I told you not to! Where are you? You can’t have left the apartment!
9:41 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: me and Artie and Kiku are walking down to 7-11 for slurpees. You want one?
9:43 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: No, I don’t!
9:45 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Well that’s good since we won’t be returning right away. Arthur wants to show us this new bookshop he found. Apparently it has some old comics too.
9:47 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: I hate you so much right now.
9:49 am via Mobile Web · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Just think. We could’ve been back last Friday if you hadn’t decided to do that thing with Ivan and Katyusha.
9:53 am via Mobile Web · Like
Matthew Williams: Shut up
9: 57 am via Mobile Web · Like

Matthew Williams I have never hated snow more than I do right now.
December 20, 2011 - 8:42 am · Comment · Like

Alfred F. Jones started decorating the apartment!
December 20, 2011 - 10:07 am · Comment · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You are not seriously considering staying down there.
December 20, 2011 - 11:11 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
When I woke up there was already an inch of snow on the road. It’s coming down slowly, but the area we’re in isn’t exactly a major concern. Not when everything is within walking distance.
11:18 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
My car would never make it through this. Not safely.
11:21 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
What if it clears up? You’ll come home then, right?
11:24 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Maybe. Alfred seems pretty set on having Christmas down here. He invited Kiku and Arthur over to help him decorate. Americat keeps tangling himself up in tinsel and making a mess. At least Catada is behaving.
11:26 am · Reply

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
And Lovino just showed up to hide from Antonio and now he’s sitting on the couch making snide comments about Al’s decorating skills.
11:27 am · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Damn.
11:34 am · Reply

-.-.-

Facebook

Matthew Williams Looks like I’m celebrating Christmas in America this year…
December 20, 2011 - 8:02 pm · Comment · Like
Katherine Williams: So long as you stay safe, sweetie. Maybe you’ll be able to visit for New Years.
8:26 pm · Like
Matthew Williams: Yeah. The storm should have passed by then.
8:29 pm · Like

Alfred F. Jones I am totally prepared for the snowstorm!
December 21, 2011 - 10:43 am · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland: When your plan is to go to your neighbours for food and whatever else if the power goes out, I don’t think you can consider yourself prepared.
11:16 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Of course I can! I know exactly what I’m going to do!
11:18 am · Like

-.-.-

Text message

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Gilbert hasn’t spoken to me since Tuesday. Is he okay?
December 21, 2011 - 1:31 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Don’t you worry, I’ve been keeping him preoccupied so he doesn’t mope too much.
1:48 pm · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
I’m really sorry I won’t be there for Christmas.
1:50 pm · Reply

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
I know you are. And so does Gilbert, even if he’d never admit it. Don’t let it bring you down too much.
1:53 pm · Reply

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
I’ll try not to.
1:54 pm · Reply

Chapter Text

All for the Love of Maple Syrup

 

Christmas Blues

 

December 23, 2011

Matthew stared at the screen of whiteness beyond his window, for once not happy with the great amount of snow falling. He knew it was a bad idea to stay a few extra days in America. Especially since "a few extra days" had turned into "lets go to Canada two days before Christmas because the roads keep icing" and there they were, stuck at the apartment in the middle of a blizzard when they should have been well on their way to the Great White North.

"Bro, stop sulking by the window and come help us!" Alfred cajoled from across the room, where he was sitting with half-tangled lights strung up across his body, flickering in a seizure-inducing pattern. Arthur was next to him, trying his best to ignore him as he rifled through a box of decorations left over from when he and his brothers put up things around their own rooms. Scotty, Ioan, and Faolan were sitting in a half circle on the other side of Alfred, slowing stringing more lights onto the blond as they untangled them.

They'd locked the cats up in Alfred's room several hours before, since they kept attacking the strings of lights and the tinsel. Americat had persistently yowled and scratched at the door before giving up and finding something else to do. Matthew suspected that "something else" involved pulling clothing out of drawers and trying to climb the curtains. Again.

Ioan looked up from his lights, brushing his dark hair away from his green eyes as he turned them onto Matthew. "We could use your help turning Alfred into a Christmas tree."

Scotty grinned around his unlit cigarette. "I think we should dye his hair green."

"Dude, that'd be sweet! Can we do that?" Alfred asked.

Arthur scoffed as he withdrew an old candy cane from the box. He wrinkled his nose and dropped it into the garbage can next to him. "Don't be ridiculous, Alfred. First of all, you would look horrendous and there is no way I will be seen in public with you if you have green hair. Second of all, where would you even get green dye? If you hadn't noticed, there is a blizzard raging outside. I doubt there is any store open."

"I figured we could send Mattie. He's Canadian. He can handle it," Alfred said.

Matthew rolled his eyes and stood up. He'd had enough of watching the snow. "I'm not stupid enough to go out into an actual blizzard, Alfred."

"You're not going to sulk for all of Christmas, are you?" Alfred asked. "You're just as much to blame for us being here as I am!"

Matthew stared at him for a moment and then started to make his way to the door, stepping carefully around everything littering the floor. He wasn't in the mood to talk to his twin.

Scotty began hanging ornaments from Alfred's glasses, making them slide down the American's nose. Foalan and Ioan followed suit, though they hooked theirs onto the lights. Arthur rolled his eyes at the four of them.

"Where're you going, Matt?" Ioan asked.

"Visiting Carlos," Matthew murmured as he finally made it to the door. "I'll be back later."

"Okay. Have… fun." Ioan frowned when Matthew left before he had a chance to finish speaking. "Is Matt okay? I mean, besides the obvious."

"He's just sulking," Alfred said dismissively, catching an ornament as it swung free of his glasses. He fixed the wire and then hung it back.

Arthur frowned. "You shouldn't brush aside your brothers feelings so easily. I know you're happy to be staying here for the holidays, and believe me when I say the rest of us are also pleased, but Matthew has been looking forward to going home for weeks. Think about how you'd feel if something you really want to do was suddenly called off due to weather. For Gods sake, Alfred I know you have a brain, if you would only use it!" He huffed and stood up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go have a chat with the poor lad. God knows he needs someone sensible to talk to."

"No, wait! I'll do it!" Ioan volunteered, shoving his box of ornaments into Scotty's arms. The redhead glared at him, but he ignored it, jumping to his feet instead. "You get to have all the talks you want with Alfred that you want, but I called Mattie. So you sit your arse back down, little bro!" He shoved Arthur down into Alfred before fleeing out the door, giggling like a child.

Sometimes it was hard to believe he was the eldest Kirkland brother.

---

 

 

"Goin' to visit Carlos, eh?" Ioan asked, raising a dark eyebrow when he came across Matthew sitting on the stairs between the second and third floors. Even though the Canadian made no move to speak, or even that he'd noticed Ioan's approach, the brunet kept speaking. "Nah, it's alright. I get it. Kind of hard to think when there's a room full of talkative, lively people."

Matthew sighed heavily. "If you know I want to be alone, then why are you here?"

"Just wantin' to see if you wanna talk," Ioan said.

"I don't."

"Pity. Because I do. " Without missing a beat, Ioan sat down next to Matthew and stretched out his long legs. "Look, I know you were looking forward to going home for the holidays. I get it. Really. But-"

"Ioan, I really don't want to talk," Matthew stated, more firmly than before. He started to stand, but Ioan caught his wrist, grasping it just tightly enough to show Matthew he was being serious.

"No. Sit. Honestly, whoever said Alfred was the more difficult and hardheaded twin has never tried to talk to you." He huffed softly, releasing Matthew's wrist once he was sure the boy wasn't going anywhere. "You probably think Alfred's being insensitive about this and I guess he is, in a way, but think about this for a moment - his friends, his whole life is here in America. Of course he's going to be happy about getting to stay. And I think you should be happy too." He lowered his voice and rested a hand on Matthew's knee. "Matt, this is the last year you'll be down here with us. I mean, I know you'll pop in to visit Al every now and then, but it won't be the same. I think it'd be great if you could enjoy the festivities with the rest of us. And hey, who knows, maybe the roads'll clear right up after Christmas and you can pay a quick trip home before the new semester begins!"

"That'd be a miracle…" Matthew muttered.

Ioan grinned. "Yeah. A Christmas Miracle.'

Matthew groaned at the bad joke and was unable to stop his lips from curving up into a small smile. "That's horrible. Stop talking."

"No way! I've got a whole sleigh full of really terrible Christmas jokes and puns and this'll be the year I use them all!" Ioan said happily, slinging an arm around Matthew's shoulders. "So prepare yourself! This'll be a Christmas you'll never forget!"

Matthew chuckled. "That's for sure."

 

 

Gilbert Beilschmidt to Matthew Williams
Miss you, Birdie
December 23, 2011 - 7:39 pm via mobile web · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: wow that doesn't sound gay all
7:58 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: that was sarcasm btw
7:58 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt : Fuck off, Jones. This is all your fault!
8:00 pm via mobile web · Like
Matthew Williams : No, don't blame him. I'm just as much at fault, Gil.
8:03 pm via mobile web · Like

 

 

Text message

 

 

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Miss you too
December 23, 2011 - 8:05 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Christmas won't be nearly as awesome without you.
8:13 pm · Reply

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Damn straight
8:14 pm · Reply

 

 

December 24, 2011

 

After his talk with Ioan, Matthew did his best to look on the bright side of the situation and not mope so much. He was surprised by how much fun it could be when everyone in the building left their doors opened or unlocked so everyone could come and go as they pleased, leaving behind gifts or cute decorations or notes. There also seemed to be a bit of a Secret Santa project going on.

However, there was one thing that made Matthew cringe. And that was the sheer amount of mistletoe that Francis and Feliciano had decided to hang up everywhere.

And by everywhere, he meant everywhere .

No doorway or room was safe. It was literally impossible to walk through the building without going under one of the troublesome plants.

So naturally, Matthew took to hiding out in his room after collecting a bag of Cheetos, a box of his favorite cereal, and several bottles of water so he wouldn't have to venture out into the danger zone often. He'd declared his room a mistletoe-free zone back when he first learned what Francis was up to and so far they'd stuck to that rule. With any luck, he wouldn't have to threaten anyone with his hockey stick to keep it that way.

From his room, he was at a perfect vantage from which to watch the goings-on in the living room. That meant he was able to see every awkward encounter that happened beneath the mistletoe, which looked like it was flashing different colors thanks to the strings of lights hung across the ceiling and down the walls. (Scotty and Alfred had gotten a little overzealous during their decorating. Eggnog may have been involved.)

So far, Alfred had gotten caught under it three times with two people. Once with a profusely blushing Arthur and twice with a not-at-all-bashful Yong Soo. (In fact, Matthew was almost certain that the Korean teen was trying his damnedest to catch as many people as he could under the parasitic plant.) Kiku had proven to have ninja-like skills when it came to ducking out of a kiss. And, aside from the odd shuffle he and Scotty did, Francis welcomed every encounter with open arms.

Matthew had been lucky enough to only be caught once, and it was with Ivan. The two bumped noses as they brushed lips, unable to do much more as they both started laughing, immediately reminded of how incompatible they were in a romantic sense. (During the short period of time in which they'd dated, they'd never done much more than snuggle - they were like the masters of snuggling - and everything else ended up being extremely awkward. If they weren't bumping noses or elbowing one another in the ribs or accidentally head butting one another, then they were making inappropriate jokes or sharing lengthy moments of silence which were just as uncomfortable as they were quiet.)

The encounter had been more than enough for him, and it was after that when he decided staying in his room was the best plan of action.

His phone chimed his text alert and Matthew looked down to see he had a message from Gilbert.

 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Goddamn lake effect bullshit
December 24, 2011 - 3:29 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Still snowing up there too, I take it.
3:30 pm · Reply 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Ugh. Birdie, I know how much you like snow but this really fucking sucks
3:31 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I'm sure it'll slow down soon. We just need to be patient.
3:32 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yeah, I guess. It'd be better if I didn't have to drive in it
3:33 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Gilbert Beilschmidt you had better not be driving in the snow and texting at the same time
3:33 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I'm not! Someone else is driving. If you can call it that…
3:34 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Do I even want to know what you are up to?
3:35 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Can't tell. It's a secret. Gotta run now Birdie, we're almost there!
3:36 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Almost where? Wait, "we" who?
3:36 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
You had better not be doing anything stupid
3:37 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I'm too far away to bail you out of jail!
3:38 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I'm serious, Gilbert!
3:39 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Why must you always think the worst of me?
3:42 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I'm hurt. Really, I am.
3:43 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
To be fair, 9/10 times you won't tell me what you're doing because it's something that'll land you in trouble.
3:44 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Don't worry. This is perfectly legal! I think…
3:45 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Should I be sending a warning to Ludwig?
3:46 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Nah, he knows what we're doing. He's here with us!
3:47 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Did you seriously just call West?
3:50 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Do I have to remind you of the last time you told me Ludwig was with you?
3:51 pm · Reply 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Oh. You remember that, huh.
3:51 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
It's not exactly something that's easily forgotten. But seriously, what are you guys doing? I couldn't even get Ludwig to tell me.
3:52 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I told you. It's a secret.
3:53 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Hey. Do me a favor and look out your window. Tell me how much it's snowing.
3:54 pm · Reply

 

Matthew raised an eyebrow at the odd message. He knew what he was going to see - snow, snow, and more snow, falling thickly from the sky - but he got up to look anyway.

The first thing he noticed was that the flakes were no longer falling so heavily and were instead drifting down slowly. The second thing was that there was a horse-drawn sleigh on his street and a familiar trio slowly unloading a few bags. One of the people turned to look up at the building and spotted him in the window. The person grinned and gave Matthew a thumbs up.

Matthew's jaw dropped. "Oh sweet maple…" He stared in shock for a moment before he came to his senses. He tossed his phone back onto his bed and then unlocked and shoved open his window so he could yell at his ridiculous friends. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

Gilbert cackled loudly. "Visiting you, Birdie!"

"Yeah, I figured that much!" Matthew shouted back. "I meant - oh, never mind! What's with the sleigh?"

"Car got stuck in a ditch! Hey, how about you come down here and help us out!" Gilbert yelled.

"Matvey?"

Matthew turned his head so he could see Ivan, who was standing in his doorway with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Who are you talking to?" Ivan asked.

"My idiot of a best friend," Matthew replied with a sigh. He turned back to the window to yell to Gilbert that he'd be down in a minute before sliding it shut and locking it. "I'd better get down there." He reached for his coat and pulled it on, zipping it up before looking back at Ivan. Even though he knew it wouldn't be the best idea, he figured Ivan would still appreciate being asked. "Want to go down and greet them with me?"

Sure enough, Ivan smiled. "Am I allowed to push Beilschmidt in the snow?"

Matthew chuckled. "Sure. But only if he says something dumb. Or you could save your warfare for the snowball fight we'll probably have tonight."

Ivan perked up at the mention of a possible battle in the snow. "Can we be on the same team?"

"I dunno…" Matthew replied as he tugged on his gloves. His lips tugged up in a small smile. "We'd crush them."

"That's the best kind of fun!" Ivan said happily. "I'm going to get my coat. Meet me in the hall?"

Matthew nodded. He still needed to inform Alfred that they had guests, and that would probably take a minute or two. He let Ivan leave the room first and then cautiously followed, keeping a sharp eye out for mistletoe.

 

Gilbert Beilschmidt We arrived at Mattie's safe and sound!
December 24, 2011 - 3:56 pm via mobile web · Comment · Like
[ Katherine Williams , Shandar Patel , and 5 others like this]
Katherine Williams: I'm so glad to hear it! You kids have fun and stay safe on the drive home!
4:27 pm · Like

 

Kiku Honda posted 37 new photos – tagged 12 people
December 24, 2011 – 6:12 pm · Comment · Like
[Lars Peeters, Soren Khøler, and 27 others like this]
Francis B. : I'm especially fond of the ones where Matthew jumps on Alfred's back and shoves snow down his coat.
6:19 pm · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry : I think I have that on video! I'll post it later tonight.
6:21 pm via mobile web · Like
Soren Khøler: That looks like so much fun!
9:53 pm · Like

 

Alfred F. Jones I'm cold and tired and if I get sick its all Matthew's fault
December 24, 2011 – 6:17 pm via mobile web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams : You started it!
6:23 pm via mobile web · Like
Alfred F. Jones : You teamed up with Ivan! Which is totally cheating btw and not cool bro
6:24 pm via mobile web · Like
Matthew Williams : Not “cool”, eh?
6:26 pm via mobile web · Like [ Ioan Kirkland likes this]

 

Roman Vargas became friends with Wilhelm Beilschmidt and Katherine Williams .
December 24, 2011 – 6:43 pm · Comment · Like

 

Roman Vargas to Wilhelm Beilschmidt
Spending time with your delightful sons! Why have you never told them about me? It's like you're ashamed of our friendship!
December 24, 2011 – 6:45 pm · Comment · Like
Wilhelm Beilschmidt : Please don't tell Gilbert anything weird.
9:20 pm · Like

 

Matthew couldn't help but begin to worry when it'd been three hours since he last saw or heard from Gilbert. It didn't matter that Ludwig was with him. Not even he could keep Gilbert out of trouble. Has Elizaveta been around and not running errands with Kiku, she probably would have told him not to worry. After all, things had been pretty quiet the whole time (aside from Yong Soo's rampage through their floor).

Alfred wasn't around to distract him either, as he'd been invited downstairs to join the Kirkland brothers and Francis for extra-alcoholic eggnog. All Matthew had was the cats, who'd been released from their confinement at long last. Naturally, the moment he sat on the couch, he found himself with a warm furry scarf in the form of Alfred's overweight cat. Minutes later, Catada jumped onto the couch and curled up on his stomach.

He sighed and turned on the TV, picking one of the many animated Christmas movies. He wouldn't be able to hear anything over the purring, so he might as well pick something he'd seen every single year.

Matthew was beginning to drift off to sleep when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He struggled to get it free without dislodging the cats and smiled when he was finally able to see it was a message from Elizaveta.

 

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Kiku says to let Francis know we've found Roderich and are bringing him back home. We've tried calling him, but he's not answering.
9:33 pm · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
He's probably drunk and forgot about it. Arthur's brothers gathered all of the booze earlier and are testing to see which ones go best in eggnog.
9:38 pm · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
I didn't even know he'd gone out. He's always getting lost.
9:38 pm · Reply 

To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Yeah, Kiku was telling me all about it. Hey, is Roderich always so stuck up?
9:40 pm · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
He can come across that way, but he's not too bad. Btw, I haven't seen Gil for 3 hours. I might have to call him...
9:42 pm · Reply

 To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
He's not back from pasta with Feliciano's family?
9:43 pm · Reply

 To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
I expected that from Ludwig, but not Gil.
9:43 pm · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Please don't start trying to play matchmaker again. Gil told me all about how it went last time
9:45 pm · Reply

 To: Matthew
From: Elizaveta
Don't you worry your pretty little head.
9:46 pm · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Was that suppose to relieve my worry? Because it doesn't.
9:46 pm · Reply

 

Matthew groaned when Elizaveta didn't respond to his last message. After a minute or so of pondering what to do, he carefully removed Americat from around his neck and coerced Catada into vacating his lap. The cats grumpily slunk away to find a new space to nap.

There was one person who would gladly help him stop Elizaveta from going through with her plan.

 

To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Heads up, Elizaveta's trying to play matchmaker again.
9:59 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Damn, not again. Who is it this time? Kiku? Maybe that's why she volunteered to go with him
10:03 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
I think she's trying to set up Ludwig with Feliciano.
10:04 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Seriously?
10:04 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
It's either Feliciano or Lovino, but I really doubt it's Lovino.
10:05 pm · Reply 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
No fucking way. Pretty sure Lovi hates his guts
10:06 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
But uh Veta might be on the right track for once
10:06 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Even if she is, should we really let her interfere? I don't think Ludwig would like that. I know I wouldn't.
10:07 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
[picture]
Look how fucking cute is that
10:08 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Is Ludwig actually smiling?
10:09 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Yeah and its not because of all the awesome stories Roman's telling us. He and Vati knew each other, can you believe it? They did some traveling together “back in the day”.
10:11 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
That's pretty cool. I can text you later so you can keep listening.
10:12 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Nah, tonio showed up and that was the end of story time. Too bad cuz we'd reached embarrassing stories about Lovi and Feli and I wanted to tell baby West stories.\
10:14 pm · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Don't forget you have an entire car ride home with him.
10:15 pm · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Good point. Foiling Veta's plans sound more fun anyway so i'm coming back down. Pretty sure they've convinced West to spend the night up here. If I distract them, I might be able to sneak away.
10:17 pm · Reply

 

While waiting for Gilbert, who was taking his sweet time getting back downstairs, Matthew sent a message to Alfred to see how things were going with the Kirkland's. He did feel a little bad for abandoning his twin to stay in the comfort of their rooms, but the last thing he wanted to do was spend the evening baby-sitting Francis and Scotty and trying to deal with whatever was going on between them.

 

To: Al
From: Matthew
Everything alright down there?
10:22 pm · Reply

 To: Mattie
From: Alfred
Yup. I'm staying with Artie for the night
10:26 pm · Reply

 To: Al
From: Matthew
Okay. Don't drink too much.
10:26 pm · Reply

 To: Mattie
From: Alfred
I'm not. Can't say the same for every1 else though. Drunk carols w/scotty and ioan isn't as fun as I thought
10:27 pm · Reply

 To: Mattie
From: Alfred
Also Francis
10:27 pm · Reply

 To: Mattie
From: Alfred
So ioan speaks welsh? Sings welsh? This is weird bro
10:28 pm · Reply

 To: Al
From: Matthew
You're the one who chose to go down there. Enjoy your multilingual Christmas carols.
10:30 pm · Reply

 

December 25, 2011

 

Alfred F. Jones MERRY X-MAS!!!!!!
December 25, 2011 – 1:55 am via mobile web · Comment · Like
Matthew Williams : When everyone tries to kill u for screaming at 2 in the morning im not saving you
2:01 am via mobile web · like
Alfred F. Jones : I'm a hero Matt! Heroes don't need saving.
2:02 am via mobile web · like

 

To: West
From: Gilbert
Do we need to stage a rescue?
8:08 am · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Ludwig
I'm fine, Gilbert. I'll be down soon.
8:13 am · Reply

 To: West
From: Gilbert
Ok. I guess we'll wait for you. Alfred's not back yet either.
8:15 am · Reply

 To: West
From: Gilbert
Nevermind. He's back.
8:19 am · Reply

 

“Merry Christmas!” Alfred shouted as he threw open the door. He grinned at everyone sitting around the tree and reached up to quickly adjust his Santa hat.

“Merry Christmas,” Matthew responded, a bit more quietly than his twin. There was a surprisingly playful glint in his eyes that most people would mistake for Christmas cheer. “You're just in time for the carols.”

Alfred visibly flinched. “Ha ha, very funny, bro.” He paused for a few long seconds, realizing there was no one in the room who would back him up if Matthew decided to start singing. While Elizaveta enjoyed teaming up with him for jokes, she was equally as likely to turn around and prank him. And it would be a hot day in winter before Gilbert helped him with anything.

He cleared his throat. “So are we going to open up presents or what? C'mon, lets do this!”

“We can't,” Elizaveta spoke up. “Ludwig isn't back yet.”

Taking a second look around made Alfred see they were, in fact, down one person. “Oh. Right. Where is he anyway?” He'd sort of assumed Ludwig had stepped away to go to the bathroom or make a phone call from the safety of Matthew's bedroom, but it seemed that wasn't the case.

“He spent the night upstairs at Feliciano's,” Gilbert said, casting a sidelong glance at Elizaveta, who did nothing to hide her delight. “He's coming back down now.”

Alfred was a bit confused about when the two of them had become such good friends. Feliciano and Ludwig just made such an odd pair in his eyes. He heaved an obnoxiously loud sigh before joining Elizaveta on the floor. As he stretched out his legs and wiggled his toes, a new thought occurred to him. “Hey, where's Americat and Catada?”

“Sleeping in my room,” Matthew replied. “They tried to attack all of the presents as we sorted them into piles, so we had to lock them up.”

“But you're done with that now, so we can let them out!” Alfred was back on his feet in a split second, running for the bedroom door to release his precious babies.

Americat dashed out of the room and made a beeline for his favorite placed to nap – on the television stand, right in front of the TV. Catada purred and rubbed against Alfred's legs before pawing at his pants. Alfred was more than happy to scoop up the loveable ball of fluff and carry him back to the others.

Gilbert and Matthew were talking to hushed voices when he returned to his space on the floor. He eyes the pair wearily, wondering what evil they were plotting. Whatever it was, he was sure it was nothing he wanted to be involved in. He considered striking up a conversation with Elizaveta, but she was dong something on her phone and he didn't want to interrupt.

Alfred spent the next five minutes playing with Catada.

Finally, Ludwig returned, looking remarkably put together for someone who unexpectedly spend the night elsewhere.

“Time for presents!” Gilbert gleefully announced, scooting over on the couch so he was squished right up against Matthew. “Come sit with us, West!”

Alfred was pretty sure Elizaveta was holding up her phone to take pictures of Gilbert and Matthew under the pretense of searching for a better signal. (It was so obviously fake. They got great cell service in their building.)

It was looking to be an even weirder Christmas than the last one. At least Alfred could always escape to hang out with Kiku, whose traditions allowed him to spend time with friends.

He watched Gilbert laugh and sling an arm across Matthew's shoulders in response to a question from Ludwig.

Yeah. Alfred was definitely spending the rest of the day eating pizza and playing video games with Kiku.

 

Matthew Williams to Katherine Williams
Merry Christmas from me and Alfred! Sorry we couldn't make it home this year!
December 25, 2011 – 9:47 am · Comment · Like
Katherine Williams : It's alright, sweetheart. You boys have a good time! Maybe you can visit during spring break?
10:01 am · Like
Matthew Williams : I'll try to convince Al, but I'm absolutely driving up for a few days.
10:04 am · Like ( Gilbert Beilschmidt and Lars Peeters like this)

Francis B. posted 11 photos
Take a look at the beautiful Christmas feast I have lovingly prepared for everyone!
December 25, 2011 – 3:27 pm · Comment · Like
( Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Feliciano Vargas like this)

 Alfred F. Jones Time for fireworks!
December 25, 2011 – 6:34 pm via mobile web · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland : It's a little early to start celebrating the new year.
6:37 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones : good thing theyre xmas fireworks! Now come to the roof
6:39 pm via mobile web · Like

 

Text Message

 

To: Al
From: Matthew
Not every holiday needs to be celebrated with fireworks.
6:35 pm · Reply

 To: Mattie
From: Alfred
It's more fun this way. Now come to the roof. Bring everyone
6:37 pm · Reply

 

December 26, 2011

 

Lovino Vargas Someone's finally taken down all of the damn mistletoe. Now I can walk through the building without wondering if I'm about to be assaulted.
December 26, 2011 – 10:32 am · Comment · Like
( Matthew Williams, Yao Wang , and 2 others like this)
Im Yong Soo : Booooo!
11:06 am · Like

 Gilbert Beilschmidt Officially staying in the US until after New Years!
December 26, 2011 – 1:14 pm · Comment · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry : What?! When did we decide this? I thought our plan was to leave once the roads clear and we can dig out my car!
2:56 pm via mobile web · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry : I'm not really mad, but don't make decisions for all of us.
2:58 pm via mobile web · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry : Also, shouldn't this sort of thing be up to the drivers?
3:01 pm via mobile web · Like
Ludwig Beilschmidt : I wouldn't be opposed to staying a few extra days.
3:23 pm via mobile web · Like ( Gilbert Beilschmidt likes this)
Gilbert Beilschmidt : I have the best baby bro!
3:37 pm · Like

 Alfred F. Jones Snowing again?!
December 26, 2011 – 2:20 pm · Comment · Like
Ivan Braginski : Sounds like the perfect time for another snowball fight!
2:27 pm · Like ( Matthew Williams likes this)
Alfred F. Jones : Hell no
2:30 pm · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt : Hell yes! I call Birdie's team!
2:34 pm via mobile web · Like

 Nikolai Christensen posted 5 pictures
Soren spent the day building a snowfort. He's very proud.
December 26, 2011 – 3:40 pm · Comment · Like
( Isak Christensen, Matthew Williams , and 5 others like this)
Gilbert Beilschmidt : Birdie, look! We should do this!
4:12 pm via mobile web · Like
Matthew Williams : I don't think we have the space to do that. Maybe next year. Or if it snows again during spring break.
4:44 pm · Like

 

December 27, 2011

 

Alfred F. Jones Enjoying a day out with my best buds!
December 26, 2011 – 9:10 am via mobile web · Comment · Like
( Matthew Williams likes this)

 

Elizaveta wasn't sure how she ended up with her ear pressed to the door of Roderich's place, listening to the soothing sound of his piano playing. She didn't lnow much about classical music, but she could still tell he was good at it.

She would have been content to stand there for hours, except the buzzing of her phone in her pocket reminded her of the mission at hand. Namely, getting Ludwig and Feliciano to see that they were perfect for each other.

Elizaveta checked her phone and frowned when she saw five messages from Gilbert and three from Matthew. The two had been bizarrely interested in her company since Christmas Eve and it was starting to weird her out.

It'd been kind of nice at first. Flattering, if she had to be honest. She thought her complaints about being left out were finally being recognized.

Her phone buzzed again.

She reluctantly removed herself from Roderich's door and marched downstairs, phone clutched tightly in her hand. She needed to have a little talk with her friends.

 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Veta's totally on to us
11:23 am · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
Yeah, I kind of figured. Maybe we should ease up a bit? Or recruit other people to help us? We don't have to tell them what's going on.
11:24 am · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
I have a better idea. Lets hook Veta up with someone
11:25 am · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
That sounds like an awful idea
11:25 am · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
You misspelled “awesome” there Birdie
11:26 am · Reply

 To: Gilbert
From: Matthew
No, I didn't. Who would we even set her up with? You three will only be here for a few more days. And she already suspects we're up to something.
11:27 am · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Don't worry. I have a plan.
11:27 am · Reply

 

Elizaveta narrowed her eyes at them as they continued texting.

Honestly, boys were so dumb. Did they really think they were being clever? Anyone could see they were texting each other and paying no attention to her, despite the fact they'd both begged her to go out and get coffee at one of the local shops.

It was times like those when she wondered why she was friends with them. (It was because life would be much less interesting without them. And they weren't always so dumb. At least Matthew wasn't.)

Elizaveta sighed softly and pulled out her own phone.

 

To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Are things going any better on your side? Gil and Matt are unusually insistant that I spend time with them today.
11:31 am · Reply 

To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
Apologies, but I'm spending the day with Arthur and Alfred today. I haven't had time to enact any of the plan.
11:33 am · Reply

 To: Kiku
From; Elizaveta
It's just so frustrating!
11:34 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
Have you seen the facebook post Feliciano made? There may not be anything we need to do after all.
11:35 am · Reply

 To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
I haven't. I'll take a look now.
11:36 am · Reply

 To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Oh, how sweet! Maybe we should rework our plan. I don't think they'll need more than a few little helpful nudge or two. The real challenge will be making sure they continue talking to each other when we go home.
11:40 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
Yes, I agree. I have a book I could lay out on my coffee table to next time Ludwig comes over. If I leave the room, he may take a look at it while I'm away.
11:42 am · Reply

 To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Ludwig is quite fond of manuals and self-help books. Like they hold the answer to all of life's secrets. Feliciano though... a blunt approach might be better.
11:43 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
I'm not sure. I've noticed he typically goes running to ask the person if he's hearing the truth.
11:45 am · Reply

 To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Just leave it to me! Wanna meet up tonight and brainstorm a few more ideas?
11:46 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
Of course.
11:47 am · Reply

 

December 28, 2011

 

Matthew Williams Today I woke up to 23 missed calls and 10 texts from Al because SOMEONE locked him on the roof. AGAIN.
December 28, 2011 – 8:07 am · Comment · Like
( Ivan Braginski, Gilbert Beilschmidt , and 3 others like this)

 

Text Message

 

To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
Gil and I got locked on the roof while trying to get Al down. Could you come open the door for us?
8:21 am · Reply

 To: Matt
From: Elizaveta
Sorry, I'm busy right now
8:27 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Matthew
So you're just going to let us sit out here in the freezing cold?
8:28 am · Reply

 To: Matt
From: Elizaveta
Sorry, but I really can't get away right now. Is there anyone else you could ask?
8:30 am · Reply

 

Matthew stared dismally at his phone as Gilbert and Alfred argued about whose fault it was there were all locked on the roof. Who else could he call? Most of their friends were busy with chores or family stuff or work. This left him with very few choices.

He could call Francis, but the last thing he needed was to feel indebted to the man, so that was out. Ludwig was an obvious choice, but since Elizaveta was “busy” with something, it probably meant she'd kidnapped him for her own goals. The only ones left were Yong Soo, who would strike a deal to get him to come over and watch more K-drama's, or Antonio, who would probably just invite them all over for food. There was also the added possibility of Lovino abandoning family day to pop in and see Antonio.

“I hope you two like K-drama's,” Matthew muttered as he called up Yong Soo.

 

To: Kiku
From: Elizaveta
Matt and Gil have been successfully distracted. Unfortunately, Alfred got wrapped up in it too.
8:32 am · Reply

 To: Elizaveta
From: Kiku
I had already taken the possibility into consideration. It will not be a problem.
8:33 am · Reply

 

Im Yong Soo Having an all day K-drama marathon with Matthew , Gilbert , and Alfred! This is so great!
December 28, 2011 – 8:47 am · Comment · Like
Yao Wang: Don't forget to eat something so you don't come crawling to me begging for food again!
8:53 am · Like
Im Yong Soo: Snack table! [picture]
8:58 am · Like
Yao Wang: Give me a half hour and I'll have food for you that won't give you an immediate heart attack.
9:01 am · Like (Francis B likes this)
Im Yong Soo: Thanks, Yao! You're the best!
9:02 am · Like

 Feliciano Vargas posted 9 new photos
I taught Ludwig how to make pasta today!
December 28, 2011 – 9:37 am · Comment · Like
( Francis B., Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, and 18 others like this)
Gilbert Beilschmidt: Isn't it a little early for that?
9:39 am via mobile web · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry: Says the guy who thinks pancakes are “anytime” food
9:48 am via mobile web · Like

 

December 29, 2011

 

Arthur Kirkland For some reason, I'm STILL finding mistletoe around the building. You wouldn't happen to know the reason for this, would you, Francis ?
December 29, 2011 – 10:13 am · Comment · Like
Francis B.: I'm hurt that you believe I would do such a thing.
10:32 am · Like
Yao Wang : Francis is the landlord. He should do something about it. Yong Soo keeps ambushing me in the halls when I try to leave for groceries.
11:49 am · Like
Francis B.: I'll take care of it once I return.
1:26 pm · Like ( Arthur Kirkland , Yao Wang , and 4 others like this)

 

Gilbert walked past Ludwig on his way out to meet up with Antonio and Francis. He paused as he opened the door and then turned back to frown at the book his brother was reading.

“Is there something you need?” Ludwig asked without looking up.

“That's not one of your books,” Gilbert accused. He knew all of the books his brother had brought along on their trip and that was definitely not one of them.

Ludwig colored slightly, lowering the reading material to obscure the front even more than before. “It's one of Kiku's. He thought I might be interested in it.”

Gilbert stood there for a few minutes longer as a few gears tumbled over in his bran. “Whatever. Have fun reading.”

“Don't get too drunk.”

Gilbert lifted one hand in a wave as he walked away, shutting the door behind him. As he hurried downstairs, not wanting to keep the guys waiting, he retrieved his phone fro his pocket and shot a hasty text to Matthew.

 

To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
SOS kiku helping veta
11:02 am · Reply

 To: Gil
From: Matthew
Are you sure?
11:06 am · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Gave West a strange book. Didn't get a good look at what it was
11:11 am · Reply

 To: Gil
From: Matthew
Okay. I'll try and get a better look at it. Have fun with Francis and Antonio
11:24 am · Reply

 To: Birdie
From: Gilbert
Awesome
11:25 am · Reply

 

The sudden reappearance of the mistletoe was baffling to everyone in the building, including Francis. Really, he was almost willing to call whoever put it back up a genius, except it was bringing him far more trouble than enjoyment. The fact that he was the one getting blamed for it wasn't helping matters.

So, after a quick stop asking Yong Soo to leave Yao and various other people alone, he set out to collect all of the offending plants and stuff them into a bag so he could dispose of them. It wasn't going well, as someone was putting them back as quickly as he could take them down.

To make matters worse, Scotty was amused just enough by the turn of events that he was speaking to him again. Or rather, following him around and making cheeky remarks.

“Someone's obviously determined ta keep 'em up. Maybe you should jus' let 'em,” Scotty drawled.

“Unfortunately, Arthur is not the only one who complained about this, otherwise I would,” Francis said with a dismal sigh. “As I am the landlord, it's up to me to fix this and find out who's behind it. I could use a little help.”

“You could,” Scotty cheerily acknowleged. He smirked as he watched Francis yank down another bundle of mistletoe. A bit of dried plant material broke off and settled in his hair, but only Scotty noticed.

Francis hurried along down the hall to the stairs, keeping his eyes peeled for any more plants and doing his best to ignore how Scotty was still following him around. If the man would say someting, it wouldn't be nearly so aggravating.

Roman Vargas walked past them, whistling a tune as he headed back upstairs with his mail.

Three plants later, Francis was sure he'd finally collected them all and could enjoy the rest of his day in peace. However, when he and Scotty reached the bottom of the stairs, it was to find all new plants lining the hall of the first floor.

“Mon dieu,” Francis muttered, closing his eyes and fighting to keep his composure.

Scotty chuckled.

Francis opened his eyes and whirled around, fully prepared to begin a shouting match right then and there, when he spotted yet another bundle handing directly above Scotty's head. Francis couldn't say exactly what overcame him in that moment. It could have been the alcohol still coursing through his veins. Maybe it was the building frustration finally breaking free. Either way, he suddenly found himself grasping the front of Scotty's shirt to yank him over for a harsh kiss.

Scotty pulled away to mutter something incomprehensible and wrap his arms around Francis's waist, pulling him closer. Francis relaxed his own grip the moment Scotty's lips were on his own again.

 

Ioan Kirkland Interesting, the sort of things you see when trying to leave your home for any reason whatsoever.
December 29, 2011 – 7:19 pm · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones: If this is about the snowman on the 1st floor i can explain
7:23 pm · Like
Ioan Kirkland: What snowman?
7:28 pm · Like
Alfred F. Jones: Uh nothing. Nevermind. I lied. There's no snowman
7:29 pm · Like

 

To: Scott
From: Ioan
Scotty n Francis sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G
7:34 pm · Reply

 To: Ioan
From: Scott
How is it you're the oldest?
7:43 pm · Reply

 To: Ioan
From: Scott
How do you even know about that? Are you spying on me again? Please tell me you haven't told Faolan and Arthur.
7:44 pm · Reply

 To: Scotty
From: Faolán
Congrats on finally kissing Francis!
7:49 pm · Reply

 To: Ioan and Faolán
From: Scott
STOP TELLING EVERYONE
7:53 pm · Reply

 To: Scotty
From: Katyusha
Faolan just told me the happy news!
7:54 pm · Reply

 To: Scotty
From: Arthur
What's this about you kissing the frog?
7:56 pm · Reply

 To: Ioan and Faolán
From: Scott
I hate you both so much.
7:57 pm · Reply

 

December 30, 2011

 

To: Scotty
From: Alfred
Uh dude? Y is drunk Artie in my bed complaining about u betraying him?
12:47 am · Reply

 To: Scotty
From: Alfred
pls come get him
1:15 am · Reply

 To: Ioan
From: Alfred
Artie's drunk n won't leave my bed. Pls com get him so i can sleep
1:23 am · Reply

 To: Faolán
From: Alfred
ok srsly? Ur bros suck. Arties up here drunk rambling and no one will answer me and i just want to sleep. Pls come get him.
1:49 am · Reply

 To: Francis
From: Alfred
ok so normally i wouldn't ask but could you come get artie? He's crying in my bed and his bros won't answer me
2:09 am · Reply

 To: Alfred
From: Francis
I'll be up in a moment, though I doubt he'll be pleased to see me.
2:11 am · Reply

 To: Francis
From: Alfred
Actually nevermind. He finally fell asleep. Thanks for answering me
2:12 am · Reply

 To: Alfred
From: Francis
Okay. Sleep well.
2:16 am · Reply

 

“Feeling better?”

Arthur groaned and slowly began to push away the strangely heavy blankets on top of him. “Matthew? Why are you in my room?”

“Actually, you're in Al's room. Hang on, let me get Americat off of you.”

A weight lifted off of Arthur's chest and he was finally able to pull off the blankets covering his face. He groaned at the light assaulting his eyes, but stubbornly forced himself to adjust to it, even if it meant rapidly blinking his watery eyes until Matthew returned to his field of vision.

“Ugh. What happened?” Arthur groaned.

“You got drunk. Really drunk,” Matthew said bluntly. “And then you broke in here and cried into Al's pillows for three hours. I tried to get you to calm down, but nothing worked. When Al got back you finally started talking... something about Scotty?” He added hesitantly.

Arthur grimaced as his memories of the day before flooded back to the surface of his mind. He wondered if it was too early to start drinking again.

“You know, I'm kind of relieved about Scotty and Francis. Things are more pleasant when they're on speaking terms and they both look so happy. More importantly, Francis didn't inappropriately complement me when I saw him earlier,” Matthew said, sounding pleased. “He's actually kind of nice to be around when he's like this.”

Arthur scowled.

“Are you...” Matthew paused for a moment, wondering how to proceed. “Arthur, are you jealous?”

That got a reaction. “Don't be ridiculous! It's just bizarre is all! When did this happen? How did this happen? I live with Scotty and there was never any indication that he felt that wa about the bloody Frog. At least Faolán and Ioan are obvious about their interests. Scotty's just- he deserves better than someone who flirts with every person he meets!” Arthur finally stopped talking, breathing heavily.

“Love is strange,” Matthew quietly said. “But it seems to me, Scotty's been friends with Francis for a long time. He knows what he's getting into.”

“That doesn't make a difference,” Arthur said stubbornly. “You and Gilbert have been friends a long time, but I don't see the two of you making out in public!”

Matthew's cheeks took on a pink hue. “I don't-”

“I should go,” Arthur interrupted, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and unsteadily getting to his feet. “Tell Alfred I'll see him later.”

“O...kay...” Matthew responded, looking just as confused as he sounded.

Arthur didn't hang around any longer.

 

Scotty Kirkland is in a relationship with Francis B.
December 30, 2011 – 9:12 am · Comment · Like
( Ioan Kirkland and Faolán Kirkland like this)

 

Francis B. is in a relationship with Scotty Kirkland
December 30, 2011 – 9:19 am · Comment · Like
( Matthew Williams , Roman Vargas , and 4 others like this)

 

To: Artie
From: Alfred
Hey man r u ok?
10:27 am · Reply

 To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I'm fine.
10:48 am · Reply

 To: Artie
From: Alfred
Ok
10:50 am · Reply

To: Artie
From: Alfred
its just that matt said u seemed weird this morning. U really that upset about scotty and francis?
10:51 am · Reply

 To: Alfred
From: Arthur
I said I'm fine.
11:23 am · Reply

 

Ioan waltzed into Arthur's room without knocking, pointedly shutting the door behind him with a noticeable click . His little brother didn't even look up from his book, refusing to acknowlege his presense.

“So I hear from a little birdie that you're not talkin' to anyone,” Ioan said. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the door, making it clear he wasn't planning on going anywhere for quite some time. “There's only so long you can ignore me, little brother. I've got all the time in the world to stand right here and wait.”

Arthur silently turned to the next page.

“Suit yourself,” Ioan said with a shrug. “I'm going to keep talking, if you don't mind. No? Perfect. You're being a real idjit 'bout this, you know. Those two have been tip-toeing around each other since you lot got back from Canada. Maybe even before then. And we all know for a fact that Scotty's had a crush on the man for goin' on three years now. It's a relief to see somethin' finally come of it.”

“That's just it.”

“What's that?”

Arthur finally lowered his book, looking defeated. “Everyone keeps saying what a wonderful thing this is, but we all know how much Scotty likes that-” He paused and took a deep breath. “ Francis. And Francis is, well... you know how he is. What happens when he gets bored and discards Scotty like he's nothing? Scotty will be devastated and here you all are acting like this is the greatest thing to have ever happened!”

“Oh laddie...” Ioan murmured, shaking his head. “You've gotten yourself all twisted up over nothing. See, I have it on good authority that Francis likes Scotty quite a bit. He wouldn't just dump him for no good reason.”

“And whose authority is that?” Arthur demanded.

“The only one that matters. My own.”

---

 

Roman happily closed out of his web browser, pleased with the recent developments in the apartment building. His mistletoe plan had worked perfectly! Granted, he'd been hoping to knock some sense into his stubborn grandson and the mostly clueless Spanish boy down the hall, but Scotty and Francis were just as good.

He watched as Feliciano skipped by on his way to the door, running late for his grocery run with Ludwig, who insisted the brunet learn to cook more than just pasta. Naturally, this required the two to go shopping together.

“Have fun, Feli~” Roman cooed after him.

Feliciano laughed. “I will! See you later, grandpa~”

Roman settled back in his chair. At least there was one grandson he wouldn't have to worry about. Feliciano would figure out his feelings sooner or later and then there'd be no stopping him.

 

December 31, 2011

 

Alfred F. Jones Me and Mattie are off on a secret mission!
December 31, 2011 – 7:54 am · Comment · Like
Arthur Kirkland : At this time of the morning? What on earth could be so important?
8:01 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones : Secret stuff
8:29 am via mobile web · Like
Alfred F. Jones : ;)
8:30 am via mobile web · Like

 Matthew Williams to Gilbert Beilschmidt
Save me.
December 31, 2011 – 11:18 am via mobile web · Comment · Like
Gilbert Beilschmidt : kind of hard to do when I have no car and don't know my way around. Sorry, birdie.
11:29 am · Like

 Heracle Karpusi posted 82 new photos – tagged Kiku Honda
December 31, 2011 – 3:08 pm · Comment · Like
Elizaveta Héderváry : Wow, that's a lot of cats!
3:13 pm · Like

 Alfred F. Jones We've returned triumphantly from our secret mission! Everyone to the roof for fireworks! Spread the word! ( Kiku Honda , Elizaveta Héderváry , Arthur Kirkland , Gilbert Beilschmidt)
December 31, 2011 – 6:43 pm · Comment · Like
( Francis B. , Xianliang “Leon” Wang , and 23 others like this)

 

January 1, 2012

 

Matthew Williams Can someone please come and let me and Gilbert off of the roof?
January 1, 2012 – 4:13 am · Comment · Like
Alfred F. Jones : Don't worry, bro! The hero is on his way!
5:00 am · Like
Alfred F. Jones : why r you 2 still on the roof?
5:01 am · Like
Matthew Williams : We fell asleep.
5:04 am · Like

 

January 3, 2012

 

Gilbert Beilschmidt We're finally back at home after an awesome Christmas and New Years down in the USA!
January 3, 2012 – 9:10 pm · Comment · Like
( Matthew Williams , Feliciano Vargas , and 22 others like this)

 Kiku Honda Things are so quiet now...
January 3, 2012 – 9:57 pm · Comment · Like
Im Yong Soo : I could come over and make some noise! It'll be fun!
9:58 pm · Like
Kiku Honda : No. Thank you.
9:59 pm · Like