Chapter Text
Time… It was a weird concept. Sometimes, a class that is normally 40-50 minutes long could feel like hours; whereas a week-long vacation could feel like seconds. Some things seems like there is no end and some things feels like it happens all too quickly. There were moments in my life that felt like that.
For example, the accident that made me lose my parents happened in seconds while it felt like hours. It felt like the time slowed down when our car took that sharp turn. As if; my father losing control over the steering wheel, trying to turn the car to the right in order to avoid the truck hitting us and the said truck’s collision with our car took hours, meanwhile it was only seconds. All of those moments were in my memory, I didn’t forget a single thing.
I remember seeing my father flying off from the front window because he was not wearing the seatbelt. I remember the sound my mother’s neck made because she was stuck between the airbag and the seat. I remember getting out of the car with my brother. I remember seeing the oil dripping from the car as we were trying to rescue mom. And I remember the car being exploded as I dragged my brother out of there.
I remember the tragic death of our parents. I’ve never forgotten any of it. And I didn’t forget about the promise I made that day.
My brother, Sanghyuk, was the only thing that remained in my life, from my family. I promised to protect him for the rest of my life. There will never be any harm done to him, he was never going to be sad, never going to get hurt…
He always blamed himself after the accident. He was thinking if we didn’t run away and try to rescue them, we could save them, even if I told him that it was not possible countless times. He was just a child. I was too, but you know, sometimes some people grow up in a day. That happened to me.
I grew up the day I buried my parents’ bodies that we removed from that wrecked car into the family cemetery. But Sanghyuk stayed a child. Even though his body grew, his mind still stayed the same. And he was always going to be the same.
Up until that day…
He was in his senior year in high school. It was like as if he grew up so quickly. It was as if he had become more mature and sane. He had formed a band with his friends last year and they became so popular immediately. He even had a girlfriend, Seojin. He looked genuinely happy after all those years. Being on stage made him feel so good, it made me feel so happy too.
Until that damned day. They were planning a show for the schools whatever-th anniversary. I was invited as an old student and Sanghyuk’s caretaker. He was going to perform with his band. I think I was more nervous and excited than him. Seojin and I were at the backstage with him.
I should’ve known from the way he was having headaches lately. He was so good at acting as he was so talented with everything else. My stubborn brother had much more pain that he showed me. I understood this as he collapsed down at the stage and we took him to the hospital.
I ran around in the hospital, did so many tests, lots of doctors came in and checked. The doctors came to me with the worst outcome, as I was thinking that my brother was strong and going to be healthy. He had cancer…
And this time, that damned time went so quickly. When did we start the treatment? When did we started chemo? When did he lose all of his hair? I wasn’t aware of anything. There was only one thing in my mind: My brother was going to be okay.
It was like as if the fate was playing with me. I already had lots of loss, if I lose my brother too, what was going to happen? What was the point of living? Who and what I was going to live for? I had already stopped living for myself. There was only Sanghyuk for me. And if he left me too…
No. He was going to be fine. He was not going anywhere. We were going to get old together. He was going to grow up a little more. He was going to start university, have a job, get married and even become a father. And I was going to be his sister who always got his back no matter what he does.
But, life was what happens to you as you make plans. It didn’t matter how much plans I made, you cannot stop fate.
It was a winter night when Sanghyuk closed his eyes for the last time… I was sitting on his bed, he was resting against in my lap in that cold hospital room. I wrapped my arms around his frail and slowly getting cold body. I was singing the lullaby my mother was singing him when he was a baby. He leaned his head on my shoulder while barely smiling, and then he closed his eyes peacefully.
I hugged my brother last time. I firmly wrapped my arms around him as much as I could not for months in order to not hurt him. I stick my face to his, rubbed my nose against his cold face and smelled him for the last time. I couldn’t hear or feel his breath and heart anymore… My brother was gone.
I sat there, not knowing what to do. I stayed in the same position until a nurse came in the morning to check him, watched the sky. She knew as soon as she saw us, smiled bitterly and went out of the room to call a doctor.
The funeral arrangements, the funeral and the burial of his body; the time went on quickly again. I was at home. It felt so empty. I was all alone. As if the world had no meaning anymore. No meaning at all…
I dragged my feet to his room. Everything was at the place he left as; his pajamas were on the floor, his bed was not made, his books and notebooks were on his table, he didn’t put his guitar in its bag…
I sat on his bed and took his pillow in my hands. His scent was still lingering on… I hugged it tightly and inhaled the scent. I smelled my brother. The tears started to form in my eyes as I smell the pillow. I couldn’t help myself but started to tremble and finally, to cry. He did not exist anymore. Sanghyuk did not exist anymore…
And I didn’t know what to do with this fact. I lost the ability to comprehend. I could not understand. I could not do it even though I tried my best to. What was God’s problem with me? What kind of sins I committed in my previous life? Why did I lose everyone? Why was I kept being tested with these losses?
I was losing my strength. I laid down slowly on Sanghyuk’s bed, I was still hugging his pillow. I wasn’t crying anymore, the tears were just falling down…
I woke up as the sun was rising. Life was weird. The sun was rising every day and it was setting when the time comes. The life was still going on. But I didn’t have the strength to go on. After all these loss, every breath I took was only going to hurt me. I was going to see them everywhere but I was never going to be able to touch and feel them. Their voices were going to ring in my ears but I was never going to be able to walk with them.
Then, what was the point of living? What good breathing will bring to me? I was wasting oxygen. I lost everyone already. No one was going to miss me if I was gone.
I got up from Sanghyuk’s bed and walked into my room. I wore my best dress, brushed my hair and did my make-up. I wanted to look beautiful on my last day on world.
I walked to the street slowly after I left the house and stopped a taxi. The money did not matter anymore anyway. I told the driver to drive to Han River. As it was a very early morning, there was no traffic, we arrived there rather quickly. I walked to the bridge as soon as I got out of the car. I looked around, there was not a single soul. I quickly went over the other side of the bars.
I took a deep breath one last time, closed my eyes and let go of the bars…
***
The brightness almost blinded me as I opened my eyes. I closed them immediately and rubbed them as I sat up. When I opened my eyes again, they adjusted to the brightness. I looked around.
I was on a meadow, filled with tall trees and greenness. The sky was bright blue and there was no cloud. The breeze felt music to my ears. Where was I? Where did I come?
The last I remember, I jumped to Han River. I was supposed to be dead. Was I dead?
When I felt the rustles of the grass, I came back to my senses and heard the sounds of the footsteps. Someone was coming. I tried to stay calm as I stood up and turn back. He was a tall man.
"Are you Han Nayeon?" The tall man asked. His sun-kissed skin was so beautiful that I stared at him for a while. Not receiving an answer from me, he repeated his question.
"Y-yes... I am."
"We were waiting for you."
“You?” I asked, I was still in shock. He was waiting for me?
His porcelain teeth appeared when he smiled. “I’m Cha Hakyeon.” I bowed my head a little to greet him. He extended his hand towards me: “Come with me.”
I also extended my hand to hold his hand without saying anything. His skin was so soft. When he started to walk, I tried my best to keep up with his long legs. We walked into a pathway full of trees. I think there were all kinds of trees in this place. While some of theirs yellow leaves were falling to the ground, some of them were still full green. There were even naked ones, only branches…
A rather big chateau greeted us at the end of the road. Its gray walls were extending towards two other ways. I counted seven towers around it.
“Welcome home, Nayeon.” Hakyeon said, smiling.
“Where is this place?” I asked curiously.
“You will get all your answers in time. Don’t think about those things now. Shall we go inside?”
He let go of my hand and opened the door of the chateau. We entered a massive hallway that’s walls filled with portraits and landscape paintings. Even though it was bright inside thanks to the big windows, the place was full with candlesticks and the candles were all lit. As I took a deep breath, I smelled the rose scent that was coming from the incense. I guess this was what peace is.
As we passed down the hallway, he pushed another big door and there stood in magnificence, seven big thrones. All were different in color and design.
“You came?” a deep voice asked. As I looked towards the source of the voice, I saw four men sitting on the chairs that were scattered around.
“Nayeon,” Hakyeon called my name, looking at me. “Let me introduce you to everyone.”
We walked towards them. “This is Kim Wonshik,” he pointed at the man with the deep voice. He was pouting his little lips and furrowing his brows as he bowed a little to greet me. “Lee Jaehwan,” he pointed to blond man next to him. A smile curved around his plump lips as he hold my hand and planted a kiss. I couldn’t help but smile. “Lee Hongbin.” He was a brunette man with dimples. “And this is Jung Taekwoon.”
He was a scary looking man with his strong facial features and sharp-eyes. He sparked a curiosity in me. And then this curiosity shifted towards something else. There were seven thrones but we were only six people here. Where was the last person?
“Where is our youngest?” Hakyeon asked.
“He should be he-” Hongbin couldn’t finish his sentence as someone ran into the room.
“Noona!”
I turned around with the voice I heard. I could not believe it.
“Sanghyuk!”