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“Inuyasha and I fight all the time.”
Although the very presence of Inuyasha had soothed a great many childhood anxieties when Rin first settled in the village, she could not, at present, recall any charitable feelings towards him. Kagome’s prosaic characterization of her marriage seemed fair. Of course Kagome and Inuyasha argued relentlessly. To be the wife of Inuyasha was surely an exercise in the limits of human patience.
“Couples fight,” Kagome continued. This supposedly immutable fact did not appear to cause her any distress. “You can’t agree on everything.”
But they did. Rin and Sesshomaru were almost always of one mind. Searching her memory for moments of dissonance between them produced very little, and all of it long ago. When she spoke, he understood every underlying intention and half-forgotten detail. Sesshomaru had proven time and time again that he was reliable, faithful, and of sound judgment. An opinion of his was hardly distinguishable from objective fact. To have found herself arguing with him was disorienting. Anger towards Sesshomaru made the ground beneath her feet less steady, the well-trod roads of the village unfamiliar. Resolute in her own purpose, Rin was at once herself – confident, resilient – and a stranger. The place in the world she occupied had been wrested from her. She sat at Kagome’s hearth plagued by confusion and uncertainty.
Worse still was the insidious voice that whispered she should have seen this coming. Sesshomaru had lived a life of off-handed cruelty. How many people had warned her not to trust a yokai? Rin had dismissed them all, firm in the belief that she knew him better. She pushed aside every clue that he was not as perfect as she wanted to believe.
Her fingers tightened around the cup of tea she held. “But we’re married.”
Kagome shook her head. “He’s the same person after you marry him that he was before. Big brother isn’t the type to kowtow to anyone – including his wife.”
Rin inhaled. She didn’t expect obedience! He was her husband, not a pet.
“This is what people mean when they talk about commitment,” Kagome said. “Sometimes, he’s going to make you mad. You won’t always agree. But you wake up every morning and choose him.”
The fire in Rin’s belly flickered a little. Never in all her pique had she considered rescinding her promises to him. Her devotion was steadfast.
Subdued, Rin studied the dark surface of her tea. “I just don’t understand.”
Sesshomaru was not in the habit of explaining himself.
“I’m different,” Rin mumbled. Everyone knew it. He loved no one until her.
Sesshomaru made pronouncements and expected everyone to fall in line or be discarded.
“So why aren’t I different?”
Once again, Rin had been abandoned in the village, an unwanted burden relinquished so that Sesshomaru had the freedom to pursue whatever dangerous quest he wished. He was too powerful a yokai to still desire validation. No weapon could be the equal to what his own body had produced. There was nothing to be gained. So why would Sesshomaru rush headlong into danger so great no human could endure it? Jaken and A-Un were allowed to accompany him. It was only his wife who was exiled. Where was the privilege of this new status? Rin had been surrendered to the stewardship of Inuyasha like an object passed from brother to brother.
Sesshomaru had even gone so far as to elicit a promise from Kohaku that he would deny Rin any attempt to borrow Kirara.
Her role was to remain behind.
How quickly Sesshomaru had grown bored with domesticity! He wanted to experience love as humans did, and now that he had mastered that, Sesshomaru was off on the next grand quest. His own greatness was undeniable. He had exceeded the prowess of every yokai to come before him.
And yet, he was always seeking. Never satisfied.
The truth was undeniable.
Rin’s shoulders slumped. “I’m not enough to make him happy.”
Kagome winced. “Rin-chan…”
A cautious man would have feared lingering resentment. Sesshomaru, bolstered by past experiences, likely expected Rin to await his return with unabashed eagerness. Their marriage had necessitated a shift in their habits. Rin began to accompany him on his travels, a wife cleaving to her husband as one should. The wilds were her parlor. Rin became the lady of cliffs and forests. She entertained elaborate fantasies of returning home as an expectant mother. But before, when all they called one another was friend, she had always welcomed him to the village.
Deposited on Inuyasha’s doorstep like a barrel of rice, Rin was left to stew unheard while Sesshomaru pursued unspoken goals in mysterious locales. The first week and a half passed slowly, the tepid pace of village life smothering Rin beneath a blanket of boredom. How constricting it all was!
Later, Rin supposed he should have been distracted from his cause, but Sesshomaru displayed a tenacity of purpose he usually did not.
Ten days shy of a month’s absence, Sesshomaru returned.
Rin greeted him with an exhausted sigh. “Why didn’t you come sooner?”
Tents littered the streets.
Kagome and Inuyasha’s house had been unique, built from the same simple construction as the typical huts, but with embellishments she desired from her native land. It was a grand dwelling befitting a great hero and powerful priestess, with multiple rooms and a long porch in the front.
Now the facade was gone, privacy supplied by old kimono repurposed into a tarp.
Standing where the porch had once been, Sesshomaru took in the ruins.
“An earthquake,” Rin supplied. “Five days ago.” She blew out her bangs. Earthquakes were a common problem. The villagers lived simply in part to mitigate damage. Possessions were few. Houses were easily shaken down, but also easily rebuilt.
The world fell down around her, and still Sesshomaru had not returned.
Gaze fixed on her arm bound in a sling, Sesshomaru’s lip curled.
“A beam hit me when the house came down.” Rin knew the calculations happening behind those eyes. “And it’s not Inuyasha’s fault!” His reflexes were quick, but even Inuyasha could not be in multiple places at once. Understandably, his instinct had been to fling himself over Kagome.
Inuyasha was with his wife in her hour of need.
Sesshomaru wanted an excuse to direct his anger outwards.
Rin squared her jaw. “It’s yours.”
It was a heavy accusation to hang in the air.
“You left me here,” Rin added, bravado dissipating. “Even though I didn’t want to stay. You made sure my friends wouldn’t help me leave.”
She noticed the birds first. They fled the trees in a rush that shook the branches. The ground tumbled out from under her feet as Rin fell backwards into Sesshomaru’s waiting arm after his other swept her knees out from beneath her. She hissed. Pain lanced through her dislocated shoulder as she jostled against him.
Sesshomaru leapt into the air. The energy that escaped him roiled with anger and the impotent wish for violence. Tucked against his chest, Rin watched his expression. His lips were pulled into a deep frown. Sesshomaru’s jaw was as tense as a taut bowstring.
It was a short flight. Sesshomaru dropped them into the forest.
His kingdom.
His place of safety.
Beads of sweat prickled against her forehead as Rin breathed through the pain. Sesshomaru laid her down at the base of a tree, fur spilling off of his shoulder to curl around her like a luxurious bed. The belated realization that she needed to be handled more gently than he previously had brought little comfort. Still, her reflex to pet him was intact, and Rin’s good hand carded through the fur.
Sesshomaru crouched beside her. “Do you need water?”
Bemused, Rin shook her head. “The earthquake didn’t do much damage to the well. We’ve had water.”
Impulse had brought them here, and Sesshomaru looked like he might be regretting it. They had escaped without Jaken clinging to his fur. There was no one to bark orders at, punish for imagined failings, or absolve Sesshomaru of the need to speak for himself. He probably missed one utility more than the others.
Rin found herself without the energy for the anger she’d spent weeks nurturing. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
“It is no matter.”
She bristled. “It matters to me! You left me for it!” Her hand froze. “Don’t you see how insulting it is that it was worth leaving me behind over, but now you say it doesn’t even matter?”
Kagome said she and Inuyasha fought all the time. They must, if he was even half as stubborn as his brother. “It was for your own good.”
Rin shook her head. “When you left before, I always hated it, but knowing you’d come back was enough. Things are different now. I’m your wife. I’m not some girl you’re fond of, to visit now and then. Our lives are one.”
Sesshomaru was unmoved. “I will not compromise your safety.”
Incredulous, she laughed. “Leaving me behind doesn’t protect me! Every bad thing that’s ever happened to me happened because you weren’t there!”
Vehemently, he growled, “That is not true.”
“Name one time!”
“Your death.”
The stoles of fur multiplied, anxiously crowding her. Rin sank into it.
“You were snatched from my side and dragged to the underworld.”
Sesshomaru’s fur was decadently fluffy, with a distinct scent of roaming dog. Rin pulled a handful to her nose and inhaled, letting the familiarity ground her. “The world is dangerous everywhere,” she said finally. “I know you left me behind to protect me, but I still got hurt. It’s easier to face things with you than without you.”
A pregnant pause followed.
“Not for me.”
Rin startled.
“You are fragile,” Sesshomaru continued. “I am powerless against your mortality. The proof of your frailty haunts me. Every moment I spend with you, I am reminded that I must endure losing you.”
She shook, sudden wetness blurring her vision. “Sesshomaru-sama…”
“Were it only myself, I would gladly follow you. But I have already decided you are to live on through our children, and I will have to remain for their sake.”
Eternity was a staggering responsibility. The future was uncertain for all couples, but most could not know who would survive the other. Sesshomaru and Rin’s fate was already decided.
“I can extinguish every external threat,” he said, “hunt every yokai who would see you dead until none remain, and at the end, you shall still be mortal.”
Life was unpredictable. She would never be safe, no matter what he did. Sesshomaru’s best efforts could not defeat the mundane threats of earthquakes or illnesses.
With luck, Rin would die an old woman in her bed, surrounded by grown children ready to say good-bye with grace and acceptance. But it was a distinct possibility she might leave him suddenly, small children clinging to his fur and crying for their mother. Childbirth itself was dangerous. He could be left with nothing once Rin entered the birthing hut.
Sesshomaru was not wrong to be afraid.
“I know I’m a human, Sesshomaru-sama.”
His lips twitched, the first hint of good humor she had seen since his return.
“And I know I just said our lives are one – because they are – but they also aren’t. The risks I take are risks I take. I don’t want to stop taking them for some idea of safety, because that’s not real. I want happiness more than anything else, and my happiness comes from you.”
That was commitment, wasn’t it? Frustration did not negate how necessary Sesshomaru was. To wake up, and choose him.
Rin licked her lips. “So does yours come from being with me, or running away from me?”
Sesshomaru reached for her with his hands, cradling her face in his palms. “I would have an eternity with you if I could.”
Her skin was pleasantly warmed. “Then don’t waste the time we have running after phantoms.”
“I will not allow threats to stand.”
With her good hand, Rin covered his. “Then take me with you.”
“The risks you take are also mine. Do not pretend I am unaffected.”
Rin pursed her lips.
Kagome was right.
Couples fight.
It was impossible to agree on everything.
“Okay.” Rin twisted in his grip to kiss the pad of his thumb. But it was possible to work towards an accord. “Sesshomaru-sama, I hear you. I understand your position. But we’re married now and that’s not where it ends anymore. You need to hear me, too. I chose you, not you walking away from me.”
What was the compromise between his position and hers? Rin didn’t know. Short as a mortal lifespan was, they had time enough to find it.