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Of course, Hachiman thinks, he had to run into someone. It was too much to expect that he could take a simple shopping trip on his own, without running into somebody he knows. This, apparently, is his life now.
Which is to say, when Iroha shouts, "Sempai!" and rushes over to him, he only cringes a little. Hardly at all, really.
"Iroha," he says, hurriedly shoving the too-cute stationery set he'd been looking at behind his back. (Well. Too cute for him, maybe, but not nearly cute enough for Saika, who deserves something better.) "What a surprise running into you."
"Not really," she says, ignoring the sarcasm in his tone. "We both shop here all the time."
"Of course," he says. "What was I thinking?"
He expects Iroha to call him on his attitude, but instead she sighs, loud and deliberate. "You'd think I'd know where to find everything by now."
He ignores her. Not because he doesn't care, but because it's always interesting to watch her when she gets like this, her fake-cute personality warring with her real one.
She sighs again. "If only there were someone who could help me do all my shopping."
Well, there it is, then.
"We can shop together, if you like," he offers.
Iroha immediately stiffens, and bows. "That's very flattering, but I'm really not looking for a boyfriend right now," she says, and races off alone.
Hachiman rolls his eyes, mostly at himself. Honestly, he should have seen it coming.
-
Another thing he should have seen coming: running into her again at the next store. Not because it's particularly likely, but because he knows his own luck, and it was really too much to ask for some time to recover from the embarrassment of rejection (even if he hadn't actually been confessing anything) before seeing Iroha again.
"Again?" she asks, when she turns around in the aisle and nearly bumps into him.
"Twice in one day," he says. What are the odds?"
She scrunches up her face, then, and this time he does see it coming.
"I'm sorry," she says. "But please stop stalking me. I understand your feelings must be very strong, but I just don't return them."
"Come on," he mutters as she turns back around. Rejected again by a girl he wasn't even trying to ask out; sometimes, his life is such a disaster.
Iroha turns back to him, then, and for a moment he's worried she heard him. And then she says, as if granting him a huge favour, "Fine, I guess you can join me if you're so desperate."
"I'm not -" he says, and then stops. He's not desperate, but he actually could use some help picking out a gift for Saika. And Iroha's practically perfected seeming as cute as possible, so she might just be the perfect person to help him choose something cute enough.
"Okay," he agrees. "I guess I could use some help."
"I knew you needed me!" she says, triumphant. "So what are we looking for?"
His face flushes a little, then, but he tamps it down. "I need a gift for Saika," he admits. "He did me a favour the other day, and I want to repay him."
Besides, a traitorous inner voice adds, he deserves something nice just for being so cute.
"I see," Iroha says, looking at him speculatively, as if she could hear his inner monologue as well.
"Just something small," he stammers. "It's not a big deal."
"Nonsense," she says, and sighs. "Obviously you need more help than I thought. Come on, we'd better get started."
... And Hachiman is already regretting this. Even more so when she insists on using him like some kind of dress-up doll, loading him up with gifts and accessories as she tilts her head to the side and frowns in a way that's starting to give him a complex.
"What about this hat?" she says, dropping it on his head without so much as asking. A second later she makes a face like she just tasted something sour and knocks it off onto the floor. He stoops to pick it up, rolling his eyes.
"You can't just leave things on the floor," he says.
"I can if they're that ugly," she replies. Yep, he's definitely going to have self-esteem issues after this.
"Anything would look cute on Saika," he says. Honestly, he can't believe it's taking them this long; surely it can't be that hard to find something that would suit him?
"Oh, I already picked out his gift two shops ago," Iroha says, waving her hand dismissively. "Now we're trying to find something for you."
"You -" he stammers, and narrows his eyes at her. "I didn't ask to shop for me."
She looks him up and down appraisingly, raising an eyebrow. "Obviously," she says. "That's why I'm here to help."
"That's not why," he protests, but even he knows it isn't going to do any good. When Iroha gets this look in her eyes, there's no deterring her.
"Just trust me," she says, and he's never felt more afraid in his life. Which, he tells himself, is why he lets her lead him by the hand to the clothing store and shove a bunch of outfits into his arms.
"Here," she says. "Try these."
"All of them?" he asks, dismayed. All he wanted to do today was buy a present for Saika and go home to do nothing.
And there's that look again, Iroha's eyes raking up and down his current outfit. "All of them," she say decisively.
It seems easier, at first, to just do whatever she says. At least, until he tries on the first outfit.
"Um, are you sure about this?" he calls from the changing booth. It's just so ... not him.
"How can I know until I've seen it?" she asks. "Come out of there and show me."
He really doesn't want to do that. But there's something in her voice that warns him not to disagree, so he reluctantly unlatches the door and steps outside. When he does so, the look on her face is simultaneously exactly what he didn't want to see and a confirmation of everything he already knew.
"This is ridiculous," he says, barely resisting the urge to dart back into the changing room. "It doesn't suit me at all."
"Well," she says, "that's hardly the clothes' fault, is it?"
"What -" he says.
"Go try the next one," she interrupts him. "I'm sure there'll be something that doesn't look terrible."
His self-esteem duly deflated, Hachiman goes back inside to try the next outfit on, and glances at his reflection in despair. He thinks this one might be even worse.
"You're taking a long time," Iroha calls from outside.
"This was your idea," he counters. "If you're bored, why don't we just go home?"
"I never said that!" she says, sounding a little more frantic than usual. "Just come out when you're ready."
Yeah, he doesn't think that's going to happen. He unlatches the door, goes to open it, and then reconsiders. "I'll just try something different," he says, already stripping off the abomination of a shirt she picked out.
"What?" she calls back. "No, I have to see!"
"You really don't."
"Of course I do!" she insists, and just like that, the changing room door opens and Iroha pushes her way inside.
"You can't come in here!" he yells, trying to yank the shirt back down over his head. In his panic, it gets stuck around his neck, and then he feels another pair of hands tugging on it, too. She's trying to help, he supposes, except he can feel her hands on his skin, too, and that's definitely not helping.
"Stop struggling," she says.
"Stop touching me," he replies. He can see hurt flash across her face, almost too fast to see, and he immediately regrets it. "No, I mean. You can touch me."
Crap. He didn't mean that either. Or, he didn't mean to say it out loud.
"Can I?" she ask mischievously, and her hands dip lower, enough to make him jump. She laughs. "You're so easy."
"And you're so difficult," he says, finally getting the shirt down. Which is only a marginal improvement, given that he's still wearing the hideous thing. "Why would you pick this out, anyway?"
She shrugs. "I wanted to see if you would wear it."
"You -" he says, and stops. This was a joke? Well, it explains the frills, at least. "You were messing with me. That's not fair."
"Why not?" she asks. "Didn't you have fun?"
And that's the thing - he did. Even if he is wearing the worst shirt ever made.
"Well," he says. "Maybe."
Iroha grins, like he just told her he had the most amazing day ever. Sometimes, he thinks, the difference between what he says and what she hears is simply amazing.
"Now get out," he says, realising she's still crammed into the changing room with him. "Someone might get the wrong idea."
"It's fine," she says, leaning back against the door to close it again when he tries to open it. "Stop being so stuffy."
"I'm not being stuffy," he says, turning the lock. "It's inappropriate."
"I don't see why," she says, twisting the lock back the other way. "You're fully dressed."
"I don't want to be fully dressed!" he says, tugging on the door.
Iroha stops him again. "Pervert!"
"I didn't mean it that way!" he insists. "I just want to get back into my regular clothes." He can feel himself getting flustered again, twisting the lock back and forth to try to unlock it and let her out. It feels slippery in his fingers, so when he grabs it again, he twists hard - and feels the latch come off in his hand.
"Oops," he says.
Iroha narrows her eyes. "What do you mean, oops?"
Reluctantly, he holds out his hand. "I may have broken the door."
She glances from him to the door and back again. "Why did you break the door?"
"It wasn't on purpose!" he says. "I was just trying to get rid of you - I mean, I didn't mean that."
"So you want me to stay?" she asks.
He has no idea how to answer that, but luckily she doesn't seem to be expecting a response. She turns around instead and starts tugging on the door, so hard he thinks it might actually come off at the hinges.
"Don't do that," he says. "You'll break it."
"You already broke it," she points out.
He doesn't have an answer for that, so he edges past her and starts pulling on the door himself, certain it has to come free if he just tries hard enough.
"I already tried that." she says. "Here, let me."
He turns around to let her past, but instead of manoeuvring around him she just presses into him instead, trapping him between her and the door.
"It's a bit cramped in here," she says.
"That's because you're making it cramped," he says. He can feel himself starting to panic again, the heat and closeness of Iroha's body sending is into overdrive. He takes a deep breath, he just has to stay calm and not do anything stupid like -
Well, like kissing her. Which he is definitely doing right now. This has to take some kind of prize for the stupidest decision he's ever made.
At least top ten. Maybe twenty. Especially given that Iroha doesn't seem to mind; she relaxes against him, one hand pressed flat against his chest, and okay, maybe it's not the stupidest decision he's ever made.
When he pulls away, he looks at Iroha, waiting for her to speak.
"Got it!" she says, pushing the door open with her other hand. "It just needed a jiggle."
"A jiggle -" he says, dazedly following her out. "But -"
"And you should really take off that shirt," she says, pushing him back into the small room. "It's hideous."
"Hideous," he repeats, still confused. And then, much louder than he intends, "But we just kissed!"
Iroha looks panicked for half a second, and then recovers. "I'm sorry if you read anything into that," she says, in a tone she probably intends to be flippant but doesn't quite meet the mark. "I'm just not looking for a serious relationship right now."
"But we already -" he starts, and clamps his mouth shut. Of all the rejections he's had from her - he's lost track of how many - this one maybe actually stings a little. He pulls the door shut between them so he can get changed, certain she'll be gone by the time he opens it again.
Except she isn't. She's still standing there expectantly, her expression blank like nothing just happened. "Finally," she says. "You take a long time to get changed. We still need to go back to get Saika's present, and then I wanted to stop for sweets, and -"
Hachiman tunes her out, not sure he'd be able to speak even if she gave him a chance to. Honestly, he isn't sure he's ever going to be able to fully understand her moods.
"- even let you kiss me again," she says. "As long as you don't get any ideas."
Is she -? He stops, staring after her. She must be joking. Just messing with him, or else there's some joke he missed while he wasn't paying attention.
She stops after a few steps, once she realises he isn't with her any more. "Well?" she says. "Come on, we haven't got all day. And don't worry, I was just kidding."
He relaxes, trying to tell himself he isn't disappointed.
Iroha starts walking again once he catches up to her. "We don't have to get sweets if you don't want them."