Work Text:
Tim glanced at his phone for what seemed to him like the 100th time. He was supposed to be getting paperwork done but he couldn’t focus. He was hoping Lucy would respond to him soon.
She had called out today and hadn’t even texted him, he found out when Grey announced they were one short in roll call. There was a string of unanswered and unread messages.
8:29am
From: Tim Bradford
To: Lucy Chen
Hey Lu Grey said you called out today, what’s up? Are you sick? Would you like me to stop by after work?
11:52am
From: Tim Bradford
To: Lucy Chen
Hey checking in, I tried calling, went straight to voicemail. Is your phone off? I’ll be by after work with dinner.
6:04pm
From: Tim Bradford
To:Lucy Chen
Hey just started on some paperwork, should be done within the hour, I’ll be by soon.
It was unsettling to Tim that Lucy wasn’t responding. She usually does even when she is on duty. Which he personally frowns upon and doesn’t know where she learned THAT, because it was certainly not from him.
He needed to go over there just to check on her. Sure they had only been dating a couple months but he still feels an obligation to just make sure she’s ok. She hadn’t ever ghosted him like this.
Unfortunately the pile of paperwork wasn’t getting any smaller the more he thought about Lucy. He sighed and continued to fill out paperwork, trying to do it fast but it still took way too long for his liking. Slowly though, the pile shrunk.
He was finally done with it at around 7:30ish. There were still a few more cases but he came to the conclusion that those could be done later. They weren’t a necessity at this moment.
7:27pm
From: Tim Bradford
To: Lucy Chen
Hey just finished, sorry it took longer than I thought it would. I’m heading out now, I’ll see you soon.
He sighed and sent the message knowing she probably wouldn’t respond. It was really bothering him; not because he felt a lack of communication but because he was worried. He didn't know what was wrong.
He changed out as fast as he could and headed towards the door but before he could reach it Grey called out to him, waving him into his office.
“Hey, shut the door Tim,” that was never a good sign, but he didn’t think he had done anything, at least nothing had come to mind.
“Hey, what’s up?” he questioned. “Lucy requested the rest of the week off and I’m assuming you want it with her?” Tim gave him a puzzled look. He had no idea what he was talking about. Grey was still staring at him, pen in hand.
“I’m not following,” Grey seemed to study his face, deciding something. “She hasn’t talked to you?” Tim’s mind was running “No? About what?” Saying Tim was confused was an understatement. “It’s in her file?” Tim racked his mind for what could be in her file he went through when she was a rookie..
“What’s going on? What is in her file?” Grey seemed to have a solemn look on his face which only made Tim worry more. “I shouldn’t tell you, it’s her business, but you should take the week with her, talk to her.” A still thoroughly confused Tim just accepted it “Ok, Thanks Grey, I’ll see you next week then?”
Tim walked out of the office confused and much more concerned than he had been all day. What in the world was going on? What would require a whole week off and to be in her file? He tried to rack his brain for it but came up empty which is ironic because after his time on the job he had heard of almost everything.
He quickly exited Mid-Wilshire and briskly walked through the parking lot. When he got to his truck he threw his bag into the passenger seat and started the engine. He didn’t want to waste anymore time being away from Lucy if she needed him. He just wanted to be there for her, even if he didn’t know what was going on.
He sped 5 miles over the speed limit and ran a few yellow lights. Though those seemed miniscule to him if Lucy was suffering in any way right now. He got there about 10 minutes faster than it normally takes.
He decided to forgo the elevator, it took too long anyway, the building was too old. As he took the stairs two at a time he found himself laughing at himself, wishing he was a little younger and his knees weren’t aching by the time he got to Lucy’s floor.
He knocked first. He knocked a few times even. Though after hearing no noise and no voices he decided to use his key. As he slowly opened the door he looked around. It was all dark, everything was in their regular places, which set off more alarm bells in his head. When Lucy was sick she usually opted for the couch instead so she could watch shows and enjoy tea.
“Lucy?” He called out. He kicked off his shoes and set his bag down by the counter. His voice was calm but his heart was panicking, what had happened? He wandered around the apartment and took notice of the pile of dishes in the sink, the blanket unfolded on the couch, and a plethora of miscellaneous items on the coffee table; a lot messier than Lucy usually kept her apartment.
The door to her room was closed and he slowly pushed it open. He could see Lucy’s figure on the bed but not much else. Though as he moved closer the moonlight coming from the window illuminated her face more and his heart just broke.
There were tear tracks running down her face and even in sleep her breathing was ragged. He couldn’t seem to stop asking the question of what happened? He couldn’t decide if he should let her sleep or wake her because god knows how much sleep she had gotten in the past 24 hours.
In the end he decided he would make her a cup of tea then wake her. He headed to the kitchen and picked out the one he knew was her favorite. He silently brewed the tea as he pondered in his thoughts. Trying to mentally go through her file. Then it hit him, a word he had glanced over as a TO. Depression. Something he didn’t really think about back then, emotions.
Eventually he grabbed her favorite mug, poured the hot water and added the tea bag. He gently blew on it to cool it off and made his way to her room. He set the mug on her bedside table and gently spoke.
“Lu, hey Lu wake up,” She seemed to stir a little as he sat on the side of her bed. “Hey there’s my pretty girl,” he said as he smiled. She took a moment to adjust her eyes and looked at him. He doesn’t know the second it happened but she just burst out sobbing. “Hey, hey Lu, you’re ok, you’re ok,” he continued to murmur affirmations into her ear as he moved to hold her on his lap.
They just sat there as Lucy sobbed and Tim rocked back and forth comforting her. Never stopping the constant I love you’s and You’re ok’s. Eventually her heart shattering sobs turned into heart cracking cries as she quieted.
Tim reached to the table where he had set the mug and slowly held it up to her mouth. “Drink baby,” he said gently and she did. She sipped about half until she pulled back and he put the mug back.
She turned around in his arms, criss crossing her legs on his lap and throwing her arms around his neck as she snuggled her face into his neck. He could feel her breathing him in deeply. He wrapped his arms around her torso and just continued to hold her. He was perfectly content here.
He rocked her until she fell asleep and when she did he gently laid her down next to him. They would talk in the morning, but for now he would lay here as long as she wanted. Anything to make his girl happier.
He still couldn’t believe he had never thought of it. All these years, she had been struggling with this alone because past him didn’t care enough to give it a second thought.
_______________________
Tim woke up when it was still dark outside though just barely. He could see the sun just below the horizon. He looked over towards Lucy, the tear tracks were still prominent but her face looked more peaceful than it did last night.
He decided he would get up and make her breakfast and maybe a bath before talking to her. He knew whatever was going on was serious and he wanted to be there to support her.
He decided to make french toast, since he knew it was something she loved but rarely had. He made sure to be quiet as he looked for all the ingredients he knew she had. It was still early enough for her to be reasonably asleep. They had the rest of the week anyway, no rush to get out of bed.
He hummed to himself quietly as light made its way through the windows as the sun rose. Once he was done he made her more tea and put french toast with butter and maple syrup (obviously) together on a plate. He always thought she loved too much of the sweet syrup but it was just so her he couldn’t help but lather it on.
He made his way into her room and gently shook her awake. “Hey Lu, goodmorning, I made you breakfast,” he said gently. He knew she hadn’t eaten yesterday because when he left the night before there were the same amount of dishes as there was when he arrived last night.
Her eyes slowly opened but a numb look was kept on her face. “ ‘m not hungry” she mumbled. “C’mon Lu, just a little ok? I know you didn’t eat yesterday and your body needs fuel, I even made your favorite tea,” he pleaded with her. Though as he looked at her face she had tears in her eyes.
“What’s wrong babe?” he questioned. “You’ve done all these n-nice things for me when I don’t deserve them, I’m so sorry you have to deal with me” her statement gutted him. “What do you mean? Of course you deserve it, I would give you everything if I could.” That just made the tears course down her face more.
“B-but-” she was cut off by Tim, “Eat first, then we’ll talk if you’re up for it, ok?” and she nodded along with that.
Though it took awhile she managed to eat quite a bit and drank all of her tea and Tim just stayed there with her and let her lean on him while she nibbled on it. When she declared she was done, Tim took the plate from her and set it on the side table.
They just sat there for only a couple minutes but it seemed like hours to Lucy, whose heart was beating out of her chest. Tim just waited patiently, knowing she would tell him in time if she wanted to.
Lucy took a deep breath once her tears had finally dried up and began. “I- I need you to just listen ok? If you interrupt me I don’t think I’ll be able to get through with telling you and if I can hear the disappointment in your voice I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from crying, ok?”
“Oh Lu, I could never be disappointed in you ok? But I promise you that I won’t say anything until you tell me I can, ok? You don’t even have to tell me anything but I’m here for everything, I need you to know that. The good and the bad, beautiful and ugly” She looked up at him with so much admiration.
“Ok, uhm, when I was younger I.. wobbled a bit. As you know my parents were therapists, so when their own daughter started struggling they had all these views, the whole ‘oh where did I go wrong’ bit. I was eventually diagnosed with chronic depression,” she took a deep breath when she heard Tim’s intake of breath at that.
“It took a lot for me to.. get past my teen years, I struggled. Especially then I fell into deep depressive episodes that lasted a long time. I’ve gotten medicated and went to therapy since I got out of my parents house and it’s gotten better. However, though I get them less often and they last shorter they still happen and I can’t control it. So when I signed up for the police academy I was able to have a plan, which is listed in my file.
It states in case of an unpreventable episode I am able to take the week, no repercussions. Though they never happened during my rookie year because I was too busy to even think, that’s why I was never gone then. So that’s it, uhm, I’m sorry. I know I should have told you when we started dating but I was so scared, I’m so sorry and I’ll understand if you want to break up,” her voice breaking at the last sentence she looks down, fiddling and twisting her fingers.
Tim got the cue that she was done, he grabbed her by the chin so she would look at him, “Oh Lucy Chen, nothing can ever make me love you any less. Nothing. Understand that. I may not know a lot but I’ll help you with every step I can, I promise. It’s called chronic for a reason and I would never break up with you over that. Grey gave me the rest of the week off with you, so I’ll be here the whole time and by the end you’ll be sick of me. I know the aspects of depression both from personal and professional ok? I’ll cook you meals, help you shower, help you sleep, whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. In fact I should be the one who’s sorry, I should have been more aware.”
Lucy looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “You really mean that?” Tim bent down and kissed her, “Of course I do, I may need some guidance and help at first with what you need but we’ll figure it out together ok? You’ll never be alone again, Lu.”
Lucy was crying again, no one had ever cared for her as much as Tim, not her parents, previous boyfriends, no one. She didn’t think anyone would love her enough to stick through this with her.
Tim just held her there for a while, both of them just enjoying each other’s presence. It had been a long two days, so when Lucy fell back asleep, Tim let her sleep. She deserved it. While she slept he made good use of his time researching everything he could find on chronic depression. He knew he would have to ask Lucy specifically what she needed but for now this would do.
He would be there every chance he got for her and this changed nothing. He loved her and she loved him and he knew that. He sat there in bliss with her soft snores (“I don’t snore Tim!” she’d say) ready to do whatever it took to see Lucy’s million dollar smile every second he could; and when it disappeared he would do everything he could to show her she was loved. He would wash those dishes for her, do her laundry, clean her coffee table, anything to make her life easier. No one had ever accepted him and looked past his darkness and then she came. She only saw the light in him, for that he will forever be repaying her.