Chapter Text
A thank you note to my ex, Jace.
Our story didn’t begin immediately and it didn’t end quickly either. Our love was a slow burn and when it ended it burned even slower, drawing out the pain and leaving blisters that lingered. It wasn’t an easy choice and it may not be the right one either but at that moment it seemed like it was the only one.
Our story has a beginning, a middle and an end.
Let’s start with the part that I loved the most, the beginning.
“So I’ve been thinking, gusto ko na ng jowa.”
“Serenity Sevilleja tumigil ka nga, jowa ba talaga gusto mo or someone lang na makakausap mo pag bored ka? Yung last fling mo hindi ko pa rin maintindihan bakit kayo natapos.”
Sab didn’t have to call out Serene like that pero totoo naman kasi. Serene has always been the type of person na kapag bored na tyaka lang naghahanap ng kausap tapos after a few months bigla na lang siyang magshu-shutdown at aayaw sa commitment. She’s never really been in love and nor has she let herself be in love. Hindi pa rin naman siya nasaktan so hindi niya rin alam kung saan nanggagaling yung fear niya na mag-commit if wala naman siyang prior experience.
“Siya naman may kasalanan, ang bagal kasi mag-reply.”
Sab gave her a pointed look and Serene felt like she had to defend herself.
“I swear malay mo naman this time if I find someone, mag-work na.”
“Paano magwo-work eh ang bilis mo nga umayaw, onting mali lang ayaw mo na kaagad. Malay mo yung last na kausap mo sadyang busy lang.”
Serene huffed. Kasalanan ba niyang mabilis siya maka-spot ng red flag at kaya niyang umiwas sa mga ganun?
“Hindi siya busy sadyang ayaw niya lang mag-reply and please can we stop talking about him? Naka-move on na ako sa kanya, ilang araw ko rin siyang iniyakan noh.”
Sab raised her arms in defeat, alam niyang never siya magpapatalo ang best friend niya.
“Fine, so anong balak mo ngayon?”
“Ewan, maghihintay siguro kung may dadating.”
“Hindi naman totoo yung ganun, I know someone feel ko you’ll like her. I could set the two of you up.”
Maybe at that moment the universe knew what it was doing. Maybe it knew it was setting up two innocent souls that will help each other carry the weight of their worlds as they grow into maturity. Maybe it knew at that moment Serene is meant to meet her peace, Jace.
“I’m sorry, I swear hindi ko sinasadya tinulak kasi ako ni Ate Macy.”
Ready na sanang tumalak si Serene pero kita naman niya na sincere yung tao kaya tinikom niya na lang yung bibig niya. Sab who’s usually the more passive one between the two of them spoke up though which honestly surprised her.
“Jace bakit ba kasi kayo naghaharutan eh library ‘to?”
Tinuro ni Jace yung katabi niya. “I swear si ate Macy yung may kasalanan, nag-text kasi yung manliligaw niya ayun kinilig, ako pa napag-initan.”
She pouted. A grown woman actually pouted and Serene found it adorable.
“Huy bebe Sab ikaw pala yan, I’m sorry,” the other girl beside Jace spoke up.
“Ate, kay Serene ka mag-sorry siya yung nabangga niyo.”
Jace and Macy both looked at Serene, kita sa mga mata nila yung guilt.
“No need to say sorry, next time siguro maging aware na lang din kayo sa paligid niyo since other people might take it differently din.”
Jace nodded her head enthusiastically, parang bata na nakikinig habang pinapagalitan ng nanay niya.
“Serene right? Sorry ulit, iwan na namin kayo may hahanapin pa kasi kami ni ate Macy!”
Their first meeting was nothing special. It was an accident and that was it. She didn’t expect that she’ll have someone as innocent and hopeful as Jace is as a friend. The girl always sees everything in a different light which has influenced Serene to see things differently as well.
She really liked Miggy, she was a sweet girl. Miggy would always sing her to sleep in their late night calls. She kept her company while she did her school work. She agreed when Serene said she wants to take things slow. Serene on her part ignored how Miggy would love bomb her most of the time thinking na maybe it’s something she can overlook kasi nga naman totoo naman ang sinabi ni Sab mabilis siyang sumuko sa mga tao. She argued to herself na maybe it’s Miggy’s way of telling lang din na Serene needs to be more affectionate with the people she dates.
When she dated Miggy she really had the intention of trying it out for the best, she wanted it to work. She wanted it to work so badly because she wanted to prove something to herself. She wanted to prove that she’s not loveless. She wanted to prove that all of her previous failed relationships are not solely because she’s afraid to commit and get herself hurt. In the end maybe she wanted it so much that as soon as she opened up her heart, it shattered.
Miggy lied when she said she would wait for her.
First heartbreak ni Serene si Miggy and as much as she wants to say na she knew it was coming. She really didn’t. She didn’t know how to handle her pain either pero sa mga dramas na napanood niya sa alak ang takbo ng mga tao. She did exactly that and it may be another bad decision but it led her to the right person.
She was on her fifth drink at a bar with Sab on her side.
“Bestie alam ko namang masakit pero wala namang magagawa yung alak.”
“I know pero just this once can you let me feel my pain?”
“Alam mo dapat talaga hindi ko na pinakilala sa’yo si Miggy hindi ko naman alam na siya lang pala ang makasisisra sa puso ng one and only Serenity Sevilleja.”
“Minahal ko siya Sab eh, I was gonna tell her I love her pero she ended things with me before I could say it.”
At that moment Jace joined them na tumutulo pa ang pawis. She was still in a class when she learned about what happened. Kababasa niya lang din sa text ni Serene regarding nga sa plano niyang magpakalasing for the night para daw isang iyakan na lang. She came as soon as she could.
“I’m sorry late ako, nakailang rounds na ba kayo?”
Jace doesn’t drink, a conscious decision she’s made from a young age upon seeing how alcohol affected her family. She hates clubs and anything associated with it pero para kay Serene she’s willing to be there. Especially seeing how her friend got her first heartbreak.
If someone asks kung paano naging magkaibigan si Serene and Jace they’ll immediately answer that it’s because of Sab. However if someone asks how they became actual friends they would never really know. They don’t really have a lot of common ground but there’s a connection between them where they just feel safe with each other. For Serene, being with Jace is like an afternoon on the beach with the right amount of sunlight while the ocean breeze cools her down.
“Jace!”
Serene drunkenly clings to Jace.
“Iniwan na ako ni Miggy, I gave her an out because she said na she’s been dealing with a lot lately. Hindi ko naman inexpect na talagang iiwan niya ako.”
Jace pats her head.
“It’s okay to feel the pain, minahal mo yung tao eh but you should know that it’s her loss. You’re too kind for this world para lang sayangin ng mga taong tulad niya.”
“Buti ka pa Jace hindi mo ‘ko iiwan.”
Serene held Jace’s face and pulled the girl closer. Serene stared right through Jace’s eyes.
Ang ganda pala talaga ng mga mata niya, she thought.
Sab cuts in, “Sige bestie kunyari hindi kita sinamahan maglasing kahit mababa talaga alcohol tolerance ko at may pasok pa ako bukas.”
Jace laughs.
“Sab you can go home na if you want, I’ll take Serene home.”
Serene suddenly pulls back from Jace. She crossed her arms na parang bata.
“Ayaw ko pa umuwi!” She pouted.
“Sino bang nagsabing uuwi ka? Uminom ka kung gusto mo I’ll be here with you pero maawa ka naman kay Sab pauwiin mo na siya.”
Sab gave her a thankful look. “Sigurado ka bang kaya mo siya? I actually called Gail na rin ih she’ll be here soon para sunduin ako but if you can’t handle her we can stay for a bit then take you two home..”
Jace looked at Serene na busy tumagay ng alak, she seemed so drunk pero hindi pa rin papaawat. She’s not sure paano niya iuuwi yung kaibigan niya pero 3 hours ng kasama ni Sab si Serene at parang it’s her turn naman na para mag-alaga sa kaibigan nila. Lalo na at may pasok pa nga bukas si Sab.
“You can go, I got her I also brought my car so it wouldn’t make sense na hintayin mo pa kami kung ako lang din naman ang maghahatid talaga sa kanya.”
Sab nods. “Just text me if mga 2 na hindi pa rin siya tumitigil.”
“I can hear you guys, you know?” Serene slurred.
“Kung naririnig mo kami edi sana tumigil ka na.”
“No! Let me get drunk tonight para after this I’ll be okay na,” Serene huffed.
Dahan-dahang tumatango si Jace, choosing to believe Serene’s words rather than argue with it. Hinding-hindi siya mananalo kay Serene baka mag-walk out pa ang gaga at pumunta sa ibang lugar.
“If you think so.”
Sab’s phone rang.
“Sure kang kaya mo ha?”
Jace takes a deep breath and nods. “Yes, go na, ‘wag mo ng paghintayin ng matagal jowa mo.”
Sab gives Serene a tight hug. “Love you bestie, you’ll get through this. Si Miggy lang yung ikaw si Serene, masyado kang maganda para umiyak dahil sa kanya.”
“Ih, maganda rin siya ih!” Serene whines back.
Jace shakes her head in amusement.
To Jace’s relief and amusement nagpaawat rin si Serene after a couple more rounds of drinks. Jace could only describe her as wasted . Both in a sense na sobrang lasing niya na at sinayang siya. Miggy really had a loss with the way she took Serene for granted. Her friend could have given so much love if given the chance.
When she met Serene sobrang thoughtful niyang tao kahit lagi siyang ready makipag-away. Defense mecahnism na niya ata ang pagiging mataray bago pa siya tarayan ng ibang tao. Their friendship was easy. She didn’t always see Serene sa univ since iba naman sila ng major but when they see each other everything clicks lang. They’d find themselves in random places and they’d just sit and talk for hours, no particular topics, just anything going on in their lives. Lahat na ata ng chismis sa buhay ni Serene narinig na niya.
“I want to go home na pero ayaw ko sa bahay,” Serene whines.
Nakaakbay si Serene kay Jace while the latter tries to support her weight. Medyo mahirap on Jace’s part since halos dead weight na si Serene pero buti na lang talaga she’s been going to the gym lately. Hindi rin naktulong na pagewang-gewang maglakad si Serene kaya kung saan-saan niya hinahatak si Jace.
“Bakit ayaw mo sa bahay niyo?”
“My mom doesn’t know na I got my heart broken, ayaw kong mag-alala siya na ganito ako.”
“You shouldn’t have drank this much then.”
“Oh please, I’m hurt I can act like this.”
Jace shrugs. “Sabi mo eh pero just this once lang.”
“Yes, just this once. Tomorrow tatawanan na natin ‘to.”
Dahan-dahang pinapasok ni Jace si Serene sa kotse niya. She tried her best para hindi mauntog si Serene while she goes inside the car. She also secured Serene’s seatbelt before she went to the driver’s side.
“I’ll take you back to my place but I’ll text tita that you’ll be spending the night with me.”
“Thanks Jace.”
Jace couldn’t even utter a word before bumagsak ang ulo ni Serene. The girl is really drunk at knockout na siya. She’s hoping na hindi masuka ang kaibigan niya while she’s driving dahil she swears si Serene ang maglilinis ng kalat niya.
Surprisingly, the two of them made it to her place without any qualms. Jace had to carry a really dead weight Serene on her back para makapasok sa condo niya at tinitigan pa siya ni manong guard while doing so pero other than that successful niyang naipasok si Serene sa unit niya. She helped the girl settle sa bed niya since she knows that the girl will have a hangover pagkagising niya, Jace wouldn’t want to add back pain sa equation if sa sofa matutulog si Serene.
She gently taps Serene’s cheeks to wake her up.
“Drink some water so you’d regret your decision tomorrow morning a little less.”
Serene looks groggy as she took the glass of water. “Thank you, Jace. Sorry sa abala.”
“Like you said just this once lang naman so you don’t have to feel sorry. We have our lows and I’m not faulting you for it.”
When morning came feeling ni Serene tatlong truck ang bumangga sa kanya. She usually has migraines pero iba rin talaga ang headache from a hangover. She jolts up when she feels the bile building up from her stomach. She’s only been to Jace’s place once but it’s easy to remember the layout and her trip to the bathroom was quick. She murmurs both a sorry and a thank you when she feels someone caressing her back to help her get the alcohol out of her system.
“Sige lang ilabas mo lang yan.”
Nang wala ng maisuka si Serene nagkusa na siyang tumayo at maghilamos while Jace stood by the dorm frame quietly observing her. Jace watched her from the mirror with a concerned look on her eyes. Nahihiyang binalikan naman ni Serene ang tingin ng kaibigan niya. Alam niyang irresponsible decision ang ginawa niya kagabi pero minsan lang siya masaktan kaya sana naman pagbigyan na siya ng universe para umakto ng ganon.
“I called your mom last night, I think she knows.”
Serene’s eyebrows furrows.
“She could sense that you and Miggy are not okay, binilin niya sa’kin na she’s not rushing you na umuwi. You can stay here for breakfast if you want and when you’re ready to go home daw she’s willing to listen sa’yo.”
Serene smiles in relief. Even without her dad around, her mom has always stood as an inspiration to her. Jace has seen their bond over time and it reminds her of her connection with her parents as an only child din. Even if her parents are not the perfect couple they’re always still going to be the best parents that Jace could ever have.
“May lugaw sa ref if you want to eat? Iniwan nila mommy when they visited me the other day.”
Serene nods eagerly.
“Yes please grabe yung gutom ko. Not recommended uminom nang walang kain.”
“Come to the kitchen once you’re done here I’ll heat it up muna.”
Jace turns around at dumiretso na sa kitchen para kunin yung lugaw na iniwan ng parents niya. She also boiled some eggs para at least may protein din naman na makain si Serene. When she was done prepping Serene’s already sitting sa may dining area habang nakasandal ang ulo sa dingding.
“Is it that bad?”
Nilapag ni Jace yung bowl ng lugaw sa harap ng kaibigan at umupo na rin sa tapat niya.
“I swear Jace tama talaga na you don’t drink, hangovers are not worth it.”
Serene picked up her spoon for a first bite.
“Be careful mainit yan.”
Serene smiled, grabe din talaga kung mag-alaga si Jace.
“Blow mo nga for me?”
“Sinuswerte ka na masyado,” Jace whines but still takes the bowl that Serene has. “Take this na lang, hindi na siya ganon kainit perfect lang for you.”
“Thank you Jace, mahal mo talaga ako.”
“Duh, kaibigan kita of course I’ll take care of you.”
If there’s one thing that Serene knows about Jace is that she will rather die than break her words. Jace's promises were never empty, before she says it out loud she’s already thought about it long and hard enough. She will never go against the words that she has said and so when she said that she’ll take care of Serene she meant it.
“Jace can you come with me to the library?” Serene’s voice is hesitant while she plays with the straw of her drink.
It’s been 2 weeks since the day na nahibang siya at nagpakalasing because of Miggy. She hasn’t really seen Jace much since then kasi hindi nagtutugma ang schedule ng classes nila. She also didn’t want to admit na medyo na-guilty siya na Jace had to take care of her while she’s drunk even if they only knew each other for a couple of months kaya hindi niya rin talaga pinipilit na magkita silang dalawa. Today though she saw Miggy with someone else while on campus and ang sakit lang sa part niya na it seems like Miggy’s happier with the girl na kasama niya.
“I don’t mind pero we’ve never really bonded over acads so why the sudden change?”
“Honestly, I need a distraction.”
Jace squints. “Do tell.”
“Alam kong sabi ko na hindi ko na iiyakan si Miggy pero kasi I saw her with someone else sa may quad. I heard from some of my blockmates na she’s dating that girl daw.”
Jace drops the fork she’s holding.
“What? Ang bilis naman.”
Serene’s mood has dwindled again after hearing that news. When she decided to give Miggy an out from their situationship because of the stress the girl’s been going through na ayaw naman niyang ipaalam kay Serene, she didn’t expect that the girl would immediately take it. Mas lalong hindi niya ine-expect na two weeks after may bago na siya kaagad even if a month prior medyo hindi na rin talaga silang okay na dalawa.
“Well we haven’t been talking for almost a month before we actually ended things so I really don’t think it’s that bad.”
Jace seems mad. “Stop making excuses for Miggy, kahit kaibigan ko rin siya we both know she’s in the wrong on this one.”
Serene shrugs. “Wala naman tayong magagawa if ganon talaga nararamdaman niya. She has her own feelings, sadyang yung sa kanya may nahanap ng iba samantalang ako ito siya pa rin.”
“Serene,” Jace’s voice softens.
“Stop na sa pity please, distraction lang need ko talaga. She used to study with me sa library kaya naman everytime I’m there siya lang naaalala ko. I can’t let that happen I have to reclaim my good memories there especially since dun kaya kita nakilala.”
“Okay finish your coffee then we’ll go sa lib I have to study for a quiz din.”
“Thank you Jace.”
“Puro ka thank you, need ko naman talaga mag-aral. Good influence ka rin pala sa buhay ko minsan eh.”
Serene gives her an offended look.
“One time lang naman kita inaya mag-bar!”
“Inaya mo ko kahit sinabi kong hindi ako umiinom kaya bad influence ka.”
“Fine,” Serene huffs.
Jace pokes her friend’s cheek. “Tama na ang arte, kung inuubos mo sana yang kape mo edi sana may nasimulan na tayong aralin diba.”
Maybe their story would have started way earlier if the series of events lined up correctly just once. Maybe if she met Jace sooner she wouldn’t have to date Miggy and get her heart broken. Maybe if she didn’t get hurt by Miggy while Jace is still single then maybe they could have started sooner. Maybe if Jace didn’t start dating Teddy then she would have mustered up the courage to ask her out sooner.
Although if anything had changed would it still have been their story?
Tanner’s arrival to their friendship is swift, if you had blinked just once you would have missed it.
“Naalala mo yun guy na nanligaw sa’kin sa dance team ko?”
Serene goes through her memory for anything about the guy Jace is mentioning pero wala siyang maalala. Hindi kasi talaga makwento si Jace about sa lovelife niya and if ever naman magkwento siya parang wala lang sa kanya kaya madalas nakakalimutan din talaga ni Serene. Jace has never really prioritized relationships for her kasi bonus na lang sa kanya if she has a happy heart.
“I’m sorry pero hindi.”
Jace laughs. “That’s okay I think I only mentioned him once din sa inyo.”
They are currently in the library hinihintay nila si Sab because all three of them agreed to study for their finals. They’re almost done with their first year of college. Serene couldn’t believe na it’s been almost 10 months since she’s met Jace and it’s been 4 months since her heart break kay Miggy. She hasn’t dated anyone since her pero she confirmed that Miggy is indeed in a relationship with the girl she last saw her with. She’s genuinely happy for Miggy but every time she thinks about the fact that she was so ready to give her love to her pero Miggy didn’t even give her the chance to do so it still stings.
Jace has honestly been a big help to her moving on period. Kulang ang salitang thank you sa pasensya na binibigay sa kanya ni Jace. Especially sa random bouts of aya ni Serene kapag bored na siya. Kung saan-saan na ata sila nakarating dahil sa mga nights na hindi mapakali si Serene at gustong gumala tapos si Jace naman napaka-yes woman at never niyang tinanggihan ang kaibigan. Napakamaalaga pa ni Jace, kita naman sa mga libre pa lang niya ng coffee kay Serene even if she herself hindi mahilig sa coffee. Dagdag mo na rin yung mga times na kapag namimiss ni Serene yung ex niya because she’s reminded of the things they’ve done Jace would double her effort to create a better memory for Serene to keep. Honestly if Serene wasn’t moving on from Miggy baka inisip niya ng ligawan din si Jace.
“What’s his name again?”
“Tanner, he’s a really nice guy. Actually he asked me to be his girlfriend the other kaya ayun I said yes na.”
Serene’s eyes widened. “What do you mean you said, yes?”
Jace’s laughter echoed through the library but instead of the usual pleasant feeling that Serene feels upon hearing it, she feels irritated.
“3 months na rin naman siyang nanliligaw plus na-meet niya na parents ko. They seemed to like him, which is rare. Mabait siya I swear and maalaga rin.”
“We’ve never even met him.”
“Sinadya ko naman talaga yun kasi I didn’t want to jinx it, at least I told you about him kahit pa you forgot about it.”
Serene should be happy, she really should but she isn’t. Jace deserves to be happy pero it doesn’t sit right with her na yung mga ngiti niya iba na ang rason. She’s trying to find a reason to justify her thoughts but she couldn’t come up with any, other than the irrational fact na no one will ever be enough for Jace.
The first time she met Tanner kulang na lang magbigay siya ng NBI clearance at birth certificate. She had so many questions for him.
“Anong intensyon mo sa kaibigan namin?”
“Willing ka ba na patayin yung aircon kahit napakainit kasi ayaw niya sa malamig?”
“Kakainin mo ba yung sisiw sa balut niya?”
“Bibili ka ba ng boy bawang kahit dis oras na ng gabi para lang sa cravings niya?”
Jace immediately pulls Tanner behind her.
“Serene, play nice. You’re scaring Tan.”
Anong play nice? Mabait naman siya. She just has to make sure na tama ang mga rason nitong si Tanner para sa kanyang kaibigan.
“Also kung makapagtanong ka, pumasa na siya kanila Tita wala ka ng magagawa,” Sab cuts in. “Hi Tan, musta ka na? Sorry kung di ako nakakapunta sa practices busy lang catching up with the acads especially since finals.”
Serene couldn’t help rolling her eyes. Itong si Sab dapat kampi sa kanya sa pangingilatis ditong kay Tanner pero mukhang kilala niya na rin. It feels unfair na parang nahuhuli siya sa mga balita tungkol kay Jace while the other seems to know so much about her life.
“That’s fine gets naman ni coach na busy tayong lahat sa acads, even tong si Jace I barely see her sa practices,” Tanner responds with a smile.
Okay naman talaga si Tanner, base sa kwento ni Jace mukha naman siyang mabait and mukha pa ngang mabango. Pero Serene can’t help herself to find reasons kung bakit hindi siya dapat i-date ni Jace. It sucks kasi wala talaga siyang mahanap.
“Girls pano ba yun una na ako,” Jace cuts in.
“What do you mean? Sabi mo you’ll have coffee with us.”
Jace looks back kay Tanner then to Serene. “Sorry, I forgot that I agreed to go on a date with him. Next time na lang tayo magkape promise it’s going to be on me.”
That’s when Serene found a reason why she doesn’t like Tanner, he has Jace’s attention now.
In all honesty Jace has tried her best to keep in touch with Serene. Even over the summer break she would always ask to meet up with her pero it was Serene who avoided her at all cost. She stopped responding to Jace’s texts and she never picked up calls from her either. How could she when every invite that Jace has laging kasama si Tanner? After the first month, Jace stopped trying to reach out to her na din. Jace is smart, she could read the room and she knows when someone doesn’t want to talk to her. That’s a problem on Serene’s part though because she does want to talk to her friend. Pero paano niya ie-explain sa kaibigan niya na she’s jealous? She’s jealous of Tanner for having her friend’s attention na sa loob ng mga ilang buwan na magkasama sila nasa kanya lang noon.
“Jace is confused as to why hindi mo sinasagot yung mga text at tawag niya,” Sab says over the phone.
Serene is lying on her bed scrolling through her phone while Sab is ranting about her day when Jace comes up to their conversation. She doesn’t speak.
“Iniisip niya she did something wrong. I’m trying to console her without telling her the truth Serene pero I swear onti na lang pag-uuntugin ko na kayo.”
Serene huffs. “I’ll deal with it soon.”
“You better kasi kung hindi Serene, ikaw ang sasabog, at kapag sumabog ka mahirap ng pigilan.”
“Whatever Sab, I’ll call you again tomorrow. Bye.”
She doesn’t wait for Sab to say bye back and ends the call. She scrolls through her phone for a little but her mind couldn’t ignore what Sab had said. She opts to read all of the messages that Jace has sent her. Most of it is Jace trying to act normal and simply asking her about her day. As she scrolls down further, Jace starts questioning if okay lang ba siya and if she needs time for herself lang ba or did she do something para magalit siya sa kanya. When she got to the last text message it was Jace saying that if she wants to reach out she’s still there but she’ll stop bothering her na.
Serene’s heart feels a slight twinge of pain.
Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang siya maging okay na may boyfriend na yung kaibigan niya?
It’s been two months since they last talked and it was right after their finals. Jace went home sa Laguna rather than staying sa Manila so it was given na hindi talaga sila magkikita that often but they made plans na they would still see each other. Jace has kept her end of the plan by the way she was reaching out to her but Serene hasn’t and it made her feel awful.
That night she still chose to suffer by herself.
The next time she sees Jace was the day of registering for their classes. Serene had made a plan to avoid her at all cost but it seems like never naman talaga umaayon ang panahon sa kanya. The first person she sees as soon as she steps into the campus is Jace, the girl had a glow on her that she couldn’t deny made her even more loveable in Serene’s eyes.
Ha, anong loveable? She thought.
“Serene!”
Jace is the most pure person in this world that Serene has ever met. She will always choose to overlook your mistakes as long as you’d let her. That’s exactly what she did when she chose to hug Serene rather than ask her about why the girl had avoided her all summer break.
“I missed you.”
Serene pulls herself together and wraps her arms around Jace’s figure. “I missed you too.”
“Do you want to get coffee after registration?”
Serene flashes a genuine smile. A cloud that’s been hovering over her the past two months has lifted. Seeing Jace and realizing that their dynamic still stayed the same despite her avoidance over the summer made her feel ten times better than she was minutes ago.
“Sige, pero pano si Tanner?”
She didn’t want to mention his name but she felt like she had to. She needs to also do her part in trying to regulate their bond again hindi na pwedeng si Jace lang. Nakakahiya naman on her part na when she was in a relationship Jace was there tapos ngayong si Jace ang meron bigla siyang mawawala na parang bula. Ano na lang ang ambag niya sa friendship nila?
“Bakit naman siya kasama eh ikaw nga inaya ko diba?”
“Because he’s your boyfriend?”
“I might have forgotten to mention to you na we broke up 2 weeks ago.”
Jace hasn’t forgotten, she just wasn’t given the opportunity to do so and it’s all Serene’s fault.
“I’ll meet up with you in an hour, then we can go on a lunch date instead of coffee. It'll be my treat,” Serene says with finality.
Jace was about to argue.
“No buts, ikaw naman magda-drive kaya ako na magbabayad ng lunch. I’ll see you Jace!”
Serene runs away with a giddy smile stuck on her face. It stayed there and even got wider when she finally saw again after registering for all of her classes.
“Were you able to get all of the classes that you wanted?” Jace asks her while she leads the other girl out towards the parking lot.
Serene shakes her head. “Not really I didn’t get some of the profs na gusto ko sana pero at least complete yung classes ko and still on track pa rin ako. Why’d you ask?”
“Wala naman, I was just curious since parang nanalo ka sa lotto kung makangiti.”
“Pwede na rin,” Serene replies.
She tugs Jace faster towards her car.
“Bilisan mo na gutom na ako.”
“Ito na po princess.”
Their lunch was a simple one. They chose to eat sa fast food chain since puno halos lahat ng karinderia sa tapat ng school nila considering it’s lunch time. Serene managed to beat Jace sa pag-abot ng pera kay Ate na nasa cashier despite her disapproval.
Jace carried their tray while Serene picked a spot for them to sit in. Once they’ve settled down sa table wala ng paligoy-ligoy na nagtanong si Serene. She’s already missed a lot of chapters in Jace’s life. She can’t wait a single second more.
“So why did you and Tanner break up?”
Jace slowly nibbles on her fries like a kid.
“I thought about it and parang tropa lang talaga si Tan for me, we tried and we gave it a shot. I really liked him pero kasi he’s also planning to move schools na rin since his family’s moving back to Kalinga. I don’t think I can handle a long distance relationship.”
Serene hums.
“Is that something we should celebrate about or is this one of those moments na sasamahan na kitang malasing for the first time?”
Jace throws a fry towards her direction. “Hindi mo naman ako katulad na alak ang takbuhan sa mga panahong heart broken. Plus as much as I want to say na I loved him I don’t think it got to that point yet. I’m sad na we had to end things pero kasi I see him still as a great friend. I may have lost a lover pero I still have a friend.”
“Don’t worry Jace, you’ll find someone better for you.”
Jace looks straight right into Serene’s eyes.
“Sana nga.”
Their bond grew even stronger after the summer break avoidance incident. None of them ever mentioned why it happened all they know is that they made it through. Jace is back as Serene’s one call away friend but this time she’s also doubling her efforts to be there for Jace. They’ve also been spending so much time together even if their schedules rarely match.
Most of the time Jace waits for Serene’s class to end at ihahatid niya ito pauwi and ang ending madalas tuloy nasa bahay nila si Jace. This time though Serene is determined to stay at Jace’s place and do a nice act for her.
“So I was thinking, since hindi makakapunta sila tita this week sa condo mo I’ll cook for you,” Serene announces as she buckles her seatbelt.
Halos 6 na ng gabi ng matapos class niya while Jace had her last class ng mga 3 PM. Piniling hintayin ni Jace si Serene sa library kaysa hayaang ito mag-commute mamaya pauwi. She was able to do most of her requirements naman kaya hindi na rin naman bad thing na hinihintay niya lagi si Serene. Kung hindi pa siya mag-dl sa kaaaral while waiting for her friend hindi niya na alam kung ano pa kailangan niya gawin.
“You don’t have to.”
“I’ve already decided. Dadaan muna tayo grocery though kasi for sure wala ka na namang ingredients sa unit mo.”
“Sige, onti na lang iisipin ng mga tao ikaw talaga may-ari ng unit ko eh.”
Jace starts the engine while Serene sets up the car’s GPS with the nearest grocery as their destination using Jace’s phone.
“Impossible mas iniisip pa ng mga tao na same tayo ng bahay with the amount of times na you’ve been to my house and halos dun ka na matulog araw-araw.”
“Kasalanan ko bang ayaw ako lagi pauwiin ni tita?”
Serene rolls her eyes. “No and no one’s saying naman na it’s a bad thing. We like having you in our house kaya.”
“Exactly, lagi pang libre dinner ko.”
Their grocery shopping trip feels like a well practiced routine. Jace goes to grab the cart first while Serene begins to mentally list all the things she’ll be needing. Serene would then say out loud what she’ll need and Jace leads them as she pushes the cart to wherever the ingredient will be. All Serene needs to do is point and Jace grabs it for her in an instant.
Upon checking out the items Jace was about to get her wallet when Serene stops her.
“I got it na.”
“But you’ll be the one cooking kaya ako na magbabayad.”
“It’s my idea kaya ako na.”
“But,” Jace pouts.
“You can wash the dishes if you really feel like you need to do something in exchange, and you have to be there the whole time while I cook, no video games for you.”
Jace nods her head in defeat. She also grabs the bags from Serene’s hands and proceeds to hold her friend’s now free hand.
“Tara na, gutom na ako.”
Serene silently stews over her thoughts. She couldn’t get over the fact that Jace held her hand deliberately. Hindi naman nila first time mag-hold hands but she couldn’t ignore the fact that Jace went out of her way to take the bags she was already holding so that she could hold her hand instead. She loves Jace’s chivalry pero at times like this sinusumpa niya ang mundo kung bakit ba ang bait ng friend niya.
How will she know if Jace is just being nice or if she’s doing it because she likes her?
“Ano nga ulit lulutuin mo?”
Serene hasn’t realized that they already made it inside Jace’s unit. She hears the door click and sees Jace holding all the bags of the ingredients they’ve bought earlier. She walks straight to the kitchen and puts the bags there.
“Do you want me to chop anything?”
Jace tilts her head as she carefully studies Serene.
“Are you okay Serene? If ayaw mong magluto that’s perfectly fine we can just order in.”
Serene snaps out of her thoughts.
“No, I’ll cook. We already got the ingredients medyo pagod lang talaga ata ako kaya I was spacing out.”
“Are you sure? We really don’t have to if you’re tired.”
Jace has this worried look on her face that Serene can’t help but adore.
“I’m sure.”
Like they talked about, Serene cooked while Jace quietly observed. Jace’s usually by the TV playing on her switch but she chose to stay sa may kitchen kahit wala naman siyang ginagawa because Serene wouldn’t let her help. Serene would catch Jace staring at her and usually she would call out the other girl para lang asarin but this time she can’t. She wants Jace to see her.
She wants to keep Jace’s attention on her.
Why do I want it though? Serene thought.
Saan nga ba tatakbo ang isang katulad ni Serene na hindi na alam ang gagawin? Edi sa best friend niya pero dun sa isa pa hindi dun sa taong nagiging rason ng sakit ng ulo niya.
“Sab,” Serene whines.
Binaba ni Sab ang phone niya at tinignan ng mabuti si Serene. “O ano nanaman ba ang problema mo?”
“I think I like Jace but I don’t want to.”
“Dahil kaibigan mo siya?”
“Hindi, kasi baka hindi niya ako gusto. What if she’s being nice lang pala?”
Sab sighs. “How would you know if hindi ka naman aamin?”
“Ewan ko.”
“You’ve secured your friendship with Jace, even if you think na hindi ka niya gusto you know that she’s not the type of person na magbabago because of how you feel.”
Sab has read her mind. That’s one of her biggest fears, that everything will change once she admits that she likes Jace. Sab’s right though Jace is nothing like that. Jace has always been the easy-going type of person and even if hindi niya man i-reciprocate yung feelings ni Serene then she’ll be fine. Pero pano nga kung ganon? Pano nga if hindi rin pala talaga siya gusto ni Jace kakayanin niya ba yun?
Hindi alam ni Serene kung kaya niya bang matanggap na hindi siya gugustuhin ni Jace.
Serene’s always been a calculated risk taker though. She’s done going around in circles wondering about the what-ifs. Jace may be an unknown equation but she’s a risk she’s willing to take.
Jace as usual waits patiently for Serene so she could bring her home. Serene seemed off as soon as she entered her friend’s car. She was silent the whole ride but Jace has never really been the type to push Serene for answers. She waits and sees until Serene is ready.
When they got to Serene’s house though it seemed like she was ready to explode.
She did.
Serene lets it out in one breath. “Jace, I’ve been thinking about things for a long time now. I’ve been weighing it a lot in my head but I’m done arguing with myself and so I want to say it. I like you so much, you make me so happy. Something I never thought I could feel again with someone, especially with what happened the last time. She made me so happy but she hurt me in the end. I’m scared but you’re worth getting hurt for Jace. I’m not expecting anything in return but I wanted you to know. If you need space away from me then I will gladly give that to you but please don’t push me away.”
She couldn’t look at Jace’s face when she admitted her feelings. Matapang siya pero hindi siya ganon katapang she wouldn’t be able to say how she feels if she saw Jace’s face. When she sees Jace’s face she knows she made the right call because she cannot figure out what’s going on in her friend’s head. None of it seemed good though.
Serene places her hand on the handle, afraid of Jace’s silence. “I think I’ll go inside now, I have to study for my exams tomorrow.”
Before Serene completely closes the door, Jace speaks up, “Tomorrow.”
“What?”
“Tomorrow, I’ll let you know how I feel. I’m going to let you go inside ‘cause it seems like you really have to study. I already know how I feel but I’ll tell you tomorrow. Good night, Serene.”
Serene finally closes the door. She feels a heavy weight on her chest as she goes through the motion of entering her house. She stares at the empty space of their living room contemplating her life choices. She can’t figure out if she’s made the right decision and Jace didn’t give enough hints for her to think about either.
That night she went to sleep not knowing what tomorrow will bring her.
Even if Jace has the habit of dropping Serene home from school she barely picks her up considering na mas maaga ang classes niya compared to her friend. That morning though as soon as Serene steps out from the gate she sees Jace patiently waiting outside her car. She has a serious look painted on her face that Serene wishes she could miss school today and just hide in her room.
As Serene steps closer to her, Jace's lips suddenly form into a giddy smile.
“I like you too.”
After almost 2 years of missed chances that’s how their story finally began.