Chapter Text
Soft, spaced notes resonate on the piano. The windows are open, and the lazy early afternoon breeze flows through the room. The fingers pressing the keys sound hesitant despite the familiar melody. Finally, he sighs and gives up.
Then the doors slam open, because Baekbeom seems to be physically incapable of doing anything discreetly.
- Baekhyun, how long are you going to keep pretending you don't see my hurt? Helping me with my bags is the least you can do to at least pretend you'll miss me.
Baekhyun turns to face his older brother with a small smile, but without responding. Baekbeom walks over and puts his arm around his shoulders.
- Let's go. - Murmurs. As if knowing the other is sad, but still refusing to acknowledge it.
Baekhyun makes a noise in protest, but gets up to follow him. The two walk to Baekbeom's room, which was in the familiar mess at the beginning of the semester.
- And will you stop pretending that you didn't call me just because you wanted my help? Look at this mess, you had a whole month to clean it all up.
Baekbeom let out a jovial laugh and ignored him, folding clothes after clothes that somehow should fit into the small, worn brown suitcase on the bed. Throughout the room, clothes and books took over the furniture. It was the end of another summer, and Baekbeom would return to the college where he lived for the entire school year. And he didn't even spend the whole summer at home. He usually traveled with friends or his girlfriend, Saerom, and returned during the last two weeks of the vacation. That year, he only returned for the last one.
Baekyun stared at the pile of textbooks that he tried unsuccessfully to stuff into the other open suitcase on the floor.
- Why all this books, it's not possible that you'll actually use all of it... - He grumbled as he pushed the copy of Histology and Cellular Biology, with its pages yellowed and crumpled from so much use, as if it would fall apart at any moment.
- Uh huh, be very careful with that runt - Baekbeom crossed the room in the blink of an eye and took the book from his brother's hand to tidy it himself. - This is a precious thing, don't you dare ruin it. You will understand this when you grow up and start dedicating yourself to your future like me. Or should it be, right? You are already in your second year. - He looked at him with his eyebrows raised and a judgmental look. Baekhyun just snorted.
- Not everyone is a first-class nerd like you. - The answer was a pillow in the face. - Hey!
- Okay, sorry, I was just trying to talk about your course. You never talk about it with me, I wanted to know how it's going, that's all. - He stopped Baekhyun from retaliating by changing the subject, in that older brother's way. - Are you going to tell me that you're not excited at all?
Baekhyun sighed, going back to stacking the medical books. It wasn't the first time he'd had this conversation, nor the second nor the third. With his brother, with his father and mother, with the presumputous friends who were sometimes invited to dinner at the Byun's house, even with the nosy neighbor. Baekhyun felt like he gave a different answer every time he was asked, and the only thing he was sure of was that it was always a lie.
- It's just not the same as it is for you, that's all. I stay on track and always get good grades, I don't know why everyone keeps pestering me about it.
- It's not that, Hyun, it's just worry. You always seem so distant now, you weren't like that before, I wanted to know if it was because of that...
Baekhyun tried hard to keep his facial expression neutral and not let his frustration show. Baekbeom was at the top of his class since elementary school. He had won a acclaimed scholarship the moment he graduated from school, was praised by all his teachers and already had his master's degree, doctorate and years of research planned in detail. Because this was Baekbeom. And that was the only reason his parents had allowed him to move to the other side of the country to study a course that they did not approve of. And Baekhyun didn't feel jealous, or anything like that. But that wasn't him. And because of that, what was left was law school, following the years-old wish that the parents had for both children: taking over their grandfather's revered law firm.
- It's okay hyung, it's serious. It's just difficult, and tiring at times. -And, because he still couldn't stop his impulsiveness, he added. - It's not like you really know anyway, you're not even here most of the time.
Baekbeom stared at him for a few seconds before his expression turned irritated.
- I know you would get out of here at the first opportunity if you could too, it's not my fault that I had the brains to achieve this on my own and you didn't.
An uncomfortable silence hovered in the room. Baekhyun decided not to respond and continued to stack books. After a while, Baekbeom sighed.
- Sorry. Hyun, I'm sorry. You're right, I have no right to talk like that.
- All good. - The youngest replied, still without looking at him.
- Oh that's it, come here. - Baekbeom approached and forced a hug, making Baekhyun let out a smile. - It's my last day here and you're going to sulk like that?
Baekhyun laughed and returned the hug. The two picked up their bags and walked to the entrance of the house, where the large wooden doors were wide open. On the gray stone floor there was a black car parked, trunk open. The parents were already waiting for them, Mr. Byun with a solemn expression analyzing the sky and Mrs. Byun looking like she was about to cry at any moment.
They loaded the bags into the car with the help of the driver, and Baekhyun watched Baekbeom go forward and say goodbye to his parents. Mr. Byun first gave him a firm hug with a few pats on the back, and told him to take care of himself. He was in full uniform, as he always seemed to be, the medals hanging from his chest jingling and demanding respect. His face didn't seem to show any specific emotion, perhaps wondering how long it would take before he could withdraw again. The sight of the family together was something rare in the Byun household, limited to Baekbeom's visits and occasional dinners with the couple's friends.
Mrs. Byun burst into sobs the moment her gaze met her eldest son's.
- Oh my love, I can't believe it's already gone, it went by so quickly… Promise to visit more often! In October we will have a charity dinner, try to show up! Or on your father's birthday...
Every year she begged and tried to make plans for Baekbeom to visit them, and every year he only showed up once, on the infamous summer lightning visit.
They hugged each other for considerably longer than he had with Mr. Byun, despite Baekbeom's clumsy and rigid posture being the same. He smiled and told his mother not to worry. Baekhyun was still leaning against the car, watching the scene in silence. Finally, the brother struggled to free himself from his mother and approached his brother. They smiled and hugged each other without saying anything. Baekbeom let go and stroked Baekhyun's brown hair, just like his.
As he finished packing his bags and got into the car, Baekhyun stood next to his parents at the top of the stone stairs. Baekbeom waved and got into the car. He buckled up and, before the car left, he looked once again at the Byuns' elegant residence. It wasn't a mansion, much less did it have servants, but it was the kind of house where you could tell the owners had money at just one glance. The family that stared back at him was beautiful, with an upright posture and expensive clothes. An admired general, a beautiful former actress, and the adorable youngest. The portrait that the whole city envied.
Baekhyun noticed that that last look was also always the same, every year. He analyzed the house and the figures as if to keep them in his memory for the several months before they would see each other again. And yet, without even a hint of affection. In fact, he seemed almost relieved to see the shadows of the house in which he grew up and spent most of his life grow smaller and smaller, and to remember the miles and miles of distance that separated it all from his new life.
When the car was finally too far away to be seen, Mr. Byun was the first to quickly walk back to his office. Mrs. Byun still looked inconsolable and slowly walked to the kitchen. And Baekhyun sighed, alone again.
***
Kyungsoo watched Chanyeol drop nails for the fourth time. He had been repeating the same process for a few minutes, starting to pack the boxes, getting distracted halfway through and starting to play with the contents, until he dropped something on the floor and woke up from the trance, repeating everything from the beginning. Kyungsoo had spent those same minutes fighting an internal struggle between asking what was wrong or just strangling the other. Finally, he decided to be nice.
-Chanyeol- He started by holding the other's wrist and forcing him to stop and look at him. - Are you okay? Look, if you want to talk, I'm here to listen, but if you don't stop this shit we're going to have serious problems.
That seemed to wake the other up. Sitting at the counter, Chanyeol was unpacking the boxes that arrived in the morning, but since he entered the store he had been looking lost, carrying out his tasks with that crease in his eyebrows that he had when he was worried about something.
- Oh sorry. It's nothing, no need to worry. - He got up from the chair and picked up the boxes, climbing the ladder behind him, and starting to put the new merchandise on the shelves.
Kyungsoo watched him with a frown. For someone so sentimental, it was difficult to get things out of Chanyeol sometimes. But his intuition told him it was something serious, so he continued with caution.
- Are you sure? I don't want to pry, but you haven't done anything right since you arrived this morning. -The other continued what he was doing in silence. - If you don't want to tell me, I think you should get some rest. I'll finish here, there's not much left.
He heard a sigh, and Chanyeol went down the ladder, returning to sit on the wooden stool he was on before. After a few moments, he decided to open up.
- It's Yoora. She's pregnant.
Kyungsoo took a while to respond, trying to understand the reason for the other's discouragement.
- Congratulations! Sorry, wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? Tell her I'm happy for them.
- Yeah, that's great. -Chanyeol said in a hoarse voice, as if it were stuck in his throat. - I mean, it's not her fault. I'm just worried about how we're going to get through this year.
Kyungsoo's voice also became quieter.
- I thought your father was getting better...
- We all thought so. But we went to the doctor yesterday and he said this is probably as far as his recovery will go. He can do everything on his own, but he can't force himself to do anything more than is necessary. He is in no condition to work like that.
Kyungsoo was silent. Everyone knew about Chanyeol's father's situation. He was the owner of the hardware store where they both worked, known and loved by everyone in the neighborhood. Until he signed up for war. He never complained, quite the contrary, he always said that the greatest honor there is for a man is to fight for his people. But when he returned without his left leg, life for the Park family became profoundly difficult.
The Parks, like most residents of the southern region of the city, have always had financial difficulties. But that never stopped them from finding happiness in each other, or from Chanyeol and Yoora having a childhood full of happy memories. After her father was unable to take care of the store, Chanyeol left school to help. He was a freshman in high school at the time, and never went back. After a few years, Yoora married a baker's son, equally poor as them. She had a son, and they all lived together in the Parks' small house.
Chanyeol spent day after day worried about his family's future. Mrs. Park already had enough problems taking care of the house, Mr. Park and helping Yoora with the child. The once cheerful Mr. Park sank deeper and deeper into his own dissatisfaction, and drank almost every night. And now Yoora was pregnant again. The money she earned from the store was just enough so that nothing was missing, but it also didn't allow anyone to even dream of anything more, much less Chanyeol, who gave up his entire life to take care of his family.
- I'm sorry, Chanyeol, I'm really sorry. If there's anything I can do...
- No, it's okay Soo. I've thought about this a lot, I think about it every day and there's no other alternative. But it's a solution that will help everyone.
- You don't mean...Chanyeol, are you going to enlist?
Chanyeol had a thoughtful expression and just nodded. Kyungsoo wanted to protest, but it didn't seem fair. He knew that Chanyeol felt extremely responsible for the entire family, but that he hadn't even completed high school to go get a job in the city center. And in the store, all their customers were residents of the same neighborhood, so the profit they made was minimal. There really seemed to be no other alternative.
That night, Chanyeol slowly walked home, trying to postpone his arrival and, consequently, having to talk about the fateful subject.
He took a deep breath of the cold night air. He walked around observing the neighborhood where he lived all his life. The small school where he had not graduated, the bridge over the lake where he had fallen on his first bicycle, the bakery where he and Yoora would escape to between classes to eat the famous stuffed breads, and where his sister would later meet Jiho, who she got married to. The hardware store, once run by his father, now has a slightly abandoned appearance. Finally, he stopped in front of Mr. Choi's music store. How much time he spent in front of the window, dreaming about the guitar displayed at the back of the store, the biggest consumer dream he had ever had. When he was a teenager, and anything seemed possible, he spent every day at the store, fantasizing about what instruments he would buy when he had enough money, and what kind of musician he would become when he grew up. Now, everything seemed very far away.
Sighing, Chanyeol forced himself to keep walking. Some time ago, he would be very upset with the thoughts he was having. But now, it was as if he lived on automatic. If it was what he needed to do for his family to live well and happily, then he would do it without thinking twice. He would learn to live with his own disappointments, become a responsible adult, and leave his dreams and daydreams for another life.
He opened the door to his house without his usual enthusiasm, but forcing a smile. His mother gave him a weak smile, as if she already knew what he was thinking, and helped him take off his coat.
- How are you, my son? You're hungry, do you want me to make something for you?
- No need, mom, I'm fine. - He gave her a kiss on the forehead and went to the living room. Jiho hadn't returned yet, and Yoora was sitting on the couch, helping her son with his homework. Jisoo was 5 years old and was sitting on the carpet, obediently writing on the paper resting on the coffee table. Chanyeol affectionately stroked the boy's hair and sat on the opposite sofa, facing the two.
In the center of the room, mr. Park was sitting in his usual armchair. The brothers joked that it must have a hole in the shape of the older man, since he spent so much time sitting there. He never laughed at the joke.
- Hello, dad. How are you? - Chanyeol greeted. Mr. Park stared at the fireplace with rigid eyes without expressing any reaction. At that point, no one really knew what was wrong with Mr. Park, and it's not like they have the money to pay for a consultation. They didn't even know where there would be a head doctor in the southern neighborhood.
- There hasn't been much change here. - Yoora came forward, with her characteristic sweet smile. But her eyes held concern as she looked at her younger brother. - Are you well?
Chanyeol was silent for a few minutes. He knew he couldn't hide it for long. The documents he needed to sign had been in his room for a week. He intended to send it that very night. Sooner or later, he would have to face the truth.
- Yoora - He cleared his throat. - I'm going to enlist. I've decided already. Nothing you say will change my mind.
Yoora had a desolate expression. Mrs. Park immediately stopped stirring the pot, but did not utter a single word. Jisoo and Mr. Park continued what they were doing.
- Are you sure, Chan? There’s no need to rush, I was going to tell Jiho to enlist this week…
- Yoora.
- He's older than you!
-Noona. He needs to stay here, with Jisoo and the baby. They need him, you need him.
- And you think I don't need you?
Upon hearing this, Chanyeol fell silent. Yoora took several deep breaths. Mrs. Park cried silently and continued stirring the pot.
- Sorry, Chan. This is all my fault.
-Noona. - Chanyeol walked to his sister and hugged her. - It's not your fault, never say that. I'm doing this for all of us. I'm glad I could do something to help.
- I know. But I wish there was another way. - Yoora hugged him back, almost suffocating him.
- Aha! That is honor, show it son, show that you are a man and that you will honor my name...
Everyone stared wide-eyed at Mr. Park, who had suddenly spoken, scaring the others. His eyes were still lost in the fireplace, his mouth twisting in the shadow of a humorless smile. After speaking he coughed a few times and became silent again.
That night, Chanyeol took the completed documents to the mailbox at the end of the dark and deserted street. He watched with regret as the papers slid away and disappeared, feeling that he was depositing much more than just documents in there.