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Grief was comfortable. He was lying in Andrey’s arms. God the man was warm, he exuded heat like a fucking oven. This was nice. Andrey was nice. He had almost fallen asleep but something was gnawing at him. This, whatever it was between them, had been going on for a while. They met, they fucked, they slept. They met, they fucked, they slept. Rinse and repeat. Grief would leave every morning usually before breakfast. They’d meet again and as if nothing had happened they’d continue the cycle.
Grief wanted more. Desperately. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy what they had, God knows he did, but fuck he wanted more. Anything. More time with Andrey. More affection. More hugs. More kisses. More.
He felt greedy. It was a weird feeling. New. To crave someone so much.
“Want to have dinner?” he asked looking up at Andrey from his place on his chest.
“Are you hungry little rat?” he seemed surprised if a bit amused “Did I not satisfy you?”
Oh he had been nothing if not satisfied. Andrey was a great lover. A fantastic one even. Not that Grief had a lot to compare him to but he had made hime feel things he couldn’t have even pictured existed.
“No, no.” he hurried to say “This was good. Great. You’re great.” he sat up and leaned against the headboard. Andrey leaned his head against his soldier and slowly kissed up to his neck. The kisses felt intoxicating. Shit. Grief shivered halting his words.
“No please don’t let me stop you.” Andrey smirked in that stupid fucking way of his. Grief wanted to kiss that smirk off his face. “Do continue singing my praises” he continued kissing his neck moving to straddle his lap.
“I believe I’ve stroked enough of you tonight to not need to stroke your ego too. Don’t get your head in the clouds” he pushed him slightly on the shoulder.
“Ouch, you wound me” The man fell dramatically on the side, laughing all the while. God Grief was an idiot. This was the man he had fallen for. He truly was fucked. This beautiful captivating creature that was currently lying on him laughing.
Grief would sacrifice anything to hear that laugh every morning. To wake up to the sound of it. To sleep to the sound of it. Grief craved intimacy with Andrey. Not just sex but domesticity. Making breakfast, eating lunch together, spending time together, going on dates. Building a routine. Something comfortable.
What the fuck had Andrey done to him?
Lara would laugh if she could see how domesticated he was right now. But she couldn’t, so who cared anyways.
“What I meant is we should go out, together.” this took more courage than he had anticipated. “To dinner or lunch or something” the tone of his voice almost verged on begging
Emotional things were not Grief’s strong suit, but he had already let far too many relationships, platonic or otherwise, slip right through his fingers without doing or saying anything. He wouldn’t fucking do it again. Andrey was the best thing that had happened to him in a while. He wanted more.
“Why would we do that?” Andrey had now sat up and was staring at him perplexed. Grief couldn’t quite read his expression. This wasn’t going how he had hoped.
“Well, I like you. I want to spend time with you” that was the truth of it. Stripped to the bone he liked Andrey. A lot.
“You like me?” Andrey laughed as if the very notion was absurd.
Grief was annoyed now. Fuck Andrey he obviously liked him and the other reciprocated. He wouldn’t have been spending time with him otherwise. Grief had been witness to what happened to people Andrey didn’t like.
“Is that not obvious?” Andrey sighed at that “We can take the next step or something.”
Andrey approached him slowly and settled himself over him. His green eyes looking straight at Grief’s. Fuck he was pretty. The eyelashes framing his eyes were perfect, the way he turned his head to the side slightly was perfect, the quirk on his lips was perfect, even the wrinkles on his eyes, a sign of shame and ugliness on most was perfect on Andrey. He was perfect.
He was staring at him as if he was searching for something. As if he could see right through his face deep into his thoughts and the intentions of his words. Grief could easily be convinced that Andrey could. The man was already unworldly, being able to read his intentions or thoughts wasn’t that much of a stretch.
“We have something good, why mess with it?” Andrey asked finally a rare gravity to his voice “This is fun, why should risk fucking it up, hmm?”
Oh, so that’s how this would go. Grief felt his heart clench.
“We don’t really see each other outside of this” he hesitated “I don’t know I thought it might have been fun”
Andrey looked at him smiling. Not the amused easy smile he usually sent his way. It was unnerving, almost threatening in its sharpness. He looked as if he could snap at him at any moment. He hadn’t looked at him in that way before. “Oh you’re funny!” Andrey laughed. “You’re joking right?” It wasn’t even a question. Almost a statement, leaving no room for a negative answer.
“Yeah, you caught me” There was no point. Grief laughed, he couldn’t help it. This was so fucking funny. Of course it wouldn’t actually work. Why the hell did he ever think it would?
“Funny, you got me there, sweetheart. Almost fell for it. Very convincing.” His smile softened. “But never do that again, you might give me a heart attack”
That was that. Andrey was done talking about it and it was obvious. Grief had learned the hard way not to push the man when he got like this. He lied back on him. This would have to be enough then. He could deal with this being enough.
It was on him for hoping.