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Troy dances. It's not something he's really proud of, but in the safety of the dance class room, and with to threatening to beat up his classmates if they tell anyone, Troy feels comfortable expressing himself in this medium. This room was his escape from the pressures of having to appear masculine, he could just do whatever cause there's like 5 other guys in tights in here. And dancing made Troy better at typically masculine stuff, like football, and dancing with girls, and swiftly avoiding people in the halls. It's his newest favourite activity, so it's really threw him off when he sees Britta coming in as his class is just ending. He notices her and laughs at her dumb dance outfit before realising he's in his own dumb dance outfit still.
“Oh my god.” They both say in unison, before Britta grabs his arm and drags him to the ballet barre.
“Troy, since when have you taken modern dance?” She asks, her eyes confused and clear of her blonde hair that pulled back.
“Since last semester. Coach told me it would help with my coordination.” Troy explains, his arms moving around flusteredly. “And I fell in love with it, in a very straight way.”
Britta nods, rolling her eyes at that assertion of straightness. She's dated enough closeted gay guys to know the signs. Her eyes begin trailing down as Troy explains how straight it is. It makes Troy uncomfortable, he frowns at her.
“I know it's tempting to sneak a peek,” Troy points down, and then back up at his face. “But I'm gonna need for you to keep your eyes up here.”
“I should never have dismissed you as a shallow jock.” Britta quickly switches between being overly empathetic to calculating. “Then again, we haven't really spent much time together.”
“That's because you don't play football or have fun.” Troy states, not really wanting her to Britta this for him.
“I have fun tap dancing.” She says, trying to open up to him a bit. “I started last semester too.”
“it's something I always wanted to do, but it was too embarrassing,” she shrugs sadly, looking away from his face for a moment. “So I never told anyone.”
Troy looks at her with bewilderment. It seems like dancing means similar things for Britta that it does to him. Maybe she gets it, the weird feelings one can only express through moving to music.
“Same here.” Troy says, his anxious grip on the ballet bar lessening for a moment before the worries flood back in.
Jeff and Pierce would make fun of him, maybe even Annie and Shirley. And then Abed would probably compare him to some celebrity or tv dude who dance and is secretly gay. Not that Troy is secretly gay. And not that dancing means your gay. But what if they thought he was? What if everyone knew he was?
“Britta, nobody can know about this.” Troy looks into her eyes deeply, thoughts swarming his head as he begs her.
“Troy, who are we kidding?” Troy goes to look away but she just leans back into his field of sight, drawing him back in. “Look at how much time and energy we’re putting into hiding something that we’re passionate about. We are living a double life.”
“I am spending a lot of money on breakaway clothing.” Troy sighs, actually considering coming out as a dancer. Still, he's not sure about it. What if they take it as him coming out a different way? A way that he's totally not.
“We should look at this as an opportunity to come clean.” Britta suggest encouragingly, smiling at him like they're plotting a scheme together.
“Are you saying we tell the group?” Troy asks her, not really believe she wants to do this, Pierce will totally call her a lesbian again if they do that. “Together?”
“We could invite them to the dance recital on Friday!” Britta is beaming at him now, pleading him to agree with her very blue and large eyes.
Troy scoffs, looking anywhere but at her as he thinks a million contradicting thoughts. “Man, I don't know. Let me think about it.”
Troy release the ballet barre from his vice like grip, only to bring his leg up to rest on it. This has been making him think more clearly since the first warm up. He rubs his hand up and down his shin to try and soothe himself while stretching out over the barre, thinking about her offer. The backlash could be worth it, there's no promise that they'll react the way he wishes, but he's sure they'll be nicer about it since Britta is also coming out. After a moment he sighs, still not looking at her as he agrees to tell the others.
It's after Jeff walks in with Slater that Britta turns to look at Troy with that look. Everyone's in the study room now, gathered up on the couches to hang out before the next bell. Britta nods and grabs his hand as she begins to speak, both of them hoping the hot seat will remain on Jeff for being in a relationship with a teacher.
“Hey, everybody, speaking of secrets, Troy and I have something that we’d like to announce.” Britta smiles at the group, speaking softly.
Annie gasps with a lot more shock that Troy thought she would, but Britta is immediately shaking her head to assure her.
“No, no.” Britta laughs, and it hurts Troy's ego a little that she'd laugh at the idea of them being together, he's awesome and could totally date her if he wanted to.
“There is a dance recital on Friday, and I would be honoured if you guys would attend. Because since last semester, I…” she pauses, taking a deep breath as she looks at Troy expectantly.
All he can do is stare at her with wide eyes, trying not to let it show how fucking scared he is of this. She just keeps looking at him for a few moments, not getting what she wants out of him.
“I have been taking a tap class.” She's finally says it, and Troy scans the others for their reactions to it.
Annie and Shirley immediately giggle a little bit, Abed's face scrunched up in confusion and tilts a little like it does when he thinks.
“That's funny.” Shirley comments just as Troy is about to open his own mouth, but he keeps it closed as Britta has to start defending herself.
“Well, I don't know how funny it is.” She crosses her arms tightly across her chest, avoiding looking at any one person for too long as they all start to stare at her and laugh.
“Come on, we’re not making fun of you,” Jeff can barely contain his laughter, his words split up by small huffs here and there. “But, obviously, you kept this a secret because you saw the irony too.”
“Irony?” Britta looks disgusted by his amusement of this, but all this conversation is doing is making Troy feel small.
“Well, you're not typically a vulnerable or femine person.” Troy looks at Abed as he begins to explain the comedic irony of masculine people dancing. “And the act of dancing is considered both vulnerable and feminine.”
“I disagree.” Britta says, but Troy is taking it in less and less as his friends bicker about dancing being vulnerable and feminine. “What about Fred Astaire? What about Baryshnikov?”
“Yeah. I guess?” Annie wanes unsurely.
“There are exceptions to the rule. But even when Jerry Rice went on Dancing with the stars–” Jeff tries to explain, being cut off by Pierce before he can finish.
“Jerry Rice? Oh my god.” Pierce sighs and shakes his head disappointedly. “Oh, I liked him.”
Troy looks down at his lap, at his dumb tearaway pants over his dumb dance tights, stuck in the same few spiralling thoughts. What if they thought he was gay? What if they thought less of him cause they think he's gay? What if they don't want to be his friends anymore? What if he is gay and they all know it after today when he doesn't even know himself?
“Troy, what's your secret?” Shirley asks him softly with that sing-song voice of hers, his head snapping up to look up at her like a deer in the headlights.
He looks away, his throat feels dry as he swallows hard. He mutters over the beginning of his sentence, only able to get small sounds out for a moment or two. He closes his eyes and takes a quick breath before he looks back up.
“My secret is that I knew Britta’s secret.” He not so quickly lies to all his friends, stumbling over his words with ease and grace.
Abed gives an exaggerated gasp, Troy can almost swear it's supposed to be sarcastic. Weird. But then Troy looks at Britta, and she's giving him a sad look of rejection, quickly turning to a steely glare that is boring holes into his skull.
“Yeah I saw her in her dance outfit and she looked ridiculous.” Troy laughs nervously, looking at the smiles on his friends faces at his attempt to keep the hot seat on her now. “So I helped protect her shame.”
“You know, I'm just glad she's out now.” Troy trails off, swallowing hard as he zones into the coffee table between the two couches. “Bravo, Britta.”
“Thanks.” She sounds angry with him, and she should be, but Troy can live with her being angry, he can't live with everyone thinking his feminine and vulnerable.
The dean walks in to confront Jeff about his relationship with Slater just in time for the hot seat to be back in the ex-lawyer/con-man. Troy couldny be more thankful for Jeffs messy love life as their meeting comes to an end and they start to leave. Troy tries to out pace Britta, but she catches him just as he's about to exit the study room.
“Hey! What the hell!” She scolds him as he turns around to face her like a man. “I thought we were supposed to come out to the group together.”
“Yeah. I changed my mind.” Troy tries to play it off casually.
“Well, they're gonna find out that you dance at the recital.” Britta reminds him.
Troy thinks fast though, often stupidly, but still fast. “I'm not going to the recital. I'm dropping the class.”
He regrets it as soon as he says it. He regrets even agreeing to invite the others too, because then he wouldn't have had to drop the class.
“Oh my god. How can you do this to me?” Britta looks betrayed, and she sounds like she's going to cry. “I'm so disappointed in you.”
“Hey! You don't get to talk to me that way. You are not Shirley.” Troy practically yells it at her, pausing when he realises what he just said. “And Shirley's not my mom.”
“Britta, it's not like we're in the same boat. Girls are supposed to dance, but I would be going from starting quarterback to a guy that twirls around in tights.” Troy tries desperately to explain that this is a part of him that he's not ready for their friends to see, that this is a secret no one can know about. “I've got more to lose getting up on that stage, because I'm a man.”
“Well, guess what?” Britta voice shakes a little before she seems to have gathered herself. “A real man doesn't bail on his friends, or on himself.”
“You're a dancer, Troy.” Britta smiles, gently grabbing his hands in front of them. “It's who you are.”
Troy takes a deep breath, pulling away from her with a frown. “Not anymore.”
With that he walks away, out of the library and to his next class. She doesn't get it. She might not ever get it. There's so much at risk for him. His whole masculinity is on the line. In his dad's house you have to be a man, you can't be vulnerable because that means your weak, and weak people don't belong in the Barnes household. It took serious guys for Troy to even sign up for the class, let alone show up. And then Britta just comes in and messes it all up with her progressive attitude and radical acceptance of others.
Troy decides to avoid the rest of the study group as much as he can, keeping quiet during meetings, dodging whole sections of buildings just to avoid any of their odd looks. Especially Abed's, his had been the strangest since his reaction to Britta coming out as a dancer, it's like he can peel back the layers of Troys words, seeing the deeper meaning behind each action he takes. Like Abed has figured out some big secret Troy has that he doesn't even know about. So he is doubly avoiding Abed, and Pierce for the obvious reasons.
Abed noticed Troy being weird, avoiding him ever since Britta came out as a dancer. He didn't get why, he thought everyone already knew that Troy and Britta are in dance classes, and the flyers for the recital have been up for 13 days now. He's known about them dancing since he noticed a lot more of Troy's pants make the sound his own velcro shoes make, and he's been wearing more and more button and zip up hoodies. It's almost impossible for Abed to not notice these things when Troy is just so fascinating. Troy's expressions are so grand that they're easy for Abed to read, he lets Abed know when he takes their jokes too far, he should know that Abed would notice he dances. So why wouldn't Troy tell him out of everyone? Why did he tell Britta?
Then maybe it's the fact that Abed called it vulnerable and feminine when Britta came out as a dancer. Dancing is vulnerable and feminine, but that doesn't mean Abed would think less of him for it. He doesn't care what Troy does, just as long as he stays his friend. Besides, Troy is plenty masculine, and attractive given by the number of people who have come up to Abed to ask if his friend is single. Troy was perceived as a very strong, athletic, and masculine man. He’s great friend too. He thought Troy knew this, that Abed had made it abundantly clear. But apparently he hadnt done a good enough job of getting that part across, because he's sitting in the audience with everyone else, but the last flower, watching Britta choke on stage.
She just stands there doing the same tap move for three minutes, the flower dancer eagerly waiting to be watered. And then, when all hope of this performance being saved seems lost, Troy bounds up onto the stage, tearing away his pants to reveal a very skin tight black dance outfit. Abed can't tear his eyes away as Troy takes Brittas arm gently and starts to pour her over the flower. God, he’s hot, Abed thinks, pausing his internal camera to laugh to himself.
“I'm down hard, aren't I?” Abed thinks to himself.
“Yeah.” Abed says with a nod to himself, coming to terms with his crush on his best friend.
Troy begins to spin Britta as the music changes to something more modern and jazzy, stopping her and tearing away her costume. The audience gasps, Abed can't stop watching it. More specifically Troy. The way he moves is just so… so… he doesn't really know what else to call it other than mesmerising. He thinks about himself in Britta’s place for a moment, letting himself imagine the feeling of having Troy touching him the way he is touching her, to look at him like that, but he puts those thoughts away. Even if a Troy were to think of him in that way, it wouldn't be until a few more seasons have passed.
The dance ends with Troy facing away, and Abed has to force himself to look away from staring at Troy's butt. He manages to stand up from his chair only once Troy is out of sight backstage. He shuffles through his pockets for something he could give Troy. People usually give dancers flowers after, Abed would've brought him some had he known for sure that he was going to be here. He gets to the stairs for backstage and waits for Troy and Britta, a small arcade token in his palm as a gift for Troy instead of the usual flowers.
“Hi guys, that was really cool.” Abed gives them a small smile and wave as they walk towards him. “I wish I knew how to tap dance.”
“Oh. Thanks, Abed.” Britta smiles at him fondly. “its takes a lot of hard work, but you could take a class.”
“Hmm, pass.” Abed gives Troy a once over, swallowing hard as he holds out his palm to Troy, the coin gently resting there as an offering.
“Abed, what's this for?” Troy asks, picking up the coin, holding it up to examine it better.
“I didn't get you flowers on account of not knowing you were performing tonight. I really liked your dance, and thought you deserved something.” Abed explains, gesturing between himself and Troy. “We can go to the arcade sometime. On me. That's what the token means.”
Troy didn't know how to react when Abed said that to him. He didn't know why his heart kept slipping beats as Abed explained the small gift to him. He didn't know why Abed had said that he liked his dancing like that, and he didn't know why it's made his gut coil in an exciting way. What Troy did know is that he was agreeing to go to the arcade with Abed, where Abed is going to pay for everything, and then probably insist he stay the night. And now Troy doesnt know why he wants that to happen now more than anything. It doesn't matter though, Abed is walking past them now, leaving Troy with Britta, confused and conflicted.
“Troy, you alright?” She asks him with concern clear on her face.
“Yeah, I think so.” Troy says, hoping he sounds sure of himself.
“Okay. Well, if you need any advice on all that, I lived in New York, I know stuff.” Britta smiles, and Troy is bewildered.
“What does that even mean?” Troy questions her, not picking up on what she's putting down.
“You'll see, Troy. Trust me. You will see.” Britta smiles, patting him on the back. “Go catch up with the others.”
Troy runs out of the theatre, catching up with Pierce. The old man Pat's him on the back firmly, leaving his hand to rest as he guides Troy down the hall towards the main doors.
“That was great, Troy!” Pierce enthuses proudly. “And it's was such a creative way to tell the world your gay.”
“I'm not gay.” Troy smiles wearily at him.
“Really? You're not?”
Pierce’s confusion is making Troy uncomfortable. He's glad they got outside so quickly, because he's immediately getting a few feet of space so he can more effectively avoid and ignore the old guy for now. Troy has to go back to his dad's if Abed doesn't show up soon. Troy wonders whats even taking him so long in there. He heads backstage after asking Troy to the arcade, so Troy heads back inside the theatre, breaking into a run until he gets to the auditorium doors. He pauses to catch his breath before he cracks open the door to see Abed.
Abed is tap dancing on stage, and he's not half bad at it either, but Troy's not a tap dancer so what does he know. Abed finishes the dance, meaning Troy caught him by the end of it. He thanks the audience with a small bow, his head turning to Troy after with an inquisitive look. Troy gives him a small wave, his cheeks flush with the embarrassment of being caught watching someone when they didn't know. Abed looks back at him with a small smile gracing his face now, the corners of his lips lifting up more as he makes his way to Troy.
“Dancing is fun.” Abed tells him, and Troy nods.
“Yeah it is…” he stands there, looking at Abeds face, then at the tap shoes he's wearing. “You should return those before we go.”
Abed nods and sits on the stairs to untie his shoes, and Troy just stares at him, thinking about the implications of every word that's been said since he exited the stage. “I really liked your dance” and “The arcade. On me.” keep repeating over and over along with “I lived in New York. I know stuff” and “What a creative way to tell the world you're gay”. “
How could one dance recital unleash so many confusing thoughts? Troy asks himself, but before he can dive too into it Abed is standing again, facing him, and all that worry melts away into the background.
“Want to go watch Zombieland in my dorm room?” Abed asks him plainly.
“Uh, yes!” Troy goes in to do their handshake, and Abed meets him halfway.