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Taesan was down in the dumps to say the least. The day before was evaluation day which for any trainee was complete utter hell. He had practiced a piece of choreography with his fellow trainee group for at least three weeks. He still didn’t have it down. This was what he was afraid of.
Dancing was never his forte. Whereas other trainees had a strength, the only one that he deemed his own was creating music (which was what caused him to be plucked from his original Entertainment label). He knew at some point dancing would be his downfall.
He was in the practice room again, staring at himself in the mirror.
His bangs drenched in sweat, clothes clinging to his body. He had just finished dancing, attempting to perfect his moves but he still couldn’t get them right. He was tired, tired of dancing. He sunk into the floor for a moment. Back pressed into the cold mirror. He let himself regain his composure as his chest heaved up and down from exhaustion.
A boy walked into the room, a large duffel bag in his hand. His hair was pushed back into a baseball cap. Taesan watched the boy as he moved around the practice room with ease, getting his things situated. It was roughly midnight from the clock that hung above the door. Taesan didn’t think anyone else would be practicing at this hour.
The boy turned on a drill beat. It was something most would stray away from as a piece to dance to. He had peaked Taesan’s interest.
The boy bounced to the music, letting the rhythm course through his body before he moved his ligaments. As the song progresses, the boy moves sharply. It’s not practiced. He seems to be freestyling without any type of limitations. Taesan couldn’t help but be mesmerized. He couldn’t help but watch the boy dance as if no one’s watching until his eyes meets Taesan’s.
The boy jumps, rushing to turn off the music. “You scared me half to death!”
Taesan realized that his lack of acknowledging his presence might’ve been a little weird. He was finally caught up with his breathing. “Sorry.. I was just resting.” he spoke before moving from the spot he sat.
“By the way, you dance really well,” he continued. “A little too well.”
The boy rubbed the nape of his neck, chuckling softly. Now that they were face to face, Taesan looked down at the boy with a small grin. “My name is Sanghyeok… Lee Sangheyok but the name that they have me going by is Riwoo.” he told Taesan sheepishly.
“Han Dongmin.. They call me Taesan.” Taesan said to Riwoo.
They spent a moment talking, getting to know each other better. Riwoo had told Taesan about his fascination with dancing and Taesan did the same with his love for making music. The time had seemed to slip from them. It had been a while since Taesan got to enjoy someone’s company.
Riwoo spotted the clock overhead, glancing over at Taesan. “Hey.. You said you were struggling with dancing right?” he asked.
Taesan hunched over, looking through his practice bag. “Yeah..” he stopped before speaking again, “Why?”
Riwoo grabbed his bag, laying the strap on his shoulder. “Well, if you aren’t doing anything.. Maybe I could help you out sometimes? It’s up to you.”
Taesan wasn’t the type to ask for help (or depend on anyone for that matter). He looked down at the ground for a moment before speaking. He could feel Riwoo’s eyes burning a hole in his face. “I’ll think about it.” he answered.
Riwoo gave him a small nod before waving goodbye. He walked out of the practice room and faded into the void.
He left Taesan with a small personal battle. Accept getting help or continuously struggle on his own. Taesan’s mind wandered off to his most recent evaluation that prompted this whole ordeal in the first place.
It was early in the afternoon, Taesan had practiced a piece with his group and he felt as if he had done well. He wasn't the most confident but he was trying his best to succeed. There were dozens of other trainees in this same situation with him.
He found himself sitting in the evaluation waiting room with more people than he could count on his fingers. All of them waited for their turn to prove that their training was worth it. The air is thick with anxiety and dread. He could feel the weight of anticipation on his shoulders.
This wasn’t his first evaluation. In fact, he had experienced this time and time again given his years within Source Music.. It still never seemed to get any easier. Taesan watched as his peers flowed in and out of the halls until it was his turn. “Han Taesan?” A young woman with dark raven hair slicked into a neat ponytail called for him. He rose from his seat anxiously. She motioned for him to follow her into the room of the evaluators all sat together at a table draped in blue fabric and their iced coffee drinks leaving wet spots underneath the cups.
He stood in front of them, fidgeting with his fingers as they stared at him. “Good morning, Dongmin.” A familiar voice called to him. His dancer instructor, Hyunwoo. He personally taught the piece he had worked on and was often hard on Taesan.
Great.. Could this situation get any better?
He bowed politely to his seniors and before he knew it, the music played gently. He prepared himself. He took a breath and began to move to beat. This was the easiest part of the choreo; the beginning. He didn’t have much hardship until the ending of the song. He moved his body on beat until he found himself lost.
What was the next move? His body jolted but he couldn’t figure out the movement he needed to do. He froze like a deer in headlights, his body rejecting any other possible moment until the music was drowned out by his thoughts. His feet glued to the floor.
“Dongmin?” Hyunwoo called out to him, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked up from the polished wooden floor. “Is that all?” he asked.
Taesan parted his lips in an attempt to speak, but his breath hitched. Refusing to let any words escape. He bit down on his lip anxiously. He judges all jotted down their thoughts. Hyunwoo pulled off his thick framed glasses, “I expected more from you.. Can’t say I’m not disappointed..” he said, stabbing the already painful wound of discouragement further into Taesan’s chest.
His head drooped low. He wasn’t just upset with their situation, he was disappointed in himself as well.
Taesan hated being put in situations like this. Where he needed to ask for someone else’s help. He had made it so far without it. The next few days he found himself going to the practice hall more often. Practicing at the most ungodly hours and failing miserably.
He laid back onto the floor, staring up into the ceiling. His chest heaving. He was exhausted and frustrated. His own failures biting him in his ass. He could himself halt on his own growth. It was a painful reminder that his dream is slipping from his reach and that was one thing that was painful.
Riwoo’s face coming into view. He looked down at Taesan.
Taesan’s eyebrows furrowed together. He wasn’t sure if it was his exhaustion causing delirium or if Riwoo was really in front of him but it caused him to sit him from his lying position. “Riwoo?” he asked.
The older boy moved away from him for a moment. His lips flattened as he let out a soft hum in response before placing down his practice bag in his usual spot.
“I figured I’d find you here again.” Riwoo said, stretching his body as he glanced at Taesan.
Taesan wasn’t used to someone being persistent on helping like this. He fell silent for a moment as he grabbed his water bottle.
“You know, you don’t have to push yourself so hard.. Let me help you.” he said softly, his voice laced with sympathy. It was sickeningly sweet and enough to cause Taesan to grit his teeth.
“Why should I?” he scoffed, pulling his beanie off his head. His hair was a mess, sweat dripping down his face. He was agitated with himself. He didn’t want to throw that onto someone he didn’t know properly. Especially someone as kind as Riwoo.
Riwoo looked at Taesan for a moment. “I can teach you something.. Just give me a chance.”
Taesan could feel Riwoo eyes burning holes into his face. He knew he wouldn’t be able to resist for long. He let out an exasperated groan, “Fine..fine.” He had to bite the bullet. He wasn’t doing anything but frustrating himself and becoming more upset than he originally led himself to be.
A fond smile spread against Riwoo’s lips. He gave a hand to Taesan to help him up. Hesitantly, Taesan looked at Riwoo’s hand before taking it in his own.
The two boys danced well into the night. Riwoo was patient, well versed. Taesan couldn’t help but admire his passion. As good as a teacher Riwoo was, Taesan was a quick learner.
“See, there we go!” Riwoo compliments Taesan, causing Taesan’s cheeks flushing light pink. He looked off to the side. Taesan wasn’t used to someone being so kind to him.
They danced until they couldn’t anymore. Backs against the icy mirror was enough to cool them off. Taesan couldn’t help but take a look at Riwoo as he drank from his water bottle, his Adam's apple moving slightly.
He couldn’t wrap his mind around how a person could be so gentle in nature, but powerful as a performer. Taesan couldn’t help but find it attractive. Riwoo caught his gaze.
He could feel his heart jumping in his chest. Riwoo’s eyes were pretty, even under the shitty lighting of the practice room. The sweat dripped down his throat. Taesan could feel his cheeks getting hot. His eyes darted across the room, hoping that Riwoo wasn’t still looking at him.
Was Riwoo always this attractive? Taesan couldn’t get those thoughts out of his head. Riwoo let out a soft chuckle.
“What?” Taesan asked softly.
“It’s nothing crazy.. It’s just… You’re really cute when you get all shy.” Riwoo spoke softly in a tone only Taesan could hear. He could feel his breath get caught in his throat. He began coughing a bit, causing Riwoo to chuckle even more as he patted his back.
“You are full of surprises.. Riwoo.” Taesan said as he caught his breath, looking at the older boy.
Riwoo was at a loss for words. He looked back at Taesan with a small grin on his lips.
Every other day was the same pattern. The two would meet in the practice room, dance together, and talk for hours on end knowing for a fact they should leave. That this was temporary. Taesan never allowed himself to enjoy someone’s company this thoroughly. However, with Riwoo, it was just easy.
He would talk and Riwoo would listen, vice versa. These days feel different though. Taesan’s eyes would linger on Riwoo’s face a little longer than usual. When he’d dance, he would only make a little accident and it wasn’t from him not knowing.. It was from Riwoo’s touch.
It was the same as before, practicing until they were exhausted. Taesan sitting back on his elbows, hair pulled into a small pineapple at the top of his head. Riwoo sat in front of him, snacking on chips. His hair pushed into a beanie. Taesan couldn’t take his eyes off Riwoo and the bit of crumbs on his lips.
Nowadays, this has become an unhealthy habit of Taesan’s. His eyes were becoming glued to Riwoo’s pink pout. He longed to cup his cheeks, colliding his lips onto Riwoo’s but instead.. He sat up slowly. His hand reached for Riwoo’s face. “You have a little..” he spoke softly, a sense of nervousness swirling in his stomach.
His eyes set on the tiny crumb on the edge of Riwoo’s lip. It mocked him for being able to do the one thing he couldn’t. Riwoo stopped dead in his tracks. Taesan’s thumb grazing his bottom lip, soft.
God, his lips must feel like heaven. Taesan was playing a dangerous game with himself.
“Is it gone?” Riwoo whispered, snapping Taesan from his thoughts.
Taesan snatched his head away quickly. His heart was pounding against his chest. He was flustered. He wasn’t sure what changed but these days he felt himself wanting something more than an acquaintance from Riwoo.. Something more than just a mere friendship.
Taesan’s eyes darted to Riwoo’s. Riwoo wasn’t even on the same page as him, his eyes on Taesan’s lips.
Could he want the same thing?
“I-I got it.” Taesan answered.
There was a silence between them which was normal but this was much more dense.. Deafening even. They sat together for a moment longer than usual until Riwoo pulled out his phone, checking the time. “We should probably get going..”
“You’re probably right..” Taesan said before standing. They made sure to get all of their things together but Taesan couldn’t just let this feeling go. He was desperate. He wanted to just give himself a moment of weakness for once.
Riwoo already held the door open. Taesan quickly pushed the door closed, towering over Riwoo. Riwoo looked up at Taesan with curious eyes. “What are you-” he was quickly cut off with Taesan’s plump lips colliding with his own. It was gentle, overwhelmingly sweet. Taesan’s arms pulling Riwoo away from the door and into his embrace.
Riwoo pulled away slowly, shocked. Their eyes glued on each other’s faces. This was a new step for their friendship. All confusing, overwhelming, but at the same time exciting. Taesan wasn’t sure what he was doing but he wanted to explore this newfound feeling for the only person that managed to pull him from his own self-deprecation.