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1. 2jin - Fairy Tale
Choi Yerim was not hiding. So what if she was in the Shatterdome rafters at two in the morning? Training was a lot today. It was a deluge of lectures on rabbits and responsibility. Combat drills had left her bruised and gasping for air. Jungeun and Jinsol try to help, but they're so much older and better. The pair have good intentions, but just make Yerim feel stupid and small.
Yubin who fixes the Jaegers doesn't make Yerim feel small. Yubin is far too busy and far too tired to look twice at a despondent Ranger cadet totally not hiding in the hangar. She'd simply given Yerim a nod of solidarity, slipped on her welding mask and disappeared into the guts of a Jaeger.
So Yerim sits in the cold catwalks undisturbed, swinging her legs over the edge.
Fairy Tale stands beside her, monolithic and silent. Yerim can barely believe she's even allowed near the legendary Jaeger. It's straight out of a storybook with its sleek hull and iconic 2J Chain Sword gleaming gold in the floodlights. The vanguard and champion of the resistance.
The mech hangar was still busy at this late hour, filled with overworked J-techs swarming around the Jaegers like ants. Haseul would have been among them, if Yeojin didn't bully her into sleeping.
Yerim laughs softly as she watches Gahyeon from J-tech gesticulate wildly at a despondent group of mechanics. The engineer was undeniably brilliant, but tended to get flashes of inspiration at ungodly hours. A brunette in a drivesuit splits from the group and storms towards the hanger entrance. As she gets closer, Yerim can see her scanning the catwalks.
Sitting up here is like being behind a one-way mirror. Yerim gets to just exist and breathe, beyond anyone's notice or scrutiny. So far away she's practically invisible. From up here, it all seems so small.
"Hey, you!" the Ranger snaps, "Get down here, idiot."
A jolt of dread lances through Yerim's chest. She looks around, even checks behind her, but she's the only person up here. Maybe she wasn't allowed up here after all?
Yerim shakily walks to the maintenance lift. Annoyance is writ large across the Ranger's unfairly pretty face, growing closer and closer as Yerim descends. She's suddenly aware of the creases in her uniform shirt.
Shit. That's not just any Ranger. That's Jeon Heejin, the PPDC's golden child and one of Fairy Tale's pilots.
Shit.
As if today could get any worse, an expression of sheer horror spreads over Ranger Jeon's face.
"Oh god I'm so sorry I thought you were Hyunjin."
"The crew wanted our opinions on an upgrade, so when I saw you…" Ranger Jeon turns an adorable shade of pink as she rambles.
"Oh no that's ok! It makes sense why she would be up here," Yerim says. "Sorry for creeping near your Jaeger, Ranger Jeon, it's just a really nice quiet spot."
Ranger Jeon turns to her with narrowed, appraising eyes.
"You're a trainee, right?"
"Uh- yeah! Choi Yerim."
"Well, Choi Yerim, let me make it up to you! Come have lunch with me and Hyunjin tomorrow."
"Uh…. thanks Ranger Jeon, but it's really okay-"
"No, I insist! And call me Heejin while you're at it." she punctuates her words with a wink that sends Yerim's heart into overdrive.
"You're friends with Haseul from J-tech, right? Bring her along! We used to train together, before she dropped out of the Academy to dazzle the mechanics with her genius."
In the wake of Heejin's blinding cheer and pretty smile, Yerim is powerless to refuse.
2. Viseul - Duty of Care
First cuts are weeks away. Yerim tries to ignore her dread, pushing it away in favour of the cafeteria's chaos and her friends. They’re lucky to find a big enough table to fit all of them. It almost feels normal.
Heejin and Hyunjin sit at the far end of the table, perpetually attached at the hip. Their deployments are getting longer and longer these days, as the Breach spits out more Kaiju. The exhaustion is plain on both their features, as Hyunjin fusses over her co-pilots' injuries. Siyeon sits at the next table over, leaning in to have a chat. The Jumphawk pilot was a common fixture in Fairy Tale's strike group, and hung out with them on occasion.
Haseul and Yeojin sit either side of Yerim, bickering about god knows what. It's a familiar background noise that drowns out Yerim's own anxieties. Jinsol and Jungeun sit across from her, wrapped in their own little world. At least some things stay the same.
"There's a new Ranger around." Hyunjin announces, apropos of nothing.
There's a moment of incredulous silence before the table erupts with questions.
"She transferred from the Hong Kong strike group."
Silence falls like an anvil. Everyone knows what happened to the Hong Kong strike group. Yerim tries not to glance over at Jinsol and Jungeun - now prospective Rangers themselves.
"I heard from Minji in LOCCENT that she showed up with no warning, just her and the mech." Yeojin volunteers. "Both apparently looked like they'd been shredded in half."
"Wait, since when did you know Colonel Kim Minji?" Yerim interrupts, incredulous.
"Not the point!" Yeojin smacks her shoulder and leans in to share the juicy details.
"There was no partner. She won't say who she is, or how she got the mech here. Apparently she piloted it by herself halfway across the Yellow Sea."
Siyeon laughs at that.
"C'mon kid, you're talkin crazy. Nobody can pilot a mech all that way by themselves, even a smaller one like hers."
"Stranger things have happened," Haseul says, a distant look in her eyes. "I'm finished eating anyway, I'll take a look at it."
She stands abruptly, leaving her tray behind. Yerim frowns and turns back to her food. Haseul was the least spontaneous, instinct-driven person she knew. Why was she acting so weird?
An elbow plants itself into her side, causing Yerim to spit half her mouthful all over the table.
"We should go have a look!"
It's Yeojin, of course. The diminutive grease monkey pouts up at her. Yerim doesn't elbow her back, preoccupied with scrubbing furiously at the sauce on her pants.
"C'mon, Yerim," Yeojin wheedles. "You can't tell me you're not dying of curiosity right now. Let's go check it out!"
Yerim finds herself dragged to the organized chaos of the labs, Jungeun and Jinsol in tow. Yerim is lean and muscular now, thanks to months of training. She could resist. But then again, she could never deny Yeojin anything.
The sight of the wrecked Jaeger sends a funny tingle down Yerim's spine. Its hull is charred from electrical fires and pockmarked by rust. Half of its head is missing. Yerim shivers as she thinks of Heejin and Hyunjin, and how rare it is to see one without the other.
"Yubin had a look at its specs and it's kinda batshit crazy," Jinsol whispers. "Like, the wiring's all different. Something about it being a Hong Kong model. If this Ranger finds a new co-pilot they're gonna have an awful time adjusting."
"Does it have a designation?" Jungeun says. "I have no clue what to name our Jaeger, when we get one."
Yerim laughs at Jungeun's confidence. Hot-headed and ambitious, already thinking five steps ahead. If Yerim passed first and second cuts, their little trio would be one of the few three-person teams in the force. Jungeun on the right, Jinsol on the left and Yerim behind. Jungeun would want a cool-sounding name, and Jinsol would probably suggest a pun.
"It's called Duty of Care. Weird, huh?"
Yerim tilts her head, regarding the Jaeger thoughtfully. Duty of Care looks like it was built for evasive, ranged skirmishing, with VS-YJ Plasmacasters and an extensive targeting array. It's nuclear core gives it away as an old model, Mark-3 at the latest.
Haseul and this mysterious Ranger seem deep in conversation. Like her Jaeger, the pilot is small and battle-worn with delicate features that belie the sharpness of her gaze. Her Drivesuit is all rounded panels and pastel highlights, a far sight from the monochrome American suits. The pilot extends a hand to Haseul, who clasps it firmly in agreement.
"I'm gonna take a closer look," Yeojin looks uncharacteristically thoughtful, eyeing the pair. "You coming with?"
A sense of dread settles over Yerim's bones.
"No, I'm okay," Yerim chuckles. "You guys go on ahead, okay? I'll see you in a bit."
3. Lipsoul - Purple Eclipse
Yerim wasn't there when Jungeun and Jinsol were paired up for Drift Sync Testing. She was stuck in yet another phys eval for the dreaded second cuts. Doctor Kim was running late as usual, but so apologetic that Yerim couldn't help but feel bad. Regardless, Yerim doesn't find out until Chaewon and Olivia pull her aside at dinner.
"Hey, there's something you should know." Chaewon sounds apologetic, which should have been the first sign that something was wrong.
"Jinsol and Jungeun are Drift compatible." Hyeju says flatly. "They're being assigned to one of the new Mark-V Jaegers."
Oh.
"That's… great news," Yerim says distantly. "Really- uh, really great. I should go. Congratulate them."
"Yerim. Are you okay?" Hyeju has to duck slightly to meet Yerim's eyes. The proximity sends a flutter through her chest that she decides to ignore.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Yerim grins, gripping her lunch tray like a lifeline.
If she just makes it to the table, they'll drop the subject.
Across the mess hall, there is the unmistakeable sight of two blondes side by side. Jinsol's head on Jungeun's shoulder. Jungeun looked like she was pulling away, but Yerim could see their hands intertwined beneath the table. Of course they were compatible.
Of course there had never been a place for her.
"Hey, Yerim!" Jinsol waves excitedly. "I was just telling Yeojin about my new baby, she's got a LS-13 missile launcher!"
A datapad with blueprints is shoved in Yerim's face. She forces a laugh. She forces herself to sit.
Things change, after that.
Jungeun and Jinsol walk in lockstep around base, their gaits organically uneven but perfectly matched. Jungeun and Jinsol laugh at an in-joke silently shared between them. Jungeun and Jinsol finish each other's sentences and fight in untouchable synchronicity.
They would always be precious to her, but there was no denying that they had drifted apart. Yerim laughs and it is a hollow, caustic thing.
Jungeun and Jinsol don't have much space for Yerim these days.
Which is why she finds herself in Vivi's dorm, dramatically sprawled across the empty upper bunk. Her mind aches from hours in Drivesuit Testing. Her body aches from hours on the mats, but she's winning almost every match now. Vivi's room is perpetually neat and spartan, and it still smells like regulation-issued sanitizer. Whatever. There's no point being picky about beds when every muscle in her body is sore. Vivi's calm, wise presence is a balm to Yerim's tired heart.
"Did you always know you were drift compatible with Haseul and Yeojin?" Yerim finds herself asking without really meaning to.
"It's complicated, Yerim. I definitely didn't expect to be compatible as a triad." Vivi must hear Yerim audibly deflate, because she sighs. "Yes, I had a feeling. But I already had experience before that point, drifting with Han Dong."
Vivi's voice curls familiarly around the syllables of the name, a hint of her accent slipping through. Yerim hesitantly shuffles over so she can peek at Vivi from the edge of the bed. She almost never mentions the Hong Kong strike force, or her lost co-pilot.
"I know you want this, so much. But the Drift is scary and awful sometimes. It changes you, and you can't go back."
Her expression is sad and distant, head tilted like she's listening to something nobody else can hear. It's only in moments like this that Yerim remembers.
Vivi knows what it feels like to die.
4. Chuuves - Devil's Advocate
Yerim straps herself into Devil's Advocate with shaking hands. Yves is on her right, looking tall and graceful and utterly disinterested. Whatever. Yerim wouldn't let her co-pilot's standoffish attitude ruin this chance. She can see Yeojin and Jinsol furiously miming encouragement behind the glass, Heejin and Hyeju standing quietly behind them. Chaewon gives Yerim a decisive thumbs up. A rush of gratitude fills Yerim at the sight of her friends in the crowd of potential cadets. She would be nothing without them.
"Ignore the audience, Cadet Choi. This is about you two." Officer Kim looks them dead in the eye. "Ready?"
The spinal clamps click into place, and the Drift takes them before Yerim can respond.
It's quiet and dark in here. She's alone. Her very being is scattered into a fine mist, thoughts and memories splayed out in a fragile web. Yerim tentatively reaches a hand into the void.
Yves reaches back.
Her grip is crushing. Yerim's soul groans under her hands, but the neural handshake settles into place. In a fraction of an instant Yerim sees everything, all at once.
She's a happy child. She's a pariah and a traitor. She has one older sister, she has two. She has a loving family and she has nothing in the world but Jiwoo. Their best friend and their beloved victim. Together they wander through city ruins, breathing bloodmist and swimming in Kaiju Blue.
Yves would stop at nothing to get a Jaeger. She had killed to be here, and would do so again.
Yerim tries to pull away, but Yves is pure venom and she is everywhere, in their eyes and in their lungs and Yerim is burning alive.
Yerim collapses onto her hands and knees, gasping for air. She's back in her own body.
Someone pulled them from the Drift. Half her brain is missing. She is one body again, one heart and two lungs and ten fingers. Those few moments felt impossibly long, stretched between one heartbeat and the next. What the fuck was that?
"Again!" Officer Kim barks. Yerim looks up at her incredulously. The woman was crazy.
"Bora…" their handler's voice crackles through the speakers. "Are you sure?"
"Trust me, Minji. I've got a good instinct for this. I know they can get it."
Yves and Yerim were Drift compatible in theory, their time in the Kwoon combat room proved that much. But that disaster of a first Drift said otherwise. Yves eyes her with exasperated disinterest, her body taut like a snake coiled to strike. She had already written off Yerim as another hopeless trainee who couldn't handle the pressure. Weak and naïve.
No.
Yerim had seen into her co-pilot's mind, however briefly. She'd caught a glimpse of the poison lurking underneath. Yves was vetting potential co-pilots by throwing everything she had and seeing which ones would break. There was no end to her ambition. There was no line she wouldn't cross. Yves wanted a co-pilot who would do the same.
She didn't know that Yerim would bleed herself dry for this. There was no price she wouldn't pay.
This was all she had.
"What are we waiting for?" Yerim snarls, strapping herself back into the Jaeger.
The spinal clamps click into place. This time, Yerim is ready. She screws her hand into a fist, and swings at Yves in the Drift. Within the blow lies every humiliation, every defeat and failure. Watching Hyunjin and Heejin, Haseul and Yeojin and Vivi, Jinsol and Jungeun. Spending months in the combat room, wasting years living in fear of the Kaiju.
The little ghosts she thinks of late at night, forever seventeen and twelve, while Yerim only gets older. Death, forever patient, waiting by her bedside.
For the first time, she feels all of it. She lets Yves feel all of it.
The impact of the handshake is deafening. Yerim feels adrenaline and panic rush through the bond, though there's no telling who it came from. She doesn't let up, even when Yves cries out in pain. They see each other now, for better or worse. There's no denying the Drift.
Yerim unclenches her fists.
Yves stares up at her in shock, and for a moment Yerim thinks she's gone too far.
Guess there's more to the kid than I thought, the voice echoes within Yerim's mind.
She offers a hand with a small grin, and pulls Yves to her feet.
"Okay, that was good!" Minji says, relief evident in her voice. "You're all done for today, Cadet Choi. Go see Yoohyeon after you get your Drivesuit off. Bora, get Cadet Kim up next."
Yerim staggers through the door, half-delirious with exhaustion and adrenaline. She's done it. She's finally done it. Her little crowd of cheerleaders swarm her immediately, incoherent with excitement.
The next cadet grimaces as she straps in. She looks too soft for this war, gazing up at Yves with wide, innocent eyes. The whir of machinery picks up again as the Drift starts. It's become soothing white noise at this point, alongside the hum of chatter from the crowd.
Yerim's thoughts turn to a cold shower and a long nap. She can feel the adrenaline crash rapidly approaching.
Out of nowhere, there's a commotion inside Devil's Advocate. Drivesuits hit the ground as the pilots fall out of the Drift simultaneously. Yves and the cadet turn to stare at each other in shock.
"Sooyoung? Is that really you?"
"Jiwoo!" Yves breathes the name like it's something holy.
No fucking way.
Every bit of Yerim's euphoria drains away, instantly replaced with dread. What were the chances of Yves' long-lost friend also being here? Of Jiwoo being a Cadet, of Yves being chosen for mass Drift Sync Testing, of Yerim being screwed over once again?
Sooyoung(?) and Jiwoo collide in a tearful embrace.
Yerim feels her chance slip between her fingers. She turns on her heel and tries to block everyone out. She knows there’s tears tracking down her face at this point, but she's so numb that she can’t bring herself to even care as long as her shoulders don’t shake and nobody sees her cry.
She ignores Yeojin calling after her. She can hardly hear over the sickening throb of her own deafening heartbeat, each pulse painful, the drag through her veins excruciating.
She tries very hard not to run.
The descent from the Jaeger's head to its feet takes a long time. Yerim has never felt so small. Devil's Advocate is a killing machine, equipped with flamethrowers and serrated blades the size of buildings. The area around the vicious Jaeger is cold and stinks of oil, but it's blessedly deserted. Here, she can be her stupid, insignificant self.
She’s not important. Not good at anything. Not a Ranger. Just nothing.
She’d like to wallow in that nothing for a little bit.
Yerim sinks to the floor and tries to curl into a ball, but the stupid Drivesuit is stainless steel and not suited for moping.
She presses her forehead against the unyielding metal of Devil's Advocate, wishing that she could just sink into the Jaeger and never come out. It's too much. She can't do this anymore.
It's too much.
5. Hyewon - East of Eden
Yerim frowns, pacing the mats like a caged animal. Yet another fruitless round of compatibility testing has left her frustrated, and filled with nervous energy. She'd been instructed to stay behind with Chaewon and Hyeju after they finished, but not told why. Hyeju is nursing a rather impressive split lip that Yerim feels very smug about.
Hyeju was a fast, vicious boxer who seized every opportunity she saw. So if Yerim's guard seemingly slipped after a parry, her opponent didn't hesitate to lunge. Right into the path of Yerim's staff. The resounding crack had shocked the room into silence.
Yerim blinks, disrupted from her reverie as the doors hiss open. Colonel Minji, the intimidatingly pretty LOCCENT officer, was here. So this was serious, then.
Not one to waste time, the Colonel cleared her throat to get their attention.
"Hyeju, it turns out you have two potential co-pilots, Cadet Park and Cadet Choi. Normally we wouldn't be so quick to deploy you, but with things as they are… we need every Jaeger we can get."
Yerim can do nothing but wait and watch, heart in her throat. Things were bad out there. Purple Eclipse and Devil's Advocate were in the water almost every day now. Duty of Care was loaned to Tokyo in a last-ditch effort to buy time. Fairy Tale was barely functional after a near-miss in a freak Kaiju attack.
"We'd like to assign you to East of Eden, an ambush-based Mark-IV that needs new pilots." Minji looks between the three of them, expression carefully neutral. "You need only choose one."
Hyeju does not waver. She does not blink. She barely even hesitates.
"Chaewon."
Yerim gapes. The simple word feels like Hyeju's just slapped her. There was a growing pit in her stomach, making her nauseous, tugging at her lungs and her insides and making her throat tight. She wills herself not to cry in front of Chaewon and Hyeju - stupid, horrible, beautiful Hyeju who had looked at Yerim like she was important, like she meant something.
The War Clock ticks in time to Yerim's beating, breaking heart. She had worked herself to the bone to pass second cuts, and for what? She's taller and older than nearly all the trainees now. She's seen batch after batch come and go.
"Well, congratulations, Rangers Son and Park." Minji pauses.
"Yerim… I didn't know." Chaewon says, jarringly loud in the charged silence. "I'm sorry."
Yerim nods, and then nods again because she doesn’t know what else to do, and then she starts to feel a bit sick. She really thought she had a shot. Why did she think she had a shot? Chaewon's eyes are filled with pity and she hates it.
“Okay,” she says. It sounds wet, and it’s so humiliating. “Okay, okay. I get it. I understand. I…”
She doesn’t get it, she doesn’t understand. She feels angry, and annoyed at herself for being angry, because she has no right, does she, really? Does she have more claim to Hyeju than Chaewon does? Did she really think that this was going to go her way?
But she doesn’t have it in her, right now, to be rational. The tears spill over before she can stop them. She wipes them quickly using her palms, and a hysterical little laugh bubbles up. This is too much for Yerim's tired, tired heart.
So she does what she always does. She runs.
Her breath comes in ragged gasps, the world smeared like paint through her tears.
The rafters of the Shatterdome hangar are cold and lonely. Yerim lies on her back and closes her eyes against the floodlights, feeling every screw press into her skin. She clings to the railing with all of her strength, like she'll be washed away the second she lets go.
Heejin and Hyunjin were in a LOCCENT meeting to oversee the evacuation of Seoul. Vivi and Haseul and Yeojin were deployed to Tokyo for three months. Jinsol and Jungeun would be asleep right now, probably curled up on Jungeun's bed. She didn't want to know where Jiwoo and Sooyoung were.
Chaewon and Hyeju…
Yerim tried, and tried, and tried. It was never enough.
No one wanted her.
The admission leaves Yerim hollow. She was tired of running herself into the ground in pursuit of this dream. She was tired of being the only one who couldn't find a fucking partner. Always left out and left behind.
Hours of miserable nothingness pass to the drone of distant chatter and machinery. No one is coming for her. Yerim breathes, feeling the relentless thud of her heart. The world doesn't end.
Between one breath and the next, Yerim feels something give, in her chest.
Her grip loosens.
Yerim breathes, and lets go.
Choi Yerim lies in the rafters of the Shatterdome at two in the morning. Gutted and cried-out and small. She's never been more alone.
She's never felt more alive.