Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jade moves to New York in time for Kit's thirtieth birthday, surprising everyone (and no one, they're both stupid romantics) in attendance including Kit.

Before then, Kit was under the pretence that Jade would be moving around the start of September, in time for the new school term and to begin an internship with a school counsellor. Which was fine. It wasn't like dating changed their relationship that much. They texted more, yeah, but that's about it. Kit was more than happy to wait. Plus, she was a bit preoccupied with back to school shopping for Theo.

So Jade being at the restaurant was amazing. Her staying? Forever? A dream come true.

That's what those months in between Jade and Kit becoming official and Jade moving across the county for Kit felt like. A dream. One Kit was very much afraid to wake up from. So she did what she does best and busied herself with every little thing she could so as not to tempt fate and wake up.

It meant lots of real dreams about Jade never showing up or calling to say she can't make it anymore. Or, and this one was bad enough Kit had to text Jade about it and tell her off, Jade landing in New York just to get on another plane to London. Again.

Kit is nothing if not dramatic.

In the months following Jade's arrival, an adjustment period began wherein they were living like they were still on opposite sides of the country. They were just too busy. Jade was buying furniture, getting jobs, meeting the community, making a life for herself.

Whereas Kit was adjusting to having to do the school run every morning now that Theo was in middle school. Kit didn't actually do the school run. Theo insisted she was old enough to go by herself, so Kit agreed so long as they practiced the walk together over the summer so Theo could commit it to memory. But Kit is still waking up, making the both of them breakfast, packing Theo lunch, making sure she has all her stuff, seeing her out the door, reminding her to text Kit when she gets to the school so Kit knows she's alive. In the time between closing her front door and receiving the text ten minutes later, Kit worries profusely about her daughter's safety.

As well as school, Kit is stepping down from running the social media branch of her mother's business, instead taking up a temporary office role, emphasis on the word temporary, while she decides what it is exactly she wants to do with her life. Still working part time because Sorsha, in the eve of her new, put together, medicated life, has promised to cover the losses in her pay having now been demoted. For Theo's sake, mind you. Not Kit's. But Kit will take it. These hours off of work are spent scouring all over for potential university courses she might enrol in again, or open classes she might take. She's always looking for open places in firms she's had her eye on for the longest time. An internship at this law firm (sounds like hell). An opening as an editor for a local sports magazine (sounds like a dream but Kit hasn't got the slightest chance of getting it because she has no qualifications in journalism nor sport). There's a lot to decide.

Then there's the wedding. Graydon, Theo's father (long story) and Elora, Kit's best friend, are getting married in the summer and are only now starting to think about what they actually want. Traditional or homey? Beach or city? Expensive or on a budget? And don't get them started on the honeymoon, on which their five year old daughter would have to accompany them because they don't want to part with her for more than a weekend.

Kit has offered her help in any way she can, which has mostly been sharing her thoughts on ideas the engaged couple have. She gets to pick some flowers here and there. Makes some phone calls to venues about seasons and availability. Again, she likes to busy herself, so this is all very good for her.

Before they know it, it's Christmas. Halloween and Thanksgiving weren't skipped over. Jade attended both. It's just that she and Kit have been so busy they have struggled find time for each other. Those days spent in the same house are so often accompanied by other people neither have seen in weeks or months that it's just not possible. Fret not, Kit tells herself. They text, they're happy. It's Christmas!

So, with Theo off at her dad's and the snow raining down like little crystals, Kit hooks her arm through Jade's as they make the treacherous journey back from the cocktail bar.

"Did you get that couch you wanted?" Kit asks, regarding a bidding war Jade was in (in person, not on eBay) to get this sofa she was so fond of. Retro and seventies-esque. Sort of looked like it belonged on a porno set.

Jade nods eagerly. "Oh, it was intense. But yeah, I got it," she says, proud of herself. "Dunno where I learnt to haggle, but I can't complain when I got such a good deal."

Kit laughs.

"You'll have to come over and see it," Jade says, then grins and rolls her eyes. "Even though you're avoiding my place like the plague."

"Am not!" Kit gasps. "I'm just busy right now and-"

Jade kisses her cold lips. "I know. I'm just messing with you."

Kit kisses her back and they stop in the street in their embrace. Jade is so warm Kit's convinced there's a fire inside of her somewhere. Each kiss fuels the flame, too, so Kit just kisses and kisses her until she thinks she's beginning to warm up, too.

Then a car honks their horn as they speed past and they separate, giggling like school girls.

They hurry back to Kit's house, where their Christmas presents to each other are waiting. The question of whether they were doing presents or not didn't so much as come up, more that they both showed up today hoping it was alright that they gotten a gift. Kit was overall unsure of what to get Jade. Her now decade-old list of sure-fire gift ideas was surely outdated, so she continued to come up short every time she thought she had an idea. Then it hit her. Decor.

Jade is living in a more or less barren apartment. She has her couch now, yes. And she does have a bed frame after Kit double checked. She thinks she saw a breakfast table in the video call house tour. But the walls were sad and empty. So Kit, with the help of Jade's sister, Scorpia, printed a selection of (hopefully) beloved photos and framed them for Jade in these mix-matched picture frames from the thrift store.

Over the years, Kit has gifted far more extravagant gifts to people she's loved far less than Jade, but still. She's hoping this is rich in sentiment not wealth.

By the time they reach the house the snow is coming down in heavy lumps now and their noses are frozen solid. They let themselves in quickly, hurrying to find some warmth. Strip off their damp outer layers, kick off their boots. Snuggle under the blanket on the sofa and kiss some more in the comfort of their own home.

"Lets do presents before we get carried away," Kit says to the curve of Jade's shoulder.

Jade removes her mouth from Kit's neck, acting hard done by. "Fine."

Kit goes first. Hands over the terribly wrapped shoebox of photos and holds her breath.

Like it's alive, Jade takes care unwrapping the box. When she opens the lid, she gasps and little and looks at Kit like she might cry. Then she goes through each picture - one of her and Kit during Kit's birthday, several of her with her sister, some with Boorman as well - like it's the most meaningful thing she's ever held.

"I thought the frames matched the couch," Kit says. That same oddity, retro-y aesthetic Jade's been into ever since getting into interior design (building Ikea furniture) since her internship fell through.

Jade nods. "They do." Then she throws her arms around Kit's neck, careful not to knock over the box of pictures with her.

After a wet hug, though Jade denies there being any tears, she neatly puts the box on the ground and picks up her gift for Kit. It's a small box, maybe slightly longer than Kit's cell phone. She doesn't judge the size of a present, having grown up stupidly rich and being gifted so many diamond earrings or several karat gold bracelets she had to re-gift (she was ungrateful, because she was a stubborn, rude kid, but also she never would have worn that jewellery and doesn't understand who in their right mind look at her baby gay hair cut and thought she'd like some Swarovski?). Even if she hadn't grown up with money she wouldn't have judged the size of the present. Ever. Not now she's a decent human being.

It's wrapped a lot neater than Kit's, but Jade doesn't have two lots of kids' presents to wrap as well as family ones, so she probably doesn't get as sick of wrapping paper as Kit does.

Kit rips open the top corner and tears off the paper until a slim velvet box slips out. Holding her breath, Kit opens the box.

"I really hope that you don't already have one," Jade nervously laughs.

Inside of the box is a necklace. A slim, silver chain lacking any bling or charms. The chain is intricately woven in some sort of twisted manner that makes Kit immediately aware that this was not cheap. It's cool against her fingers and heavier than it looks. Something is familiar about the way it feels slipping through her fingers like a very slim very rigid snake.  

After a while, Kit looks up to find Jade thumbing the gold chain he wears around her neck daily. Then it hits her. This is identical to Jade's necklace in every way except the colour.

"So do you?" Jade, growing more nervous if the insistent tapping if her foot is anything to go by, asks. "Already have it?"

Kit takes the necklace in one hand and grabs Jade with the other, kissing her hard enough to bruise. "It's perfect."

Blushing, Jade says, "I know best friend necklaces are a bit juvenile-"

"Did you just best friend zone me?"

"Shut up," Jade laughs, pushing her shoulder. "Listen, there's more." Jade unclasps her own chain and sits it in her hand. "Basically, I bought this months ago before I even moved here 'cause I was on a higher wage. But then I got worried you'd already have it, or have something similar so I started of thinking of ways I could make it more of a personal gift. So-" She smiles at herself and finds the thicker piece of metal hanging at the end of adjustable length bit of the chain. "This is really silly, and I don't know of you even remember, but-"

Kit looks at her own necklace in the same spot. A flat, silver oval engraved with a pair of initials she stared at every night she slept in her childhood bed from the age of sixteen onwards. K+J.

"My bedpost," Kit says. "Of course I remember." Kit had carved those initials into everything she could as a teenager. Her locker door. A surfboard. Her skateboard that got less use than her surfboard. Trees and fences and trash cans and tables and anything that would scar. She hoped to be a mystery. For someone to wonder who the great K+J were.

"So you like it?" Jade asks.

"I love it!" Kit cries. She throws her arms around Jade. "I love you!"

A moment. Then.

"You love me?" Jade asks.

"Obviously." Kit pulls back. "What?"

"Nothing." Jade is smiling so wide. "You just haven't told me that in-" In years. She doesn't have to say it.

"Well I do," Kit says. "I don't think I ever stopped, really. I love you, and I love this necklace. So thank you."

Jade smiles again. They kiss.

"Oh," Jade says, pulling back. "I got something for Theo, too."

"What? You didn't have to." Kit is faint with attraction at the idea of Jade buying her kid a Christmas present.

"I wanted to," Jade insists. She pulls it out of a bag Kit previously hadn't noticed, along with four cards. One addressed to Kit and Theo, one to Airk, one to Margot, Elora and Graydon, and one to Sorsha.

"If you've already sent your mum's I can post it myself-"

"You got everyone a card?" Kit can feel herself getting emotional and sappy.

Jade nods. "It's just a card, though. Nothing special."

"But I didn't get you one, or for Scorpia," Kit says. In fairness, she can't remember the last time she bought a Christmas card. Just not something they really do.

Jade puts her hand on Kit's knee. "That's fine. They weren't expecting one. I just wanted to, I dunno. Make a good impression 'cause I still feel so new to the whole family." That makes sense. Doesn't stop Kit from feeling bad. Jade can tell, and says, "Scorpia's real specific about her cards and gifts anyway. Gotta be a hundred percent recyclable. Don't worry about it, I'll send them your love."

Kit nods. "Thanks."

Becoming an annual thing, Jade is flying home for the holidays and staying until mid January, trying to get references and such for a new job here. She's flying tomorrow afternoon. So, Kit holds tight to Jade all evening and barely let's her get out of bed in the morning. Then Kit drives her to the train station, kisses her goodbye, and watches her go, trying not to think about how they sat down one on one only once in four months, and now Jade's off for two and a half weeks to England. 

Kit will cope.

Seeing Theo open up Jade's gift makes it hard, especially finding out what it is. A book. Specifically, the sequel to the book Theo had been raving about to Jade over Thanksgiving. Never asked for it, nor mentioned a sequel to the book. Just spoke passionately about something she loved.

And the smile on her face when she opens it up! Ah! Kit is too engulfed in the surprise and joy of the unwrapping that she settles with committing the smile to memory, but then Elora surprises her with a photo of Theo opening the book, capture the exact second she realises what it is. Kit freaks out.

It is such a sweet and meaningful gesture that it makes Kit ache with how much she loves Jade. How badly she wants to tell her this right now and thank her and do everything but get on one knee-

Then that thought sends her spiralling.

So yeah. Kit copes.

Barely.

Like missing a limb, she copes.

*

"Hey, what are you doing right now?" Jade asks through the phone.

"Watching Avatar with the kids," Kit tells her happily.

Truth be told, she's probably more into the show than they are. Theo definitely likes it because she and Kit watched episodes here and there when she was younger. Back when Avatar The Last Airbender still got reruns put on the television during daytime TV and not late night throwbacks. Margot, though, she isn't so sure is having a good time.

It's more that Margot doesn't completely understand it, she thinks. Because she likes Katara an awful lot. And laughs anytime Sokka is the butt of the joke.

Kit wanted the three of them to sit down and properly watch the show to reflect upon its relevance to real world topics and politics, thinking it would be more easily digestible through a cartoon with bright colours to mask the the absolute horrors the characters go through in their preteens. Especially now that they're on Jet's episode.

It's a fun teaching moment, in Kit's opinion. She loves being able to put her opinion on things traditionalists (Sorsha) would think are radical (political). But she obviously is not forcing her opinion onto her child and child's sister. Not in a manipulative way. Just in a way where they recognise genocide as genocide.

"The blue people movie?" Jade laughs with doubt.

Kit corrects herself with the right show. "It's a teaching moment."

"Cool," Jade says. "Can I come over? I miss you."

"You just landed," Kit points out, but won't say no.

"So?" She can hear Jade smiling. "I wanna see you guys."

They agree Jade should come over for dinner after Margot goes back to her house.

Recently, Kit has been watching Margot on Sundays while Elora and Graydon have Date Afternoon (not date night, they're earlybirds). But their 'dates' at the moment mostly consist of wedding planning. Today it was either cake or catering, Kit can't remember. A kay-sounding word. 

So they finish the episode, and Kit talks to them about Jet's character and what they thought, then considered the chances of her being a teacher, then remembered she only likes her kids (yeah, okay, Margot isn't hers, but she's a part of the pack, the way Lux is Kit's dog but she's also Graydon and Elora's dog). Then she thinks the kids have had enough spoon-fed cartoon politics lessons for the day from the looks on their faces and calls it a day. She leaves television in the hands of Theo while she decides what to do for dinner.

She hadn't planned anything yet, because Margot coming over usually wipes her out and she'll do an easy dinner. But now she has to cook for Jade as well, and while Jade knows she's the furthest thing from a chef Kit still likes to make a good impression. A better attempt than whatever frozen dino nuggets she could pull from the freezer. Oh, but dino nuggets sound so good right now-

Kit goes through her fridge. She manages to whip up half an idea by the time she's scheduled to take Margot home.

Together, they decide to walk Margot home so they can walk Lux at the same time. It takes longer technically but it cuts down a job Kit would have had to have done otherwise at a later time. Margot holds the leash for a while, Theo right at her side giving her tips here and there.

By the time they reach the house, Margot has swapped the leash for Kit's hand, letting Theo walk the dog. She's tired, and when she's handed over to her mom Elora picks her up and coos at her tired face.

On the way home, Kit and Theo talk about what the wedding might look like, then they just start talking about weddings and what Theo's ideal wedding would be (at a water park).

Then, her brain makes that funny connection between the general topic of weddings and Jade, and Kit suddenly can't remember if she told Theo Jade would be coming over, or if she was sucked right back into the TV.

"Did I tell you Jade is coming for dinner?"

Theo shakes her head. "But I assumed."

"Ah," Kit says. "Is that okay? Should I have asked before I invited her?"

Swapping hands on the leash, Theo says, "It's okay. You're the adult."

"I know," Kit says, because she does. "But I don't wanna abuse that power. I don't wanna make choices for us that only one of us wants." Theo nods, understanding. "If you ever don't want something to happen, you need to tell me, okay?"

Kit thinks about her eighteen straight years of going to events and hosting parties and joining clubs, and not joining clubs, all because of her mom. And then she remembers all the things her mom did without her children because she never asked if Kit or Airk would want to do them as well.

Theo nods enthusiastically. "Okay."

"So you're completely fine with Jade coning over tonight?"

"Mom," Theo groans, poorly concealing a laugh. "I like your girlfriend, okay?"

Kit's cheeks warm despite the cold air. She clears her throat.

"Well. Thanks."

"Jade can come over whenever you want," Theo goes on.

"Cool. Okay. And staying nights?"

"Mom!" Theo groans, but it bursts into giggles.

"Okay okay. I get it," Kit chuckles. "You like my girlfriend. I get it." Mostly, she just repeats Theo's words back because she wants to know how they feel in her mouth again. True, warm. Good. Girlfriend.

Jade arrives at the house shortly after they return, meaning Kit has perfectly timed getting dinner started for Jade to watch the disaster of the attempted meal and offer to help, AKA take over.

After all this time, Kit supposes maybe she should have learnt to cook. Or, at least, gotten better at cooking. But it's hard. The meals she cooks often for them are easy! And tasty! It's just a problem, most days, of finding the effort to make these meals, let alone branching out and trying something new. But maybe with her reduced hours and work she'll be able to fix this gap in her resume.

So they potter around the kitchen together, the three of them, preparing a good enough meal that when they sit down to eat all together it feels close to formal.

Halfway through their food, Jade hums loudly. She finishes her mouthful of food, then says, "Oh my God! I was meant to tell you! I got the job at the community center!" She says gleefully.

Theo claps and Kit grins.

"That's amazing!" Kit tells her. "You'll be great." Then, "I thought you said there wasn't a chance in hell you'd get that job?"

She'd fretted over it for the first month of living in Brooklyn. Wanted it so badly but had no confidence in getting it since she was new to the comminuty and had no ins that would help her. That, on top of the misery of starting from the ground up to be able to afford food and rent made her tempestuous at best.

Jade nods. "Yeah, well, remember I said that those girls from the gym asked me to join their basketball team?"

Kit does, so she nods.

"Turns out, one of the girls on the team is the head of finance and funding for charities through the center. So she said she'd put in a good word for me and yeah," Jade says. "Got the email yesterday saying they'd love to have me."

"Yay!" says Kit.

"What do you do at a community center?" Theo asks, pushing around the last bits of food on her plate. Always a fast eater, she is.

"You work with the community, like local organisations, and make your neighbourhood and community a better place for the people in it by feeding into their desires and interests," Jade explains. Kit has no idea how much she's dumbing it down since she was just about to ask the same question, not really knowing what being a community worker entails.

Theo nods. "Like PTA for a community."

Jade considers this. "Yeah, I suppose. But with less mean moms trying to control everything, I hope." She laughs, making Theo laugh too.

"You'll be amazing at it. I can't think of someone more perfect for the job," Kit says.

"I'm just gonna be, like, sorting through papers and making phone calls to begin with, but I wanna see if I can set up this club for self defense for young people," Jade says, clearly passionate about this. "Sorta like what I was doing with Scorpia and Boorman, but on a smaller scale. And with better funding, hopefully."

"I love that," Kit says.

"I wanna do self defense," Theo says.

Kit nods. "You wanna sign up for self defense classes, we can do that. June's older sister knows a place, her mom was telling me."

"Cool," Theo says. Then, "Jade, will you teach me self defense?"

"If you want-"

"Please!" Theo stretches out the word as long as her breath will allow her.

Jade looks at Kit, silently asking for help. Kit delivers.

"What's bringing this on, Bug?" Kit asks. "Do you feel like you need to know how to defend yourself? Are you in trouble?"

Theo shakes her head. "I think it would be cool, is all."

"Okay." Kit nods. "Okay. Maybe when it's warmer we can talk about clubs and stuff. Your week is already busy, remember."

Theo sighs, disappointed but not deeply. "Fine."

"Go on," Kit nods her head in the direction of the kitchen. "Wash up if you're done, then you can watch the game."

Theo happily toddles off with her empty plate, leaving Kit and Jade by themselves.

"I am seriously so happy for you and so proud of you," Kit tells her, regarding the job. "I mean it. I can't think of someone more perfect for the job."

Jade touches her chin to her chest insecurely. "Thank you."

"Are the hours intense?"

"To begin with probably," Jade says. "And then, like, seasonally. Different events and fundraisers and shit will mean longer hours finalising stuff, I think. I don't really know."

"But you'll still have free time?" Kit feels her lip curling up into a smile.

Jade returns said smile. "Of course." But then, "I am working, like, six days a week. But it's fine. I'll always find time for you, don't worry."

Then Jade quickly kisses Kit's mouth.

They spend the evening watching the soccer game with Theo, no homework to worry about tonight since Theo got all the help she needed from Elora since she's smarter, a fact they all know. Theo takes herself up to get ready for bed once the game is over, upset with the referee for making several bad calls. While the shower water runs above them, Kit and Jade stifle their laughs for Theo's passion for the sport. It's all in good faith, their laughter. It's just cute watching all the emotion come out of her tiny body like that.

"Oh my God, have you shown her Bend It Like Beckham?" Jade asks, clutching her stomach. Her head is in Kit's lap, hair fanned across her thighs for Kit to weave her fingers through.

"Not yet," Kit says. Undoubtedly, Theo would love it. "But I kinda don't wanna show her it and have to deal with her saying how old the movie is. That's the real hard part about having kids. How everything before them suddenly becomes ancient." She laughs and it makes Jade's head wobble, making Jade laugh too.

"You gotta show her it," Jade encourages.

"We should watch it together," Kit suggests.

The mood softens and warms immediately after that, like it always does when Kit suggests the idea of them as a trio, as a family, doing something together. Makes her insides feel candlelit.

Jade hums. "That'd be nice."

When they head up to bed, Jade makes a beeline to the bathroom, now desperate for the toilet, so Kit sticks her head in Theo's room. She's propped up in bed with her reading light illuminating the pages of her book, the new one from Jade for Christmas. She can barely put it down.

"Hey," Kit says.

"Hi," Theo says.

"Just saying goodnight," Kit says.

Theo smiles. "Goodnight mom."

"Sweet dreams, baby."

"Tell Jade goodnight too."

"Okay. Love you." Kit begins to slide out the door as Theo returns her words, shutting her door again quietly.

Jade meets her in the bedroom, where they strip down into their pyjamas (Kit to her actual pyjamas and Jade into a pair of shorts and t-shirt Kit never wears and thinks look much better on Jade. They're going to sort out getting Jade to bring some of her stuff to Kit's so they don't have to do the teenage girl sharing of clothes ritual, but at the same time who doesn't love that ritual?) and begin their respective night routines of moisturisers, hair coverings, and melatonin doses.

That first night they spent together was a one of it's kind. Of course they've found time to fool around since, but quickly or quietly, and not to the extents of that night. But Kit isn't mad at that. Sure, she'd love to get freaky some more with Jade, but she wouldn't dream of giving up these domestic bedtimes with her. It makes her feel like they're an old married couple, especially when Jade jumps at Kit's cold feet pressing against her.

"Theo says goodnight, by the way," Kit says and Jade smiles in place of an answer containing words.

They fall asleep with Jade's head on Kit's chest, and Kit wakes up to the reverse.

She slams off her alarm as quickly as she can without disturbing Jade too much, knowing damn well Jade can get another hour at least of sleep before she needs to get up.

Kit carefully removes herself from their embrace, quietly taking herself to the bathroom and having her morning shower. It's still dark outside. If she weren't living with a child, Kit would still wake up before dawn. She imagines all the morning runs she could take as the world begins to wake up. All the things she could get done before breakfast. Once Theo's old enough to wake up by herself and be trusted in the house alone, Kit will start doing this. Or, maybe, Theo doesn't need to be old enough, but for someone else to be in the house as well.

The idea sends Kit under the stream of water, letting it run over her face and into her mouth.

Jade doesn't stir while Kit finds her clothes for the day. She's headed into the office today, gets to join in on a meeting after lunch so has to look decent. She finds some smart trousers, a matching blazer. Remembers she hates business-wear and wishes her mom was just slightly cooler as to allow for a business-casual, emphasis on casual, wardrobe, but gets no such luck in the few minutes it takes for her to find a shirt.

Breakfast is a fun meal. Primarily because Kit is good at breakfast, but also because she and Theo both love a sweet breakfast. Anything from a bowl of fruit to pancakes to chocolate filled pastries. It just works. It wakes Kit up enough and gets her going until it's officially snack time mid morning.

While this morning's batch of waffles cook, Kit goes to wake up Theo. She gentles strokes her back, finding her daughter lying mostly on her stomach, hair in her face and still barely knotted. Tangled, probably. But not knotted and never matted. Perfect hair.

Kit coos Theo awake and tells her breakfast will be ready in a couple of minutes. Theo sleepily nods her head and says she'll be down.

Portioning out the waffles, Kit puts two on Theo's plate, two on hers, then saves the last two for Jade. On her own, she stacks strawberries and raspberries. She leaves Theo's bare so she can choose her own topping. Then she pours them both a glass of pineapple juice, her own heftier than the eleven year olds.

Theo joins her still half sleep and in her pyjamas, hopping up onto the breakfast bar. There, she requests fruit like her mom's (as well as some chocolate chips, which Kit had predicted and thus already got the bag out) and begins to eat. Her pace quickens with each bite, gaining more and more energy to wolf down her food and practically chug her juice.

Kit reminds her to slow down and she does, barely.

Still by the time Kit has finished her breakfast and entered the bathroom to make her head look presentable, there has been no noise from Jade. She's tempted to check her pulse, but she has an idea of how that'll end (being pulled down onto the bed and kissed silly) and cannot afford the wrinkles in her trousers right now. Kit styles her hair in the way that she likes and puts on the moisturiser Elora swore by in college and thus Kit has sworn by since college, despite, you know, working for a completely different skincare brand with a moisturiser of its own. Oops.

Theo mostly gets herself ready, chooses her own clothes and packs her bag by herself. Normally, she does her hair by herself as well since her go-to style is straight down her back. When she wants a ponytail, Kit helps her get the parting right and smooth over any bumps, but she can do most of it by herself. So Kit leaves her to her own devices and takes herself downstairs to check her emails. Not her work ones though, just the normal ones about deals and offers on these brands and which artists are coming to a venue near her. One from her mom stands out to her and she is reminded that she needs to order her birthday present before it's too late.

This is when Jade wanders downstairs for the first time. Her hair is free but twisted back into a bun of sorts. She looks tired, but awake.

"Good morning," Kit says cheerily.

"You didn't wake me?" Jade says, a hint of offence in her voice. Or maybe that's the sleep.

"You were asleep, why would I wake you up?" Kit points out.

"But-"

"Hey, don't stress, okay? You haven't missed anything. It's still early," Kit tells her, joining her around the other side of the kitchen island. "Here, I made waffles. You can put whatever on them, or if you don't want them I can take them to work for lunch- Oh, shit I gotta pack Theo's lunch."

Kit quickly but expertly packs up Theo's lunch box. Sandwich in one section, fruit in another, snack in a third. So on and so forth. Jade picks at one waffle for a long time.

"You're not a morning person anymore?" Kit asks, remembering Jade in their teens getting up to run or swim or whatever the fuck before school began.

"I am, I just wanted..." Jade drifts off and puts a piece of waffle in her mouth instead of finishing her sentence.

"Wanted what?" Kit asks.

Jade sighs, looking at the counter. Maybe she just isn't a morning person anymore, maybe that's just something else that's reversed between them. But Kit is sensing a bad vibe.

So when Theo calls for her help, it's like a blessing.

"Coming!"

Finding Theo in the downstairs bathroom, her preferred bathroom for getting herself ready, Kit is expecting an unfinished ponytail to examine. Instead, Theo is red-faced and huffing with irritation, hair a little wild as it sits around her shoulders.

"Oh-"

"Can you help me please?" Theo asks, sounding annoyed that she has to even ask.

"Of course I can." Kit sweeps into the room and stands behind her daughter in the mirror. They really couldn't look less alike.

Obviously this is hyperbolic. Theo, you know, came from Kit and is supposedly biologically half of Kit. And, yes, when Kit really looks at their reflections side by side (vertically side by side. Underneath? Stacked together? Oh, it's too early for this sort of thing) she can see very clear similarities. Their straight, roman-esque noses. The faint freckles, which are far more prominent during the summer. Their partings are the sane when Theo isn't brushing it into a middle part.

But then there's her dark eyes, her dark hair. Thick hair, broad eyebrows, long lashes.

Kit gathers her daughter's hair as if to put into a low pony, but then lets it's fan out down her back. She runs her fingers through it. "How can I help?"

"Um-" Theo drops her head and starts biting her thumbnail. Strange.

"Seriously, what's up?" Kit says. "As long as you're not about to tell me you want it cut into a bob right now before school, I can manage."

Theo loves her hair. It used to be down to her hips, then over the summer she was getting too hot and agitated so Kit suggested she get some of it cut off. Not a lot, just enough that it's more manageable for the both of them. So her hair was cut to her mid back. Since then, it's grown significantly, almost reaching her hips again. Stick straight like usual and healthy as anything. Kit's not jealous at all.

"I want a plait," Theo says, almost embarrassed.

"Oh, okay." They've done plaits before.

"Can you, like, do the one where it starts up here?" Theo points to the top of her head.

"Sure I can."

Okay, so, Kit hasn't braided her own hair since she was maybe Theo's age, and that was for gymnastic meets and comps, so she has some practice when it comes to French braiding, which is what she's assuming Theo is talking about when she asked for it to begin at her crown. But it's been a while. And the only plaits she ever does for Theo now are two pig tails or one straight down her back, often before bed when Theo wants slightly wavy hair.

But Kit dives straight in anyway. Starts weaving strands of Theo's hair in the motion of a French braid. Before she gets too far, they check in the mirror about any strands coming out, so Theo carefully pulls out two pieces at the front.

It gets easier the further down she goes, and by the end she's speeding so far down the length of her hair that she drops it all together because she'd reached the end. Not enough fell out of the braid to cause a panic, so Kit once again finishes off the braid, this time with care, and asks for a band from Theo to tie it off with.

Not her best work for sure. Would fall out immediately if she had to do competitive gymnastics routines in it. But she doesn't, so it'll do.

"You like it?" Kit puts her hands on her shoulders and leans down so their faces are next to each other.

Theo nods. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome." Then, "How come you were so upset when I came in to help?"

Theo shrugs, but then she admits, "I wanted to do it by myself but I couldn't figure it out."

"It's never a problem to ask for help," Kit reminds her.

"I know."

Kit checks her watch and makes an alarmed sound at the time. "You need to get going!" She says, hurrying herself for whatever reason. Theo jumps at the rush, running out toward the front door for her shoes.

Running back to Kit, who now stands in the hallway between the kitchen and bathroom, Theo plants a kiss on her mom's cheek and says she'll see her later, which Kit returns and waves her goodbye.

Through all of this, Jade is still sat at the counter eating her waffles.

"Everything okay?" says Jade.

Kit nods. "Helping her with her hair. I gotta get going soon if you want a lift?"

Jade nods quickly. "Sure."

But something still feels off.

*

AIRK: hey r u going to mom's thing

KIT: Her party? Yeah lol

AIRK: thank god
AIRK: i just read her email and wtf????
AIRK: who emails a birthday invitation???
AIRK: to their kids????????

KIT: Mom

AIRK: do u think it's a proper formal thing

KIT: Idk what does it say in the email

AIRK: not helpful
AIRK: who's ur plus 1

KIT: My girlfriend??????? Obviously

AIRK: girlfriend?!?!?!?!?!?
AIRK: when did that happen
AIRK: wait hold on

"When did that happen?" Airk asks, continuing their conversation through the phone.

With her day off, Kit had been planning to go for a long run before Theo got back from school. Now she guesses she can at least make a start and go for a walk. Maybe a jog.

"I mean, we haven't exactly spoken about it," Kit admits. "But Theo called her my girlfriend, so that's good enough for me."

"Awesome," says Airk. "But also you should defintely have that conversation."

"Pssh."

Kit should. She will. It's just a matter of when. And to Kit, the ideal when is added onto the conversation of asking Jade to come to Sorsha's birthday party with her. That should be a no brainer as well, since Jade's dad is meant to be flying over for it. But Kit still needs to ask. She files that away in her to-do list, among with buying her mom that present and double checking that her and Theo's wardrobe consists of something fitting within in her mother's dress code for the afternoon.

"How's Jade liking the new job?" Airk asks, moving swiftly on.

"Loving it, as far as I'm aware." She doesn't ask how Airk knows because she is more than aware of the fact that her brother possibly talks to Jade more than she does. But that has something to do with gym groups, Kit thinks. Something gym-related. Though, he's back in Vermont with his roommate now, his professional gymnastics career more or less over now and instead moving onto coaching, so how Jade's Brooklyn based gym and-or gym group has anything to do with him she doesn't know. She doesn't think she cares, either.

"It reminds her of her old job with her sister," Kit says.

"You know what I never understood?" Airk says, shuffling around on his end. "Why she left that job."

Hmm. Kit hadn't thought of that.

"Like, from what I've heard, she was in love with that job, had been doing it for years. Devoted so much of herself to it. And then, what? Gave it all up to be a personal trainer to some movie star in LA for fifteen months? To then move to New York?" Airk sounds as conspiratorial as he did when they used to get high and put on Ancient Aliens in high school. "Something's not adding up."

"It was the pay, wasn't it?" Kit says, sure of it. "She said it was an offer she couldn't refuse."

Airk makes a noise. "Look, all I'm saying, is if someone offered me a job in, I don't know, Australia, to become a-" He pauses to think of a comparison. "A, uh, lifeguard. I dunno. I don't care what the pay is I wouldn't give up gymnastics for it."

"Well, that job paid well and also paid for you to travel the world," Kit points out.

He makes another noise. "Fair. But still."

"I don't think it's that big of a deal," Kit says, picking up her pace from a walk to a slow jog. "Or really our business."

"She hated being uprooted," Airk says.

And, yeah. Kit's reminded all of a sudden of when the three of them spent a day at the beach when they were fifteen for Jade's mom's birthday and Jade just spilled all of these confessions about how much she hated moving around after being orphaned and adopted. "Sometimes I wish I never left Newcastle," Jade had said, head between her knees. Then she took this long, shaky sigh. "But then I wouldn't have you guys." She took Kit's hand in hers before Airk's, squeezing them both and giving them a smile.

Moving from Newcastle, where she was born, to her dad's last known place of residence with her social worker, to finding her siblings all with a different mom but none wanting another, quote, 'bastard to look after', to then going back to the North where Ballentine adopted her. Then moving to the states, where she stayed for over a decade of her life in one place. Grew happy and content with her life. Just to go and move back to England. From the Midlands to London. In Kit's mind, that'd be enough for her. But for Jade to then move back to California, to then move again to New York a year later? Okay, maybe Airk is onto something.

"Whatever," Kit says, brushing it off regardless. It's nothing. Or, rather, what could it possibly be?

"You know I'm right," he says, smug.

"I know you remember key things about your friend and are applying them to a current situation. I don't know what that means, though."

"Ask her."

"Ew. No." Kit grimmaces. "Have you considered that maybe she moved so much for me?" Kit is aware of how self absorbed that sounds but she's also aware of the high likelihood of this being the reason. One of the reasons. 

She hears Airk hum and then he says, "That's on track." Then, without explaining further, he wishes her a good run and hangs up the phone. Kit refuses to think about this while she runs. 

*

February brings in a frost and with it a flu-like sickness bug that spreads throughout the entirety of the middle school. Of course Theo would come down with it.

Between them, they've had their fair shares of colds, bugs, flus and ailments. That comes with parenting. Objectively, Theo has had much worse sicknesses than a flu. She was in and out of hospital at three years old with all sorts of life threatening things.

Still, when Theo comes home on Valentine's day with a horribly stuffed nose, it only got worse. Only as bad as a bad cold. Nothing that has Kit scared for her daughter's life or anything. But what follows is two sleepless nights for Kit spent sat in the armchair usually reserved for clean clothes in Theo's bedroom, swapping from uncomfortable position to uncomfortable position.

The first night she does get a couple hours of sleep here and there. Just Theo's cough often startling the both of them awake. Mostly it's just Kit's worrying that keeps her up.

Then the second night she spends it sat on the floor beside her bed with a sick bucket at the ready, constantly checking Theo's temperature.

By midday, when Theo rouses, she claims to be feeling much better. Of course, Kit doesn't send her to school, but Theo still wants to go to her dad's tonight. She does look better, colour in her face again, and the fact that she got up and came downstairs for the first time in two days. So Kit allows it, knowing damn well instead of just herself, now a total of four people will inevitably come down with this flu.

Graydon and Elora knew she was under the weather since Wednesday night, but Kit updates them and handed her over after the school time rush is over.

If it were a normal week, Kit would have been over the moon to be child free. Valentine's day happens to also be Jade's birthday. But they both agreed to do something on the Friday instead of the actual day because of their schedules. Kit doesn't know what's in store for the evening, because Jade insisted on it being a surprise despite it being her birthday. All she knows is she's going to Jade's for the night.

Kit showers thoroughly, disinfecting herself in every possible way without bleach. She puts all the sheets, blankets, pillow covers, and clothes from the last two days on a hot wash, then starts properly disinfecting the place. She'd wiped surfaces and bleached the toilet a couple times, but knows the antibacterial smell makes Theo feel even more nauseous when she's sick, so often holds off on a deep clean until the house is empty enough. Twenty four hours (or close to) is a good enough time span for the smell to hopefully go away.

With her overnight bag in hand, Kit runs a hand through her hair. She doesn't want to go. She'll only be a couple of hours away, she tries to reason with herself, so if Theo does happen to take a turn for the worse she can always come back. And she'll only be gone for the night.

Before leaving, Kit props open a couple windows to get some fresh air in the house, but not wide enough for Lux or Arnie to escape. Then she texts Elora, who is going to be coming over in the morning to take Lux on a short walk and feed the pets, so she can check that nothing has been stolen or robbed and to please shut the windows if the smell of disinfectant has faded. Then Kit puts down a hefty amount of food for both the cat and dog and hope it lasts them until the morning.

It takes her a while to start the car. She's tired, she's worried, and she doesn't want to go and have an amazing evening while Theo is sick. But Kit shakes her head and gives herself a small, not at all embarrassing pep talk. She's an adult. It's her girlfriend's birthday and Valentine's day. She has Jade's birthday present tucked in her bag (a hoodie she hinted at wanting). Theo is in safe, loving hands.

So, pulling out of the drive, Kit reminds herself that she is not a pet with separation anxiety and she will not whine at the door until her owner comes home.

Jade has a romantic evening prepared for Kit, including heart-shaped baked goods, a selection of movies, and, though this was maybe supposed to a secret until later, when Jade bends down to retrieve something from the floor, Kit sees the tell-tale lace of sexy lingerie.

Kit is in Jade's apartment for all of twenty minutes before she falls fast asleep. Next thing she knows, she's waking up to the end credits of Tangled, a blanket draped over her legs and an arm around her shoulders. Her pillow isn't a pillow but Jade's lap.

"Oh, shit-" Kit grumbles, groggy and still full of sleep. She slept through the whole movie. She doesn't even remember the movie starting. Hell, now she thinks of it, she must have been on auto pilot the whole journey to Jade's because she remembers none of it. Did she lock her car? Where the fuck did she park?

"Hey." Jade's voice is calming, gentle. Sweet and thick as honey. "Sleep well?"

Kit tries to sit up. Or, rather, by her lack of movement, she thinks really hard about sitting up before deciding against it. She sighs, though. "How long was I out?"

"Not long," Jade says. "The whole movie, but that's only an hour and a half."

Kit balls up her hands into fists and closes her eyes. Then she brings her hands to her face, pressing the heels of her hands hard against her eyes until she sees white stars and her head starts to hurt. She feels Jade's warm hand wrap lightly around one of her wrists.

"Not slept much lately?" She guesses.

"At all," Kit corrects. "Theo's not been very well."

"Is she okay?" Jade asks.

Kit nods. "Just the flu. It's not pretty but I think she's on the up now."

Now Jade nods. "Oh, you got a text while you were asleep. A few, actually. I didn't wanna check them for you and invade anything so I just-"

This makes Kit up like she's being propelled forward by a rocket. She grabs her phone that's been tossed at her feet and unlocks it as fast as she can when her eyes are still adjusting to being awake.

A check-in text from Elora has her sighing in relief.

ELORA: I'll make sure your stuff hasn't been stolen don't worry. We've just had dinner and so far Theo's kept down some toast so I think she's over the worst of it. Enjoy your night with Jade!! :)

"All okay?" Jade says. Kit looks over her shoulder at Jade's worried face, hand outstretched for Kit, or maybe just resting in the warmth of where Kit had previously been lying.

"All good."

Repositioning herself to sit beside Jade, Kit sighs and leans into the warm body beside her.

"I am sorry I fell asleep. I know tonight was meant to be special." The guilt is creeping up through Kit the more she wakes up.

Jade moves her shoulders in what feels like a shrug. "I don't mind. It was just a movie," she says. "And, anyway, tonight isn't that special."

This Kit objects to. Mentally, at least.

It is, by definition, special because of several leading factors that make this evening an abnormal one. For starters, this being their first Valentine's Day as a couple. Not that they're huge Valentine's people, agreed to not make a huge deal over the capitalist holiday.

Closely following is the first of Jade's birthdays they've celebrated since breaking up in high school. Last year they were too busy (in other words, Kit was too busy avoiding her feelings and dealing with her life) to do anything for Jade's birthday besides a belated text.

It's also the first time Kit is spending the night in Jade's bed rather than the other way around. It normally works out better for both of them to come to Kit's, but this is the one exception, allowing them more privacy and freedom.

Among other things.

Hence: Special.

Jade continues, "I'm just happy you're here, honestly."

There is an itch inside of Kit that tells her to not trust this, that it isn't okay that she fell straight asleep. But she trusts Jade more than her own mind, so she believes her.

They stick on another movie (Jade's choice, what with it being her place and her celebration, of D.E.B.S.) and order in Jade's favourite Thai food, the evening melting into a slow, relaxing evening Kit was definitely in need of. They eat, they watch the movie, they exchange gifts (the both ways exchanging of gifts was not something Kit was prepared for, but apparently Jade, who should be way more frugal with her money and stop buying Kit every little thing she sees that reminds her of her, couldn't not buy her the little stuffed cat because "It looks like you").

Kit doesn't regain her energy throughout the night, but she does go from sleepy to sultry for long enough for their kissing to progress to more. In the bedroom, she is the acting pillow princess for the evening, which apparently really works for Jade, who's compliments to the chef are entirely muffled by Kit's thighs around her head.

Then, it's back to sleepy. Almost immediately. She finishes, Jade licks her lips, Kit opens her mouth to ask if Jade needs finishing off as well but instead a yawn slips out that she can conceal. It makes Jade laugh and Kit struggles to be embarrassed or feel anything remotely negative when she hears that sound.

Kit is happy to go straight to sleep afterwards, but Jade drags her up and out of bed, into the bathroom. In an act of intimacy Kit isn't sure she's ever been shown, Jade undresses her, clipping off their matching necklaces, then does the same to herself, before turning on the water. While they wait for the water to get hot, Jade brushes the hair that hangs in asymmetrically draped curtains over Kit's forehead and brow behind her ears, cupping her face in her hands, and placing a soft kiss between her eyes. 

"What are we doing?" Kit asks quietly, hand wrapped in Jade's as they both try to fit underneath the stream.

"I didn't want you to go to bed without showering," Jade says.

Kit feels her nose wrinkle and eyes crease as she smiles and says, "What? I smell that bad?"

Again, Jade just smiles. "No, of course not." She then explains that she'd assumed Kit wouldn't have had much time to herself over the last couple of days. When Kit informs her that she showered before coming over, Jade then tells her, "Decontamination showers don't count."

So, Jade then washes Kit's hair for her. Pushing around the shampoo like a masseuse. Running conditioner-lathered fingers through the ends of her hair, pulling apart the tangles gathered from the evening like they might snap.

Her soap is an actual bar of soap, not a bottle of body wash, and they laugh as they lather it up with soap and suds. They laugh harder when they drop it. Kit runs her soap covered hands across Jade's chest, then a hand down her stomach. Jade is busy cleaning Kit's hips. The water temperature is suddenly way too high.

Kit kisses her. It's not the nicest of kisses because the momentum sends them under the stream. Then Jade's foot slips and they both almost fall over and agree to save anything sexy for outside of the shower.

Though, once they're out and dry, nothing happens. Jade wraps the towel around her waist expertly, then moving to dry off Kit's body and hair for her. The intimacy continues when she offers her esteemed moisturiser. At this point, Kit is starting to feel ridiculous, so she only agrees if she can put it on herself. Jade relents, as if its painful to not he touching Kit for a couple of minutes. She spends those minutes sat in only her towel, watching with hungry eyes as Kit runs her hands all over her own body. When it's over, Jade shakes her head clear and they're back to business as usual despite none of this being normal.

With silky smooth skin, Kit crawls underneath Jade's sheets. Sitting comfortably, she suddenly remembers. "Oh, hey, have I spoken to you about my mom's birthday?"

Jade shakes her head, pulling up her boxer shorts. "I don't think so."

Two years ago, when Sorsha turned fifty, she was determined for it to just be a normal birthday. This coming from the woman who held parties for everything during the twins' youth was strange and, predictably, regrettable. So, she had a boring birthday where Airk took her for lunch and Kit bought her tickets to the ballet when she came to visit a week later. Ever since, she has been trying to make up for what she lost.

Last year, Kit couldn't make it because of conflicting plans and work and school and it was too much. Also too close to the Thanksgiving Stabbing TM for her liking. Plus, she was deep, deep into ignoring her repressed feelings for Jade at the time, so, yeah. More important things.

She has to be there this year. She and Theo are already going, and Graydon, Elora and Margot were invited but they're yet to RSVP.

"She, like, personally invited you. I don't think she actually sent out invitations, but, like, when she was asking me about it she said, and I quote, 'Make sure Jade gets the invite as well, I want her to know she's as much a part of this family as you and Airk or even Elora'. She said nothing about my child." Kit has decided this is because the excitement of party planning clouded the part of Sorsha's mind that is working on being a better person. That, and she offered to pay for three plane tickets for them, so she's aware that there'd be another person with Kit and Jade and she doesn't know who else Sorsha could possibly think they'd bring with them. Airk already confirmed he's got a separate plane ticket offer.

Jade laughs at the story. "Sounds like her," she says. "When is it?"

"Spring break." Sorsha was conflicted because she wanted everyone to be able to come (so, yeah, she must have known Theo was coming if she was planning it around the school term, right?) but didn't want everywhere to be full of drunk college kids. "We're going for the full two weeks 'cause I want some sun and think Theo deserves a holiday, honestly. But if you can't take that much time off or don't want to stay for that long that's fine as well."

Jade nods her head. "I'll see what I can do. I'll definitely be there for the party, don't worry. I know what happened last time I didn't accompany you to a party your mum planned." Then she pokes Kit in the belly, which makes her yelp, which Jade mistakes as a sign to start tickling Kit.

Kit cries out in protest, unable to stop the laughter and stream of tears now running down her face. But Jade climbs over her lap and pins her down.

Breathless, Kit puts a warning hand on her elbow. "I'm dead serious, my bladder is not what it used to be. I can work on my pelvic floor at the gym as much as I want but I will piss myself if you don't stop tickling me right now." It's a threat and the truth.

Jade holds her hands up in surrender and climbs off. She uses Kit's shoulder as a pillow momentarily, then moves further down to her chest.

"I love this with you," she says, sort of to the air.

"What? Making me piss myself?"

Jade snorts. "No. Just... Just being. I like being with you. It makes me feel right. Proper."

Kit wants to say something cute, but instead chooses to mock Jade's accent and pronunciation of Proper. She receives a slap to the face, though it's just the back of Jade's hand aimlessly hitting her jaw without any strength behind it. They laugh.

After a while, Kit admits, "I like being with you, too. Makes me feel like I've taken the right path in life." Even if she had to walk the same route every day of her life so her own personal dirt path was tracked into the grass for her specific journey. She'd get rid of sidewalks all together for Jade. Walk the fastest way to her and make sure it is engraved in the earth forever.

Chapter Text

Airports are generally hell for Kit. Not for any of the usual reasons that airports would be hell for someone, like a fear of flying, or agoraphobes, or poor time management, or the concept of country/state borders and illegal activity, or germaphobia. Just because she doesn't have a good time in them. Normally an argument always breaks out between someone.

No arguments have occurred as of yet, but she's still pissed. And she has a raging UTI right now that she does not want to talk about thank you very much.

Chugging her cranberry juice, she weaves her way through the crowds of travellers to where she left her bag with her daughter and partner. They're reading a magazine together, pointing at a page with glee. If Kit hadn't been conditioned to be agitated as soon as she's stepped foot inside of an airport, the sight would make her smile. But alas.

"Feeling better?" Jade asks, a smile pulling at her lips as her eyes flick down to the juice in Kit's hand.

"Fuck off," Kit says. "This is your fault."

"I told you to pee!"

Jade did in fact urge Kit to get up and go to the toilet instead of just falling asleep and dealing with it later, but Kit didn't listen. She was already half asleep at that point anyway so there wasn't much talking sense into her. Still, she blames Jade.

"Yeah, 'cause if you hold your pee for too long mom your liver can fail." Theo helpfully nods. Not at all relevant to the need to pee Jade and Kit are talking about but still useful information and the right spirit.

"Exactly," Jade says. "Do you want your liver to fail?"

Kit blinks at them, with their identically cocked heads and crossed arms, their smug faces and know-it-all smiles.

"I should never have introduced you two. You're menaces, both of you." She falls into her seat beside Theo, drinking some more of the juice.

She keeps telling herself that this would all be so much worse if Jade hadn't been able to get it off work. Only four days including two flying days, but that's more than enough for Kit who hasn't flown to her mother's house since that eventful Thanksgiving where she got stabbed. Which, you know, was eighteen months ago. But it's fine! She's totally not freaking out about it or anything.

There isn't anything to worry about, because Sorsha is getting better. She's seeking help for her mental health and getting a diagnosis. All by her own volition, nobody forced her as far as Kit is aware. That being said, her childhood was full of empty promises with the same cover. She was always getting better.

Kit believes her this time around. But her stomach aches with the anticipation of a sudden drop.

From Airk's frantic texts about missing flights - which he has never done, which is impressive for a number of reasons including but not limited to: his mediocre time management, the amount of flights he has taken for competitions, classes and events, his habit of getting carried away with literally everything and forgetting his priorities, and so on - Kit can assume he is feeling a similar way.

Over New Year's, which was their first New Year's together in a number of years, Theo went to her friend's house for a party and Elora had the flu so she was quarantined with Graydon and Margot. This left Kit and Airk to party alone, Jade off in the UK again. Airk is a much harder partier than Kit so it wasn't the best of matches, but they compromised and booked tickets in advance to this bar Kit always heard good things about from people she knew. It was the middle ground for Airk's request of clubbing and Kit's preferred option of going to the closest Irish bar where she gets discounted prices because the manager is in love with her after they slept together once seven years ago.

So, in a fairly loud very busy bar on December thirty-first, almost January first, Kit weaselled out the events of the day after Thanksgiving from Airk.

Famously, Sorsha hit and proxy-stabbed Kit that day due to her mania and functioning alcoholic tendencies. She had never done something like this before and hasn't done anything similar since.

That being said, Airk's eyes went sort of distant as he numbly confessed, "She, uh, she woke up and accused me of ruining the day. Her whole life even. Kicked me out and threw all my high-school stuff out. Hit me and shit. We had the police called on us and they had to sedate her."

"Jesus Christ," Kit had muttered. They sat in silence for a while. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged his shoulders, looking like he did when they were ten, not thirty, then smiled at her in a sad way. "I don't know. I really don't know."

That was that. They've spoken more about it since, over text here and there when Airk drops a new piece of lore or Kit talks about it.

So, naturally, both twins have their concerns with seeing her again and being at the scene of the crime another time. Jade will be a good anchor for both of them, as well as Theo. Theo probably less than Jade because Jade was actually there for Sorsha's episode.

(Jade told Kit, after Kit told her about Airk, that he'd stayed with her for the rest of his time in LA that week and had been really shaken up about everything. Kept stranger than normal sleep habits and avoided mirrors while the bruise across his eye and almost broken nose healed. Kit hadn't known that when Airk said their mom had hit them he hadn't meant a slap like she'd gotten, but with the belongings of his she was throwing out onto the street. A childhood lamp hit him in the eye. He was lucky the thing didn't shatter and blind him.)

Kit's foot starts to tap out an irregular rhythm. Immediately, Jade takes one of her hands between both of hers and squeezes it tight. They've not spoken about Kit's worries because Jade can read Kit like a book she's read a million times. Tabbed pages and notes written in the margins. Loved despite the rips and creases.

Jade makes a noise and nods to the display showing departure times. "I think our gate's opening."

*

The first thing Kit notices upon welcoming her mother's party guests and directing them to the garden, offering to take their jackets and bags for them, taking gifts to the gift table in the hallway, all that stuff, is that all the faces are familiar. She can't pinpoint most of them because her mother has had so many friends over the years and Kit has been a hostess to so many of her mother's events. Then an alarming amount of them tell her and Airk, who is also on host duty, because what else are your offspring for if not to open the door and act as unpaid staff at your birthday parties, how much they've grown up from when they last saw them or how small they were when they knew the twins.

It reminds Kit of the awkward start to Boorman's birthday dinner. Then Airk pulls her aside while he hangs up a blazer, definitely a one man job but Kit won't refuse an escape from smiling at people she doesn't know but know her.

"Did mom just invite all of dad's old friends to her birthday party?" He hisses, distress well hidden in the creases in his eyes.

That's where Kit recognises them from!

Madmartigan's lousy band practices and even lousier gigs at dive bars that stank of stale smoke and ale. Or parties her parents would host together so both of their friends would get an invite. A rare occasion with a control freak like Sorsha.

At this spitting thought, Kit reminds herself that many of Madmartigan's friends were his friends from college, and thus were also Sorsha's friends. They went to the same school after all. These are people Sorsha probably hasn't spoken to in almost twenty years, disregarding the odd threatening email sent after her husband's death asking about said death and if they knew anything about it. That doesn't count. That was a grieving, manic Sorsha speaking.

"Guess so?" Kit says.

Airk frowns at her. "You don't think something is up with that?"

Kit shrugs. "I dunno. Why?"

They return to their places, pointing down the hallway for newcomers and smiling a bit wider at faces she thinks she's seen before in old pictures of her parents as teenagers.

"It's honestly freaking me out a bit," Airk whispers to her between greetings. "I'm, like, getting all sad and weird 'cause I knew these guys when I was a baby."

Kit hadn't really thought of it like that.

He says, "Do you not remember these guys?"

Kit makes a face. There's faint recognition. The young men she knows from the photos are all middle aged now, pot-bellied and greying. Still, they look enough like their younger selves for her to know their faces. But their names? No chance.

Airk shrugs it off.

Later, when Kit is stuck in a conversation at the drinks table in the yard with one of Sorsha's colleagues, a conversation which she desperately wants out of because she simply cannot keep talking about how wonderful the job is that she plans on leaving soon (she swears), she notices someone. Over the woman's shoulder, a man with longish hair and a distinct voice.

It awakens a memory in Kit and immediately she whips her head around, searching for her brother's eyes. There he is, opposite side of the garden, eyes wide in the same recognition and shock.

Kit excuses herself.

"These are, like, dad's best friends," she hisses at Arik.

Unable to suppress the look of horror across his face, Airk rubs his hand across his stubbled jaw and nods. Then he directs her attention to the patio, specifically the man standing on the patio.

Kit squints, then feels the air get knocked out of her. "Jesus Christ, your namesake is here? What is her problem?"

Very quickly, Kit starts to worry that this has all been a front for their mother's worst manic episode to date. She's invited all of her dead ex-husband's friends to one location and will proceed to commit heinous atrocities until she receives the answer she has been waiting for for nearly two decades: Why did Madmartigan kill himself?

Like she's on the set of one of the Saw films, Kit looks away.

She finds herself meeting Airk's eyes again and knows he's thinking the same thing.

"She wouldn't," he says. "Would she?"

"I don't know."

"She's not a criminal," Airk says.

"You don't sound very convincing," Kit says. But she knows he's right. Their mom may be unwell but she isn't unstable to the point of criminal activity to the scale of revenge-fuelled mass murder. Maybe at one point she might've been. But not now.

Still, the twins mull over the probability of this outrageous horror story being the truth for as long as it takes them to finish their beers. Then,

"Let's talk to her," Kit decides.

Sorsha is in the kitchen despite the staff she has hired to do the catering for her garden party. She's plucking around the platters, making it all look just as she wants it.

"Happy Birthday mom!" Airk musters up all the glee he can.

Turning to her children, Sorsha coos, kisses her son on the cheek, then fusses over how many buttons are undone on Kit's shirt.

"Why did you invite all of dad's friends?" Kit slaps away her hand, getting right to the point.

Despite Kit's slap being closer to a light tap, Sorsha brings her hand to her chest, clutching her pearls (literally, she's donning her Vivienne Westwood pearls for the first time in years) as her face shifts into an expression like Kit has just beat her down. Although, Kit supposes that if Sorsha can hear the accusation in her voice, which she historically can, she has a reason to look so offended.

"I don't want to know what you two have been conspiring about, okay? I'm not upset, but I won't tolerate implications like that," Sorsha diplomatically days. This, in fairness, is further proof of how far she has come. Kit needs to stop undermining her.

"All she did was ask you a question," Airk races to her defence, going as far as to step forward as if to become her shield. If the roles were reversed, Kit, too, would rush to defend her brother because in the past a commentary like this usually leads to a nasty brawl. Kit touches his wrist in thanks.

Sorsha tuts.

"Sorry," Kit says. "Sorry. I think I'm just tired." It's a lie, but if Sorsha is making the effort to be better then Kit will too. "But, seriously, why did you?"

Airk eyes her profile. She ignores him, just wanting an answer no matter how sappy she has to be to get it.

Sorsha rubs her nose with her thumb, as if wiping it though she's not even close to tears. Then she turns back to the platters, using her other hand to adjust the placement of a bunch of grades on a charcuterie board.

"I was trying to do something nice," she says just when Kit was about to give up on getting the information she wanted. "Something selfish, as well, I suppose. I was trying to reconnect with your father's friends, after all I knew many of them very well as well. A lifetime ago at least."

She swooshes through the room like a swan on a lake, gracefully readjusting trays and utensils and whatnot.

"It wasn't my fault your father lost all connection with his friends, even his band mates. That was all on him and the alcohol. But it was my fault that they never continued to reach out after his death. So I wanted to fix that."

She picks up one platter and puts it in Airk's already waiting hands. Kit looks down and finds hers are ready for use as well.

As Sorsha retrieves the tray for Kit, she says, "I suppose I should have warned you. But I truly didn't know if you'd have remembered any of them."

"I remember Airk," says Airk.

"I recognised Allagash," says Kit.

Sorsha looks at her children mournfully. Then she cups his right cheek and her left cheek in her hands, smiling at both of them, This is her apology. She doesn't say Sorry or express much more remorse than already said, but the twins know well enough when their mom is trying to apologise.

"Now," Sorsha says, calling her hands together. "Take these out then come back for the others."

On their way out, one of the catering staff protests but Sorsha shushes them.

It isn't until everybody has had their first serving of food that Kit and Airk are given permission to dig in. Just like good ol' times. Kit fills up a hefty plate of food she'll devour in less time than it took to fill her plate, then searches the yard for Jade and Theo. She's barely spoken to them since this morning and feels horrible about it. Usually, Elora or Graydon or both of them accompany Kit to these sorts of things so Theo isn't left by herself, or Kit just attends alone. She's sure Theo's loved spending time with Jade, but the point is mute. Swallowing her guilt, Kit spots them on the short wall surrounding the yard - Kit's old smoking spot. The place she and Jade finally sat down and spoke about Theo and everything from the last decade Kit had lied about. Crazy that that was almost three years ago.

Weaving through the ghostly faces, Kit makes her way to them and puts a smile on her face.

Theo calls for her the moment she sees her.

"Hey!" Kit accepts her hug. "Hi, I'm so sorry I haven't spoken to you all day. I've been so busy with grandma and- Urgh, never mind."

In this embrace, Kit notices the change on her daughter's head. No longer is her hair straight down her back in her signature style, but expertly braided in two. Kit pats her head.

"This is nice," she says, inspecting the handiwork. "When did this happen?"

"Jade did it," Theo beams, simply delighted with her hair or maybe the fact that her hair is Jade's doing.

"She was too warm so I offered to help her get her hair off her neck," Jade explains with a smile Kit can't explain entirely.

They look like twins. Not really, for obvious reasons. But their hair is styled similarly now. Jade had stood in the mirror this morning rapidly twisted her curls into two thick braids down her head, leaving some space at the end of the plait for her curls to explode out again. It's a gorgeous style on her, and practical for the weather. Theo's braids end just below her shoulder blades, looking as shiny and thick as a doll's style.

"Well," Kit says, "it's very nice. I hope you said thank you?" She directs this to Theo, who nods.

"I did!"

Jade nods. "She did."

Sighing heavily, Kit takes a seat next to Jade and welcomes Theo's presence on her other side. Another deep sigh falls from her lips.

Jade chuckles at her. "What's up?"

Kit shakes her head. "Really. I don't wanna talk about it right now." She looks around at the yard full of smiling faces encouraging her to come over and talk about investments, or how big she's gotten, or how sorry they are for her dad.

"Actually, though," Kit says. "Could you do me a favour and ask Boorman if he was invited to this? I'll explain after the party I just want, like, ten minutes where I don't have to pretend I'm happy to be my mother's unpaid staff or anything else."

Quizzically, Jade cocks her head. But then, "Okay. Sure. Weird."

Kit sits beside Theo as she tucks into her food, not realising how hungry she'd gotten until the food is in her mouth. It takes seven minutes - Theo started timing her - for her to clear every crumb from her oversized plate and swallow.

"Feel better?" Jade snickers.

Kit nods. "So much better." She asks how their days have been so far.

Jade shrugs, saying, "I mostly keep getting asked about how I know Sorsha, so when I tell them I'm dating her daughter they get all flustered because aren't you married and a mother?"

"Am I?" Kit asks, smiling. "I didn't know that. I'll have to let them know."

Jade laughs. She calmly says, "But it's not awful. I think I know some guys here, I sent some pictures to Ballentine so see what he says."

"I'm surprised Ballentine didn't come," Kit says.

"He wanted to," Jade tells her. "He was texting me about it, but his hands were tied. He's coming out in the summer for a bit, so I'll come and visit him as well, I think." She quickly adds, "If that's alright."

"Why wouldn't it be alright?" Kit frowns. "Of course it is. You don't need my permission to see your dad." She snorts when she laughs.

"I didn't mean it like that," Jade says, less amused than Kit.

Kit shrugs it off and reiterates the question of how her day has been to Theo.

"Grandma's friends keep calling me the wrong name again," she says. "I keep correcting them like you said but they insist Theo is a boys name."

"What do they call you?" Jade asks.

Kit already knows.

"Thea," Theo says. "And then they say that Thea isn't a proper first name and that it has to be short for Theodora or Dorothea or something."

Kit puts her arm around her. "I'm sorry that keeps happening. I've told mom to tell them to pack it in but you know how old people can be." Theo sighs and rests her head against Kit's shoulder.

This has happened more times than Kit is proud of. Not that it's her fault. She's corrected the old women multiple times and often very harshly, but these are the same women who thought 'Kit' was a disrespectful name. There's only so far she can get.

She worried about this when picking a name for her daughter. Not specifically her mother's pack of traditional women with values and whatever other bullshit they have that they claim makes them a full blooded American. But in general the whole world. She wanted a less traditional name, something androgynous too because she didn't find out Theo's gender until she was born. So she needed to cover a lot of ground. All while deciding if the name would get her picked on in class, or by old women.

*

Kit runs her fingers through a sleeping Theo's hair that night, them plus Jade squeezed into one bed. Theo was just coming in for a story, and then she was fast asleep, which Kit should have seen coming.

Jade mutters something very quietly. Her eyes have been trained on Kit for a long time now, though Kit's only been looking at Theo. She can feel eyes on her.

"What was that?" Kit asks her, finally flicking her eyes up. Here, she can see Jade's expression taking in the whole scene in front of her eyes, not just Kit. Oh.

Oh.

Jade blushes, looks down, then meets Kit's eyes. "I want a baby," she says.

It's all Kit can do not to break out into a grin, or laughter, or tears. She doesn't know.

"I know you do."

"What do you mean?" Jade asks.

"That first night," Kit says. "You told me you wanted kids. I knew it was only a matter of time before it came up again. Hold on."

Then, Kit excuses herself and gently shakes Theo awake. She takes her to her bed in her room across the hall, kisses her head as she wraps herself in the sheets.

Jade is sitting up in bed when Kit comes back in, typing something out on her phone.

"Boorman was invited," Jade says as the door shuts. "Sorry. I know we're not talking about that right now but he just replied to me so I thought I'd let you know before I forgot."

"I thought so."

"How come?"

Kit explains her mom's plan, then goes on the tangent about her and Airk's fears of what was happening.

"You should've told me," Jade says. "I'd have helped, or at least stopped you from freaking out."

Kit shrugs, tucking her feet under the covers now. "Thank you. I just got swept up in everything, is all. I wasn't hiding it from you."

"I know."

A short silence settles over them where Kit figures out how to start up the conversation of children again, then Jade speaks up.

"So does Theo get called a different name a lot?"

Shaking her head, Kit says, "Just here, and just when mom's friends are around, which really isn't often." She admits to worrying about this happening when picking a name.

"What other names did you have in mind?" Jade asks, something heavy and full in her voice.

Kit had gone through lots of options. She knew she wanted a short name rather than one that could be shortened because she hated when peopled used her own full name. Then when that really limited her options she loosened the rules a little bit. She spent days at a time on baby name websites, even bought a handful of those baby name books that list the names and popularity of them by year. Those weren't super helpful but she got ideas.

Elora had to advise her against picking all these names from shows, movies and from bands. As well as making sure she wasn't picking stupid names, or names that would look foolish on an adult person.

"I liked Rowan, or Riley," Kit says. She explains that she wanted it to be androgynous. "They were top contenders with Theo. I still like Jamie- Like, oh, I love the idea of having a little boy and calling him Jameson like the whiskey and calling him Whiskey. I don't know. I know that's silly-"

"It's cute. I like that. I like Jamie," Jade says.

"I think - God, this is so stupid, but I think alcohol names are fun? I don't know." Kit laughs to cover up the embarrassment. "Probably more, like, nicknames. But Brandy and Whiskey are fun names, you know?"

Jade nods. "I like that."

"What about you? What names have you always had on you baby names list?" Kit knows for a fact that Jade kept a long list of potential names for children and-or pets throughout high school.

For a while, Jade hums and thinks. Then she shrugs. "I don't know. I've always loved Bear, but I think I like that for a dog more than a kid. Uh-"

Kit laughs to herself. "We should not be allowed to name children. Imagine us with Little Whiskey and Little Bear. We'd be laughed out of town."

Then the mood shifts considerably. What had been light-hearted fooling around shifts into something intimate and warm.

They look at each other and a whole world opens up. Jade doesn't need to say anything, Kit can read her like a native language, the vowels familiar on her tongue.

Something possesses Kit and she says in a low voice, "I can start asking around." Her hands find Jade's. "I know a lot of people who used IVF, I can talk to them and- and I can book us an appointment. And, you know, it's obviously not as easy as bone and wait nine months, so we'll have time to actually talk about names."

She doesn't know where it came from. Doesn't even know why she said it. Maybe, or probably, it was the look in Jade's eyes. Kit a sailor fallen victim to the siren song of Jade's breath. Narcissus lost in the reflection in Jade's eyes.

 Anxious all of a sudden, Kit drops her eyes. "If that's something you want. To do. With me."

There is a lull, a pause long enough for Kit's pulse to race and for her to convince herself she's messed this up forever. Of course she has. They've only been dating for a year and now she's bringing up having children? God, what an idiot! She should just-

Jade's hands release hers. God, she's really done it now, she-

"Kit." Jade touches Kit's chin, then her cheek until she's brushing a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. "I want that. I want that more than anything else." She leans forward and kisses her mouth.

*

KIT: Hey! Are you free tomorrow?

JADE: Yeah what's up?

KIT: Basically Elora has this dress thing for the wedding I need to go to so Airk was going to watch Theo for a couple of hours because Graydon is taking Margot to swimming lessons
KIT: But now Airk is doing something else and if Theo goes to swimming she'll just have to sit in the cafe for like three hours
KIT: Would u mind coming over and watching a movie or something with her?

JADE: I'd love to!

KIT: THANK YOU!
KIT: She's in a mood cus she thinks I'm getting her a babysitter and she swears she's old enough to not need one but you know I just worry. And I completely would leave her by herself and trust her to be fine but I just think we'd all be more comfortable if she had someone

JADE: Lol I completely understand I'll try to be cool
JADE: What time do u want me over?

KIT: Around 10

JADE: Cool I'll be there
JADE: I can stay and make dinner too if you guys want?

KIT: That'd be nice
KIT: Love you

JADE: Love you more

*

Sunday morning, Jade is at her front door at ten o'clock on the dot. Kit welcomes her with a hug, another Thank you and a kiss.

"Theo and Elora will be here shortly," Kit explains as she walks through the house, picking up bits and pieces she's left lying around for the day. "Help yourself to literally anything. My car keys are in the bowl if you need to go anywhere. Literally whatever you want, whatever Theo wants- Well, within reason. You know what I mean."

"Got it," Jade says. "So, did you have a chance to-"

She's cut off by the door opening. Silently, Kit is thankful for the intrusion. She knows exactly what Jade was going to ask - whether Kit has had a chance to book any more consultations yet. The answer is no. Though, Kit hasn't exactly got a reason for being so on edge about it. She's just...

She doesn't know.

Kit kisses her quickly and smiles, hand placed strategically on Jade's chest so she can just feel the end of the miniscule wishbone charm on her necklace dangling on her clavicle. "Talk later, yeah?"

Jade's face contorts into the slightest of frowns, then she releases it to neutrality a second later. "Alright."

Greetings are exchanged as quickly as goodbyes, then Kit and Elora are on their way to the bridal shop.

Kit isn't exactly an expert on weddings. The closest she's been to one was her almost engagement to Graydon. In her thirty years alive, she has been to, maybe, three weddings and all of them were when she was a child. When her dad was still alive, to be more specific. So she's out of practice to say the least.

So safe to say she doesn't have the slightest clue what the protocol is for wedding planning. But a dress fitting less than a month before the wedding? Surely that's cutting it close, right?

For reasons she won't admit, Kit is too busy thinking about said unspoken thing to consider the practicality of this dress fitting.

As Elora pulls into the parking lot in front of the quaint store, she draws in a dramatic breath and holds it. Kit closes her eyes, knowing what's to come.

"I lied!" Elora blurts out.

"About?" Kit says, waiting to find out what the lie is before she reacts.

"About today. It's not a whole bridal thing it's just us. Well, it was meant to be some of the other girls too but they couldn't come but I think I actually just wanted it to be us anyway."

Seeing Elora frazzled like this is always something. She's no stranger to a long rant full of tangents and beelines. Kit's something of an expert of following these stories now.

"Okay," Kit says. "That's fine."

Hands still on the steering wheel, Elora plants her face against her thumbs.

"What is it, then? Is this, like, a second thoughts thing? Or do you just hate the dress, 'cause I know my mom was a bitch about the picture you showed her but you really can't take anything she says to heart. Or is it-"

"I just-" Elora takes a deep breath. "It's fine. I just need to get remeasured. I've spoken to the women in there on the phone, they said it's fine. I just-" Another deep breath. Then she lifts her head and smiles. "It's fine. Let's go in."

The pair are escorted to a chaise lounge in the back of the store and offered tea and cakes while Elora discusses her wishes for the appointment.

Kit begins to tune out some of the boring stuff - no offence Elora - and casts her gaze toward the dresses on display. She thinks about herself in them, wincing at the mental image, or more likely what her mother would say about the mental image. Still, it isn't completely unpleasant to think about. Marriage. Getting married.

At this theoretical wedding of hers, she wouldn't wear a dress. Unless, by some miracle, she found one that she felt perfectly represented how she felt. And the chances of that are very slim. So it would be a suit. But something trendy, not just a plain, straight, rigid three piece white suit. Would she wear white? Or would she wear black? Or would her wedding be completely not traditional and they'd wear another colour?

Jade would look good in white. Or an off white, something warm toned to complement all of her warmth. She'd look good in a suit, too. Rigid three piece or trendy mismatch of pieces. She'd probably look fucking good in a dress, too, though God knows she wouldn't wear one.

Fuck.

Now Kit's thinking about marrying Jade.

All on top of the raging nerves and almost but not quite but maybe regret surrounding the idea of children.

Kit excuses herself to the bathroom where she splashes water on her face and helps herself to a few of the fancy sample sizes of lotion.

When she comes out, Elora's stripping off behind a curtain.

"Is that you?" Elora calls for her.

"Yup." Kit slumps back into the chair.

"You okay? You went super pale and then ran off to the toilet. Were you sick?" Elora asks.

"No, I'm fine. I was just thinking about..." Jade. Except she doesn't- she can't say that thinking about Jade made the blood drain from he body so much so that Elora thought she was ill.

So she doesn't say anything at all. She sits in silence while Elora gets measured and waits for the appropriate time to bring up the thing plaguing her mind since the end of March.

God, has it been that long?

She's been actually questioning if she even wants another baby since March? Two whole months of appointments she's made, then cancelled on, and rebooked but coincidentally forgotten about and simply cannot make.

She's a terrible person.

"Kit," Elora says pointedly, snapping Kit out of her head. Kit thinks she's been saying her name for a long time now by the look on her face poking around the corner of the curtain.

"Sorry," Kit says. "What?"

"Can you help me?"

Like it drains her energy to do so, Kit drags herself off of the cushioned seat and behind the curtain, finding Elora in the dress Kit had seen all those months ago when Elora had first chosen her dress. All the small buttons are open at the back in a gaping V, waiting for Kit's fingers to piece them together.

Kit works on the tiny buttons in silence until Elora asks, "What're you thinking about right now?"

Elora would know she was lying in an instant, so Kit finally says, "Me and Jade started talking about having kids."

Half the buttons still open, Elora whips around to face Kit, grinning ear to ear in a way that makes Kit physically flinch.

"That's amazing!" Elora cries. Then she takes in Kit's demeanour. "Isn't it?"

Like the grown up she is, Kit just shrugs.

"Explain it to me," Elora says gently, turning back around so Kit can finish the buttons. "From when you started talking to now."

"I've always known she's wanted kids, you know? Even in our teens. She's always been more family oriented and good with younger people," Kit explains.

"So of course the fates would have you be a mother and Jade a... gym instructor? I'm trying not to be cruel." Elora chuckles.

"It's fine. I know what you mean."

Kit thinks about this regularly, actually, how Kit swore she'd never have kids and how she wanted to become a separate identity from her mom; versus Jade who often spoke about having her own family, wanting to have a whole ranch of kids of her own, and then growing up to be lonely and taking care of people who have no relation to her. Until now.

Typical.

Thank you universe.

"We spoke about it when we got together last year for the first time. It was so obvious she couldn't wait to have a baby," Kit continues, slowly making her way through the buttons. Damn her dexterity today. "Then, while we were at mom's birthday, we had this moment. Theo was asleep in our bed, and Jade just-" She sighs. "I told her we could have a baby. I told her I'd start booking appointments with doctors and clinics I knew."

Buttoned up, Elora turns around. "I sense a But coming?"

Ashamed, Kit casts her gaze to the floor. "I have booked, I think, eight appointments. I have been to two."

Elora's brows tilt toward her middle part. "Oh, Kit."

Kit sits down.

Before Elora can coax any more out of her, the lady with the tape measure comes strolling in, delighted that Elora's dress fits. Elora admits to it feeling tight here and over here. She looks gorgeous, though. Girl code and shit prohibits Kit from even thinking of mentioning how, yes, the fabric does cling intensely at her hips and around her stomach in unflattering ways 

Then, the unexpected happens. Elora bursts into tears.

"I'm sorry-" She gasps for a short breath of air, covering her mouth with her hand. "Urgh- Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm a mess."

"Don't worry at all, love!" The woman says calmly, rubbing a hand on her back. Kit stands up, joining them behind the curtain and rubbing Elora's arm.

"Have you got any of the other options we spoke about?" Elora requests after her tears have dwindled slightly. Another woman from the shop has appeared with a box of tissues, and another woman is brining in bottled water and a tray of sweets.

When alone again, Elora steps away from Kit, turning away from her. One hand on the back of her hip, the other on her sternum.

"What's..." Kit doesn't even know how to ask if she's okay. Elora just shakes her head. "Lor?"

"I feel ridiculous," Elora confesses a minute later. Kit's began unbuttoning her dress for her now, and when enough are undone for her to shove it down her slim body she does exactly that.

"What do you mean?" Kit frowns, picking up the dress before it creases, hanging it up. Elora chugs half a bottle of water, having stopped crying now though warm brown mascara tracks are running down her cheeks.

"You looked beautiful," Kit tells her. Then, seriously, "Oh, shit, wait, are you actually having proper second thoughts about marrying Gray?"

Again, Elora shakes her head. Her hand is back on her hip, the other on her chest. Same pose again. Kit looks at her and something clicks in her brain that she doesn't understand. But she takes in the measurement queries, the tears, her stance, which is now awfully familiar to her. Kit can't categorise all of this information properly to come to a conclusion, but all of it sitting in her brain means she isn't surprised when Elora tells her:

"I'm pregnant."

She says it with a smile, too. A genuine, gorgeous smile that removes any fear of regret in Kit.

"Really?" Kit smiles too.

Elora nods. "Seven weeks, I think? I know it's early, so I wasn't going to tell everyone until after the wedding just in case. But then I thought about the dress and whether I'd be showing and got all worked up."

Seeing the tears forming in her eyes, Kit pulls Elora down for a hug. Holds her tight while she cries again between her jaw and collar.

"This is just the hormones then, right?" Kit asks, double checking she doesn't need to be thinking of way to call off the wedding while rubbing Elora's back.

Kit feels her nod. "Fuckin' hormones."

Removing herself from the embrace, Elora wipes her face, smearing her makeup even worse, and laughs. Despite the tragic sight of her, Kit can't help but return her laugh.

"I can't believe you let me rant about kids to you all afternoon and here you are," Kit says. "Pregnant!"

"Don't think you've gotten away with not talking about your thing too." Elora points at her, using one of the tissues to wipe her face clean. "Mine just happened to explode on us."

"Were you gonna tell me today?" Kit asks.

Elora shakes her head. "I don't know. Maybe. I hadn't planned exactly to tell you, but I also sort of knew this would happen."

Elora's other dresses are brought in for her to try on, both a shimmering, silky material that look like flowing bodies of water on Elora. She looks ethereal.

The dress she settles on to replace her original dress ties at the back in a beautifully simple ribbon, leaving ruching at the front to conceal any swelling in her stomach. Not cover up completely, but definitely draw attention away from it. The straps are simple but cross over intricately at the back. The skirt is long and flares at the bottom. It really is a simple dress, but it's so beautiful and shimmery, and Elora makes it look supermodel worthy.

The wedding is at this ranch in southern Virginia close to where Elora grew up. Kit can just picture the dress coming to life in the sun, much like it's wearer.

Elora leaves the store happy and Kit can't say she's far off the same.

Then Elora says they're going to get lunch together so Kit can talk and she moves further and further away from happy.

When their food is on their table in front of them, Elora says, "So, you and Jade are talking about kids but you haven't been making appointments, I assume on purpose."

"Pretty much."

"Why?"

Kit sighs. "I dunno. I guess..." She takes a bite of her sandwich while she thinks of what to say. "I don't know. Really."

"That's it? You don't know why you agreed to try for a baby with the woman you love and now you don't know why you're having doubts about agreeing?" Elora doesn't sound convinced.

Kit tries not to roll her eyes. "I'm a bit worried it's too soon. We've only been together for a year."

"Well, you've got the whole year before that too because something was happening between you two," Elora says. "And you've apparently been tethered together since high school."

Kit puts her head in her hands. "It's not that simple."

Elora sighs. "I'm getting deja vu."

"Sorry."

"It's not me you should be apologising too," she points out. They each eat some more before Elora says, "So which is it? You regret saying you'd have a baby with Jade? Or- Or, well, you don't?"

"I don't know!" Kit says. Elora frowns. "And I'm not trying to be petulant about it. I really don't know! I mostly think about how getting pregnant the first time around flipped my entire world on its head and ruined several people's lives in doing so! I also can't help but think maybe I don't wanna do all that again; and it's making me anxious as in breaking out in hives anxious to think about how all I'll be able to think about is the first time I was pregnant and how scary it was!"

This hangs between them for as long as it takes for the small audience of their surrounding tables to turn back to their own food. Then Elora clears her throat and wipes the corner of her mouth with her napkin.

"Okay," she says. "Valid. Valid as hell. However, have you considered that this time around it'll be completely different because you'll have Jade doing it with you for real?"

"Yes, of course I know that," Kit says. Well, her words bite more than just come out, so it sounds bitchy. "But it doesn't matter to the me inside. She's scared."

"I don't know what to say to you," Elora says. "Maybe bring it up with Willow, see what he has to say."

What Kit wants is for someone to be there to tell her what her every thought and feeling mean. Like an angel and devil on her shoulder, but they're just little creatures who translate her inner workings and tell her exactly what to do with this information to get her to the outcome she'll like best. Everything else is too complicated. How is she meant to know what she wants? She likes what she has now!

By the time Elora drops her off at her house, she's in a terrible mood and knows that if Jade even brings up the question of a meeting tonight she'll say things she regrets. So she tries to form a plan on her walk up the driveway.

The house is full of laughter when she opens the door, music playing softly and Jade's undeniably laugh blending in with Theo's infectious giggles.

Kit puts on a smile as she enters the living room. "Hey!"

"Hi, mom!"

"Good day?" Jade asks.

Kit shrugs.  "Ups and downs. You?"

"We had a great time. Watched Bend It Like Beckham, ate lunch. Now we're doing Just Dance."

"Nice. Sounds like you've had a better day than me," Kit admits. She goes straight upstairs to take off her shoes and change into something comfier, but mostly so she can have a moment to breath.

She catches her breath in the bedroom, hand on her chest as she paces in just her jeans and a sports bra.

What the fuck is wrong with her? Why can't she have a normal conversation with Jade? Why does she always have to be an asshole about the things that matter?

Kit touches the chains around her neck, thumbing the closure of the one that has swung around to the front after a day's wear. A very simple chain, this one matching with Airk. They have matching sets of charms that he wears more than her. A gift from Sorsha.

In those rare moments she feels every blue moon, Kit wants her mom. Thankfully not that ache she has for a mother's warmth and embrace that Sorsha isn't capable of, not yet at least. That ache usually leaves her curling up in a ball underneath a shower stream or on top of her duvet. Just the regular feeling where she wants to talk to her mom, but knows it won't go how she wants it to.

Then again, Sorsha is better now.

She takes a long, deep breath, rubbing her fisted hand in circles over her chest. What could Sorsha say to her that she doesn't already know?

Like she's done countless times throughout her lifetime, Kit curses the higher power or fates or whatever the fuck that have written her down as a disaster. A constant cycle she can't get out of no matter how hard she tries to be good. To be better. It's as if Sorsha's bipolarity wasn't passed down to Kit's genetics, but instead into Kit's environment. High then low then high then low then-

Kit was in love with Jade from the moment they met but was convinced it was unrequited - Low. Kit and Jade dated for a euphoric three years - High. Kit and Jade broke up which blew up Kit's entire life - Low. Theo was born and Kit loved again - High. Jade came back into Kit's life, throwing her through a loop once again - Low. Kit and Jade get back together and Kit is truly happy for the first time in a very, very long time - High.

Kit lets her insecurities get the better of her so she stubbornly lies and manipulates her stories so she doesn't have to commit to the most intimate promise she's ever made to a person she cares so deeply about that she can't break her heart but would rather have her own heart crushed beyond repair just because she's never learnt to talk about her feelings.

Low.

And how can it get better from there?

"You okay?" Jade's voice enters the room before she does. "You've kinda been gone for ten minutes, is everything good?"

Kit stops pacing, then quickly realises how fast her heart is beating and how hot her face is. God, are those tears in her eyes as well? Christ, what's wrong with her?

"Hey- Oh," Jade rushes in. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Kit nods. "I'm fine. Just had an emotional day with Lor, is all."

Not exactly a lie.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jade asks.

Kit shakes her head.

"Okay, well what about the other thing we need to talk about?"

Kit can't help but sigh. "Do we have to?"

Jade chuckles nervously. "Why do I get the feeling you're having regrets."

Kit doesn't say anything. Caught red handed.

"Oh," Jade says.

Shit. Maybe not caught before but definitely now.

"Um, oh. Okay. I, uh- Um. Sorry."

"Jade-"

"What?"

"We can talk. We- Fuck, can I just have today, please?" Kit can't even look at her. "I need to not do this today or else you'll hate me. So can we do this next week please."

Jade is unreadable when she says, "Fine."

*

So it goes, Kit's schedule filled up so quickly what with the last week of school, dress fittings for Theo and Margot, flower girl rehearsals, booking flights and double checking flight bookings, on top of doing all the things a maid of honour does. Then Jade's busy for a week with Ballentine's visit. Then Graydon gets food poisoning and everybody falls into disarray.

So she doesn't get a chance to talk to Jade until the weekend they fly to Virginia for the wedding. And Jade is furious with her.

She can tell from the moment she gets off the phone with Theo -  who's been in Virginia for a week already and was filling Kit in with all the details of the ranch and their rooms and the whole thing, and who's timing could not have possibly been worse since Jade had just walked through the door - because of the rigid, straight lines of Jade's spine and shoulders. An ominous cross looming over Kit now Jade's back is turned to her. God, she feels like her mother.

"Sorry," Kit says. "Theo's just excited. Uh-"

"It's fine," Jade cuts in. "So are you ready to talk?"

Kit nervously laughs, bad habit. "No."

Jade turns around, arms crossed, face pinched in barely reserved rage.

"I'm not ready," Kit says. "But I am going to talk."

Jade nods. "Go on, then."

Kit opens her mouth but finds nothing comes out. No matter how many times she tries to, it doesn't work. So she groans instead and says, "Fuck, can you at least give me a starting point? You know I'm bad at this! You don't just throw someone who can't swim in a body of water and expect them not to drown!"

"That is exactly how you teach babies to swim," Jade says.

Okay. Bad metaphor.

"Fuck off, you know what I meant."

Bad choice of words, too.

Sighing, Jade uncrosses her arms, leaning now on the counter behind her. Having this confrontation in her kitchen could possibly ruin a lot of meals for her in the future.

Jade says, "Fine. Okay, how about this: Why are you having regrets about having a baby?"

"I'm not having regrets," Kit says defiantly.

"Really?"

"Yes!" Kit cries. "Of course I don't regret it! I just-" She grasps for the right words. "I don't know if right now is the right time-"

"Well, shit, Kit, I'm not trying to be rude, but how many years left have we got?" Jade raises her brows at Kit.

Feeling like she's being spoken down to, it takes all of Kit's strengths not to lash out like a child. She doesn't curse Jade out or say anything nasty. She takes a deep breath and says, "All I meant was that we've been together for a year. One year. After not speaking to each other for ten years. We're practically strangers." Then, because she can't let it go, "And I have plenty of years left in me, for Christ's sake. Are you a priest? Where the fuck did that come from?"

Jade scoffs. "Strangers? Is that what we are?"

"You're not listening to me," Kit says. "You're picking out little things I say not the whole thing. Did you even hear me? I said-"

"You said you don't want to have a baby with me," Jade says.

Using Herculean strength so as not to scream, Kit swallows her curse. "That is not what I said."

"Isn't it?" Jade's voice catches here, breaks just a little in the middle to show the desperation in her voice. The pain.

Kit shakes her head. "I- I want to have a baby with-"

"Do you even wanna be with me?" Jade spits out.

It takes a moment for the question to properly register in Kit's head because of how ridiculous it is. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Answer the question," Jade says, pleads. "Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes! Of course I do!"

"Do you want a life with me? Do you want a future with me?"

"What are you even-"

"Do you?"

There is something animalistic in Jade's eyes as she clasps her hands together, repeating her question again for a stunned, silent Kit.

"I-" Kit sighs. "I think so."

"You think so?" Jade sounds heartbroken already.

"I don't really know what I want," Kit confesses. The energy drains from her at this point and she is so ready for this all to be over.

Pursing her lips, Jade begins to pace. "You don't know?" She pauses for Kit to shake her head. "Yeah? Well, it's pretty fucking simple to me. I'm over here several nights of the week. I'm helping raise your kid. I moved across the fucking country for you!"

"I didn't ask you to do that!" Kit cries.

"You didn't have to!" Jade shouts back. "You think you needed to? Fucking hell, Kit, I'd move the fucking moon closer if I thought that it'd even make you happier!"

"Then why are you so angry at me?" Kit shouts.

Silence. Then Jade stops pacing and her eyes fill up with pain.

"Because you've been lying to me for months," she says. "And because I am meant to be the person you're closest to but I seem to be the last person to know things around here."

Kit scoffs this time. "Hate to break it to you, but you're not the centre of the universe."

Jade sighs, placing a hand on her forehead. "Don't change the subject. I'm not here to argue about how much space I take up in your mind, though clearly it is less than I'd hoped," Jade says. "Want me to put it in a question for you to answer again? Here: Why did you lie? Or, rather, why did you lead me on for two months and not bother to show up for any of the consultations that took so much effort into making?"

Kit feels tears pressing against the edges of her eyes. She feels like a child. A pathetic, spoilt, child. She knows herself well, then.

"I was waiting to feel like I- Like I was ready."

"You could have to me that!" Jade shouts. "You could have just told me the fucking truth about how you were feeling, and we could have had a civil conversation about this, and we'd have waited. Together. Instead, I had to smile politely as there doctors looked me in the eye after you made me look like a fool for saying you were stuck in traffic on your way to the vet because your cat ate Lego."

Kit doesn't day anything.

"You're a bad liar, Kit. But you're a worse partner."

Her face begins to fold up as tears start to fall down her cheeks. Quickly, she wipes them away. "I didn't want to hurt you-"

"I believe that," Jade says. "I believe that you believe that. But it doesn't fix the fact that you don't talk to me."

"I do!"

"You give me the bare minimum!" Jade groans as she brings her voice back down to a normal volume. Strained, she says, "You should have told me you weren't sure from the moment you had second thoughts."

Kit knows this is true, she should have. But what Jade isn't taking into consideration is the fact that whatever Jade wants, Kit will give her. Her fatal flaw. Jade wants a baby, Kit will give her a baby. Who is she to say no? If it kills Kit, she'll do it. Try her dammed hardest at least.

Okay, Jade would rearrange the solar system and the continents. Kit would too, and then they'd bring about earthquakes and storms and eruptions and waves that'd bring on the end times. They're as bad as each other.

Maybe that much destruction is a sign that they're bad for each other.

And yet Kit is the only one to blame.

"Why don't you know?" Jade asks. "What's holding you back from starting a family with me?"

Sniffling, Kit wipes her cheeks dry but they dampen again immediately after. "It isn't you."

Jade scoffs and makes it sound real cruel. "That's good to know."

"Stop it," Kit snaps. "I just don't want to ruin my life again. I don't want every normality I know to get flushed down the drain because I've decided to have a baby again."

"You think it'd be so catastrophic to have a baby with me?" Jade looks at her like she's a stranger with a familiar feature.

"No!"

"No?"

"No! It isn't like that!" Kit is aware she's doing a bad job of defending herself. She goes on, "You weren't there the first time! You don't know what it's like, how I felt! I don't know if actually want to feel all of that again!"

"I'll be with you this time! It won't be the same as last time!" Jade reasons. She's right as well.

But Kit sniffles, drops her head, and says, "I don't know if that's enough."

She knows how it comes across. That Jade isn't enough for her. But she can't go back on her word without digging that hole deeper and deeper.

Jade gives her an ultimatum. If they had the means to make a baby the traditional way together, argument and unpleasantness aside, if Jade suggested they go upstairs and make a baby right now, what would Kit say. "Yes or no?"

"That's absurd," Kit scoffs. "I don't know!"

"That's not an answer."

"Then no!"

The words are out of her mouth before she knows it. But it's the truth. No, had they never had this argument or any of the events leading up to this, Kit would not be happy going upstairs right now to make a baby with Jade. That is not how it works. They need to plan, to talk, to figure out if that's actually what is best.

Guess they've done that now.

Only Kit wasn't expecting the aftermath to feel like smoking battleground.

Jade nods solemnly. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Again, she nods. Then she walks out of the kitchen and toward her bag and jacket strewn over the arm of the couch. "You were right about one thing, you know?"

"Which bit," Kit asks from the kitchen still.

"That I'd hate you if you told me," Jade says, not looking at her. Then she laughs bitterly. "Guess you're an expert in that department, huh?"

Then Jade leaves.

And Kit stays in the kitchen wondering if she'd made the wrong decision.

Then she gets ready for her flight.

Chapter Text

"I don't see her," Airk says for possibly the hundredth time in the last hour.

"She's not coming," Kit tells him as they get closer to plane. At least one of them will get extra leg room.

Of course Jade isn't coming to Elora's wedding. Why would she? If the roles were reversed, Kit wouldn't show up as Jade's plus one. She'd probably still be in bed wondering why she was alive. That's what Kit wants to be doing right now. Not getting on a ninety minute flight.

(Also, the fact that the flight is only an hour and a half is really pulling on her guilt, especially since the twins could have easily driven down, but right now Kit would rather commit environmental damage like this than the emotional damage to herself that would be eight plus hours in a car with her brother but without Jade even though she was meant to be with them.)

There are only two people she wants to talk to at the moment to confess the events of Baby Gate, as Kit has lovingly nicknamed it so she doesn't have to call it an argument or, worse, their break up. Those people being her mother, primarily, and when that inevitably falls through, Elora. But she isn't going to bring down the mood of Elora's wedding, or her honeymoon, or the last months of her one child life. So maybe Elora is off that table.

Fuck.

"What happened with you guys?" Airk asks her as they settle into their seats.

Kit groans, already putting her headphones over her ears. "I'll tell you later. Right now I just wanna be unconcious until we're in Virginia."

God, she hopes the ranch has a swimming pool. Or, like, a hot tub. Or at the very least a close by public pool. Or a very deep bath. You get the point. Kit wants to submerge herself in water and scream until she almost drowns.

Kit sticks on a Radiohead album and hits repeat so it'll loop. It doesn't matter though. Barely halfway through Planet Telex and she's fast asleep for the first time in days.

Oh. Yeah. Forgot to mention that bit.

Since Jade texted Kit the night she left her house with a simple "Need space rn", Kit has been experiencing the worst anxiety induced insomnia since Theo was three and had to spend weeks in the hospital with a chest infection that quickly turned into pneumonia. The moment she closed her eyes then, all she saw was her baby's corpse. She had to knock herself out with pills when Graydon took over watch duty, and even then nightmares would startle her awake every time.

It's less dramatic than that now. No dead babies behind her eyes. But the torment of the questions running laps in her head is torturous. Kit remembers learning in a history lesson once about a torture method where a person would be lying completely flat and still, but a drop of water would hit them repetitively without rhythm but consistently. It would drive the tortured insane. That's how Kit feels now. Every time she thinks the indecision and regret have passed, a new wave comes about at a startlingly abrupt speed, threatening to bring up her lunch, too.

So, even though it's only ninety minutes of sleep, it's the best sleep she's gotten all weekend and would have treasured it.

If not for the dream she had.

It was her life. Her house, her body, her perspective through her eyes. But it was cast in that idyllic, dream-space sheen were everything glistens or glows. None of the morbid dark matter of her nightmares. But still, uncanny and horrific for that reason.

In this dream, Kit lived years of her life. She was pregnant and Jade was there and they have this intimate home birth and their baby was this beautiful, beautiful thing. A little boy equal parts Jade and Kit. He was perfect.

In an hour and a half, Kit saw this life unfold before her. The birth of her and Jade's son to his first steps, his first words. Watched herself raise her baby with the woman of her dreams, the love of her life. Matching bands on their ring fingers, matching tattoos on their hips.

Just the three of them - four of them when Kit became pregnant again - in this perfect world.

Kit wakes up as she held her second baby and the loss hits her across the face like a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. She'd been shaken awake by Airk, and Street Spirit (Fade Out) is crescendoing through her headphones as her eyes begin to well up with tears. Pausing the music, she pulls herself to her feet, sniffling as Airk passes her her bag from the overhead compartment. She wipes her eyes as they people start moving down the aisles.

Airk frowns at her. "Hey, are you crying?"

Yes.

"No." Betraying her, her voice cracks.

Well, the stream of tears she can't stop are probably more of a giveaway than her poor attempt at a lie, but still.

As Kit moves to follow the stream of exiting passengers, Airk pushes her back into their row. He carefully grabs her wrist, concern all over him.

"Kit," he says.

"I'm fine," she says. Even smiles to prove it.

These tears aren't choking sobs or gut wrenching cries. They're mellow and constant and she doesn't know when the next one will fall but they keep falling.

Stupid fucking dream. She's had vivid dreams like this before. Once reimagined the first year of Theo's life in that idyllic space and woke up next to her then eight year old daughter mourning her sweet baby. Felt like she'd lost something for days after.

Once, too, back in the early days of pregnancy, she'd had this twelve hour dream where she's gone to the UK with Jade and together they lived in a little London flat and ghosted through the whole city as a pair. That one had hurt a lot. She'd lived for decades with Jade in that dream. No kids in that one, but a long, long life of joy. Ended with two hospital beds beside each other but hers was the only one still occupied.

That one had been rough. Cried for days afterward. This was before she'd even known she was pregnant. Then again, vivid dreams like that are a sign of pregnancy. God, she should have caught on much earlier. 

"Just a bad dream," she insists, rubbing her thumb over her brother's hand.

It was possibly the best dream she's ever had (okay that one- two- several sex dreams with Kristen Stewart were maybe better, but that's besides the point) and maybe the saddest. The nightmares from Theo's time in hospital were easily explainable as dramatic and down to her overactive imagination and anxiety. This, though? Fuck, that was an actual possibility of what she could have had if she'd have just not been a bitch.

"I'm worried about you," Airk insists. "You were mumbling in your sleep. I couldn't make anything out except for Jade's name. You can tell me if something happened, you know?"

Kit nods, knowing very well she can talk to him. She keeps nodding and the tears keep falling. "I know," she tells him. "I wanna talk to mom." Then, "Can you be there too?"

"Of course I'll be there."

A stewardess clears her throat behind them. "Everything alright, ma'am?" She says to Kit.

Sniffling, Kit nods. "Yes, sorry. Just had a bad dream."

Both twins apologise and finally remove themselves from the now empty plane.

*

The ranch, funnily enough, belongs to a ranch house which the owners typically rent out to holiday home people or for occasions and parties, like weddings. This house is probably closer to the size of a small motel than a house, since Graydon and Elora have organised their closest family and friends to stay in the house as well. Kit has a room, as does Willow on Elora's behalf. Six bedrooms in total, but one of them is being used for storage right now. The girls are sharing, which Margot always loves even if Theo is slowly growing out of it.

Kit stands at the end of her double bed by herself and thinks she might burst into tears again. Silently, she is thankful that Willow is entertaining the kids.

Throwing her suit case down, leaving it for later, Kit pulls out her phone and rings her mom.

"Hello, love. Everything alright?" Sorsha answers.

"When does your flight get in?" Kit asks, hoping her mom can hear that she's upset but not the extent of how tragically upset she is.

"Oh, darling, are you okay?" Sorsha asks, clearly hearing that she's upset.

"Mhmm," Kit unconvincingly says. "When do you get here?"

"This evening. Around seven."

"And you're staying at the same hotel as Airk, right?"

The closest hotel is a fifteen minute drive away but at least triple that if you walked. Airk and Sorsha didn't make the cut for ranch house rooms, which Elora has apologised for profusely, and are thus staying there for the week of celebrations.

"That's right."

Kit bites her thumbnail. "Are you- Can we talk, when you get here?"

"Of course we can, my love."

"It might be a long conversation."

"That's fine. Kit-"

There's a pause. Kit hums in case Sorsha was waiting for her response.

A moment later, Sorsha continues, "Are you really alright? You don't sound very good at all."

Her face stretches into the kind of smile that threatens immediate sobs. "No. I'm pretty sure I've ruined my whole life. So, uh. Not great. But it's fine."

"I'll be there shortly."

After the phone call, Kit gives herself five minutes to cry then another five to make sure she doesn't look like she's been crying. Then she showers, changes into clean clothes, and leaves to find Elora.

She moves through the house like a ghost. Not taking anything in, no recognition of any features of this unfamiliar place. Just floating through the hallways until she finds Elora in the kitchen, as expected. She's by herself.

"Feel refreshed?" Elora asks her, not looking up from the cookies she's icing.

Kit hums, not trusting her voice. But then she realises she needs to explain. "Uh- Look. I need to talk to my mom so I'm gonna spend the afternoon at Airk's room, if that's okay?"

"What's happened?" Elora asks. Then, "Is it Jade?"

Kit shakes her head but her throat is closing up. "No- No, uh. No, it's family stuff. Just found some stuff out on the plane and we gotta talk to mom. I don't know if I'm coming back tonight or tomorrow morning but just- Uh, just cover for me, with Theo?"

Nodding, Elora abandons the cookies. "Are you okay?"

Kit holds it together. "I'll tell you later. I wanna talk to her first. But I promise I'll tell you eventually."

Elora gives her a hug for good measure before Kit sneaks out and walks to the hotel.

It's nice to take such a long walk, even though she's certain she's lost until she sees the neon sign illuminated despite the vibrant day around. She sends Airk a text so he can let her in.

They then spend the next three hours in his hotel room like they'd do as teenagers when one of them was upset. Kit spreads out on top of his sheets flicking through the TV channels while he unpacks his bag, takes a shower, hangs up his suit (shit, Kit's suit is sitting crumpled at the bottom of her suitcase. Whatever. She'll take it to the dry cleaners if it's that bad.), makes general busy work. As teenagers, one twin was on the other's bed as they got on with chores. Kit would occupy Airk's rigid bed while he went through level after level on some video game, or cleaned the cups out of his room, or hung up his clean clothes pile finally: or Airk would starfish across Kit's permanently unmade bed while she called Jade or reluctantly finished an assignment or reorganised her desk so it wasn't piled high with clutter or rubbish.

Naturally, this happens far less now that they don't live together. It is nice to come back around to this tradition, even if the circumstances aren't great.

When Airk's done with his jobs, he makes Kit scoot up so they both fit on the bed. He takes the remote from her hand and immediately finds a channel showing back to back Ancient Aliens episodes. Perfect. They sit in silence until Sorsha phones Kit to tell her she'll be arriving at the hotel shortly.

"Did you guys break up?" Airk asks out of no where, the first full sentence they've shared since getting off the plane.

Kit sniffs even though her whole body still feels dry inside and out from the plane journey. "I don't know. Probably," she says. "She told me she needed space."

"How come?" Obviously he isn't prying. He's being a good brother. But the whole topic of Jade is like a field of landmines planted around a blind Kit. She wishes she knew where they were so she'd stop exploding.

"Because I'm the worst," she snaps at him, then gets up to go to the bathroom.

She doesn't need the toilet. That doesn't stop her from locking the door behind her and sitting on the (closed) toilet. She drops her head between her knees and takes a deep breath.

While she's inside the bathroom, Kit hears the door open and Airk say hello to their mom. She's fussing, Kit can hear. So Kit psyches herself up and leaves the comfort of her brother's hotel room bathroom to talk about her feelings. Ew.

Sorsha looks at her sadly standing in the door way. "It's Jade, isn't it?" She asks.

Kit nods.

"What happened, love?"

"I ruined it," is all Kit gets out before she starts crying again.

Their family aren't big huggers, and really if Kit is embraced by her mom and brother right now she might actually combust so she's grateful for their comforting rubs on the back and pats on the shoulder.

"What do you mean you ruined it?" Sorsha asks as the three of them squeeze onto the edge of the bed, Kit sandwiched in the middle.

"I said the wrong thing I think-" Kit chokes out. "I just made a bad decision 'cause I didn't know what I wanted and- and-"

Belatedly, Kit realises this is going to need an explanation for anything to make sense. So she tearily sums up Baby Gate for them, surely tripping over herself here and there and not making a lot of sense in places. But they get the gist.

"If you've made a mistake, why don't you just tell her?" Airk suggests.

Sorsha hums. "I think there is very little you could do to that girl to make her truly hate you."

"Yeah!" Airk says. "I mean, she literally waited ten years for you. Sort of."

Kit pathetically laughs. "You know that I know that that's not true."

"Worth a shot," he says. But then, "Though... You didn't hear this from me, but she did a little bit."

"What?"

Airk explains to her that, over a text conversation from last year, Jade had confessed to him that she spent her ten years in England secretly wishing Kit would walk back into her life. "So maybe she didn't wait for you, but it still means something."

"She cares so much about you," Sorsha insists. "And I know you adore her. I'm sure she'll hear you out."

Kit sniffs. "What if we just aren't meant to be together?" She asks, hearing herself and cringing at how pathetic she sounds. She's a grown woman and here she is crying like a baby.

"Well," Sorsha says, patting Kit's knee. "I don't believe the world is built like that. Meant to be or not meant to be. That's the sort of nonsense fantasy movies from when I was a teenager put into our heads and made us all believe in love." Then she laughs funnily. "Why do you think divorce rates have gone up?"

"Because of feminism and women's rights?" Airk answers.

This makes Kit laugh. Or smile at least. A chuckle is brought out of her as Sorsha gently reaches across Kit to slap her son on the leg, tsk-ing at his comment despite the truth in it. With the mood lifted, which translates to 'now that Kit has stopped bawling her eyes out like a little girl', Airk suggests he pop to the vending machine at reception to get them some refreshments. Which probably means Dr Pepper and Sour Patch Kids. No one stops him.

With space on the bed to now do so, Kit flings herself backwards and covers her face with her hands. She feels Sorsha stand up off the bed, presumably to fuss with the placement of things around the room.

Kit sighs. Mostly, she is still absorbing the fact of her mom and brother being excellent help when she needed it. Normally only one of them (rarely Sorsha) knows what to say or do to make her feel better again. This time they both played their parts. The notion does more to confuse Kit than anything else, wondering when they all decided to grow up without her. And then that question starts to make her feel faint so instead, she spits out the question she's been wondering all weekend.

"How did you know you wanted to have kids with dad?"

The question has plagued her for many years truthfully, in the same way all those tiny details about your mom's life will consume you up until the point that either, a, you find out, b, you die without knowing, or c, she dies without telling you. She's wondered about it in the same way she's wondered about every inch of Sorsha's life as a child.

Sorsha hums. "I don't really know how to answer that," she unhelpfully says.

Kit groans.

Sorsha tuts. "I just mean," she continues, "so much of my relationship to your father was rebellion that the lines between love and freedom blurred."

Now Kit hums. That makes sense.

"After you two were born, I think when you were around four, he asked me again if we could try for another baby," Sorsha tells her, idly flipping through a pamphlet for some local exhibition. Kit sits up to listen. "I knew then that I didn't want more. Not because two was enough or because you'd been twins. Your dad wasn't well for a long time and I could tell he didn't want another baby for the right reasons. Or, I suppose, the same reasons I'd have wanted more children."

"What do you mean?" Kit asks.

"He liked having a reason to exist. You two were getting old enough to realise he wasn't always the best of dads so he wanted something that would just see him as an innocent man," she says. Then, "I shouldn't tell you this-"

"Tell me what?"

Sorsha sighs and looks at Kit. "It isn't nice. It's not even relevant."

"Mom you barely tell me anything about dad."

"What's this about dad?" Airk enters the room again at that point.

Sorsha summarises their conversation for him, then turns back to Kit and says, "Really, you're already so upset. Why don't I tell you some time later?"

"Tell me now," Kit demands. Then, "Please?"

So Sorsha sighs and relents. "Your father resented you for growing up, Kit. He was your favourite until one day you hated us both equally, and it made him realise how terrible of a man he was. Instead of working on himself, he turned that anger into distancing himself from the both of you. Until it killed him."

"Oh," is all Kit says. She needs to be quiet for a while after that.

After however many minutes of Kit's silence, Airk tucking into his Dr Pepper, and Sorsha's fiddling, the latter clears her throat.

"But to answer your original question, dear," Sorsha diverts. "I wanted to see him as a dad. I wanted to see him thrive at something that mattered, not some stupid game or his silly band. I knew- Or, well, I guess I thought that he'd be a good father. I wanted to be the one to make him into that." She sits back on the bed and takes one of her daughter's hands between her own. "I loved him. I still do. I know he didn't turn out to be what we all hoped, but he was a good man deep down. I'm sorry for what he did to you both."

"He did it to you, too," Kit rushes to say. Acutely, Kit is aware that this is the first time they've come anywhere close to properly discussing Madmartigan's suicide.

Sorsha nods. "You know what is right," she says. "With Jade. In your heart you know what you want. You have just had so many bombs thrown at you in your life that you've built up all these walls to protect yourself. It's okay to build a door, as well."

Kit was going to sit with this unusual wisdom from her mother, then Airk snorts and says, "Jesus, mom, since when did you become a self help book? That was so cringe, oh my God!"

Sorsha tuts, but she's starting to smile. "You'll follow your heart in the end," she says to Kit again. Then, she stands up, smooths a crease in her shirt, and says she needs to get ready for dinner.

*

Elora had decided early on that she didn't want any sort of hen party, which both she, in her physical state, and Kit, in her emotional state, are very grateful for. Kit simply could not handle planning a bar crawl or strippers right now.

So the close family and friends casual bonfire the night before is the closest thing either to-be is getting to a hen party or stag do. Two days before the wedding, too, because Elora is sensible and has booked a spa day the day before she gets married so she can relax and have an early night.

Knowing Kit, if it were her wedding she'd take any opportunity she could to get wasted at a weekend-long party and get married hungover before diving back into the spirits. Not in an alcoholic way. In a fun way.

She's been thinking about her dad a lot. About what Sorsha told her.

Madmartigan hated her because she knew the truth. Because she was a little girl one day idolising her dad, and the next she was a child watching her mom throw things and scream and her dad walk out on her to smoke and play a shitty set of chords on his acoustic guitar.

In reality it wasn't that quick or simple. It was years of falling asleep against her dad's chest or shoulder, being carried to bed, having someone on her team for once. Then he started having less and less time for her, until he decided he was on no one's team but his own.

Kit hated him for leaving her in every way he did so. But he hated her for hating him.

Her head spins with deja vu.

Maybe Kit just wasn't meant to be loved. If she could be hated from so young by the people who are supposed to love her unconditionally, maybe it's just not meant for her.

A weight plops down beside Kit and she shakes her head. Returns to reality. Beside her is Theo, who is her only reminder of the fact that she is capable of love and being loved.

"You spaced out," Theo tells her.

"I know."

"You've been doing it a lot."

"I know."

Kit sighs.

Theo sighs.

Theo asks, "How come Jade isn't here?"

Again, Kit sighs.

"I keep asking everyone but nobody will answer and then they get all quiet," Theo continues. "I just want to know where she is, I don't want to be rude."

"You're not being rude, don't worry," Kit says. "It's my fault no one will tell you what's happening. And it's my fault Jade's not here."

"Oh," Theo says. "Did you have a fight?"

Kit nods. "Yeah."

"A big one?"

"Yeah."

"What about?"

"Jade wants kids. To have a baby, with me," Kit says.

"And you don't?" Theo draws up her knees to her chest to lean her cheek against her knee to look at her mom.

Kit shakes her head. "I don't know. I didn't know, at least. I think I do want more kids, I just got swept up in these feelings."

Suddenly, Kit looks at Theo and realises she's absorbing all of this information and processing it properly. When did she grow up so much? It feels like just yesterday she was still struggling to tie the laces on her cleats.

"Would you mind having more siblings?" Kit asks her, always validating Theo's feelings.

"I'd like it, I think," Theo says. "To be a big older sister. Some of the girls in my year have little siblings but they're only a couple years a part. I think the perfect age gap is like me and Margot. But I think it'd be fun to be a lot older. I'd wanna help out."

Kit thinks she tears up when she smiles at her daughter. "When did you get so grown up?"

Theo smiles back, all shiny teeth and rosy cheeks. "While you were off dating!" Kit's heartstrings pull for a second, fearing she'd neglected her daughter for her love life. Then Theo says, "I'm joking. You've been busy this year and it's been nice seeing you happy, and to get the freedom to be more grown up. You did this."

"I did?"

She nods. "You let me walk to school and back by myself, you let me go over to friends more. I stay up later. You hang around less. I liked that, but I also like this." Then Theo says, "I think we both grew up a lot."

Theo rests her head against Kit's shoulder for a second. Just as Kit brings her arm up to put around her, Theo bolts upright. She says, "By the way, Mr Willow has been asking after you all day. Thought I'd give you a heads up."

Kit thanks her and puts her head to her knees, groaning.  

*

AIRK: ok i don't want to encourage reckless behaviour
AIRK: but
AIRK: according to jade's spotify listening history she has been non stop blasting jeff buckley
AIRK: so

KIT: Thank u for that very helpful piece of information

AIRK: i thought u'd wanna know

KIT: Stop stalking her I'm already going to apologise

AIRK: u r?
AIRK: and it isn't stalking when i happen to have followed her on spotify since we were 14 ok ik exactly who she is listening to and when

KIT: Stalker
KIT: And yes I'm going to apologise and tell her I was wrong and hope to at least settle any bad blood even if this is the last straw for us

AIRK: that's very mature of u
AIRK: is this even kit texting me rn?

KIT: Shut up it's me
KIT: Idk what to say to her though

AIRK: the truth?

KIT: No shit
KIT: I just mean that I've explained it so many times already that it feels disingenuous now idk it's stupid

AIRK: i'm sure she'll understand
AIRK: when r u gonna do it?

KIT: After we get back
KIT: I think I'm gonna ask her to meet me somewhere and apologise there rather than her coming to mine
KIT: Or maybe I'll go over to hers idk

AIRK: you have a week to figure it out so don't stress
AIRK: relax

KIT: That's what the spa day is for

AIRK: aren't u at that rn?

KIT: [photo attached]

AIRK: hot

KIT: Ikr
KIT: What are u doing rn?

AIRK: [photo attached]

KIT: Last time u got in a hotel swimming pool u got that ear infection are u sure u wanna risk it again

AIRK: i forgot about that.
AIRK: mom's here with me so i won't have to suffer alone this time

KIT: Ew
KIT: Someone's coming to scrub my feet now and I don't think I can text u and have my feet scrubbed so talk later
KIT: Enjoy the ear infection!

AIRK: enjoy the professional foot fetish ppl!

*

Kit is awoken by a storm blowing down her bedroom door.

When her eyes adjust to the waking world, she realises that it is in fact not a tornado, but two wet haired beady eyed children. One of whom came out of her.

"What?"

"Mom!" Theo shouts. "It's the wedding day!"

"The shower water is cold," Margot complains afterward, less urgently but definitely with a tone that says it is just as important as Kit apparently oversleeping.

She'd been up all night with Airk at the hotel bar he's staying at after spending all afternoon debating his stalking skills and enlisting his help to find out what Jade was or wasn't doing at that very moment. So yeah. Good whiskey, good company, and almost zero responsibilities? Yeah.

"What time is?" Kit asks, reaching for her phone. Which is dead. She'd neglected to properly connect the charger last night.

"Seven," Theo provides. "Dad told me to wake you up now 'cause he said you needed the sleep but-"

"I think I get it," Kit cuts her off, yawning. "Fu- I mean, uh- Christ. Yeah. God what was I even saying?"

Margot giggles mischievously while Theo laughs.

"Mommy's having her hair and makeup downstairs and the lady says we can get ours done as well," Margot tells her.

"If you want yours doing you need to be ready, like, now," Theo adds.

Kit sighs, runs a hand through her hair and then down her face, then groans. "It's okay. You two get made up. I'll get ready by myself. How long do I have?"

Both girls shrug.

"Okay cool. Cool, well, I assume one of you will get sent up if I'm running late again, yes?"

The girls laugh. On their way out, Theo looks over her shoulder and wishes her mom good luck.

Kit allows herself time to wallow while she showers. Margot is right, the water is cold but it's what Kit needs. She forces herself to focus on properly washing her hair, not to let her mind wander to Airk's Facebook stalking and SnapMaps.

Mind you, his stalking didn't tell her anything that surprised her. Jade is in Brooklyn still. She was in Manhattan at one point yesterday but she has friends there so nothing to suspect there. Kit's sure if they had access to her bank records, all they'd see is her topping up her metro card and her daily bagel for lunch, and possibly the cheapest bottle of rosé from the bodega across the street from her apartment. Nothing out of the ordinary. Kit would put her money on it.

She doesn't know what she was expecting. Something a bit more exciting maybe. Something a bit more along the lines of her listening to depressing songs about lovers because then at least Kit would know there wasn't only anger between them. A mutual regret, maybe.

But if Jade is functioning normally then so be it. Good for her.

Kit just sort of wishes that was her.

Her shower takes longer than it probably should. Further in the house, as she steps into her bedroom in just the towel, music is playing. From below her, she thinks. But it's all songs from Elora and Graydon's sappy playlists for each other. So Kit dries her hair, letting the hair dryer drown out every other noise. Then she puts on her own music, shuts herself in the bathroom, and stares at her reflection.

A no bra day means she'll just be wearing her underwear until it's time to get dressed. The fitted waist cost she got tailored for her does enough to cover and keep her covered, plus the only bras Kit actually owns are old breast-feeding ones and sports bras, neither of which really go with the vibe. She'll just have to hope Sorsha doesn't notice.

This nakedness however leaves a drop in her stomach as it so often does when her mood is low. Feels like a teenager again in the locker room full of all these other bodies better than her own, each with a mind attached that are thinking about the better bodies.

Kit touches her stomach, the scar. Pinches the skin and stretch marks on her hips. The painful swell in her chest, that tell-tale sign of her period on the horizon. Fuck's sake, just typical.

Objectively, Kit looks near identical to her teenage self. Thanks to a strict work out and diet regime from a couple of years ago, she got the closest to her weight from before Theo, and has maintained that more or less ever since cutting back to a more manageable scheme. But still.

Kit thinks this is that inner child thing talking. Or maybe just the whole being a woman thing. Of course her eyes are drawn to all the changes.

Kit shakes her head and starts to style her hair. Put this little wave in it that used to be permanent from the salt water. (Another change). She puts the faintest touch of makeup on, covering up the bags underneath her eyes and this stubborn spot that sprouted on her cheek. If she knew she wasn't going to be in photos, she might stop there, or maybe not have put anything on at all. But the camera being in her face all day, or at least close to her face, has her feeling insecure; so she tints her eyebrows and lashes darker for good measure as well.

Fuck it. That'll do.

She's worn more makeup for important meetings and interviews before. Thank god she doesn't have to do any of that anymore at work.

Getting dressed, Kit carefully pulls on the matching trousers and vest. She slides her shoes onto her feet with ease - these fancy loafers with a nice, short platform to give her that little boost to be average height. They were a Christmas present from Sorsha years ago and she wears them so rarely that they still look brand new. This also means, however, that they'll likely give her blisters. So she makes a mental note to pick up a pack of band aids before they leave.

For the last half hour, her phone has been exploding with notifications. Kit had every intention of checking them in case something important happened. But then there's this almighty crash from downstairs as she's spraying cologne against her jaw and behind her ear. The carpeted floor saves the bottle when she drops it, jumping at the crash. Then she's racing downstairs, expecting blood or a robbery or God knows what.

Instead, Graydon is on his ass with an inflatable ball in his hands, a side table on it's ass as well.

"What the-?"

Margot and Theo can't stop laughing, Theo in the makeup chair and Margot also on her ass. In their matching dresses and soon to be matching hairstyles, they look adorable. Sea green dresses (the colour chosen by Elora for her bridesmaids to wear, to compliment her cream and Graydon's, and by proxy the men's, charcoal grey) glowing in the late morning sunlight streaming through the windows. They must've been doused in some sort of glittery, shimmery thing, too, because both girls are giving their best Edward Cullen impression without even trying (or, probably, knowing what Twilight is).

Even the hair stylist is chuckling to the makeup artist as she arranges a braid on Theo's head.

Through the master bedroom door Elora emerges like an honest-to-God angel. Haloed in back-light, her copper hair flowing down her back in delicate waves, veil creating this glow. Dress luminous against the earthy tones of the ranch house.

Hands on her hips, she says, "Now, what did I say about throwing things?" She's smiling though, that much is clear when she steps out into the hallway for real. She covers her mouth with her hand, poorly concealing a laugh, at the sight of her soon-to-be husband on the ground.

"We were practicing the bouquet toss," he explains, sitting up. "But we obviously don't have a bouquet to practice with."

"The bouquet of flowers I toss? That you have no part in?" Elora teases.

"Uh-huh. Yup," Graydon nods. "In other news, your daughter has a wicked throwing arm. You should sign her up for basketball."

"With who's height?" Elora offers a hand to him, pulling him up to his feet. They look at each other with such radiant, euphoric smiles, leaning in for a quick kiss as Elora steals the ball back.

"No more throwing things on our wedding day that aren't meant to be thrown, yes?" She demands a response from everybody in the room, including the makeup artist and Kit. "Oh, Kit. Good morning. You feeling okay?"

"Feeling great," Kit says honestly. How could she be upset about her own future when surrounded by so much joy?

"Oh, good! I'm glad!" She claps her hands together. "You look amazing, Kit. Wow. You should wear that colour more."

"Me? Look at you! You look like a princess!" Kit scoffs at the absurdity.

"We can both look good at the same time," Elora points out, which is fair. Then she smiles and looks to the girls. "But if you wanna talk about beauties, I think we need to talk about the real princesses in the room."

Margot beams, clearly already feeling like royalty in her dress and sparkly eyeshadow. Of course, Theo smiles too but in that insecure way when you don't know how to take a compliment. A blush creeps onto her cheeks.

"Prettiest flower girls ever, I think," Kit agrees. When Margot runs over to them she pinches her cheek to make her laugh again and would surely give Theo the same treatment if she weren't sitting perfectly still as the last of the pins are slid into her hair.

*

The ceremony is beautiful.

Just close family along the first two rows of pews in the church, stain glass windows and late morning light wiping away any concerns about their collective beings in a church (gay, raised Hindi, gay, premarital sex, child out of wedlock, gay). An intimate service, held by Elora's step father and Kit's therapist Willow, who applied to officiate decades ago and knew it would come in handy one day. He has witty quips and emotional lows throughout his service that make it so meaningful for Elora and Graydon.

Elora doesn't stop crying all through the wedding. From the moment the piano started playing, signalling Kit to take her first steps down the aisle as maid of honour. Following Margot and Theo throwing petals over the floor had her sobbing. Afterward, she blamed the hormones. Kit knows the truth.

They take family photos outside of the church, tall, old trees their backdrop with flowers sprouting around their feet. All so complimentary to their natural colour palette.

All the bridesmaids lined up in their mismatched outfits all in the same sea foam green. The groomsmen in their grey suits and ties. And, of course, Elora and Graydon, arm in arm, or rather in the other's arms, smiling because they're looking at their world.

They take a family one. Elora, Graydon, Kit, Margot and Theo. Kit snickers that it makes them look like a Mormon polycule which has everybody guffawing, even Margot who has no idea what a Mormon nor a polycule is. It takes the perfect picture.

Kit and the other bridesmaids and groomsmen are sent back to the ranch to begin welcoming guests and making sure everything is running smoothly. Meanwhile, Elora is being swept back off to the house for the makeup artist to touch up her makeup and for her hair to be redone where pieces have fallen out. The kids are given a choice where to go. Naturally, Theo glues herself to Kit's side.

They've not seen each other as much as usual over the past week, Kit's fault not her own. So of course she won't deny her daughter this.

Halfway through following her mom around the catering staff, Theo gets bored. Thankfully, Airk had arrived by this time and is happy to entertain. Margot must've fallen into the same slump with her parents because she comes running out of the house and toward where Theo and Airk are cartwheeling in the grass to join them.

Knowing the kids are with a reasonable (mostly) adult, Kit gets on with making sure everything is perfect. She'd gotten a message from Elora saying she needed fifteen more minutes because she got the worst craving for a disgusting sandwich combination so needed time to make it, eat it, let it go down and brush her teeth so her breath didn't smell of it.

Basically, Kit is quickly rushed off her feet talking to people she doesn't know and making sure there are enough complimentary glasses of prosecco for everybody and reorganising table places and directing people to their seat. People probably think she's actually in charge of everything. Even the photographer comes over to her check that everything is how they discussed. Kit just has to agree.

After something like two hours, Kit is starving and desperately needs two drinks, one for hydration and the other for intoxication, but her bladder is so full and she just can't wait in the queue for the albeit very fancy portable toilets. So she downs a glass of fizz and legs it to the now empty house, just making it in time. Because there's still a little while until food, Kit grabs a small bite to eat as well and makes her way back down to the tented area.

When the evening light drops, this place is gonna be magical. The tent will be lit up with fairy lights strung across the roof, lanterns adding to the glow. Romantic for sure.

Just as Kit is thinking about how romantic it'll look to have their first dance under that lighting, she hears a voice that stops her in her tracks and almost stops her heart all together. She ducks for cover, then remembers she's in the middle of a fucking field with no cover. Because she can't immediately see the source of said voice, she carefully follows the sound until she's peering around the far edge of the tent.

"It'll be good as new, I promise," Jade says with a smile.

Sitting in front of her is Theo, hair all over the place with pins and flowers all loose and messy. How had Kit missed this? Fuck.

Then her heart pulls like a magnet (those fucking magnets) as she takes in the sight in front of her. Jade's hands weaving through Theo's hair, pulling out flowers and strands of grass and collecting them on one knee, placing the pins on the other. Enamoured, Kit watches Jade part her hair and begin to braid it.

"Is it okay?" Theo asks in a small voice.

"I can't put it back exactly how it was before," Jade says slowly as she mathematically pulls new pieces of hair into the braid. "But I can do my best to make it look sort of how it was before. I hope that's alright?"

Sadly, Theo nods. "I didnt mean to ruin it."

"Hey, I'm sure it's no big deal," Jade says. "Firstly, your parents aren't the sort of people to be upset that you had fun and got a bit messy. And it isn't ruined! You were flipping upside down and every which way, of course your hair was going to come loose. But your outfit is still perfect if not a little wrinkled, but look at me! My shirt was wrinkled before I even got here!" Jade smooths over a part of her hair and requests Theo hold it for a second while she braids the other side. "Trust me, kid. You're fine. You're perfect. No one will even notice."

So Theo nods her head, the faintest smile beginning to form on her lips.

Kit leaves the scene as she had entered it, which is to say sneaking like a Looney Tunes character. Quickly, it is her mission to drink enough to lose her anxiety and find her brother. Both of these come easy to her as Airk is flirting with the bar staff. Not an open bar but Kit quickly opens a tab for the bride and groom and herself (and, like, her mom and brother and daughter) that she'll settle later on, a gift to them. She orders two shots of Jack Daniels, throws them down her throat, then orders a cocktail she can sip on. While it's being made, she turns to her brother.

"If you're gonna fuck someone from the wedding it has to be from the opposite party," Kit tells him. "That's, like, the key rule of wedding hook-ups. That and don't fuck the bride or groom."

"Well, considering I'm on both of their sides I figured the staff was free game," Airk says. The barmaid he'd been smiling at suddenly scoffs and walks away with a flick of her pink hair. "Wait not like that!" He calls lamely after her. "I meant, like, metaphorically! Not to objectify you!" Then he drops his head and groans. "Thanks a lot."

"Jade is here." She needed to get it out of the way. Off her chest. Couldn't hold it in any longer.

Her frozen margatita is given to her and she takes two long sips through the straw before remembering why she can't chug a frozen cocktail. She presses her thumb and finger to the bridge of her nose and wills away her brain freeze.

"What do you mean?" Airk says, politely ordering a drink from the other barmaid. "I thought you said she wasn't coming."

"Well I didn't think she was," Kit says. "I mean, why would she even want to come? It's just gonna be weird and awkward."

Airk grimmaces. "I mean, there is a way to make it not awkward or weird."

"Or it'd make it more awkward and weird."

"That's fair."

The twins sigh in unison. The man serving Airk his drink asks if they're twins and they nod and his smile grows. Kit walks away before she can hear whatever he was going to say about twins because the fire in his eyes said enough.

She finds her place at the big table at the front and takes a seat next to Margot who is furiously scribbling in a colouring book.

Watching her chubby hands work as they hold a very loose conversation about the animal she's colouring in (a horse? but it's pink and green and she keeps calling it not a horse and in fairness is doesn't really look like a horse) distracts Kit for her to lose enough time to he shocked by Elora taking her seat on the opposite side of Margot.

"Jade came," Elora says, more cheerily than Kit.

"I know."

"Isn't that good news?"

Kit shrugs. "I just don't feel very prepared to talk to her is all." Kit had forcefully debrief Elora on the entire Baby Gate situation two nights ago when Kit came back late and Elora was up, strategically waiting for Kit but also waiting for her Uber Eats delivery. Safe to say she knows everything now. 

Elora chuckles. "Are the margaritas helping?"

"Hey, since you're eating for two I've taken it upon myself to do the honourable thing and drink for two." She gestures between the both of them, putting on that charming little smile that usually makes Elora laugh and thus would make Kit laugh. But maybe today it doesn't quite land or doesn't reach her eyes, or maybe Elora can see straight through her. Because she gets no laugh and thus no laugh bubbles up from her own chest.

"You should talk to her before she leaves," Elora advises. "And before you drink so much you forget how to talk to her."

"I doubt she'll be leaving any time soon. I've got all day."

Well, in theory.

Except then everyone is being shown to their seats and the three course meal is brought out for the everybody. Kit can see Jade. She's on the table with Airk and Gray's cousin, who Kit has now learnt is named Sufi now she has a face to put to a name not just a zoomed in photo, which really helps her remember her name after all this time. Thanks to the round tables, however, Jade had thankfully been sat, or maybe chosen to sit, facing away from the table at the front of the room sitting the bride and groom, and Kit.

The meals are filling enough that Kit is sobered up quickly after the starter, so she orders another cocktail. During the main course complimentary glasses of wine are served with the food. After dessert, she orders a bottle of Deseperados to wash it all down.

By that point, her head is swimming and she knows the schedule for the day well enough to know that speeches will be following shortly. Of which she needs to give one. She could have written a long love letter to Elora and Graydon because God knows they have the history and she has the love and words to do so. But she decided to keep it short (well, had intended on keeping it short) and sweet with a story from years ago.

Kit drinks water until her speech, then uses the rest of her beer to hold while she gives her speech.

Elora's collection of foster parents each have a word to say in a patchwork version of the typical father (and mother) of the bride speech. This is emotional and brings tears to everybody's eyes. Graydon's best man, his college roommate and now fellow teacher, has a comedic best man speech that involves a math lesson that has more people laughing over not being able to do the math as well as the sentiment.

Then Kit is up. She memorised this story from the moment it happened knowing damn well it would come in handy on day. She didn't expect that day to be almost fifteen years afterward, but still.

Kit clears her throat. "So, a bit of background knowledge for anyone who still doesn't know the story of how me, Graydon and Elora came to know each other. When I was eighteen, after a one night stand, I became pregnant with Graydon's child. We were never romantically involved and I am a lesbian. It's funny, you can laugh." She encourages the laughter even if it's forced so far. "I met Elora the moment I found out I was with child and we were inseparable. I then introduced Graydon to Elora, so you can basically call me Cupid."

The married couple in question pout and applaud her.

"On a sentimental note, I am so grateful to have been a part of their love story because it's one for the history books. I love you guys." Kit says this to them directly. Addressing the whole room again, Kit puts a smile on her face. "I want to tell all of you, though, a story from eight months after that fateful one night stand. Picture this: the three of us crammed onto Graydon's couch. Me heavily, heavily pregnant. Those two just starting to explore their relationship. There was this foot-massage train going, and by that I mean I was obliged to a massage because I was, again, almost nine months pregnant, and Elora had casually kicked her feet into Graydon's lap about ten minutes after mine appeared in hers."

This garners a laugh from everyone and an eye roll from those who know Kit personally and know how much of a her thing that is.

She goes on, "We're just watching a movie, nothing specially romantic or memorable about the night. Until a couple of hours later and I can't sleep because I have a foot in my lung and they were sleeping when I slept for camaraderie reasons or something. All we did was watch movies those days when they weren't in class. And I realised how hungry I was for, like, fresh fruit. For whatever reason, Elora suddenly craves all this fruit as well."

The couple are smiling now like they remember the day as well.

"Without warning, off Gray goes. Mind you, it's, like, midnight at the earliest. He's gone for like an hour. We start another movie. Then he comes back with all his fruit that's practically fresh off the tree. How he did it I have no idea." Kit smiles at them, basically telling only them this story now despite the microphone in hand. "He comes in, hands us this fruit, and says, 'I'm going to bed. Wake me up if you want anything else.' So as soon as his bedroom door shut, I said to Elora, 'If you don't marry him, I think I will'."

At the time, Kit had only been teasing her. The two had been back-and-forthing with testing the waters of a relationship. Except Kit knew they were basically together just not talking about it to each other. She'd just been teasing. But she also knew, even then, that that had set something in motion for Elora from the way she blushed and glanced at the door.

In other words, Kit had set this whole thing in motion. Call her a mastermind.

Kit gives a final cheers to the newlyweds and takes her seat again. As she casts a glance to the familiar eyes in the room, she finds Airk's usual smile and, beside him, Jade's unreadable, emotive eyes. Her lips are curled into a smile as she claps.

*

Turns out, weddings are very busy places. Kit hadn't been consciously avoiding Jade since before speeches but she simply could not find her, or even escape a conversation long enough to search for her. Kit didn't even know Elora and Graydon knew this many people!

Even though Kit had been actively searching for Jade, she'd had no luck. And now, stood in like with Theo for a drink (actively avoiding her therapist now because no way ws she having that conversation now of all times and places), Kit finally locks eyes with Jade as she throws an arm around Airk's shoulders in a hug. A hug goodbye if Kit's lip reading has suddenly become a skill she has. Kit watches Jade release Airk and begin to head for the exit. Airk's eyes find her immediately, alarms ringing in his head and eyes like neon signs on a dark street. She'd have to be blind to not be able to read what he's saying.

She's leaving!

Theo orders herself a diet coke and Kit makes some sort of gesture to add it to her tab. Maybe it's rude, but she's a bit busy letting the love of her life walk out of her life.

Fuck.

Of course Jade's the love of her life. She's known this her entire life. Why is this a fact that now hurts?

Kit watches Jade's red hair leave the tent and her chest pulls toward her. Fucking magnets. Kit can't just let her leave. She needs to go with her, to follow her. Fix this.

"Mom," Theo laughs at her side. "Go and talk to her."

Kit does not need to be told twice. She takes off in a run after Jade, weaving through the dancing bodies and chairs not put back correctly.

Once outside of the tent, she can see Jade isn't far away at all. On her phone beside the big tree most of the string lights are hanging from.

Kit says her name and her head whips around. She smiles but it's faint and a bit bitter.

"Thought you were gonna ignore me all day," she says, sliding her phone into her pocket.

Her pants are cuffed, too long for her, and match the dark grey of the men's suits. Hers have a slim pinstripe pattern, however, and are very classy. Her shirt looks straight out of Airk's wardrobe ten years ago. A billowy linen shirt that's practically see-through, top three or so buttons undone and hanging open over her chest. Nothing is on show and Kit wonders what her magic trick is then realises she shouldn't be studying her breasts trying to figure out how she's covered up her nipples.

She brings her eye line up. Around her throat is that golden chain, the clasp having swung to the front after a day's wear. Kit's hand rises to her own neck where she touches the matching necklace. All of a sudden, it feels like a noose.

"I didn't know you were coming," Kit says.

"I was invited, wasn't I?" Jade shifts the weight from one foot to another, folding her arms over her chest.

Yes, that's true. Kit sighs but doesn't say anything in response. Doesn't know what to say. She looks at Jade again. Now Kit's looking she notices that Jade's clothes are as wrinkled as she claimed they were earlier. And that Jade looks as beautiful as ever with the sun setting behind her, illuminating her silhouette angelically.

"I'm sorry." Kit takes a deep breath. Then she can't stop. "I was scared and wasn't thinking properly and I should have told you. I know I should have. I'm sorry I didn't. I'm sorry for everything."

The words fall out of her mouth the way a glass would tip out of a hand gone slack. They clatter to the ground at their feet, leaving shards for them to dance around.

Jade doesn't say anything straight away, so Kit takes it upon herself to remove the shards of glass from the floor.

She continues, "I got caught up in my thoughts because I've got all these messed up conceptions of parenthood and what it's meant to be, and I'm not actually sure after this weekend it's any better but-" She sighs, getting side tracked. "What I mean is: I don't expect you to forgive me straight away or for things to go back to normal any time soon. I know I hurt you. But you waited ten years for a chance that we'd be together again, so if you need ten years, I will wait-"

Suddenly, Jade's hands are on her face and pulling their mouths together. The kiss cuts something loose in Kit, this taut line that had been strangling her from inside of her throat ever since the spring. God, Kit can breathe again.

When they separate, it's this slow pull. A slow release, like breaking the air-tight seal on a Tupperware box. They're breathless, supporting each other by leaning their foreheads together. Kit, for one, is slightly shell shocked. Happy, yes. But surprised. When she opens her eyes, she finds Jade equally as happy.

"Sorry to cut you off," Jade says. "You were just talking so much and I-" She runs her thumb in a circle over Kit's cheekbone, taking a deep breath. Her tongue pokes out as she wets her lips. "I missed you so much. I didn't know how much longer I could wait."

"I missed you too." Then they kiss again and Kit wrinkles Jade's shirt even more with how tight of a grip she has on the girl's waist.

"I do think-" Jade says, then her mouth is preoccupied again with a kiss. "That we-" Kiss. "-should probably-" Kiss. "-talk-" Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. "-more."

Kit nods her head. "Sure. Yeah. Sorry." 

They decide to sit up on the hill close to the house to have their conversation. Kit swipes a bottle of fizz from the tent to occupy them. She thinks, and maybe it's a bit of a presumption but then again Jade holds her hand during the short walk and, y'know, the whole kiss thing, that this talk will end well. So she isn't very concerned with getting way past tipsy.

Where they sit, they can see the sun just as it passes below the horizon and paints the world in pinks and oranges. Kit points out that the sky has turned the colours of the lesbian flag as she pops the cork out of the prosecco bottle. Jade laughs.

"Makes sense that Mother Nature would be a lesbian," Jade says, taking the bottle from Kit when offered to her. Kit chuckles.

Suddenly, Kit forgets all words. Doesn't know what to say or where to start. Which is how these things always seem to go. But this time, Jade doesn't seem bothered. Instead, she takes a deep breath and puts the bottle back into Kit's hands.

"I wasn't going to come, you know?" Jade says. "I sold the plane ticket. I returned the suit. I'd decided that if we were gonna try again then it'd be up to you to come to me. I wanted you to grovel at my feet for my forgiveness." She laughs nervously to herself. "But then- I don't know. Something changed. I was wide awake last night and knew I was being childish so I started googling plane tickets and cars I could rent. I wanted to fight for us."

Jade picks at the grass around them, plucking up handfuls and picking the blades off her palm where they stick. The more she talks, the more the grass sticks.

She continues, "So I booked a Greyhound. Then had like four hours to prepare, and in my sleep deprivation I booked it one way so I had no way of backing out. I put on the smartest thing I could find, had to dig it out of the very bottom of my closet. Packed a small bag of things I would only a hundred percent need, and got on the bus."

Jade laughs to herself and says, "I felt sick. Not just because the roads were fucking awful. I was worried. I thought I was making a mistake and that you really wouldn't want to have a life with me and I started to freak out." Nervously, Jade thumbs the chain around her neck. Kit drinks from the bottle and offers it to Jade, who declines. "So I made a last minute decision. Before the first pit stop, where I could get off and never get back on and make my way home somehow, I called Sorsha."

Kit sucks in a breath. Time and time again, Jade continues to shock her.

"I know that's sort of going behind your back, but I wanted to know if I was making the right choice." Jade looks at her while she talks now, making Kit realise she'd been averting her gaze prior to now. "She surprised me, y'know? Told me she'd meet me at the bus station and that I'd be able to put my bag in her room for the day. That I wasn't making a mistake and she'd talk to me when she picked me up."

"What did she say?" Kit is naturally a nosy person, of course she wants to know what her mom said about her.

Jade laughs. "I knew you'd ask. She just got protective, you know? It was like getting the talking to when you're a kid in your first relationship. Just told me you weren't as strong as you make yourself seem to be to the world. Which I knew. It was very sweet, really. I'm glad you guys are better, now."

Filled with joy at the thought of her mom helping Jade when she so desperately wanted help, and doing the job so effectively, Kit is inexplicably at a loss for words. In this context, it is the first time this has happened.

"She told me about my dad." It feels relevant enough to admit now.

Jade's eyebrows raise as she takes the bottle from Kit.

"I know that's not-" Kit sighs, shaking her head. "She's been amazing this week. And I'm sort of not even waiting for it to end. I think she's really gotten better."

"That's amazing," Jade says earnestly. "What did she say about your dad?"

"That's less amazing," Kit says. Then she repeats her mother's words about Madmartigan's resentment.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"But it was all in the context of how mom knew he was the one," Kit explains. "Before she told me that, she just answered all my questions about how she knew she wanted kids and specifically with dad and how she knew she didn't want any more and it just- Besides from the fact that it was the most she's ever told me about him in a positive sense, it helped me clear through all the things in my head. Which I really needed."

Nodding her head, Jade plants the prosecco bottle in a groove in the grass so it stands up right. Her eyes are huge.

"So?" Jade says.

Kit thinks she already knows the answer to that broad question, which is exactly the reason for her lack of specificity. Still, Kit will honour her with a response.

"So-"

At that exact moment, every single light in the field - strung up with the tent, wound around the tree trunk and bleeding into the branches, sticking up from the grass, porch lights all around the house, hanging lanterns - turns on. The once dim place is suddenly alive with golden light, like Midas folded his hand over the whole piece of land. The inside of tent illuminates further as a piece of romantic music swells. With it, the night sky deepens into a velvety indigo.

Kit laughs, in shock at the beauty of the scene. At her side, Jade gasps.

When Kit turns her head, Jade's face is lit up both by the golden lights but also with wondrous joy. Kit feels every line in her body soften and begin to glow. She says, "So I want to have children with you. I want a life with you. And I'd be a damn fool to let you go."

Kit feels electric when Jade begins to beam.

"Really?"

"I'd marry you right now."

"Kit-"

"I'm serious," she says. "I don't think I wanna wait any more. We lost so much of what could have been because I didn't say what I wanted just because I was afraid of the answer. And, trust me, marriage is scary as fuck. Not being married to you, just the whole thing. But I want it. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I want to give you as many children as you want and we can name them after animals and liquor and be laughed out of town for all I care." She must've moved closer to Jade as she spoke because Kit realises she's halfway to climbing into Jade's lap. "I want you."

For the second time that evening, Jade grabs Kit's face and pulls her into a ferocious kiss. Not that Kit would ever complain about being pulled on top of Jade (the in an open field part, however, is a little juvenile for Kit nowadays, but the prosecco, and every other drink from earlier in the day, is helping distract from that part), but she's starting to think that, having been kissed now twice after a big confession, maybe Jade is just as bad with her words and feelings as Kit is.

When the grass begins to irritate Kit's arms, they head toward the tent. Re-entering arm-in-arm, Kit is quickly aware of two things. One being the eyes of every person she knows in the room laying eyes on her and Jade's hooked elbows. The second being that she's a hundred percent missed Graydon and Elora's first dance. (And that maybe she had heard the song they'd rehearsed to so often with Kit as their audience but she was too busy being kissed to realise that that's what was happening).

No one seems mad at her. Her mom is smiling knowingly like a fox from across the room with Willow and his friends. Elora and Graydon, on the dance floor still mind you, just not slow dancing to Jason Derulo, are pointing and smiling like idiots, trying to be subtle. Airk has abandoned his next attempted date to watch his sister instead. Margot is being swung by a happy Theo.

"Should we join them?" Jade asks, nodding her head toward the dance floor.

Kit smiles and links their hands. "Let's go."

*

Within the first forty eight hours of returning to New York after the wedding, Kit and Jade borrow Airk as their legal adult witness and are married at the courthouse.