Work Text:
The stairs. Cauldron, if she yells at Feyre about anything next, it’ll be how many stairs are in her main home. And why the library was so damn high up.
Nesta sighed as she read her less than appropriate book, holding onto the railing as she made her way down to the living room. Winter Solstice was tomorrow, and Nesta wanted to care, she really did. It was just…difficult.
She snapped her eyes open when she made it to the triple steps leading to the common room and somewhere to sit. Though, she didn’t expect to see how beautiful her sister was.
Looking out the window at the falling snow as she bounced her son on her hip, laughing and pointing to the specks of frozen water, Nyx imitating her.
So much had changed. So much had been healed. Passing small smiles were such a big step for her, and Feyre knew that. There was a babe involved now, her little nephew. If Nesta was told 5 years ago that Feyre would be the one to make her an aunt and not Elain, she would have laughed in your face. Though, she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Nesta debated leaving, she didn’t want to ruin Feyre’s happy moment 12 hours before they would wake for her birthday. The debate was cut short by Feyre turning and being met with her sister on the steps. She offered a small smile. “Hey. Need anything?” She asked.
Nesta shook her head, folding the page in her book as she decided to have a brief conversation with her. This couldn’t hurt, right? She could do this. Be normal, act cordial-
“Oh, I love that book.” Feyre commented. Nesta’s cheeks blushed. “You shouldn’t be reading-“ Feyre raised an eyebrow and motioned to Nyx on her hip. Nesta couldn’t help but purse her lips at that. Fair. Funny, but fair.
Nesta exhaled going down the last few steps and setting the book down on the armrest on the couch. “So, how’s motherhood?” Not asking maliciously for once, but genuine curiousity, and Feyre could see that.
“It’s…something that I never knew I’d be able to have. In many instances.” Nesta swallowed the lump in her throat and held off on saying anything . One point added. “It’s a blessing and…it really does make everything worthwhile. Everything I’ve gone through since that day in the cabin…” She glanced at Nesta.
“Do you…want to hold him?” Feyre asked.
Nesta’s back and neck tensed up. “N-No, thank you but-“ God, her stupid sister’s fucking face. Her little baby face even though she was in her early twenties. Nesta grunted before holding out her hands. Feyre gave a winning smirk before passing Nyx to her softly.
“Hi…Hello.” Nesta said gently, probably the lowest her voice has ever been. Feyre’s smile still laid on her face, her son still looking around and babbling.
“He’s a beautiful boy, Feyre.” Nesta commented. “He wouldn’t be if not for you.” Feyre said gently. Nesta shook her head. “Don’t. Please don’t put me on a pedestal, I’m-“
“I’m not. I’m just telling you thank you.” Feyre replied.
“I never…apologized, really. For telling you about-“ Nesta was abruptly cut off.
“No. Don’t. I don’t care how you told me. In reality, I think I would have panicked more if I didn’t know what was wrong.” Feyre hugged herself watching Nesta hold her baby boy. “It was wrong of you to do, yes, but…” She didn’t finish the sentence. Perhaps that was a good thing.
“…I was scared, you know.” The older sister admitted. “That so much would go unsaid. I want you to know I…I’m really trying. And I want to try. It’s just-“
“It’s just that 3 years ago, our lives didn’t even hold a candle to what we’re living now.” Feyre sighed. “Please let me talk.” Nesta nodded. She could tell Feyre wanted the babe back, so she passed him.
“We’ve had…a tumultuous relationship, to say the least.” Feyre let out a small laugh and Nesta let her lips curl up a bit. “Our lives…have been nothing but normal. Love wasn’t…something we were concerned with. I now know how…awful your mentality was and…I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.” Nesta tensed up at that, but let Feyre talk. They haven’t had a conversation this long in…well, ever.
“You couldn’t let yourself love and you were…such a bitch.” Nesta let out a laugh. Feyre smiled with some tears in her eyes as Nyx babbled. “But…we’re older, and…I’ve had a lot of thinking to do and, if we’re gonna have immortality together, or anywhere near how long Rhys, Cass, and Az, have been brothers. I want it to be good. I want you to be happy.” Nesta’s lower lashes became wet.
“You are…so much better.” They both cried at this point. “And I am so…so proud of you. I’m- I’m so sorry for what Rhys and I did but…” Nesta shook her head. “You did what you needed to.” Her voice cracked.
“You’re my sister, and…We‘ve had awful ups and downs, an understatement, but we’ve…gotten past them. I love you, so much. I would have never done the things I did as a child if I didn’t.” Nesta fully let her tears flow at that. She had wanted to hear that for so long. Her sweet sister saying she loved her, not on her deathbed in childbirth.
“Feyre, I…Gods. The past wasn’t pleasant for any of us. I didn’t make it any better. I…wallowed and suffered, because I thought I needed to.” Nesta straightened her back and smiled at Nyx.
“I…was an awful sister to you. I didn’t know how to move past that…I couldn’t. Letting you go out to hunt alone was and is one of my biggest regrets. Hearing that you died under the mountain…I didn’t know how to feel when that was said. Part of me wanted to scream and yell at you, part of me wanted someone to love me enough to do that for me, and part of me despised myself for not being there. We weren’t a family and-“ She let her manicured nails rub her nephew’s back. “But…you have a family now.” Nesta swallowed the lump in her throat before Feyre interrupted her.
“You’re my family. I’ve never known a life without you and…I never want to. Don’t ever think I do.” Nesta sniffled.
“…Father would be proud of you.” That was it. Nesta sobbed as she wiped her tears. Feyre turned to put Nyx down in one of his bassinets before going to hug Nesta. It felt…so at home. Blood against blood and hearts beating together. “Gods, what are we doing?” Feyre asked with a laugh. Nesta mimicked. “I have no idea.” Feyre pulled back, stilling holding Nesta’s hands
“You’re not the best sister, and you’re not the coolest sister, far from either of those actually. But you’re mine. And I wouldn’t change that, because I’m so proud of the woman you are. We never…asked for this life, and I’m not ignorant to that fact.” Feyre wiped her sister’s eyes. “I want to show you something in my art studio, okay?” Nesta nodded.
Feyre led her to the room, filled with the smell of paint, canvases everywhere of various scenery, people, and events. “Feyre, these really are great-“ There was one she was being led to, covered by a burgundy cloth up on an easel.
“I think, having a child can make you go slightly insane.” She joked. “I needed an outlet.” Nesta nodded. “I’ve um, been working on this. It’s nothing too much but,” She uncovered the painting and Nesta almost felt her heart go into her throat.
A little girl, no more than 4, holding a baby in her arms on a bed. Their old bed. Nesta had her hair in a braid, and a sweet dress that was a hand me down to Elain and Feyre later on, but was oil painted to look fresh and new. Feyre was wrapped in a small bundle of blankets, asleep in her older sister’s arms, with light shining through the window they had.
“It…may not be accurate.” Feyre smiled. “But…It came to me and I- Nes?”
The older sister could swear she’s cried more today than all of her days of her heart beating. “F-Feyre, this-“ She choked up. “This is beautiful…” Feyre smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”
“Like it? Feyre, this…this might be the kindest thing anyone’s ever done for me.” Her hands were trembling as she walked closer to investigate the brush strokes, the colors, everything.
“I…had forgotten what I looked like that young. In that dress.” Nesta managed to get out.
Feyre hitched her breath. “Do…you have plans this evening?” She asked in a whisper. Nesta sniffled as she looked at her. “Cassian can wait. Why?”
Feyre laughed at that. “You remember how when I came back after Tamlin and you asked me to teach you how to paint all those years ago?” Nesta nodded. She had almost forgot. She…barely recognized the girl she used to be. Feyre shrugged.
“I never gave you a second lesson. How rude of me.” Nesta laughed. She stood up looking at the beautiful painting that she would beat Cassian into convincing to hang in their house later.
Maybe this was it. This was what everything had been for. Love with her sister, the love she never believed she would have and the fate she had begrudgingly accepted. Talking with Feyre, living with Feyre, watching her be a mother and a wife to that douchebag who she hated to admit had a sliver of a heart. Maybe…that’s what recovery was all about, doing things you never dreamed possible.
“I’ll need to put my hair up, I suppose.”