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Today wasn’t any different. It was hectic, just as it usually is. Being the supreme guardian isn’t fairly easy. Bronya was finally free of work after eliminating the last few batches of paperwork left for the day. Finally, she could rest. She’d been waiting for it all day long.
Her eyes were drooping, barely noticing Seele by the corner. Her elbow rests against the wall, clearly waiting to catch Bronya’s attention. Now that she did, her light footsteps make their way to Bronya’s desk.
“You look tired.” Seele speaks in almost a whisper. Although, it was certainly enough to disturb the silence that ensued inside Bronya’s office.
Bronya sat up straight, fixing her position. It didn’t take long for her to mutter a reply while she watched Seele sit up on the edge of the table. “Today was simply very busy, there’s nothing to worry.”
“I trust you.” Three words that never failed to make Bronya’s heart flutter. They always made her heart feel so light, but in a good way. They were always so sweet to hear, especially when it came from her.
“Anyhow, what brought you here?” Bronya murmured, earning a sigh from Seele. Her words were at the tip of her tongue.
She felt like there was air blocking her throat to keep her from speaking everything that she wishes to say. She didn’t even want to bring it up, but she felt like she had to. She has to.
“The confession.” Seele blurts out, almost catching Bronya awake.
Right, the confession.
It was nearly three days ago when Seele for once acknowledged her feelings, in this same room they now stand on. They brushed it off easily, considering that Bronya was already half-asleep when Seele spoke her heart’s desire.
Seele took almost the entire day trying to muster up her courage, reciting every word she had to say—every time she messed up she’d end up kicking a random trash can, punching a wall or just breaking down in the middle of a random alleyway.
It was stupid, really. Though, she understood it now.
Love really does drive people crazy, doesn’t it?
None of them brought it up since. Seele didn’t want to remember the things she said. Bronya on the other hand simply thought that she was only dreaming. To be fair, she was barely awake at that moment and her brain couldn’t possibly have processed that information.
Although, now that she’s brought it up, it was real. Bronya didn’t dream—she wasn’t dreaming. Those same treacly words that escaped Seele’s lips were not mere fiction.
They were real.
The silence has never been more deafening than it is now. Not one of them dared speak unless their words were thought out soberly. Bronya could feel her hands go cold, not from the wintry landscape that sat outside, but the weight of her decision.
For as long as she lived, her heart was closed. They’d never have been opened for anyone. At most, Cocolia whom she considered her mother—but, anyone else? She didn’t know what to do or what to say.
She doesn’t know what her heart wants.
She doesn’t know what her heart longs for.
She doesn’t know whom her heart beats for.
However, she knows that it was only Seele who could fill her stomach with butterflies. She was the only one that could warm her hands whenever they were out in the cold. It was only her that she’d feel at home.
Seele is her home.
But, she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to love. She wasn’t ready to open her heart, yet.
“I don’t think…I’m prepared to, Seele. I apologize.” Bronya almost stutters, mumbling in a quiet tone. Seele’s expression didn’t change a bit. Though, if she was being honest, she was hurt at the very least.
“It’s okay, princess. I understand.” Seele coos, trying her best not to let her voice falter. “I’ll wait for you, no matter what.”
Seele’s words secured a small smile on Bronya’s lips. A pang of guilt filled her heart.
Why didn’t she say yes?
Why couldn’t she say yes?
Was she too weak to say yes?
Bronya’s train of thoughts were easily interrupted. Her eyes perk back to Seele who had been trying to say something for the past few seconds. It was as low as a whisper. It was barely audible, but it was enough for her to hear.
She had hoped that Bronya would be too sleepy to remember her words again. That she wouldn’t remember any of it once she opens her eyes in the morning.
“If you ever find it in your heart to love…love me.”
It didn’t take long before a bright flash of purple dashes across the room. With that, Bronya was alone again. Sitting on her desk after being stuck in between a revelation she couldn’t answer.
Seele had left.
It might just be Seele’s way of giving her space. To take some time and think about it properly. Although, leaving her with her thoughts wasn’t the best thing right now.
“I will. I will always choose you first.”
It was a silent response. One that she couldn’t possibly speak in front of her. She couldn’t do it, she could never.
Perhaps, she was just a coward. She admired Seele for her bravery, because she knew she couldn’t be that strong as to reciprocate the same feeling or at least accept it.
She was too afraid to love. She was afraid that it would hurt her—that it would leave only her heart tattered in the end.
She was too scared that she’d be the one who’d end up hurting someone.
She didn’t want to hurt Seele. It was never her intention to.
That’s the last thing she wants.
A few weeks had already gone by. Bronya was finally ready. She was ready to spout everything she needed to say. It was her turn to speak and admit to her feelings.
It didn’t take long until she could finally stand in front of her. Her heart was open this time.
“You don’t have to wait anymore.” Bronya spoke, fingers fidgeting around the fabric of her shirt. Her lips tugged into a nervous smile. She didn’t know if she was saying the right words, but what words could have been more genuine that those that came from her heart?
“I love you.” Her words fell into deaf ears. She didn’t receive a response. The place was silent.
“I choose you.” She could feel her hands shivering as the seconds went by. “I’ll love you for eternity.”
Her heart was drumming in her chest. It felt like they were being torn apart. This was far worse than it being left tattered. Far worse.
The quietude was replaced with soft sobs and tears that brimmed in her eyes. Her sobs—her cries. No one heard them. No one was there to hear them. No one was there to keep her freezing hand warm. Her soft touch wasn’t there to interlock with her fingers.
She could feel her knees buckle at the side, unable to even keep her balance straight. Her eyes were blurred as tears continued to bead.
How many more people did she have to lose because of their sacrifices?
Had that night not happened—Seele wouldn’t have been lost. She wouldn’t have been gone from her grasp.
Seele would have been here to hear her words. To respond to them.
But now, Bronya could only dream of it.
“This is all my fault—”, her words were cut off as she sniffled, trying to wipe away her tears desperately. Her guilt was eating at her and there was nothing she could do. “...I shouldn’t have let you go.”
Tears continued to profusely stream out of her eyes whilst her hands could only start to feel numb from the cold.
As she dried off her tears, a butterfly flew around her, immediately catching her attention. She carefully watched it as it sat on the bridge of her nose. She slowly picked up her arm before letting it sit on her finger.
She felt cozy. A warm feeling enveloped her completely. It felt like her hands were no longer being pierced by the cold.
“I guess… you really come to save me, don’t you?” She tries to force a smile, stifling almost a chuckle.
Only then had she realized that love was as beautiful as the flowers that grow in spring. It was as beautiful as the butterflies that would land softly on its petals.
Love is as beautiful as Seele.
It will always be as beautiful as her.