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Marlene McKinnon was James Potters best friend.
Marlene McKinnon was the person James went to when his nerves ate him up.
Marlene McKinnon was the person who had helped James convincing Lily to give him a chance.
Marlene McKinnon was the person who calmed James down right before a quidditch game when no one else was around.
Marlene McKinnon was the person James boarded the Hogwarts Express with for the first ever time.
Marlene McKinnon was the person who shot James a thumbs up right before asking Lily Evans out, every time.
Marlene McKinnon was the person who celebrated the most when he was made captain, even if she hated the idea of him bossing her around.
Marlene McKinnon was the person who James convinced they would win this war and go on to be professional quidditch players.
Marlene McKinnon was the person his son would refer to as ‘Auntie Marls’.
Marlene McKinnon would be the auntie who would spoil Harry along with Sirius.
Marlene McKinnon was who James was going to name his daughter after if he ever had one.
However, Marlene McKinnon was dead.
James doesn’t remember it; his mind was all blurry trying to get there as fast as he could.
It all started when he went to Moody’s office to get his next mission for the order, but he wasn’t there. No one but the reception lady. He looked around trying to find out why all the auror’s weren’t in the office, if something had happened and why they hadn’t told him. Then, he saw the address, he went stiff, blood running cold and mind racing. He doesn’t know when he started running or when he apparated to the house but now he was standing in front of it whilst Sirius and Dorcas stood outside, sobbing. Dorcas was on her knees, hands to her face and her whole body was shaking whilst Sirius crouched down next to trying to comfort her and calm her down whilst tears streamed down his cheeks. Sirius looked up at James and his face went cold.
“James, do not go in there.”
He didn’t listen. He walked past him, or tried to anyway.
“James please just listen to me, it won’t do you any good going in there, just wait for moody to come please.”
He shrugged Sirius off him and walked towards the door, he turned to look into the garden where they had buried her brother. He had died in their fourth year after some accident, he didn’t know the ins and outs all he knew was that Marlene would not leave the dorm for weeks on end, not eating, not talking to anyone. Everyone was getting worried for, even Dorcas came up to James to ask what was going on and at this point the girls ‘hated’ each other. Everyone was coming to him for what to do, how to help her and he did not know. That was until he, Sirius, and Remus fought their way up to the dorms and pretended to be her brothers. They did every time Marlene was missing her brothers, she was the youngest of four children and all older brothers. They didn’t know if it would work but after only one minute Marlene had sat up from her bed wiping the tears from her eyes letting out giggles. So when the anniversary of her brother’s death came she would lock herself in her dorm and James would go up and talk to her about everything and anything.
He went through the front door and in the corner of his eye he saw it.
He turned to living room and there they were. All led in a line next to each other her mother, father, both brothers, and then Marlene. He blonde curly hair sprawled out on the floor with dried tear stains on her cheeks as she looked to her family. If he didn’t know what was going on her would be thought they were sleeping, they all looked peaceful enough to be. But when he looked at Marlene he could see the fear in her eyes, the realisation of what was happening and there was nothing she could do. He couldn’t find her wand or anyone’s, the death eaters probably took them after murdering them.
He didn’t know when he led down next to Marlene, tears in his eyes and holding her hand but he was. Led there looking up at ceiling thinking of all the times he, Marlene, Sirius, and Mary would sit in the astronomy towers looking at the stars whilst Mary bragged about Regulus and Sirius with his latest stupid argument with Moony. He cherished those moments. When his friends were all happy and nothing to worry about. He missed Hogwarts and the pure happiness in his friends smile and laughter. The war changed them, it changed everything.
He never thought he would ever lose Marlene. She was vicious and brave casting curses left, right, and centre when fighting off death eaters, she was the person James knew would survive this war, or so he thought.
Moody had come to move the bodies but James didn’t move. His body wouldn’t allow it, he just led there staring at the ceiling waiting to wake up from his nightmare.
It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Marlene couldn’t be dead she just couldn’t. she had so much ahead of her. She had Dorcas and she wouldn’t leave Dorcas not ever. So it just simply could not be real.
He heard someone come lie down next to him but he didn’t look. He carried on staring at the ceiling whilst the body next to him took his hand and squeezed it.
“I was supposed to come list night for dinner, to meet her family,” James looked over at Dorcas who just had a sad smile on her face as she looked at him “but I got too scared and didn’t come. I hate myself for it now because if I had been here at least I wouldn’t have to live without her. I don’t think I can.”
“Neither do I. we can get through together no matter how long it takes,” James knew he would have to be strong. Everyone always expects him to be. Plus, he has Lily and Harry to care for now and he can’t let them down, not now, “you can always come round to see me and Lily and Harry love you so much anyways, you shouldn’t be alone.”
But that day was the last he saw of Dorcas before she went to hunt down the people who killed the love of her life. He couldn’t blame her, he wanted to as well but he couldn’t.
He somehow managed to get his way home and Sirius had to fill Lily on everything that happened. He didn’t want to be selfish and mourn by himself, Sirius and lily both lost someone they deeply loved as well. Sirius and Marlene confined in each other when they figured out their sexualities and Lily would throw a hex at anyone who had something to say about Marlene’s relationship with Dorcas. He could hear Lily’s sobs and Sirius comforting but he just couldn’t move. He wanted to, god did he want to. He wanted to go comfort Lily, promise they would be okay, but his body wouldn’t move.
He curled in his bed letting the sobs escape him. He wanted revenge.
No, he needed revenge.
Because if someone could kill Marlene McKinnon. The girl who could make anyone smile just with hers. The girl who had a laugh louder than anyone. The girl who fought to her death to protect everyone else in the wizarding world. Well if someone could kill that then they deserved everything coming to them.
He wanted to do it himself. Find the rat who killed her and look in their cowardly face before he killed them himself. He didn’t want it to be quick, he wanted them to hurt like how he was hurting now. He could feel the pain in his chest and numbness everywhere else in his body.
Harry was crying. He wanted to get up, soothe his son, remind him that everything’s fine and that James will teach him everything he knows. But James doesn’t know everything.
He thought he did, but now here he is lying in bed unable to move whilst his best friend since the age of 5 is dead. If James Potter knew everything then this wouldn’t be happening. He would have been able to protect Marlene and save her, like he has been doing his entire life.
He protected when they were 6 when she fell off her broom but he flew down and caught her.
He protected her when they were 12 when Avery tried hexing in the corridor after she accidently walked into him.
He protected her when they were 15 when they had to do boggarts in DADA and he knew she wouldn’t be able to see her boggart without breaking down, so he took his turn again.
He protected her when they were 18 when Marlene and Dorcas were getting hate from the Slytherins for their relationship.
He protected her when they were 20 fighting against the death eaters when she let her shield down, jumping in front of her when a curse came her way and taking it himself.
He couldn’t protect her when her family was being murdered right before her eyes and the guilt ate him up. Without Marlene here to drag him out of it he just had to let it consume him.
Lily was here now; Harry must be asleep. She crawled into bed next to him stroking her hand through him hair saying reassuring comments. He couldn’t hear her with the blood rushing around in his ears. Led their sobbing there was nothing he could do. He didn’t know how much time had passed, he didn’t care anyways he just wanted Marlene back. To laugh with her, watch her cuddle Harry trying to get him to say her name. He needed her back.
Lily tried getting him to drink some water, to at something, to do anything really, he could see the worry in her eyes and he hated it. He hated that he was the reason behind those bright green eyes that he loved so much but no matter how hard he tried he could not move. He remembers Mary coming at one point to snap him out of it, that he wasn’t the only one who had lost someone, but he was the only one who felt responsible.
It was his job to be there for his friends. Like he was there for Remus after the prank. There for Sirius after his family abused him. There for Lily after Snape had fallen out with her for the final time. There for Mary after Regulus got the dark mark. There for Peter when Sirius had lashed out on him for Merlin knows what. There for Dorcas after she came out and everyone looked at her funny. But he wasn’t there when Marlene was murdered.
He hated himself for it. He hated that he failed her. That he wasn’t there for her to hold her hand and comfort her like she does for him. Did for him.
Two days had passed and he hadn’t left the bed, Lily brought up food and water but he could only nibble at it, and he only did so Lily wouldn’t worry about him. She brought Harry up to cheer him up and hopefully get him to sit up and move but the guilt in the back of his mind kept reminding him he wasn’t deserving of being happy even for a second.
The nightmares were the worst of it all. They would star with Marlene calling out for James and him running towards her in a house he didn’t recognise. He would run and run until he found the source of the voice but when he got there she was there lying on the floor dead whilst a masked figure that seemed familiar loomed over her laughing and laughing at James. He would wake up in a cold sweat with lily comforting him telling him he will be okay. But he knew he wouldn’t.
After a week he managed to get out of bed, it was her funeral. He walked hand in hand with Lily was Sirius carried Harry and Remus close by. They asked him to make a speech but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, he knew he would mess it up and breakdown in front of everyone and he couldn’t handle it again after it happened at his parent’s funeral. He looked around for Dorcas but he couldn’t find her, he didn’t really blame her for not coming it was too much. It was the final goodbye.
The next day he woke up and Lily told him Dorcas was dead. ‘At least she’s with Marlene now’ he thought. He wishes he could be. But he was getting better now, helping Lily with Harry and cooking meals for the three of them. He still wanted revenge for Marlene and wanting her killer dead but he had to be there for Lily and Harry and running out on a rampage wouldn’t benefit anyone, especially after what happened with Dorcas. But the thought of Marlene and Dorcas being happy together again was enough for James to let his best friend rest.
Peter had come round after a while just breaking down in James’s arm. He never said why but James knew he was struggling with Marlene’s death just like he was but he didn’t have someone like Lily to keep him from breaking which is why James stepped up to do it. James and Peter had been friends since birth but when Marlene came along it was like a gap had been filled in their friendship. She was energetic like James but also calm like Peter, she was the perfect balance between them.
It had been a month now and James, Lily and Happy were locked in tight at Godrics Hollow after a prophecy was brought to light that Voldemort wants Harry. James was determined to protect Lily and Harry like he should’ve done with Marlene and that’s what they did. Making Peter the secret keeper knowing no one would suspect him and keeping their heads low and caring for Harry.
James took this time away from the war to reminisce about the happy memories he had with Marlene and how happy she was. She had lived a great life he thought. She had friends she cared and loved for deeply, she had a relationship that everyone wanted and she had a family that would do absolutely anything for her.
But then James knew who had betrayed and killed Marlene.
Because it was the same person who had betrayed and killed him.
When he realised someone was at the door he just thought it was Sirius coming to see them in their Halloween costumes. But he was wrong.
He shouted warning Lily hoping she would make it before facing the killing curse himself.
It was quick and painless and the last thought he had was how could Peter betray his best friends like it was nothing.
But James was reunited with Marlene. With her smile and laughter and that’s all he ever wanted.
He was happy..