Chapter Text
Mach didn’t know how she got back here.
Here in this damp, cold room. The metal pressing against the front of her body as she laid on her stomach, placed on some sort of metal platform. She shivered, wearing nothing but a gown that had a hole in the back. Her skin felt bare, like it had felt oh so long ago. The memories were stuck in her brain, no matter how much she tried to screw them out. The memories of being here. Being in this room.
Her head hurt.
She was frozen, eyes wide and panicked as she stared at the metal plating in front of her. Her hands were bound to the platform, metal cuffs that felt too tight to not be cutting through her skin wrapping around her wrists. Her legs were dealing with the same thing, cuffs around the ankles that stuck her to the metal table below her. The options of pulling her limbs out would only lead to them battered and bloodied.
Even so, she would gladly take that option if it meant getting out of this hell.
Still, she couldn’t move. She didn’t even know if she could struggle, knowing that there would be consequences if she tried. Her breathing fell short, as she found it hard to breathe when her chest was still pressed against the platform. She felt dizzy, unfocused, hearing boots walk around the floor behind her. Multiple pairs, just as she remembered it. Pairs of boots that belonged to the people she would soon come to despise. Her brain screamed at her as she still struggled, knowing there was no way out of here, knowing that this was going to have to be done. Knowing that this is how the timeline went. This is how the story goes, and it’s what was fated to happen to her.
The talking behind her meant nothing, Mach could hear her name tossed around a couple of times, but she paid no mind. She needed to get out. She needed to leave, she needed to run . She couldn’t stay here, she couldn’t let this happen to her again, she couldn’t just lay here as her body was modified and changed.
Her body stopped listening to her. It knew the story too, it knew how it went. It knew that it was about to be torn into. Changed,
enhanced
as the people called it. A blessing, almost, that she would be able to gain such power from what would happen to her. She knew it wasn’t a blessing though, in fact, the real version was far from it. She’d heard about it from Lora, her sister who wasn’t with her anymore. Lora had known that under no circumstances was she supposed to inform her sister about what the “enchancements” really were, but she had chosen to talk about them anyways. Talk about them with her sister, tell her what was really going on. Lora was always so nice, kind, caring, knowing what to do even with her two siblings who would argue again and again.
Mach didn’t want to think about her right now.
She didn’t want to relive this, relive the feeling of weird metal placements being put in and on her body. Her body, feeling as if it were being modified, changed in a way that she didn’t want. As if it weren’t listening to her requests for it to not happen, as if her pleas meant nothing.
Her breaths became more panicked.
This couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening again. Her eyes fixated on the tray next to her, filled with sharp objects that were similar to a surgeon’s tools. However, she knew what she would be getting would be much worse than that. She had to get out but her body wasn’t listening . It had entered fight or flight mode but it had just frozen. It was scared, just as she was. She hadn’t remembered being this scared in a very long time, and now that the feeling was back she didn’t feel like reliving it. She couldn’t sit here though, she couldn’t sit here and feel it again for the second time.
She could hear the steps getting closer, and a gloved hand reached for the utensils on the tray next to her. Someone told her to relax, and told her that it would be fine. They were telling her that it would be okay, it’d only hurt a bit, and she’d be oh so powerful when it was all done and over. She could hear the voice try and comfort her, hear it in her head as it tried to convince her she’d be fine. She knew half of that wouldn’t be true. Why they kept her awake for this, she’d never know. Maybe it had been too dangerous to keep her asleep.
Her mind was racing, as if it were trying to focus on anything else but the fact that one of the tools was now gone. Not again, not again , not again . She couldn’t do this again. She didn’t want to relive this. Why was she reliving this again, what did she do to deserve it? Tears started to well up in her eyes, and it made her vision blurry and hard to see. Nothing had even happened yet. Why wouldn’t her body just listen to her??
Then she felt the cold metal blade touch her already freezing back.
Before an incision was even made, she screamed.
She screamed and yelled, shouting and struggling against the binds so hard that they began to scrape against her skin. She didn’t care. Anything was better than this. When she had first lived through this, she’d been stupid enough to believe that it would be alright. Believe that she would be fine, believe her grandfather and her parents when they told her this was for her own good. That this would make her happy, that she wouldn’t regret it. It’d helped with her staying calm in the first procedure at least, as back then she thought everything would be okay.
The worst parts of her life would happen because of these same damn enhancements. She couldn’t let it happen again, she wouldn’t . Her mind raced, her breathing quickened, and she tried to pull her arms and legs out of their restraints. She was still strong, if she could just get out then maybe, just maybe she could-
One of her arms seemed to break free. It was red and bloodied and bruised but it was free . Before anything else could happen, she quickly yanked her other arm out of its own restraint. It hurt, but she didn’t care . She needed to get her legs out somehow. It didn’t take long for her to forcibly pull her legs free of their own metal restraints, trying to act quickly. Her mind was racing, dizzy, but she was still trying to focus. She could see this happening, this had to be happening, she was escaping. She wouldn’t let them get the drop on her, not this time, not ever again. She couldn’t. She couldn’t let this happen again. She looked around, quickly finding her grandfather suddenly being behind her. The scalpel wasn’t in his hand, but instead in the hand of one of her parents who were both off to the side, not interfering. She hurt, her body hurt so badly but her eyes almost glowed red as she stared up at the man in front of her.
Him.
He looked the same way he had always looked to her, an evil narcissict leader who proclaimed to be the best ruler the empire had ever seen. Even now he seemed to be taunting her, grinning at her, even as he was backed up against the wall, looking down at her. She didn’t care how tall he was, she didn’t care . As long as she was able to leave this place behind, right? But she couldn’t leave him though, not here, not when there were so many things she still despised about him. Not when he would still continue his rule, conquering galaxy after galaxy. It made her feel like a coward to even think about that.
If she could just be taller . As tall as him, maybe even as strong as him. Maybe even taller. She could see it, she could feel it. She could imagine herself being the same height as him so that way she could finally face him. Finally look him in the eye and tell him how much she absolutely hated him. She could imagine herself wrapping her hands around his neck, him being too weak to fight back, too much of a weak ruler to even think about going against her. She could feel herself holding him up against the wall, choking him, her grip getting tighter and tighter as she could feel his breath leaving his body.
“Mach-” The name was cut off, but Mach persisted. She didn’t care what he had to say, she didn’t give a single shit about what he had to say to her now. Even so, what he had to say probably wasn’t something he’d already said before. She didn’t want to hear it.
But something stuck in the back of her mind, something yelling at her that something was wrong, even as she held her choking grandfather in her hands. This was perfect, nothing could be wrong, she was all she’d ever wanted to do to him before the fall of the empire. This is all she’d wanted to do when the enhancements were getting added.
Her mind suddenly stopped. She realized what was wrong.
Her grandfather never called her “Mach” since that was the family name, especially not now. If he was addressing her, he’d always call her-
Suddenly, the world shifted.
Suddenly, the room was cold, but not the same cold metal room she’d been in before.
Suddenly, the metal tray and her parents disappeared, leaving her in a place that took her only a second to realize because of what was in front of her.
Suddenly, she wasn’t holding her grandfather up in front of her anymore, pressed against the wall, choking for air.
Suddenly
, a familiar, smaller caterpillar was instead in the place of him, grasping at Mach’s hands, trying to tug them off of their neck.
The reaction was instant. Mach immediately let go of Pilby, letting them fall to the ground and gasp for air, holding themself up barely with their arms. They coughed, their breathing was quick and their body was trembling violently. It all pieced together, the reason as to why she was suddenly here, in the real world. She’d offered to sleep on the couch, or at least lay down there… as it was difficult for her to sleep, due to having nightmares and random memories flashing through her head. She’d thought that maybe, just maybe, if she was somewhere near Pilby, maybe it would stop. Maybe their presence would be enough to comfort her.
It seems it only made things worse.
The longer Pilby seemed to gasp for air, the more Mach wanted to reach down and see if they were alright. She looked down at her outreached hand, it was trembling almost as much as Pilby’s whole body was. There were tears running down her face still, but she ignored them. She reached towards Pilby, trying to see if she could help, apologize, or do anything . But her brain shut down when Pilby flinched away from her, acting as if she were going to hurt them. Acting as if they were scared of her. It made her immediately freeze up.
Pilby had been here for a long time now, they couldn’t… it hadn’t been that bad… right?
Mach’s hand was trembling, and it was starting to affect her whole body. She didn’t move, not even seeming to breathe. Pilby noticed this.
“W-wait, Mach- I didn’t mean to-” Pilby moved forward, voice sounding hoarse, trying to stand but Mach stepped away. This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t be. It was just like something else, it was just like another memory that couldn’t seem to make its way out of her mind . It was like when she’d… she hadn’t meant to. She’d been forced to, she hadn’t meant to, she hadn’t meant to hurt anyone, it wasn't her fault. But it’d happened again, it had happened again and she’d hurt someone close to her. Now the only person who was ever closest to being a friend in her life was scared of her and it was all her fault, she’d messed up. What if she hadn’t come to her senses in time? What if she hadn’t noticed the screw up in the names?
What if instead of staring Pilby in the eye, she was looking at a different scene instead.
What if what if what if-
Another step back. She wasn’t focusing on what Pilby had to say, she wasn’t listening, she needed to leave . She needed to leave now, she couldn’t stay here. Her mind was fuzzy, her head hurt and she felt dizzy as her mind blocked out any of what Pilby was saying. They tried reaching out for her, but she turned, and ran. A cowardly move, a weak move , but she didn’t care. She ran to the door, she needed to get out but for a different reason this time. She didn’t even notice the hammer she left behind as she opened the door, and left.
The loud slam was the only thing heard after that, almost echoing through the staffroom.