Archive of Our Own ^beta

With his thoughts still sluggish and clinging to dreams of shared warmth and soft laughter, Lan Wangji blindly reached out, intent to halve his misery at this ungodly hour by sharing it- only to find nothing but cold sheets. His heart missed a single beat before it sped up as the upsetting reality caught up to him.

Of course, his bed was empty- Wanyin had left, after all. Had scoped up the single bag that he had kept at Lan Wangji’s place and, for all intents and purposes, proceeded to vanish from the face of the earth.

Allegedly, even Wei Ying didn’t know where his headstrong brother went or the reasons why he’d left in the first place.

And why should Wanyin have told him? He had never owned up to being with Lan Wangji in the first place- to anyone- and had kept him at a distance as much as he could get away with. And the worst was that Lan Wangji had let him, despite it clawing at his sanity more and more with every passing day. He had eaten it all up, had truly believed the younger man’s act of being shy and insecure with the depth of emotion Lan Wangji expected to have in a relationship.

Old hurt gnawed at him, and Lan Wangji let the ever-present anger simmering in his chest flare to life. Despite it having been weeks since their fight- and Xichen-ge telling him he should finally move on more than once already- Lan Wangji kept feeding his anger with single-minded focus, fearing what would happen if he eventually allowed it to burn out. He’d have to face the reality of his failed relationship with the man he had been convinced would be The One for him, and Lan Wangji wasn’t sure he would come out on top of that particular breakdown just waiting to happen.

Another blast of upbeat music, louder this time, forced his thoughts back to the present. Taking up his phone with a sigh, he checked the caller ID and pinched the bridge of his nose with a heartfelt groan as he saw Unknown Number, which really could only mean one thing.

“Wei Ying, I swear to God, if you’re out camping in a dumpster again, I’ll....”

“I hate you,” a too-familiar voice slurred, and suddenly, he was much more awake as the rest of his rant died a swift death on his tongue.

A heavy silence hung between them as Jiang Cheng bit back whatever else he’d wanted to add, panting harshly into the phone in a way that betrayed the sobs stuck in his chest and the tears ready to fall.

Lan Wangji had rarely heard Wanyin being as emotional as he seemed to be right now, and never did he see his ex in moments like this. The younger boy had a bad habit of drawing back into himself when something crawled up his ass and keeping his outbursts to the late-night calls he was prone to do after he’d finally processed whatever it was that had upset him.

The lack of trust it implied was one of the things that had driven Lan Wangji to the brink of madness while they still had been together. Looking back, it almost felt planned how Wanyin had tried to rip him apart by keeping him at arm’s length and not allowing Lan Wangji the chance to see the fire in his eyes when they fought. Not allowing him to drink down the tears that Lan Wangji had earned by clawing himself into Jiang Cheng’s heart and thoughts in his struggle to drive the younger man just as crazy with desire and love so he wouldn’t be just an Lan in name when Lan Wangji eventually would have found the right moment to kneel down and claim Wanyin as his for good.

But that had been before. Before Jiang Cheng had left, and not without throwing Lan Wangji’s devotion right back into his face in the worst possible way.

Your love isn’t like anything that you think it is,
It’s not a gift, it’s a burden and I’m sick of it.

Even now, weeks later, the memory of their final fall-out that had led to Jiang Cheng simply vanishing from Lan Wangji’s life without a trace and nothing to hold on to- merely sending the occasional text to Wei Ying to indicate his continued survival and avoid getting a search party set on his heels- his blood was still boiling from the sheer audacity, fury burning away any sadness and wild heartbeat a war drum in his ears.

Lan Wangji was more than aware that his family had a known problem of being possessive and obsessive in their love- he himself even more than most. He knew his love wasn’t easy to bear, but when he eventually got to know Jiang Wanyin after the boy had been nothing more than his best friend’s little brother for years- annoyingly dogging Wei Ying’s every step since the day he learned to walk- there had been a spark of something passing between them that had made Lan Wangji pause.

I had caused him to really look at Jiang Cheng, and he’d seen a man capable of devotion without limits or reason. Just like that, Lan Wangji had known with certainty that they were inevitable. That, at long last, he had found someone able to withstand the fire of his passion, a safe harbor to come home to- a sea of calm resolve to submerge himself into when his temper was about to bring out the worst in him.

Only their reality had never shaped up to Lan Wangji’s dreams of an epic romance at the brink of insanity. And now, finally, he had the opportunity to voice his grievance after being left speechless when Wanyin all but spat into his face and ran.

“Bold of you to take the high horse. You have been the one to hide me like a dirty secret, told lies about me, about us, while you were not willing to stand by my side.”

There was a sharp inhale that ended in a desperately broken sound that might have been a crazed cackle or a sob breaking through Jiang Cheng’s composure, but it was impossible to tell. Especially since Lan Wangji got distracted by a sound not coming through the phone but from outside the ajar door of his bedroom. Robbers weren’t common around his area, but luckily, Lan Wangji was just in the right mood to break someone’s neck in the name of self-defence. He’d gladly sneak through his own dark flat to catch them by surprise in the hallway. It wouldn’t be too difficult to follow the noises they made.

“You’ve been the secret? Please. My brother still thinks you can barely stand me- because you never told him about us. You were too busy cosying up to him as you made do with me, just waiting for the opportunity to bed the Jiang brother you actually wanted. You reeled me in and kept me close with a sense of ‘maybe’ when you really meant ‘no’, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be done, wanted to leave so you could take someone else for your games until Wei Ying would be free for you, but I- I-”

Lan Wangji softly rested his forehead against the oak wood of his front door, quietly listening to the broken sobs from his phone being echoed outside his flat. He was overwhelmed by the honest emotion cracking Wanyin’s usually calm voice and the frankly ridiculous things he’d just heard. True, Wei Ying and Lan Wangji had been subjected to good-natured ribbing and absurd bets about when- never if- they would take their bromance a step further to a full-blown romance, but Lan Wangji had not been aware the vague shit-talk haunting their adolescence had stubbornly followed them into adulthood.

Feeling numb, Lan Wangji cancelled the call. He ignored the hitching breath behind his door as his fingers moved through speed dial by muscle memory and opened the door at the same time. Just as he’d tentatively hoped, it revealed Jiang Cheng- sitting on the floor in front of Lan Wangji’s flat with his phone dropped into his lap and face buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking while he didn’t make a single sound.

Lan Wangji couldn’t help himself and drank in the sight of his love after all this time while he still went unnoticed, realizing quickly that the lean frame was narrower than it used to be and the clothes too thin for the cold climate outside. Jiang Cheng had always been shit at taking care of himself, his brilliant mind always too busy dissolving impossibilities rather than concerning himself with the reality in front of his eyes.

Like the reality that Lan Wangji had- not even once in his life- wanted someone the desperate way he wanted Jiang Cheng.

With this thought in mind, Lan Wangji turned his phone on speaker. He didn’t blink when the dial tone disturbed the quiet and startled Jiang Cheng into snapping his head up, revealing his messy face. Instead, Lan Wangji took in the sight greedily. He had been right, Jiang Cheng was even prettier when he cried, bitten lips and red eyes shining with tears as his usually tan skin was flushed in blotches. It was a sight Lan Wangji would take for himself- Wanyin’s tears were his, every emotion the stern man felt and would feel was Lan Wangji’s treasure, and he’d hoard them like an ill-tempered dragon.

“Hello? Lan Zhan? Everything alright?”

Jiang Cheng’s mouth fell open at hearing his brother’s voice, a vulnerability flying over his face that Lan Wangji had never realized had been felt in the first place. The expression was gone as fast as it came, Jiang Cheng’s face closing off with a hurt twist to his lips, but Lan Wangji was having none of it. He would not allow Wanyin to hide himself as he did before, would never again look away in an attempt to make the private man feel more comfortable.

Jiang Cheng thought he was just a stand-in for his brother? He would learn that there was nothing and no one capturing Lan Wangji’s attention like himself, and he would learn to live with the consequences of having doubted Lan Wangji’s intentions. There would be no room for doubt ever again.

“If I ever try to come onto you, please admit me to an asylum,” Lan Wangji deadpanned into the phone, ignoring the answering splutter.

“Lan Zhan, are you drunk?”

“Shut up. Your brother is back, by the way. And he is mine as I am his. Don’t come by for the next 24 hours, or I’ll kick you out of my window.”

“What? Lan Zhan? What do you mea...”

Lan Wangji disconnected the call without a second thought, eyes set on Wanyin’s shocked face and enjoying his speechlessness, the parted lips and eyes that were entirely unguarded for once. It was almost too raw to witness, but Lan Wangji didn’t avert his eyes. His love had vanished into thin air once, had taken Lan Wangji’s attempt to give him space as permission to leave, and never again would he make the same mistake.

“I have no idea where you got your ideas from, but I wouldn’t touch Wei Ying with a long pole even if he paid me. I did not tell him because I thought you wanted to tell him yourself. You were never a ‘maybe’ and wouldn’t ever be a ‘no’. My love is exactly what I think it is. It is all-consuming, burning everything it touches until it either turns to ash or comes out stronger. And all I ever wanted was for you to say yes. Yes to me when I’d eventually ask you to take my name, to join me in the madness that is a Lan’s love.”

Jiang Cheng sucked in a breath, for once showing a deep hunger in his eyes that he used to hold close to his chest, only ever showing banked heat and nothing more. It made the fire in Lan Wangji’s soul burn brightly. He had been right: Jiang Cheng was his and would always be-they were inevitable, after all.