Chapter Text
When He Xuan blinks, he suddenly realizes that, upon opening his eyes back up, everything he sees is white light. The next thing he hears is a rumble that starts out like cracking through the air a few miles away, but it soon grows into an earsplitting noise to the point that he wants to cover his ears, so he reaches up towards his head and does just that.
Even once he’s pressing his hands against them very tightly, the noise doesn’t stop.
Until, suddenly, it’s deafeningly quiet, making way for only the aftermath of it left behind, ringing ears and his eyes darting left and right, seeing nothing but that bright light still.
He’s never been good with loud sounds.
At least not since shortly before his death. He’s not sure he’ll ever forget the screams and sounds of blood splattering and-
(There’s no need to think about it anymore. He’s dead. He’s had his revenge, too. It was all years ago. He killed everyone he needed to.)
(Well, except for one.)
“Huh?”
That voice makes He Xuan’s head shoot up, not having realized that he had let it sink a little bit when memories started to overwhelm him, and then he realizes that oh god he knows that voice.
Several realizations hit him all at the same time. What that light was, what that sound was – and what that loud sound of something shattering is, namely, some kind of Heavenly Palace falling apart as he’s looking around hastily – just who this damned voice belongs to, and-
Someone drops a scroll.
He Xuan looks at the two men standing in front of him. One of them he would recognize anywhere he goes; Hua Cheng didn’t make him look for Xie Lian for ages to clear off his debt and show him all his freak statues for He Xuan to forget what Xie Lian looks like just because he hasn’t seen him in a few years. The other one drops not just a scroll like Xie Lian did, no, he drops a whole box of weird trinkets and weapons he was holding that all scatter across the floor the next second.
None of them say anything. Neither He Xuan, nor Xie Lian, nor Pei Ming in all his glory, rocking a white outfit now and wearing much larger shoulder plates and oh God, He Xuan hasn’t been keeping up with the world, is Pei Ming the new Heavenly Emperor now?
There are some gasps from the crowd that’s slowly forming around them, some mentioning his former title that wasn’t ever really his, a name that they weren’t the only ones to call, that he heard so often from someone with a kind smile and kind eyes and slightly crooked teeth and a blush on their cheeks and-
“…Are you…?” Xie Lian is the first to ask, coughing a little, clearly the most prepared to deal with a situation that requires some kind of emergency management while everyone is left to stare at He Xuan like he’s some kind of miracle.
Which, honestly, he feels like that might just be the case.
There’s only one explanation at hand for this situation. He just ascended. He Xuan just ascended, even though he’s a ghost, and the entire reason he lost his family was because he couldn’t ascend, because his fate was taken from him, and his rightful spot in the heavens got taken by them.
And now he’s standing right here.
Right now.
Honestly, he’s just as confused as the rest of them. The crowd grows bigger and bigger, but Xie Lian quickly steps forward, giving a short, concerned look at Pei Ming, too, before fully facing He Xuan.
“Black Water Sinking Ships,” he addresses him with his title, “…congratulations on ascending?”
He raises his fingers to his temple, and He Xuan knows that Xie Lian is communicating with Hua Cheng right now, and frankly, he’d be doing the same if Hua Cheng could multitask to that extent.
For a bit, he opens his mouth to say something, but he’s still frankly too baffled. No, he’s definitely ascended – he’s been in the heavens for long enough to see ascensions. He’s seen ones smaller than his own, and ones bigger than his own, for example Xie Lian’s, and he knows exactly what happens, the light, the sound, everything.
He’s ascended.
“Did you get ahold of your husband?” is the first thing Pei Ming asks, not directed at He Xuan, although with a worried glance at him, but Xie Lian just quietly nods.
“I let him know.”
“How is this even- how is this even possible, I thought he’s-“
“Dead?” He Xuan scoffs, finally able to say something, although his voice sounds weirdly shaky, and all these old feelings of hate for Pei Ming bubble right back up. The way he supported Shi Wudu throughout everything, helping him to find someone who matched their fate, to help them ascend. Keeping the truth not just from the rest of heavens, but also from them. Right up until the end, they were on Shi Wudu’s side.
“I know I’m dead,” he snaps, “I’m just as surprised as you are, trust me. You think I knew this was possible? While being dead? With a fate that isn’t meant to make me ascend?”
Pei Ming looks a bit taken aback at his sudden fit of rage, as if still unable to reconcile ‘Ming Yi’ and ‘Black Water Sinking Ships’, another unsure glance given at Xie Lian, who now shakes his head slowly.
“No. It’s absolutely possible. No matter your fate. No matter whether you’re dead or not. You’re not- you’re not the first.“
“He’s not- what?”
“We’re taking this to a more private space,” Xie Lian sighs with a look at everyone around. “Follow me.”
*
He Xuan only followed because he needs Xie Lian to reconfirm his own words. He needs someone to tell him whether he has actually ascended or not. Whether this was some kind of mistake – but he feels himself starting to brim with spiritual energy that doesn’t feel like his own, Of course it’s his own, but it’s not the one he’s used to.
This one brims with life.
And yet, his heart doesn’t magically start beating again.
“Okay, we can talk here,” Xie Lian says, closing the door to his palace behind him, and, with a flick of his hand, putting a silence spell on it.
Pei Ming looks more composed now, too, although still glancing at He Xuan every few seconds as if he can’t believe what happened. Well, he’s not alone.
“He Xuan- can I call you that?”
“Yeah.”
He’s not in the right mind right now to argue over titles and names, so he’s going to let Xie Lian do whatever the hell he wants.
“You’re not the first ghost to ascend. So did- so did Hua Cheng.”
For a bit, it’s completely quiet – then, however, Pei Ming is already letting out a tirade of very annoyed sounds, almost like he isn’t even surprised anymore at this point, but more like everything is a bother.
He Xuan himself doesn’t know how to react.
He’s been meant to ascend all this time, and now that he has… it feels strangely bad? Like the place didn’t get stolen from him, but like he stole the place from someone. Which he’s done before. But this…
He’s ascended with Shi Qingxuan’s fate.
Despite it all.
All he can do is look up at Xie Lian, and he seems to be able to read his thoughts well enough.
“Hua Cheng ascended with a fate that got him… that got him killed before he even turned eighteen. The one who read his fate was my Guoshi. There was no way he would’ve been wrong about his fate. Not just Hua Cheng. Me, and- him, too.”
Xie Lian doesn’t have to say Jun Wu’s name for He Xuan to know that’s who he means. Right. If one does deeds great enough, as long as one has enough believers, fate doesn’t matter; as long as everything is right, even death doesn’t seem to disturb the process.
“This can’t be,” Pei Ming blurts out eventually, “this is- this is a calamity. Hua Cheng ascended before he became one, right? Didn’t he- didn’t he do too many bad things to ascend?”
“Didn’t you and him do too many bad things to earn your place in heaven again and again?” He Xuan responds, that anger bubbling up inside of him more than before. The fact that Pei Ming so much as dares to question this when he’s one of the most corrupt Gods of heaven, when his countless affairs led to so many stupid female ghosts wreaking havoc, when he supported the destruction of his whole damned life.
With a very polite smile on his face, all Xie Lian says is: “Didn’t all of us make grave mistakes at one point or another? The point isn’t the past, but the present. And in the present, you’ve ascended, He Xuan, and that is something to be congratulated on, no matter what. You’re not the first who has before made quite a scene in the heavens, I promise you. I’d argue that, in the long run, you’re in… the ranks of the more… minor incidents.”
Even now, he doesn’t know what to say. He ascended. After all this time, after all these years.
“But why did he ascend now?” Pei Ming asks, looking at both Xie Lian and then at He Xuan, his face eventually softening a bit as if he’s coming to terms with the fact that He Xuan is right here in this place right now.
“Did you do anything out of the ordinary, He Xuan? That might also give us a clue as to what kind of God you are. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you used to be a scholar when you were still alive, right?”
God, ugh, He Xuan can see why Hua Cheng likes this guy so much, even if He Xuan personally wouldn’t ever stalk him for over eight-hundred years, but yeah – he’s kind, and willing to forgive despite it all. Despite He Xuan ruining the life of one of his friend’s utterly and completely and only then does it all start to hurt.
He ascended with Shi Qingxuan’s fate.
Shi Qingxuan could have ascended, in a natural way.
No one had to die. Neither Shi Wudu, nor He Xuan, nor his family, nor would he have had to destroy her. Everything to do with her. None of it would have had to happen, and maybe they could have been-
Could have been what?
Friends?
Lovers?
God, it’s time he stops being ridiculous. What’s happened, happened. And that’s precisely what’s making this situation so insufferable.
“Yes. I was a scholar. I passed the imperial exams with full grades. But- all that happened before I ascended was that I saved some fishermen. It was nothing out of the ordinary. I won’t just let them die.”
“Sometimes, a lot of small, good actions can pile up,” Xie Lian says, now a proper smile on his face as he finally sits down on the floor in front of a table, Pei Ming following his motions, and He Xuan eventually, too. “I mean, I collected scraps for eight-hundred years, and only then did I become the Scrap God!”
And he doesn’t even realize how pitiful he sounds saying that.
“You did always have some people praying to you, correct? Especially because you were saving them? And then, you would also have to add the ones that are still believing in the Earth Master even now, since his prayers did go towards you. And- actually, at the Mid-Autumn Banquet, there were still quite a few lanterns directed towards you.”
Humans. So undeterred in their faith that it’s ridiculous sometimes. Not like he was any different, strongly believing in not just himself, but also in-
He doesn’t dare to finish that thought.
He doesn’t dare remember all the times he found himself quietly praying to her, still, wondering whether anything would reach her. He doesn’t dare remember all the times he was lying in his stupid mansion remembering that stupid day and their stupid face and their stupid meek little ‘I want to die’ as if he was ever going to allow that.
“Right, now that you say it,” Pei Ming says, nodding, mustering He Xuan up and down once more. “If I had to take a guess, I’d suspect that you’re the new Water Master, since we’re still missing that post. We’ve got a new Earth Master as of now, but neither Shi Wudu nor Shi Qingxuan ever got replaced.”
He Xuan gathers some of that spiritual energy inside of him, directing it towards his hand and just feeling it.
He’s a water ghoul.
He knows what water magic feels like.
And even if this one is brimming with life and breath and blood, it’s-
It’s not so different from his own.
He almost laughs.
Except that this situation is just too fucking bitter to laugh at – him, the new Water Master? What damned cruel irony of fate. Taking over the post of the man that took it all from him? He thanks fate that he’s not the new Wind Master at least, but no – this is all too damn laughable.
“I’m not staying,” he says before he can even think about it any more than that. “I’m not staying in this role or position, and I’m dead anyways. I’m as good as immortal in my current state. I have no- I have no use for this. I’m not interested in this in the least. Not anymore.”
And maybe all of these words are said out of pure and utter spite, but can anyone blame him? This is what he’s always wanted all of his life, and now it just falls into his hands? Because he saved a few lives, despite killing so many? Despite destroying hers? He’s just meant to take it, with her fate?
“No!” Xie Lian immediately yelps, then coughs. Clears his voice. Only then does he look back up at He Xuan. “Uh… we’re really short on hands, He Xuan. It’s been only five years since the previous Heavenly Emperor kind of…”
Made a huge battle statue out of the Heavenly Capital and wrecked half my territory with it because Hua Cheng thought his debt would warrant it?
“Anyways, there’s still a lot of people missing. It’s been hard rebuilding, and we have to rebuild on top of actively answering our prayers. So… if you could decide to descend after that, perhaps?”
Pei Ming, in response, laughs. He stares at Xie Lian, then musters He Xuan from top to bottom and sighs.
“Well, I can’t lie. You’re a diligent worker. Let’s let the past be the past, okay?”
He reaches his hand out for He Xuan.
He Xuan doesn’t take it.
“Alright,” he grunts, but only directed at Xie Lian, not at Pei Ming, “under one condition.”
“Oh, everything! You don’t… you don’t have to take on the role of the Water Master if you don’t want to. I understand if you don’t want to. Yushi Huang’s Palace has been trying her best with that, and they are dealing quite well. So, if, for now, you just want to help some Gods in need answer their prayers? Xuan Zhen and Nan Yang are quite… overworked, at the moment, if I dare say so. On top of your own, since you will most probably receive some at least. So- what’s your condition? I’m sure we can meet it!”
The guy is looking all nice, and He Xuan almost doesn’t have it in him to ask. He also almost doesn’t have it in him to address Crimson Rain with that stupid word.
“Your husband. Have him get rid of the rest of my debt.”
For a moment, Xie Lian’s mouth drops open, but then he gives a short nod. When they got married, that was the last time He Xuan saw Shi Qingxuan. It was the last time he heard her laugh. Still the same way. At least at first glance. But he heard insecurity in that laugh, despite it all. He never talked to her that day. He just watched from afar, ate, and left.
Not like she would want to see him anyways.
“I… I bet that can be arranged. If you work for us enough, of course. Does that… sound alright to you? And- General Pei, do you think we could make this work?”
Pei Ming nods, and when Xie Lian reaches his hand out towards He Xuan to shake it, he lets him.
“I’ll add the merits you have received over the Mid-Autumn Banquet ten-fold, alright? To get you a good head start on the debt?” he asks, and that’s when He Xuan realizes what he should ask.
Because even if it’s just a small, dumb thought – even if he thinks that this could never in any way be the case, even if it’s just a tiny spark of hope inside of him.
A disillusion.
Nothing more.
He still needs to know.
He still needs to make sure that’s not it.
Because people have been praying to him for centuries, and he only ascended now, all of a sudden, with no clear reason, and he still received lanterns-
“What temple did the lanterns come from?”
“Hm?”
“What temple sent the lanterns?” He Xuan asks again, feeling his voice grow a little harder, and he tells himself that he’s ought to be nice to Xie Lian because not only did he promise it (Hua Cheng is not his friend, though), but it’d just add onto his debt if he’s rude.
“Oh,” he makes, then rummages around in his sleeves. A few scrolls fall out. He Xuan thought that he’d heard Ling Wen is working again – then why does Xie Lian have all these documents in his sleeves?
Pei Ming reaches to pick up one of them, and laughs.
“Oh, your Highness, I didn’t think that’s-“
“General Pei,” Xie Lian hisses, taking the scroll from him, his face all red suddenly, “keep out of this.”
“No, no, I’m not judging!” Pei Ming smirks, “but you know that I have so much experience you can just ask me? I’m sure your Crimson Rain would be very happy if you-“
Awkwardly, and also just really not wanting to know about Hua Cheng’s and Xie Lian’s bedroom activities, He Xuan clears his throat to draw attention back to himself. Not like he isn’t used to shameless people.
He’s spent decades around Shi Qingxuan.
Xie Lian puts the other scroll back to where it came from, then grabs another one, letting it fall onto the floor in one clumsy motion. He looks and looks, and eventually, seems to find.
“An unnamed temple in the capital, actually? We didn’t pay it much mind, since-“
The rest of the sentence gets lost in the thrumming of his head that feels almost like blood being pumped throughout his entire body, except there’s no more blood inside of him. It drowns out in white noise while He Xuan’s thoughts go absolutely blank.
An unnamed temple.
In the capital.
He doesn’t notice the way his hands form fists, nor the way he swallows thickly, nor does he notice the way that for just a split second, it feels like something akin to a heart starts beating inside of him.
“He Xuan?”
He doesn’t have it in him to answer. All he knows is that he needs to make sure this isn’t what he thinks this is. That he didn’t ascend because of-
An unnamed temple in the capital – it must be newly built. It must have been built just a bit ago or something, and it must surely be quite shabby or badly built, or else the heavens would have long taken notice of it or given it a name. and yet, when his eyes flicker towards that scroll and the number of lanterns, it’s so many.
It’s so many.
Not anything comparable to what he used to get when he was impersonating Ming Yi, but certainly a lot for something as insignificant as a nameless temple somewhere in the imperial capital.
“I’m leaving,” he announces, gritting his teeth.
“What? But- your debt, He Xuan?” Xie Lian is already shouting, trying to reach for him, but Xie Lian is walking so fast that he would only catch up with him by now if he started running himself.
Still, so that he doesn’t get beaten up by Hua Cheng later, he takes a short second to turn around and glare at Xie Lian.
“Not forever. I’m-“
One of his hands comes up to his side and he fists the cloth of his robes in it to keep it from trembling. Even if this isn’t what he thinks it is – even then, he still has to-
He still needs-
He still has to make it up in some way-
“I’m going to get my Middle Court Official.”