Snape x Reader: Reciprocate

(F/n) (L/n) had always hated the competition between the Houses. She was unaffected by simple, friendly rivalry. Certain levels of aggression were needed in every situation that life presented; it was naive to believe otherwise.  But the girl had never been able to excuse those who took their distinctions too far. It might have been the peaceful Hufflepuff in her, or it might have been her loving internal moral code. Whatever the case, (F/n) hated conflict.

Throughout her years at Hogwarts, (F/n) had observed all sorts of confrontations and conflicts. But none she had found, could compare to the bullying that Severus Snape endured. The young Slytherin was a year her senior, and came from a completely different social group. But the girl had found herself drawn to him, as the months passed.

He was quiet and kept to himself most times, but (F/n) had glimpsed moments where something else peaked past his cold surface. It was usually when he was poised over his cauldron in their shared Potions Class, or when he was speaking with Lily Evans (the only Gryffindor he seemed able to stomach).

Severus never broke his reserved countenance, though (F/n) had figured out his tells. His dark eyes would light up for a split second, before his posture would change. He’d sit or stand up straighter. Whether or not he was aware of his brief transformations, remained unclear. But (F/n) always enjoyed watching him in those subtle times of clarity.

As (F/n) began her Second Year and Snape began his third, she came to the realization that she was quite taken with him. So, she began to engage him whenever the opportunity granted her openings. He always seemed surprised or annoyed, when the happy Hufflepuff addressed him. He was not kind to her, nor was he technically rude. . . Which (F/n) came to accept as regular Snape behavior.

Though as she continued to give him attention, the Hufflepuff noticed that he didn’t push her away quite as readily as he used to. By the end of their respective 2^nd and 3^rd years at the school, the two were undeclared friends. They would sometimes walk together, and at times, pair up for class projects. But other than that, there was no sign of a connection.

It was enough for (F/n). She cared about Severus and was fine to watch from the sidelines, giving him support when he needed it. Not that he often accepted such flowery offerings, from her or anyone else. Even when he was mercilessly bullied by the Gryffindors, he never asked for help- though (F/n) tried her best to aid him in such times.

(F/n) grew to loathe the House rivalries, as she watched Snape endure the teasing, hexing, and bullying. The hateful remarks and cruel chants haunted her, vividly replaying in her mind at the strangest times, causing her emotional bouts after hours, in her dorm room, after the world had fallen to slumber. But there was nothing she could do. She was but one girl after all. One girl who cared too much and wore her heart on her sleeve.

As the years passed, (F/n) watched Severus become colder and more distant.  When he left Hogwarts after his 7^th year, (F/n) lost touch with him completely. Which was undoubtedly one of her deeper regrets.

(F/n) walked unhurriedly towards the towering gates of Hogwarts, her footsteps crunching noisily as she drew closer. It had been years since she’d set foot here, and yet the thrill of it all immediately crept back to her heart. As she was admitted through the gate and ushered towards the towering school, it seemed as though she had never truly left. The new school year was about to start, and as such, she had come bright eyed and bushy tailed.

(F/n) sighed softly as she crossed the threshold and entered into the magnificence that was Hogwarts. It’d been around 10 years since she’d last walked the hallowed halls, and the nostalgia that rushed through her veins was enough to make her smile widely.

When she’d seen the notice for a teaching opening for Herbology it’d almost been too good to be true. It was only a temporary appointment- Professor Sprout was taking some extra time off due to illness- but (F/n) had jumped at the opportunity. Hogwarts had been the place where she’d always felt most alive, and it made her giddy to be back. Even if it was only for the first term, the young woman was content.

As the substitute herbology professor made her way to the Headmaster’s office, she basked in the atmosphere. . . Which made her almost crash headlong into someone coming out of the door.

“Oh! Excuse me, dear. I didn’t mean to bump into you.” She offered sincerely, before adding bashfully, “I’m too clumsy for my own good-” She tapered off mid-sentence, as her gaze focused on the person she’d almost crashed into.

Obsidian eyes, a hooked nose, and dark hair. . . The years had changed him into a man, but there was no doubt as to who he was.

“Severus?” (F/n)’s eyes grew comically wide, before a large smile rose to her lips. Though she hadn’t seen him in years, her reaction was genuine. “Severus Snape?”

“Yes,” he drawled in reply, looking at her emotionlessly. “And you are?”

“(F/n), (Full name)” she offered, feeling some disappointment when he didn’t know her. “I was a student around the same time you were. Though I doubt you’d remember me. . . I’m going to be the sub for herbology, until Professor Sprout comes back.”

At her name, (F/n) could have sworn she saw a hint of recognition flash across his stern face, though it didn’t last more than a breath. When he was silent, (F/n) continued somewhat hesitantly.

“Is the Headmaster in?”

Snape nodded, before moving aside for her to pass him. “He is expecting you, or so he led me to believe.”

(F/n) began to walk by him, but slowed down so she could say, “Well, I look forward to working with you, Severus.”

If he felt anything due to her words, he didn’t show it. Instead he lifted an eyebrow before stating firmly, “I will see you at dinner, Professor (L/n).”

Then he turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving (F/n) alone outside of Dumbledore’s chambers.  For a minute, the woman stood in still contemplation, before she forced herself to move forward and knock on the door. As soon as she had rapped on it, the door swung wide to admit her.

(F/n) felt goosebumps rise on her arms, but she forced herself forward. As the door closed securely behind her, the woman inhaled shakily as she was flooded by memories of Severus and her school days.

It seemed that she had feelings for Snape, whether he knew her or not. . .  

In the weeks that followed, (F/n) grew accustomed to the grounds and her schedule. Her classes were lively, fun affairs, that often left her invigorated. She had always loved herbs, and being a right and proper Hufflepuff, she loved sharing her feelings with those around her.

Day after day, the young Professor found a place for herself, and came to love Hogwarts in a new light. As a teacher, the school was different, and she quite enjoyed it. She was no longer forced to study subjects she didn’t enjoy, and the curfews were no longer an obstacle for her. (F/n) took full advantage of it.

Every night, after everyone went to bed, (F/n) would creep to the library to read. She would pour over old texts from the restricted section, and curl up underneath her favorite, fuzzy yellow blanket. For several hours, she would get lost in the world of words and ideas, before she’d tiredly trudge back to her quarters to sleep.

It took (F/n) several nights of doing this, before she realized that she wasn’t alone. She’d found him purely by accident, while she was browsing for something new to read. . . He sat, in the deepest part of the library, reading a potions journal. At first, he didn’t notice her presence, and she was able to watch him, as she had when they were students.

His obsidian eyes had sparked with intrigue, and (F/n) had felt her heart melt. His tells were still the same, even if his exterior had hardened. It was a comforting thought to the Hufflepuff, as she soundlessly found a new tome, and sat several feet away from the Potions Master.

Snape glanced up at her, staring for a long moment, before he dipped his head to her. (F/n) smiled and returned the action, before they both resumed their reading. It was familiar, just sitting together in silence as they enjoyed the vast ocean of knowledge that surrounded them. Neither spoke a word to the other, even as they retired for the night sometime later. There hadn’t been a need. And without intending to, the two made the nightly meeting a habit.

Each night, for a month, (F/n) would stumble into the library with her blanket, find a book, and join Severus. She would sit in a chair near him, tucked under her ridiculous covers, and they’d read until the clock struck 12.

Each time, she sat next to him, (F/n)’s heart would hum and her mind would race. But she always kept it to herself. . . Until tonight.

It was nearing 12 o’clock, and (F/n) had made up her mind. Though she wasn’t a Gryffindor, the woman most certainly wasn’t a coward, and she’d decided earlier that day to speak her mind. . . She only wished she’d had the good sense to drink some liquid luck beforehand.

“Severus?”

From his seat, across from hers, Snape looked up to regard her. “What is it, (F/n)?”

It’d only been earlier that week that he’d started using her first name, and (F/n) couldn’t have been more thrilled. Though he reserved it for times when they were alone.

“. . . I just . . . I’m glad that I found you again. . .” She stopped, fighting down her misgivings as she tried to find the right words.

Snape was staring at her now, his obsidian eyes boring holes into her. It was clear that he didn’t understand her, so she elaborated. She had waited years to say it, so now she held nothing back. He could push her away after the fact. . . but this moment was hers.

“When we were in school together, I always liked you. . . Scratch that. I cared  about you. I saw you as a good friend and I always hoped you’d be happy. . . I lost track of you after you graduated, but I always hoped that you got what you wanted.” She paused to take a shallow breath, though she never looked at Severus. “But when I heard about Lily, I knew you’d be shattered by it. . . and I knew there was nothing I could do. . .”

(F/n) stopped and raised a hand to her temple, fighting to make sense of her rapid-fire thoughts. She’d waited so long to tell him, and yet now she found that the words wouldn’t come.  

“I loved you. . . So, seeing you here, now, doing so well after all that happened. . . I’m glad.”

Finally, she glanced up to look at Snape. His expression gave nothing away, though his eyes regarded her intently, making (F/n) rush to add, “I know you don’t feel that way about me. You never did. . . It was always Lily, and that’s okay. . . I just wanted you to know how I felt. How I feel.”

(F/n) nearly jumped out of her skin, when she felt a firm hand close around her own. His hand was cool compared to hers, though it should have been blazing hot, the way it made her heart slam against her ribcage. She met his dark eyes with surprise, as she saw a calm warmth overtake the Potion Master’s eyes.

“It was Lily,” he agreed, in his low cadence. “But you assume too much.”

(F/n)’s mouth went dry, noticing that his hand still hadn’t moved from hers. “What did I assume?”

His gaze was unrelenting as he said calmly, “That I don’t reciprocate . . . your feelings.”