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It had been a fine week, not great, but things had been worse. I mean, besides Akito being exhausted all the time. The ginger hadn’t been sleeping much the past few weeks and refused to take any breaks. His friends noticed how exhausted he looked, but every time they tried to bring it up, he’d avoid the topic in every way possible. Akito didn’t like being seen as weak, and being tired in his head meant he was weak. So he practiced and worked harder than anyone else; he thought himself talentless.
It wasn't like Akito cared too much about school, so he just took it as an opportunity to catch up on sleep. As the teacher discussed trigonometry, Akito laid his head down on the desk. His head was pounding like someone was smashing his head in with a hammer, so it wasn’t like he could even focus if he tried.
His eyes drooped, nearly closing, and he wanted nothing more than just to let them close. His arms and legs were slightly numb; he didn’t even feel like he was at school. His head felt like it was somewhere else, and he wished he was anywhere but school.
Akito pulled out his phone and checked the time; it read 1:35. He groaned quietly, burying his head further in his arms; there were still 45 minutes until school was over. Akito was sure he wouldn’t last that long.
When the teacher left to deal with a glitter explosion, Akito knew exactly whose fault that was; he took the opportunity to bolt out of class and out the front doors. He was sure he was gonna pass out if he stayed sitting any longer. Akito slipped his earbuds in, blasting his music too loudly, but it helped him ignore his ever-worsening headache. He found himself putting more effort into walking, and it felt more like he was simply dragging his lifeless body home.
After what felt like miles of walking, Akito got to the front door and unlocked the door, letting out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He was unsure whether his parents were home, but it wasn’t like it would matter either way; they didn’t pay him attention anyway.
Akito quietly went to his room; he looked at Ena’s door, reminded of their argument from a few days ago. They both said things they didn’t mean, but Ena’s words hit him deeply,
“God, you’re the fucking worst! I’d much rather have no sibling than have you as a little brother!”
He hadn’t been able to bring himself to speak with her since.
On the other hand, Ena felt horrible; she didn’t mean what she said and was never good with words. More than anything, she wanted to apologize, but she didn’t know how.
When Akito reached his room, all his exhaustion had hit him at once. His vision blurred, leaving him falling forward, but he was able to catch himself right before his head hit the floor. His eyes drooped; he didn’t think he’d ever been this tired. Akito decided to take a short nap before practice and then chug a couple of energy drinks. He quickly set an alarm before laying on his bed, falling asleep before his head even hit the pillow.
* . _________________________________ . *
Toya smiled slightly as the final school bell went; he looked to the class door as he packed his stuff up, expecting Akito to show up soon so they could walk together. Toya waited about 15 minutes before it became clear that Akito would not be showing up, which was weird because this never happened unless something was wrong.
Toya grabbed his bags and left, searching for An; unable to find her, he approached someone he recognized from Akito’s functions class.
“Hey! Uh, have you seen Akito?” Toya asked the boy in front of him, his breath increasing and his worry starting to spike.
“Ugh yea the teacher left class for a minute, and the freak bolted out of class like some loser,” The boy scoffed, “Don’t know what the fuck was up with him today,” the boy continued, but Toya was gone; he knew if he stayed, he’d most likely have lashed out.
Toya wasn’t one to act out irrationally unless you were insulting Akito, the boy he loved, in which case you’re a dead man. Toya pulled his phone out and dialed Ena’s number as Akito was not picking up. It rang twice before he heard a tired hello on the other line.
“Huh, Toya? What’s up?” Ena asked, just having woken up.
“Is Akito home?” The dual-haired boy asked.
Ena stayed silent for a second, confused, before getting up to check the front, and sure enough, she saw Akito’s bag and shoes scattered at the front entrance.
“Oh, yeah, I guess he is. That’s weird. I wonder why he left early.” Ena said more to herself than to Toya.
“He didn’t tell you he was home?” Toya questioned.
Ena hesitated for a second before responding, “We, uh, we got into a pretty bad fight. I still haven’t quite figured out how to apologize this time.” Ena could feel the guilt eating away at her; despite how she acted, she hated hurting her little brother. At this point, she considered herself the worst older sister to ever exist.
“Ah well, I’m sure it’ll be ok,” Toya offered. “Is Akito okay, though?” she asked.
Ena approached Akito’s door, knocking lightly after seeing it locked,
“Akito?” She called out 3 times. “He might be asleep or blasting music.” Ena offered Toya as consultation.
It didn’t calm Toya’s nerves, but he knew Akito would never skip practice, so he decided to wait for Akito there.
Toya said bye to Ena before starting over to his house.
* . _________________________________ . *
Akito woke up to the sound of his alarm, somehow more exhausted than he had been when he had fallen asleep. He did not feel like moving but was not about letting his teammates down. If he could stand, he could dance and sing; at least, that’s how Akito saw it.
He wobbled on his feet, finding it hard to stand upright; he grabbed the energy drink on his desk, downing it in 10 seconds with a prayer it’ll get him through today.
Akito was not about to let his sleep-deprived body limit his already talentless abilities, and he was not going to fall behind. Akito would never stop working harder than all of his teammates combined. The ginger failed to understand that his body had limits and that pushing those limits too far would only end in disaster.
Akito willed his body to move as he got changed and grabbed what he needed for practice, including covering the deep eyebags that seemed permanent at this point; Akito couldn’t remember what his face looked like without the dark eyebags telling him to stop pushing. Grabbing his phone, he pushed the front door open only to be blinded by the sun; he groaned, glancing up at the sky.
Akito continued forward, ignoring how dizzy he felt and how he desperately fought to stay upright.
Akito swiftly dug his nails into his right arm to stop himself from passing out. A small habit he picked up a few years ago, clawing at his skin when he needed to focus on something else, or, more recently, to keep himself awake. It sometimes drew blood, but Akito didn’t care.
Sometimes, he believed his talentless self deserved the pain. Though Akito knew his friends would call him stupid and tell him otherwise, the thoughts in his head could not be so easily overwritten. Akito threw his most believable smile on as he entered Weekend Garage.
“Oi Akito, why do you look so dead inside.” An teased, ruffling Akito’s hair.
The ginger shot her a dirty look before sitting at the bar.
“It’s odd for Kohane and Toya to not be on time.” Akito commented while ordering coffee, hoping it would help keep him awake until he returned home.
“Kohane was here but forgot her change of clothes, so she’ll be a bit late, and Toya said he was finishing homework, so he’s running slightly late.” An explained, “They should be here in about 5-10 minutes, though.”
Akito rested his head on his hand and dug his nails into his arm again to stop his eyes from drooping even slightly. It was a nonstop battle for Akito not to fall asleep right then and there, but he knew he’d be letting his team down.
An looked at the boy with concern dripping from her gaze; it was painfully obvious how much he was overworking himself. She could see right through him and his fake smile; Akito was exhausted, but getting the guy to rest was practically impossible. Anytime anyone brought up the subject of him overworking and being sleep-deprived, he swiftly changed the subject with a new excuse each time.
“Oi Akito, you better be sleeping, or your boyfriend's gonna be mad.” An teased, trying to test how awake he was.
“Hahhh? Of course, I'm sleeping- WAIT, BOYFRIEND??” Akito yelled. As if on cue, Toya and Kohane arrived right then; Akito looked up at Toya, his face bright red.
“What's going on?” Kohane asked, confused.
“NOTHING!” Akito replied immediately.
“Oh? Are you sure? We were just talking about you bo-” An started, but Akito ran over, blocking her mouth.
“Shut up!” Akito yelled, somehow turning even more red.
An smirked at the ginger, who scoffed very annoyed at the girl. The group quickly got changed so they could start practice as soon as possible.
Akito, who already changed, sat on the bench waiting for the rest of the group. He was fighting with whatever willpower he had left not to fall asleep. His body was shutting down, yet Akito refused to give in. The last thing he wanted was for his team to see how weak he saw himself, and in his eyes, feeling this tired while being talentless meant he was weak.
Akito was able to function properly for about half of the practice. Though he knew he wasn't performing at his best, he could feel how weak he was performing.
The rest of the group noticed, too, how exhausted the poor ginger was. All three were filled with concern and worry, and each spared extra glances at Akito throughout the practice.
During their run-through of Beyond the Way, Akito could barely hold himself up, and his voice wouldn't come out.
He made a misstep, and suddenly, the world seemed to fall in his eyes.
“Shit, not here, please,” he pleaded to himself, and his body finally gave out.
The world went dark before he even hit the ground. The last thing he heard was Toya’s voice yelling his name, but he couldn't respond.
* . _________________________________ . *
Except for Akito, the practice seemed to go normally in Toya’s eyes. Toya was perceptive when it came to the ginger; Toya knew the guy was overworking and not resting. The dual-haired boy could see how off Akito was from the start of practice.
He hadn't been expecting his best friend to collapse during practice. It felt like everything happened in slow motion; Toya watched Akito misstep, and then collapse to the ground. Toya called out his name, but the boy was passed out.
Toya practically fell to the ground to check on Akito. He knew he wasn't dead, but that didn't stop the concerned boy from ensuring he had a pulse.
“What the hell? Akito, you dumbass, you’re supposed to tell us when it's too much!” An lashed out, wiping tears away before they fell.
An knew well of Akito’s bad sleeping habits and how much he overworked, but it didn't change the fact that it was terrifying watching the idiot suddenly collapse in the middle of practice.
“Shinonome-kun!” Kohane yelled, surprised. The trio crowded around the collapsed boy, unsure of what to do.
Toya lifted Akito’s head to rest on his lap instead of the ground.
“What should we do?” Kohane asked, her voice audibly shaking.
“We can’t stay here, so let’s just go to Akito’s house,” An decided as she stood up,
“Toya, will you be alright carrying him? Kohane and I will meet you there with our bags.” Toya nodded in agreement, and Kohane followed her girlfriend back to Weekend Garage.
Toya looked closely at Akito’s face; he could see the dark eyebags covered by makeup. Toya sighed as he picked the ginger up as carefully as possible.
The boy was much lighter than Toya had anticipated, which only made him more concerned, but he decided to focus on the current issue.
“You idiot, you don’t need to put yourself through so much; I love you and always will; just talk to me, please.” Toya whispered, tears falling down his cheek as he looked down at the boy in his arms.
It didn’t take long for Toya to reach Akito’s house, mainly because he wanted Akito to rest on his bed. He knocked a few times before Ena finally answered.
“Who the fuck is at the door? If you forgot your key, Akito, I will lock you out!” Ena yelled but paused as she opened the door.
“Akito?” she asked, looking down at the boy in Toya’s arms.
Ena moved out of the way to let Toya inside.
“He collapsed during practice, hasn’t been sleeping, and has been overworking.” Toya explained quickly while climbing the stairs to Akito’s room; he laid the boy on his bed and removed his jacket and shoes.
“Is he ok?” Ena asked, concerned for her baby brother.
“He just needs rest and lots of it,” Toya said softly, but the dual-haired boy was still overflowing with concern for the ginger.
“An and Kohane are on their way as well; none of us will leave his side until he wakes up.” Toya said with determination and a bit of sadness.
“Stupid brother, you have so many people that care about you; you don’t need to keep everything locked inside.” Ena said softly, tears welling up in her eyes.
The doorbell rang, and Ena quickly rubbed her eyes and headed downstairs.
Toya looked at Akito’s face; he looked so peaceful while sleeping. Toya lifted his hand, softly running his fingers through the boy's fluffy orange hair. He stopped for a second as tears began falling down his face.
“Akito, why? I care about you so much, you reignited my passion for music. You’re an important member of Vivid BAD SQUAD, and you’re an incredible performer. So WHY! Why do you do this to yourself?” With tears falling non-stop, Toya said,
“I love you, so why?” Toya whispered more to himself, his voice cracking the whole time.
Toya rubbed the tears from his face and stood up; he lifted Akito’s hair off his forehead, kissing the boy gently and whispering a quiet “Sleep well.” before heading downstairs with everyone else.
“Hey An, are you ok?” Kohane asked the taller one while wrapping her arms around the girl.
“Yeah, yeah, I-I’ll be fine; I'm just worried ya know? I saw what he was doing to himself and didn’t stop. This is partly my fault, and I shouldn't have waited until it was too late. W-what if something worse happened!” An stopped talking as sobs wracked her whole body, hot tears running down her face as she buried her head in Kohane’s shoulder.
An wrapped her arms around Kohane’s waist, pulling her in closer; Kohane held the other back just as tightly.
“I’m worried, too, but Shinonome-kun is strong; he’ll bounce back even stronger. Then we’ll give him heck for running himself ragged!” Kohane told the girl with a kind smile.
An laughed a little, loosening her grip on the shorter girl, “Yeah, I’m gonna give Akito hell once he wakes up!” An said, feeling better than before.
An cupped her hands around Kohane’s cheeks, “How did I get such a cute girlfriend?” An asked, smiling widely now.
“By being even cuter yourself.” Kohane responded in a shy voice.
An leaned in, pressing a light kiss on Kohane’s lips before pulling away at the sound of someone coming down the stairs. Kohane’s gaze followed her girlfriend, smiling warmly and thinking about how lucky she was.
“Has he woken up yet?” An asked Toya, and he entered the room. The boy responded with a head shake.
“Well, I suppose it might be a while before sleeping beauty wakes up, so we might as well watch a movie or something.” An sighed, taking a seat on the couch; Kohane followed after.
None of them was watching the movie, each off in their own mind, concern building for the ginger asleep upstairs.
* . _________________________________ . *
Akito woke up with a start, breathing heavily. “What the hell, how did I get here?” The ginger asked, confused. It took a few minutes for the memories of the recent events to come flooding back to him.
“Shit, that was so lame. I didn’t think I could be any more of a loser, but collapsing in the middle of practice is just weak.” Akito seethed out, self-loathing being the only thought in his head.
The boy grabbed his jacket and shoes and stood up.
“Well, I don’t feel sick from just standing, so I’m good enough to practice.” the boy retorted to himself; he looked at his phone, which read 1:30 am.
He groaned; part of him knew that, at this point, he was seriously causing himself more pain than needed, but he couldn’t bring himself to care right now. He wasn’t expecting to see all his friends passed out asleep on a couch in his house.
“What are they still doing here?” Akito asked; his heart was aching, practically begging him to ask them for help. Fortunately, he didn't need to take the first step as he had an older sister with a horrible sleep schedule.
“Akito? Where the hell are you going?” Ena asked, clearly not making an effort to keep quiet.
“I was just gonna go out for a run.” Akito stated simply that there was nothing wrong with that.
Rage fumed through Ena, “What the hell is wrong with you? You passed out from exhaustion and thought you should work yourself more?!” She yelled, causing the trio, asleep on the couch, to wake up.
“Akito?” a soft voice behind the ginger asked, causing the boy's heart to stop.
Akito turned around, suddenly overcome with guilt upon seeing Toya’s concerned face. The dual-haired boy pulled Akito to his chest, wrapping the boy in a hug.
All the feelings Akito had been holding in seemed to burst at that moment as tears began to spill down the ginger's face. Akito, for once, let himself fully sob his heart out. His arms shook as he brought them around Toya’s shoulders burying his face farther into the blue-haired boy's sweater.
“It’s ok, Akito,” Toya whispered, reassuring the shorter boy.
They stayed like that for a few minutes until Akito let himself pull away from the hug, wiping his tears with his sweater sleeves.
“Akito, you dumbass! Why the hell do you push yourself to that limit? You’re hurting the people around you who are watching you suffer but can’t do anything about it!” An yelled at the boy, immediately feeling bad about her tone.
“I’m sorry, it’s just what I have to do to be worthy of standing next to you guys on stage. I have no talent; you are all miles ahead of me.” Akito responded, looking down at the floor, all the self-loathing returning.
“You idiot! You have every right to be on that stage right next to us!” An yelled, and both Toya and Kohane voiced their agreement.
“You aren’t talentless, Akito, and even if you were, who cares? You’re certainly the best performer I know.” Toya told Akito, looking him right in the eye and trying his best to convey his feelings.
“I-I’m sorry for wasting your time, and ruining practice.” Akito said while tears fell down his face once more.
He felt himself fall to the floor, and his body shook as he cried his heart out. Toya sat beside the boy, pulling him close, and both An and Kohane, sitting on either side, wrapped their arms around the shaking figure.
The group stayed like that until Akito felt well enough to look up.
“Next time you feel like this, please tell us.” Toya said, practically begging the boy.
Akito nodded; he hated seeing his friends worried like this. After talking longer, the group decided they should probably sleep.
An and Kohane said they were fine with the couch, so Akito and Toya did as usual and shared Akito’s bed. Toya grabbed the ginger’s hand and pulled the boy up the stairs.
“Hey, Akito? I just wanted to talk for a second.” Ena said, coming out of her room. “I, uh, I wanted to apologize for our argument earlier.” Ena told him, looking down.
“It’s ok, Enanan.” He told her, smiling slightly. Ena hugged him tightly.
“You’re the only brother I want, I promise. I’ll always be here for you, lil-bro.” Ena told him, smiling, tears welling up in her eyes.
The two pulled away after a minute, both equally happy to have resolved their argument.
“Hey Akito, who didn’t you just tell me how you felt about yourself and your place in this group?” Toya asked the boy as he entered the room.
“I didn’t think you’d care.” Akito replied, looking away in shame; he knew it was stupid but couldn’t always control his thoughts.
Toya looked at Akito, he thought to himself,
‘How could I not care about you? I love you! I love you so much!’
Toya stood still for a second, and all the feelings he’d failed to suppress boiled up to his throat. He poured out his thoughts in a sea of words.
“Of course I would care! Akito, you mean everything to me. I’m always dying to know more about you. You saved my life, you made me realize how much I truly love music, and not just how much I love performing music. You showed me how much I love singing with YOU. When you collapsed today, that was the most scared I’d ever been. I Know how you treat yourself and it always hurts ME seeing you underappreciated yourself. Akito, I love you! I’ve always loved you, and I always will” Toya shouted his feelings, tears pricking his eyes without giving them too much thought until he looked at Akito’s face; then Toya realized what he’d just said.
“You love me?” Akito repeated as though he didn’t believe it; Toya stood shocked at himself, unsure what to say.
‘He loves me? He loves me back? But no I don’t deserve him, I don’t deserve to love him!’ his head screamed at him, ‘NO! No, I won’t think like that! I love him! I love him better than anyone else ever will! I want to be his!’
Akito walked up to the taller boy, grabbed his sweater, and pulled him down, crashing their lips together.
It was a messy first kiss, as all first kisses are, but they tilted their heads, leaning into the kiss. Akito wrapped his arms around Toya, pulling him closer, and Toya grabbed Akito’s waist, leaning into the kiss even more.
The two pulled away for a second to look at each other,
“I take that as an I love you too?” Toya asked the shorter boy, smiling.
Akito roughly grabbed the boy's cheeks bringing him closer. “Of course I love you! More than anything else in the world.” Akito voiced his feelings confidently.
They embraced each other never wanting to let go.
Their eyes met again and they both leaned in connecting their lips once more, this time with more desperation. The two boys had suppressed their feelings for one another for so long, and this moment felt like a dream come true for both of them.
Toya tugged on Akito’s lower lip to deepen the kiss; Akito happily obliged, opening his mouth and letting their mouths dance together as they finally displayed their feelings for each other. The boys finally pulled away for air,
“I love you so much, Toya.” Akito told him while bringing their foreheads together.
The two boys finally settled into Akito’s bed, Toya’s arms wrapped securely around the ginger, holding him tightly. They still needed to discuss things, but for now, they just held each other full of happiness.