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Moonlight bathes his skin in a heavenly glow. Fragile features calmed, hard eyes letting their guard down, and his lips, oh his lips, form a small smile. Kaneki lays in Tsukiyama’s arms and they’re quite, a soft comfortable lack of sound that coated them like a quilt. Tsukiyama was tired and wished to sleep but seeing Kaneki look so at peace was a rarity nowadays and he would not let this wash away from him.
And he wishes they could stay here, silent and soft.
Tsukiyama’s thoughts are pensive and nostalgic as he thinks of all him and Kaneki had been through. He thinks of the books they bonded over, thinks of the ghoul restaurant, thinks of the fight in the church, thinks of rescuing him from Aogiri, thinks of how he declared to be his sword--and the dagger neath his pillow. God did he wish he could go back to when they first met and change it. He was a predatory man with a singular interest, little did he know he was chasing something more than the flesh of Kaneki Ken--he was chasing a friend, a lover perhaps.
A voice pulls pulls him back with fragile hands: “Tsukiyama?”
His eyes find the other and he notes that Kaneki seems to have arisen from his state of rest. His silver colored eyes finding Tsukiyama’s, “hm?”
“What are you thinking about?”
You, but: “The past.”
His laugh is soft, almost melancholic. “The past huh.”
The past and how these vicious desires have become evanescent, like a pond settling after a tremulous storm. And you, my dear, are the sunshine that breaks through the shallow pond water turning it into something beautiful: “Yeah, how we met and how we became who we are now.”
A question: “Why?”
Why indeed, why now? Tsukiyama can’t find a reason why his thoughts chased the past. Why he was thinking of how things could’ve changed--for didn’t he have all he wanted now? A friend and a lover, someone to hold in the night. No, it was not how they should be.
“It just seems, odd.” His voice is carefully structured.
“Odd?” Kaneki is prying, like he always did--a boy too smart for his own good.
“Who we are now compared to who we were a year ago.”
“I suppose you’re right, it’s so odd to think we once fought each other.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“All over books.”
There was more, oh there was more-- “yes all over books.”
And then silence ensues once more.
Tsukiyama’s eyes find the moon and he thinks: oh you’ve seen it all and yet you still shine down on us with the same blinding light. The moon didn’t care for who they were or what they’ve done, it still basked them both in that soft, gossamer light. The moon’s love is unconditional he supposes, and perhaps that’s why nighttime was so peaceful.
A chuckle: “thinking again?”
“Hm, this time about the moon.” Tsukiyama’s eyes are out the window, the large floor to ceiling window that allotted for the most advantageous view of the night sky. He smiles, money truly bought you a lot when you needed it.
“The moon?” Kaneki asks, eyebrows piquing in interest.
“Yeah.”
“Anything in particular?”
“Just-” He stops and laughs, “it’s lame.”
“Tell me.”
“I was thinking how it seems the moon shines on everyone no matter what.”
“You mean no matter what they’ve done.”
“Hm.”
A pause, a parting of lips, a closing of lips, and then: “That’s not lame.”
Tsukiyama’s face turns from the window and back down to the younger male leaned against him. Kaneki’s features are solemn, soft and honest--as if he feels something he doesn’t want to. He looks so much older than just nineteen.
“You don’t think so?”
A head shake, “no” and then he moves so he’s facing the other, “I think it’s comforting to know something loves you despite what you’ve done.”
You’re not as bad as you think, “it is nice isn’t it.” He turns back to face the night sky. Stars twinkling in the somber colored sky.
“Like you.”
A pique of his eyebrows indicates his confusion--“what?”--and his voice is uneven.
“You like me despite everything.” Kaneki says softly, as if the words were heavy in his chest and it ached to make them come out above a whisper. How tragic he was.
“I do.”
“And I like you, despite it all.”
This time Tsukiyama laughs and he turns to face the younger male. Kaneki’s smile is fragile as if something could break it at any moment. Soft eyes travel to his lips and Tsukiyama follows the boys desires:
A kiss.
A kiss--
A kiss of two damaged souls coming together and accepting it. Yes they were broken (god forgive them) and yes they hurt, themselves and others, but together under the gossamer light of the moon all of that seemed far away.--
--Together they could be fractured together and still feel whole.
Tsukiyama pulls back now and Kaneki moves to lay his head on his chest once more. Kaneki’s breathing is soft and Tsukiyama smiles. A content one. No longer does his lips turn into a wicked grin at the idea of Kaneki and nor do they feign friendship with an overly sweet grin. He just smiles, really and truly smiles.
Here we lay and here we will stay.
“Kaneki?”
“Hm?”
“If I told you I liked you would you believe me?”
“Huh? Why wouldn’t I?”
(why would you a voice, in Tsukiyama’s head, perks in a snarl.)
“I just don’t know if you understand how I like you.”
“Tell me.”
Oh.
“I like you like I like books--I enjoy finding little bits of you each day, I enjoy the story you tell,”(and God do I hope I am apart of it),“I enjoy reading you.” His voice stops. This is lame. He can’t truly express this to him. All the words in the world couldn’t make the boy understand--
“I get it.”
“Huh?” This time it’s his turn to be confused.
“Books are something that connects us and it only makes sense if your feelings are like that. I feel...I feel the same.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
And sometimes it was easy, to tell someone how you felt when you truly understood each other. And here they will lay, washed in the light of the moon and in each other’s arms. And here is where Tsukiyama finds his religion, he believes in this and in the moon and in love--for once.