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Patience isn't Jesper's best quality. He hates waiting, sitting without moving, doing nothing. He hates waiting, he hates it. But tonight, he'll be as patient as it takes. He'll wait, he won't move and he won't do anything - that's the promise he gave, the only thing that Kaz asked for. Because he's an idiot who likes to play with fire, he's a reckless thrill-seeker, he's a saints-damned idiot who fell in love with Kaz Brekker, the Bastard of the Barrel, the demon who haunts the unsavoury shadows of Ketterdam's darkest sector.
And tonight, he's going to let Kaz do whatever he likes.
They've not talked about it (Kaz isn't good with words) but just the looks they give each other was enough. They've spent years working and living together - yes, living, because the Slat doesn't exactly offer the most privacy possible, and in that time, no-one could have possibly missed the tension between them.
Yes, of course there's Inej and Jesper isn't willing to take her place, to try and replace what she and Kaz mean to each-other. Inej is Kaz's light, his north star and his compass. He'd be lost without her, and Jesper is dead certain that Inej would let herself disappear into the shadows without Kaz, never to come back out. Jes doesn't want to betray either of them, he never did. He resisted all he could, but Kaz always gets what he wants. It's one of the things Jesper admires about his boss...that and the way the light falls on his sharp features, the way his eyes crinkle when he pretends he's not laughing, the dark colour of his deep eyes...
It's those eyes that catch his own after they come back come a quick surveillance job - those deep eyes that held his for two seconds longer than were necessary, and Jesper just follows up the stairs into what he'd called Kaz's nest, under the roof of the Slat. He feels Inej look at them go, but when he turns to her, feeling already the need to throw himself at her feet and pray all the Saints for her forgiveness, she just smiles. She understands.
And now they're here, they're alone and every single fibre of Jesper's being is singing in anticipation. But of what? He knows Kaz, knows how he is, and despite his reputation, he's not the type to just barrel (haha) into a steamy situation, no questions asked. Especially not now, not like this.
So...
- Kaz, what -
- Don't.
Well, that's clear at least. "Don't". He supposes it means that he shouldn't talk or move or whatever, so that's just what he does. He quickly looks around the room (the desk with all the papers and the pens and the ink and the half-empty glass, the bed with the rumpled sheets - oh saints Kaz's bed, it shouldn't attract him like it does right now, hot damn...) until he spots a chair in the corner. Well, that'll do. He doesn't dare sit on the bed just yet, it might not come to that anyway.
So he sits and he waits, fingers tapping on his thighs. How long before Kaz decides this is all a stupid idea and tells him to leave? To be honest he's almost ready to walk out, to save them both a little dignity but Kaz finally speaks up again.
- Don't touch me.
- I wasn't going to, boss.
He's a little peeved that Kaz thinks that of him, but then it sinks in that this is in fact a condition. Kaz is laying out the conditions for this to continue, and he's just as nervous about the whole thing (it's obvious from the way his eyes shift) So Jesper does what Jesper always does and plays it cool. As much as he can, anyway.
- You're the one in charge here, like always. So tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it.
- Just stay there.
- Not too complicated, I can just about do that ~
It's rewarding after that to see the tension begin to leave Kaz's body, just a tiny tiny bit but it's enough. And then the most feared teenager of the Barrel takes a few steps forward and stands just in front of Jesper.
- Get up.
Oh the things that voice does when it's fully directed at him... Jes doesn't waste a second and gets to his feet; he might have tried to say something but then he freezes because Kaz has opened the first of Jesper's shirt buttons.
Oh... Oh fuck. There's the whisper-soft sensation of those leather gloves at the crook of his neck - trailing slow as time as Kaz keeps going down, one button at a time. Jesper knows the seductive power of undressing one's partner, it's very effective after all. But this isn't seduction. He's already very very much under Kaz's spell and he knows that this is Kaz trusting him with more than just the plan, more than just his life. Kaz is trusting him with...well, trust.
Three buttons down and there's the slightest breeze from the cracked-open window, making Jesper shudder as if Kaz's gloves on his skin wasn't already enough. He can't be that naïve, he can't *not* know that it's the sort of sensation that makes a man very very quickly want to get down to business. But Jesper promised he wouldn't move and he won't. He won't move, not even when he feels his pants are a hundred thousand times too tight already.
- ...Kaz...
The only answer is a look, and he knows that look. It's the look that you don't try to argue against. Fine, fine... He'll keep being silent and patient. A vague thought crosses his mind, something about his own hands running over Kaz's ghost-white skin, his fingers running through Kaz's hair, whispering over Kaz's closed eyes, hovering over Kaz's lips... And he squashes those thoughts back straight away - it's not the most helpful thing right now, he doesn't want to give Kaz a reason not to carry on.
And Kaz looks so...concentrated. He always does (that or permanently grumpy) but this time it's like he's trying very very very hard to think about what he's doing.
- Kaz, we don't -
Another look and this time Jes almost (almost) leans in to kiss him. He can't help himself, it's just so bloody unfair to be this close to the man of his dreams, the asshole he's been in love with since they met, and to not be able to touch him. Saints damn everything, he *wants to kiss Kaz so much*
And Kaz knows it, of course he does. His hands hover over the fourth button and he tilts his head back, just a bit, locking eyes with Jesper.
- Go on.
So Jesper does. He leans slightly down and - *finally, finally* - finally kisses Kaz. And for the split second their lips are touching, his heart feels on fire.
It's pure frustration pulling away but he's keeping his head for once. He's terribly aware that Kaz hasn't moved and can't help thinking that he shouldn't have kissed him, that he probably overstepped into Kaz's personnal trauma (they're all fucked-up in some way after all). But no. Kaz hasn't moved and he's still looking straight at him. And his heart-stopping crooked grin is all the answer Jes needs.