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That night.
He doesn’t know how it happened. They just lied together in bed, and before he knew it, they were closer than they ever were before. Together in a tight hug, naked, he could feel Meursault’s breath on his neck.
Gregor was never close with Meursault. He considered him a mere colleague from work, but that night, all of it changed...
But the next day, everything went back to normal, as if nothing happened between them. And Gregor couldn’t stop thinking about that night, about Meursault, the most stoic person he ever met, looking at him with so much emotion in his eyes as they made love.
Gregor groans as he lies in his bed, sweating, turning from side to side, unable to find a comfortable position. It seemed like another sleepless night to him as he was left to think with no interruption. His mind was consumed by various thoughts, mostly those of a certain man.
He thinks about that moment that’s seared into his memory. Over and over again, he replays the moment in his head, still in disbelief that it really happened. He remembers that night perfectly, every detail, every breath, the touch of their bodies intertwined. Just the thought of Meursault’s look sent shivers up his spine. He knows that it won’t happen again between them, at least not directly, but he can’t help wishful thinking, hoping that someday he could see that look in Meursault’s eyes again.
He didn’t know how to express these feelings he had for a stoic person like him. But for once he felt completely safe, completely understood.
There was no doubt in that Gregor started to fall in love with Meursault, and it was hard to deny. But he knew he didn’t have any chances, anyway. They barely talked before and after the incident. They probably didn’t have anything in common either, but the way Meursault looked at him... He couldn’t stop thinking about that look Meursault gave him. It was as if he was seeing himself in a new light, like his eyes were finally opened for the first time.
He keeps thinking of reasons to justify his feelings. Whether he was just lusting for him, or had a superficial attraction to him. The truth was, he had never felt this way about anyone before. He still couldn’t believe it when he woke up next to Meursault all tangled up together.
But his train of thoughts got interrupted by an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. It felt like he had to vomit. This isn’t the first time he has felt that way. It started happening almost every day, it’s been hard to fight with this...
The feeling of nausea takes over him as he gets out of bed. He can’t help feeling an odd sensation in his stomach, like something is crawling up his insides. He finds it difficult to stand up straight and his legs start shaking as he walks towards the hallway. The air is stagnant and humid, his sweat dripping down his back. He reaches for his cigarettes on the table and lights one up, hoping it would ease the discomfort.
He remembers the time he smoked after he and Meursault had their night, and at that time he really understood why people smoke after having sex. It feels like everything now reminds him of that night. He takes a drag of his cigarette, feeling a small rush of adrenaline. He breathed in the sweet, thick smoke, taking in the flavor. Upon exhaling, he allows the nicotine to flow through his body, relieving the discomfort and soothing the nausea.
Every aspect of his mind is reminiscent of that night — the way they touched each other, the way they kissed, the way he saw Meursault’s eyes filled with emotion as he held him closely. As he takes another puff of the cigarette, the memory of Meursault’s tender touch on his back comes flashing by in his mind, making his cheeks flush involuntarily.
Gregor is sitting on the bus with the rest of his colleagues. Everyone is chatting as always, but Gregor is quiet. He still thinks about everything. Unable to escape his thoughts about their one-time encounter. It’s been what? A month? He didn’t think much about it, but lately, ever since he felt the nausea...
That feeling of nausea still comes back to him randomly, like a painful reminder of the one thing he wants most: Meursault’s touch.
His eyes wander to Meursault. Seeing him sitting calmly from across the bus, having a straight face as Heathcliff and Ishmael argue right next to him, he wonders... What Meursault is thinking.
Suddenly, a conversation between his colleagues catches his attention
“So, are you excited to meet your girl Cathy again, Heath?” Rodion asks cheerfully.
“... You could say it like that,” Heathcliff murmurs.
“Hey, I know we don’t agree on things at all, but I think there’s no reason to be ashamed.” Ishmael says calmly, “I mean, I get it. I can’t wait until all of this ends and I get to see Queequeg again,” she smiles lightly.
“I think we all have someone we’re waiting to see again! Well, besides me, I don’t know if I want to see Sonya,” Rodion responds with a chuckle.
“I am myself waiting for us to return to normalcy so I could embrace Dongbaek again,” Yi Sang says as he closes his eyes in thought.
Sinclair blushes, looking down. “I hope I see Demian again...”
Gregor’s heart tightens as he takes note of the conversation. He feels a deep, bitter sentiment inside him, knowing fully well that he has nobody he’s eager to see when this is over. He doesn’t even have anybody to miss... This is the reality of his life, and it’s a depressing realization. Gregor can’t help but feel a bit jealous of the others. It’s as if they had everything he didn’t...
Gregor doesn’t have anyone waiting for him. Everyone on the bus are the only people in his life now. After everything is over... He will be alone again.
He stares out of the window at the buildings passing by, feeling a strong need for something to ease his mind. As he looks at the city skyline, he can’t help the longing feeling in his chest. He needs to take a deep breath, because it’s starting to become harder and harder for him to take in anything. He pulls out his cigarettes and lights one up.
As Gregor takes a drag of the cigarette to calm his nerves, he thinks about Meursault, and the way he was so calm, so stoic. He thought to himself, how did he remain so unaffected by everything? Then he wondered, does Meursault have someone he’s waiting to see? A beloved figure, a person he can let his guard down to. The idea was almost impossible to imagine... But what if he did? Someone who could make him break his stoic stance... Did Meursault ever look at someone the same way he looked at Gregor that night?
As if the world wanted to answer his question, he hears Don Quixote speak to Meursault, “Sir Meursault! Dost thou have anyone you look forward to reunite with?” she asks with a wide grin before her eyes sparkle. “A lover, perhaps??”
Meursault is quiet for a moment, looking at Don Quixote with a straight face, before he speaks. “Her name is Marie.”
Gregor freezes as he hears this... Marie? Meursault has a lover? How could this be possible? Meursault, who was the most stoic person he ever met? The man who seemed uninterested in love or emotions had someone he cared about. It was like everything he knew about Meursault had flipped upside down. He couldn’t help feeling like he was being punched in the stomach, his mind reeling with unanswered questions...
Meursault will probably come back to that Marie after everything... He probably doesn’t care about Gregor, and he will be all alone when he comes back from the company, with no one waiting for him. It’s a bitter thought, but he has to accept it. Meursault has a lover, and he’s probably not the slightest bit interested in him. His stomach twists with an unbearable feeling of dread as he realizes this... Meursault is going to go back to Marie, to his life away from Limbus, all while Gregor will remain alone, unwanted, and untouched...
“Hey Greg.”
Gregor suddenly hears Rodion speak.
“You’ve been awfully quiet. Is something wrong?”
Gregor snaps out of his thoughts and turns to look at her, trying to shake off the negative emotions that had been swirling inside. He forces a small smile and shakes his head. “Nah, I’m fine... Just have a bit of a upset stomach.”
Rodion tilts her head. “You’ve been saying that for like a week now though... Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks, clearly caring for his wellbeing.
Gregor sighs and shrugs, trying to brush it off. “Yeah, I don’t know... But it’s nothing serious...” He avoids making eye contact and takes a long drag of his cigarette, knowing he has to keep up the act. He can’t just tell her how much he’s feeling right now. There’s nothing she could do, anyway.
Then, suddenly, Gregor’s nausea got worse.
Gregor starts to get more uncomfortable with each moment, his nausea becoming more and more unbearable. He tries to keep it down, but he can’t help feeling as if he’s going to throw up at any second now. He stands up and excuses himself, telling Rodion he’ll be right back. In a hurry, he rushes to the bus restroom, quickly shutting himself in and trying not to make a mess.
He bends over the toilet and throws up. His stomach heaves vigorously, his body shaking as he retches up his contents. After a few minutes, he finally manages to stop, his breathing heavy and his head spinning. He feels his throat burning, his mouth coated with the taste of bile. It takes all his willpower to keep it together and not lose it completely...
As Gregor finally calms down from vomiting, he flushes the toilet and rests his forehead against his hand, thinking about just what is happening to him... He can’t help feeling anxious, wondering if something is seriously wrong with him. He starts thinking about his recent symptoms, and they always seem to revolve around the one night he spent with Meursault. But the thing is, he didn’t drink or eat anything strange, so how did he get so sick? Could it be the stress or the anxiety, or was there something more to it...
...And then, a realization strikes him with fear.
A chill runs down his spine when he thinks back to that night with Meursault... He had never felt so vulnerable as he did when they were in bed. He had never felt so exposed, so open with his emotions, so close to the other man, who he could only describe as a stoic, emotionless person. But in that moment, he felt like he was finally seen, finally understood, finally loved. It was as if this other person had seen right through his heart and soul, and it brought him an intense rush of intimacy... But what if that intimacy had been the cause of his nausea?
Gregor holds his abdomen as he looks down at it.
Did he...
Get pregnant that night?
He flinches as the horrible thought comes to him, the possibility suddenly becoming all too real. He thinks about his symptoms, thinking about the intense nausea, the stomach pain, the lack of energy, the frequent vomiting. It’s all starting to make sense, and it’s terrifying... He can’t believe this is happening, and it’s making him sick all over again.
The thought itself of being pregnant is enough for Gregor to vomit again. Carrying a baby... In a time like this? He’s supposed to be in this company, fighting every day, for Wings knows how long. What will he tell Meursault? How will he tell him...? He feels like his world is crumbling apart, his life suddenly becoming impossible. He’s barely getting by now, fighting every day in this company that keeps stripping away his humanity. And now, with him possibly carrying a newborn, it’s enough to make him completely lose it. How was he supposed to take care of a child in this situation? How was he supposed to tell Meursault?
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the restroom’s door.
“Um... Mr. Gregor...? Are you alright...?” he hears Sinclair’s voice.
He snaps out of his thoughts, realizing he’s been in there too long. “Yeah... I’m alright...” He forces himself to sound normal, trying not to let on that there’s something wrong with him. He doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on, especially not Sinclair...
“Miss Rodya said you’re not feeling alright s-so um...” he nervously trails off.
Gregor sighs and opens the door, stepping out of the restroom and looking down as Sinclair stands there. His breathing is still heavy from what happened and he feels exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He looks at Sinclair, not wanting to worry him about it. “I’m fine, I just... ate something that made me sick, I guess...”
“A-Alright...” Sinclair says, fidgeting with his hands.
Soon enough, Dante announced that it’s time for the weekly mirror dungeon exploration. They notice that Gregor doesn’t feel well, so they let him stay at the bus when everyone else is going with them to the mirror dungeon.
The group starts to head out to the mirror dungeon, but Gregor stays behind. He sits by himself in the bus, trying to calm down and gather himself. He can’t believe what has happened. His mind is a storm of thoughts. Meursault probably has a lover. He probably doesn’t even care about him. And now this... He could be pregnant with his baby. What a mess. All he wants is for this nightmare to end...
He needs to calm down. Maybe going to his room on the bus will help... so he does just that. He washes his face in the bathroom, hoping the cold water would help him clear his head. He stares into his reflection, unable to look away from it. It’s as if the mirror itself is taunting him with his thoughts.
When he looks to the side, he sees something he didn’t notice before... A pregnancy test, ready to be used. How did it get there? He remembers how Faust said the rooms are connected to their minds, providing the things they need, reflecting their states of mind... He continues staring at the pregnancy test in surprise. He doesn’t know for sure if he’s pregnant or not. There’s still a chance that he’s not. He could use the test and find out... But does he really want to find out?
The test sits there, like a heavy burden on his mind. It holds all the answers he seeks, to his question about the possible pregnancy. Не knows he can’t avoid it forever, but he dreads finding out the truth. He’s not sure if he can handle the anxiety, the stress, what he would do with a child. He’s not ready for this, and he’s also not ready to see that positive line. He’s not ready to have his fears come true...
He stares at the pregnancy test for a long time, his mind reeling with all the possibilities. On one hand, he wants to know for sure, to finally have an answer for what’s been going on. But on the other hand, the truth might be too much for him to handle. It would mean a completely new life for him, one where he has to be responsible for both himself and his child... And he’s not sure if he can handle the responsibility...
But in the end, the uncertainty becomes too much. He grabs the test. He uses it, following the instructions. Moments pass by, and he stares at the test. It feels like eternity. It’s like his whole life is resting on this one thing, a single line that would either confirm or dispel his fears. He feels like his life is hinging on that one line... His heart pounds in his chest with each moment that passes... And slowly, the result finally appears, right before his eyes.
Two pink lines.
It’s real - he’s actually pregnant. His world comes to a standstill. It seems like time has suddenly stopped and the world has turned silent. His worst fears are true. He’s pregnant. He will have Meursault’s baby. The test in his hands says so. He can’t deny it any longer. This is real...
He’s going to be a father.
It feels surreal that he’s actually going to have a baby, a child of his own. His worst fears were turned into reality, and he’s overcome with terror. He stares at the test, barely able to process the idea that he will be a father soon. His hand trembles as he drops the test, his knees give out as he sinks to the ground and the overwhelming feeling of fear washed over him.
He buries his face in his hands, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps as he processes the overwhelming news. He can’t believe this is happening, this has to be some kind of dream... And yet there is a test lying in front of him, confirming the truth. It’s all too much to bear. His eyes sting with tears as he finally realizes what this means for his life... This will change his life forever, and he won’t be able to hide it from his co-workers, not for long... Not when they will continue fighting for their lives every day.
...And this made him realize something horrifying. What if he dies. With the baby in his belly... What would happen to the baby? He shudders at the thought, feeling the guilt and the fear surge inside of him. If he were to die while carrying this baby, what would happen to it? Dante can revive him, but what of his unborn child? He doesn’t want to think about it, it’s too horrible to contemplate. But it’s impossible to ignore the possibility. His life is now linked to this baby... And his fears are only growing.
He could not let that baby have such a horrible fate... He should abort, he should do something, anything, the baby will suffer in a world like this anyway- but... What about Meursault? He’s conflicted, he’s terrified of how Meursault will react. He’s already a stoic person. It’s hard to imagine how he would react to this news... Would he even care? Would he not want this baby? Would it only be something that would burden him? He doesn’t want to think about it, and yet he is forced to confront it... His life could be destroyed if he doesn’t do something...
Meursault deserves to know. He HAD to know. He’s the father, after all. And he can’t take away that right from him. He must tell Meursault... He must face him, face that stoic wall and finally learn how much Meursault has been feeling, learn if he truly cares about him or not. He must know if he can count on him... And no matter how scary it is, he must tell Meursault about the baby. For his entire life, Gregor had no one to turn to, not even his mother. He and Meursault aren’t close, but maybe, just maybe, when he turns to him, Meursault will be there to help.
Meursault leans back on the bus seat, his fingers laced together and pressed against his chin. It’s night, and he’s on a night watch as everyone else is sleeping in their rooms. His eyes are narrowed as he stares at the ceiling of the bus, his face neutral. The dim light in the vehicle highlights the angular features of his face.
He is... Quite bored, but the silence is comforting, no one bothering him, only him and the night. He closes his eyes. With no noises in the bus to bother him, he can hear his own breath. His expression relaxes as he leans his head back and lets his thoughts wander.
But then he hears footsteps from the back of the bus. Who is up so late at night? He opens his eyes and turns his head towards the sound. His expression remains neutral as he regards the footsteps, his brows slightly raised.
He sees... Gregor, his co-worker, he stands there looking at Meursault. Meursault’s expression remains neutral as he watches him. He narrows his eyes, and his brows lower slightly. He stares at Gregor for a few moments before speaking. “What do you need?”
“Hey, Meursault, bud,” Gregor says as he approaches Meursault. “I... Think we need to talk.”
Meursault remains still, keeping his eyes locked on his coworker, but he shows no sign of being unsettled. “Speak,” he says as he stands up in front of Gregor.
Gregor looks down, nervous, scared even. “It’s... Ah, how do I even explain it...” he looks up at Meursault. “Look- uh- do you... Remember that time when we... Spent a night together?” he asks, blushing.
Meursault’s expression is unchanged as he listens to Gregor’s words. His body remaining still and motionless, but his eyes narrow slightly as he processes what Gregor said. “Yes, I remember,” he answers. His tone is blank, his voice devoid of any emotion. He looks at Gregor carefully.
Gregor takes a deep breath. “There’s... Just... Something I need to tell about it...” He rests his hand on his abdomen, his voice cracking. He needs to tell him, it’s now or never. “I-I...”
Meursault doesn’t say anything as he watches Gregor’s actions and body language intently. A slight tilt of his head is all he does in response to the man’s words.
Gregor is silent, thinking about how to say it. How is he even supposed to reveal such information...? He’s... Scared, scared of Meursault’s reaction.
But Meursault remains still as he continues to wait for Gregor to speak. His expression remains neutral, but his eyes narrow slightly as he keeps on watching Gregor’s body language. He seems somewhat intrigued, and his stance changes slightly as he shifts his weight. His arms are folded and held tightly against his chest, but he doesn’t appear to be annoyed.
Gregor sighs. “Y...You know what... Forget it... That’s a mistake...” He says finally as he turns away from Meursault, giving up. “J-Just pretend I wasn’t there... I need to go to bed...” he murmurs as he walks away to his room. Meursault probably wouldn’t care anyway, and he doesn’t know why he even tried.
Meursault keeps his eyes locked on Gregor’s departing figure with a blank expression for several seconds. He doesn’t call out to the man or try to stop him. After several moments, he turns towards the front of the bus again. He leans back against the seat and closes his eyes again. He thinks quietly. There was a certain urgency in Gregor’s voice and despair in his eyes. Whatever he wanted to say- it seemed important.
Meursault considers this fact for some time, analyzing Gregor’s words and that tone of desperation. He weighs his words and body language against his own memory of that night. Eventually, his eyes flicker open. He turns towards the back of the bus again, peering silently into the darkness where his coworker disappeared. His expression remains blank, but he is clearly intrigued by the idea that Gregor had something that he needed to say.
He stands up, his body straight, and he walks towards the room Gregor had gone into. He knocks.
Gregor was lying on his bed, his eyes open wide and thinking about how much of a coward he was, but then he hears the knock. He carefully stands up before going to the door, opening it. “Meursault...?” His eyes are red, and it was clear he was crying, but he didn’t care at this point.
Meursault observes him, his voice as neutral as before, and his body is relaxed, hands folded together. “I have some questions.”
“... Okay.” Gregor lets Meursault in before closing the door behind him. He sits on his bed, waiting for Meursault to speak.
Meursault enters the room, his eyes focused on Gregor. He walks towards the bed and sits down, keeping a respectful distance from his coworker. He remains silent for several moments, his hands folded together, his brow slightly furrowed. Then he begins to speak. He doesn’t look away from Gregor as he does so. “What is this that you wanted to tell me?”
Gregor sighs, a bit surprised to be asked this. “I... I told you to forget it... It’s... It’s nothing...” he says, clearly regretting trying to say anything.
Meursault says nothing, his eyes still locked on Gregor. He doesn’t seem to believe Gregor’s claim that it was nothing. He stares at him intently, waiting for him to continue. “You came all the way to me. You didn’t think it was nothing.”
“You got the wrong idea...” Gregor says as he clutches his abdomen. He’s in pain, and he knows Meursault can see that. He wishes he could hide it.
Meursault looks at Gregor’s hands, and he raises one eyebrow, his expression still neutral. But what he sees causes him to become slightly concerned. “You’re in pain. What happened?”
Gregor looks up at Meursault, kind of in disbelief that he cared enough to ask. “... I...”
Meursault continued to stare at him, his expression still neutral, but there was a slight furrow to his brows as he watches him. “I am going to ask you a second time. What happened?” His voice is stern but calm. The hint of concern that he felt earlier remains.
“... I screwed up, Meursault, I screwed up so bad...” Gregor said as he looked down. Burying his face in his hand, he takes a deep breath. It sounds like he tries to stop himself from crying.
Meursault stared back at him for several moments, his expression unchanged, but it is clear that his concern has grown now that his coworker is clearly emotional. “It’s alright. Try to calm yourself and then tell me. What happened?”
“Look, that night we spent together... We had sex...” Gregor says as he reaches towards his night stand, searching for the test in the drawer.
Meursault continues to watch Gregor carefully. “Continue.”
“W-We haven’t used protection and...” He found what he was searching for. He looks at it for a bit before taking a deep breath. “I... I am...” he doesn’t seem to be able to finish the sentence, so he just hands to Meursault that object and... It’s the positive pregnancy test he used earlier.
Meursault glanced at the test in his hand for several moments before looking back at Gregor. His expression remains neutral, but his eyebrows raise slightly. He remained silent for a few more moments, processing this information. But this time, a slight hint of concern and surprise can be seen. Then he speaks, “You’re pregnant.”
Gregor nods. Looking away, he continues holding his abdomen. “I... I am, and the baby is yours, I’m sure of it.”
Meursault takes another few moments to process what is happening, but at this point, his surprise is more evident in his expression as his brows narrow slightly. He leans back, as if contemplating his next words. He still hasn’t released the pregnancy test from his hands. “Are you certain?” he asks.
Meursault’s voice is calm, but there is still surprise and concern in it. “Yes- Yes, I am...” Gregor says, being clearly distressed by this. “I’ve been feeling horribly sick for a past week. I was throwing up, and then I took this test and-“ he sighs.
Meursault looks down at the pregnancy test in his hand again. Once more, he considers this news. It takes a few moments before he speaks. His expression was still neutral, but his voice slightly more solemn, “I see.”
He continues to sit next to Gregor, holding his gaze for several more moments. After a while, he finally hands the pregnancy test back to Gregor. He then looks away.
Gregor stared at the pregnancy test, himself in shock at the information. “I thought that you deserve to know...” he says quietly before burying his face in his hand again. “I don’t know what to do...” he continues, his voice breaking.. “I felt like I should keep it but... Being a single father, with no experience...” he smiles bitterly as he tears up.
Meursault listened to his coworker’s words as he sat still. His expression is unreadable, but then he spoke his next words softly and calmly. “Do you want me to be involved in the child’s life?”
Gregor paused, not believing his ears. “What...?” he asks as he turns to Meursault.
Meursault doesn’t break his stare as he speaks. His expression remaining neutral, but his tone was calm and level. “We’ve been intimate, and we’ve created a child together. That means we’re both responsible for it. Do you want me to be involved in raising them?” He is blunt and straightforward in his words, his voice and expression still neutral.
Gregor looks at Meursault, his tears flow down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe it. He was sure; he was convinced, that Meursault wouldn’t care at all. That he would just shrug the whole situation off, and yet... He asks that.
“Meursault...” Gregor whispers, he remembers their night together again and again, the way Meursault looked at him, his eyes had much more emotions than he ever showed to anyone else, he felt special when Meursault looked that way at him, he felt... Loved. “Would you really... Do this for me?”
Meursault took a deep breath. His expression becoming somewhat warmer, but his voice remained neutral and calm, just as it was before. “Our child should have both parents. I will do this if you want me to.” He holds eye contact with him, but his expression and tone shift. He no longer appears as distant and aloof as he did previously. It’s as if something has changed within him.
Gregor can’t help but smile softly. “T...Thank you...” he whispers. Out of sheer impulse, he hugged Meursault tightly. He buried his face in the man’s chest and started crying. He couldn’t believe Meursault would do this for him, raise a child with him... Despite them being nothing but coworkers, nothing but strangers. He said he’s going to take the responsibility, so he doesn’t do it out or kindness, but... He can’t help but feel comforted.
A small hint of a blush appeared on Meursault’s cheeks in surprise as he was suddenly embraced. His expression was still reserved, though his eyes were soft. He wrapped his arms around Gregor gently and held him close. “It’s okay.” He said softly, allowing his coworker to express his feelings.
Gregor cried in his arms. He still didn’t know how this all would go, how it would end. He’s still in love with Meursault, and he’s unsure if Meursault even cares about him as much as he does. But... He showed that he cared about their unborn child. And that’s what matters to him. He felt safe in his arms; he felt warm; he wished he could stay in them forever.
This moment between them felt almost unreal, but it also felt like everything in this moment was right and natural. Meursault held Gregor close, feeling the warmth of his body next to his own. He ran his fingers through his coworker’s hair, his grip gentle and soft. He didn’t mind Gregor staying in his arms for as long as he needed. He still can’t help but notice his heart beating just a little bit faster.
Gregor gripped on Meursault’s shirt as he kept on crying into his chest, but eventually, he calmed down slowly, but he didn’t stop hugging Meursault. Meursault’s grip remains gentle, his fingers running through his hair, his gaze still soft as he caresses his cheek. This moment between them feels like a dream. Meursault feels a deep connection with him, one that he has never felt before. As his coworker seems to calm down slightly, he softly speaks again. “How are you feeling now?” His voice is soft, calm, and filled with concern for his coworker’s well-being. It sounds like he is genuinely concerned now, not just concerned for their child. They look away from each other for a few moments, but they remain connected. They both have a certain affection for each other, albeit perhaps not love from Meursault’s side. But still, there is a deep feeling of empathy and care between them.
Gregor looks up at Meursault, his eyes all teary and his face wet. “I... I’m better. I’m sorry for this, bud...” he says, feeling ashamed. He notices Meursault has the same look in his eyes as back when they spent that night together, that look full of emotion.
Meursault raises one eyebrow, his expression remaining somewhat unclear as he stared down at his coworker. But he didn’t appear to be angry or disinterested, but rather he seemed to feel something deep within him. He was quiet for several moments. “There is no need to apologize.” Meursault then finally breaks eye contact and looks away slightly.
Gregor sighs as he nuzzles his face against Meursault’s chest. The situation is... Really bad, and it’s scary. But despite it all, he feels like it’s going to be okay. He feels safe for the first time since that night. They will become parents. In just eight months, but... Meursault is here to help him, and that’s what matters.
Suddenly, he feels a gentle touch on his belly. He looks towards Meursault, seeing him caressing him, his hand rubbing the belly in small, gentle circles. It’s as if something deep within him was awakened at the thought of their child growing within. He stared down at his hand in awe and amazement, his mind beginning to visualize the future that awaited both of them as they prepared to become parents. After a few moments, Meursault speaks to him again. “We will be fine. Don’t worry.”
They remained like this, lying in one another’s arms. Gregor needed comfort and support, and something told Meursault that he should stay. For him. Despite it all, it somehow feels natural. They are both felt tired, but neither wanted to let go of the other. The way they looked at each other made it seem as if they were finally beginning to understand one another on a deeper level. Meursault spent that night in Gregor’s room, but this time they didn’t do anything sexual.
The next day, the two decided to talk with their manager. After a work day they approach Dante.
“Hey manager bud- Can we talk for a bit?” Gregor asks awkwardly.
“<Oh! What is it? Wait, tell me when everyone goes to their rooms,>“ they say, they were just ending the workday for the sinners. Everyone was going to their rooms, tired after fighting, but Gregor, Meursault, and Dante were all that remained.
“<Now, why don’t we sit down?>“ Dante asks, as the three sit down on the bus seats. Everyone is silent.
This topic being very uncomfortable for Gregor but... That would be awkward either way, he thought. No matter how they would be approaching this, they would not be able to just break the ice and make it lighter. So he bites the bullet, he takes a deep breath and speaks. “Dante, I’m pregnant.”
Dante looks taken aback as they look towards the two. Gregor looks to Meursault, as if asking to help him explain. Meursault keeps silent, but then he looks over at Dante, his expression soft and gentle, but firm still. He makes no attempts to sugarcoat the truth. “He got pregnant during his off-work hours; the father is me.” He continues to stare at the manager, his gaze still steady and even.
“Look, I know this will come as a shock... And we didn’t mean for this to happen either... We talked about this and I just... I can’t let the baby die, you know?” Gregor sighs, holding his belly, looking at it. “Even if it’s costing me losing this job... I can’t let it die.” ’Not after I have a chance of having family after everything,’ he thought.
“He’s right. We’ve talked and we’ve decided to raise this child together.” Meursault said in a firm voice right behind his coworker’s words. He speaks confidently and doesn’t seem to waver as he looks at their manager. He seems to believe that this is the right decision, and that there is no other alternative. “We are both willing to sacrifice our jobs for this child’s sake.”
Dante sighed, “<I... I actually already know.>“ they said. “<When I was turning back the clock to revive you, Gregor, something weird happened in your body. I could... Feel it’s different. That something was there... I didn’t understand what it was but then I felt it...>“
Gregor is silent for a moment, not expecting this at all, but when he thinks about it... It makes sense, somehow.
“<... I think you two should follow your heart no matter how it ends,>“ Dante says after a beat of silence.
Meursault was slightly surprised that the manager knew beforehand. “We appreciate your understanding.” He says confidently. His eyes are still upon their manager, still neutral but also slightly stern.
“I... Thank you, Dante... Do you think Vergilius will let us have paternity leave?” Gregor asks.
“<I am not sure how much i can sway Vergilius’s opinion but... I do really wish for you two to finally be happy.>“ they say. “<I will... Try my best. It’s my duty as your manager, to support you no matter what.>“
Meursault’s shoulders relaxed, as this seemed like a favorable answer on their part. He seemed somewhat surprised that their manager was being this supportive of this. He gave a small nod of approval and spoke again: “Thank you for your support.”
After a few days of uncertainty, it turned out that Vergilius agreed to give the two a paternity leave. It was so surprising, but it gave them hope. Dante even said that the company will be giving them the money to make it through the day, up until they’re ready to go back to work... Because their contracts still haven’t been finished, they need to come back, eventually.
This was a pleasant turn, and this only served to fill Gregor and Meursault with a newfound sense of hope for the future. They know that they will have to return to their jobs eventually, but that feels like a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. Now, they only had to worry about preparing for their new child. Which still felt so surreal.
They left the bus and said goodbye to their coworkers. Some of them cried, some of them wished them good luck, but none of them knew why they really left besides Dante and Vergilius.
That day, they packed their things, and left to take a train to N corp’s Nest, the place where Meursault used to live before joining the company. This feels like the beginning of a new chapter in their lives. They sat next to each other on the train, quietly thinking about the future that awaits them. It felt more and more like reality with every passing moment. They are going to live together and raise a child together. Not as lovers, not even as friends, but practically strangers that got themselves into this mess.
Gregor thinks about what he heard on the bus. He turns to Meursault. “...Hey bud”
Meursault looks away from the window he was staring out. His eyes meeting his coworker’s, and the moment between them felt slightly awkward. A million thoughts ran through his mind, and he remained silent for a moment. But the silence was uncomfortable, so he finally spoke up. “What is it? Do you need anything?”
Gregor shakes his head. “No... I just wanted to ask-“ he pauses. “What...” he sighs, “Who’s... Marie?”
Meursault’s eyebrow raises softly as he hears the question. His expression hardens for a moment, and his gaze returned to the window again. “She was someone from my past.” His tone taken on a slightly distant edge, and he remained silent.
“...I see” Gregor replies. He looks down. He didn’t want to press on the matter, but he couldn’t help but be curious. Meursault said he looks forward to seeing that Marie, and Gregor can’t help but wonder who it is to him.
Meursault remains silent for a moment. He seemed to hesitate to say anything more, wanting to spare his coworker from hearing unnecessary information. But he felt it would be best to be completely honest with him. After a deep breath, He looked back at his coworker. “She was my girlfriend,” he says nothing more after. He is unable to bring himself to continue saying anything else. He just hopes that this will satisfy his curiosity.
Gregor looks to Meursault, not really expecting him to continue. “Was...?” he asks. He thought she was still Meursault’s lover, since he looked forward to seeing her. He’s somewhat surprised. He shakes his head. He shouldn’t pry what happened between Meursault and that girl.
For another beat, Meursault still says nothing. He gazed through the window, his eyes distant and his tone detached. He seems unwilling to elaborate on what happened.
Gregor sighed, and without even thinking about it, he rested his head against Meursault’s shoulder. Meursault was taken off guard by the sudden gesture, but his face remained neutral. He was silent as he felt his coworker’s head on his shoulder. It was a simple act of comfort, but it still felt strange. He didn’t move, just letting Gregor rest on him as he contemplates their future.
Gregor closes his eyes as he waits for their destination, resting against Meursault. Eventually, after much traveling, their destination draws near. The train pulls into the station, and they stand up, ready to exit the train.
They look around for a moment and spot the sign.
N corp’s Nest.
Right where they’ll raise their child.
Meursault and Gregor enter Meursault’s old apartment. It’s small, but it looks cozy enough. Simple yet comfortable. It wasn’t lavish or luxurious, but it had everything they needed.
It felt a bit surreal for Meursault. He hasn’t been here in years. He noticed that it didn’t feel as alien to him as he thought it would. It feels like he has returned to where he actually belongs. He takes a deep breath and takes in the moment. There is so much he wants to say, but he is unsure where to start. He can sense Gregor looking around, both of them being aware of the silence this moment carried.
“So... Uh...”
“It would be best if you take the bed. I can manage on the couch.”
Meursault says as he realized that this arrangement would be slightly uncomfortable for both of them. He felt it would be best if they would have some physical distance between them, at least at times.
“Huh?” Gregor turns Meursault. “No, bud, it’s fine, we can sleep together, I don’t mi-“
“I insist. Let us at least have some physical distance, even if only while we are asleep. The apartment is clearly made only for one person, so the bed is too small for us both.” Meursault cuts Gregor off. He seemed to feel quite strongly about the matter. He didn’t want to admit it but it isn’t that the bed is too small; it’s that he doesn’t want to sleep next to Gregor, how coworker, a stranger. This would make their situation even more strange.
Gregor is about to protest, but then... He gives up. Right... they aren’t even friends. Why would they sleep together? He sighs.
Though neither is willing to say it out loud, both understand that this was the better decision. This was the best solution to ensure that they had the distance they needed while living in such a small space. Meursault didn’t say anything, and Gregor remained silent as well. They finished unpacking and settled down in their respective spaces. The only sound in the apartment was that of the air conditioner.
Gregor lies alone in the bed. He thinks about the room. It’s... Very very very tidy. Much tidier than what he’d expected a room that had been left for quite a long while now to be like. It was very typical of Meursault; he felt. There was barely anything in his room, no poster or decorations. It was clean, neat, precise... Meursault was always such a tidy person, everything being so meticulously kept. It made him feel so much more at ease to be here in Meursault’s room, rather than the chaos and disorder of the bus.
He lied in bed, trying to finally get some rest after everything that had happened so far. His mind still racing, but the calmness of Meursault’s room helped him to relax... Or at least, try to relax.
Gregor looks down at his belly... Is... A baby really in there? He can’t feel anything yet... Just the nausea and sickness from the pregnancy. He can’t help but wonder what it will feel like when the baby actually does kick, or when it starts developing more. It’s a strange feeling, knowing that there’s a life growing inside of him that will soon come into this world... It feels so surreal.
When he looks up, he can see one photo standing on the drawer. It’s of Meursault and a woman, that Marie he talked about, Gregor assumes. Meursault has his usual face in the photo. His face was stony and cold. And yet... his body language looked softened when he was with Marie... his lover. Gregor felt a pang of guilt in his chest. The fact that Meursault was now taking responsibility, he felt as if he was breaking Meursault’s future with this woman. He could tell he truly cared about her, that she meant something to him. It’s something Gregor had never seen from Meursault before.
He knew he was interfering in Meursault’s life, that he was breaking them apart... And yet, at the same time... For one time in his life... No, he already decided it. With every decision he made so far he had been ‘selfish’. It’s a weird feeling, to want things for yourself... and yet, he just wanted one more thing. Would it be okay if he was ‘selfish’ for a bit longer, right?
He’s selfish for wanting things for himself, for wanting more time with Meursault, for wanting to have his child... And he’s selfish for breaking up what was between Meursault and Marie... It’s a terrible feeling, but he can’t bring himself to care. He needs to be selfish for a little while longer until this baby is born... Until his child is with him. It’s not about anybody else right now, it’s about him and his child. He must be selfish for now...
He wanted to keep being by Meursault’s side because he is ‘selfish.’... No... It’s because he really does love Meursault, doesn’t he? And that is exactly why he is selfish.
Just for a little longer, he wanted to keep up the dream that they were lovers, with a baby coming on the way.
Just for a little longer, to let the dream continue.
To pretend that he and Meursault were together and had this child on the way out of love, out of wanting to build a family together. But that’s just a dream... Meursault is not his lover, and they are only living together for the sake of their baby. There is no dream and there is no future for them as a couple... Yet he still wants to live in that dream for longer...
He closes his eyes and lets himself get lost in the dream, ignoring the reality for a little while longer. Meursault is his lover... He cares for him, he loves him. He’s not just some coldhearted and distant man. The child he carries in his womb is their child... They are building a family together... The baby he feels growing inside of him is their baby.
He doesn’t want this dream to ever end.