Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Andy Herrera flinched at the sound of a woman’s pained screams reverberating from somewhere in the otherwise uncharacteristically quiet third floor of the hospital. It was still early, before visiting hours, but she wasn't there to visit a patient, so she figured she wasn't breaking any rules.

It wasn't until she turned around the corner that she saw the person she was looking for – a lone figure was sitting in the waiting room. She approached slowly, not wanting to startle the woman sporting a blank stare on her face.

“Hey,” Andy tried, softly, but didn't get a response. “Maya, you're freaking me out.”

“I’m freaking myself out,” Maya Bishop replied, her raised eyebrows the only movement on her face. 

Andy turned to face her friend. “Maya, I know it feels like a lot, but you’ve got this.”

Still looking straight ahead, Maya smiled at her friend's words, as if what Andy had said was the most ridiculous idea she had ever heard in her life. “Do I? Carina made it seem so easy, but everything is different now. I don't know if I can do this.”

Maya covered her face with her hands, combing back the loose hairs that had escaped her usually perfect ponytail. It had been a long night.

“I know it's a big change,” Andy pauses for a second at Maya’s scoff, “but you can do this.” 

Maya's body slid down on the chair until her legs were spread out in front of her, her back completely off the chair.

“It's just so much more complicated now. Stella already had a mother, I simply came along and-” she smiled as she remembered the early stages of her relationship with Carina. “Loving her was just so easy, and simple.” She looked at her friend then, her smile disappearing from her face. “But now… I’m a mom, Andy.” She winced when she saw her friend’s stern look. “I know, I know I was already a mom. I know that. It's just, this time I helped create this baby. I was there from the conception, the failed attempts, the hormone shots. I am half responsible for this new life that came into this world, and what if I’m not good enough? I barely know what I’m doing with Stella, why did I think I could do this with a newborn? Why? Why did I let her convince me?”

Andy tried to cover the amusement at seeing her friend freaking out over a baby she had more than planned for. 

“Maya, need I remind you this baby was your idea?” The fire captain rolled her eyes, which made Andy smile. “Look, I know it seems like a lot, but you need to pull yourself together. Your girls are going to need you.” She grabbed Maya's knee, shaking her leg. “You're an excellent mom, and this baby is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, Andy. And please, please, don't tell my wife.”

“Don't tell your wife what?”

Andrew DeLuca appeared before them dressed in his still pretty new dark blue scrubs and pristine white lab coat, carrying a three year old on his shoulders.

“Maya was freaking out,” Andy explained.

“Oh, so nothing has changed since I last saw you two hours ago,” Andrew addressed Maya, bouncing in place to make the little girl currently grabbing the dark curls on his head giggle. 

“And what are you doing up there, probie?” Andy asked, smiling at the sleepy little girl.

“She wanted to feel like a big sister, right Stellina?” Andrew prompted his niece.

“The biggest,” the little girl answered.

Maya smiled adoringly at the child, who tapped Andrew's forehead; apparently it was part of a silent language between them that let zio Andrea know she was done riding his shoulders. The moment her little sock covered feet touched the floor, she ran the few steps that separated her from Maya, who leaned forward to grab the child under the armpits, setting her on her lap.

“And where are your shoes, missy?” Maya asked, tickling the small child that leaned her head against the fire captain's chest, apparently very pleased with herself. “You know mamma is not going to be happy about it. And remember what I told you about mamma? We have to be so, so good for her now.”

Stella nodded before reaching out towards his uncle, opening and closing her fists.

“Oh, now you want them!” Andrew joked, before reaching into the pocket of his lab coat and retrieving a tiny pair of yellow vans and handing them to Maya, who opened the velcro straps and proceeded to fit wiggling feet inside the shoes. They were Stella’s favorite shoes, because they were “the color of the stars”, as she had very seriously explained to Maya on more than one occasion.

“Is she still sleeping?” Andrew asked after checking his watch.

“Yeah, they both were when I left the room,” Maya explained, as she finished securing the velcro straps on Stella’s shoes.

“I'm gonna go check on them before rounds start.”

Maya watched as Andrew disappeared down the hallway, a wistful smile on her face. To her right, Andy chuckled, drawing her attention. “What?”

“Nothing. I just can't believe we are here, after everything that we’ve been through.”

“It really feels surreal, doesn't it? Me, married, with two kids.”

“Us, still being friends. You being my captain,” they shared a smile. “I’m really proud of you, Maya.”

Maya smiled, looking at the now sleeping child resting calmly in her arms, thinking about her wife and newborn baby doing the same in a private hospital room nearby. “Sometimes I can’t believe this is my life, you know? Some days I wake up and I look at Carina, and I don’t understand what I did to deserve it.”

Andy looked at her friend holding Stella and smiled. 

Almost three years ago, Andy lost her father, and with him all the family she thought she had left. She had almost lost ‘19’ as well, but they had supported her through therapy, and a disciplinary suspension, and with a lot of work Andy had learned she wasn’t alone, and it was at that moment that she had started to heal. Her past errors meant she might never become a fire captain in the future, but she had made her peace with that. She loved ‘19’, she loved her job, and she loved her best friend and the family that had grown in numbers just a few hours ago.

They sat in silence for a few instants, Stella’s rhythmic breathing lulling them into a state of calm before Maya got up from her seat, carefully repositioning the child in her arms to carry her comfortably.

“I’m going back to Carina. Are you staying for visiting hours?” Maya asked her friend.

“If she’s up for visitors then yeah, I would love to meet the tiniest DeLuca-Bishop.”

Maya grinned at the mention of the newborn baby who was, hopefully, sleeping soundly in the same room as her miraculous force of a wife who had been in labor for eight and a half excruciating hours.

She crossed paths with Andrew, who was on his way out of the room with a smile and a promise to be back whenever he had a break. She closed the door slowly behind her, holding Stella easily with just one arm, and turned around to see her wife staring back at her.

“Hey, did Andrew wake you up?” Carina smiled tiredly, closing her eyes as she negated with her head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here, I stepped out to call Andy,” she hurriedly explained as she walked towards her wife’s bed.

“It’s okay, I haven’t been awake for long. How is she?” Carina asked in a whisper, watching adoringly as Maya set Stella down in the visitor’s chair, covering her up with the starry blanket Carina had insisted they bring with them to the hospital.

“She conked out a few minutes ago. Who knows if she got any sleep while she was with Andrew.” 

Maya brushed some curls away from Stella’s face before walking closer to her wife’s bed. She leaned over, landing a soft kiss on Carina’s forehead before the brunette pulled her down by the front of her sweatshirt, puckering her lips. Maya was happy to oblige, pressing a few soft kisses on her wife’s lips before she sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing Carina’s arm, moving it around to inspect the tape keeping the iv line in place.

“How are you feeling? The truth,” she rapidly added before Carina could downplay her pain. “Do I need to ask the nurses for anything?”

“No, I’m good. It’s manageable.” Carina assured her, wetting her lips with her tongue. “But ask me again in an hour or so,” she joked.

“You’re amazing. I’m amazed by you. I still think you should have gone with the epidural, but-”

“Bambina, we’ve been over this.” Carina cut her out, already tired of having the same conversation again. “I only caved the first time because I had been in labor with Stella for fourteen hours and I was exhausted, and scared.” 

Maya lowered her gaze, swallowing hard, hating the idea of her wife being in pain for so long. 

“I knew this time would be different because I would have you with me.” 

Carina was delighted at seeing the blush that formed on her wife’s cheeks when their eyes met. They exchanged smiles, gazing into each other's eyes for a few moments before a knock broke the spell.

Carina looked at the door, smiling when she saw Jo Wilson basically skipping into the room, holding a tablet against her chest.

“Good morning, Doctor DeLuca. How are you feeling? Any pain or anything abnormal we should be concerned about?” Jo asked, walking up to Carina’s bed and smiling at Maya as a form of greeting.

Carina rolled her eyes at her former student, now a fully pledged OBGYN herself, but still acting like the Italian obstetrician was her mentor.

“Wilson, you were between my legs as I screamed bloody murder, I think you can drop the formalities.” Maya pursed her lips at the wording her wife had used, but chose to remain silent. “But no, nothing out of the ordinary,” she explained, as Jo put on a pair of gloves and walked up to the head of the bed.

“Okay, I’m going to check to see if you’re still bleeding.” 

Maya got up from the bed and stood in front of the chair containing a sleeping Stella to make sure her view was blocked if she were to suddenly wake up. She watched intently as Jo checked her wife over.

“The bleeding seems to have slowed down significantly. I see the fundal massages have helped.”

“Yeah, those were not fun,” Maya added, still unhappy that she had agreed to take over from the night shift nurses, as per her wife’s request. She had hated seeing Carina in pain, hating even more that she had been the one causing it.

“You did really well, bambina.”

“Well, she did have a good teacher. I would know!” Jo added, as she covered Carina back up, and discarded her gloves before grabbing her tablet once again. “Okay, DeLuca-Bishops! Everything looks great, so I will make sure nobody disturbs you for a while.” 

Carina smiled thankfully at Jo, who took a peek at the bassinet near the bed before leaving them alone in the hospital room once again.

“Thank you for taking care of me. Everything was so much easier and bearable this time around, and it was thanks to you. I love you.”

“I love you.” Maya leaned over, cradling her wife’s face before kissing her deeply. “Thank you for the life we have.”

They exchanged a few more kisses before leaning their foreheads together, lost in each other’s eyes, so bright and full of love and gratitude. It wasn’t long before Stella started stirring, forcing them to separate as the little girl woke up, her unruly hair sticking out in all directions, making them laugh.

“Buongiorno, cucciola,” greeted Carina with a smile.

“Hey, are you awake, awake?” Maya asked the little girl, lifting her up from the chair so she could sit on the bed and be greeted by her mamma with kisses. Stella nodded, leaning back against Carina’s shoulder. 

Carina straightened her daughter’s clothes as she watched Maya carefully grab the baby from the bassinet before walking around to their side of the bed and sitting on the edge. Maya angled her body so a very curious Stella could see the baby’s face.

“Okay, baby. Meet your sister, Isabella.”

“Ciao, ‘sbella.” 

Carina grinned as her three year old struggled to pronounce the name correctly. She looked across at Maya, at the look of total adoration in her clear blue eyes –the bluest eyes she had ever seen– and Carina could swear she fell in love with her wife at that moment, all over again.

buongiorno, cucciola = good morning, puppy

ciaco = hello

Chapter Text

“I’m bowrd.”

Carina snorted at her three year old’s remark. She could sympathize with the sentiment, however badly pronounced. Babies weren’t much fun during their first month of life.

“Non fa molte cose, vero?” Carina asked her eldest, as she rubbed the baby’s nose with her finger, chuckling at the way she would scrunch up her face in disapproval. "È normale, topolina. Anche tu dormivi molto appena nata."

“Non è vero!,” Stella argued back, not believing what her mother was saying.

“It’s true! You were the easiest baby. You were so good,” Carina explained with a gentle tone and a wistful look on her face, reminiscing about her first weeks with Stella.

Carina shifted a bit on the bed, wincing at the tenderness she could still feel between her legs. She tried repositioning herself against the pillows, which turned out to be a difficult task with a baby in her arms and a toddler sitting on top of the bed sheets. Thankfully, Maya came back from her brief trip to the cafeteria. She had returned so fast, Carina wondered if she had even chewed her food.

“Hey, what are you doing? Let me help you.”

Her ever attentive wife rushed to her bedside, grabbing the baby from her arms and putting her in the bassinet  – not without kissing her cheek a few times first. She went back to the bed and started fluffing out the pillows and moving them so Carina could lay comfortably.

“Better?” Maya asked, a hopeful look in her face.

“Sì. Thank you, bambina.”

Carina accepted Maya’s soft kiss before her wife sat down on the bed, sticking out her tongue at Stella when the little girl scrunched up her nose. She was at a stage when she thought it was “gross” whenever they kissed, which happened quite often in their household.

“I saw Amelia in the elevator, she said she’ll check in whenever she can, it sounds like her day is packed. And Bailey said she’s not letting you hide this one,” Maya explained, deepening her voice and trying to imitate the woman’s scowl, which made Carina laugh.

Stella chose that moment to lay back against her mother’s body with a dramatic sigh, making the adults snicker at her antics. She really was a mini Carina, down to the dramatics.

“What’s wrong?” Asked Maya.

“She’s bored, right Stellina? The baby is no fun.” Carina explained, Maya’s grin becoming wider as she watched Stella shake her head in agreement.

“Mamma sayed I too slept very much. It true?”

Maya felt her throat drying up at the innocent question. She had been a fixture in Stella’s life since she was a baby, and for a three year old who still had no real reference of time that meant from the very first day, the first second of her life. It was somewhat of a touchy subject for Maya and Carina immediately understood the change in her wife, so she decided to intervene.

“Why don’t we call Doctor Helm and see if she can bring you to daycare? Do you remember Helm? You like her.” Stella shrugged, her little fingers playing with a few strands of her mother’s long brown tresses in the same way she used to do as a baby.

“I brought you some jell-o from the cafeteria. Want that? It’s orange flavored, your favorite,” Maya tried, but Stella shrugged again. She looked at Carina, looking for clues as to what to do, but she shook her head not having any answers either.

“Do you want to just stay here with us?” Stella seemed to take a moment to think about it before nodding her head, cuddling closer to Carina’s side. “Bene.” Carina caressed her daughter’s face as she felt her shift, accidentally kicking her in the hip and making her wince at the sudden jolt of pain.

“Are you okay?” Maya was about to stand up but her wife grabbed her forearm, keeping her in place.

“It’s fine, she didn’t mean to. Let’s not make this worse for her.” Carina’s tone was pleading, and Maya relented.

They had worried about how a new baby would affect Stella, they had read books about it, they had consulted friends and colleagues with more than one child, but they hadn’t factored in the hospital stay. Stella didn’t seem to understand why they couldn’t just go home after the baby was born. In her mind, it was as simple as going to the store – you grab what you want, and you go home with it. 

Suddenly her mamma was in bed all day, not being able to move much, or play with her, and there were all these people coming in and out of the room at all hours of the day, and there were all these rules about the baby. A baby that couldn’t do anything yet, but everyone was fuzzing over. Carina realized it wouldn’t be an easy couple of days for her eldest daughter, and she just wanted to make things as simple as possible for her.

It wasn’t easy for Carina either, having to rest in place felt suffocating when all she wanted to do was be at home, in her bed. Although, she had to admit she wasn’t looking forward to having to climb the stairs of their two story house in order to reach their bedroom. 

She looked at Maya, who brushed her thumb back and forth over the hand she was holding while her gaze was focused on their newborn daughter. Stella had calmed down, Isabella was asleep and Maya was here, perhaps it was the perfect time to attempt moving around a bit.

As if the universe could hear her thoughts, someone knocked on the door. After getting permission to enter, Andy Herrera timidly stepped inside the room smiling widely at the family inside.

“¡Hola, familia! May I come in?” 

Carina grinned at seeing their friend, whom she knew had been waiting somewhere in this hospital for a while until she was allowed to visit. Stella was already up on her knees and ready to crawl over her mother’s legs if needed so she could get to one of her favorite people, a stark contrast to how tired she had been when she had seen her tía earlier. 

Thankfully, Maya lifted her up before the little girl could get any ideas, and let her down from the bed so she could run to Andy, who swooped her up before kissing her cheek.

“Carina, how are you feeling?” she asked, although her attention was already on the bassinet by the bed, holding Stella steady so she could lean over and watch the baby’s features as she slept. “Oh my god, she’s beautiful!”

Maya almost preened at the praise. Of course she knew her baby was absolutely gorgeous, any kid of Carina’s would be a looker, but she was surprised at the sense of pride she felt every time someone praised their baby girl.

“She just sleeps.”

Stella’s spontaneous grumble made the adults laugh, which disturbed the little one’s rest, making her start fussing at the ruckus around her. Andy winced at having disturbed the baby and moved aside so Maya could step up to the bassinet, shushing and softly caressing the baby’s forehead, something Isabella seemed to enjoy.

Now that her wife was distracted, Carina took the opportunity to test her body, slowly shifting in the bed so she could be closer to the edge. She winced, but she found the pain was still manageable. As she moved her legs over the side of the bed, she was surprised at how tired she felt just by that simple action.

“Hey, what are y- Should she be doing that?” Andy asked Maya, who turned to look at her wife, her eyes widening in fear.

“Carina!”

“I’m fine, it’s actually good. I should start walking around, it will aid recovery.” Carina signaled with her hand for the fuzzy robe that rested by the feet of the bed and Maya rushed to her aid, helping her put it on before grabbing her wife’s waist to keep her steady as she stood on shaky legs.

“Easy, easy. I’ve got you,” Maya assured her.

Carina held onto Maya’s arms as she slipped her feet inside her slippers and tested her new center of gravity. Standing up without a huge weight on the front of her body was now foreign, and she needed a few seconds to get used to it.

“It feels weird, being able to see my feet again,” joked Carina, making her wife grin. 

“How about you start by just walking around the room? Nice and easy.” 

Carina had been expecting this moment. It was clear that Maya was nervous about having her up and about so soon after giving birth. It’s not that Maya doubted her capabilities as a doctor, she knew this, she knew perfectly well that her wife was simply worried and wanted to avoid any activity that could cause her even the smallest amount of pain. She had been like this during the entire pregnancy, and Carina had found it endearing, and very sexy. But she also knew Maya knew better than to argue with her.

“Maya, stop it. I know you’re worried but, as someone who has done this before, and as a doctor, I can tell you this is perfectly safe. Okay?” Carina searched for Maya’s eyes, who seemed to be scanning every part of her body for signs that she shouldn’t let her wife do this.

“Alright, I have ten minutes, let’s see that baby! Wow, hi! Okay, we’re already walking.” 

Amelia’s preppy voice invaded the room as she simply barged in, making Maya roll her eyes knowing she had lost the battle as soon as the neurosurgeon had entered the room. There was no way she could convince Carina to wait now.

“Come, you’re going to help me,” Carina ordered her friend, who was cooing at the baby after having greeted Stella.

“Not going to lie, I was hoping you’d stop being so bossy once you gave birth.” Maya hovered around Carina as Amelia walked up to her wife and offered an arm for her to hold onto. “Don’t worry, blondie. This is perfectly safe. You should have seen how fast she had me up and moving after having Scout.”

Maya sneered at Amelia, as if that was supposed to help her feel better about the idea of her wife walking around the hospital just after giving birth sans epidural. Carina cupped her cheek with her free hand and kissed her chastely on the lips.

“We’ll be right outside, bambina.”

Amelia walked at a glacial pace, remembering how her body had felt after her own birthing experience, wanting to give Carina a chance to set a pace she was comfortable with. Soon they were out the door, smiling at the medical personnel they passed on their way down the corridor.

“How are you really doing? Any pain? Excessive bleeding?” Carina made a face at her unnecessary concern, and Amelia just smiled, glad her friend was feeling alright. “How was it the second time around?”

“Wonderful,” Carina spoke with a wistful tone, smiling as she thought back to the experience. “In a way it was so much easier, having Maya there. Don’t get me wrong, having Andrea the first time around was great, but-”

“Yeah. For me Bailey was a great birthing partner but it’s not the same,” Amelia added, a twinge of sadness in her voice when recalling her own birthing experience as they continued their slow walk.

“It’s not the same,” Carina agreed. “I just wish Maya would stop worrying so much, it’s like she forgets I’ve already done this before. And that, on top of that, I'm an OB!”

Amelia laughed at the frustration in her friend’s voice. She loved giving Maya crap and Carina’s pregnancy had been the perfect excuse to rile up the fire captain whenever they were in the same room, but she had to give Maya credit for having been a wonderful partner throughout the pregnancy.

It had taken Amelia a while to get over her own personal grudge after the ghosting episode years ago. Having witnessed firsthand her friend’s pain and devastation over losing the fire captain like that, she wasn’t willing to easily forgive her. She was a Shepherd after all, and Shepherds are world champs at holding grudges. Plus Maya’s reaction to her was always delightful, a mix of fear and annoyance that Amelia found immensely entertaining.

“Well, you have to remember it might not be your first rodeo, but it is hers. And she loves you. Very much. It’s kind of disgusting, actually, and it makes me hate my life a little bit.”

Carina chuckled at her friend's self-deprecating words. Amelia was doing a wonderful job at distracting her, however the physical exertion was catching up to her and she felt ready to get back in bed. She turned around and the neurosurgeon understood they were to walk back to her room.

They thanked the orderly coming out of Carina’s room with bunched up sheets in his hands, indicating that her bedding had been changed and the doctor would be able to take a nap in clean sheets. However, all thoughts of taking a nap flew out the window as soon as they entered the room.

Carina blinked slowly at the scene unfolding before her eyes: a giggling Stella was holding onto Maya’s neck as she did pushups in front of Andy Herrera, who was also doing pushups. 

Amelia smiled in amusement, pushing her tongue against her cheek. She took her phone out of her scrubs pocket and started recording the scene, trying to keep her hands steady as she held back her laughter. “Priceless,” she said out loud, making the firefighters stop mid pushup and stare at them dumbfounded at getting caught.

“She made me!” Maya exclaimed. as she scrambled to get to her feet without dropping Stella, who just continued to laugh.

“Me? You’re the one who said I was getting complacent without you at the station!”

“And then you said-”

“Enough!” Carina’s voice cut the bickering at once. She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hand, feeling the first stirrings of a headache. “I have to feed Isabella, and I need to take a nap. Anyone who isn’t my wife, or my child, out!”

Andy hurried to grab her things and bid her goodbyes barely beating Amelia, who decided to chance one last glance at the baby she hadn’t had time to hold yet, before scrambling out of the room.

Maya helped Carina get back on the bed and wheeled the bassinet closer so she could hand the baby to her wife, eager to witness their daughter’s second feeding. 

“I wanna see!” Stella asked, her arms extended in Maya’s direction.

Once they were all comfortably set in the small bed, Carina opened her gown and held her breast to the baby’s pouty lips, grinning when she latched and started sucking energetically. Carina closed her eyes when she felt her wife’s lips on her temple, and gravitated closer to the warm body holding her up, as she allowed Maya’s soft voice answering Stella’s every question to lull her to sleep.

Having a baby with Maya Bishop? Definitely much, much better.

Non fa molte cose, vero = she doesn't do much, right?

È normale, topolina. Anche tu dormivi molto appena nata = It's normal, little mouse. You slept a lot after being born, too.

Non è vero! = it's not true!

Hola, familia = hello, family

tía = aunt

Chapter Text

Carina sighed as she felt her body relax into her mattress. Casa, dolce casa. She closed her eyes as she let the familiar smells invade her nostrils, basking in the feeling of safety and comfort that their bedroom always brought her.

She had never been particularly attached to any apartment before, not even the one where she had decided to settle once in Seattle, where she had planned to become a mother, where Maya had moved in with them. But the moment they had moved into this house, a month before their wedding, Carina knew she had finally found her home, her safe place. Four walls, a roof and the most important people in her life, a life that now included a new member.

Carina burrowed further into the pillows and crossed her arms over her abdomen, she had grown accustomed to hugging her pregnant belly and the sensation felt foreign now. She knew she would get used to having a flat stomach again, like it happened the first time, but it would take some time. 

The pitter-patter of small feet running around, and the faint sound of Maya's voice somewhere in the house made her smile. When she had first imagined being a mother, she saw herself as a single mom, in her two-bedroom apartment, facing the world alone but happy to have fulfilled one of her dreams. She couldn't have imagined she’d meet the love of her life a year later, when her daughter was still a baby, and that together they would plan for a second one soon after. 

Sometimes she wondered what life would have been like if she had waited to get pregnant, if she had met Maya before making up her mind. Would they have made it? Would they have planned to have children? 

Carina liked to think that they would have met, eventually, sometimes she can feel it in her bones that she was made for Maya. But the reality is that, had Andrea not dropped Stella at Maya's firehouse in desperate need of Ben Warren’s help, they might have never met, or at least not when they did. And Maya might have never wanted children – she had confessed as much to Carina. As she heard Stella's breathless laughter coming up the stairs, she knew things were just the way they were meant to be. 

The bedroom door creeped open slowly, and Carina opened one eye to see Maya enter the room with a baby in her arms, and a three year old on her back, small arms wrapped around her neck. This, right here, was a life far more perfect than she had ever imagined she would have the privilege of experiencing.

“Are you awake? Isabella is fussy, I think she's hungry.”

Carina smiled at the hesitancy in Maya's voice, as if she would ever deny their daughter nourishment, no matter how exhausted she was. She knew Maya just didn't want to disturb her, but right now that was Carina's main job: feeding their newborn daughter.

She sat up against the headboard and started undoing her blouse as Maya let Stella flop down on the bed first before handing over the baby and crawling to sit to Carina’s right. Maya hadn't missed one single feeding since Isabella had been born, and clearly she didn't plan on doing so any time soon.

“Is everything unpacked?”

“I took care of everything. I got the laundry going, and Stella and I made a grocery list that needs your okay before I send it to Jack,” Maya explained, feeling accomplished.

“Why is Jack buying our groceries?” Carina asked with a frown. “I don’t trust him to pick a flattering cologne, much less the right kind of cheese” she complained, rearranging Isabella so she wouldn't pull so hard at her nipple.

“Hey, it was either him or Montgomery, and there was no way Hughes wouldn't tag along. I figured you were too tired to deal with both of them right now.”

Carina smiled adoringly at her wife before leaning over and resting her head over her shoulder. It was then that she realized how quiet Stella was. She looked at her daughter, settled against Maya's other side.

“What's the matter, tesoro?”

“Baby eats a lot,” the little girl said, matter of fact.

“She does!” Maya said. “She needs lots of mamma's milk to grow big and strong like her sister.” Stella smiled shyly at that, burrowing further into Maya's body, receiving a kiss on the top of her head.

“You ate a lot too. Sometimes I had to feed you extra milk so you would go to sleep.” 

A small frown adorned Stella’s forehead as she processed what her mother was saying. She looked up at Maya. “That true?,” she asked innocently.

Maya opened and closed her mouth a few times before turning to Carina for help.

“Sure is. How did you think you got this big, cucciola?” 

Isabella’s mouth got detached from the nipple, causing her to start whimpering. Carina laughed at her impatience, moving her around so she could attach to her other breast to continue feeding. 

“I can't believe this is real. That she's here.” Maya's voice is filled with awe as she stares at her daughter suckling on her wife's breast. “You're so beautiful. Both of you.”

Carina smiled adoringly at her wife before leaning over to capture her lips in a series of soft kisses. Stella's loud sigh of frustration at witnessing yet another moment of affection made them laugh, their lips still connected. They rubbed their noses when they separated, grinning widely at the happiness they felt in that moment. That's when Isabella decided she was done, smacking her lips loudly as she closed her eyes again, enjoying the feeling of a full belly.

Maya scooted off the bed so she could grab Isabella and bring her to the nursery to burp her and change her diaper, leaving Stella and Carina in their bed, hopefully ready for a nap so they could all enjoy whatever peace they could get until Jack got there with their groceries, or until Isabella required their attention again.

As she paced back and forth patting the baby’s back repeatedly, Maya was taken back to when she had been in a very similar room for the first time, three years ago. 

Isabella's nursery was quite similar to what Stella's had looked like in Carina's old apartment; they had picked neutral earthy tones as well, but instead of yellow for the accents of color, they had chosen different shades of orange.

Before they got married, they had already decided they wanted another child, one they would plan for together, so they had kept most of the furniture that had been Stella's put away in the attic until the moment when they would need to put it back together. 

Maya stopped pacing when she felt Isabella's second burp, moving the baby from her shoulder so she could clean her red little face before laying her down for a change of diapers. She took a peek at the umbilical stump and deemed everything was in order. She made a mental note to make sure Carina double checked at some point today, however, just to be on the safe side. 

She was doing her best to keep it together in front of her wife, but Maya was very much still freaking out internally. She had never dealt with a newborn baby, much less one she was responsible for, and she was afraid of doing the wrong thing, or missing an important detail. 

Of course Maya loved Stella with every cell of her body, she was legally her second parent, but she hadn't lied when she had told Andy that she had never felt the same level of responsibility with her. When they first met, Stella was very much Carina's and only Carina's, and by the time Maya had started feeling like a parent to the little girl, not just her mother's girlfriend, she had been almost one.

Stella had started to ask questions, irremediably wanting to relate to her little sister, wondering if they were alike at all, and Maya didn't have those answers. Every question felt like a tiny stab to her heart. She hadn't known Stella for the first three months of her life, she hadn't seen her take her first breath outside of her mother's body, and she hadn't witnessed her first feeding. If only she had met Carina sooner, perhaps…

Isabella was already asleep by the time Maya was done changing her, she had no doubt succumbed to a milk coma, bringing the fire captain back to the present. As she carried her sleeping newborn daughter to their bedroom so she could put her down in the copper colored bassinet that would remain there for at least the first month, Maya tried to leave her doubts behind. There was no point in dwelling in the what ifs of life, not if she didn't want to miss what was right in front of her.

She looked over at the bed where Carina and Stella were already sleeping, cuddled up in very similar positions, and she smiled, enjoying the warm feeling shooting from her chest to every part of her body. This, right here, is what mattered. Maya couldn't control the past, and perhaps she wished her timing had been different, but the one true certainty in her life was that she was right where she was always meant to end up.

*****

Carina wasn't sure what had come first, the kick to her kidney, the doorbell ringing, or Isabella's hungry cries. She groaned, overwhelmed by everything happening at once, as she heard her wife groggily cursing under her breath as she scurried out of bed, hesitating between going to her daughter or going downstairs to open the door. 

“I've got her. Go see who that is,” Carina grumbled, just wanting all the noise to stop. She looked at the clock on the nightstand and she realized she had been able to catch a little over a couple of hours of sleep, even though it felt more like five minutes. Behind her, Stella started whining as well, clearly unimpressed by her sister's cries. “Okay, okay. Shhh tesoro, stai bene, la mamma è qui.”

Carina grabbed the baby and brought her to bed with her, getting ready to start feeding her. She heard muffled voices coming from downstairs and the unmistakable frustrated tone of voice her wife only used with Jack. She chuckled, trying to imagine what he might have done or said that had caused Maya to react that way.

She felt the bed shift behind her and the pressure of small arms wrapping around her neck as Stella knelt behind her, watching her baby sister eat. 

“I think mom is downstairs with uncle Jack, wanna go see him?” Carina felt the small nod against the side of her head, but the little girl made no attempt to leave. “Want me to go with you?” Again, Stella nodded, making Carina smile. “I need to feed your sister first. Want to do me a big favor and go make sure Jack bought the right kind of pineapple juice?”

That got a reaction from the three year old, who slowly slid off the bed and ran out of the bedroom, no longer feeling clingy. Stella loved organic pineapple juice, but she was very particular about which brand she liked. Getting the wrong kind would result in a very unhappy little girl, as they had learned, so she hoped Jack had gotten the correct one. Carina didn't have it in her to be able to deal with a grumpy Stella on top of a newborn baby literally sucking the energy right out of her.

By the time Carina made it downstairs with a satiated baby in her arms, Jack and Maya were seated at the kitchen table drinking a couple of sodas. As Stella had gotten older, Maya had made an effort to drink less beer in front of her, and anyone who came to visit before the kid’s bedtime had to abide by that rule. Speaking of her daughter, she was sitting at the end of the table with what looked like a new coloring book and some crayons, a glass of juice in front of her.

“Carina, hey!” Jack got up the moment she spotted her entering the kitchen. He nervously rubbed his hands over his jeans as he hesitated to approach Carina and the baby.

“Wash your hands, Gibson!” Maya barked at the man.

“No, you’re right. Hands! Hands!”

Carina snickered as she witnessed the man hurrying to the sink so he could wash his hands with soap, the way his captain had ordered him to. She walked up to where her wife was sitting and started running one of her hands through the tight ponytail. She briefly wondered if she could convince Maya to get a haircut. Carina would never tell her wife what to do with her looks, she loved and respected her sense of identity, but given the choice she had a certain fondness for the way shorter hair looked on Maya.

“All clean,” Jack proclaimed, showing her his freshly scrubbed hands. “Let me see her.”

Carina relented, angling her body so Jack could carefully grab the small baby in his big hands. “Gentle,” she reminded him with a stern tone.

“No, yeah, I’ve got her.” Jack stared in awe at the baby in his hands, racking his eyes over every detail of her face – her long lashes, her tiny nose, her dark eyebrows. He started blinking rapidly, which freaked out the women in the room.

“Are you having a stroke? Is he having a stroke?” Maya asked Carina, a panicked look on her face, as she shot up from her seat and reached out for the baby.

“I think he’s trying not to cry?” Carina guessed, squinting at the way Jack was rubbing at his eyes now that Maya had taken the baby from him. 

“I’m fine,” Jack reassured them once he recovered his composure. “She’s beautiful, guys. Congratulations.” The man sat back down on his chair and took a sip of his coke. 

“Are you hungry?” Maya addressed Carina, who had taken a seat by Stella and was picking a crayon from the box.

“I could eat,” she replied with a smile, watching as her wife left with the baby, presumably to bring her upstairs to nap. She smiled at Jack as she started coloring the picture of a field with cows with her daughter. “Did you get her this?”

“Yeah, I mean, it wasn’t expensive or anything.” He hurried to justify. “I just figured, everyone would be bringing you guys stuff for the baby and she deserved something too, you know?”

When she had first met Maya’s firefighters and had learned Jack had trouble getting over his unrequited feelings for her then girlfriend, Carina had been somewhat wary of the man. With time, she had learned to appreciate his boyish charm and his eagerness to help others, even if he tended to make very wrong decisions when it came to his personal life. Still, she was grateful her daughters would grow up surrounded by kindhearted people like him.

“Did you thank uncle Jack for your present, topolina?” Stella nodded eagerly, not lifting her eyes from the coloring book. 

“How is Maya doing? Is she freaking out yet?” 

Maya chose that moment to rejoin them in the kitchen, baby monitor in hand. “Why should I be freaking out?”

“Oh, you know, two kids is a lot of change. You don’t do well with change,” he explained, crossing his arms with a stupid smirk on his face.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but we’ve been preparing for this. There’s nothing to freak out about.” She explained, her head inside the refrigerator as she looked for ingredients to make Carina and herself a sandwich.

Carina raised her eyebrows at that. She’s not participating in the conversation between Jack and her wife, but she’s definitely not missing a beat while she continues coloring with her daughter.

“Alright, if you say so.” Jack relented. “By the way, did you check your email? We are getting a new Chief next month.” 

The loud sound of cutlery falling to the ground after hitting the kitchen island alarmed everyone in the kitchen, turning to look at Maya, who looked clearly distressed as she tried not to drop anything else. 

“I’m fine!” She reassured everyone, as she bent down to pick up the knife from the floor before dropping it in the sink and grabbing a clean one from a drawer. “What do you mean a new Chief? Battalion Chief? I thought Bruckner wasn’t retiring yet.”

“No, a new Fire Chief. A woman, apparently.”

“Oh, okay.” Maya nodded to herself, processing the information as she focused on coating Carina’s bread with mustard. 

“You will still be on parental leave by then, right?” Jack prodded, not realizing how on edge his captain was feeling right now. He turned in his seat when he didn’t get an answer, frowning as he turned back and looked at Carina, who softly shook her head so he would drop the subject.

What Jack couldn’t have known is that Maya was planning on applying for the position of Battalion Chief once Bruckner retired five months from now. It was part of her five year plan, something she had only discussed with Carina. 

Maya Bishop kept track of the retirement dates of every fire captain and battalion chief in the department, and Bruckner’s retirement seemed like her best chance at becoming the next Battalion Chief – she would have already racked up enough years as Captain, and it was the first retirement coming up.

A new Fire Chief, however, was something she hadn’t expected, and it could throw a wrench in her plans.

Casa, dolce casa = home, sweet home

stai bene, la mamma è qui = you're alright, mom is here

Chapter Text

It had been a week since they had brought the baby home, a week of a lot of adjustments and very little sleep. Maya couldn't remember when was the last time she had taken a full shower, and Carina's hair hadn't been straightened in just as long; something Maya didn't mind at all, she loved her wife's natural curls and she was secretly hoping they would stay for a little while longer. 

However, their appearance wasn't the only thing being affected by their new crazy routine. Stella hadn't been to daycare, or anywhere further than their backyard, since Isabella had been born. At first they were glad the three year old seemed to want to bond with her sister, but the girl’s lack of desire to leave their home was beginning to worry Carina.

They were currently putting away their second load of laundry –they had finally found time to wash their own clothes–, taking advantage of a rare occasion in which both girls were taking a nap at the same time. Carina was folding everything while Maya ran around putting it away, they had a system perfected after living together for over two years.

“I think there’s something going on with Stella.” Carina voiced her concern, causing Maya to stop halfway to the closet, her arms full of sweaters. “She's too quiet lately.”

“She isn't with me?” Maya's infection made her statement sound like a question. She frowned as she tried to recall any big differences in their eldest. “At least I don't think so. Why? What are you thinking?” She asked, now worried.

Carina puffed her cheeks out as she folded the last of their clothes. “I don't know. She seems clingier than usual. She seems to want to be with me and Isabella, always, but when she does she shuts down. I know my daughter, we are Italian, we aren't quiet.”

“Oh, I know,” Maya chuckled, closing the dresser before sitting down on the edge of the bed. She reached out and grabbed her wife's hand, pulling slightly. “Hey. We will keep an eye on her. I'm sure it's nothing.” Carina was chewing on her lower lip, clearly unconvinced. Maya pulled at her hand. “Look at me. We will figure it out, okay?” Carina shook her head, unconvinced.

Maya smiled. It was a rare occasion in which both their babies were taking a nap, and they had finished their chores. She brought her hands to Carina's waist and pulled until her wife was straddling her legs. Maya ran a hand through the thick chocolate curls she loved so much, as she smiled softly at her wife.

“Have I told you how absolutely stunning you look? I think I love you more right here, right now, than I ever have.”

Carina let out a growl before crashing her lips to her wife’s. Her hands cradled Maya’s neck as she kissed her with passion. She could feel her wife's hands on her lower back, dangerously close to her ass, and it was driving her mad.

“It's not fair,” Carina whined once their lips separated. “How am I supposed to wait 6 weeks, when you're looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Asked Maya in a low voice, feigning innocence, before chasing her wife's lips once again.

“You're a very mean fire captain,” Carina complained between kisses, smiling when Maya scrunched up her nose.

So far, the only downside to having a baby with Maya Bishop was how difficult waiting 6 weeks to have sex postpartum sounded to Carina. How was she supposed to control herself when her wife had those arms, and those eyes, and that ass, and she was kissing her neck like that. 

Everything she knew about pregnancies and postpartum hormones should have left Carina with little to no sexual desire, but it appeared that being married to Maya Bishop was the exception to many rules. 

Carina let out a moan as Maya's lips found the most sensitive spot on her neck and she had to force herself to move away from her wife's mouth. “Maya, please,” she begged, wrapping her arms around her wife's shoulders and hugging her close instead, their heaving chests pressed together.

“You're right, you're right. I'm sorry, my love.” Maya apologized, kissing Carina's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around a slim waist and enjoyed the rare moment of intimacy. 

They lost track of how long they stayed like that, basking in each other's warmth; “recharging” as Carina would sometimes call it. At that point, Isabella decided she was done napping and needed some attention. 

Carina rose from Maya’s lap, not without kissing her one last time, and walked over to the bassinet. She made a face when she picked the newborn up and left in the direction of the nursery with Maya following closely. 

As Carina laid Isabella down on the changing table, Maya looked through the drawers in the dresser, picking up a white onesie with brown bears. Carina had to admit, for someone who never wore any kind of design on her clothes, Maya always picked the cutest baby garments.

“Oh.”

“What? Is something wrong? What?” Maya asked nervously. She leaned closer and that's when she saw the umbilical stump had just fallen off. “Oh! That's good, right? Everything looks normal?”

“Everything looks perfect,” Carina reassured her with a toothy grin as she proceeded to clean their daughter. “Stella’s stump took eleven days to completely fall off. Anywhere between five and fifteen days is considered within normal parameters.” She took a second to kiss the baby’s feet before she started dressing her in the onesie Maya had picked, causing Isabella to scrunch up her little face.

“Oh, she doesn't like that,” Maya pointed out, delighted to learn a new fact about their daughter. So far they have found out that Isabella didn't like being woken up, not even for a feeding –”Just like her mamma,” Maya had joked– and that she didn't like people touching her bare feet. 

“No, she doesn’t” Carina replied, laughing at how annoyed their daughter had looked. When she looked at her wife, she found her gazing adorably at their baby. Her features were soft and relaxed, her eyes were twinkling as she smiled at whatever new noise Isabella made. Maya must have felt her yes on her, because she turned to her.

“What?” 

“Nothing! I just love that I’m the only one that gets to see this side of you.” 

Carina’s smile looked as soft as her voice sounded, and Maya couldn’t help but lean over to kiss her wife’s smiling lips, loving the blush that covered the Italian’s cheeks when they broke apart.

“Mommies, I’m hungry.” 

Stella’s childish voice made them turn to the door to see a very displeased little girl with messy hair, rubbing her eyes and holding her white firefighter bear, the one Maya had gotten for her back when she was merely a few months old. Carina chuckled as she walked towards the door, lifting her daughter in her arms and kissing her warm cheek, red from sleeping on her side.

“Do you want a snack, piccolina?” Stella nodded, as she wrapped her free hand around her mom’s neck, holding her bear with the other. “Allora! Andiamo a fare merenda!” 

“Voglio succo e biscotti.”

Maya chuckled at the adorable way in which their daughter pronounced her words, and her enthusiasm for afternoon snacks. She looked down at Isabella, who would be having her own snack soon, so she wrapped her in her soft baby blanket and decided to join the rest of the family in the kitchen.

As she made her way down the stairs, she could hear Stella laughing at whatever Carina was saying or doing to her. If anyone had told Maya Bishop three years ago that this would be her life, she probably would have laughed in their face. Now, however, she couldn’t imagine it being any different. 

Everything felt light, and happy, until Maya entered the kitchen and Stella’s laughter stopped almost instantly. The fire captain exchanged looks with Carina, whose frown let her know she had noticed the sudden change in demeanor too. 

Maya took a seat right next to Stella, and watched as her wife put a glass of pineapple juice and a plate with biscotti in front of the little girl before giving her a kiss on top of her head.

“Do you want anything?” Carina asked Maya, who shook her head and remained silent, watching their eldest as she started munching on a biscotto. 

Carina sighed, deciding to sit across from her daughter. She cleared her throat before talking. “Stellina, there’s something mom and I wanted to ask you about.”

“Yeah, and first of all, we want you to know that we love you very, very much, and that you’re not in trouble.” Maya continued, using a hand to caress the back of Stella’s head. “We just want to know if there is anything you want to tell us? Anything about the baby, or us. We know there’s been a lot of changes lately.”

Stella brought her knees as close to her chest as she could, considering she was hugging her firefighter bear to her chest. Her mothers exchanged a look at the gesture, worried that the little girl was closing up. Isabella chose that moment to start whimpering and Carina rose from her seat to take the baby away for her feeding before she started crying.

Maya’s eyes followed her wife until she was out of the room and she could look back at Stella, who seemed more relaxed now and had even grabbed another biscotto. Okay, that was definitely odd.

“Hey, talk to me. What happened just now?” Maya had turned sideways now and was facing the three year old, who just shrugged her little shoulders, not looking at her once. “Stella, you really aren’t in trouble, okay? Mamma and I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Stella looked up to her then, a pout adorning her sweet face as she leaned over so she could whisper in Maya’s ear.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Carina was trying her best to remain calm. All her instincts were telling her to go be with her baby, to sweep her up in her arms and protect her from anything that might be hurting her, but she knew Maya had it under control. Her hard-ass fire captain of a wife shared the sweetest connection with her little girl, always had, and she knew Stella would open up to her eventually and they could then work together to solve whatever was bothering their baby girl. 

And surely enough, after what felt like hours to Carina, she could hear Stella’s small feet as she ran to the living room and struggled to get herself up on their large gray sofa so she could sit by her mother. Maya followed shortly after.

“Everything okay?” Carina asked her wife, who mouthed ‘later’ before sitting on the coffee table and holding onto Carina’s knees, ready to watch her feeding their newborn as if it was her favorite movie ever. 

“Does baby hurt you?” Stella shyly asked.

“Sometimes, but not usually,” Carina replied, before going on to explain how the entire process worked in a way that the child would understand, happy that she was taking an interest in the baby again.

Maya smiled at her wife’s answer. Carina didn’t believe in sugarcoating, even when it came to her own kid. She effortlessly made every topic sound perfectly natural and safe to talk about, whereas Maya would still very much freeze at some of the questions Stella would throw at them sometimes. She was a curious little girl, and Maya could only imagine how much worse her questions might get as she got older. One day at a time, she reminded herself, trying not to spiral at the thought of her little star growing up too fast.

*****

At the end of the day, Maya groaned as she got in bed, feeling her body become one with the mattress. Who knew being home all day with her wife and two little girls could be so exhausting? At this point, she was almost missing the drills sessions at the firehouse. She heard her wife hum as she got into bed as well and it made her smile, already anticipating the moment Carina would mold her body against hers.

“We really need to nap more. Why aren’t we napping more?” 

Carina laughed at her wife’s words as she covered them both with the covers before laying her head on Maya’s chest, her hand immediately slipping under the soft cotton shirt covering her wife’s abdomen.

“So, will you tell me what Stella said to you?”

“She explained, in her own way, that she felt like she couldn’t make any noise around the baby. So she was trying to be very, very still whenever we were in the room with Isabella.” 

“Because I’ve been asking her to keep it down,” Carina interrupted, before letting out a groan. “I’m a terrible mother.” She rolled away from her wife’s body, laying flat on her back, covering her face with both hands. 

“Hey, no, Carina.” Maya raised herself on her elbow, taking Carina’s hands away from her face. “You’re a wonderful mom. We just have a very intuitive little girl who is trying to process the changes in her life as best as she knows how.”

Carina sat up against the headboard, angry swiping at her hair. “Stella doesn’t think she can be herself around us, Maya! Because I made her feel that way!” 

Maya grabbed her wife's hands, preventing her from flinging them around, and searched for her eyes. “Hey, look at me. Carina. You- we did nothing wrong. It was just a misunderstanding, okay? Stella will be back to being her usual wonderfully Italian self tomorrow, and all of this will be just an anecdote.”

Carina bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill. She considered her wife’s words, trying her best to believe them, but all she could hear in that moment was her papà’s voice in the back of her head telling her she was an idiot.

“Hey, stay here with me,” Maya whispered as she tenderly cupped her wife’s face, having a very good inkling of what was going through her mind. She brought their foreheads together, rubbing a tear-stricken cheek with her thumb. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Carina leaned forward and captured Maya’s lips in a film kiss before breaking away. “I’m okay.”

“Yeah?”

Carina nodded, moving down so she could lay back again, waiting for Maya to accommodate herself so she could lay against her, like they did every night. She closed her eyes and tried to surrender to the day’s exhaustion and to the tingling in her scalp where her wife was scratching, knowing full well Isabella would be waking up soon for another feeding.

Andiamo a fare merenda! = Let's go have a snack! ('merenda' is an afternoon snack little kids usually have between lunch and dinner)

Voglio succo e biscotti = I want juice and cookies

biscotto = cookie, singular

Chapter Text

If Maya thought having both children at home was chaotic, she should have prepared for the added stress of having to bring Stella to daycare and picking her up in the afternoons, on top of everything else. 

She had been right in predicting the three year old would be back to normal as if nothing had happened. Stella went back to being loud, to humming, to running around and asking for playtime and, consequently, she had requested to go back to daycare. They had both agreed to it, believing it would be a good idea to not upset her routine too much but, in turn, it had thrown her mothers’ routine for a spin, and now it felt like they had to start from scratch and find a new dynamic that would work for all of them.

On the bright side, not having to keep a three year old entertained during the day meant Maya had more time to run errands, to work out in the basement, or to simply enjoy some peaceful time with Carina and the baby.

She was currently unloading some groceries she had picked up on her way back from dropping Stella off at the hospital’s daycare, and a couple of additional items she had bought as a surprise for her wife, who hadn’t been downstairs to welcome her home. She put everything away and brought her special purchases upstairs with her, anticipating Carina’s face when she saw them.

She found her wife laying on top of the covers, seemingly asleep, wrapped in a bathrobe. Maya sniffled the air, finding traces of Carina’s shampoo and her body lotion – clearly she had laid down after taking a shower and she had fallen asleep. 

Maya walked further into the room, leaving the items she had been carrying atop Carina’s bedside table, and checked the bassinet to make sure their daughter was sleeping. Next, she unzipped the black fleece jacket she was wearing and slowly got on the bed, inching closer to her sleeping wife. 

Once she was face to face with Carina, she held herself up on her elbow and observed the relaxed features she knew by heart but would never tire of looking at. She lifted her hand to brush a few strands of hair off Carina’s face, allowing her fingers to slide softly down a strong cheekbone, a pronounced jaw, down an elegant neck peeking out of the fluffy white bathrobe.

She bit her lip as she allowed herself to push the bathrobe open a little further, leaning down to lay a chaste kiss between Carina’s breasts. Maya knew her wife still didn’t feel confident about her body so soon after giving birth, so she didn’t push further. Instead, she inhaled deeply, enjoying the familiar scent of her wife’s skin, laying another kiss right there before she moved her lips further up. 

She smiled against the skin of Carina’s throat when she felt the sleepy body of her wife start to move over the covers followed by a tiny mewling sound, the vibration tickling Maya’s lips. 

“Wake up, my love,” she whispered, moving her kisses up to Carina’s cheek.

“Hmm I must have fallen asleep.” Maya grinned so wide at her wife’s sleepy voice that her nose scrunched up. “Baciami.”

And who was Maya to deny such a simple request? She moved closer to her wife, mindful of not pressing her body against any tender parts of Carina’s anatomy, and pressed her lips against hers, enjoying the languid kisses they were trading.

When they broke apart, Carina’s eyes remained closed. She was rubbing her lips together, almost as if she was trying to capture every last trace of her wife’s taste. She opened her eyes when she felt Maya leaning over her body, grabbing something from the nightstand before settling back by her side.

“I bought you something.” Maya presented her wife with an array of flowers, and a box of her favorite chocolates, the same kind they had shared the first time Carina had cooked dinner for them when they started dating. “Thank you for being so wonderful, and for doing so much for our family.”

Carina clicked her tongue, unsuccessfully trying to keep herself from tearing up. Her hormones were still in disarray and Maya was being so wonderful. She threw herself at her wife, grabbing her by the back of the neck and kissing her deeply, catching Maya by surprise and causing her to fall backwards, with Carina on top of her laughing freely and wonderfully.

Isabella whimpered slightly, causing them both to freeze. They waited a few seconds, Carina’s chin resting on the blonde’s chest, not daring to move. When no sound followed, they broke into a fit of giggles, trying to cover each other’s mouths, which just made them laugh more. 

Eventually, Carina rolled off her wife, grabbing the abandoned bouquet of flowers and bringing them to her nose, smiling at the smell. “Thank you for the flowers. And the chocolates.”

“Anytime.”

“Okay, now go. Let me get changed,” Carina told her, moving her hand in a dismissive gesture that indicated she wanted her wife out of the bedroom.

When Carina went downstairs carrying the baby monitor with her, she couldn’t find her wife. She checked the living room, the kitchen, and even looked outside the window above the sink to see if she could spot the blonde somewhere in the backyard. That only left two places: either their office, or the home gym in the basement. She decided to try her luck in the office first.

Sure enough, as she walked down the hallway, she could hear the faint voice of her wife coming from the home office. The door was ajar, so Carina took it as an invitation to enter. She gently pushed the door open and poked her head inside, watching her wife rearranging a small stack of papers as she held her phone against her shoulder.

“I just need you to find out the date for me, surely you can do that.” 

There was a brief silence on Maya’s side of the conversation that prompted Carina to step fully inside the office, walking to the small sofa they had fit against the wall across from the desk. It was the brown leather couch Carina had in her apartment when they met - one of the few old pieces of furniture that had survived the move. She laid down on her back, her long legs dangling from the armrest. 

“I know, I know she didn’t say, Andy. I don’t know! Ask someone in the syndicate, they always seem to know these things.” Maya looked at her wife, rolling her eyes at whatever she was hearing on the other side. “Yes, yes, we’re fine, she’s fine, everything’s fine. Just please, find out the date. Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Maya ended the call and let the phone slide over the desk surface as she let her body slide down on the chair.

“Is everything okay?” Carina asked from where she was perched on the sofa.

“Yes, no, I don’t know.” Maya rubbed her face with her hands before she sat straight on the chair, looking right at her wife. “I’m trying to get Andy to find out the date of the new Chief’s visit to the station next month.” 

Carina hummed at her explanation. “You want to be there, uh?” Maya looked at her, tilting her head to the side as if double checking she wasn’t doing anything irrational. “Are you worried about this new Chief? This woman?”

“I don’t know. It’s certainly not ideal. She’s a wildcard right now and that’s why I want to meet her, I want to see how she sees the future of the department.” She got up from behind the desk, putting her phone inside the back pocket of her jeans and walking towards the sofa. She lifted Carina’s legs and sat down, massaging her wife’s calves when she brought her legs back down.

“You’ll be okay, bambina. You’re an excellent captain, the new Chief will surely see that.”

Maya bit her lower lip as her hands continued to massage her wife’s legs, eliciting sensual moans of pleasure that, under different circumstances, would have the fire captain ready to raise the temperature in the room. Right there, on the sofa, like they had done countless times before. However, Maya wasn’t in the right set of mind and Carina was still recovering. 

Maya really thought she had a good shot at that Battalion Chief position once Bruckner retired. The job meant better hours, better pay, and much less risk. Her family deserved as much from her. 

But now, the timing of her parental leave wasn’t ideal. She didn’t know what the new Chief would think of her being away while the department went through important changes. She actually didn’t know anything about this mysterious new woman in the department, not even her name. She was a big question mark right in the middle of Maya’s plans, a variant she couldn’t control, and that was making her nervous.

Carina’s voice broke her out of her reverie. “I’m hungry. We should order lunch,” she suggested, aiming for a distraction. She sat up on the couch, leaving her legs on her wife’s lap and leaning forward instead, wrapping her arms around Maya’s neck.

“Yeah? What do you want?”

“Hmm I’m feeling like french fries. Lots and lots of french fries.”

“Oh yeah? Lots and lots?” Maya asked, amused by her wife’s cravings. Carina nodded her head enthusiastically, closing the distance between their faces until their lips were millimeters apart.

“Get me french fries, bambina.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Maya giggled before she captured Carina’s lips. 

*****

“Mamma, siamo tornati! ”

Carina shook her head in amusement as she opened the front door to find her brother holding Stella’s hand as the little girl stood with a hand on her hip – clearly Carina had taken too long for her taste to open the door. 

“Presto, mamma! ” Carina’s eyebrows shot up.

“Hey, now! Where are your manners?,” she reprimanded sternly, crossing her arms as she looked down at her daughter.

“Mi dispiace,” Stella showed off her best pout, puppy eyes included.

Carina rolled her eyes, moving aside so her daughter could run inside, no doubt in search of Maya. Andrew looked on in amusement, kissing his sister’s cheek before stepping inside as well.

“Not one word, Andrea!” She told him, raising her finger in warning as she closed the front door.

“I didn’t say anything,” he defended himself, already taking off his leather jacket. “I just find it hilarious that the universe decided to give you a child just as sassy as yourself, that’s all.”

Carina sighed dramatically as she hung his jacket on the hanger by the door, watching as he looked around, probably trying to spot the youngest DeLuca child.

“I would say go right upstairs, but Maya was taking a shower so I can’t guarantee she’ll be dressed,” she teased.

“Carina!” he scowled at the way she threw her head back in laughter on her way to the kitchen. He shook his head and followed her, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt before walking to the sink to wash his hands. “Okay, what are we making?”

“Schiacciata! It’s already in the oven, though. You can help with the salad.”

“You know, it’s not customary for guests to cook their own dinner.” 

He was teasing his sister, really. He would never admit to it, but after reconnecting and mending their relationship, one of his favorite things to do was to cook with Carina. It reminded him of the good times in Italy. It was nice, reconnecting with his culture and his family through Carina’s recipes, their nonna’s recipes. It made the pang of missing their mother hurt a little less.

Andrew started chopping some cucumbers as Carina sliced through a ripe tomato with practiced ease. He would never admit to it, but she was the one with the better knife skills. 

“Did you get HR’s email?” He asked her, tossing the slices of cucumber in the salad bowl at the same time as she tossed the tomato slices.

“About Hayes leaving the hospital? Oh yeah. I also got a few texts from Amelia. She’s not happy about the news,” she said, shaking her head as she sliced open a lemon to get started on the salad dressing. 

“Yeah, Jo freaked out as well.” Carina hummed, recalling Jo had been stressing over Luna’s next check up the last time they had spoken. “Maya is definitely not going to take it well either,” he scoffed.

Carina sighed, looking ahead as if she could picture her wife standing right there. “I know. It’s bad enough that she’s freaking out over Isabella’s vaccines next month. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her we need to find a new pediatrician for the girls.”

And just right then, as if she could sense they were talking about her, Maya’s voice could be heard from upstairs. “Carina! I can’t find my red sweatshirt!”

Andrew bit his lip to try and stay mute, watching with amusement how his sister threw her head back and groaned before handing the mortar to him. “I’m coming!” she yelled back, already grabbing a kitchen towel and rubbing her hands clean.

As she made her way upstairs, she recalled their conversation from a few hours earlier and Maya’s growing anxiety over the changes in the fire department, and what they could mean for her career. And now Carina had to break the news to her that they would be facing even more unexpected changes in their life. 

One issue at a time, however. They’ll find Maya’s sweatshirt first, and then they’ll tackle whatever else life throws at them.

baciami = kiss me

Mamma, siamo tornati! = mom, we're back!

Presto, mamma! = quickly, mom!

Mi dispiace = I'm sorry

nonna = grandmother

Chapter Text

“You’re behind on the reports.”

“It’s only one,” Andy defended, smirking as if she thought her captain was being irrational. Maya however didn’t feel the same way, if her steely gaze was anything to go by. “Right, I’ll have it done before the day is over.”

“You’ll have it done within the hour,” Maya amended. “And why is Cutler with B shift? Who approved this?”

“His kid need- He’s making up for a family emergency on his last shift.”

The corner of Maya’s lip went up in a sneer. She knew she was being irrational, but too many things were currently out of her control and she thought the station wouldn’t be one of them. She trusted Andy, and she knew nothing was terribly wrong, being behind on only one report was acceptable, excellent even, but still.

“Can I speak to my best friend for a minute, not my captain?” Maya sighed, dropping the pen and papers she was holding before lacing her fingers together. “What’s going on? Is this about the Chief visiting today? You are more nervous than usual. Is it Carina? Are the girls okay?”

“No, I mean, yes. They’re all fine. I think.” Andy lifted her eyebrows, surprised by that last comment. “Isabella is getting her first vaccination shots today, and it’s a new pediatrician that I don’t know. A man I don’t know, but whom my wife assures me is very good at his job, is going to look after the general well being of my daughters.” Maya took a deep breath, trying to slow her heartbeat down before continuing. “And I should be there. I should be at home with my wife and baby to drive them to the appointment. Instead I’m stuck here, while on parental leave, waiting for a woman I don’t know anything about. A woman who holds the future of this station and everyone I care about –my career– in her hands. So no, Andy, I am not okay.”

Andy pursed her lips, nodding her head as she processed all the information her best friend had just dumped on her. Maya’s level of stress made sense now, but after many years of working shoulder to shoulder, Andy knew just how to dissipate the tension.

“So… A normal day, then.” Maya squinted at her for a few seconds before chuckling. “Listen, you shouldn’t even be here worrying about this. But, since I know I can’t convince you otherwise, go out there, do your captain thing and make sure everyone is doing what they’re supposed to.” Andy rose from her chair and walked around the desk, pulling the captain’s chair away from the desk to force Maya to stop working. “I will be here, finishing the report so you don’t have to regret naming me interim captain.”

Maya’s shoulders sagged at the same time as a small smile tugged at her lips. She looked at her friend and sighed. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, captain. Now, go!”

Maya was shaking her head as she closed the door to her office. She stood right there for a few seconds, trying to center herself before deciding what needed her immediate attention. She ran the palm of her hands over the front of her uniform, making sure her shirt had remained perfectly pressed, and walked off in the direction of the barn.

She eyed the floor and walls as she stepped inside the open space, admiring how clean everything looked. The trucks were spotless – the windshields looked brand new and there was not a speck of dirt or water on the vehicle’s mirrors. She smiled as she got closer to the familiar voices of her crew bantering as they re-filled the storage compartments of the engine and ladder trucks. She stopped right between the two trucks and waited for them to notice her presence. After a few moments without being acknowledged, Maya decided to speak up.

“Ignoring a superior? Really? I thought your captain would have taught you better.”

Everyone stopped at once, turning in her direction. The small smile adorning Maya’s face grew twice in size when everyone dropped the equipment they were holding to go up to her and take turns hugging her, excitement evident in their voices.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home?” Ben Warren asked with a curious frown.

“There’s a new Fire Chief in town, of course she would be here.” Chimed in Travis Montgomery, shrugging when Victoria Hughes looked at him funny. “What? We all know she’s a bit of a control freak. And we love you for it, Captain,” he added right away, earning a chuckle from the blonde.

“Okay, but I think we are all ignoring the most pressing issue here.” Everyone turned to Hughes, wondering what she meant. “Please, tell me you have baby pictures!”

Maya laughed wholeheartedly as she reached for her phone, puffing her chest out as her friends and colleagues ‘awwed’ in unison when they saw her lock screen – it was a picture of Carina holding a sleeping Isabella, with an equally sleeping Stella curled up to her side. Carina had a look of total peace and contentment in her face as she looked down at her babies, each one of her arms wrapped protectively around them. It was one of Maya’s favorite pictures.

“Of course Carina would still look like a freaking super model after giving birth. Of course!” Joked Travis, earning a few chuckles.

They were so engrossed in the pictures Maya was showing them, that they didn’t realize an unfamiliar figure was standing behind the group – chin up, lips pressed, hands behind her back. 

A woman with a tight long ponytail observed the group as they huddled around a blonde firefighter showing them something on her phone. One of the taller men in the group gave a congratulatory pat on the back to the woman, as another firefighter shook her by the shoulders professing how happy she was. The woman had seen enough.

“Good morning, ‘19’,” her voice boomed in the big space, making everyone turn around at once and look at her with surprise in their faces. “My name is Natasha Ross, I’m your new Fire Chief.”

The blonde woman in the center of the group stood straighter, hiding her hands behind her back as she lifted her chin. Natasha looked down at her uniform and read her rank, surprised to see her there.

“Captain Bishop,” she introduced herself, sticking her hound out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Chief. Welcome to ‘19’.”

“Bishop, I wasn’t expecting you. I was told I would be dealing with Lieutenant Herrera.”

“I wanted to personally welcome you to Seattle and to show you around the station.”

The woman hummed, not letting her face show any kind of reaction to Maya’s words. The fire captain swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to remain as calm and professional as possible – ready for anything. To her surprise, the woman smiled. 

“Alright, Bishop. Show me what the famous 19 is made of.”

Without losing her posture, Maya allowed herself to relax slightly, ready to start introducing her team before showing the Chief around.

*****

Maya regretted grabbing the elevator immediately. Much to her chagrin it had stopped on every floor between the lobby and the pediatric floor; it would have been faster if she had used the stairs. She hurried out of the elevator, double checking the signs to make sure she didn’t go to the wrong waiting room. 

She spotted her wife standing by the nurse’s desk, moving the stroller back and forth as she talked to the woman behind the counter, her other hand moving animatedly. Maya walked up to her, no longer in a rush, and pressed her hand softly against Carina’s back when she sided up to her.

“I’m here,” she announced, receiving a soft kiss and a toothy grin in response. 

She nodded to the nurse Carina had been speaking to, and then bent over the stroller, checking on her daughter. Her ever considerate wife had lowered the blanket a little so the month old baby wouldn’t overheat, and Maya could see she was dressed in a beige long sleeve shirt with a sloth sleeping on a cloud in the center of it. 

“Hi, baby,” Maya greeted softly, not wanting to startle the little girl. She rubbed Isabella’s chest with her hand smiling at the way she smacked her pouty lips. “Sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I didn’t even have time to change.”

Carina’s eyelids dropped a little as she tugged the front of Maya’s SFD shirt with a finger. “I don’t mind. I have to say, I’ve missed this.” Maya’s eyebrows shot up, but before she could say anything, a nurse came out of the pediatrician’s office and addressed her wife.

“Doctor DeLuca, you may come in.” 

Maya snorted at the eager way the young nurse addressed Carina, a faint blush covering her cheeks as she waited by the door for them to go in. The fire captain looked at Carina, who simply rolled her eyes at the amused expression on her face and pushed the stroller into the doctor’s office, Maya following close behind with her hands inside the pockets of her jacket.

The nurse weighed and measured Isabella, which upset the baby but wasn’t enough to make her cry. Carina wrapped her up in her blanket and cradled her against her chest, pacing up and down the office as they waited for the doctor to come in. 

“So? How did it go? What did you think of her?”

Maya took a deep breath, angling her body sideways in her seat. “Well, it’s hard to say, she didn’t really give me much in terms of feedback. She knew I was on leave, so she was surprised to see me there.”

“Makes sense.” Carina kissed Isabella on the head as she moved a little in her embrace, rubbing her face on the soft fabric of her mother’s blouse. “How do you feel about her, though?”

“I don’t know. She seemed okay? Serious, professional. She met the crew, got a tour of the station, and left.” Carina raised her eyebrows, surprised at that. Maya rubbed her forehead, letting out a huff of air. “Honestly, I don’t know what to make of her.”

“You will figure her out, bambina.”

It was then that the door opened and in came a middle aged man with some silver strands on his temples and a kind smile, greeting Carina amicably and introducing himself to Maya as Doctor West. His handshake was firm and Carina seemed at ease around him, so Maya decided to lower her guard for now – she would reserve her opinion on the man until after their appointment.

*****

Isabella hadn’t stopped crying on and off since she got her shots and Maya was close to tears herself. She hadn’t let go of her daughter since they had dressed her again and wrapped her up in her blanket, only relinquishing her hold when they had gone to Carina’s office in order to try and feed her before going to daycare to pick up Stella, hoping the upset little girl would have calmed down by then. As soon as she had detached herself from the nipple, Maya had swept her in her arms again and proceeded to burp her. 

Having gone through this with Stella, Carina understood Maya’s anxiety and she was willing to put her own feelings aside so the fire captain could have this. She knew Maya, and with as many uncertainties as she was currently facing, she needed to be able to regain some sense of control. Being able to comfort her child might help her just as much as it will help the little girl. At least her wife had finally stopped talking about how vaccines might be evil and that perhaps anti-vaxxers were right. 

Whether she had tired herself out or felt comforted by the combination of a full tummy and her mother’s arms, Isabella had stopped crying eventually, and Maya’s shoulders sagged in relief. She put the baby back in the stroller, making sure she was properly tucked in and covered up, and they made their way to daycare.

Minutes later, a giggling Stella ran out the door followed by Carina, the straps of the small yellow backpack Stella took to daycare looped through her arm. Maya squatted down as soon as she saw her daughter running up to her, lifting her in her arms as she pretended to nibble on her tummy, something that never failed to make Stella laugh hysterically.

“How was your day, my little star?” 

“We colored so much!”

“You did?” The little girl nodded, playing with the metal stripes on Maya’s uniform collar. “That sounds like a really good day.” Stella nodded again, kicking her legs so Maya would let her down again.

“Mamma, andiamo a casa? ” the little girl asked, holding out her hand for Carina to grab. 

Apparently they had decided Maya would be pushing the stroller, because the two just started walking towards the elevator without her. She was happy to walk behind them, though. It gave her an opportunity to observe the two and enjoy the sight of them speaking Italian to each other, using many of the same mannerisms, which Maya loved. Stella really was a mini Carina with limitless reserves of energy, which posed its own challenges, but ones they were happy to tackle.

As they waited for the elevator, Maya observed Isabella sleeping peacefully and wondered what kind of personality she would develop. It was still early, but she favored the DeLuca clan when it came to looks, with her wife’s brown hair and Andrew’s green eyes. Carina assured her she behaved pretty similarly to Stella at her age, but Maya supposed all month-old babies were fairly similar: eat, sleep, poop, cry, rinse and repeat. 

Whatever the case, Maya couldn’t wait to see what kind of person her youngest daughter would become. 

Mamma, andiamo a casa? = mom, let's go home?

Chapter Text

The roads were nearly empty, so Andy felt confident taking her eyes away from the road a couple of times to look at the person sitting to her right. Maya had taken off her turnout jacket and the headset, and was leaning her head against the glass, looking far less excited than any of them would have expected her to be on her first day back at work.

Andy couldn’t help it, she pressed the engine’s horn, chuckling when she saw Maya jump in her seat, barely managing not to bump her head against the window.

“What is wrong with you?!” Maya asked, reluctantly putting her headset back on and sitting straight.

“Me? What is wrong with you? I thought you’d be excited to be back. What’s going on?”

Maya sighed, not looking at her friend. “I miss Carina. We had never spent so much time together before. And sure, we had the girls, and we were busy, and running on very little sleep, but it was so… nice,” she turned on her seat to look at her lieutenant head on. “Like, I knew I loved my wife, I’m in love with her. But spending 24/7 with her for two months made me realize I really, really like her. You know? As a person. She’s an amazing mom, she’s funny, she’s light, she’s beautiful… She’s just perfect.” 

“And now you’re stuck with us, who are loud, an dumb, and don’t smell nearly as nice as your wife.” Andy joked, amused by the wistful tone in her friend’s voice.

“So nice,” Maya agreed, her mind clearly conjuring memories of her wife’s smell if the look on her face was of any indication.

Andy slowed down as the engine seamlessly made its way into the barn, jumping out of the truck as soon as she was done parking it. Like the rest of her team she proceeded to take off her turnouts, leaving her pants and boots in front of the truck and hanging the jacket from the mirror.

Maya jumped off the engine and started to take off her pants as Victoria emerged from the reception area, looking around with a frown. She pointed at Maya, silently asking Andy what was going on with her.

“Captain Love here misses her wife!” Andy said, a little too loud, making the crew chuckle. Maya shot her a death glare, which only made the lieutenant laugh harder.

“Does she? Well, then I think she will be happy with the little surprise waiting in her office.”

Maya’s head shot up as soon as she heard Vic’s statement. A surprise? Before she got the chance to ask anything, they heard the tell-tale sound of small sneakers running towards them. Maya’s eyes opened wide, incredulous. She barely had time to squat down before a smiling Stella threw herself into her body.

“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at daycare?”

“Mamma said you need hugs,” she explained, matter of fact, before wrapping her little arms around her neck and squeezing as much as she could, which wasn’t very hard at all but Maya still felt a part of her healing at the touch.

Andy saw Carina leaning against the door that connected the barn with the reception area, looking at the scene with her arms crossed and a soft smile on her face. Andy smiled at her friend’s wife before squatting down.

“Pequeña, you look like a mini Maya!” 

It was then that the fire captain took a moment to look at her daughter, cracking a laugh at her outfit. Stella was dressed in a red and white raglan, dark wash jeans, and her signature yellow vans; her dark curls were brushed back into a tight bun. And the sight forced Maya to take a deep breath, trying to keep herself from exploding – the love she felt for her kid in that moment made her feel like she was seconds away from bursting at the seams.

“When I asked her what she felt like wearing today, she said ‘wanna look like mom’,” Carina finally spoke from her spot. It was then that her eyes met her wife’s, who looked like she still couldn’t believe they were standing right there.

“Carina,” the fire captain sounded breathless. She let go of Stella, who was immediately showered with plenty of attention from the rest of the crew, and walked up to her wife, cupping her face in her hands and kissing her firmly.

Carina barely had time to react, smiling at the force of her wife’s affection, but she managed to wrap her arms around Maya’s shoulders as they kissed a few more times. “Hi!,” she greeted cheerfully.

“I’ve never been happier to see someone in my entire life,” said Maya before kissing her one more time. Her eyes opened wide all of a sudden, realization hitting her. “Where is Isabella?” 

“In your office, asleep. Ben is with her.”

“What are you doing here? Did something happen at daycare? Are you okay? Do you-”

“No, no, no, no. Bambina, piano!” Carina stopped her wife from spiraling down a dark hole containing every bad thought possible. “Everything’s fine. I just didn’t take her to daycare today,” she ran her eyes all over her wife’s face, caressing a strong jaw with the tip of her fingers, all the way to the cleft of her chin. “I knew I’d miss you and I wanted some extra love.”

Her candor was rewarded with another kiss and a toothy grin. They were so lost in each other’s eyes that they almost forgot where they were, and who they were with, startling when they heard Victoria’s mocking tone from the door. 

“Hey, lovebirds, are you joining us for lunch or what?”

Carina giggled, realizing then that they had been left alone in the barn and they were down two little girls. She unwrapped her arms from her wife’s shoulders and grabbed her hand instead, pulling her in the direction of the captain’s office to grab the first DeLuca-Bishop before going in search of the other one.

*****

The beanery was full of joy. People were laughing and smiling, teasing each other.

Carina was feeding Isabella from a bottle – now that she was more used to one, Carina had started pumping. Maya sat beside her with her arm over the back of her chair as she joined in the easy conversation around them, and Stella was currently on Andy’s lap as she tried to teach the little girl some words in Spanish. Between tía Andy and her mamma –who understood much of it and spoke some, having learned back in Italy–, Stella was probably going to be trilingual by the time she was five.

Sitting down with her back to the door, Maya didn’t realize someone had joined them until Montgomery got up from his seat as if the chair was burning. “Chief, what a pleasant surprise!”

Maya turned around at that, immediately getting up and squaring her shoulders.

“Chief, I wasn’t expecting you, was I? I don’t recall having you on my schedule for today,” she hoped she sounded less nervous than she felt at the unexpected visit.

“No, this isn’t really an official visit. I just wanted to welcome you back and see how everything was going now that you’ve taken command again.”

Maya smiled briefly, not really sure whether she should be flattered or offended. Was Ross expecting drama with her return? Did anyone say anything to her while she was gone? She looked around, swallowing nervously. Andy shrugged her shoulders, which told her she didn’t know anything either.

The only reassurance came from her wife, who grabbed her hand and pulled slightly, making her look down at her. She focused on the warm eyes of her wife, her love, her conscience. She nodded, feeling more grounded thanks to Carina’s silent support.

“Chief, allow me to introduce you to my family,” Maya said, inviting her to come closer to the table. “This is my wife, Doctor Carina DeLuca.”

“Natasha Ross, a pleasure to meet you,” she shook Carina’s hand with a tight smile. “And who is this? Is this your daughter, Captain?” Ross asked, smiling at the baby in Carina’s arms.

“Yes, one of them. That’s Isabella and,” she turned around, trying to spot the three year old who was no longer sitting on Andy’s lap. 

“Oh, there you are!” Carina exclaimed in amusement when she felt small hands holding onto the back of her legs. “Sorry, she’s a bit shy around strangers. Stella, can you say hello?”

The little girl waved with her hand, not really letting go of her mom’s leg nor moving closer to Ross.

“That’s okay. You have a lovely family, congratulations.”

Maya preened at the praise. She did have a lovely family, the loveliest. “Thank you, Chief.”

An awkward silence spread around the room after that exchange. Some continued eating, while Carina and Maya stood there looking between each other and Ross. It was getting uncomfortable and Carina decided to break the tension, clearing her throat.

“I think we should be heading home, it’s time for someone’s nap,” she said, looking down at Stella still holding onto her legs. “Say goodbye to mom, topolina.”

Maya squatted down, opening her arms so the little girl could fall into them, hugging her tightly. “I’m going to miss you, my little star. Be good for mamma, okay?” Stella nodded, and Maya kissed her cheek repeatedly before letting her go so she could go say goodbye to Andy and the rest of the crew.

Maya moved close to Carina, rubbing her back with one hand as she leaned down and kissed Isabella’s cheek, before she kissed her wife chastely. “Thank you for coming. It was the best surprise.”

“Be safe, please.”

“Always.”

Ben Warren stopped by Carina’s side, holding Stella in his arms. “I’ll help you get these two in the car.”

“Thank you, Ben.” Carina addressed Ross one last time, “It was very nice to meet you,” receiving a nod and a smile from the woman as she allowed Ben to lead her to the elevator.

Once they were inside and the doors had closed, Carina shook her shoulders, as if trying to get rid of an invisible cloak of snow covering her back. “I don’t trust that woman.”

“Chief Ross?,” asked Ben. “You spoke to her for two minutes.”

“Yeah but, I don’t know,” she tilted her head to the side, trying to put her thoughts in order. “I think she’s going to bring trouble for my family. For Maya. It’s just a feeling.”

Ben chuckled then, allowing Carina to exit the elevator first as he followed her into the captain’s office. “Well, if I’ve learned anything after all these years, it’s that I should trust your gut; and Miranda’s.” It was Carina’s turn to laugh as she secured Isabella inside her car seat and gathered her and Stella’s things.

“For now, let’s give the woman the benefit of the doubt.” He suggested.

“Yeah, you do that.”

Ben squinted at her. He knew that tone. He had been on the receiving end of that tone enough times to know that Carina thought he was being a fool. He knew she had already made up her mind about Ross and her opinion was unlikely to change any time soon.

*****

Maya was typing away at her computer, trying to ignore Andy peeping between the blinds of her office at whatever was going on outside. 

The lieutenant had come into her office with a feeble excuse about confirming her schedule for next week, only to spend the entire conversation looking out the window. Maya had decided to stop talking and to get back to work, and she hadn’t even noticed.

It had been ten minutes since then, and she still wasn’t sure why Andy was holed up in her office like that, and it was affecting her concentration. She deleted the same line she had been trying to type for the past who knows how many minutes, and looked at her friend.

“Are you going to tell me what you’re really doing here?”

“Ross has been out there for a while now, talking to Jack. Jack!” She said, almost disgusted at the idea. “What does she want with Gibson?” Maya opened her mouth, but Andy continued talking before she could say anything. “Oh my god! You don’t suppose they- No, it can’t be. Right? That’d be ridiculous.”

Maya rubbed her forehead, trying to catch up to her friend’s train of thought. 

“First she shows up unannounced, then she won’t even join us for lunch, and now she’s talking to Gibson?”

“Yeah, you’ve already said that.” Maya sighed. “Where are you going with this?”

Andy turned around, a frown adorning her face. “Don’t you think it's weird?”

“Not any less weird than you storming inside my office and spying on Jack.” Maya stared at her friend wide-eyed. “Do you like Jack again?”

“No! No, no, no,” Andy hurried to deny. “I just think it’s-”

“Weird, yes, you’ve said that.”

Andy pinched open the blinds with her fingers and saw Jack was alone. She tried to look around as best as she could, but she didn’t see Ross anywhere. She opened the door and hurried outside, Maya following close behind looking like a deer caught in headlights.

“Why were you talking to Ross?”

Jack Gibson startled, dropping the papers he had been holding a second ago. “Jesus, Andy!” He dropped on his knees to pick up the scattered papers at the same time as Andy did. She grabbed a piece of paper that he tried to pry away from her hands, but she was faster.

“Dean Memorial Clinic?,” she asked with a frown. She turned around, letting Maya grab the paper so she could inspect it too.

“Hey, you weren’t supposed to see that! Not yet, anyway.”

“Jack, this says you want to open a free clinic here, at the station.” Maya said, not really a question.

“Yeah, it’s just an idea, though. I don’t- I don’t know how to go about it.” He scratched his scruff, feeling under scrutiny with both women looking at him. “I brought it up to Ross and she said I need a business model and a formal proposal. I need to figure out funding and everything that I’m not good at. Dean, he was good at that part. I just had a crazy idea. I don’t know why I thought I could do it.”

Maya’s eyes raked over the paper in her hand, holding onto it as she tried to keep herself from getting emotional. 

Carina and her had just returned from their honeymoon in Hawaii when they got the call. A residential gas line had blown up in a cul-de-sac and Dean had been one of the casualties. He had left a grieving firehouse behind, and a three year old that would later be caught in a custody battle between her grandparents, and Ben and Miranda Bailey.

Maya had obsessed over the call for weeks – she had read every report and had spoken to every firefighter on the scene. There had been no wrong-doing, just bad luck. Dean had simply been at the wrong place, at the wrong time. 

“I think it’s a great way to honor his memory, Jack,” Maya cleared her throat, trying to keep the tears at bay as she thought about their fallen brother. 

“You think so?” He asked, sounding far too shy for Jack Gibson.

“Dean would have loved it.” 

Maya turned and walked back into her office, closing the door behind her. She walked straight to her bunk room and closed the door, sitting on the bed and pressing her fists against her eyes in a feeble attempt to stop the tears from falling. 

Dean had been the first firefighter to make her feel welcome at ‘19’. Despite his size, he was the softest man she knew, and he had been genuinely happy for her when she had shared that she wanted to adopt Stella. “Girls are the best. I’m really happy for you, cap.” He had said, a big smile on his face. 

She angrily wiped the tears rolling down her cheeks and grabbed the phone from the pocket in her pants, going straight to the messaging app and the thread she had with Carina. The last message had been from her wife, wishing her a good first day back, and a picture of her and Stella snuggled in their bed. 

She typed a brief message and locked the phone again before composing herself and walking out of the room to continue writing her report.

A few miles away from the station, Carina’s phone lit up with a new message.

From Bambina: You’re everything. I love you. 

piano = slow

topolina = little mouse, affectionate

pequeña = little one

tía = aunt

Chapter Text

Maya dropped her backpack as soon as she got through the door, a habit she hadn’t been able to break despite no longer living alone, and Carina had never given any indication that she minded. She took off the red puffy vest she was wearing and smiled when she heard the unmistakable sound of Stella’s giddy laughter. Carina’s fake stern voice followed, which just made her smile wider. The fact that those were the sounds she came home to now –baby laughter and her wife’s accent– still baffled her. Some days she felt like pinching herself.

“Honey, I’m home!” She joked as she made her way upstairs, adding her voice to the myriads of sounds that now included a crying baby and her wife’s cursing. 

They were trying to ease Isabella into sleeping in the nursery, and that’s where she found Carina, holding a small sweater under her arm and a fussy baby in her hands. 

“Hey, want me to finish getting Stella ready?” she asked, walking up to her wife and leaning over for a soft kiss before smiling at their baby.

“No, bambina. You just got home, you have to rest.” Carina said, blowing a strand of hair off her face as she tried to stop Isabella from squirming so she could see about changing her diaper.

“Babe, let me. I’ll change her.” Maya put her hand on her wife’s waist, nudging her so she could let her take over at the changing table. Carina relented, kissing the fire captain on the cheek before she went to Stella’s room to finish getting her changed and ready for daycare.

“Hi, why are you making things difficult for mamma?” Maya asked Isabella as she started cleaning her. 

Nothing much had changed in the way she treated babies, she would still refuse to use a ridiculous voice to address them, but she has certainly gone softer on them. At least when it came to her daughters. 

“I thought we had an agreement. You were supposed to be good while I was gone.” Isabella squirmed on the changing table, spit bubbling on her lips. “Oh, you think you can get away with it because you’re cute, uh? You know, that’s not going to work forever.” She tickled the baby’s tummy, making her squirm even more, which delighted Maya.

“Allora! Stella dobbiamo andare!” 

Carina sounded on the verge of losing her patience, and Maya was feeling bad for her wife. It seemed like it was one of those rare mornings where Stella was acting up, and Maya felt bad. She left Isabella in her crib again, grabbing the baby monitor and walking downstairs.

“What’s going on?” Maya asked as she walked into the living room, assessing the situation. Carina was struggling to tie Stella’s shoes because the little girl kept squirming, trying to take her sweater off. “Probie, that’s enough!”

Stella stopped at once, her lip quiver nearly identical to Carina’s. The little girl brought her fingers to her lips, lowering her head as her mother finally tied her brown boots.

“It’s okay, topolina. Mom is not mad at you, okay?” Carina reassured their daughter, giving her a kiss on the top of her head before she lifted her in her arms and passed her over to Maya, who held her close.

“I’m sowwy.” The sad whisper nearly broke Maya’s heart as she felt small arms tighten around her neck. 

“It’s okay, I’m sorry I yelled.” She sighed, kissing Stella’s neck before blowing a raspberry there, making the girl giggle, and brushing a couple of stray tears away with her fingers. “Now, you be good for mamma. Okay?” Stella nodded firmly, her big brown eyes boring into clear blue ones before rubbing her small nose against her mom’s, making them both grin. “Okay, give me a kiss.” 

Carina smiled at the scene in front of her. Watching Stella and Maya’s easy bond always took her breath away. She had never doubted Maya would become a great mother –it had been obvious to anyone who had witnessed her interactions with Stella when she was a baby–, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still surprise her just how effortlessly her wife had slipped into that role.

For someone who had never known gentle parenting, who had never been in a loving relationship with another human being, loving Carina and Stella had come so easily to Maya. 

And now, watching them interact as Stella unsuccessfully tried whispering a promise of good behavior to her other mother, Carina felt like thanking the universe for that fateful meeting that kept her at the hospital for longer than expected, and for the multiple vehicle collision that had required Andrea’s presence in the hospital. 

When Carina returned from dropping Stella off at daycare, and after narrowly escaping Amelia’s request for grabbing a coffee before the neurologist would start her shift, she found the house in complete silence. She closed the door slowly and listened for any sign of activity while she took off her coat.

She walked up the stairs, already unbuttoning the cardigan she had thrown over a plain white t-shirt that morning, and went inside the nursery first. She frowned when she noticed it was empty, so she checked the master bedroom next. Sprawled on her back, and with baby Isabella curled up on her chest, Maya slept so soundly that Carina could hear a faint snore.

She grabbed her phone and snapped a few photos, mindful of not waking up either one of her girls. Satisfied with the snapshots, she took off her shoes, followed by her jeans, and crawled on top of the bed, snuggling close to Maya’s body.

It hadn’t been a particularly easy night. It had rained, which always made Stella fussy but it was usually worse when Maya wasn’t home. Carina understood the sentiment, she truly did. Her wife was their safety, their guardian angel, home didn’t feel as safe without her there. But Carina really was running on fumes, and the lack of sleep was getting to her.

She tried to forget about the list of chores she had to tackle, the one she had meant to get a head start on while Maya rested after her shift, and decided to give herself a break instead. She would allow herself a short nap with her wife and baby, and then she would get started on things. 

*****

A muffled sound startled her awake. Carina gasped as her body grew taut, trying to get through her post-nap mental fog. Phone. A phone was buzzing. She looked at her side of the bed. Her phone screen illuminated for a few seconds before going dark again. She rubbed a hand down her face and sat up, stretching her long limbs until she felt a few popping sounds. That felt good.

She noticed the other side of the bed was cold and that the throw blanket they usually kept at the end of the bed was covering her from the waist down. A smile tugged at her lips as she thought about her thoughtful wife. Then it dawned on her. If Maya was up and about, how long had she slept for?

She reached over to the bedside to grab her phone and saw it was already midday, which had her scramble out of bed to put her jeans back on, foregoing her shoes as she went to the bathroom to splash her face. Once she was more awake, she checked her messages, seeing three recent ones from her brother:

From Andrea: A little someone told me you guys were grumpy

                      Emphasis on ‘“little”

                      You’re welcome

When she got downstairs she found Maya in the kitchen unloading a couple of takeout bags atop the table, the baby monitor close by. 

“Hey, good nap?” Asked Maya with a soft smile as she fished the last of the containers out of the bags. “I don’t know who ordered all this food, but there are french fries.”

Carina walked up to Maya, wrapping her arms around her waist and laying her cheek on a strong shoulder. She hummed, closing her eyes as she was still trying to fully wake up. “My brother did,” she mumbled. 

“Andrew? Why?” 

Carina shrugged. “Apparently he spoke to Stellina and she said we were “grumpy”.”

Maya shook her head. Stella and Andrew were quite the pair. 

It used to cause a pang of pain to think about them together and not knowing where her own brother was, if he would accept her family if he knew them. Did he even like kids? Would he be best buds with Stella, like Andrew was? But she had learned to make peace with the fact that perhaps she would never see her brother again. There was nothing she could do about it, except keep looking out for him every time they came across a new camp during a call. And it’s not like Andrew was a substitute for Mason, but as far as brother-in-laws went, Maya had hit the jackpot with him. 

She opened one of the containers and grabbed a fry, turning her head to the side so she could see perfect white teeth taking a bite of it, a sharp chin hitting her shoulder as Carina chewed. 

“Well, tell him I said thank you,” Maya said, eating the other half of the fry. 

Carina moved away from her then, opening the fridge and taking out a pitcher of water and a couple of glasses from the cupboard before she set them on the table. “How was your shift?”

“Well, it was interesting, to say the least.” Maya took a seat on the chair next to Carina’s and pumped her fist when she saw Andrew had ordered them Peruvian takeout: ají de gallina for Carina and lomo saltado for her, with a side order of fries. 

“Jack wants to open a clinic.”

Carina stopped her fork halfway down her mouth, causing some of the rice to fall on her plate. “What?”

“The Dean Memorial Clinic, no less. Andy and I found out by accident,” she moaned as she tasted her first mouthful of food. “He wrote a half-assed proposal for Ross and everything – I think there were grease stains on the paper.”

Carina’s chewing became slower, as if trying to process what her wife was telling. A Clinic? Jack? “And he wants to do this at the Station or…?”

“I don’t know, I guess. Like I said, it was a half-assed proposal. Ross asked him to come up with a formal business plan for a pitch.”

Carina took a sip of water, still surprised by this turn of events, and then brought her foot up onto the seat, grabbing a handful of fries and leaning back on the chair.

“A clinic requires medical supplies, certified medical personnel, a filing system, appointments, a license, a pharmaceutical supplier… One can’t just open a clinic!” She scoffed, finding the whole thing unbelievable.

Maya shrugged, grabbing a forkful from Carina’s plate. “And it’s not like we have room in the budget for all that. Trust me, I would know.” 

Carina ran her tongue through her teeth as she pondered the logistics of it all.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Maya sought her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on in her wife’s head, but Carina simply shook her head. She sighed, dropping the subject for now. “So, Stella was a handful earlier,” she brought up casually.

She watched as her wife’s shoulders dropped, remembering how difficult it had been to get the little girl up and running that morning. She flipped her hair to the opposite of her head before taking another sip of water.

“She had a hard time sleeping last night because of the storm,” she sighed. “She’s still getting used to you being back at work,” she said before she continued eating.

Maya moved what was left of her food around the plate. Learning Stella was having a hard time with her going back to work felt as if someone had dropped a ten pound rock on her shoulders. Stella was three, she shouldn’t have to worry about her job, she shouldn’t have to ever fear her mom not making it home one day. 

That’s why Maya needed that promotion, to make Battalion Chief before Stella was old enough to truly understand the risks her job entailed every day.

Three more months and Bruckner would retire. 

She had been studying, she was overly prepared. She would submit her application, she would ace her interview, and she would convince Chief Ross that she was the best person for the job.

She had to.

Stella dobbiamo andare = Stella we have to go

Chapter Text

On Maya’s second week back, Stella had gotten sick. Carina wasn’t worried. Her wife assured her it was a common cold that had affected a few of the children at the hospital’s daycare. One of the unlucky kids had been Luna Wilson, who was Stella’s closest friend at daycare. 

The friendship between both little girls had been almost logical as their mothers spent almost every day together –Carina had literally brought the little girl into the world– and Stella, their beautifully kindhearted Stellina, was the only kid who had made an effort to learn some sign language.

Maya was certain she would never forget Jo’s happy tears the first time she had seen her mentor and her tiny daughter signing ‘good morning’ to Luna. 

Ever since Luna’s diagnosis got confirmed, and once Carina had explained to their daughter what that meant for her friend moving forward, Stella and her wife had gone to ‘uncle Jack’, eager to learn sign language. This had logically resulted in a close friendship between the two girls, which meant they were often sick at the same time.

But right now, it also meant that her wife was home alone with a two month old baby, and a sick three year old while Maya was stuck at work. Which is why she needed her team to hurry up and finish securing the scene so the fire investigators could take over.

“Herrera, what’s your status?,” she asked through the radio as she kept checking her tablet.

“Floors 2 and 3 are clear. Doing one last sweep, captain.”

“Copy that, lieutenant.”

During the next five minutes, her team started trickling out of the building in pairs, Herrera and Montgomery being the last ones. Maya stared them down as they slowly made their way outside, stopping to laugh at whatever Montgomery had said.

“If you have so much time to spare, perhaps you can stay behind after shift. The bathrooms haven’t had a good scrubbing in a while.”

The two firefighters stared at each other as they watched their captain slamming the engine’s door. Travis looked questioningly at Andy, who shrugged her shoulders and made her way around the engine to get into the driver’s seat.

“Hey, captain, you alright?” Andy asked her friend the moment she put on her headset.

“Drive, Herrera. I don’t have all day.”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The ride back to the station was silent and Maya hadn’t given them any orders on arrival, going straight to her office and closing the door behind her. It appeared their captain’s mood had infected everyone, as they cleaned their equipment in complete silence.

In the captain’s office, Maya had gone straight to where she had left her personal phone –she had rushed out the door as soon as the klaxon went off and she had forgotten it on her desk– and frowned when there were no new messages from Carina, who would usually text her several times during her shift, especially if she was home.

She checked her smartwatch and realized she still had forty minutes left of shift. She took off her turnout pants, leaving them bunched up on the floor by her desk, and sat down at the computer to start writing the incident report for the last call. She was able to work uninterrupted for twenty minutes before a knock on the door interrupted her. 

Ben Warren timidly made his way inside, almost as if he was afraid of getting yelled at.

“Yes, Warren?,” Maya prompted, not looking away from her computer screen while the man worked up the courage to speak.

“So, Miranda is trying to get in touch with Carina, but she’s not picking up.” This got Maya’s attention, who looked at him with a worried expression. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” He saw the flash of panic taking over his captain’s face and he tried to diffuse the situation. “She just wanted to know if you guys wanted to have dinner some time this week.”

Maya sighed, her fingers flying over her phone as she fired a quick text to her wife.

“Stella is sick, so it’s hard to say.”

“Ah, yes. Pru was down for the count last week,” he smiled but it wasn’t returned by his captain, who was staring at her phone as if willing it to go off. “Is that why you’re…”

“Anything else?”

Anyone else would have cowered at Maya’s icy tone, but Warren was an incredibly patient and understanding person. He stood his ground, nodding his head as if he could read her like a book – something that usually made the fire captain nervous.

“I remember the first time Tuck was sick after I moved in. I was terrified. His mom is a surgeon, I was… well, not a surgeon yet, but still. It was terrifying.” He smiled when he saw Maya’s body sag as she reclined on her chair. “That feeling? That pressure in your chest and your throat? That’s not going away. Ever.”

“It’s awful,” she scoffed. “Stella’s been sick before but-”

“But now there’s another baby,” he interjected.

“Yes, and Carina is alone with both of them. She’s tired all the time, and she’s just-  She’s a saint. My wife is a saint and I feel so guilty? That I get to go to work, that I get to leave the house while she stays home, tired, and alone.”

“Hey, she’s not alone. She’s got you,” he reassured her. “And you guys have a village that would move heaven and earth for your little girls. Just say the word.”

Maya smiled at her friend, feeling less on edge now that her anxious state had been somehow validated by someone who knew exactly what she was going through. She supposed she would need to apologize to her crew, perhaps in the form of bagels on their next shift. But that was a problem for future Maya. Right now, she just needed to wait ten more minutes and hope no calls would delay her return home.

*****

After some convincing, Carina had agreed that morning that Maya would pick up dinner on her way home after work so she wouldn’t have to cook after taking care of both girls all day, which is why Maya was carrying a box for a large pizza –half four cheese and anchovies, half pepperoni– and a serving of mozzarella sticks as she crossed the threshold of her home.

She kicked off her shoes and dropped her backpack by the door, moving into the kitchen to leave the food on the table before climbing the stairs to the second floor, eager to make sure Carina and the kids were okay after not being able to reach her wife all day.

She was about to call out her wife’s name, when the sight in front of her made her stop all movement. Carina was cradling a visibly tired Stella in her arms, swaying from side to side as she softly sang a very familiar Italian song. Stella’s little arms were hanging limp, her cheek laying completely on her mother’s shoulder as she breathed through her mouth. Carina’s eyes were closed as she continued singing the comforting words she knew by heart.

Maya leaned against the door frame, legs and arms crossed as she studied her wife. 

When they first started dating, Carina had confessed during one of their date nights that for the longest time she hadn’t allowed herself to dream of becoming a mother, forever cursed with the irremediable need to help the men in her life – first her father, then her little brother. That it wasn’t until Andrea had finally accepted his illness, that she could finally entertain dreams of her own. Dreams of being a mom, of carrying life, of moments like this. 

Intelligent, resourceful, nurturing, strong… Carina was meant to be a mother, just like she had been meant to be a brilliant and skillful doctor. The easy way in which she comforted their children, the content look on her face as she cradled their little girl, irrefutable evidence of that. It took Maya’s breath away.

Stella’s breath sounded deep now, a sign that she had fallen asleep, but Carina kept singing, the same tune Maya knew her wife would sing to her little brother to shield him from their parents' arguing, to protect him from a world that would hurt his gentle heart at such a young age.

“Hey,” Maya greeted softly once Carina had stopped singing, trying not to startle her wife.

“Maya.”

The way she said her name was all Maya needed to know just how overwhelmed her wife was feeling, how incredibly exhausted she was. Her heart broke at the sight of Carina clinging to Stella’s small body, as if she would break down the moment she could no longer feel the weight against her chest.

“Let me put her to bed, my love. Go lay down.”

Maya crossed the small distance between them and reached out, carefully scooping Stella into her arms and witnessing how her wife’s entire body sagged the moment she was free. 

She was about to say more, she wanted to offer some comforting words, but Isabella chose that moment to start crying. Carina threw her head back, her hands settling on her waist as she tried to hold back tears. She was already out the door before Maya could even offer to go.

She carefully laid Stella in bed and tucked her in making sure her firefighter bear, the one Maya had gotten her the first time she had been to Carina’s apartment, was by her side. She laid a kiss on a sweaty forehead and walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar so they could listen for her. 

When she went to the nursery, she found Carina feeding their daughter in the rocking chair – her head resting on the back of the chair and her eyes closed. Maya wondered if her wife had pumped today, or if maybe she had been too exhausted to go downstairs to prepare a bottle.

She took a deep breath, leaving her wife and baby by themselves and going to the bathroom instead. 

She started going through the baskets where they kept their bathroom supplies, finding her wife’s favorite bath oil and the softest towels they owned. She started to fill the tub with hot water, the way Carina liked it, and dimmed the lights – a small request Carina had asked for when they first moved in and decided to renovate the bathroom so it would suit their taste and needs better.

When she went back to the nursery, Carina was fixing her shirt so Maya took the opportunity to walk up to her and grab Isabella, immediately holding her against her shoulder.

“I drew you a bath. Go relax for a bit, you deserve some time to yourself.”

“Bambina.”

“You have done enough for today, I’m here now. Go.”

Carina’s chin quivered for a second before she grabbed her wife’s face with both hands and kissed her firmly, smiling at the cocky grin Maya was sporting when they broke apart.

“Don’t look so smug,” Carina teased, pointing at her with her index finger, giggling when her wife tried to playfully bite the tip of it.

Maya shook her head with a smile as she watched her wife walk away. She kept burping Isabella, sending a silent prayer that she wouldn’t be covered in baby vomit since she had forgotten to grab a burping rag. 

Thankfully she didn’t. Isabella let the air out and Maya’s denim jacket remained intact.

“Oh, that was a big one,” she cooed.

Maya kissed her baby’s chubby cheek repeatedly, bouncing her slightly as she reached for the phone in the back pocket of her jeans. She opened the Grey’s groupchat she kept with Carina’s friends from the hospital, and sent a message requesting a favor, wondering which one of them would be up to the task.

She put the phone in the pocket of her jacket and moved Isabella so she was now cradling her in her arms. Maya looked down at her daughter, who seemed to be looking around the room before she squinted up at her, a small hand reaching to touch Maya’s chin. The fire captain smiled, pretending to bite Isabella’s fingers with her lips. She brought her face close to the baby’s head, inhaling the wonderful clean scent of her skin before she laid a kiss on a wrinkly forehead.

“Are you looking for mamma? Sorry, kid. You’re stuck with me for a while,” Isabella grunted, almost sounding displeased by the news. “I know, I know. It’s just not the same, is it? Mamma is pretty awesome. The best.”

Maya’s phone vibrated a couple of times in her pocket. When she opened her notifications, she saw the eager reply from one of Carina’s friends. Pleased with the turn of events, she sent a quick thank you and locked her phone again, bringing her attention back to the baby in her arms and hoping her wife was enjoying her bath.

Chapter Text

“She’s so sweet.”

Teddy had showed up around 9 am with takeaway coffee and an eager smile that had made Maya’s eyebrow twitch when she had opened the door. After checking on Stella and agreeing with Carina’s medical assessment, the chief of surgery had convinced her friend to take a walk with her. Carina had been reluctant at first, but Maya had assured her she would be fine alone with the girls for a couple of hours.

That’s how Carina and Teddy ended up taking a stroll through a park a couple of blocks away from their house. 

“She is a very easy baby,” Carina agreed, smiling at the thought of her youngest daughter.

“So how are you doing? Overwhelmed yet? I bet you’re ready to go back to work,” Teddy inquired.

Carina hummed, taking a second to ponder her answer. Was she really ready to go back to work? She had to confess she missed the hospital, the challenging cases, seeing Andrea almost every day… But it’s not like she wasn’t happy at home, with the girls. 

“Yes and no,” Carina tilted her head to the side as she spoke. “I do miss working on patients, but I am very happy at home. I’m going to miss being able to nap whenever I want, though.” 

“Oh that’s never happening again, trust me! Before you know it, both kids are running, and playing, which also means fighting. So much fighting!” Carina frowned at Teddy’s exasperated tone. “And then your husband, your military husband who is supposed to like order, and discipline, just cracks open a cold one, and sits on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, while you run after two toddlers with scissors and permanent markers. And you begin to wonder, where did I go wrong? Was this really the life I wanted? Or did I lose myself so he could have the life he wanted?”

Carina tightened her lips to keep herself from saying anything. Clearly Teddy had a lot to get off her chest, and she really didn’t want to get involved in her personal drama. She had spent years avoiding the drama around Owen Hunt and his multiple failed marriages, which hadn’t been easy considering she was friends with his ex-wife and his current wife. A wife that was turning a stroll through the park into her own private therapy session. 

“You know what I mean, right?”

Carina opened her mouth before closing it again. She shrugged her shoulders, looking a bit guilty that she didn’t share her friend’s experience as far as raising two children went. And definitely not when it comes to partners. Maya was nothing if not present, and thoughtful, and so patient.

“Teddy, I don’t want to pry, but it sounds like you have some stuff bottled up that you should discuss with Owen.”

They stopped walking then, the cardiac surgeon taking a moment to let her friend’s words sink in. She looked at Carina, squinting as the sun hit her eyes directly.

“I’m sorry. I convinced you to come take a walk, to help you take a break from everything, and here I am dumping all this stuff on you. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no! It’s okay. I’m here for you, okay? We’re good.” 

Teddy smiled softly at her and Carina pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back as they pulled each other tighter before letting go.

“Alright, I think that’s enough trauma dumping for today,” Teddy hooked her arm with her friend’s and started walking in the direction they had come from. “Now, tell me all about how wonderful Maya has been.”

* * * *

“I would tell you if I knew, but I don’t. So, can I count on you? Thank you, that’s all I wanted to know.”

Maya locked her phone again, letting it down on the kitchen table as she expertly balanced Stella on her left arm. She had been clingy all morning and Maya had a suspicion that it had something to do with the fact that Carina wasn’t back yet from her outing with Teddy.

So Maya had changed Stella’s pyjamas, wrapped her in her fuzzy yellow robe, and had brought her downstairs with her to do some cleaning. She figured carrying a three year old in her arms as she moved stuff around constituted a work out, and it brought her daughter some comfort, so it was a win for everyone.

“Do you feel like eating anything? Some yogurt, maybe?” Stella shook her head, making Maya sigh. “You have to eat something so you can get over this cold, baby.”

“Mamma says my moon system is fighting the cold,” she said before coughing.

Maya winced as she felt droplets of saliva hit her neck – oh, the joys of motherhood. Leave it to Carina to explain to their daughter how the immune system works. How was she going to convince her to eat anything now?

“And mamma is correct, of course! But, your immune system needs you to eat so it can be strong, and fight the cold faster. And we do want to fight this cold, don’t we?”

Stella nodded against her mother’s neck, coughing once more.

“How about an omelette? That’s good protein.”

“Con parmigiano.”

Maya pursed her lips. Carina was pretty strict about how Italian cheeses should be used, but she was also pretty permissive when it came to their kid, so she figured it would be safe to shred some for Stella’s omelette. Whatever got their little girl eating. Right?

She started opening the cupboards, looking for everything she needed to get started on that omelette, when the front door opened. 

“Yay, mamma’s home!” 

Maya felt Stella smile against her shoulder and she couldn’t keep herself from kissing her head. She watched as the most beautiful smile appeared on Carina’s face as she spotted them and she couldn’t help but mirror it with her own happy grin at seeing her wife.

“Hi. Good walk?” Carina shook her head as she approached them. “No? Bad walk?”

Carina gently cradled her face and kissed her senseless, mindful of the small child between them, erasing the frown on Maya’s forehead. As they drew apart, the fire captain smiled, savoring the kiss with her eyes closed.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

“I love you, Maya. And you’re a wonderful wife, and a fantastic mother, and I love our daughters so much.”

“I know, babe. We love you too?” 

Maya relinquished the hold on her daughter so her wife could take her in her arms, but she couldn’t help but feel like something had brought Carina’s sudden declarations, and she wanted to dig further into that reason.

“Come stai, piccola?” She kissed her daughter’s forehead, happy when she couldn’t detect a fever. “What are you two up to? Was Isabella good?”

“Isabella is asleep, bless her. And I was about to make an omelette for our little star. Right?” 

“Sì. Con parmigiano.” Stella giggled at the surprised face her mother made. “Mom said it will help my moon system get stronger.”

Carina’s eyebrows shot up at her daughter's reasoning, an amused grin adorning her face. She hugged Stella tighter, feeling the little girl try to reciprocate the hug in her weakened state, and she sat at the kitchen table, moving the baby monitor closer to her so she could watch over their baby.

“So, how was Teddy?” Maya asked casually, as she dropped the egg in the pan, followed by the shredded cheese.

“She was… I don’t want to say miserable, but she had a lot to say about her marriage and her kids.” That caught Maya’s attention as she turned to look at her wife before directing her attention back to the pan. “It just made me realize how lucky we are that we have each other, instead of being trapped in some marriage where they resent the other in some way.”

“Ugh, I know. More often than not, whenever we are on a call with a married couple, they are always arguing about something they let fester for twenty some years,” Maya explained with a crooked grin, turning the stove off before plating her daughter’s omelette. 

“I don’t want us to ever be like that.”

Maya dropped the plate and a fork in front of Carina, and took a moment to look at her wife. Bright eyes pleading with her, looking for a promise Maya was more than happy to deliver. She walked around the table to stand in front of her wife. She cradled Carina’s face, still cold from her walk through the park with Teddy, and she looked solemnly into her eyes.

“I promise that will never be us.”

She sealed the promise with a kiss, smiling when she felt her wife hum at the contact.

They broke apart with a smile and Maya went back to the kitchen counter, putting everything away while Carina slowly fed Stella small pieces of omelette.

“I also wanted to talk about something else.”

“Anything,” Maya replied, not turning away from the sink as she washed the pan.

“I think it’s time. I’m ready.”

Maya kept washing the utensils she had used to make the omelette, making Carina wonder if she had heard her.

“Maya,” her wife made a noise, so she’d know she was listening. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Yes, you said you were ready. Ready for what?”

Maya turned off the faucet and grabbed a kitchen towel to dry her hands, turning around to look at her wife as she did so. Carina lifted her eyebrows, looking at her intently. Her wife was smart, she knew she would get it eventually. But perhaps she needed to be more specific.

“It’s been over six weeks, and I feel…”

“Ready?” The smirk in Maya’s face disappeared as something seemed to click in her brain. “Oh. Oh!” 

Carina nodded with a toothy grin on her face. 

“So, you- Uh, do you have a day in mind or…” She asked, nonchalantly, trying not to seem too excited over the prospect of being intimate with her wife again. Especially not in front of their daughter.

Carina shrugged, feeding another piece of omelette to Stella, who was getting tired from chewing and breathing through her mouth at the same time. She made a mental note to do something about her nasal congestion.

“I don’t know. Soon?”

“Okay!” Maya’s high pitched voice made Carina laugh.

Stella squirmed in Carina’s lap as she pushed the fork away. Carina let it drop on the plate and looked down at her daughter, brushing some hair away from her face.

“No more?” The girl shook her head, burrowing into her mother’s chest, her small chest moving slowly under Carina’s warm hand. “Maya, can you grab the sea salt and put some water to boil?”

“Sure, but why am I doing that?” She was curious as to why, but she was still doing what her wife asked of her.

“It’s time we introduce Stella to some home remedies for nasal congestion,” the little girl whined, not liking the sound of that. “Don’t worry, topolina. It won’t hurt at all. Okay?”

“Pwomise?”

Maya’s heart broke a little at her worried little voice, but she trusted Carina 100%, especially when it came to their kids. So she waited for the water to boil, and she grabbed the sea salt, a towel, and the eucalyptus oil that Carina asked for as an afterthought, and braced herself for whatever was about to happen.

Con parmigiano = with parmigiano (cheese)

Come stai, piccola? = how are you, little one?

Chapter Text

Maya was pacing back and forth in front of her jeep wrangling her hands. It had been days since Carina had told her she was ready to be intimate again, and now that Stella was no longer sick, Maya had been able to rope Andrew into babysitting.

She had planned a special night for them. No kids, no emergencies, no late night feedings; just them, alone, in a room at the Pan Pacific – just a picture of the bathtub had been enough to convince her to make the reservation. There was a packed bag in the backseat of the car, and she had requested for champagne and an assortment of fruits and chocolate sauce to be delivered to their room as soon as they checked in.

Now, as she waited for Carina to come out of the house, she wondered if she had made the right choice. What if Carina thought it was too much? What if she felt pressured into having sex? Before she could get lost in her thoughts she heard the front door opening and Carina basically being pushed out of the house by her brother, who waved at Maya before closing the door. 

Carina huffed loudly, rapidly firing Italian expletives as she stomped her way to the car, which made Maya laugh nervously. Her wife was adorable, especially when mad. She hurried to the passenger door and held it open for Carina to enter, closing it before going around the jeep to sit behind the driver’s seat. Mentally, she checked every item on her list as she fastened the seat belt before directing a look at her wife who was sporting a very adorable pout and had her arms crossed.

Not being able to resist, Maya leaned over and loudly kissed her wife on the cheek before turning the key in the ignition. 

She backed out of the driveway, mindful not to graze Andrew’s motorbike as she did so, and set off on the route she had spent days memorizing. 

It took five minutes for Carina’s curiosity to outweigh her displeasure.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Maya, I am not in the mood for surprises,” her grumpy tone made her wife smile.

“You will like this one. I think. At least I hope you do.”

“Maya!”

Carina sounded frustrated, almost petulant, and Maya just chuckled. She knew just how impatient the obstetrician could be –it was one of her most frustrating and endearing qualities–, but she didn’t want to reveal the surprise just yet. Soon enough it would be hard to miss, a turn on the next right and the hotel would be right in front of them.

They hit the last red light before said turn, and Maya took that moment to pry Carina’s arms open so she could grab her wife’s hand. It was warm, but limp, so Maya squeezed it twice, smiling to herself when she felt her wife’s fingers fitting in the space between hers, finally joining their hands in a tight grip. The fire captain brought their joined hands to her lips, before she signaled the turn and they started moving again.

Carina gasped when she spotted it, whispering her name.

“I know it’s not the fanciest hotel the city has to offer, but I think you will love the room – the bathtub especially. And the staff was so nice and accommodating that-”

“Maya, stop.”

Maya’s teeth made a sound as she closed her mouth, easing the car into the hotel’s parking garage and trying to ignore the voice in her head that was telling her she had screwed up, that she should have picked the Four Seasons, or even the Fairmont. Of course Carina would be underwhelmed by her choice!

She stopped the car, her hands still holding the wheel as if anticipating Carina would ask her to turn around and just go home. But that’s not what happened.

“Maya, look at me.”

It took a few seconds but eventually the blonde gave in, her eyes immediately seeking her wife’s.

“Why are we here?,” Carina asked softly.

“You said you were ready and I thought- I thought this would be-,” she took a deep breath, encouraged by Carina’s smile who probably knew she was on the verge of a panic attack. “I wanted tonight to be special. Every night with you is special, but I wanted you to have this – a night out, room service, a space just for us. We don’t have to do anything, we can just stuff our faces and watch a movie. I just want to be alone with you. I don’t care what we do.”

Carina’s chin started wobbling, her eyes going over Maya’s hopeful and earnest face. She lunged forward, her lips seeking Maya’s, fingers tangling in blonde tresses. Carina kissed her slowly, aware of every lazy brush of their lips, the wetness traded between them, the small breaths. She sighed before she pushed again, frustrated at the belt keeping her from crawling into her wife’s lap.

They parted as slowly as they had kissed, lips red and swollen, their foreheads pressed together. When Carina opened her eyes, she smiled at the flushed skin of her wife’s face, which she could barely spot in the dark space of the parking lot.

“Thank you,” Carina’s voice was thin like a whisper.

“You’re very welcome.”

They smiled, giddy at the prospect of the night ahead of them. They undid their belts and exited the vehicle, Maya almost forgetting the duffel bag in the back waiting between the two car seats. She took a moment to think about their daughters, hoping they were being good for Andrew so they could hopefully have more nights for themselves like the one they were about to have.

Carina looked around the spacious room, the crisp white duvet cover and the fluffy looking pillows. She walked to the window, marveling at the night sky view of the space needle, of the city that had become her home more than five years ago –the longest she had lived anywhere after finishing her residency–, the city that had embraced her when she was desperately looking for a place to call home again, where she met the love of her life and where her daughters had been born. 

She turned around, looking for the person that had made it all worth it. 

Maya was standing near the bed, examining the food cart room service had left for them. Carina eyed the bowl of freshly cut fruit, the bucket of ice with a bottle of champagne chilling, and a bottle of chocolate sauce? She chuckled. 

“Is it okay?,” Maya asked timidly.

“Non lo so! I have to see this bathtub you mentioned.”

Carina’s tone was playful, her smile flirtatious, and Maya found herself following her wife like a sailor follows a siren’s song, walking into the bathroom just a second after her.

The window above the bathtub was big, and the blinders were half open, allowing the night light to filter through. It was beautiful, and Carina seemed to think so as well because she clapped her hands before she turned around, grabbing Maya’s hands in hers.

“Bed, then bathtub, then bed again! Then maybe the shower,” she listed excitedly, dragging Maya back into the room as she walked backwards.

“So you like it?”

Carina nodded enthusiastically, her smile gone as she erased the distance between them, her hands undoing the belt of her long coat, dark brown eyes penetrating clear blue ones. 

Maya stood there, hypnotized by her wife’s slow movements. She didn’t want to move a muscle without Carina’s permission. They would do whatever she felt comfortable doing. She was going to make sure every one of Carina’s desires had been fulfilled come morning.

“Vieni qua,” Carina whispered and Maya followed.

Their lips met hungrily, causing them to moan at the first contact of their tongues. Carina’s hands got rid of Maya’s jacket, letting it slide down her arms until it joined her own coat on the floor. She tugged at the waist of dark skinny jeans, her lips never leaving her wife’s for more than a second, just enough to catch a breath. 

“Maya, touch me.”

That desperate whisper, the command Maya had been waiting for. Her hands circled Carina’s waist, bringing their pelvises together. Her mouth left Carina’s to start tracing a path down her neck where her tongue found its home at the hollow where sharp collarbones met.

Carina’s sighs and moans fueled her hunger like gasoline feeds a raging fire. Eager hands tugged, and pulled, and pushed, and soon Carina was laying on her back, her body bouncing slightly when it hit the mattress, the black underwear she had picked that morning the only fabric still on her body.

She reached out, her hand grasping Maya’s arm, and pulled so the firm body of her wife covered hers, a knee finding its way between her legs but not quite pressing where she wanted it to. Not yet.

Maya’s eager mouth was back on her body, marking the skin above her breasts, lips and teeth scraping and soothing fervently. Carina’s hands slid their way up the fire captain’s rippling back, wrapping around strong shoulders and bringing her closer, groaning when their breasts were pressed together.

“Are you doing okay?”

Carina nodded, appreciating her wife’s concern, but desperately needing her mouth back on hers. A hand sneaked its way up Carina’s back as they kissed. Quick fingers snapped her bra open, making her shiver when the cold night air hit her sensitive nipples once the fabric was removed.

“I love you so much, Carina. I’m so damn lucky,” the reverence in Maya’s voice made Carina bite her lower lip. 

Carina knew she was objectively attractive, enough people in her past had told her so. But nothing, no words or praise, had ever made her feel as sexy as Maya’s admiration. The way she looked at her, like she was the most precious object on Earth, the hunger with which her mouth and hands reached for her body. 

“Bambina, please…” she found herself whispering, desperate for release.

“Anything. Anything you want, my love.”

*****

Maya blew at the soap suds on Carina’s shoulder, smiling at the shiver that ran through her wife’s back, forcing her to lean back against her chest. She wrapped her arms around Carina’s shoulders before kissing her cheek repeatedly, making her wife giggle.

“How are you feeling?” 

Maya’s lips tickled the shell of her wife’s ear, making her push further into the body behind hers.

“Wonderful.”

“Yeah?”

Carina nodded her head, turning enough so that Maya’s lips could kiss her forehead, basking in the serenity and warmth of their post-coital bliss. 

After confessing she was ready to resume their sexual activity, Carina had been quite nervous. Her body hadn’t changed much with the second pregnancy, she hadn’t gained more curves like she did with Stella, but she still felt bigger somehow. 

She had timidly tested her body after the six week mark. She had groped her breasts in the morning, feeling for any pain or abnormal responses. And she had even tried to bring herself to orgasm in the shower, to see if anything was still hurting, if there was any bleeding. 

Everything seemed in perfect order, at least physiologically, but she still felt insecure about how Maya would react to her now.

“I was a bit nervous. I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“What? Why?” Maya’s eyebrows were pinched, bringing her lips to rest on the shoulder in front of her.

Carina inhaled sharply, gathering her thoughts in order to find the right words in English so her wife would understand that her insecurities weren’t caused by anything she had done or said.

“When we met, I had given birth months before, my body had settled by the time we slept together for the first time. But things change after a pregnancy; partners look at the mammas differently after they see the morning sickness, the crazy cravings, the bodily fluids.” She wet her lips before continuing. “I was afraid you would look at me differently too.”

Carina sounded so small, so vulnerable, that it broke Maya’s heart. She loosened her embrace and tried to turn her body in the small space of the bathtub so she could find her wife’s eyes.

“Hey, look at me. Nothing can change the way I look at you. The way that I want you? It transcends our bodies. Sometimes it makes me want to believe in God,” she rolled her eyes at how ridiculous it all sounded to her own ears, despite being completely sincere. “I love you, and I want you. Always. Every minute of every day.”

Carina’s sniffle sounded loud in the silence that had fallen in the bathroom. She rose to her knees, turning around so she could face her wife. She cradled Maya’s face in her hands, tenderly rubbing their noses together before kissing her lips.

“I know. I saw it tonight. You looked at me like you were hungry,” she said, chuckling.

“Oh I was, babe. I am!” Carina shook her head at her silliness. “Didn’t you say something about round two in this bathtub? Under the moonlight?”

“Technically, it’d be round three, but the water is cold now.”

“I think we can fix that.”

She turned the faucet on, warm water hitting Carina right on her side, making her scream in surprise, water sloshing outside the tub. 

Maya laughed hysterically when Carina started muttering in Italian as she struggled to open the drain to change the water, so she decided to cup the back of her head and dissipate her grumpiness with a kiss, eager to start round three.

Non lo so = I don't know

Vieni qua = come here

Chapter Text

Maya chuckled, Carina’s lips tickling her abdomen as her mouth closed around the grape resting on her navel. After taking advantage of the spacious bathtub, they had dried themselves as best as they could and had moved back to the bed, where they continued reconnecting.

They had grown hungry after a while, and they had started eating the fruit Maya had ordered for them. Carina had soon turned it into a game of teasing, placing pieces of fruit over different parts of each other’s bodies.

“I think this is the best idea you’ve ever had,” Maya rasped, as Carina’s tongue cleaned a path of chocolate sauce between her breasts. 

“Hmm it’s fun, no?” 

Carina swirled her finger around a perky nipple, teasing the sensitive skin with her fingernail, delighted at the hiss that escaped Maya’s lips. She bent forward, peppering soft kisses all over her wife’s torso, splaying her body on top of the fire captain’s as her mouth traveled upwards. She pulled the comforter over them, covering their bodies as their lips met again.

“You taste like pineapple and chocolate,” Maya said with a toothy grin.

Carina hummed before kissing her again, savoring the mixture of fruit and Maya’s very own flavor when their tongues brushed against each other.

Maya sighed as her wife laid her cheek over her chest, hugging her tight to her before laying a kiss atop luscious brown hair.

“Your leave is almost over,” Carina made a noise of acknowledgement. “How do you feel about going back to work? Do you need more time?”

“Well, it’s not like I can just take more time off,” she laughed. “But I feel ready. It feels right. I’m just going to miss being home, with you and the girls.”

Maya snickered at that, she knew exactly what her wife meant. “Tell me about it, it’s been a month and it still feels like torture, going to work every day and not seeing you.” She frowned at the implication of her statement. “When did we become these people? We used to be strong, independent women.”

Carina laughed then, nodding in agreement. Pregnancies can be hard on marriages, even more so once the baby arrives and their lives are turned upside down. And having two kids under the age of five? That usually spelled trouble for couples. But somehow, it brought them closer than ever. 

Their relationship had always been solid. Once they got past their temporary breakup at the beginning of their relationship, everything had fallen into place like a perfectly cut puzzle, growing stronger with every milestone in their relationship: moving in together, planning their wedding, moving to a house, getting married, raising Stella. 

A new pregnancy and spending two months holed up at home with two little girls? It had made them indestructible. Or so Carina liked to think. 

“I know, we are disgusting. So clingy,” she accentuated her statement by hugging Maya tighter, making them both laugh.

“I love this. I love us,” Maya whispered, almost as if she was sharing a secret no one was supposed to know. No one but them.

A phone buzzed somewhere in the room, bursting their bubble. Carina groaned as Maya’s body twisted around, reaching for one of the phones. She tried to unlock it and realized it was her wife’s, so she handed it over.

Carina squinted at the sudden brightness of the screen before she checked her notifications. Andrew had sent her a few pictures. She leaned on her elbows to hold the phone with both hands, smiling when she felt Maya’s chin on her shoulder.

The first photo showed Stella sleeping on the couch, her starry blanket covering her torso. There was an empty bottle of beer by her side and the caption read “She’s a lightweight.” Maya laughed loudly, whereas Carina muttered a very clear insult in Italian, no doubt directed at her little brother.

The next photo was of Isabella, wearing a different onesie that the one she had been wearing when they had left the house that evening, sleeping peacefully in her crib. Maya kissed Carina’s shoulder, leaving her lips pressed to the soft skin there until Carina’s finger swiped for the last picture.

It showed Andrew in their guest bedroom, tucked in bed, with a sleeping Stella laying on his chest and holding her firefighter bear. The caption read: L'angioletta che dorme.

Carina sighed, trying to keep the tears at bay as she thought about her sweet daughters peacefully sleeping under Andrea’s watchful eye.

It had been a torturous road for the DeLuca siblings, and there had been a time when Carina would have never imagined a future like this would be in the cards for them. Andrea had fought her so hard when she insisted he needed help, that she feared she would lose him. 

She was so proud of the man he had become. She hoped somewhere, somehow, her mamma was too. That she was proud of Carina too, of the life she built for herself. A life full of love and joy, one that included Andrea.

She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt Maya’s fingers brushing a tear away from her cheek, a worried look on her face.

“Hey, where did you go just now? Are you alright?”

“It’s all good,” Carina said, shaking her head. “I’m good.” Maya’s frown deepened, not fully believing her. “I promise.” She leaned over, kissing her wife on the lips a couple of times before moving her head back. “I’m just so full of love for our family, that sometimes it gets too much, and I need to let it out or I will burst.”

Maya smiled so wide her eyes almost disappeared. Carina couldn’t help herself, and playfully pretended to nibble at the scrunched up nose she loved so much. Her wife was adorable and she wanted to kiss her silly. So she did.

*****

A few days later, they were standing in the middle of one of the hospital’s busiest hallways at that time of the day. Carina let out a sigh, playing with the fingers laced with hers. To her right, Maya looked at her, a soft understanding smile on her face.

“I’m going to be late, and so are you,” Maya pointed out.

“I didn’t prepare for the fact that this would be twice as hard to do now,” she whined, waving her free hand around.

Maya chuckled, pulling at their hands so they could free the door to the daycare for other parents to go in and drop their kids off. She grabbed Carina’s other hand, squeezing until she looked at her instead of at the window, trying to get one last peek of their daughters.

“Hey, they’ll be here all day, and you can come down and see them as much as you want.”

Maya’s smile looked sad, and that’s when something seemed to click for Carina. She could see their daughters at any time during her shift, but Maya would be in a totally different place. Away from the hospital. Suddenly she felt so selfish.

“I’m sorry, bambina. I didn’t think about how much harder this must be for you.”

“Yeah, I’m leaving my entire heart in this building,” she tried to laugh to make the moment feel less heart wrenching, but the reality was that she was having trouble swallowing.

Carina’s arms wrapped around her, bringing them into a tight embrace they used to calm each other down, basking in the comfort of each other’s familiar essence. Carina rubbed Maya’s back before letting go, a smile tugging at both their faces now.

“I’ll see you at home. Be safe, please.”

“Always.”

Maya lifted her chin to kiss her wife’s lips, smiling when one kiss turned into two, and then three, enjoying the few stolen moments before they had to part ways. Ever since their night at the hotel, a new fire had rekindled between them, and it was as if they couldn’t get enough of each other.

“DeLuca, this is a serious place of employment. Keep it PG!”

Carina giggled, turning to greet Miranda Bailey as she wrangled Pru into the daycare after eyeing the two women.

“Okay, okay. You better go before we scandalize the entire floor.”

Maya scrunched up her nose, smiling as she kissed her wife one more time. “I love you,” Maya proclaimed, walking backwards towards the elevator as her wife blew her a series of kisses.

*****

Maya arrived at the station with only five minutes to spare. It was enough time to get changed and ready to face their shift, but not as much as she would have liked.

She was putting on her SFD t-shirt when she heard Andy calling her name. She opened the door to her bunk slightly and motioned for her lieutenant to come inside. 

“You are late!” Andy pointed out delightedly, leaning against the small desk in the captain’s bunk.

“I’m not. Shift hasn’t started yet,” Maya retorted as she buttoned her uniform shirt.

“Well, you’re late for you. How come?”

“It’s Carina’s first day back, she had a hard time dropping off the girls at daycare.” Andy pouted in sympathy. “So, why are you here?”

“At my place of employment?” she chuckled when she saw her captain roll her eyes at her bad joke. “I wanted to give you a heads up, apparently Ross is going to be visiting the stations in the district. So expect her to drop by unannounced.”

“What? Why?” Andy shrugged. “Okay, alright.”

Maya brushed her hair back, making sure not one hair was out of place, and straightened her shirt. She grabbed the tablet Andy was handing her and exhaled, ready to tackle the day.

Sure enough, three hours and one call after their shift had started, Chief Natasha Ross walked in through the main entrance, nodding at the firefighter in reception as she walked straight to the captain’s office. She knocked on the door and entered as soon as she got permission to do so.

“Good morning, Captain Bishop.”

“Morning, Chief. Ma’am. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Relax, Bishop. You’re always so tense when I visit!” She watched as the fire captain forced a smile. “I have an important task to assign to someone, and after some serious consideration, I think you’re the perfect woman for the job.”

“Me, Chief?” Maya hoped she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. She could feel the palms of her hands sweating as Ross looked at her with an unreadable expression. “What can I do for you?”

“As of tomorrow, you will report to Captain Orwell’s office at the Fire Training Academy. You will remain there, as an instructor, until further notice. A temporary captain will be appointed to ‘19’ until your return.”

“The Academy?” Maya couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Chief, are you benching me? Am I being punished for-”

“None of that. Don’t think about it as a punishment, think about it… as an opportunity. I expect great things from you, Bishop. Don’t let me down.”

Ross handed her a manila folder with what Maya assumed were the details of her new assignment, and left her office with a tight smile. As soon as the door closed, Maya dropped on her chair, trying to process what had just happened.

Not even a minute after Ross had left, the door to her office flew open and Andy and Vic joined her, curiosity evident in their faces.

“So, what did she want?,” asked Andy. 

Maya didn’t know what to answer. 

After eyeing both of them without receiving an answer, Vic snatched the folder from Maya’s loose hold, immediately reading what it said.

“Oh, dude. The academy? What did you do?” 

“Seriously?” 

Andy leaned over to read the folder, not quite believing what Hughes was saying. Behind the desk, Maya groaned as she dropped her head on her crossed arms.

“That’s not good,” Andy said, going through the sheets of paper trying to find an answer.

“She said it wasn’t a punishment,” Maya defended.

“Yeah, right,” Victoria scoffed. “Maybe she’s one of those women who doesn’t like other women in power.” They all looked at her in confusion. “You know, she sees you as competition, she wants to be the only one?”

“Look, let’s not jump to conclusions,” added Andy. “If she said it’s not a punishment, maybe it’s not. Right?” She looked at the other women, who shrugged unconvinced. “There must be a reason why she assigned you to this specific class.”

Maya perked up at that, rising from her seat and walking over to her friends. She grabbed one of the papers and read it over. Indeed it said she had been assigned to a specific group of cadets, the next bunch of papers listed the men and women she would supervise, but not much else.

Whatever Ross intended seemed like a mystery, which Maya wasn’t comfortable with. She didn’t like variables or unforeseen surprises, and she had been facing enough of those ever since Natasha Ross became the new Chief. 

She couldn’t be sure that Chief Ross didn’t want to end her career, so she would have to watch her back. But for now, she needed to figure out what it was that she wanted Maya to do, and she had to do it well.

Two months until Bruckner’s retirement. Her promotion was so close she could almost taste it. 

L'angioletta che dorme = the sleeping little angel

Chapter Text

Jo Wilson let out a relieved breath when she saw Doctor DeLuca pushing her way into the OR, ready to be gowned and gloved as she paid attention to every detail of Jo’s exposition. She took two big steps and joined her across the operating table, looking at the monitors briefly before redirecting her attention to the images from the camera exploring the patient. Her hands were still in the air, not touching anything until she was sure her assistance would be needed.

“Wilson, you're an attending now, you shouldn't need me here.”

“Oh, come on. First day back and you're telling me you don't want to see an ovarian torsion caused by a seven centimeters teratoma?”

Wilson could see the wrinkles around Carina’s eyes deepen as she smiled behind her mask. She moved the scope a little further, when Carina made a noise. 

“Wait, go back, a little to the right,” Carina indicated. “Your right.” 

“Oh, crap.”

“Do you see it?” Carina asked, not taking her eyes off the screen.

“Yup. Okay, removing the scope now, prepare for a laparotomy!”

Everyone started moving around them at once, preparing the field and getting the instruments ready. The anesthesiologist started reviewing the patient's chart, adjusting the anesthesia to make sure their patient would remain under.

“Wanna do the honors?” Wilson asked her former mentor.

“Sure!”

Carina extended her hand, feeling a sense of belonging she hadn't realized she had been missing until she felt the familiar weight of the scalpel in her hand. She closed her fingers around the handle and leaned over the patient.

“Performing incision,” she announced, as the blade cut easily through every layer of skin, the movement of her wrist precise and steady.

“How did I miss it?” Jo chastised herself, as she secured the retractor. 

“An ovarian torsion is hard enough to diagnose. A torsion and a necrotic ovary? That's nearly impossible, Wilson.”

“Crap, this means it might not be a teratoma after all,” Jo lamented.

Carina was glad to be back at work, she had missed the rush of a new medical mystery more than she had been willing to admit to herself. But that didn't mean she was having fun. This woman came into the ER with severe abdominal pain, persistent cramping and a fever, and she might leave the hospital with one of the worst diagnoses she could have gotten.

“There’s also a mass in the ovary, probably just a cyst. But let's send it to pathology as well,” Carina instructed.

“I’m so happy you're back,” Jo commented as she observed her former mentor remove the necrotic ovary with expertise.

Carina had barely stepped outside the OR when she had been paged to the delivery floor. She puffed her cheeks as she made her way through the familiar hallways, thanking those welcoming her back as they crossed paths. Taryn Helm was waiting for her outside her patient's room with an enthusiastic smile and a tablet with the patient's chart already pulled up.

“Welcome back, Doctor DeLuca!”

“Thanks. Are you on my rotation, Doctor Helm?” 

It was almost a rhetorical question, but she knew OB wasn't the most popular specialty for surgical interns. It wouldn't be the first time someone traded places with another student, sometimes after losing a bet.

“Yes, all week!”

“Good. I like you. Don't make me not like you,” she jokingly warned the young doctor as she pushed the door open. “Good morning, Angela. How are you doing?”

The patient grimaced as she held her belly, a man Carina assumed was her husband was sitting on the visitor chair, three feet away from the bed where her patient was curled up in pain. 

“Oh, Doctor DeLuca! I’m so glad you're back! I hope your delivery went better than mine,” that made Carina chuckle.

“It went very well, thank you for asking. Now, let's see how you two are doing.”

The woman let out a blood curdling scream as another contraction hit her. Carina grabbed the fetal monitor strip and frowned.

“Doctor DeLuca?” Helm had spotted the change of demeanor in the obstetrician. Something was wrong.

“Look at this, what do you see?” Carina pointed at the line on top of the strip, the fetal heartbeat line, and waited for the intern to spot the issue.

“Fetal heartbeat decelerates at the end of the contraction. That could be a sign of fetal hypoxia.”

“Very good, Doctor Helm. Book an OR, stat.”

“Doctor DeLuca?” 

Angela, the pregnant patient, looked on the verge of tears, having realized there was something wrong with her baby. 

Carina tried to look as composed as she knew how after years of experience, something that had proved harder to do after becoming a mother herself. She walked closer to her patient, seeing as how the man accompanying her was yet to even attempt to show a smidge of concern towards the woman.

“Angela, I'm going to need you to stay as calm as possible. The monitor shows signs of fetal distress. Your baby's heartbeat is slowing down at the end of your contractions, instead of at the beginning,” her hands moved as she explained, almost painting a picture. “This indicates the flow of oxygen to your baby is compromised. We are going to bring you to an OR. I think an emergency c-section is the best approach if we want to avoid further complications for you or the bambino.”

“What? No! No! Everything was fine, Doctor Harris said everything looked good!” The woman was frantic now.

“And it did. I looked at your history and everything was going exactly as it should. Nobody would have been able to foresee this. I know it's scary, but we need to deliver the baby as soon as possible or we run the risk of more severe complications.”

Carina found herself having difficulty to swallow. Angela looked terrified, as any mother would after hearing such terrible news, and she was seemingly going through this alone. The man in the room with her had yet to say anything at all, and Carina couldn't help but feel a pang of pain at how different Angela’s experience had been so far to her own. She couldn't imagine her wife just sitting there, looking immune to anything threatening her safety or their baby’s.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to distance herself emotionally. Her patient deserved the best care she could provide.

“I know it's scary, but we will do everything we can to make sure you have a healthy baby boy, I promise. This is the best option for you and him.”

Just as she said that, an orderly and a couple of nurses entered the room, ready to take the woman to the operating floor, Carina following closely behind.

What a first day back!

*****

Maya sighed as soon as she got out of the Jeep, perching her backpack on her shoulder and dangling her now empty yellow 64 ounce bottle from her fingers. It had been a rough day, but more so emotionally than physically. She was still on edge about Ross suddenly benching her – she didn't care how pretty Ross tried to make it sound, it still felt like a punishment to Maya. Aside from that, it had been a fairly normal shift, with no big incidents to report.

Apparently the complete opposite to her wife's! They had only been able to talk once on the phone, but it sounded like an exhausting first day, which meant Carina would probably be amenable to ordering take out. Maya had a sudden craving for tacos.

As soon as she crossed the threshold to their home, Carina greeted her with an enthusiastic “Hello!,” followed by Stella's sweet voice asking something she couldn't quite understand, but that it made her smile nonetheless.

She walked into the kitchen, where she spotted her wife sitting down at the table. She was surprised she hadn't gotten up to greet her, but when she crossed the distance between them, Maya could see she was rather busy.

Her wife's hair was up in the usual fashion Maya knew she favored during surgery, she was holding their three year old’s firefighter bear in latex clad hands, and her face was covered by a mask. Stella was sitting on the chair beside her, also with her hair up and a mask far too big for her sweet little face. On top of the table, her wife's suture kit laid open.

“What's going on here?”

“Firebear has a booboo. Mamma will fix him.”

“Oh, I see.” She bent over to see that the back of the bear’s turnout jacket was slightly ripped. She took the opportunity to kiss Carina on the cheek, making her smile as she was inserting the thread through the needle. “Hi, my love.”

She walked to the kitchen sink where she rinsed her bottle of water a couple of times before leaving it to dry. She turned around, grabbing the baby monitor from the table to see Isabella entertaining herself in her crib. She was gurgling away as she tried to pull at the sleeves of her onesie. Maya snickered.

“Okay, doctor DeLuca-Bishop. Are you ready?” Carina asked their daughter in the same voice she used in the operating room, her doctor’s voice, and squared her shoulders. 

“Yes, Doctor!”

“Allora. Forceps!” 

Maya looked up from the monitor then, observing as, unsurprisingly, their daughter picked the right tool and handed it to Carina.

“Ah, ah. Remember what I taught you?”

Carina grabbed the forceps and showed Stella the proper way to pass the instrument, giving her another chance to try. This time she did it correctly, earning her mamma's praise.

“Needle driver!” Stella hesitated between the hemostat and the needle driver, so Carina leaned over a little and pointed with her pinky. “That one,” she whispered.

Stella passed the instrument to her mother, giggling when she heard the slapping noise of the steel against the latex glove.

Maya watched fascinated as her wife's hands expertly moved the instruments around, going slow at first as she explained her sutures to a very interested Stella, who didn't miss a detail. Soon enough, her hands started moving faster, and Maya couldn't help the blush that she felt spreading across her cheeks.

She loved seeing Carina in her element, the elegance of her movements, her posture, her laser focus, it was all incredibly attractive. Watching her use the skills she mastered after hundreds of hours of surgeries to fix their daughter's teddy bear was igniting a fire low in her belly.

Her brilliant wife had spent most of her shift on her feet, had confessed to barely eating all day, and she had to wrangle their two girls home with her from the hospital. She was probably exhausted, yet here she was, “playing” doctor because their daughter can't sleep without that teddy.

Carina was such an amazing mother. Maya knew this. She had known that from the moment she had first seen her hold Stella in her arms at Maya's firehouse, but watching her grow into that role over the years had been a privilege Maya didn't take for granted.

“...and now you pull like that, and boom! You can't see the sutures. All done. I expect the patient will make a full recovery.”

Maya smiled widely as Stella crawled to her wife's lap so she could wrap her arms around her neck.

“Grazie mille, mamma.”

“You're very welcome, tesoro.”

As soon as Carina had released her from her grip, Stella grabbed the bear and ran off towards the stairs, presumably going back to her room, her mask still on.

Carina got up from her seat, her melodious laugh was cut short as Maya's lips captured hers the very second she had pulled off her surgical mask. She made a surprised noise before she relaxed into the kiss, wrapping her arms around her wife's neck.

“Watching you operate on that bear really did it for me,” Maya admitted with a smirk.

“Really? Was it the very unsexy surgical mask?,” Carina asked playfully.

Maya grabbed one of her wife's hands, bringing it to her lips so she could kiss her fingers.

“No. It was watching these miraculous hands, and knowing what you can do with them.”

“In that case, let me take a shower, we can order some food, put the kids to bed…”

“Oh, I like where this is going, Doctor DeLuca.” She scrunched up her nose adorably, earning a playful bite on the tip of it from her wife. “And then what?,” she asked, her voice a whole octave lower.

“Then, I can show you what these hands can do.”

Maya moaned before tilting her head back and trapping her wife's lips again, wishing it was bedtime already.

Grazie mille = thank you very much

Chapter Text

Maya sat on her side of the bed, watching regretfully as her wife was putting on her pyjamas before getting back into bed. Carina looked over at her, chuckling at Maya's ridiculous pout.

“Don’t look at me like that. I'm not the one that freaked out when Stellina barged in here last week and caught us naked.”

“I know. I just miss naked cuddles after sex,” she sighed, laying back and waiting for her wife to retake her usual spot on her chest, smiling when she did. 

Carina sneaked her hand under Maya's shirt, enjoying the feeling of her skin, still flushed and warm. She squirmed around to find the perfect spot, draping her leg over both of Maya's. She felt her wife's hand grabbing her thigh, absentmindedly caressing it back and forth with her thumb. Her other hand laid still at her waist.

“You might have been right about Ross,” Maya started, breaking the silence in the room.

“What happened?”

“She's sending me to the academy come Monday.”

“What?!” 

Carina sprung up, watching her incredulously. She straightened up, trying to see her wife's face in the dark of their bedroom.

“Yup. She said she's not benching me, so why does it feel like she is?”

“Bambina…”

“Please, don’t. It's just going to make me be mad about it all over again, and I don't want to be mad. Not in this room, in our bed.”

Carina nodded, lowering her body so she could lay on her side, holding her head up with her hand. Her left hand started drawing patterns over Maya's abdomen, knowing how that usually helped her wife relax.

“I keep thinking 'just two months, you just have to wait two months,’ but at this point, I don't know if it might just be pointless to hope.”

“Maya, you're an amazing fire captain, and you will be an amazing Battalion Chief.”

“Will be?” asked Maya, lifting an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Oh, absolutely. I know everything looks uncertain right now, but no matter what happens, you will always have us – me, and the girls. You don't have to prove anything to us, we already know you're extraordinary.”

She didn't know whether it was the soft tone Carina had used, or the words she had said, but Maya felt a rush of emotion wash over her. She burrowed into her wife's chest, grabbing onto her and forcing her to lay back, their positions reversed now.

She wanted to say so much. I love you, your support means the world to me, you are everything. But the words were trapped in the back of her throat, an uncomfortable pressure making her eyes water. She closed her eyes tightly, holding onto Carina as she allowed the familiar essence of her wife and the nails scraping her scalp lull her to sleep.

The following day was Saturday, and sadly Carina had to work that day, so Maya decided she could surprise her wife and bring her lunch – force her to take a proper break after a very busy first week back. 

The fact that she was going insane at home, thinking about how in less than 48 hours she would be banished from active duty, might have also had something to do with her decision to make Carina’s favorite sandwich, packing it in a lunch box with a shiny green apple, bags of chips, and adding sandwiches for her and Stella as an afterthought. Maybe they could have lunch together as a family at one of the picnic tables outside, it was a nice day after all.

This would also be her first outing by herself with both kids, which made her fairly nervous. She checked every one of her mental checklists to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything they might need while they were out, prioritizing Isabella’s diapers, a change of clothes, and her bottle. She rummaged through the peach colored diaper bag –Carina had insisted she get her own instead of using Stella’s to avoid giving her a complex when she was older– and made sure it was properly stocked, before she darted upstairs.

She had left Stella in charge of watching over her little sister, leaving them both in her and Carina’s bedroom while she got everything ready. As she approached the master bedroom, she could see Stella was sitting on their bed –barefoot, with not even her socks on– as she told Isabella everything she knew about elephants, her newest obsession, in a mix between English and Italian that made Maya chuckle. 

“You’re such a good big sister, baby. But we need to put your socks back on so we can go see mamma at the hospital.” Maya looked around, trying to locate the missing socks she had put on her daughter that morning. “Where are your socks?”

Stella shrugged, lifting her hands innocently as if that was none of her business. In a way it wasn’t, why would she care where her socks went when all she wanted was to gallivant around the world barefoot? Maya let out a sigh of frustration as she went back to Stella’s room for a new pair of socks so they could leave.

*****

“Mamma! ”

Stella took off running before Maya could even turn around and yell at her to be careful. When she finally turned around, holding Isabella in her arms, she watched as her wife squatted down to hug the three-year-old tightly, before lifting her in her arms and peppering her with kisses.

“What are you doing here?” A very surprised Carina asked her daughter.

“Mom made you food.”

Standing by Carina stood Amelia Shepherd observing with a smirk. Maya had texted her earlier that morning asking her to bring Carina outside with the ruse of needing to take a breather, all so they could surprise her. As jealous as she felt of their relationship sometimes, Amelia was glad her friend had this type of family. 

“Hey, kid. Aren’t you going to say hello to your favorite aunt?” 

Amelia opened her arms so Carina could pass the child to her as they approached Maya and the baby.

“But tía Andy didn’t come with us,” Stella stated, her brow pinched in confusion.

“Ouch!,” Carina snickered at her daughter’s answer. “You know, I met you not even an hour after you were born, and I’m your godmother. That should make me your favorite.”

“But I don’t ‘member that.”

Carina looked almost apologetically this time as she watched her friend pursing her lips, clearly trying to erase the sting of Stella’s rejection of her self-proclaimed status as ‘favorite aunt.’ But as they drew closer to the picnic table where Maya stood, waving Isabella’s little arm in her direction, all thoughts of her friend’s bruised ego disappeared. All she saw was her wife and her daughter waiting for her with eager smiles and- 

“What are you wearing?” Carina asked, frowning as she looked at Maya’s outfit.

“What? It’s just a hoodie,” Maya looked at the navy blue sweatshirt she was wearing before smirking at her wife.

“Sapienza?,” asked Amelia, setting Stella on the picnic table, where she started going through the bag of food her mom had packed. “Hey, isn’t that where you went to college?” She asked, turning to look at Carina.

“Yes, but they didn’t have these back then. Where did you get it? And why?”

“Do you like it? You are always borrowing my SFD hoodies and you never return them, so I decided to get a new one.”

Carina shook her head as she grabbed Isabella from her wife’s arms, immediately smelling her hair as she laid her cheek against the baby’s head. 

“Hey, if you can wear mine, why can’t I wear this?”

“Yours are comfy, and smell like you, and I’m proud of the fact that my wife is a firefighter,” Carina had a small pout as she explained her logic to steal her wife’s work hoodies. She didn’t know why she was being questioned like that.

“Well, I’m very proud of my brilliant doctor wife, and I wanted to show that.”

Carina bit her lower lip. She had to remind herself that they were in a very public space, and that they weren’t alone, lest she throw herself at Maya. Watching her wear a hoodie with her university logo and that sexy smirk that had been her undoing many times over the last three years, were lighting a fire in her.

“Ooh, Tex-mex!” 

Amelia enthusiastically grabbed the bag of Doritos she spied in the bag Stella was rummaging through, her comment acting like a bucket of iced water on Carina, who watched her in amusement as she opened the bag of chips and threw one in her mouth, moaning at the artificial taste.

“Okay, you got your chips, you can leave now,” Maya said, staring her down.

Amelia chewed loudly on another chip, happy to annoy the uptight fire captain, as she usually did. She gave a kiss on the head to each of the kids and walked away with her bag of chips.

“Thank you, Amelia!” Maya offered, acknowledging her part in her wife’s surprise.

Maya was going to say something else but she felt her wife’s fingers lightly tugging at one of the hoodie’s strings, and she found her lips being captured right after. She gladly let her wife set the pace of her kiss, an unspoken agreement they had between them, always being mindful of each other’s professional environment.

“I love my surprise. Thank you, bambina.”

“Wait until you take a bite of that sandwich, you will really be thanking me then,” she joked, wiggling her eyebrows just to make her wife laugh. “Now sit, you need to actually eat something.”

Carina rolled her eyes but took a seat nonetheless, adjusting Isabella in her arms so she could eat one-handed. Her stomach chose that moment to start growling, which made Stella giggle at the noise. Maya and Carina laughed with her, before meeting each other’s eyes across the table. And in that moment, they both remembered that this right here, the small moments with their family, is all that really mattered.

Stressful jobs would be there the next day, and people above them would make decisions about said jobs that they had no control over, but this life they built was theirs and only theirs. Nobody could taint that unless they let them.

When Carina returned home in the evening, she found her girls upstairs, laying on the floor of Isabella’s nursery. Stella was sprawled like a fish star, her little body half on and half off the rug. Maya was laying down on her stomach with her chin resting on her laced hands. Between them, Isabella was on her tummy, seemingly grunting as she rocked her tiny body.

“Are we doing tummy time?” 

Carina asked in a cheerful tone, dropping down to the ground, mirroring everyone else. She smiled widely when Stella crawled over to her and draped her small body over her back. She grunted playfully, pretending the little girl was too heavy for her, which made her giggle.

“Is mamma being silly?” Maya asked Isabella, who had started grunting harder since she had spotted Carina. 

“Mamma is wondering what’s for dinner.” A bewildered expression took over Maya’s face before laughing at her wife’s cheek. “What? I’m tired! And lunch was so good.”

Maya crawled over to Carina and leaned forward, kissing her lips, much to Stella's chagrin, who decided to slide off her mamma’s back and run off to her room after uttering an overly dramatic “yuck! ”.

“Do you really want me to make dinner?” Maya asked. Carina nodded, pinching her lower lip between her teeth. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

*****

It’s not that Maya disliked cooking, she was good at following directions and she liked the structure of a well redacted recipe, but she didn’t find the type of therapeutic relaxation other people seemed to find in the task. 

She had grown used to doing much more cooking since meeting Carina, and she enjoyed cooking for her family the few dishes she had mastered over the years, but she much preferred leaving it to her wife’s expert hands. One thing she had definitely embraced, however, was the concept of seeing cooking as an act of love. 

Having a small child in your life and an Italian wife meant she had to rewire her brain to see food as more than sustenance and energy for her body to perform at peak form. Food was an important component of her family’s health and well-being, an essential nurturing tool. Meeting Carina had helped her fix a lot of things in her life, helped her heal a lot of wounds, and her relationship with food was definitely one of them.

That’s why she was more than happy to make homemade croutons and split pea soup, which Carina happened to love. Luckily for Maya, it was one of the few dishes she could cook in her sleep.

So with Carina sitting at the kitchen island holding Isabella in her arms as she hungrily drank from her bottle, Maya started sauteing the vegetables she had already chopped and diced.

“So, I heard an interesting rumor today,” Carina started, breaking the comfortable silence in the kitchen. Maya looked at her for a second, acknowledging her comment. “He thought I knew about it, so Owen told me Ross spoke to Teddy about opening a clinic at ‘19’.”

“What?” Maya looked up, surprised by that information. “Why would she speak to Teddy?”

“I don’t know. Owen thinks she was maybe asking for advice, but I think she wants Grey Sloan to help with the program.”

Carina watched as her wife’s frown became deeper. She decided to give her some time to gather her thoughts. Over the past three years Maya had gotten much better at communicating, but she still needed time to process things at her own pace before she did. She looked down at Isabella instead, moving the bottle away from her mouth so she could take a breather. The little girl grunted in disagreement, which made her chuckle.

“I just hate that I have no say in all of this. First Jack went to Ross behind my back, then Ross is going to your boss. It’s my firehouse! I’m the captain, I should know if they are planning to open a clinic in my firehouse, shouldn’t I know?”

“Absolutely. But Maya, would you have been able to say no if Ross had asked?”

The blonde thought about it for a few seconds, stirring the broth she had just added to the vegetables. She sneered, her lip lifting on one side in disgust.

“Ross is my boss, so it’s out of my hands,” she seemed to speak to herself, nodding as she processed this truth. “I just feel so… disposable. Like, I’m not even there! Like I don’t have a say on anything!”

Carina gave her a sympathetic look. Maya had been struggling with Ross’s decision to appoint her to the fire training academy in two days, and there was little Carina could do or say to make her wife feel better about the whole situation. She could only be there, supporting her in any way she needed to.

“For what it's worth, I don’t think they should be opening a clinic in a firehouse. And even if Teddy agreed, she would have to bring the proposal to the board. It will be some time before it happens.”

Isabella chose that moment to be done with dinner, disengaging from the bottle’s nipple and pushing the bottle away with her tiny hands. Carina laughed, rearranging the baby to hold her against her shoulder. She got up from the stool, pushing it back in place before going around to give her wife a soft kiss.

“Whatever happens, know that we see you, and we love you, and you are absolutely indispensable to us. We couldn’t live without you. I can’t live without you.”

Maya felt herself melt at the tone of her wife’s voice and the slight pout on her lips. Her posture lost some of its stiffness as some of the tension left her body after Carina’s declaration. She cupped the back of her wife’s head and leaned forward, kissing her. 

Everything regarding her job felt like a giant question mark at the moment, but she finally had a family that loved and supported her unconditionally. And in that moment, with her forehead pressed against Carina’s temple and their baby drifting off to sleep between them, she knew she would be okay.

Chapter Text

Maya remembered Captain Orwell. Back then he was an instructor at the fire training academy. Having moved up over the years, he was now the Academy Director. He seemed to have mellowed down since Maya had last seen him, when she and Andy had been scrawny cadets trying to make it through the first month. But perhaps he had been nicer now because they both had the same rank.

He had told her a little bit about the general changes in the academy and the challenges cadets faced these days. Specifically the shift Ross had appointed to her. That week’s Cadet Commander would be Stacy Renard, with Carmen Lopez acting as Cadet Lieutenant. 

“A good match”, Captain Orwell had said. “Much like you and Herrera back in the day,” he added.

Maya didn’t want to jump right in to face the group of cadets head on. She requested to be allowed to observe from the sidelines to try and get a general idea of the group dynamic and to try and spot any possible issues. Orwell had given her full liberty to act as she saw fit.

Renard gave it a good try, but the group didn’t seem to respect her. Lopez supported her, which was good, but the rest of the group didn’t seem to act like she was a good leader. There were two other young women in the group, Maxime “Max” Parker and Kelly Smith. Maya had been paying special attention to Cadet Smith, who seemed the weakest physically – she made a mental note to see if Kelly’s cough was persistent. The men in the group looked like the average cadet, no one really stood out yet, at least not during the first two exercises that morning.

She decided to hijack their first lesson that day, entering the classroom once all the cadets in the shift were seated. The class instructor saluted her and left her alone with the cadets, who looked at her with a mix of expectancy and surprise.

“Good morning, I am Captain Maya Bishop, from Station 19, and I will be your instructor today. For the foreseeable future I will be responsible for your shift, you will report to me. If you have questions, suggestions, anything, you come to me.”

She stood in front of the class – straight posture, shoulders squared, hands holding a clipboard in front of her body. She looked them in the eyes, trying to gauge their individual reactions to her presence. Smith and Lopez seemed genuinely interested, whereas Renard and Parker seemed more suspicious. One of the young men at the back raised his hand and Maya tried to remember his name. Roger Clarkson.

“Yes, Clarkson?”

“I’ve heard ‘19’ is the best firehouse. Is that true?”

“Well, that depends entirely on what you believe makes a firehouse the best.” She paced the room, filling the space as she spoke. “We have the fastest response time, the lowest rate of casualties during rescues, and we have won the last two softball tournaments versus Seattle PD.” The cadets started hollering at that, banging on the tables with their hands until a lift of her eyebrow made them stop at once. She was pleased. “So, if you think all of that makes us the best, I would say you are correct.”

The rest of the lesson turned into an impromptu Q&A, with the cadets eager to learn more about active duty, taking a break from opening their books and just memorizing protocols. Maya figured it wouldn’t hurt, and it would probably build a good rapport between her and the cadets. At the end of the lesson, she asked Renard to stay behind.

Stacy exchanged a panicked look with Lopez, who gave her a thumbs up before Maya closed the door in her face, effectively leaving her and Renard alone in the classroom. She gestured for Stacy to take a seat, with Maya doing the same on the next row, checking the clipboard she had brought with her.

“Renard, I’ve been over your file, your academic numbers are above 80%, but you struggle a bit in other areas just as important for a firefighter. I observed your peers seem to struggle to follow your leadership. Why do you think that is?”

“It’s my first day as Commander, I’m sure they will grow to respect me.”

Maya smiled at the girl, which just seemed to make her more nervous. 

“You have been in the same shift for a month now, they should respect you already.” The girl lowered her face, looking chastised. “You don’t earn your peers' respect once you become their boss, you have to earn it as their equal first.”

Maya observed the young woman as she digested the piece of advice. On paper Renard really had potential to be a good firefighter, but not all good firefighters are made to be leaders, and that’s something these cadets needed to learn too.

“Look, like you said, it’s your first day as Cadet Commander, but leadership positions are not for everyone. Some of the best firefighters I know don't even want to make lieutenant.” That made Renard smile. Bingo. “Now, tell me about Smith. Is she always coughing like that?”

“I- I’m not sure. I think so? I’m sorry, I don’t- She said she had a cold.”

“Hey, it’s okay, that’s fine,” Maya reassured her, trying to stop the girl from panicking. “You are free to go now.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

In the afternoon, Maya went back to observing the group of cadets assigned to her supervision. She opened the file for Maxine Parker, as she paid close attention to her. She was excelling in the physical tests but struggling with the academic lessons, falling short of the 75% of academic success required to pass.

She was impressed by the strength and determination she showed, but noticed she leaned more towards the male cadets than the fellow women in her squad. Nothing wrong with that, Maya knew that, but that kind of attitude could develop some less than desirable traits in a firefighter.

Another thing she noticed was Parker looking her way before every new exercise, almost as if wanting to make sure Maya was watching. She was eager to impress, too eager for Maya’s taste. Another possible red flag.

Maya walked up to the instructor and asked him to be allowed to take over. He nodded and stepped aside, allowing her to take the lead in front of the group of cadets.

“Physical strength, speed, stamina. They are not just gifts. Like every other skill, you can train your body to be faster, stronger. But in order to do that, you require determination, and perseverance.” She started pacing around the group until she stood behind Parker. “And those things will make you physically fit for the job, but they won’t make you a good firefighter.”

She walked around Parker then, making sure their eyes met so the young woman would understand the message. 

“In a firehouse, every man and woman there are your sisters and brothers, your family. They are your equals. You all might have a different set of skills, and each one of you will be a valuable member of the squad.” She stopped pacing, standing in front of the group again. “Look to your sides. For the next few months, these men and women are your family. Learn from your peers. Teach them what you can. You will not pass the academy on your own, and you definitely won’t survive your first shift as a firefighter on your own either. If one of you fails, the entire squad will have failed.”

Maya noticed Parker had lowered her eyes halfway through her speech, and she hoped Maxine had been receptive to what she had been trying to explain. Now, the coup de effect.

“Parker, Lopez. I want you rooming together,” the girls looked at each other in confusion, ready to protest. “It’s an order! I want the switch done before tomorrow’s first lesson of the day. Dismissed.”

*****

Five days into the assignment, Maya could already see some changes in the group of cadets. Renard still seemed a bit uneasy giving orders, but the group appeared more willing to listen to her and to follow her orders. Parker had gotten better grades on their latest tests, and she had noticed a change in Lopez’s diet, favoring more lean proteins and shakes. 

Overall the group seemed in better spirits, and while Maya didn’t want to think it was because of her per se, she felt accomplished. 

However, there was still an issue with Kelly Smith, an issue that just seemed to get worse and had caused her to leave their practical lesson that morning. That had been three hours ago, and she had yet to make another appearance. 

Maya went to Renard, who was now rooming with Smith, and asked her to show her to their quarters so she could check on Kelly herself. When they got there, they found the girl curled up on the floor, looking pale and unresponsive. 

Maya rushed to her side, turning her on her back and checking her pulse.

“Go ask for help, we need an ambulance!” she ordered Renard, who took off running down the hallway. 

Maya opened Kelly’s eyelids, her pupils seemed normal, but she was cold to the touch and her pulse was slow. By the time the paramedics reached the room, the cadet was starting to wake up.

“Female, 25, she wasn’t feeling well three hours ago and she hasn’t left her room since. We found her unconscious and unresponsive. She seems disoriented.”

Maya stayed by Smith’s head as the paramedics hooked the monitors and started taking her vitals. She was bradycardic and her blood pressure was low. One of them made a face when he listened to her chest, and they decided she should get checked out at the hospital.

“Bring us to Grey Sloan,” Maya said. Getting up and ready to go with them.

When they rolled Kelly into the spinal board, Maya spotted blood on the floor, and she immediately realized where it might be coming from.

“They’ll have to check for vaginal bleeding,” she said, pointing at the floor. 

The paramedics nodded and picked up the board, strapping the cadet to the gurney so they could wheel her to the ambulance. They had started to push the gurney inside the vehicle when Parker appeared by their side, holding an SFD jacket and a backpack.

“Captain Bishop,” she handed the objects to Maya, who thanked her before jumping into the ambulance and closing the doors behind her.

On route to the hospital, the paramedic announced their ETA, they were 10 minutes away from Grey Sloan, while Maya had put on some gloves and started inserting a catheter in Kelly’s arm so they could start pushing fluids.

“Captain…” The  young girl sounded winded.

“Smith, don’t try to talk. Save it for the doctors. You’re in good hands.”

Maya opened the doors of the ambulance as soon as the vehicle had stopped, coming face to face with Miranda Bailey, who seemed surprised to see her. Maya started listing Kelly’s list of symptoms as they pushed the gurney into an exam room.

“Page Carina, there’s vaginal bleeding.”

“Don’t tell me what to do in my hospital, Bishop,” Miranda admonished her with a frown. “Page Doctor DeLuca in OB,” she asked an intern, ignoring the way the fire captain was shaking her head at her. “Anything else we need to know?”

“I don’t know. She’s been coughing for weeks now, a dry cough.”

“Thank you, Bishop. You can wait outside now.”

Maya did as she was told, pushing past the doors of the exam room. She took her phone out of the pocket of her jacket and called headquarters, hoping someone could get her in touch with Chief Ross before she found out from someone else.

Maya’s gut was telling her they all had missed something important, and she worried about what this might mean for her job.

Chapter Text

Carina’s strides were long, fast and confident as she rushed to the exam room on the OB floor. She had been paged to the ER while she had been in a delivery, but she had later been informed that Doctor Bailey had brought the patient to her floor and was waiting for a consult from her.

She pushed the door open and looked the room over – Bailey was typing something on a tablet, while a nurse was drawing blood from a pale looking woman laying down on the bed.

“Bailey, you asked for a consult?”

“Yes, I called for a portable ultrasound machine but they were all busy so I decided to bring her up instead.”

Carina frowned, the matter seemed urgent. She grabbed the tablet Bailey had handed to her and started fast reading the list of symptoms –hypotensive shock, bradycardia, peripheral vascular shutdown and vaginal bleeding– her mind already formulating a possible diagnosis.

“All these symptoms could be consistent with a miscarriage. Do we have the pregnancy results back yet?,” she asked, handing back the tablet.

“Negative, but her hCG levels were a bit off,” she swiped at the tablet screen a couple of times. “They were slightly higher than normal, but not too much.”

“hCG levels start dropping almost immediately after a miscarriage,” she explained, as she put on a pair of gloves and sat on the stool in front of the bed. “How long has she been unconscious?”

“She’s been in and out since your wife brought her.”

Carina looked up from between the woman’s legs at hearing the mention of her wife, her eyebrows lifting in surprise.

“Apparently Kelly here is a cadet at the fire academy. Maya found her unconscious in her room.”

“Oh, bambina…” 

Carna’s heart went to her wife, and wondered how she was doing, what she was feeling. She rolled her shoulders and neck, focusing back on the patient and started her pelvic exam. The cervix was slightly dilated, and she could spot some blood clots in the vaginal canal. 

“I’m going to do an ultrasound to confirm, but I’m positive she’s suffering a spontaneous miscarriage.” She was about to roll away from the patient, when she spotted something odd. She took off her gloves, putting on a new pair and fishing a flashlight from the pocket of her lab coat. “Doctor Bailey?”

Miranda leaned over as Carina moved to the side, pointing at a reddened area in the groin that presented some odd scabbing. 

“Is that some kind of eczema?”

“Sores and scabs present in the groin area could be indicative of inverse psoriasis.” Bailey looked at her, trying to follow her train of thought. “There are some medications, like Methotrexate, used to treat psoriasis, that could cause miscarriages.”

“That would explain almost all her symptoms, but surely not the shortness of breath, right?” Bailey said out loud, as Carina started the ultrasound machine.

A nurse coming through the door diverted her attention from what the obstetrician was doing. They couldn’t find an emergency contact or next of kin. Doctor Bailey thanked her for the information and turned her attention back to Carina’s examination.

“...and there it is. See that right there?,” she circled a small area of the screen after she stopped moving the transducer. “There’s the protruding sac. This woman was pregnant recently, and the miscarriage isn’t complete. I’m going to need to do an ERPC.”

“We can’t find anyone to ask for consent, so book the procedure. Hopefully she will wake up again and we can ask her before then.”

Luckily for them, Kelly woke up a few minutes after Carina’s exam. She seemed groggy and disoriented, but they were able to coach her into consciousness.

“Kelly, I’m Doctor Bailey, and this is my colleague, Doctor DeLuca. Do you know where you are?” The woman shook her head, looking scared. “You’re at Grey Sloan, they found you unconscious and bradycardic in your room. Do you remember any of that?”

Kelly shook her head again, bringing her hand to her chest, wincing. Doctor Bailey pressed her stethoscope to the girl’s chest and started listening to her breathing.

“Kelly, I’m hearing some squawks, a little wheezing noise, as you breathe. Are you aware of any pulmonary pathologies? Have you been feeling shortness of breath, chest pain?” The girl looked away and Bailey and Carina exchanged looks. “Captain Bishop mentioned you have a cough. Has that been going on for long?”

“If I tell you, will I have to leave the academy?”

“That’s not for us to decide. Our job is to find out what’s wrong with you so we can come up with the right treatment plan for your current issues.”

“Issues? Plural?”

Carina took a step forward so she could be face to face with the patient.

“Kelly, I’m an OB. You were suffering from vaginal bleeding when they brought you to the hospital. Did you know you were pregnant?”

“What? No! It can’t be! I- We used protection.”

“Unfortunately prophylactics are only 98% safe. It’s rare, but pregnancies can happen even while using protection,” Carina moved to sit at the edge of the bed, looking at Kelly with kindness. “I did a pelvic exam and an ultrasound and I can confirm you had a miscarriage. It’s most likely the reason why you passed out.”

“Oh god…” 

“However it wasn’t a full miscarriage, so I’m going to need to do a curettage to make sure the abortion is complete, or you risk the chance of infection. We need your consent for that, and I imagine Doctor Bailey will need further testing?”

Carina looked questioningly at her colleague, who nodded her head and explained she wanted to at least get some chest x-rays and to do an echocardiogram. Despite being scared, Kelly agreed to any test and procedure necessary.

“There’s another issue we need your help with, Kelly,” added Doctor Bailey. “We noticed some scabbing in your groin area and we were wondering if you’re taking anything for it?”

“Yes, my doctor gave me something for my psoriasis but I don’t remember the name. Metha something.”

“Was it methotrexate?” Carina asked, turning to look at Bailey when Kelly nodded. “It’s very rare, but methotrexate can cause pneumonitis –an inflammation of the lung tissues– and other respiratory problems. It could explain the wheezing sound Doctor Bailey heard when she examined you.” 

“The x-rays will tell us more. Just rest, they will take you up for imaging soon,” added Bailey.

When they exited the room, they both let out a deep breath. The girl was a walking medical mystery, but if they could confirm the suspected pneumonitis, she was also incredibly unlucky.

“I didn’t know you knew so much about psoriasis medication, DeLuca. Color me impressed.”

“I don’t,” Carina said with a chuckle. “Sadly, I’ve dealt with a few patients who suffered miscarriages after being treated with methotrexate for a prolonged space of time, so I’m well-versed on its potential side effects by now.”

“Well, you might have just solved a mystery but, if this turns out to be true, there’s another mystery left to figure out,” Bailey looked as they wheeled Kelly Smith away towards the elevators.

“How did she pass the physical exam to get accepted into the fire training academy?” 

*****

The chest x-rays had confirmed their suspicions. Based on the inflammation of the lung tissues and the persistent symptoms she presented, Kelly was diagnosed with a case of pneumonitis, one of the possible side effects of the prolonged use of methotrexate. She had been very unlucky indeed, as only less than 10% of patients will develop some sort of pulmonary complications from the treatment with methotrexate.

Currently, Kelly was recovering from the light sedation she had received to be able to go through the curettage procedure, which Carina had assured her had gone perfectly. 

While she underwent all the tests and procedures, Natasha Ross had turned up at the hospital looking for answers. She had joined Maya in one of the waiting rooms of the OB floor as they waited for news.

After checking on Kelly, both Bailey and Carina decided to invite the firefighters into Carina’s office to discuss privately what little they could share without falling into a HIPAA violation. 

And that’s how they ended up with Maya and Carina leaning side by side against the obstetrician’s desk, and Miranda and Ross sitting on the couch.

“Let me see if I understood correctly,” Chief Ross started. “Cadet Smith joined the academy with a respiratory issue that should have not allowed her to pass the initial physical exam. And said respiratory issue was caused by a medication that also caused her to faint and hemorrhage in her quarters.”

“Yes, that is correct,” Doctor Bailey confirmed. “Luckily, Doctor DeLuca was able to figure out which medication was to blame, and Kelly will be working with a pulmonology expert, and her long-term prognosis looks positive.”

“But she won’t be able to re-join the academy after this,” Maya pointed out, receiving a tight smile from her wife.

“The question now is, how did a physician let her pass her medical exam with those symptoms? There is no way they could have missed it.” 

Carina’s question posed a bigger issue that the department would have to investigate. Ross got up from her seat, which caused Bailey to do the same – even though she wasn’t quite sure why.

“Well, that’s something SFD will have to look into, and I promise you we will. I will personally spearhead this investigation,” she assured them with a nod of her head. “Doctor DeLuca, tremendous work. Thank you,” she offered her hand which Carina shook with some hesitancy. “Bishop, I’ll see you in your office.”

“My office, ma’am?” Maya asked, tilting her head in question.

“Yes, you can return to ‘19’ on your next regularly scheduled shift. I believe we have some things to discuss.”

Maya nodded nervously as she watched Chief Ross exit her wife’s office.

“Do you think that means what I think it means?” Carina asked excitedly, a huge smile threatening to split her face in two. 

“Don’t say it! You will jinx it!” Maya whined, watching as her wife mimicked closing a zipper on her lips. “I was going to pick up the girls from daycare, but my car is at the academy’s parking lot,” she said with a pout.

“I can give you a ride,” Bailey offered. “My shift ends in ten minutes and I was planning on picking up Ben at the station. I can take a detour.”

“That would be amazing, thank you, Bailey!” She turned to Carina, cupping her face and kissing her lips repeatedly before tilting her head back to be able to look straight into the brown eyes she loved. “You are a rock star. And I love you.”

Carina offered her a toothy grin in reply, watching as her colleague and her wife left her office. 

She still had a few hours of her shift left, but once she was home and she made sure the girls were asleep, she was planning on celebrating today’s small wins with her wife. 

Multiple times.

Chapter Text

Carina poked her head inside the Chief of Surgery’s office, a wide smile on her face despite the early hours. The Chief had requested a meeting with her before her shift started, so she had to drop her daughters earlier at daycare – waking Stella up a slightly earlier than usual hadn’t been exactly easy, luckily she already had a routine worked out with the two girls.

“Hi, Teddy. You wanted to see me?” When she opened the door completely, she saw her boss wasn’t alone in her office. “Oh, Doctor Bailey!”

“DeLuca,” Miranda Bailey offered as a greeting.

“What’s going on?”

Teddy gestured for Carina to take a seat on the only available chair in the office, right by Bailey’s. The obstetrician crossed her legs and straightened her posture, realizing this was a professional meeting and she would be talking to the Chief of Surgery, not her friend Teddy Altman. 

“As I’m sure you are aware by now, the Seattle Fire Department is going to start a health initiative. A free clinic aimed to aid those members of the community less likely to have access to health care,” Teddy started explaining, opening the folder resting on her desk. “The mayor seems to be quite excited about the project and has expedited everything, in coordination with Chief…,” she drawled, trying to find the name she was looking for on the papers in front of her.

“Chief Ross, Natasha Ross, I believe is the name you’re looking for,” Bailey aided her.

“Yes, Natasha. Carina, I believe you’re familiar with her?”

Carina nodded, sparing a look to her side before looking straight at Doctor Altman again. “We have met. But I was under the impression that the clinic was still in the very early stages?”

Bailey observed the frown in Carina’s face, sympathizing with the confusion she was sure the obstetrician was feeling.

“Well, like I said, the mayor is very eager to get the clinic up and running, and they have requested the collaboration of Grey Sloan,” Teddy continued.

“They were very insistent, which forced us to hold a last minute meeting of the hospital’s board, and after reviewing the proposal, we have decided to join SFD in this venture,” Miranda explained, watching for Carina’s reaction at the news. She wanted to make sure her friend and colleague understood they had been ambushed too.

“I still don’t know what this has to do with me.” Carina squinted at the other doctors as she tried to make sense of everything they were telling her.

Teddy shifted nervously on her chair, looking at Bailey before clearing her throat to address Carina again.

“It appears Chief Ross was quite impressed with how you handled the delicate case regarding one of the cadets at the training academy. Chief Ross thinks, and we are inclined to agree, that you would be a perfect addition to the clinic.”

“Given your closeness to everyone at the station, and your excellent patient care, that is,” Bailey added.

Carina’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. She was trying to wrap her head around how fast everything had happened since the last time Maya and her had talked about the topic.

At first, Carina had been weary of the logistics and, despite Jack’s well intentioned idea, she didn’t think it would be doable. Then, she learned Ross had completely circumvented her wife as if her opinion as the station’s captain wasn’t important. And now, she was being asked to join the same project that was pushing her wife to the sidelines.

Sure, Carina was well aware of how impactful a project like this could be when it came to women’s health, especially for those who refused or couldn’t afford regular check-ins, prenatal care, ultrasounds… As a doctor she understood the positive impact of this kind of initiative, but she was having a hard time separating her professional opinion from her personal one – the side of her that was angry at how Ross and the department were treating her wife in all this.

“I appreciate the offer, but I just had a baby, I have a three year old, I’m too busy as it is, I won’t sacrifice my personal time for this.”

Teddy leaned forward, worried Carina might volt from the office if they didn’t tread carefully, unaware of the conflict her friend was facing.

“We are not asking you to. The clinic will open once a month to start off, and you would get paid, you wouldn’t be expected at the hospital that day. If the project takes off, we will be supplying the clinic with more doctors, possibly residents, to help out. But we need someone to act as a liaison between the fire department and the hospital, and they chose you.”

Carina scoffed, shaking her head. “They chose me because I’m married to the station’s captain and they think Maya will happily go along with the mayor’s new project if I’m involved. I’m sorry, but I won’t let them use my marriage for political gain.”

Bailey watched as Carina stormed out of the office, barely stopping the door from slamming before she chased after the Italian as fast as she could. 

“DeLuca, wait!” 

With her hands in the pockets of her lab coat and her tongue poking at the inside of her cheek, Carina towered over Bailey, clearly not in the mood to play nice.

“I know it might sound like they are using you,” Carina scoffed again, shaking her head, “but like you said, this is political. Think of how this will reflect on Maya.”

“They’ve been pushing her around ever si- since Ross became Chief! The- they have kept her outside of this project and now they want me to join them?” Carina wet her lips with her tongue, trying to calm herself. She was feeling her anger flare up, but she didn’t want to make a scene. “I won’t do it, Bailey. I won’t.”

Miranda’s face softened as she took a step closer to Carina, an action that forced her to lift her chin so she could look the obstetrician in the eye.

“I don’t know what’s going on between Maya and Ross, but I know enough about politics and bureaucracy to know that, if this project fails, they will pin that loss on Bishop.”

Carina looked at the floor when she heard that, she was biting her lip now and shaking one of her legs in a nervous bout. Bailey smiled at her, reaching out to grab Carina’s forearm.

“I know that your loyalty to Maya makes you want to reject this project, but you heard Teddy. The mayor is pushing for this. Re-election is a few months away, and he needs this win. Don’t do it for them, though. Do it for your wife.”

“I don’t feel good about this, Miranda. It feels gross, somehow. I can’t explain.”

“I understand. But please, think about what I said. Whatever happens with the clinic, whether it succeeds or fails, it will affect Maya’s captaincy, and any future promotions.” Carina looked up, then, startled at the mention of a promotion. “Don’t look so surprised, DeLuca. I know everything. You should know that by now.”

A small smile tugged at Carina’s lips. 

She understood where Bailey was coming from, and she knew she was right. Still, accepting this without having had a chance to discuss it with Maya didn’t sit right by her. She could wait to make a decision and risk them picking someone else that Maya might not be as willing to work with, or she could make sure she helped her wife navigate this frustrating new project, and helped her succeed.

She took a deep breath, the right choice was clear. She nodded her head and followed Bailey back into Teddy’s office.

*****

Maya saw the message notification from Carina but turned her screen off as Chief Ross closed the door behind her. She strode confidently into the captain’s office and took a seat without prompting, forcing Maya to smile nervously.

“I won’t take much of your time, Bishop. Let me cut to the chase. I gave you that assignment because I was worried about some aspects of the academy -as it turns out with reason- and I thought I would kill two birds with one stone.”

Maya observed as Ross crossed her legs and dropped her briefcase on the floor. Judging by the slight sag on her shoulders and the soft smile on her face, the Chief seemed relaxed, the total opposite of how Maya was feeling.

“I sent you in with every intention to test you and your leadership skills,” she kept talking, knowing the fire captain was likely to contest her claim. “It’s not that I doubted you as captain, I’ve seen you with your crew. But a leader should be able to rise to the occasion under any environment, no matter who they are leading. You impressed me, Bishop. You identified an issue with the cadets, found a solution, motivated them, and saved a life. It was… enlightening.”

“Well, that last part was most definitely not me, that was all Doctor DeLuca’s doing,” Maya allowed herself to jump in then, taking the chance to brag about her gorgeous, intelligent and accomplished wife. 

Her wife, who in solving a medical mystery had uncovered the fact that a physician was signing fraudulent medical exams in exchange for cash, so cadets could cheat their way into the fire training academy. She had been very proud of Carina for that one, and she had really enjoyed showing her just how much. Repeatedly.

“Yes, your wife. I was very impressed by her as well. That’s why I was very pleased to hear that she will be joining the Dean Memorial Clinic as the physician in charge and the liaison between Grey Sloan and SFD. The mayor is very excited about this program.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Maya frowned at that tidbit of information.

She hadn’t spoken to Carina since the night before, and she had barely had time to exchange a good morning text with her a few hours ago. As far as she was aware, Carina wasn’t particularly enthused with the idea of the clinic, so hearing from Ross that she was going to be involved was news to her.

She spared a brief look at her phone, wondering if that’s what her wife’s unread message, the one she had ignored when Ross had entered her office, was about.

“Yes, it’s great news! I’m sure you’re elated to hear you’ll be working closely with your wife,” Ross offered with a tight smile. “I trust you will be perfect professionals about this, of course.”

“No, yeah, of course. Carina is- we are very professional,” Maya rushed to confirm.

“Excellent. Like I said, I’m very happy with what I’m seeing from you, Bishop. I look forward to discovering what else you’ve got in store.”

Maya preened, smiling widely at the praise. It felt good to see her hard work being noticed. Despite her initial doubts about Ross and what the new changes in the department could mean for any future promotion, she felt very good about her odds right now.

“Thank you, Chief. I won’t disappoint you. In fact, I’m looking forward to sharing some of my ideas for the department when I apply for the next available position for Battalion Chief.”

“Oh?” 

Ross nodded at the fire captain, but her eyebrows were arched in surprise and her face looked tense now. Something Maya would have noticed if the klaxon hadn’t chosen that moment to go off, prompting her to scurry around to grab her things. 

“Sorry, that’s our cue to go,” she stopped with her hand on the handle, turning around to look at the Chief. “Are you coming with us?”

“No, no, I have to go speak to the Captain of ‘88’. Good luck out there, Bishop.”

Maya smiled at the Chief once more before she took off running in the direction of the barn.

She was excited, it was her first big emergency after having spent a week at the fire academy –a week that had felt like a punishment from Ross–  and she was just leaving a more than positive meeting with the Chief. 

Everything was looking up for Maya, and she was intent on riding out this wave of happiness for as long as it would last.

Chapter Text

“I’m just saying, a heads up would have been nice, that’s all.”

Maya was walking around the kitchen, setting the table while Carina was at the stove, cradling Isabella’s small body in one arm as she stirred a pot of sauce – Maya would always find that incredibly impressive.

“I sent you a text about it – which you ignored for hours, I may add.”

The fire captain rolled her eyes before looking at the sauce covered wooden spoon Carina was pointing at her with, making sure it wasn’t dripping on the kitchen floor, before she walked around her to grab some plates out of the cupboard, kissing Isabella’s chubby cheek on her way back to the table.

“I know, I know. But I just- I thought you were against the clinic. And then I have to find out from Ross that, not only have you changed your mind, but that you’re  basically going to be in charge of the whole thing!”

“Oh my god! I’m not going to be in charge of anything, Maya! Why are you saying it like that?”

Carina turned down the burner and switched Isabella to her other arm, looking at Maya expectantly. Her wife had taken her time making sure every plate was perfectly aligned on the table before she had grabbed some glasses for them and Stella’s sippy cup.

Speaking of whom, Carina walked to the edge of the kitchen taking a peek at the living room to make sure their three year old was still calmly sitting on the couch where Maya had left her watching an animal documentary before she had joined Carina in the kitchen.

“Being the “physician in charge ” and the “Grey Sloan liaison” sounds like you’re very much in charge to me. I mean, I get it, of course they would choose you, but we should have talked about it first.”

Carina sighed looking at the clock on the wall. It was time for dinner and she didn’t want to have this argument in front of Stella. That’s something both of them had agreed on when Stellina had started talking and was beginning to pick up on their conversations.

“Stellina, vai a lavarti le mani. È ora di cena.”

The girl whined from her spot on the couch, falling to the side and covering herself up with a pillow, as if that was the most clever way to escape her mamma. Carina chuckled, shaking her head at her antics.

“Is she being difficult?,” Maya asked, before walking up to her wife and poking her head into the living room. “Are you being difficult, probie?”

Stella rolled off the couch then, huffing and puffing as she went to the bathroom.

“You know she gets that from you, right?” Carina said, looking deadpan at her wife.

It was Maya’s turn to roll her eyes, grabbing the baby from Carina’s arms and walking down the hallway to the guest bathroom, intent on making sure Stella was actually washing her hands. With soap.

They had tabled their discussion during dinner, both knowing they would pick up right where they left it once the girls were in bed, and the dishes were taken care of. That’s when Maya plopped down on the couch, sighing as she felt the weight of her wife’s legs on her lap, her hand automatically grabbed a calf and squeezed softly.

“Are they down?” Carina asked, offering her wife a glass of wine.

“I swear, Stella gets more stubborn every day. She really is a mini you,” Maya joked before taking a small sip from her glass.

Carina smiled sheepishly, not entirely unhappy about being told her smart and rambunctious daughter resembled her. She set her glass of wine on the coffee table and turned her body sideways, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch to face Maya.

“So, do you want to talk now?”

“No?” 

It’s not that Maya didn’t want to talk about what had happened earlier, they definitely needed to talk, but she didn’t want to disturb the rare moment of calm when neither one of them had to work the next day.

“Maya…”

“I know, I know. I’m just trying to process the upsetting fact that I’m literally the last person to find out all of these things. Everything about this clinic has been infuriating.”

Carina reached to grab her wife’s hand with hers, playing with the strong fingers she knew so well. 

“I know, bambina. I didn’t want to add to it, but Bailey made me realize that I had to take the job.” Maya looked at her incredulously, arching her eyebrows in question. “Think about it. If I had said no, they would’ve looked for someone else. Someone who wouldn’t have your best interests in mind.”

Maya’s face softened at those words. She was beginning to understand where her wife was going, and a feeling of gratitude and affection blossomed in her chest.

“Carina..”

“I hate the idea of the department using you, using us, for their own gain; to make the mayor look good. But that will only happen if we let them. And we won’t,” she shook her head. “I won’t let them take advantage of you, bambina. I’m on your side.”

“It’s you and me against the world.”

Carina offered her a tender smile, her entire body relaxing when Maya pronounced the same words she had uttered as part of her wedding vows.

“Always.”

Maya leaned over then, her hand cupping the side of Carina’s face and drawing their faces together. The first touch of their lips made every voice inside Maya’s brain go quiet. The mix of her wife’s taste with the wine, intoxicating her. 

“How did I get so lucky?,” Maya asked softly when their kiss broke, her eyes never leaving Carina’s.

The Italian grabbed the glass from Maya’s hand and set it on the coffee table, right by hers, before grabbing the front of Maya’s black hoodie. 

She laid down on the couch, pulling her wife down with her to cover her body, their lips coming together again, their kisses growing sloppier as Carina squirmed sensually under the familiar weight of her wife’s solid body.

She hooked one leg around Maya’s hip, opening herself more to the feeling of denim rubbing against the thin material of the leggings she had changed into that evening. A groan escaped her lips when Maya’s mouth moved to her neck, a strong calloused hand slipping under her thigh, kneading her flesh as teeth graced the thin skin near her ear.

“Maya…” Carina arched her body, wanting to feel closer to Maya, to offer herself for the taking. 

She smirked when she felt blunt nails down her back, under the oversized sweater she was wearing. She exhaled right by Maya’s ear, something she knew would make her wife shake from head to toe. However, Maya’s body went stiff instead, effectively stopping every movement.

“Maya?” Carina asked, worried that she had done something wrong, or that her wife wasn’t really in the mood.

“I just can’t believe they would ask you without asking me first. You’re coming into my firehouse, shouldn’t Ross ask me if I’m okay working with you?”

“Seriously?” Carina asked, trying not to feel offended by her wife’s words.

“You know what I mean,” Maya said dismissively.

“I’m not sure I do,” Carina loosened her hold on the fire captain, resting her back completely on the couch, trying to look for blue eyes. “I thought we were okay.”

“No, we are! We are!,” Maya hurried to affirm. “I just hate that they haven’t asked me my opinion on anything! I’m the captain.”

Carina sighed, covering her face with her hands and grunting in frustration. Maya looked down at her, wincing before she leaned her forehead against Carina’s.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, my love. I’m done now.” Carina removed her hands from her face, revealing a pout. “I promise. I’m sorry.”

“You might be the captain at ‘19’, but I’m in charge here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Maya smirked before leaning down and capturing her wife’s lips again, more than happy to follow her wife’s every order.

*****

Carina yawned, covering her mouth with her fist as she stretched, smiling at the look her wife was directing at her from the foot of the bed – they had moved their activities to the bedroom after a first quick orgasm downstairs. She lifted her finger, moving it back and forth in a negative gesture.

“We just got dressed, don’t get any ideas.”

“I can be quick, you won’t have to take anything off,” Maya offered in a playful whisper as she crawled on top of her wife. 

“No, nope.” Carina tried to twist away from Maya, who was trying to attach her lips to her neck. “You’re going to wake up Stellina, and then she’ll want to sleep in here.”

“Me? You’re the one squirming, and whimpering and-” She grinned behind the hand that covered her mouth, puckering her lips to kiss the warm palm.

Carina shook her head, sinking further under the covers as she watched Maya finally getting in bed with a groan of delight as she felt her body relax into the mattress.

“Okay, I didn’t realize how tired I was until just now,” she turned to her side, moving closer to her wife until she could lay her head on Carina’s shoulder. “So, what are the plans for tomorrow?”

“Andrea might stop by in the afternoon to see the girls. Other than that, my schedule is wide open.”

Maya hummed, enjoying the feeling of her wife’s slender fingers running through her hair, relaxing her with ease into a state of near unconsciousness. She liked to tell her wife that her hands were magical, and she meant it. Carina was a skilled surgeon and a fantastic lover. Her touch could be nurturing, arousing, and healing, sometimes all at once. No one else had ever made her feel as many things as Carina could with a simple touch. 

“What about you?”

“I was thinking about washing the Jeep in the morning. But maybe I will take Stella with me to the car wash instead; give you a quiet morning with Isa.”

“To the Elephant Super Car Wash? She loves that place,” Carina pictured the big sign of a pink elephant announcing the business in her mind, smiling as she recalled Stella’s squeals of delight whenever they drove near that sign.

“Not going to lie, I’m already over the elephant obsession she has going on, but her reaction every time is very cute.”

“She has you wrapped around her small fingers.”

Maya chuckled, knowing perfectly well that her wife was correct. Stella had stolen her heart since the day Andrew had dropped her at the firehouse for a couple of hours. It had only gotten worse after meeting her amazing mother, of course.

“Are you really okay with me taking the clinic job?”

Maya frowned at the insecurity she could detect in Carina’s voice, so far removed from her usual confidence or her teasing. She lifted her head, searching for brown eyes in the dark of their room, and she found her wife looking straight at her.

“Hey, I am. I promise. I wouldn’t want anyone else working with us at the station,” she cupped Carin’s warm cheek, feeling her muscles shift as she smiled. She couldn’t help herself, she had to kiss her again. “I love you, thank you for looking out for me.”

“Always,” Carina vowed.

Stellina, vai a lavarti le mani. È ora di cena = Stella, go wash your hands. It's dinner time

Chapter Text

“Look at these cheeks! Ugh, this is not very contraceptive of you, DeLuca.”

Carina snickered as she watched the way Amelia fed Isabella her bottle, a wide smile on her friend’s face as the baby sucked with gusto. 

They had decided to have lunch in Carina’s office so she could spend some time with the girls, away from daycare and greedy nurses who wanted to hog her very adorable children whenever they stepped foot on the maternity floor. 

So that’s why they were currently facing each other in the small sofa in her office, with Isabella content to eat in Amelia’s arms, while Stella played with one of the models in Carina’s office, kneeling in front of the sofa, and accepting the pieces of food her mom was feeding her.

“She does have the most pinchable cheeks, doesn’t she?” Carina offered with a proud smile adorning her face.

“I could bite them! This is making me miss having Scout around all day,” the neurosurgeon admitted with a pout.

“How is preschool going?”

Amelia looked away from the baby for a second to acknowledge Carina’s question, watching as her friend fed another thinly cut slice of apple coated in peanut butter to her eldest.

“It’s… going. He’s turning out to be quite the introvert. Link’s mom says his father was the same at his age so, we’re not worried. For now.”

“It’s hard to think of any kid of yours being an introvert,” Carina admitted with a dry laugh, before taking a forkful of her chicken salad. 

“I know, right?” Amelia adjusted Isabella in her arms, who had slipped out of the ideal feeding position, and offered her the bottle again, which the little girl accepted. “This one, however, seems to have the same appetite as her mom. Good lord.”

Carina nodded, offering Stella a carrot. The little girl shook her head, playing with the plastic fallopian tube she had detached from the model.

“Stella…” Carina used her mother’s voice, which had the little girl reluctantly grabbing the carrot and munching on it. “Un giorno mi ringrazierai, topolina.” Carina said, caressing her daughter’s hair as she watched her eat with a pleased smile.

“So, only a few more days now. Are you ready for the clinic to open?”

Carina huffed, closing the lid on her now empty salad container and setting it on the coffee table with Stella’s lunch box.

“I’m excited, but also not?,” she tilted her head to the side, squinting one eye as she thought about it. “I am looking forward to getting a better understanding of what women in the community need in terms of health care, but something about the way this came about is still… iffy.” She made a gesture with her hand, rotating it in the air for emphasis. “I just want Maya to be happy and to love her job again.”

Amelia frowned at hearing that, not privy to the most private details about the issues in Carina and Maya’s lives. But Maya not loving her job? That didn’t sound like her. Which did worry her a bit.

“Is she okay?,” Amelia asked, handing over the baby to Carina, who held her against her shoulder, ready to burp her.

“It’s just her new boss. Sometimes it feels like she’s undermining Maya, and leaving her out of decisions that affect the station. I just don’t have a good feeling about the whole thing.”

“Blondie will knock this out of the park, just like everything else she does,” Amelia reassured her friend.

Isabella burped then, making everyone in the room laugh. Stella, still on her knees, moved closer to her mother, patting the baby in the head.

“Good one, ‘sbella.”

“Oh my god,” the neurosurgeon mouthed to Carina, who nodded her head as if agreeing that was the funniest and cutest thing ever at the same time. “What about you, Stella? Do you need to be burped too?”

The little girl squealed as Amelia tickled her sides, squirming away to crawl onto the safety of her mother’s lap.

“I’m not a baby, auntie ‘melia,” Stella protested, finally settling on Carina’s thighs, where she could get a closer look at her baby sister.

“Listen, I have to go. If I stay one more minute with you all I might want another baby. But we’ll talk later, okay?” Carina smiled at her friend, watching her kiss her daughters goodbye before leaving her office.

She checked the clock on the wall and realized her lunch break was almost over. She hugged both girls close to her then, soaking up all the warmth and affection she could from them so that it would help get her through the rest of her shift. 

*****

“I think we should hang the banner over there, so everyone can see it as they walk in.”

Jack pointed with one of his hands to the catwalk that connected both sides of the station. He was standing in the middle of the barn, holding a clipboard to his chest as he looked around the space, trying to figure out what everything would look like without the trucks in the way, and things set up for the clinic.

“What do you think?”

Maya, who was checking things on her own clipboard, spared a brief look at him before she went back to taking notes. “Oh, you are asking for my opinion now?” 

She didn’t need to look at him to know he had a dumbfounded expression on his face. 

“What do you mean? Of course I want your opinion.”

She scoffed, looking at him then. “Really? Because you certainly didn’t want it when you went to Ross with your little idea.”

He watched her walk around him without so much as a look at him. He caught up to her as she inspected the supplies in the engine truck, checking things off from a new sheet on her clipboard.

“What do you mean? You knew about the clinic. You saw the papers.”

“Yes, Jack. Because you dropped them in front of Andy and I. It didn’t even occur to you to ask me what I thought about using the station for this. I’m the captain. I should have a say in what goes on in my firehouse.”

“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was that important,” he winced as she directed a steely glare at him. He hated that look, it made him feel like a little boy. “It’s for Dean, I thought you would be alright with it.”

“I have to be, since it’s happening.”

He pursed his lips, holding the clipboard to his torso with his crossed arms. He studied her profile, watching her jaw clench and unclench. Once upon a time, Jack thought they might have had a shot at something, but Maya was always out of his league, almost in a different universe, even. But he respected her as a firefighter, and as a friend, and he still wanted her approval. He wasn’t coping well with the cold shoulder he had been getting from her for the past few weeks.

“I’m sorry, okay. Is that what you want me to say?”

“I don’t have to tell you what to say, Jack. You’re an adult man.”

“Look, I understand you feel left out of the loop, and I’m sorry. I did that, I will own that,” he said, pressing a hand to his chest. “But, to be honest, I didn’t want you all to tell me it was a dumb idea. And deep down I thought Ross wouldn’t go for it.”

Maya took a deep breath, really looking at Gibson for the first time since they started this conversation. 

She knew he meant well, that’s what infuriated her the most. He always had good intentions, but he always went about them the wrong way, leaving everyone behind to clean up his mess. 

How she felt about the way things had unfolded didn’t matter, the clinic was opening in a few days, and that was it. In a few days her firehouse would be filled with strangers, gurneys, hospital curtains, and her beautiful wife fluttering around. And there was nothing she could do about it now. She supposed it was time to let go of any hard feelings, and to make the most of it.

“Apology accepted, Gibson. You’re staying behind to clean up the mess of every clinic day, however,” she pointed at him with her clipboard and he smiled triumphantly at her.

“Aye, aye, captain,” he agreed, saluting her.

*****

Maya felt her entire body sag the second she stepped through the threshold of her home, allowing the familiar essence of clove and cinnamon candles her wife favored.

She dropped her keys in the small bowl by the entrance and let the backpack drop from her shoulder. As she took off her bomber jacket, she turned to see the television was on, showing some nature documentary. She scoffed when she saw a group of elephants stomping around a shallow river. She walked over to the couch, leaning over the back. 

The sight that greeted her made her smile.

Stella was already wearing pyjamas –a white top with yellow stars, yellow pants, and fuzzy socks–, which indicated she had already taken a bath, and she was cradling Isabella completely against her small body. The baby looked asleep, content in her peach colored onesie as she rested in her older sister’s arms, her small head resting on an equally small chest.

Carina’s eyes met hers over Stella’s head and she automatically felt drawn to her, leaning over to the side so she could kiss her wife’s lips, humming against the familiar softness.

“Ciao, amore.”

“Hi,” she greeted with a dopey smile, nuzzling Carina’s nose with hers before she directed her attention to Stella. “Hi, baby. Is Isa being good?” 

The little girl nodded, closing her little arms tighter around the small body resting on her, her eyes never leaving the television screen. Maya smiled, enamored by the sight, before she kissed the three year old atop her head.

“There’s food for you in the oven. Do you need to take a shower?”

“No, I took one at the station.”

Carina nodded in understanding as she observed her wife pressing her lips against their daughter’s head again, closing her eyes as if trying to memorize the smell of the kids strawberry shampoo. 

She reached out to knead Maya’s neck slowly, smiling at the small groan that escaped her wife’s lips. The tension she felt in the muscles beneath her fingers made her decide that she would pamper her wife tonight. It had been a while since she’d taken the time to massage Maya’s back and she too was missing the intimacy those moments provided – the feeling of those strong muscles relaxing under her hands, the way they melted at her touch.

She bit her lip, already imagining the way her wife’s hips would start moving involuntarily, forcing Carina to press her thighs harder on each side of her hips to keep her in place as her hands kept undoing the tight knots on her back. 

Judging by the toothy grin Maya was directing at her, her face must look as flushed as she felt. She shook her head, getting up from the sofa to go warm up Maya’s dinner in the hopes that putting some distance between her body and her wife’s would allow her hormones to calm down.

Turning on the oven for the second time that evening, Carina couldn’t help but smile at the thought of intimacy with her wife. She used to believe she knew everything about being intimate with someone, but marriage had added new layers to their relationship that had made her feel ten times closer to Maya. 

As she watched Maya still leaning over the back of the couch, not missing a detail of whatever Stella was telling her about the elephants in the documentary, she felt a fire even more intense than before spread over her entire body.

Nothing was sexier to her than watching Maya leaning into her role as a mother, fully, wholeheartedly. To watch her fall in love with every little new thing about their kids made Carina love her more than she ever thought possible. And as she took the lasagna dish out of the oven, she sent a silent thank you to the universe for only making them stronger every day.

Un giorno mi ringrazierai, topolina = you will thank me one day, little mouse

Chapter Text

Carina was literally skipping. They were done setting up for the clinic, and she couldn’t help the excitement that invaded her at the prospect of getting to help people in a new and foreign space. She had seriously underestimated how excited she would be.

She was currently standing in the small room Maya had cleared for them to use as a supply closet for the clinic, as well as a meeting room of sorts, and she was contemplating whether she should wear her lab coat over her scrubs or not. The lab coat made her look more professional, more like a real doctor, but Jack had made a passing comment about how the people attending the clinic probably feared doctors –he had actually said they disliked doctors– and she wanted to make sure everyone felt safe enough to return.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see anyone entering the room until she felt a pair of arms wrapping around her waist, pulling her back against a very familiar body.

“What are you doing up here?,” Maya asked, before dropping a kiss on her dark blue scrubs covered shoulder.

Carina had decided to forgo her usual pink scrubs because she wasn’t there under the original hospital structure, she was there as a physician and co-coordinator of the clinic, hence dark blue scrubs.

“I just decided I won’t be wearing my lab coat,” she explained, turning around in her wife’s arms, her own wrapping around Maya’s neck. 

“No? I happen to like your lab coat, a lot.”

“Hmm I know. But, Jack is right. Patients might be more willing to accept treatment if I look less official.”

Maya smiled at how serious her wife was taking her role in the clinic. For someone who had been so against it, she sure had come around to the idea. She knew Carina couldn’t help it, her wife was made to help others, it was one of the things she loved about her.

“You are amazing, and I love you.”

Carina hummed at the feeling of her wife’s kiss, happily getting lost on the way their mouths slipped against each other. She backed up, pulling her wife along, until she was pressed against the table in the center of the room. Her teeth nibbled on Maya’s lower lip as one of her hands started scratching at the back of her neck, making the fire captain’s body arch against hers.

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” Maya muttered between kisses and ragged breaths.

“Don’t worry, my wife is the captain.”

The growl that was about to leave Maya’s throat died before it could get out. Andy was standing on the threshold, watching them in amusement.

“My god, it’s been years. Can’t you keep it in your pants?” She scowled as she watched the couple separate, smiling sheepishly at each other as they fixed their clothes and hair. “We are about to open the doors, I figured you’d want to be present for it.”

“We’ll be down in a second,” said Maya.

“Oh no, no, no, no. I’m not leaving you two alone again.”

Carina lowered her gaze, biting her lip as she moved a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She sidestepped her wife and gave Andy a tight lipped smile as she walked out of the room, leaving the two best friends alone.

“Seriously?”

“What? Have you seen my wife?”

“Señor dame paciencia,” she said under her breath, following the fire captain out of the room.

It took a couple of hours for things to start flowing. 

It had taken longer than expected to get to see the first people walk through the barn, seeking medical assistance, but things started picking up after the first few patients trickled in. They were currently at half capacity, which Jack assured them was a good turnout – clearly trying to reassure himself more than anything else; so much was riding on this for him on a personal level. 

Maya was walking back from a call she had to take in her office, when she saw a familiar face sitting in one of the gurneys. Someone she hadn’t seen in years and whom she didn’t think she would ever see again.

“Hi, sweetie.”

She stood in place, shocked at both the tone and the smile on that face she had sought so many times during her childhood, looking for love and comfort, for protection, never really finding any of those.

“Mom. How- why- What are you doing here?,” she struggled to get her words out, and she didn’t dare to move closer to the woman.

“I hurt my wrist,” the woman said, holding said part of her body with her other hand. “I saw an ad about this clinic in the newspaper, and I thought it would be faster than going to the hospital. You know I don’t like hospitals.”

The firefighter that had been taking care of Maya’s mother looked between both women, trying to guess if he should leave or stay. Finally, Maya caught his eyes and he understood she would be taking over, which prompted him to leave.

Maya took a deep breath before she walked to where the box of gloves was. Taking two, she stood in front of her mother as she put them on.

“How did this happen?”

“You know how clumsy I can be. I was cleaning the bathroom and I slipped.”

“Mom…”

Maya clenched her jaw. She might have left their house and cut all contact with her family a decade ago, but she had never forgotten her father’s abuse – her complicated relationship with therapy and motherhood being evidence of that. Her mother was lying, and Maya had about two seconds to decide whether she cared to hear the truth or if she wanted to humor another one of her mother’s excuses.

She started touching the discolored area, scowling at the hisses her mother let out whenever she pressed the swollen flesh with her fingers. When she turned the wrist, she could see evenly spaced red marks that just confirmed her suspicions. She sighed then.

“I don’t think it’s broken, maybe just twisted.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. He just- you know how he can get, he didn’t mean to.”

“Stop,” she pleaded, as she grabbed a fresh package of bandages, wondering if she should call Warren or Carina to take a look at her mother’s wrist.

Her mother’s sniffles left her breathless, like someone was applying pressure to her chest. This was the woman that was supposed to protect her from the same man that had hurt her now. It shouldn’t be like this, she shouldn’t be the one bandaging her mother’s injuries. Not after all these years.

“You should have left him long ago. Mason did. I did. You should have.”

“It’s not that easy, he-”

“Well you should have tried harder!”

Maya looked around, trying to see if her raising her voice had caught the attention of those around her – she was really making sure Carina hadn’t heard her yell. She had worked really hard to keep her family away from the one she and Carina had built, she wouldn’t allow her parents to ruin their lives too. If she could help it, they would never meet her wife, and they would never even know about their daughters’ existence.

“You’re right,” her mother’s voice was so faint, Maya wondered if she had really spoken at all or if she had imagined it. “Maybe I should have taken up your wife on her offer.”

“What? My- what are you talking about?”

“She seems lovely, sweetie. Are you happy?”

“Mom, what do you mean my wife? How do you- when did you meet her?”

Maya’s mind was racing with a myriad of possibilities. She could feel her pulse racing at the mere thought of Carina being anywhere near her parents. Was it just her mom? Had Lane been there? Was it a casual run-in? But how would Carina know her parents? How would they know who she was?

“She came by the house the day of your wedding. She offered me a chance to go with her, to leave him. But I was too afraid. He would have looked for me, he would have found me eventually. And I didn’t want to ruin your life,” the woman started crying then, unable to contain her tears at that point. “I owed it to you, to let you have happiness. I could finally protect you from him, by staying away.”

Maya had stopped listening, however. A part of her was feeling the rage building up slowly, squelching every rational thought that asked her to keep her composure, to not blow up right there and then. The thoughts that told her to not seek out Carina and to confront her about her mother’s revelation. 

Because deep down she wanted to believe that her wife wouldn’t have kept something this big from her. She wanted to believe Carina wasn’t capable of talking about communication, and honesty and teamwork –the things that almost destroyed their relationship for good the first time around– while keeping such a monumental secret from her. A lie. 

So she remained calm. She held her breath as she finished bandaging her mother’s wrist, taping the ends together so it would hold, and walked away from the woman, not uttering another word. She needed some time to process what had just happened, to process the fact that the very foundation of her marriage had been hit by an eighteen wheeler at full speed, shaking its core.

She turned around when she heard the familiar laugh of her wife, finding her smiling at whatever Andy was animatedly telling her as they cleaned a gurney. There were only a few hours left before the clinic closed for the day and Maya figured she would be able to spend those hours holed up in her office without anyone missing her. She just had to make it through three more hours, and then she’d be home with her family. 

She prayed she could make it through dinner and the kids’ bedtime, that she wouldn’t blow up the minute she was home alone with her wife. She prayed her mom had been mistaken.

The ride back home was silent. As soon as they had gotten inside the Jeep, Carina realized the somber mood her wife was in and she had abruptly stopped excitedly sharing some of the cases she had encountered on the clinic’s first day. 

She had noticed her wife had disappeared at some point, towards the end, but she figured she had urgent ‘captaincy matters’ to tend to, so she hadn’t given it much thought. However, observing the way she was holding onto the steering wheel, her knuckles almost white from how hard she was grabbing it, and how the defined jaw she loved tracing with her teeth and lips was clenching, she could tell something was wrong.

“Did something happen?,” she tried, but Maya didn’t say anything. 

She frowned at the lack of an answer. Whenever they were alone, they would usually take the opportunity to have the difficult conversations, to talk about the things they didn’t want the kids to hear. Not always, though. Sometimes they just loved basking in the peace and quiet, basking in the comfort of each other’s presence. This wasn’t one of those times, however.

“Maya? I get that you might not want to talk but, will you at least look at me?”

“I can’t.” Maya cleared her throat, surprised at how shakey her voice had sounded.

Carina’s frown just deepened. “That doesn’t tell me anything about what’s going on. Maya, talk to me, please.”

She chanced resting her hand on top of her wife’s thigh. She took it back as soon as she felt the leg beneath her palm tensing up almost immediately. 

Maya’s bad mood was starting to take over her own, making her wish she had taken her own car to the station that morning. She crossed her arms and turned her head to look out the window, trying to focus on the gray skies and the lights passing them as they got closer to their street.

“I can’t talk right now. I just need some time, okay?”

Carina didn’t say anything, she just accepted her answer as best as she could while her mind was already making up scenarios that would explain the change in her wife. 

Unfortunately, her active imagination couldn’t live up to reality.

Señor dame paciencia = Lord give me patience

Chapter Text

Maya was avoiding Carina. As soon as they had gotten home, Maya had focused her attention on the girls as Carina cooked. During dinner, Maya was specially invested in anything Stella had to say, be it stories from daycare or random facts about animals she had just learned. Carina could see right through it, though. 

Yes, she knew Maya needed time to process big events and emotions before being able to address them, but this was more than that. She was purposely ignoring Carina, barely looking at her, keeping their communication strictly about their daughters. 

Once they put the girls to bed, Carina followed Maya into their bedroom, closing the door slowly as if any noise would set off her wife. She stood there, her back to the door, observing Maya as she fluttered around the room, gathering her clothes for the next day. She frowned. Maya wasn’t one for picking her clothes the night before unless they had a big day coming. Her wife was either stalling or...

“Maya, can we talk now?” 

She was proud of herself for keeping her voice from shaking, even though she was terrified of Maya’s reaction. However, her wife continued to rummage around the closet without answering her.

“Maya?,” she tried again.

“My mother came to the clinic. You didn’t see her?” She kept her answers clipped and her back to Carina. “I suppose you wouldn’t have known, since you’ve never met her.”

Carina’s hand went straight to her chest, absentmindedly touching the fabric as if looking for an entrance wound – Maya’s words had burned like a bullet.

The fire captain turned around, folding a beige sweater in her hands. Her eyes would not meet her wife’s who hadn’t moved since entering the room.

“She had a sprained wrist,” she continued, grabbing a pair of jeans next. “She said she fell in the bathroom, but I knew better. I knew it was him. She knew I knew.”

“Oh, Maya.”

“Wanna know what else she said?” She looked at her wife then, making sure her eyes were on her. “She said you were right, that she should have left him. Now, why would my mother say that, Carina?”

Carina’s chin quivered, knowing everything was about to change –if it hadn’t already– and fearing for what this secret might mean for them.

“You’re such a hypocrite,” Maya’s voice cracked at the accusation.

“Maya!”

“No, you are! All that talk about being a team, and honesty, and communication, and you were keeping this big secret from me! So much for never being one of those couples.”

Carina opened her mouth to speak, but she needed a second to gather her thoughts. She walked further into the room, setting the baby monitor down on her bedside table as she wet her lips. She was pulling her fingers now, aware that Maya was waiting for an answer.

“We were going to get married, you- you were going to adopt Stella, I wanted. I- I thought she- I wanted you to have your mother in your life, bambina. I wanted Stella to have a nonna. If there was even a chance that she would accept, that she would want to see the amazing person you have become, the life you have built for yourself. If there was even a chance that I could give you and our daughter one more person to love you, I had to try.”

Maya clenched her jaw, understanding Carina’s words. She knew her wife’s heart, she knew deep down Carina would always long for a big family, to have a motherly figure in her life. She couldn’t fault her for that. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you keep this from me?”

“I didn’t see the point,” Maya scoffed. “She didn’t show up at the wedding, she made her choice. I didn’t want to hurt you. Why wouldn’t I want to spare you that pain?”

Carina took a step closer to Maya, afraid she might bolt if she tried to encroach on her space, but desperate to feel closer to her, even if just physically.

“You should have told me. I would have stopped you.”

“Exactly! Which is why I didn't! If there was any chance that your mom could have been at our wedding, I wanted you to have that.”

“You don’t understand,” Maya shook her head, sidestepping her wife to open the dresser on the other side of the room.

“Then explain it to me! Why was what I did so wrong?” Carina was almost yelling now, her hands were pinched against her chest as she waited for an explanation.

“They destroyed me, Carina! The damage they did to me?” Maya turned around, eyes wide and jaw clenched as she tried not to yell. ”It almost destroyed us! And you're letting them do it again.”

Carina stood straight, tightening her jaw at the mention of their only other big argument, the one that had almost cost them their relationship before it had really started.

“No, Maya. You’re the one doing that.”

Maya huffed, turning around with a hand to her forehead. She couldn’t believe Carina was turning this on her. She was the one that kept the secret, she was the one in the wrong, right? She clawed at her chest, feeling like she couldn’t breathe, like there wasn’t enough air in the room. She was suffocating.

“I can't be here right now,” she croaked out, grabbing the clothes she had gathered.

“Maya, don’t do that. We are married now, don’t you run out on me! Maya!”

Carina followed her wife down the stairs, but her wife was already putting on her shoes before she shoved the clothes inside her backpack.

“Maya, please don’t leave. Bambina, please, let’s talk about this.” 

“Oh, now you want to talk? You’ve had two years to talk about this.”

She didn’t slam the door, but it still rattled Carina. The impact of watching her wife flee their home in a rage caused her to start sobbing immediately. She leaned her forehead against the front door, covering her mouth with her hand to make sure she wouldn’t wake up the girls.

She had tried to protect Maya from a secret that would have only deepened the scar her parents had carved after years of abuse and neglect. She had tried to spare her wife from knowing her own mother, alive and so close to them, didn’t want to be a part of her life now, away from Lane. Katherine Bishop had been offered a clean slate, a new chance at being a mother, a grandmother, and she had rejected it.

In her own eyes, she had done the right thing, keeping all that from Maya. But as she heard the Jeep leaving their driveway in the middle of the night, she realized perhaps she had been wrong.

*****

Maya had spent countless nights in her bunk, she usually didn’t have a hard time falling asleep there, but there were too many things preventing her from relaxing. She opened the small closet space and grabbed her work out clothes – black leggins and a red SFD muscle shirt– and walked straight to the gym.

She turned on the treadmill and picked a moderate speed to start with, feeling her breathing fall into a familiar pattern that relaxed her almost immediately. Her brain however seemed to be having a harder time, choosing to replay her argument with Carina instead.

She shook her head, increasing the speed slightly in an attempt to distract her brain, to get it to focus on her running. Sweat started to pool under her breasts, on her forehead, she could feel it seeping from her arms. She smiled. It was working.

“Maya? What are you doing here?”

She stumbled, struggling to jump off the machine to avoid tripping over her own feet. 

At first, she had contemplated sleeping in the guest bedroom, but she had discarded the idea as she didn’t want to risk Stella waking up in the middle of the night and knowing she was there, not knowing how to explain to her that, for the first time in her short life, her mothers weren’t together in “the big bed,” as she liked to refer to the bed in the master bedroom. 

So she had decided spending the night at the station would be the best option for everyone. Except she had forgotten about Andy, who had decided to take on a few extra hours with D shift.

“I just needed to burn some energy,” a lame excuse, she knew that.

“Was Carina working tonight?”

Andy’s salacious comment would have usually made her smile cockily, but right now it made her want to flee, pick a different hideout, where she wouldn’t need to make up stupid excuses as to why she wasn’t home, in bed with her wife, whom she loved more than life itself.

“Hey, is everything okay between you two?” she frowned at Maya’s forced nod. She knew better, though. Maya was her best friend after all. “We can stand here, and I will watch you try to come up with every bullshit excuse under the sun, or you can talk to me about whatever has you running back to the station on a night where your wife doesn’t work.”

“Carina has been keeping a secret from me since our wedding day.”

“What?! Carina? Our Carina?” Andy asked incredulously. “What kind of secret?” She was almost afraid to ask, but she also couldn’t imagine Carina purposely doing anything to hurt Maya. “Is there another person or-?”

“Andy! What the fuck? No!” Maya was offended on her wife’s behalf. How could anyone even think that about Carina? “It’s nothing like that.”

Andy nodded to herself, trying to gather her thoughts and to figure out how to best be supportive of her friends. 

“Is it something you two can’t come back from?” The answer scared her, because if Maya and Carina were to separate, she was sure everyone in their life would lose hope in love forever more.

“I don’t know. I just need time. I needed to leave the house, I couldn’t-” She nodded to herself, wetting her lips as she considered her friend’s question. “Yeah, I just need time.”

“Listen, you’ve been under a lot of stress, with Ross, a new baby, the clinic… Maybe you need to take a break. From everything.”

“You know I can’t do that. Andy. Not with a promotion in sight.”

Maya winced at her slip. No one was supposed to know about her aspirations in case she failed to make Battalion Chief. She couldn’t deal with anyone pitying her, or risking her team thinking she wanted to leave them.

“Wait, are you going for Battalion Chief?!”

“Shhh lower your voice!” Maya looked around, making sure no one from D shift had heard them. “That’s the idea, yes. But Ross complicates things, I don’t know where I stand with her.” 

“Oh my god, Maya.”

“You can’t tell anyone, Andy! I’m serious. Only Carina knows.”

“Jesus, no wonder you’re fleeing again.”

“I’m not fleeing,” she argued, taking offense as her friend stared pointedly at her. “I’m not! I’m not leaving my wife, if that’s what you’re implying. I just needed space to think, okay?”

Andy lifted her hands in a sign of innocence, not wanting to make the fire captain even more irascible than she already was. Whatever had happened between her and Carin had clearly rattled her, and she didn’t have any intention of adding to it.

“Just do me a favor, don’t spend the entire night running.”

She didn’t. After taking a quick shower, Maya laid back down in her bunk, trying for the second time to fall asleep. Her phone buzzed a couple of times, reminding her that she hadn’t checked her phone since she had left the house.

She had five missed calls from Carina and two texts asking her to come back, asking where she was. The last one simply read “I hope you’re safe” and she felt compelled to answer. As hurt as she was at what had unraveled that night, she didn’t want to make Carina suffer. 

“I am,” she typed before hitting send.

Chapter Text

Carina woke up startled. She didn’t remember falling asleep at all, and judging by the fact that she was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing that evening, she hadn’t intended to do it at all. 

She was lying on Maya’s side of the bed, and she could see tear stains on the pillow case. She rubbed her face to see if she was still crying and was satisfied to find no trace of wetness on her fingers. She got up then, her brain finally registering why she had woken up so abruptly. 

Stella was crying, loudly. She knew that cry meant her daughter was in pain.

She rushed into the little girl’s room, turning on the light as she entered. She found Stella sitting on the floor, holding her hands to her face, red and full of snot and tears.

“Oh, cucciola. Chè è successo?” She knelt on the ground, feeling little arms wrapping around her immediately as the little girl cried harder. “Shhh va bene. Calmati, calmati.”

Carina moved back a little, trying to take a look at her daughter to see what the problem was. She looked at her shaking body, not finding anything out of place, but she frowned when Stella kept touching her head.

“Stellina, hai sbattuto la testa?” she tsked at the little nod, feeling a little bit like crying too. “Fammi vedere la testa. Andrà tutto bene, te lo prometto.”

She pressed Stella’s head slightly, flinching at the pain she was causing her daughter, but relieved when she didn’t find anything to worry about, other than a small bump already forming. 

“Did you fall off the bed? What happened?”

“Firebear felled and I tried to grab him and bam!” the little girl explained, pointing at the bedside table by her bed, her body shaking with hiccups now.

“You hit your head against this?” Carina asked, pointing at the bedside table, wanting to make sure she understood what had happened. 

“It huwts,” she whined as she touched her head again.

“Lo so, topolina.”

She kissed her daughters head, holding her in her arms as she got up, making sure to lean over and grab Firebear as well. She carried Stella in her arms, turning off the light as they exited the room and stood in the hallway. 

“Let’s get you some water, okay?” Stella nodded softly against her shoulder. 

Carina had made sure to instill in her daughter the habit of drinking water after a heavy crying session, making sure she would try to stay hydrated and minimize her chances of a headache. As she walked down the stairs, she kept trying to make conversation with Stella, trying to keep her awake and assessing her alertness.

She watched her drink eagerly from the glass Carina was holding for her, wondering if perhaps they should go to the hospital. Once the little girl was done, Carina left the glass in the sink and lifted her daughter’s face, trying to check her pupils. They looked normal, which made her feel some sense of relief, but perhaps she could at least call Amelia, just for her peace of mind.

Shepherd had insisted they went in just to make sure nothing was amiss. She had told them to go straight to her office, bypassing the ER, which Carina wasn’t entirely too convinced about, but she had listened nonetheless. That’s where they were now, with Isabella thankfully sleeping in her car seat carrier, and a grumpy little girl sitting on her mom’s lap as her auto-proclaimed favorite aunt flashed a light in her eyes.

“So you haven’t noticed any slurred speech, or any dizziness, or nausea in the last forty minutes, correct?”

“It is four in the morning, so she is feeling a bit drowsy,” Carina clarified, caressing her daughter’s hand in a back and forth motion with her thumb.

“We are getting a CT scan just to make sure everything is okay.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Amelia.”

“Look, we both know how things can change in the blink of an eye. She is fine now, but if we miss something… I just want to make sure we don’t.”

Carina nodded, watching as her friend took Stella in her arms so she could grab the car seat. She handed the teddy bear to Amelia, who immediately gave it to Stella and they exited the office, the neurosurgeon explaining to the little girl what was about to happen.

Carina was grateful for her friend, who was trying to make a CT Scan sound like the most exciting adventure ever, preventing Stella from getting scared as they walked to radiology, where Amelia talked to the technicians and asked them to page her when everything was ready.

“Is there anyone you need me to text?” Amelia asked, rocking back and forth with a calm Stella in her arms. Carina shook her head. “Is Maya working tonight?”

“She had an emergency at the station.”

Lying on a day like that left Carina with a bitter taste. A lie had gotten her here, alone in the hospital with her daughters, without the ever solid and reliable presence of her wife. 

But Maya had left, that had been entirely her choice. 

Ten minutes later, Carina was squirming under the weight of the lead vest wrapped around her torso, holding onto Stella’s little hand and singing to her to keep her calm. On the other side of the thick wall and glass, Amelia was watching over Isabella, still conked out and oblivious to the night’s excitement, as she waited for the scan results to appear.

“Did you drive here?”

The distorted voice startled Carina, being the first time on this side of the room. Usually she was the one talking to patients though the microphone, something she had grown accustomed to during her pain management study.

“Yes.”

Amelia pursed her lips at the clipped response. She knew there was something off with Carina, she had noticed it as soon as she had arrived in her office with both kids in tow and a rigid posture. What was especially suspicious was the fact that her friend hadn’t reached for her phone, not even once. 

She sighed, watching expectantly as the images started slowly loading on the screens. She leaned closer so she could inspect every millimeter, making sure she wasn’t missing anything. Once they were fully loaded, she indicated they were done, as she took a second look at the images.

“Everything looks normal,” Amelia said as soon as Carina appeared in the room with a now fully dressed Stella in her arms. “Hear that? Your booboo is only on the outside. No booboo inside your head,” she explained to her goddaughter, as she playfully pinched a sock covered foot, making the little girl giggle.

“Thank you, Amelia.”

“Don’t mention it. Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

*****

Maya frowned as she saw Carina’s Porsche in the driveway. She was sure it had been in the garage when she left home last night. Her brain tried to fill in the gaps, trying to come up with possibilities as to why Carina would have used the car. Did she go out looking for her? The rational part of her knew Carina wouldn’t have woken up the girls just to go on a wild goose chase around Seattle, and she wouldn’t have left them alone either. 

But it was the vaguely familiar gray BMW parked in front of their house that sparked even more questions as she stopped her Jeep behind Carina’s car. She stayed in the vehicle for a few moments after taking the key out of the ignition. 

When she had woken up at the station, all she had thought about was getting home in time to have breakfast with the kids and seeing them off to daycare, but she hadn’t given much thought to what she would say to Carina.

She knew she had probably overreacted, leaving like that in the middle of the night, and Carina had a right to be hurt by the way she had simply left. It wasn’t something Maya was proud of. Even though a part of her thought she wasn’t in the wrong for how she left. Whatever the case, she was feeling almost ashamed of her behavior.

She sighed, finally gathering the courage to walk up to the front door, frowning when she found it unlocked, another thing out of place that morning. As she stepped inside, she found the first floor suspiciously child free. She closed the door behind her as she let her backpack slide off her arm until it hit the floor with a soft thud. 

Just as she was unzipping her jacket, she saw Carina appear from down the hallway, presumably coming from the downstairs bathroom. Her wife stopped abruptly when she saw her there, lifting her chin almost defiantly. 

Maya got the message, her wife was not impressed by her behavior, and she probably deserved the cold shoulder. However, that didn’t erase the fact that Carina had hid something from her for, literally, the entirety of their marriage.

“Hi, are the girls still asleep?”

Carina lifted her eyebrows, internally seething at the fact that Maya was probably hiding behind their children again to avoid talking like adults. She clenched her jaw, trying to take a breath to prevent herself from yelling.

“Maya,” she started, but she was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Okay, kid number 2 is finally asleep. I had to explain to her how the “big noisy box” works but she’s finally out like a light.”

Amelia Shepherd looked between the two women, her smile freezing in place as she felt the air practically cracking with electricity. She cleared her throat, looking at Carina before giving her a tight smile and going straight for the coffee pot. 

“What’s the “big noisy box”? What is she doing here?” Maya asked, trying to make herself sound calm and composed, despite feeling anything but.

“Amelia just came to check on us,” Carina pulled nervously at her fingers, her eyes moving to the kitchen as they heard the coffee machine come to life. “We had to go to the hospital – it wasn’t anything serious.”

“We? Carina, what happened?”

“Oh, I thought you would have told her already,” Amelia said innocently, sipping from her freshly made espresso. “Stella bumped her head so I ran a CT scan. Her tender little brain is all good, though. You’re welcome.”

Carina closed her eyes, wishing she had had the chance to explain things to her wife, definitely with much less cheerfulness. 

“Oh, so what? I leave for one night and you just decide to sweep in and steal my family?”

“Maya!” Carina yelled in outrage.

“Woah! Easy there, tiger.” Maya clenched her jaw, which made Amelia scoff. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but Carina was overwhelmed last night. Someone had to be there for them.”

“Amelia, you’re not helping,” Carina whined, basically pleading for her friend to stop talking.

“Right. Thanks for the coffee, DeLuca. Call me if anything changes. At any time.”

Carina nodded, grabbing the now empty espresso cup as she watched Amelia leave their house. She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding as soon as they were alone, her face tensing up when she looked at her wife.

“What is wrong with you? How could you say those things to Amelia?”

“What did you want me to think? I had to find out from her that my kid was in the hospital with a possible concussion,” she argued as she followed Carina into the kitchen.

“Well, Maya, it’s not like you were exactly around, no?” She observed the tightening of a strong jaw as her wife looked away. “Nobody told you to leave, that was your choice.”

“You could have called, or texted me!”

“Oh, right! Because you would have picked up when you saw it was me.”

Maya sneered at her wife’s sarcasm. She accepted the hit, however, she had that one coming. 

“I’m just saying, I should have known. You should have been the one to tell me.”

“And I planned to! But I also didn’t know when you’d come back, Maya. It’s hard to tell with you.”

Carina turned around to start washing the mug Amelia had used so she could have something to distract her from the anger she could feel building up. She didn’t want to keep bringing Maya’s past mistakes to the present, but this entire situation had started precisely because of a past mistake, hers.

“Wow, really? Are we bringing that up again? I’m here precisely because I didn’t want you to think this was like that. I would never give up on my kids, or you.”

“Well I can’t read your mind.”

Carina’s voice had lost its edge and she now sounded sad, exhausted. Like everything that had happened in the last few hours was finally catching up to her. 

“I’m sorry I left like that. I love you.”

“I know, Maya. And I love you too. But love is not enough to fix this,” she pointed back and forth between them as she shook her head. 

Maya lowered her gaze, her fingernail playing with the edge of the kitchen table as she tried to find a way out of the spiral they seemed to be trapped in right now.

“What happened?”

“Stella’s teddy bear fell from the bed, so she leaned over to grab it and fell over, hitting her head on the bedside table. She didn’t have a concussion but Amelia told me to bring her in just to make sure we weren’t missing anything.” 

“Was she scared?” Maya swallowed, trying not to let her emotions overwhelm her. 

Despite their argument, she trusted Carina when she said their daughter was physically okay. However, the idea of not being there for her little star when she was scared felt like a dark shadow sleazing its way into her chest and squeezing her heart, leaving her breathless.

“She was mostly sleepy,” Carina explained with a chuckle. “But the CT scan machine gave her some pause. I was with her, though. She was very brave.”

Maya puffed her chest out in pride. Of course Stella was brave, she was the bravest little girl, and she deserved to have both her mothers there whenever she was in pain. If something more serious had happened to her, she would have never forgiven herself.

As if sensing her distress, Carina softly touched her arm, getting her to look away from the wooden surface and to her wife’s face instead. She had bags under her eyes, she looked exhausted, but as beautiful as ever.

“Hey, she’s okay. Nothing happened.”

“It might have. And I wasn’t here. You have every right to be mad at me.”

“No, you weren’t. But you’re already punishing yourself for it. I know you.” Carina mirrored the small smile on her wife’s face. “I’m exhausted, I’m going to bed. Are you staying?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll keep an eye on the girls, you go rest.”

Carina offered her a tight lipped smile as she slowly made her way upstairs, leaving a pensive Maya in the kitchen.

Oh, cucciola. Chè è successo? = Oh, puppy. What happened?

Shhh va bene. Calmati, calmati = Shh it's okay. Calm down, calm down

Stellina, hai sbattuto la testa? = Stellina, did you hit your head?

Fammi vedere la testa. Andrà tutto bene, te lo prometto = let me see your head. It'll be okay, I promise

Lo so, topolina = I know, little mouse

Chapter Text

Maya winced as she turned on the blender, realizing just how loud it sounded when no one else was fluttering around. She sighed as soon as it was over, taking a second to listen for any sound of upset – no crying baby or toddler, no grumpy Italian wife. She was good.

She emptied her smoothie on a tall cup and took a sip, smiling as the fresh flavors touched her taste buds. That's when her wife's presence right behind her made her jump, almost dropping the contents of her cup on her scare.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“I was already awake,” Carina explained, rubbing her face with a hand, “Stella crawled into bed with me and I couldn't fall back asleep.”

“How is she doing?” Maya gave everything a rinse before she put it all in the dishwasher.

“Good, just a tiny bump. She's going to milk it, though,” she added, smiling softly at the thought of their daughter wanting to be pampered.

“Oh, for sure!,” Maya smiled, watching as her wife poured herself some orange juice. “Carina, I- I’m sorry again for leaving. I should have thought before I did that.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Carina's voice lost all trace of softness as she was forced to revisit the hurt from the night before. “I know what I did hurt you, Maya, and we still need to talk about it.”

“But?” 

“But I can't talk to you if I think you're going to bolt every time we have a fight. I won't.”

Maya leaned against the sink, grabbing the edge with her hands. She lowered her faze, embarrassed at what she had caused. They never had a problem communicating, their arguments never escalated like it did last night. She doesn't even know why she left, she just needed a second to feel like she could breathe again. She just didn't know how to tell her wife that, how to explain.

“I'm sorry, I wish I could promise I won't run again,” she paused, shaking her head. “But I don't know that I won't.”

“I know,” Carina seemed eerily calm, as if she had been expecting that answer from her all along, even before she had brought up the topic. “But we can't live like this. I can't walk on eggshells, afraid to bring up an important topic in case you get mad and leave. You need to look into that, my love. Soon.”

Maya watched as her wife left the kitchen with her glass of juice still in her hand – no hug, no morning kiss, no I love yous were exchanged. She looked up at the ceiling, contemplating her options. She knew Carina was right, she needed to figure out why she had left to begin with, so she would never leave again.

*****

Maya set the cup of tea in front of her guest, rubbing her hands nervously on her denim covered thighs before she took a seat on the other side of the kitchen table.

“Thank you for coming here. After what happened last night, I didn't want to leave the house. I’d offer to go to the office, but Carina is on a zoom call with some relatives from Italy.”

Diane Lewis took a sip of her tea, wetting her lips as she observed Maya's nervous tells rapidly manifesting. She smirked.

“Maya, this is more than okay. Now, why don't you tell me why I'm here.”

“We opened a clinic. At ‘19’.”

“I know, it's very impressive.”

“Is it?”

“You don't think so?” asked Diane, her face completely devoid of any sort of expression.

“Gibson went to Ross about it, behind my back. Ross went to the mayor, and to Carina's boss, who then roped my wife into helping out.” Maya rushed out, leaning back on her chair in an attempt to calm down. “Nobody talked to me about it. I'm the captain of the station and apparently, apparently I don't have a say!”

“You feel invalidated,” Diane took a guess.

“My mom showed up. Opening day. No warning. She just appeared, with a twisted wrist, trying to make me believe she did it to herself.” She avoided looking at Diane. Instead, she smiled when she heard muffled squeals from the back of the house. “Sorry about that. Italians. They are loud.”

Diane smiled then, taking note of the changes in Maya's demeanor at hearing her family down the hall. 

“Carina met my mom. On our wedding day.” Diane raised her eyebrows at that, not expecting that sort of segue. “She went to my parents house and invited them to our wedding.” Maya scoffed sarcastically, as if the idea sounded preposterous to her. “She didn't tell me. My wife, the queen of communication, hid this huge thing from me for two years.”

Diane hugged her mug of tea with both hands, finding the warmth from the painted porcelain grounding. “Did you ask her why?” Maya nodded. “And what did she say?”

“That she did it to protect me. That she didn't want me to know my parents didn't want to come to our wedding,” she huffed. “In other news, water is wet!”

“So does it bother you that they didn't come?”

“What? No! Didn't you hear what I said? Carina lied to me.” Diane hummed, taking another sip of her tea, which just made Maya more nervous. “I haven't talked to my parents in years, I knew they weren't coming to my big, queer wedding.”

“It sounds to me like you are upset they didn't attend the wedding after all.” She lifted a finger, putting an end to whatever Maya was about to say. “Isn't it possible that now that you know they knew about your wedding, you are hurt to know they decided not to attend? Perhaps you feel they are rejecting you again?”

Maya frowned. Her leg was bouncing under the table. Everything in her was telling her to run but she couldn't. She had called Diane precisely because she needed to stop running. She took into consideration Diane's words, and maybe she was right, to a point. 

On her wedding day, she didn't even think about her parents, not once. It was her, Carina and Stella against the world. There was no room in her head, nor her heart, for anyone else. Definitely not for the father that abused her, and the mother who did nothing to stop him. But they had known about their wedding, her then wife-to-be had given them a chance to show up for her, and they didn't. 

“Maya it's okay to feel hurt. I would be hurt too if my parents had declined coming to my wedding, or meeting my kids.”

“They are so good. They are the best girls,” Maya said with a sad smile. “We were good too, Mason and I. We tried to be the best kids so he wouldn't yell or throw stuff. But it was never enough.”

“I know.”

“So why do I care? Who gives a damn that they didn't come? I didn't want them there!”

“We all want to be loved and accepted by our parents. You, me, your wife…”

Maya picked at her fingernails, frowning as she tried to put her thoughts in order, to put words to her feelings. Everything was a jumbled mess in her brain.

“Carina knows how much they hurt me. Why would she even try? What did she expect? And then she just hid it from me. Is it that easy for her? What else is she able to hide from me?”

“Wow, okay. Let's take a step back. I understand being upset because Carina hid something from you, your feelings are valid, Maya. You are allowed to be hurt. But let's not play hypothetical. Let's focus on what did happen.”

Maya nodded her head, trying to calm down. She got up then, walking to the sink and filling a glass with water, drinking it in two big gulps. She stayed like that, her back to Diane, her eyes looking out the kitchen window into their backyard, for a moment, just breathing.

“Are you alright? Do you need us to stop for the day?”

“I just don't understand how she could do this to me. She knew how I felt, like everyone was dismissing me, not taking my opinion into consideration for anything, and she does this.”

“Maya, Carina didn't take this decision two years ago expecting it to blow up when you're feeling the most vulnerable.”

Maya rolled her eyes at Diane's sarcasm, finally turning around and taking her seat at the table.

“I understand your anger,” Diane continued, “but I also understand Carina's need to save you from the pain of feeling rejected by your parents. A feeling that, from what little you have told me about her, she's very familiar with.”

“Shit,” Maya muttered.

She hadn't even thought about what Carina must have felt when she realized none of their parents wanted either one of them. Her wife had stood in front of their friends and family, hoping Maya’s parents would show up, and putting on a brave front so Maya wouldn't know she was hurting, that her heart was probably broken for both of them, for the little girls that grew up seeking their parents' love and approval. And she had hid it so well, Maya hadn’t suspected anything was amiss.

Maya crossed her arms and rested them over the table, lowering her chin as she garnered a better understanding of Carina’s motivations to do what she did. Her heart was in the right place – she too would do anything to protect her wife and kids.

Yeah, forgiving Carina was easy, and if she was honest with herself she already had. She had chosen to see Carina’s true intentions and she had decided she couldn’t fault her wife. 

But that still left an elephant in the room. 

“I ran, when she told me. That's why I called you. I grabbed some clothes and I ran.”

“Maya…”

“I know, I know what a terrible person I am. I left my wife and our kids, and- and then Stella…” she tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she recalled the events from the night before. “I don't want to run anymore.”

“Maya, you're human, and you felt overwhelmed by unexpected events during a very stressful moment in your life. Carina is your safe place, where you have always felt the outside world couldn't harm you. Am I wrong?” She waited until she saw Maya shaking her head. “You hold your wife on a pedestal, but you get mad at her the moment she moves an inch off that high place where you hold her. Does that feel familiar?”

“I thought my father could do no wrong. I tried, and tried to please him because I thought he was perfect, that he was always right. But he wasn't.”

“No, he wasn't. And neither is your wife. She's human, capable of very human mistakes. But you have to be able to recognize the intent behind her actions. It sounds to me like you have a very healthy marriage, with a wife that would move heaven and earth to make sure you feel safe and loved. Do you feel that way? Do you feel that she wants you to feel safe and loved?”

“Every second of every day.”

“Until you didn't. And the minute you thought you had no safe place left, you ran.”

“How can I stop myself next time?”

Dianna shifted in her chair, looking straight as Maya. She was almost surprised at seeing the fire captain looking intently at her, set on finding a solution.

“Do you feel safe with Carina?”

“Yes, of course!”

“Even if she makes mistakes?” Maya lowered her gaze to try and hide her smirk. Diane was pleased to see her smile. “Focus on that, then. On the certainty that there's no place to run to, because you are already at the safest place you can be.”

“Thank you.”

“It's always a pleasure to pick that brain of yours.”

Maya was going to reply, when they heard music start playing from the other side of the house. Maya chuckled when she identified the song, getting up and signaling for Diane to follow her.

As they got closer to the office on the far end of the hallway, the lyrics for “Baby Love” were perfectly recognizable. Maya slowly pushed open the door to the office, immediately smiling at the sight. She moved out of the way so Diane could take a peek.

Carina was cradling Isabella in one arm, holding onto one of her little hands and dancing around the room, making the baby squeal in delight at the motions. In front of her, Stella jumped around as she tried to sing whatever words she remembered from the song. It was beautiful, joyous, and heartwarming.

Diane took a step back and looked at Maya, whose head was leaning against the door frame with a dreamy smile. 

“Allow yourself to be happy.”

“Thank you.”

“Get in there, I’ll see myself out.”

Maya smiled at the psychologist before she opened the door wider, taking a step inside and laughing as Stella ran to her as soon as she saw her –the small booboo on her head all but forgotten–, jumping into her arms without fear.

“It's our song!”

“It is!”

She spun around with Stella in her arms, grinning widely at the toddler's melodious laugh, dancing closer to her wife as she followed the beat, harmonizing with the song playing from Carina's laptop.

And as she allowed herself to soak every ounce of happiness and love in that room, Maya realized Diane had been right: there's no place for her to run to. She's already where she's supposed to be. Always.

Chapter Text

“Come in.”

Maya rose from her seat as soon as she saw Natasha Ross entering her office, once again, unannounced. She didn’t recall having a meeting scheduled, and she hadn’t heard from the usual grapevine that the Chief would be stopping by, so she was curious as to why she was standing in her office with what looked almost like a condescending smile.

“Hello, Bishop. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Of course not, always happy to see you, Chief.” She took her seat again, trying to school her features. “Did I forget a meeting?”

“No, this isn’t an official visit, actually. May I?” Ross pointed to one of the chairs, sitting down as soon as she received the captain’s nod. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a while, and I think this is as good a time as any.”

Maya brought the chair closer to her desk, straightening her spine. She dropped the pen she had been writing with and laced her hands together in front of her, bracing herself for whatever had brought the Chief down to her office without an appointment.

“I’ll go straight to the point. Bishop, I know you are waiting for Bruckner’s retirement to apply for the position of Battalion Chief. And I admire that, I do. I respect ambition. I like that you know what you want and won’t shy away from wanting it.”

Maya smiled nervously, none of what the Chief was saying sounded promising. 

“No offense, Chief. But you said you’d go straight to the point. I’d appreciate it if you actually did.”

“You’re not getting the promotion.”

“What?”

Maya watched, incredulous, as Ross shifted uncomfortably on her seat. The usually posed woman didn’t seem to be at ease with that decision. The firm tone she had used and her body language didn’t seem to agree, which just further confused the fire captain.

“Chief, I-”

“It’s nothing you did or didn’t do, Bishop. I can tell you that much. You are an extraordinary candidate, and I’m sure you will probably be a good Chief someday. Just not now.”

“Probably… Someday…” Maya scoffed. She pressed her tongue against the inside of her cheek as she tried to hold back. “May I know why I’m being passed over for the position?”

“When I took this job, there were things already set in motion, measures, and promises made. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

“I honestly don’t.”

Ross lowered her gaze, tightening her lips. “I am not at liberty to share the intricacies of the fire department, but I’m sure you understand some decisions were made before I got the job. Like certain promotions,” she watched as the fire captain’s expression changed, finally catching on. “I’m sorry, Bishop. But my hands are tied.”

“What do you mean your hands are tied?” 

Maya lowered her hands to her lap, trying to hide how hard she was clenching her fists, trying to channel the rage she felt bubbling up her chest, pressing down on her sternum.

“Just hang in there, I will personally recommend you for the next promotion opportunity available. You just have to wait.”

Chief Ross got up from her chair, giving the conversation for finished. She said what she had to say and she was sure she had overstayed her welcome. She walked to the door, and as soon as her hand made contact with the handle, Captain Bishop spoke again.

“We thought a female Chief would bring real change to the department –ideally it would have been me–, but you’re just doing things the same way the men before you did. Is the job everything you ever wanted?”

“Bishop, you are out of line,” her stern tone was a clear warning, as was the anger in her face. Bishop smirked.

“Yes, Chief. Sorry, Chief.”

Maya remained rooted to her seat for a few extra moments. Once she was sure no one else was going to enter her office, she got up slowly and entered her bunk. As soon as the door was closed behind her, the tears started to flow. 

She covered her eyes with her hands as she clenched her teeth, trying not to make a sound that would alert anyone of her state. 

She was heartbroken. 

Maya had sacrificed so much to climb the ladder, to be the perfect cadet, the perfect firefighter, the perfect captain… And for what? All her life she was taught sacrifice would bring rewards, but that wasn’t always true.

So what was all her effort for? Why had she sacrificed so much of her life?

The system was not built for hard workers.

*****

Maya had gotten home before Carina and the girls, which didn’t happen often. She hadn’t felt like staying longer than necessary at the station. Today, she had grabbed her stuff, clocked out on the hour, and she hadn’t looked back. 

She had grabbed Isabella and her diaper bag out of Carina’s arm the very second they had made it through the door, sparing a few seconds to kiss her wife and eldest daughter, and she had gone upstairs.

They were currently lying down on the rug in the middle of the nursery, Isabella gurgling happily as Maya shook one of her favorite toys in front of her, shaking it in front of her face. Sometimes she would bump the toy softly against Isabella’s nose, making the girl laugh hysterically every time.

She smiled when she saw a blur passing by the door, followed by a much calmer Carina, who was yelling at Stella in Italian for running without her shoes on. A few minutes later, Stella barged into the room, plopping down on her knees to kiss Isabella on her tiny head.

“Tummy time!,” Stella exclaimed, as she clapped for her sister, making Maya smile.

“You used to love tummy time too,” Maya said, getting the little girl’s attention focused on her. “I would lay with you and just watch you grunt and drool all over the place.”

Maya smiled as she recalled the very first time she saw Stella laying on her stomach, and how she had needed Carina to reassure her it was perfectly normal – in fact, it was a terrific sign of development. She was glad Isabella was finally at a stage where Maya could easily compare both girls, where she could give Stella some insight into her own first months of life.

“I don’t dwool!” 

“Not now, but you used to,” she told her with a smile, amused by the disgruntled face the three year old made.

Maya lifted her eyes when she saw Carina’s figure blocking the doorway, her shadow covering all three of them. Her wife tried to return her smile, but it was clear to Maya that her heart wasn’t in it. Carina was worried about her, and she knew it, but she just couldn’t talk. Not yet.

She brought her eyes back to Stella before allowing her to grab Isabella’s toy from her hands so she could wave it at her sister, encouraging her to move. It was a bit too early for Isabella to start crawling, but Stella was too young to understand time yet – a few more months felt like an eternity in ‘toddler time’.

“Are you sad?”

Maya blinked rapidly, confused as to why her daughter was asking. “Why would you say that?”

“You look sad,” the little girl offered with a shrug.

Maya opened her mouth, ready to deny her state of sadness for her daughter’s sake, but she looked at Carina. When their eyes met, she shook her head. Maya understood. Carina once told her it was healthy for Stella to see them be honest about their emotions, and to see them work through them in a healthy way, because that would validate hers. 

“I am. A little. And you know what?” Stella shook her head as she waited for an answer. “You’re a very smart little girl for picking up on that.”

Stella smiled wide. Her toothy grin was contagious, making Maya scrunch up her nose in response. To her surprise, Stella crawled over to her, wrapping her little arms around her neck and giving her a noisy kiss on the cheek.

“I wuv you, mommy. Don’t be sad.”

Maya sat up, bringing Stella onto her lap with one arm. She shook her head, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill as she looked down at the sweet face of the three year old looking up at her.

“No more sadness. You made it all go away.”

She kissed Stella’s head, resting her mouth there for longer than usual, thanking her lucky stars for bringing this beautiful family into her life. She looked at her wife, who had fully entered the room and seemed to decide tummy time was over, because she was now holding Isabella in her arms as she looked at Maya holding their eldest.

“I love you,” Carina mouthed, smiling when Maya said it back.

The sadness was palpable to Carina, she knew as much happiness their daughters brought them, a hug and a kiss wasn’t always enough to chase the darkness away. She had watched Maya smile and laugh through dinner, and baths, and story time, but those blue eyes she loved so much lacked any brightness, they looked clouded.

She had been waiting for the dam to break, for the moment where her wife could finally stop pretending. As soon as the door to their bedroom clicked closed behind her, she found herself with her arms full of a crying firefighter clinging to her.

She wrapped her arms around Maya, caressing the back of her head as she held her close, feeling the dampness spread over the shoulder of the old Grey Sloan sweatshirt she had chosen to wear that evening. She tightened the arm around her wife’s waist, bringing the other down from her head to caress the expanse of her back in a circular motion.

Carina wanted to scream on her behalf, she wanted to tell Maya to let it out, but she also wanted to whisper that she was safe there, in her arms. She just held onto her wife, remaining solid and immovable so Maya could break down knowing Carina would hold her in place, that she would put her back together.

After a few minutes, the body in her arms stopped shaking. 

Carina didn’t recall when she had started swaying in place, gently rocking them as she would one of their children, but it had seemed to work to soothe her wife just as well. She moved her head back, cleaning the tears away from Maya’s face, looking for her eyes.

Maya nodded softly, wetting her lips and taking a step back as she moved to sit down on their bed, Carina sitting to her left. She sighed, rubbing her hands on her thighs as she tried to find the words to relay what had transpired between her and Ross that afternoon. 

“Ross came into my office today to tell me I don’t need to apply for the Battalion Chief position once Bruckner retires.” 

Maya avoided looking at her wife as she explained, choosing to look at the dresser in front of them instead. She knew that, if her eyes met Carina’s even for a fleeting second, she would break down again. And she really needed to get these words out.

“She said that-, well, she implied that the job was promised to someone else.”

“What? Ho- how? To who?”

“Whom,” Maya corrected under her breath before continuing. “I don’t know, she didn’t say. She just said someone else was getting a promotion and that I should wait for my turn.”

“But that makes no sense. She’s the Chief, no? She can change that.”

Maya smiled at her wife’s confusion, at the outrage in her voice. She blindly sought out Carina’s hands with hers, squeezing it before bringing it to her lap to hold it between both of hers.

“She could, but she doesn’t want to.” Her voice cracked, and that’s when she finally chanced looking at Carina, finding nothing but support and quiet rage on her behalf. “I’m sorry. I really thought I stood a chance, I- I’m sorry.”

“Maya…” 

Carina’s heart broke anew. She turned her body on the bed so she could wrap her arms around her wife, leaning her head against Maya’s and kissing her hair repeatedly.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, bambina.”

“I wanted to- I promised I would become- For us, for our family. I wanted to make you all proud. I really tried.”

“Hey! Look at me.”

Maya resisted a bit until both of Carina’s hands cradled her face, forcing her to look at her wife – her features were set, she had rarely seen her look so serious.

“You are more than enough. You, Maya Bishop, as you are, you are all that we need. We are so proud of you. Me? I-” she shook her head, trying to find the right words in English so she could get her point across. “You are the most remarkable woman I have ever met. The smartest, most resilient, most loving, most beautiful woman. And I’m so proud of you, or the woman you’ve become – of the mother, and the wife, and the captain that you are. You are everything to our girls, and to me. Do you hear me? Everything.”

It was hard not to believe Carina with the fierce conviction with which she was speaking, and soon Maya found herself smiling timidly. Despite the self-doubt, the cruel voices lingering in the back of her head –one in particular–, she found the strength of her wife’s love lifting her up, away from the darkness, into the safety of Carina’s fierce and unwavering love. 

How could she have ever tried to run away from it?

“Carina, I’m sorry about the other day, about my mom. I-”

“No,” Carina shook her head vehemently, “We’re good.”

“I love you so much. You are everything, too. You, and the girls. You are all I need.”

Carina lunged forward, pressing her lips firmly against her wife’s, their tears mingling with their breaths as their kiss became softer, slower. Her hands moved from Maya’s face to her hair, pulling her closer to her body as they fell on their sides, their mouths never leaving each other for long.

Eventually, their kisses slowed down, parting for longer periods of time as they stared into each other’s eyes. No words were needed to communicate their love, their unwavering support of one another. And as they laid there tangled in each other arms, Carina’s fingers threading golden tresses and her warm brown eyes promising her endless love and devotion, Maya knew she would be alright.

It would hurt and sting for a while, she had a right to mourn the job she didn’t get a chance to fight for, to hate the system that pushed back against her hard work and ambition, but she would eventually be alright. 

As long as she had Carina’s unshakeable belief in her, she would be okay.

Chapter Text

Weeks ago, Maya would have made an effort to look presentable for an event like this. She would have worn her uniform and she would have tried to mingle with other captains, maybe even tried to charm some of the higher brass. But the invite said it was a casual get-together, and she didn’t exactly feel like celebrating, so she was wearing her Sapienza sweatshirt and the pair of jeans she had worn to work that morning as she drank cheap lukewarm champagne out of a plastic red cup.

To her detriment sometimes, being married to a woman as sophisticated as Carina meant she had developed a taste for finer drinks – older bourbon, Italian and Spanish wines, or French champagne. She looked at her cup with disgust, as if she was holding a cup of dirty water. She had taken a sip, that had to count for something, right? She left the cup on the small table holding the food and drinks as Andy approached her from the left.

“God, this place smells like a high school gym. You’d think for people who shower at least twice a day, this room would smell like roses.”

Maya snorted, looking as her friend popped a pig in a blanket in her mouth, chewing as if she hadn’t eaten in weeks.

“They get under your skin too?”

“Oh, yeah”, she replied, her mouth full. “Every time I see these many middle aged white men together, I start acting like a frat boy.” She wiped the grease from her hand in her uniform pants, seeing Maya’s look of disgust. “What? I’m washing them tonight, okay?”

Maya shook her head, turning to look as yet another man slapped the now retired Battalion Chief Clyde Bruckner on his back. She sneered at the scene.

“I can’t believe you weren’t even allowed to apply for the job. Do you know who is getting it?”

Andy had just finished her sentence, when a tall man in uniform stopped beside them, studying the spread of cold appetisers before he piled a bunch of everything onto his paper plate.

“Nice sweatshirt, Bishop. Is that Spanish?”

“It’s Italian, it’s my wif-”

“Yeah, I don’t really care. Enjoy the evening, ladies,” he burped then. “Oh, excuse me. I’ll be around for a little while longer if either one of you doesn’t want to go home alone tonight.”

“Get lost, Beckett,” Maya complained, a look of disgust on her face.

He smiled at her, sucking his fingers as he walked away. 

Andy faked a gagging sound as she abandoned her plate, her appetite long gone after their exchange with Captain Sean Beckett.

“My three year old knows how to tell a clamp and a hemostat apart,” Maya murmured almost as if talking to herself.

“What?”

“I’m just saying, my three year old might be smarter than Beckett. In fact, I know she is.”

“I can’t believe that guy still has a job. We all know he shouldn’t be in charge of anyone. Much less firefighters.”

Maya hummed, watching as Beckett vigorously shook hands with Bruckner, who patted his back. The whole thing left a sour taste in her mouth, and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. She had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

“I’m going to go. Carina isn’t working tonight and she’s making lasagna.”

“Ohh Carina’s lasagna…” Andy repeated, looking at her wistfully.

Maya chuckled, shaking her head at her friend. “Don’t you have laundry to do?”

“I can do it later,” Maya arched an eyebrow, making Andy pout. “Come on, I haven’t seen mis ahijadas in a while!”

“How many times do I have to tell you? You’re not their godmother!”

“I am, in spirit.” Maya rolled her eyes, swinging an arm around her friend’s shoulders and pulling her along. “Hey, it’s not my fault your wife picked a fancy neurosurgeon instead.”

“Will you ever drop it? She was already Stella’s godmother. We decided both girls should have the same one.”

“No, your wife decided it. You just went along with it,” Andy joked, earning a playful pinch on her arm, making her squeal as the sound of Maya’s laughter filled the empty parking lot.

*****

Before they knew it, their second clinic day was upon them. Elvis Crespo was playing from somewhere in the barn as they set up the cubicles. Vic was shaking her shoulders as she pushed equipment around the space, smiling as she crossed paths with Andy, who was flat out dancing merengue while holding several packs of gauzes in her hands, singing along to “Tu Sonrisa.”

Maya shook her head as she watched from her spot, perched on the edge of the table where her wife was currently checking their inventory with Ben, who was swaying slightly to the music as he wrote down the numbers Carina was giving him whenever she was done counting something.

“DeLuca, get in here!” 

Carina lifted her eyes to see Andy and Vic dancing a few steps ahead of her. Victoria’s movements were fluid even if they didn’t fit the traditional merengue steps, and Andy had her hands stretched out, waiting for Carina to accept.

The obstetrician chuckled, shaking her head as she rejected the idea. Andy wasn’t deterred, however, as she danced her way to her friend, grabbing her hands and pulling her away from the table.

“Come on, we know you can dance. Just follow my lead.”

Carina laughed as Andy spun her around a couple of times before they faced one another, their hips and legs moving surprisingly coordinated as the Italian tried to follow the beat.

“Ese ritmo, mamita! ” Andy exclaimed, delighted at her friend’s ability to follow the rhythm as Andy led her through the steps and spins.

Soon, everyone in the barn was cheering along, enjoying the show. 

Hughes had stepped away, giving them room to dance as the next song started playing. Jack was jokingly trying to follow along, making Montgomery laugh with his full body, throwing his head back at his clumsy movements. Ben Warren nodded in approval as he wiggled his eyebrows at Maya, who was blushing as she observed the scene in front of her.

She knew her wife could dance, she had seen her do it at home, at clubs even, numerous times, but something about how carefree and happy Carina looked whenever she was getting lost to music was so beautiful to Maya. She blushed as Andy winked at her over her wife’s shoulder, spinning Carina so fast her brown hair flowed around in the air.

Maya loved the small moments like this with her ‘19’ family. She knew they helped boost morale and it brought them all closer. Trying to look for the brighter side of things, she would have missed times like this tremendously if she had gotten the promotion.

As if hearing her thoughts, two figures entered the barn. The music stopped abruptly and everyone stood at attention as Ross and Captain Beckett walked further into the barn. Everyone but Andy and Carina, who were sharing a hug as they tried to regain their breath.

“I’m glad to see everyone in such high spirits for clinic day,” Ross’s voice made Andy stand at attention immediately. Natasha looked at Captain Bishop, nodding once. 

“Nineteen! Line up!,” Maya ordered, joining her crew at the head between the two lines of firefighters. And Carina, who just stood there awkwardly, not knowing whether to join the lines or to go back to setting up the clinic.

“Please, Doctor DeLuca, continue with whatever you were doing before the impromptu dance party,” Ross said, making up Carina’s mind for her.

Carina however looked at her wife, who gave her a reassuring nod which she returned before going back to setting up the clinic.

Andy looked at Maya with her eyes wide open, trying to point with her eyes and her chin to the man as subtly as she could, not wanting to get reprimanded by the Chief. Maya got the message, however, and that’s when she spotted the red round badges on Sean Beckett’s collar peeking from under his jacket. He was the new Battalion Chief.

Beckett stood by the Chief’s side, looking at everyone with a disinterested look and half closed eyes. He kept his hands in his pockets as he seemed more interested in whatever the doctor was doing, than in Ross’s speech.

“...he’s going to supervise today’s clinic day so he can learn how it all works. Beckett, all yours.”

“Listen up, ‘19’. I’m not really interested in watching you play doctors all day, but the mayor wants this little side project of his to keep going, so that’s what we’ll do. As Chief Ross explained, I am your new Battalion Chief, which means I will be spending some time around here from now on. Do your job, don’t make mine any harder than it needs to be, and we’ll get along just fine.”

Carina remained silent as she distributed the material between the different curtains they had set up for the clinic, but she spared a look from time to time in hopes of catching her wife’s eyes, trying to gauge her feelings about the whole thing. She wanted to scream and defend her in front of Ross, just hearing that man talk had made her blood boil. Not to be biased, but the idea that someone picked him for the job before Maya astounded her.

Everyone had returned to work once they had been dismissed, but the entire mood had noticeably changed. Gone was the joy and the excitement for the day ahead. Carina just watched as everyone moved around silently. Maya was speaking to Ross and Beckett, nodding along at whatever the Chief was telling her, and Carina felt a pang as she watched the stiff line of her wife’s back.

Beckett stepped away, leaving the barn altogether. Andy took that opportunity to walk up to Ross and Maya, rage driving her steps.

“Sean Beckett?? Are you serious?”

“Excuse me?,” Ross asked, outraged at the way the lieutenant was addressing her. 

“Andy,” Maya warned her.

“No, this is wrong. This is all wrong! How can you stand there and watch that- that man climb the ladder! We all know he shouldn’t even still be part of SFD!”

“Lieutenant Herrera, watch your tone! I will not tolerate this clear show of insubordination,” her voice boomed like thunder in the otherwise quiet barn. “If you have any proof that Battalion Chief Beckett is not fit for the job, I suggest you submit an official complaint through the appropriate channels. If not, you’d do well returning to your job. Are we clear?”

“Yes, Chief.”

Feeling properly chastised, Andy turned around and rejoined her colleagues, shrugging off their concern as they gathered around her, as if shielding her from Ross’s fury.

“I’m sorry about Lieutenant Herrera, I will speak to her.”

Maya swallowed hard, almost tasting the acid from her stomach rising as she played her part as Captain, as she kept her head low so as to not further infuriate the Chief. For her part, Ross just nodded, clenching her jaw as she left the station faster than she had arrived.

As soon as she was gone, Maya’s shoulders sagged and she walked in the direction of her office, casting one last look at everything and trying to avoid her wife’s questioning eyes. If she looked at her now she would break down, and she needed to remain strong – it was going to be a long day. More like a few long years, probably.

mis ahijadas= my goddaughters

merengue = a dance style

Tu Sonrisa = your smile

Ese ritmo, mamita! = look at that rhythm!

Chapter Text

Carina was almost done bandaging the arm of the little boy she had been treating from a mild tendinitis he had suffered during baseball practice. She ruffled his hair affectionately when she was finished, offering him a lollipop and watching as he surprisingly picked the orange one.

“Those are my daughter’s favorites too,” she shared with the boy and his father, who thanked her for her help.

She watched them walk away with a satisfied smile before she started cleaning up. She was humming under her breath, distracted, and when she turned around she almost bumped into the man whom, in her eyes, had stolen her wife’s job.

“We haven’t been formally introduced, I’m Battalion Chief Sean Beckett. You can call me Sean.”

She did her best to sidestep him without engaging in conversation with him, but he followed her closely behind. His presence was unnerving even if he kept his hands in the pockets of his pants the entire time.

“I see patients love you, not that I can blame them, I too would love to have you play doctor with me.”

“I don’t play doctor, I am a doctor. And I have a lot of work to do.”

Her clipped tone did nothing to deter him, in fact he seemed amused at her response.

“So, Italy. Are you one of those feminists, or can you take a compliment?”

Carina closed her eyes momentarily, wishing, for the first time, that her English wasn’t good enough to understand the words coming out of his mouth. She looked around for a way out, relieved when Andy peeked out of a curtain and motioned for her to join her. She brushed off Beckett’s attention and went to help her friend.

“There’s no patient,” Carina said, surprised when the bed was empty and it was just her and Andy behind the curtain.

“You just looked like you needed help. Are you alright? Did he try something?”

“Nothing other men haven’t tried before,” she said, shuddering as she tried to shake off the unpleasant interaction.

“He’s disgusting. You should go check on Maya, she can’t be taking the news easily.”

“I know,” Carina said with a sigh, looking in the general direction of the captain’s office. “I’m going to take a break, actually. Come find me if there’s anything important, or a pregnant person.”

Andy smiled at her and offered her arm a friendly squeeze as she exited the curtain and started walking in the direction of the captain’s office. On her way there, she spotted the lone figure of Sean Beckett taking a hearty drink from a hydro flask. She frowned, filing away for later the fact that he was clearly trying to be covert about it. Right now, she had more important things to take care of, like lifting the spirits of what she assumed would be a very frustrated fire captain hiding in her office.

She entered without knocking, well aware that Maya was alone, surprised when her wife didn't seem to react to her presence. Probably because Carina would be the only person who would dare enter the captain’s office without knocking – well, other than Hughes, but she would be making much more noise.

“Hey,” she greeted tentatively, trying to gauge her wife's mood. “You’ve been in here for a while, I was missing your beautiful face.”

The corner of Maya's mouth lifted slightly but Carina could tell her heart wasn't really in it. She sighed, walking all the way to the other side of the desk, perching herself on the edge and forcing Maya to look at her.

“Hey. Talk to me.”

“Ross offered me a Battalion Chief position.”

“Woah! But that’s amazing!” Carina's excitement died quickly, seeing her wife wasn't reacting the way she would expect her to when sharing this sort of news. “Wait, what's the catch?”

“She said that there's not enough room in the budget for both, so if I want the promotion, SFD would need to pull the plug on the clinic program.”

Carina was momentarily stunned. She wet her lips with her tongue before looking her wife in the eyes. “She can't cut the program, we’ve only opened twice.”

“I know.”

Carina got up from the desk, resting her hands on her waist as she started pacing the room, full of restless energy. “There's so many more people to help.”

“I know.”

“Bambina, you can't accept that, think about -”

“I said I know!”

Hearing her wife raising her voice so unexpectedly threw back Carina, who shut her mouth instantly and stopped pacing. She arched her eyebrows, unimpressed by her wife's little outburst.

“I'm sorry,” Maya apologized softly, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. “I know I can't accept that, Carina. It just sucks that Beckett got the promotion handed to him, a promotion I have worked my ass off for and still didn't get. This sucks.”

“I knew it. “

“What?,” Maya asked, suddenly confused.

“I knew it. From the first time I saw that woman, I knew she would be trouble. My nonna always said to trust my gut and it's never been wrong. Not once!” 

Seeing Carina full of indignation on her behalf and pointing with her finger made Maya laugh. She couldn't help but find her wife incredibly adorable at that moment. She got up from her chair and walked up the short distance separating them. She cradled Carina's face in her hands and rubbed their noses together.

“I love you so much. Thank you for having my back.”

“Always,” she answered with fierce determination.

Carina closed her eyes the second their lips made contact. Maya pressed her mouth softly against hers, moving her lips slowly as she caressed her wife's face with her thumbs. Carina's hands clung to Maya's forearms, enjoying the movement of muscle and sinew under her palms as they felt the need to move closer, to kiss deeply.

They drew apart after a few more moments, a content smile on their faces as their eyes remained closed a few more seconds.

Their plans weren't exactly working out as expected, but they would adapt. They would make new ones, and they would fight to see them come through, together.

“It's us against the world, bambina.”

“Best team ever.”

It was Carina’s turn to smile now, leaning forward once again to kiss her wife one more time, wrapping her arms around strong shoulders.

“By the way, the lawyer called, he said we were correct in thinking a second background check wouldn’t be necessary, so we should have a date for our hearing very soon. Excited?”

Carina smirked as she felt her wife’s shoulders sag in relief, a big smile threatening to split Maya’s face in two as she nodded. She moved one of her hands to that face she loved so much, her thumb tracing the edge of that smile until it landed on the cleft of her chin.

“Yes! Yes, at last! I can’t wait to have one less thing to worry about. Oh, that’s just what I needed to hear, babe. Thank you.”

Carina’s hand wrapped around her wife’s neck, drawing her in for another kiss.

*****

Carina wasn't in a great mood, that much was obvious, but the same could be said about the entire firehouse. Their second clinic day had been busier than the first, but the level of excitement had been significantly lower, due in part to the unveiling of the new Battalion Chief. 

However, while the day had ended up being a bit overwhelming, Carina had taken the time to observe Beckett throughout the day. There were many things off about him that went beyond his general disinterest for what they were doing, and she had taken note of every one of them.

Chief Ross re-appeared after hours, as they were almost done putting everything away and cleaning the barn, which just made Carina's mood even worse. Did anyone even care about the clinic, or was it only ‘19’ giving their all to this project?

“Where's Beckett?,” Ross asked as she looked around the space. The firefighters shrugged, not interested in his whereabouts.

“Chief Ross, a word please?”

“Of course, Doctor DeLuca. Walk with me?”

Carina caught up to her easily, walking with her hands inside the pockets of her scrub pants.

“I think you're making a mistake,” Ross halted her steps, turning to look at her with a frown. “I don't know Beckett, in fact I’ve only seen him around for a few hours, but that was enough to know he shouldn't be Battalion Chief.”

Ross huffed, crossing her arms as she searched Carina's eyes.

“I'm aware you must be upset about your wife missing out on the promotion, but I did make her an offer. In fact, I was going to see her and find out her answer.”

“Oh, I know all about your offer. About how you want to cut the clinic? Why did you even accept in the first place? And this isn't even about Maya, it's about Beckett!,” one of her hands left her pocket, moving in the air as she ranted. “He favors his left leg, which tells me he can't put weight on his right knee. He’s clearly overweight, he has shortness of breath, and I think he has a drinking problem. Not to mention he’s rude, inappropriate and sexist!”

“Those are very serious accusations, Doctor DeLuca. I am grateful for what you did for the department but I would hate to think you were overstepping. What goes on inside SFD is not of your concern. I suggest you stay out of it.”

She started walking away when Carina’s voice stopped her again.

“He shouldn't be in charge of an entire battalion, he shouldn't even have been able to pass his medical exam. You know I’m right about him.”

Ross clenched her jaw as she regarded the doctor. She took deliberately slow steps towards her, lifting her chin to be able to look her straight in the eyes.

“What are you insinuating?”

“A physician was taking bribes to accept unqualified cadets into the academy. Who is to say he didn't do the same to help unfit senior firefighters pass their physical exams so they could keep climbing the ladder?”

Carina held the Chief's stare, determined to drive her point across. She wasn't backing down and she needed Ross to know this. Despite everything, she truly believed Ross cares about the department and she hoped the woman would do the right thing.

“I still need to talk to your wife. I suggest you go finish up back there,” the Chief said, gesturing across the hallway with her chin before finally walking away from the obstetrician.

Carina watched her leave, muttering angrily under her breath as she went to the office designated to the clinic. She had left her stuff there that morning, as Maya had been busy when she had arrived at the station and she hadn’t wanted to interrupt her. 

Ben Warren entered the office carrying an open cardboard box in his arms as she was rummaging through her purse.

“Hey, you didn’t come back to help us clean up.”

“Sorry, I had to talk to Ross about something.”

Usually she would look up to him as she spoke, but she was busy typing something on her phone and she hadn’t taken her eyes off the screen. After years of friendship, Ben found it odd, but he walked into the closet to drop the box he was carrying without saying anything else. When he came back out, Carina was putting on the long coat she had shown up in that morning, and she was strapping her purse up her shoulder.

“Woah, you’re leaving? I thought you’d be leaving with Bishop.”

“I have to talk to your wife, actually. Can you tell Maya I’ll see her at home?”

The obstetrician was about to rush outside the door when Ben halted her, grabbing her arm as he walked past him.

“Hey, I will. But Carina, is everything okay?”

“Remember how I didn’t trust Ross and you said I should give her the benefit of the doubt?” She asked, a lopsided smirk adorning her face.

“Let me guess, you were right?” 

Carina playfully pinched his cheek, making him scowl. “No wonder Miranda married you, you’re so smart!” 

Ben shook his head as he watched her rush out of the office and down the stairs. 

*****

Carina walked across the familiar catwalk at Grey Sloan, picking up her pace when she saw Bailey was already in Altman’s office, both women clearly waiting for her instead of rushing home after their shifts. She didn’t bother knocking, she just waltzed inside and closed the door behind her.

“Well, what was so important it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” Teddy asked her, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back in her chair.

“What I’m about to tell can’t leave this room.”

Altman and Bailey looked at each other before looking at Carina and nodding in agreement, waiting expectantly for her to continue.

“Ross wants to shut down the clinic program with SFD. Or at least she would be inclined to, given the right circumstances.”

“What?!” asked Miranda, taken back by this revelation. “How do you know this?”

Carina tilted her head, looking pointedly at Doctor Bailey waiting for her to understand what she meant. To her credit, Bailey only needed a few more seconds to realize what her friend meant.

“Right, of course. We can’t let that happen, the hospital invested a lot in that program,” she complained, looking back at Teddy.

“Yeah, plus it’s doing wonders for our PR. It’s probably doing the same for the fire department’s, so why would they want to end the program?”

“I don’t know. But I think I know how we can stop it from happening.”

Both women looked at Carina as she took a seat and started explaining her plan.

Chapter Text

Maya checked her smartwatch, she knew she was cutting it close but she also hated leaving before her shift was over. She had already changed out of her uniform, wearing a much more formal outfit than she usually would, but she had somewhere to be once it was time to go. 

She smiled triumphantly as she hit ‘send’ and the last report due that day made it out of her inbox. She turned off the computer screen and started gathering her stuff, putting everything in her backpack while going through her mental list of things to remember that morning.

There was a knock on the door, causing her to curse under her breath before she granted whoever was on the other side permission to enter. She regretted her choice almost immediately when she saw Chief Ross entering her office, looking more serious than usual, her cheeks almost hollowed by how hard she was clenching her jaw.

“Chief Ross, I was about to leave. What brings you here this early?”

Ross grabbed her phone from inside the pocket of her jacket and touched the device a few times before turning the screen towards Maya. A video started playing, Teddy Altman and Carina were being interviewed by a local news reporter. Maya tried to school her features, not wanting the smile threatening to appear on her face to trigger Chief Ross’ anger, but she was very proud of her wife – she would have to tell her later. 

In the video, Teddy was talking about how rewarding the clinic program had turned out to be for Grey Sloan, and how the board was thinking about the possibility of expanding it to other stations in the district, perhaps even the city. As the official liaison between the hospital and SFD, Carina was sharing the type of patients they had been able to help since starting the program.

“What is the meaning of this?”

If they asked her, Maya would describe Ross as seething. She shrugged innocently as she zipped up her backpack, not understanding what Ross expected from her exactly.

“I don’t know, it looks like the Chief of Surgery at Grey Sloan and the head of the obstetrics department talking about the hospital’s social initiatives?” 

Maya knew she was playing with fire, teasing Ross, but she also had no idea of when her wife had filmed that interview, Carina certainly hadn’t shared anything with her and she was beginning to understand why.

“You better control your wife, Bishop.”

Maya’s nostrils flared at the tone Ross had used when talking about her wife. It took everything in her to control her temper. By mentioning Carina, Ross was turning this into something personal, but she refused to let her steal her joy, as Ben Warren would say. Not today at least.

“She’s not one of my firefighters, and it’s 2024, I would never tell my wife what to do,”  her tone was as neutral as she could muster given the circumstances.

Ross huffed, biting her cheek as she put her phone away. “I better not find out you had anything to do with this.”

“Chief, may I ask why are you so bothered by this? I would think the people at Grey Sloan publicly committing to the program would be a good thing, no?”

Maya squared her shoulders, looking straight at the chief as she waited for an answer. She hoped she looked as stoic as she tried to be, despite the nervous energy swirling inside of her asking her to run away. 

The door to her office opened without a warning, startling both her and Ross, who didn’t expect the interruption.

“Hey, Carina said you were giving me a ride to the courthouse.”

Maya let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, very grateful for her brother-in-law’s interruption putting an end to the awkward situation she had found herself in, while also giving her a way out.

“Crap. I’m so sorry. Andy didn’t tell me you had company.”

Maya smiled, making a mental note to thank Andy as well. “It’s okay, Andrew. Chief Ross and I were done here, right?”

“Right.” Ross offered a tight smile to the man that was awkwardly standing next to her, and left the office.

Maya sighed then, feeling the tension leave her body as soon as she lost sight of her boss. 

“Everything okay? That looked tense,” Andrew’s concern warmed Maya’s heart.

“Nothing we need to worry about. Let’s go?”

She felt her own face split into a grin at the contagious smile in Andrew’s face. She wrapped her arm around his waist, giving him a side hug he returned warmly, and they walked out of the firehouse. 

They had places to be. One place, specifically, and they were about to be late.

*****

As Maya had predicted, they were cutting it close, too close for her liking. It had taken everything in her not to go over the speed limit to make it to the King County Courthouse with time to spare. Besides, the ever punctual Maya Bishop was a rule follower. So that’s why they were rushing through the first floor of the building now, where Carina said they would be waiting. 

The clacking of her short heels on the marble floor bored into her ears as they finally spotted Carina standing with their lawyer. Her wife was listening intently to whatever their attorney was explaining while holding Isabella in one arm and keeping Stella close to her legs with the other. 

“Sorry we are late, Ross showed up last minute and- It doesn’t matter,” she leaned over and kissed Carina on the cheek.

“Is everything okay?,” a worried Carina asked with a frown.

“Nothing we should worry about right now. Hi babies!” 

Maya was ready to lean down to greet Stella, but the little girl had already thrown herself onto her uncle’s arms, who gladly picked her up and kissed her cheek, making her complain about the scratch of his stubble. Carina chuckled at her wife’s pout, immediately handing Isabella over to her.  

Maya grabbed the baby in her arms, scrunching up her nose when she received a drooly happy smile in return. Carina reached over with a tissue, cleaning the baby’s chin as they walked towards the elevator. 

Maya took the opportunity to look at Isabella’s outfit. Her wife had dressed her in a white dress, with white stockings, white shoes and a tan cardigan. The look was completed with a white headband with a bow on the side; she looked positively adorable.

“You look so nice, Isa!” She exclaimed excitedly, as she fixed the skirt of the dress.

As they walked into one of the elevators, she looked over at Andrew, who was still holding Stella in his arms. The toddler was facing him, her legs on either side of his broad chest, as she regaled him with a story in half Italian, half English. Maya brushed some strands of wavy hair away from her little face before tickling her neck with her finger, making her squirm in Andrew’s arms.

“You look very nice too, Stella. Did you pick your dress?” the little girl shook her head. “No? Well, mamma has great taste.”

Stella looked down at her burgundy dress with a white collar and matching ribbon on her waist, wrapping an arm around her uncle’s neck as he readjusted her to walk out of the elevator.

Carina walked ahead with their lawyer, giving Maya the time to admire her wife’s body in the beige pantsuit she had picked for herself, cursing the blazer for covering one of her favorite assets. She was wearing a deep red button down shirt, and Maya smiled at the way all three of her girls were color coordinated. 

She had chosen her own outfit the night before, picking black chinos, a sleeveless cream colored shirt and a black blazer, but Carina hadn’t said anything as she had watched her pick each piece, so Maya figured she wasn’t sticking out too much. Not that Carina would ever tell her what to wear, but she relied on her wife’s impeccable taste to make sure she always looked presentable for every occasion.

Carina slowed down, reaching behind and grabbing Maya’s hand in hers, squeezing a couple of times as they stood before the door to their designated courtroom. They were minutes away from securing Maya’s rights as Isabella’s co-parent, something that still rubbed them the wrong way, but they knew it had to be done in order to protect both Maya and their children.

“Ready?” Carina asked her with a look of fierce determination in her eyes.

“Let’s sign that paper and get out of here, we have a party to go to.” Carina’s toothy grin made her chuckle.

Maya looked at her family flanking her on either side, and she couldn’t help but remember being in a very similar situation, a few months after their marriage, where they had signed the papers that tied Maya to Stella forever. 

She let out a shuddering breath, trying to hold back the emotions flooding her. 

She was Isabella’s mom, she had been since the moment they had found out the implantation had worked, that the embryo Carina had kept from her first IVF treatment in case she ever wanted another baby after Stella, was multiplying and creating a new life. She had been a mother when she had argued with Carina about names and paint swatches, when she had heard that first wail over her mother’s roar as she was pushed into this world. But after today, she would be Isabella’s mom in the eyes of the law, for as long as she lived, and beyond.

*****

Carina had hugged their lawyer tight, the only way Carina knew how to hug, as she thanked him profusely for everything he had done for their family before roping him into taking pictures of them in front of the courthouse – just like they did the last time.

They were at home now, changing into clothes that would allow them to enjoy a carefree afternoon at the park with their friends and colleagues. They had decided to hold a small gathering to celebrate the joyous event, but their backyard couldn’t fit everyone comfortably, so they decided to gather at a park nearby.

“Seriously?” Maya complained, as her wife had her sitting on the counter of the girls’ bathroom as she applied a generous amount of sunscreen on her face and neck. 

“Bambina, you’re too white, I don’t want you burning this cute little face,” she leaned over, giving the fire captain a chaste kiss to appease her. “Now, stop complaining, you’re worse than Stellina.”

As if summoned, Stella zoomed past the open door of the bathroom, a blue blur as she tried to run away from her uncle, who was holding a pair of pants in his hand as he chased after her.

The two women chuckled at hearing the squeal their oldest let out, followed by a fit of laughter, which let them know Andrew had finally caught her. Only a few seconds later, Andrew walked past the bathroom with his niece thrown upside down over his shoulder – Stella waved to their mothers.

“Sometimes I really miss when she couldn’t walk,” Maya said absentmindedly.

“You just liked that you got to carry her around all the time.”

Maya hummed, wrapping her legs around her wife’s waist and bringing her closer to her body. She leaned over, kissing the skin that was peeking out of the white polo shirt Carina was wearing. Soon her lips started tracing a path up the column of Carina’s neck, smiling against her skin when she heard her wife’s groan.

“Amore, we’re going to be late. And you still have to finish getting dressed.”

“Well, if you would stop slathering me in lotion!”

Carina was about to answer when a cry interrupted them, letting them know Isabella was feeling neglected. Either that, or she was in pain as she had started to show signs that she would be teething soon. She sighed, tapping Maya’s legs so she would let her go check on their five-month-old.

Maya jumped off the counter and reached over to grab the white and blue long sleeved raglan Carina had left for her on the other side of the counter, putting it on and smiling at the instant feeling of comfort. She turned around to look in the mirror and started brushing her hair back in a tight ponytail. 

She could hear the muffled sounds of her wife talking in Italian to Isabella, and of Stella’s laughter as Andrew possibly tickled her as he finished getting her dressed, and she smiled, appreciative of her family. A family so different from the one she had grown up in. 

Somehow, she had found a group of strong, passionate, stubborn people who picked her, broken and solitary Maya, and had taught her she was worthy of love, happiness and unconditional support.

She chuckled as she wiped a stray tear off the corner of her eye, shaking her head at the sudden burst of emotion. Those damn DeLucas had barged into her life and had cracked her heart wide open to the point of wanting to make another one of them, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. The world could definitely do with more people like them.

Chapter Text

Stella, clad in gray cargo pants and a blue Italia jersey, squealed in delight as her uncle chased after her as she kicked a ball almost bigger than her head. Andrew, wearing a white Italia jersey growled playfully as he pretended her little legs moved too fast for him. Running alongside them with a white USWNT jersey was Pru, who had joined the impromptu game of soccer. Together, they were providing entertainment to a very amused Carina, who was sitting on a blanket near the makeshift field with her legs crossed, baby Isabella sitting against her body.

“Mamma! Aiuta! ” Stella let out in a high pitched voice when she felt herself being airborne.

Andrew had finally caught up to her and had scooped her up in his arms, bending over as he playfully pretended to drop her, before straightening up again. Pru was jumping around his legs, laughing as she tried to grab onto his arms, but he would move upright whenever she was about to reach him.

“Isabella, vuoi giocare anche tu? Vuoi giocare a calcio? Sì?” Isabella’s response was to lean her little body forward, excitedly hitting her mother’s legs with her chubby little hands.

Carina got on her feet, holding Isabella under her arms as she approached the group, smiling widely as Stella reached her arms out to her in a feeble attempt at getting saved from her zio’s grip. Carina bent forwards, playfully nibbling on her daughter’s fingers before she looked her brother in the eye.

“If she gets sick, you’re on clean up duty,” she warned him playfully, laughing as he immediately set his niece back on her feet.

Carina squatted in front of the forgotten ball, holding Isabella’s weight in her hands as she set her on the ground, delighted at the way her baby giggled at the feeling of her bare feet being tickled by the grass.

“Okay! Ready? Go!” Carina held Isabella’s body with her arm around her tummy, while she grabbed a leg with her other hand and moved it as if she was kicking the ball. “Good job, Isabella!” 

She kissed the top of her daughter’s head, feeling the little body shaking with every squeal and gurgle as Stella and Pru kicked the ball back to her so she could “kick” it again – Carina moving her chubby little leg every time and cheering her on.

Not too far away, Maya took a sip of the homemade lemonade Ben and Miranda had brought to the little gathering in the park. She smacked her lips, enjoying the combination of sweet and tart as she watched her family kicking the ball around, with Carina and Andrew loudly arguing over whether offside should be a thing in a casual game with kids. 

She laughed loudly as her wife kicked the ball between Andrew’s legs and scored, baby Isabella wheezing as Carina twirled around in celebration, while Stella started running around with her arms up in the air like a professional footballer.

“Okay, I get it. I think I too want her to have my babies.”

Maya shook her head as Andy walked up to her, eating a forkful of potato salad as she joined her in watching the small group of soccer players.

“Congratulations on making it official, by the way. How are you feeling?”

“Amazing. Like, I don’t care what happens from now on. This,” she says, pointing to her family with her plastic cup, “this is what truly matters. Nothing else.”

Andy nodded in understanding as she chewed her food, grabbing the plastic cup from Maya’s hand and taking a sip before giving it back, ignoring the disgruntled look from her friend.

“I’m glad. I was worried that the whole thing with Beckett would send you into a spiral. Sort of like with…”

“...you?” Maya completed the sentence, watching as her friend nodded. “Maybe a couple of years ago it would have. But now I have Carina, and the girls, and they have filled my life so completely, I don’t have room for anything negative. I don’t want to make room for anything negative. Especially not over Beckett.”

“Hey, remember when Isabella was born and you were freaking out about having two kids?” 

“Shut up!” Maya exclaimed, mildly offended at the reminder, and at the way her friend was laughing, head thrown back and everything.

“I’m proud of you,” Andy said once the laughter had died.

Maya shook her head, bumping her shoulder against her friend’s as she watched Andrew grabbing Stella and having her sit over his shoulders as they all made their way back to the group, Carina’s face breaking into a smile as soon as she spotted her wife.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that. You two are disgusting,” Andy rolled her eyes as the couple made eyes across the field, turning around to go grab her own drink. 

“Mom, did you see me play?” Stella asked from her spot on her uncle’s shoulders. 

“Of course! You did so good, baby.” Maya said, a big smile forming in her face as she high fived her three year old and directed her attention to her wife. “Hi, my soccer star.”

Carina smiled into the kiss, gladly receiving the affection from the fire captain as she moved her hand to cradle a warm cheek, holding her in place for another kiss.

“Hmm you taste like lemonade,” Carina muttered when they broke apart, wetting her lips with her tongue.

Maya wrapped her arm around her wife’s waist, following the rest to the picnic table with their food, where some of her friends from ‘19’ were gathered. Ben was filling a plate with all of his wife’s favorites when Pru climbed onto the bench, sitting in front of Miranda, who handed her a sippy cup filled with juice.

“I want an Italy jersey too!” the little girl exclaimed, prompting loud cheers from the two adult Italians in the group, making Ben smile at the bewildered look on his wife’s face.

Carina handed Isabella over to Maya as she grabbed two plates and started filling them with food for them, seeing as how Andrew was doing the same for him and Stella. She was picking Maya’s favorite crudités when she felt a vibration on the back pocket of her jeans. She reached behind her and unlocked her phone, biting her lower lip as she read the message she had received.

“Is everything okay?” Maya asked, a small frown of concern pinching her forehead.

“It’s Amelia. She had to book back-to-back procedures, so she can’t make it.”

“It sounds like you should have picked a better godmother,” Andy joked before popping a piece of carrot in her mouth.

Maya was about to reprimand her lieutenant when loud voices caught their attention. They all turned around, cheering as they watched Teddy, Owen and their kids making their way over to them; Helm, Jo Wilson and Luna following close behind. 

Carina laughed joyfully when she saw the rowdy bunch, happy to have some of her own friends and colleagues joining them to celebrate their family. She enveloped Teddy and Jo in a small group hug, moving on to Owen and Helm next, as Stella took off running towards Luna, enveloping her friend in a hug before they signed ‘hello’ to each other. 

Maya watched the scene taking place before her, swallowing as she tried to keep her emotions in check. She felt her heart swelling in her chest at the idea of all these people coming together to celebrate such an important milestone for the DeLuca-Bishop family. She blew out a breath, chuckling as Isabella leaned over the table trying to grab a piece of celery with her hand. She closed her first over the baby’s hand before bringing it to her lips and kissing it, redirecting Isabella’s attention away from the food she was far too young to eat. 

She leaned forward, touching her forehead to the baby’s, basking in the sound of loud laughter shaking her daughter, who was happily unaware of the monumental event that had taken place that day. And she sent a prayer to whomever was listening, wishing she could keep both their daughters like this –surrounded by love and joy, blissfully unaware of how hard life could be– for a very very long time.

*****

Carina was elbows deep in the bathtub, turning her face away to try to avoid getting hit by a squirt of water. Stella laughed as she squeezed her rubber fire truck, delighted as another squirt hit her mother on the chest. Carina gasped, looking down at the wet spot on the front of the oversized shirt she had picked to wear that evening after getting home from the park.

“Oh you’re in trouble, now!,” Carina threatened, tickling her daughter’s belly, smiling at the loud squeals Stella let out as she tried to get away from her fingers. “Oh, you don’t like that?”

“Basta, mamma!” begged the little girl between bouts of laughter.

Carina took mercy on her daughter, focusing her attention on the other troublemaker in the bathtub. She was holding a squirming Isabella up with her other hand, trying to keep her from falling head first into the water.

Stella knelt in front of her sister, the water sloshing dangerously close to the tub’s brim, and held her hands over the little head, setting a dollop of soap suds. She sat back on her heels, admiring her masterpiece. 

Carina gasped at the sight, wishing she had her phone with her to take a picture as Isabella moved her head back, trying without success to see what was atop her head. She hit the water with her hands instead, her limbs flailing around as water splattered everywhere.

Carina sputtered as soapy water made it into her mouth, deciding bath time was over. She cleared the soap off Isabella’s head and body and lifted her out of the tub, trying to avoid getting kicked by her little legs as they wheeled in the air.

She had already dried and wrapped Isabella in a hooded bathrobe when Maya walked into the bathroom, a distracted look on her face.

“What’s the matter?,” Carina asked, spotting for the first time the phone her wife was holding.

“That was Andy. She just got off the phone with her friend in the syndicate. She says Ross will be shutting down ‘23’ by the end of the month.”

Carina’s eyebrows shot up at the unexpected revelation. She handed Isabella to Maya, knowing the calming effect holding one of their daughters always had on her wife, before she turned her attention to Stella.

“Did she say why?”

“She isn’t sure, but they suspect it’s for budgetary reasons.”

Maya felt her daughter’s little body going almost limp in her arms and she leaned her cheek against the soft hood covering her daughter’s head, her hand rubbing Isabella’s small back as she started rocking from side to side.

“But what’s going to happen with all the firefighters?” 

‘23’ was a pretty big house, one of the oldest in Seattle, this much Carina knew. She wrapped Stella in her own bathrobe and lifted her out of the bathtub, setting her on the soft rug as she unplugged the drain, watching the water make its way down before she could start to clean the tub.

“I guess some will be relocated, others might have to transfer to other states, or…” She didn’t need to complete the sentence, both understanding some would probably lose their jobs altogether. She grabbed Stella’s hand and made her way to the bathroom door before she turned around to her wife. “Don’t say anything to anyone. We don’t know for sure. It could all just be a rumor.”

Carina nodded her head as she turned off the faucet and stood up to finish cleaning the mess that always followed bath time. Later, as she walked towards Stella’s room, her mind was lost in thought, worried about her wife. Life didn’t seem to want to give them a break lately, and even though Maya was tough, Carina wasn’t sure just how much more she could take. 

She made a mental note to start planning a much needed family vacation for when the worst was over. Perhaps even just a date night for them might be enough for now.

Mamma! Aiuta! = Mom! Help!

Isabella, vuoi giocare anche tu? Vuoi giocare a calcio? Sì? = Isabella, do you want to play too? Do you want to play soccer? Yes?

Basta, mamma! = Stop, mom!

Chapter Text

Carina’s brain was lost in the fog between sleep and wakefulness, making it almost impossible to discern whether the pleasant feeling between her legs was real or part of a very interesting dream. It didn’t take her long to wake up completely when she felt familiar lips caressing the warm skin of her neck, which made it impossible for her to pick what to focus on: her wife’s mouth, or the fingers teasing her folds.

She arched her back to stretch her stiff limbs, causing the hand between her legs to move away, grabbing her hip instead. She whined at the loss of contact and turned her body slightly to try and catch a glimpse of her grinning wife.

“Someone woke up in a mood,” she teased, her voice deep and raspy from sleep.

“I was thinking, why don’t you stay home today? With me.”

Maya’s kisses along her arm were tickling her, and Carina turned all the way around so she was facing her wife, feeling those insistent lips attacking her mouth instead, making her hum in delight.

“I have to go to work, and the girls-”

“I’ll bring them in. It’ll be quick, I promise.”

Maya rolled them over, covering her wife’s body with hers and entangling their legs together. She rocked her hips, pressing a strong thigh between Carina’s legs as her mouth started to explore the skin of her neck.

“Maya…”

“Please, stay.”

Carina arched her back and closed her eyes, delighting herself on the pressure of Maya’s body on hers, of their hips rocking together. She had to make a decision, and she had to do it fast because Stella would wake up soon. She hissed as Maya’s teeth pinched the skin where her neck meets her shoulder, scratching her nails down the cotton covered back of her wife.

“Okay. Okay.”

“Yeah?,” Maya asked excitedly, looking her wife in the eye. “I’ll make it worth your while, I promise.”

She captured Carina’s lips in a passionate kiss, literally stealing her breath as she tried to give her a taste of what was to come that morning. 

“Stay in bed, I’ll take care of everything.”

Carina nodded, chasing her wife’s lips again as she tried to get out of bed. “Don’t take too long, please,” she said against her wife’s mouth, causing Maya to groan as she forced herself to jump out of bed.

*****

Maya kissed Stella’s cheek repeatedly as she held her in her arms, making the little girl complain about the shower of affection. She let her go after promising to have fun and listen to the educators. 

She had gotten both girls ready to go and had driven them to the hospital without crossing paths with anyone, and all she had left to do was leave the building undetected by any of Carina’s friends and drive home back to her wife, who hopefully would still be waiting for her in bed.

She was almost out the door when she heard a familiar woman’s voice calling her by her last name. She cursed under her breath, turning around to face Miranda Bailey, who was watching her with a scowl.

“How is DeLuca? I heard she called in sick today.”

“Oh, nothing too serious. We think something she ate at the party yesterday disagreed with her. She’s had a rough night.”

Maya opened and closed her fists nervously, hoping her story was believable enough to get Carina off the hook. Not that she had to report to Bailey, she hadn’t been the Chief of Surgery for years and Carina was the head of her department, but the short doctor still intimidated Maya.

“Well, send her my best. I hope she feels better soon.”

Maya nodded, offering the woman a small wave of her hand before she rushed to the parking lot, getting in the car and driving home through the back roads in the hopes of avoiding rush hour traffic. 

She made it home safely in a record time and had taken off her sneakers before she had even closed the front door. She climbed the stairs two at a time, taking off her shirt as soon as she got to the landing, calling her wife’s name to let her know she was home and ready to pick things up right where they had left them.

When Maya entered their bedroom, she found Carina kneeling on top of the bed, wearing an oversized t-shirt and no pants, and the fire captain took advantage of years of experience in getting herself in and out of clothes in record time to climb on the bed clad only in her underwear in a matter of seconds.

“Did the girls give you any trouble?” Carina asked as she grabbed her wife’s arms and pulled her close to her own body, warm and willing. 

“They were very good,” she whispered, eagerly pressing her body against Carina’s as she chased her lips.

One of Carina’s hands tangled in her hair, pulling slightly at blonde strands as their kiss deepened. Maya smiled softly at the move. Her wife was a very tactile person with those she loved, and her touch –usually thought of as meticulous and healing – was always a thermometer of her mood that Maya had learned to read as easily as any fire.

She tried to push them further into the bed, to have Carina lay down, but her wife seemed to have a different plan, one Maya was willing to follow. She laid back, covering the hand that was pushing her down with her own, her eyes following the way Carina moved, slow and tantalizing. The way she flipped her hair to the other side of her head, looking effortlessly sexy, never failed to excite Maya, and when Carina knelt on the bed, a leg on either side of her body, her hands flew to caress her soft thighs before her wife swatted them away. She chuckled, raising an eyebrow in surprise. 

“I’m going to need you to be a good girl too,” Carina whispered. 

Her voice had gone down at least an octave, another sign that Maya could read easily. And then Carina straddled her completely, providing her with one more sign for her to read, as warm wetness made contact with the bare skin of her abdomen – Carina wasn't wearing underwear. 

Maya lifted her hips, trying to feel her wife's bare sex again, chasing that molten desire as she bit her lower lip. “I'll be whatever you want me to be,” she panted, welcoming her wife's mouth against hers once again.

*****

Maya closed her eyes, basking in the peace that always filled her after sex with her wife. She burrowed closer to the warm body she was using as a pillow, moaning in delight as Carina’s fingers started tracing random patterns on her shoulder. So far this feeling never got old, and she hoped it never would. She wrapped her arm around Carina’s abdomen, pressing her lower body against her hip and drawing them impossibly closer, eliciting a chuckle from her wife.

“If you try to move any closer you’ll end up on top of me.”

“Good. I love being on top of you,” Maya replied, a satisfied smirk tugging at her lips as she made her wife chuckle. “Thank you for agreeing to play hooky for me.”

Carina’s answer was to hold her tighter before kissing her forehead. They fell into silence after that, just holding each other and matching their breathing in the rare moment of calm they had rarely been able to experience, with busy schedules that often opposed each other and two small children at home.

Maya was the first one to break the silence, taking the rare opportunity to broach a subject that had been in her mind for a while now. 

“Can I ask you something?” She took Carina’s hum as a sign to continue. “Why were you so opposed to the clinic at first?” She felt the moment her wife stopped breathing, it was barely a second, but her chest stopped moving, prompting her to lift her head and look at Carina, if only to make sure she was okay.

“Because I know how much work opening a clinic takes, how difficult it is to be able to get the approval for something like that. And for Jack to just get it? Like nothing? It didn’t feel fair.”

Maya frowned, trying to catch between the lines whatever her wife wasn’t saying, feeling like she was missing something. Carina sounded uncharacteristically bothered by this. “What do you mean, it didn’t feel fair?”

Carina sighed, readjusting the pillows behind her so she was sitting up a bit higher, her face closer to her wife’s eye level now. “I want to open my own practice one day. So, I’ve been looking into what’s needed –the money, the permits, the bureaucracy– and it’s so difficult! Especially for someone without an American citizenship.”

“I didn’t know that. Have you been thinking about this for long? I thought you were happy at the hospital.”

“And I am! I love my job. And if that’s the only job I have until I retire, I think I would be happy. But seeing you fight for your promotion, seeing how passionate you are about your job, about making a difference, it inspired me to want more for myself too. For us.”

Maya tried to swallow the lump in her throat, overcome by emotion at her wife’s admittance. She smiled softly when her eyes met Carina’s, who studied her for a reaction. She leaned forward, closing the distance between them with a soft kiss. 

“I love you, and I promise we will sit down and look into this together. We’ll make it work.” She laughed when Carina grabbed her face, kissing her repeatedly before laying back against the pillows.

Maya started playing with her wife’s fingers, rotating the wedding band on her finger, which made her miss the way Carina was looking at her.

“Can I ask you something too?” Carina asked, nervous when she saw her wife nod. “Have you thought about your mom?” 

Her voice sounded thin and shaky as she asked, which was uncommon for Carina, and it made Maya frown. She didn’t want her wife to be afraid of bringing up any topic of conversation with her. She had grown up in an environment like that, always afraid to speak up, to ask for anything, and that’s the last thing she wanted for their family.

“What about her?” She replied, calmly.

“Maya, she came to the clinic to see you.”

“She needed medical care,” she answered without missing a beat. She looked at their hands, not being able to stand the way Carina was looking at her now.

“But, do you want to reach out? Do you not want to see her again?”

Maya winced as she thought about how to word her answer in a way that didn’t make her sound like a complete sociopath to her generous, loving wife. “I made my peace with never seeing her again as long as she stayed married to him. We all made our choices. My choice is to keep our family as far away from the drama and the violence as possible.”

Carina nodded, leaning forward to kiss Maya’s shoulder, leaving her lips pressed against her skin for a few seconds before lifting her head to look at her. “Okay, that’s fair. But know that, if you ever change your mind, that’d be okay, too.”

Maya smiled softly, and just as she was ready to answer her phone pinged repeatedly from somewhere in the room. She crawled to the edge of the bed, leaning over to grab her discarded pants in search of the device. She crawled back under the sheets, burrowing in her wife’s arms again as she checked the messages.

“Holy shit, she really did it,” she exclaimed, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

“What? What happened?”

Maya looked away from the device in her hands to meet her wife’s worried eyes. “Ross is shutting down ‘23’.”

Chapter Text

Despite the coming and going of doctors, the attendings lounge was a pretty peaceful place to read if you didn’t particularly feel like being alone. That’s why Carina was currently sitting at the table, stabbing the salad Maya had brought home with her that morning, leftover from dinner at the station: Montgomery’s famous Caesar salad, with homemade sauce and croutons. And a chocolate pudding. That wasn’t homemade, but Maya had “stolen” one for her just the same.

Carina had been very moved by the gesture, especially because it meant her wife had been very attuned to the changes in her mood, indicating her period was right around the corner, and she had anticipated her need for chocolate treats. She sighed happily, as she usually did whenever she thought about her wife.

She brought her attention back to the current issue of the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, reading only half a page more before Doctor Bailey entered the lounge, greeting her before walking straight to the fridge and grabbing what Carina assumed was her own lunch.

“My husband is not answering my texts,” Bailey started.

Carina looked at her mid chew, curious as to where this conversation was going.

“As I said, Ben stopped answering my questions, so I need to know what’s going on with Chief Ross shutting down stations.”

“A station,” Carina corrected, covering her mouth with her hand before she started chewing again.

“For now!” The microwave pinged, and Bailey grabbed whatever she had heated inside before carrying it with her to the table and sitting in front of the obstetrician. “Did Bishop hear anything new?”

Carina shook her head, returning her attention to her reading as she absentmindedly loaded another forkful of salad.

“I would like to be prepared for my husband’s possible fourth career change,” she muttered bitterly, before she stabbed a piece of sausage covered in tomato sauce with a certain level of violence.

Carina chuckled at her friend’s dramatics, swallowing down her salad before taking a sip of water from her bottle flask. “I’m pretty sure it’s just ‘23’ for now, but Ross has been suspiciously absent. She stopped dropping by Maya's office by surprise, so she hasn’t had a chance to ask her in person.”

Bailey hummed, apparently unimpressed by her explanation, which caused Carina to drop her magazine and to focus on her friend.

“Hey, I’ll let you know as soon as I know something, okay?” her colleague nodded reluctantly, stabbing her food with less force this time. “Doctor Bailey, have you ever thought about leaving the hospital and working in a less stressful environment? Making your own schedule, having more time for Pru…”

“Only every damn day!” Bailey chuckled before her face turned serious in the blink of an eye. “Why?” She asked, staring at her with a hint of suspicion.

“No reason,” Carina offered with a shrug. ”Just thinking out loud.”

“I know that look,” she said, pointing at Carina with her fork. “Your brother has the same look whenever he’s about to suggest an idea that is going to make me regret ever hiring him.”

Carina laughed at that, knowing perfectly well the look she meant in regards to Andrea. She was secretly delighted to know she shared yet another trait in common with her fratellino. 

Ever since her talk with Maya, Carina had allowed herself to think about her own practice as something more than an abstract concept, a dream, and more as a feasible plan for the future. She smiled politely at Bailey as she redirected the conversation to the whipple procedure she would be doing two hours from now and Carina happily listened to her, pushing away the thoughts of a future she envisioned more clearly every day that passed.

*****

Carina leaned her shoulders and back against the unusually empty elevator wall and stretched her arms, holding back a moan at the feeling of the muscles on her neck and shoulders relaxing. She had just gotten out of a pelvic reconstruction that had required hours of a meticulous procedure with Meredith Grey and Katherine Fox – their patient requiring reconstructive surgery for her bladder and pelvic floor.

She stepped out onto the maternity floor rubbing her neck, when she crossed paths with Amelia Shepherd, almost bumping into her.

“Hey! Good to see you back,” the neurosurgeon greeted, making her frown.

“Back? From surgery?” Carina asked slowly, not sure where the conversation was going.

“No, back on your feet. Bailey told me you stayed home sick yesterday. She also said something about her potato salad and how it was impossible for you to be sick from that, but yeah. How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m good. Yes. Definitely something I ate at the party.”

Amelia tsked, making a face at the mention of the party from two days ago. “I’m sorry again for missing it.”

Carina was about to reassure her friend that it was okay, that everyone present knew what it was like to have a demanding job where emergencies could arise at any minute, but her brother chose that moment to exit the elevator, holding a plastic bag in his hand.

“Oh, fantastic, you’re right here.”

Carina accepted the plastic bag her brother was handing to her with a frown, not fully understanding what was going on. She took a peek inside, however, and chuckled at the array of chocolate bars, candy, a bag of mixed nuts, and a banana.

“Andrea!”

“Hey, I’m just following your wife’s orders,” he said, holding his arms up in surrender. “Ignoring your cravings is bad enough, I don’t want to risk ignoring my sister-in-law’s demands too.”

“Stupido,” Carina shook her head, incredibly charmed by her wife’s thoughtfulness and her brother’s willingness to take care of her. “Grazie mille.”

“Anytime. But don’t make it a habit, I’m not a resident anymore, I don’t have time to run around running errands for you.” He offered a wink before entering the elevator and disappearing behind the metal doors.

Amelia, who had witnessed the exchange uncharacteristically silent, took a peek inside the bag. “Holy crap! Are you pregnant?”

“What?” Carina asked, wondering how the hell her friend had come to that conclusion just now. “No! Of course not!”

“Well, you were throwing up yesterday, but you’re fine today, and now Andrew is delivering an array of food that would satisfy almost any craving. Ergo, pregnancy,” Shepherd stated with confidence, shrugging her shoulders once she was done.

“That’s not-” Carina looked around before she grabbed her friend by the arm and pulled her to a more private spot, away from gossiping personnel. “I wasn’t sick, okay? Maya had the day off and she convinced me to stay home.”

Amelia stared at her blankly for a few seconds before she reacted, her mouth opening in the shape of an ‘O’ before she started chucking.

“Damn, DeLuca. Respect. So, what’s with all this?” she asked, pointing to the bag of treats.

“I got my period today, so Maya is just being her wonderful self.”

“You know, I had a crush on you for years, but if you’re not careful, I might take a shot at your wife instead!”

“I swear, Amelia, I will kill you,” she warned her through clenched teeth, making her friend chuckle.

“Easy, tiger.” She got her hand inside the bag and brought out a chocolate bar, busying herself with opening the wrapper. “So, does this mean there won’t be a third baby DeLuca?”

“No, no, two is enough.”

“So you’ve talked about it?” Amelia asked around the chocolate bar as she took a bite.

“We have, and with our busy schedules, my age, and our plans for the future, we believe two is enough. The next baby DeLuca better be Andrea’s!” 

“Speaking of which, is your brother still single?” 

“Amelia, no.”

“What? I’m just asking!”

*****

Victoria Hughes wasn't a fighter, but she wasn't a pushover either. She walked up to John Maddox and pulled at his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.

“Hey, what the hell is your problem?” 

“I asked for an ax, yours was the closest one,” he responded petulantly, waving the tool in his hand. “Don't worry, princess, I’m sure Ross will gladly replace it if ‘19’ needs an extra one.”

Maddox wasn't her favorite firefighter, he probably wasn't anyone's cup of tea actually, but it was still weird seeing him with the number ‘21’ on his helmet instead of his usual ‘23’. The entire department had been rattled by the closing of the historical firehouse, and some level of hostility was to be expected between stations –their friendly game of competition was what pushed them to be better at their job– but Hughes didn't understand this hostility towards ‘19' from the few displaced firefighters they had encountered in recent calls.

“Look, I get you are mad at Ross, we all are, but this isn't our fault, man. Just give me back my ax.”

“Oh, please, everyone knows the department needed to cut the budget to give ‘19' anything you guys want, apparently.”

He tried to turn around again, but Hughes couldn't just let this go. Not again. 

“Yeah? Maybe if you guys didn't suck, she wouldn't have closed your firehouse.”

She leaned forward, grabbing back her ax from him, holding it in front of her body with both hands. Another firefighter from ‘21’ had approached them now, with Jack Gibson doing the same right after.

“What's going on here, Maddox?” Asked Gibson, standing slightly in front of Vic.

Maddox turned to his colleague with a smirk before facing Jack again. “Oh, it's “lieutenant pretty boy”. He’s an entrepreneur now, have you heard?”

“Hey! He outranks you, show some respect!” Hughes complained.

“Typical Gibson, always hiding behind a woman,” taunted Maddox. “Look! Here comes your captain to rescue you.”

Sure enough, Maya was striding towards them, holding a tablet on her left hand and a serious expression on her face, her eyes a shade darker than usual.

“What's going on? ‘21’ you’re supposed to be on search and rescue.”

“Yes, Captain Bishop,” said the young firefighter from ‘21’ who had yet to utter a word, before he jogged back to the scene.

“Is there a problem here?” 

“None, just catching up with all of you, ladies,” Maddox said with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows at the three of them before turning around and joining the rest of his squad.

Maya turned around to face her firefighters, observing the clenching of their jaws and the hard look on their eyes. She sighed. This had been their third run-in with an ex crew member from ‘23’, but Maddox had always been the less disciplined of the bunch – to put it lightly.

“Gibson, go help Montgomery,” she watched as he nodded and left. “And you, go take a break. Cool off, drink some water.”

“It's so unfair. It's not like we told Ross to shut down ‘23’!”

“I know, but you can't let them get to you like this. Not while we are on a call. Go take a break.”

Victoria nodded, taking off her helmet and slotting the axe back on her belt as she walked off to the break area they had set up behind their engine.

“Having trouble controlling the kids? I thought you were a mom now.”

Maya closed her eyes tightly and mentally counted to ten before turning around to face Chief Beckett, who was throwing a handful of mints inside his mouth. ‘ How wonderful ,’ she thought to herself.

“Everything is fine, sir.”

“You know, Bishop. I thought you would be more impressive, former Olympian and all.” He looked down at her for a few seconds, turning the mints around in his mouth before speaking again. “Control your house, or I will take over if you can’t.”

“Yes, sir.”

She spat the words, like they tasted bitter in her mouth, before readjusting her helmet and walking back to the scene. 

It had been almost two months since Beckett's promotion and she had been trying really hard to ignore his constant sexist jabs at her, but it was getting harder every day, especially ever since ‘23’ got shut down.

When they arrived back at the station, she jumped off the engine first, turnouts still on, and called for a line-up before anyone had made it off the vehicles. She stood between both lines of men and women and undid her turnout jacket, looking at them sternly.

“Listen up. I know things have been tense with former ‘23s’, I know they have been hostile and resentful, and I know it's not our fault. But they just lost their house, their family, and they are hurting. I know it's unfair, but I expect you all to remain professional. I would hate for the same to happen to us. So please, rise above it. Understood?”

“Yes, captain!” 

“Go shower.”

Once they had all gotten rid of their turnovers, Andy offered her a thumbs up before running upstairs with the rest of the crew, leaving Maya alone in the barn.

The fire captain sighed, running her hand through her hair, all the way down to the end of her ponytail. As she walked into her office, she contemplated how different things were from what she had envisioned life would be by now.

She wasn't Battalion Chief, she wasn't breaking any ceilings or any new records. Instead, she was still captain and she had to deal with an under qualified walking red flag of a man as a boss. Bruckner hadn't been too terrible, as far as old men went he had been manageable, but Sean Beckett was downright infuriating.

She sat down on her bunk and took off her shoes, sighing in immediate relief. She grabbed her phone from her pants pocket and looked at the photo that was currently her lockscreen: Carina laying on their bed with Isabella sleeping on her chest and Stella snuggled up to her side, using her mamma’s shoulder as a pillow, as she held her sister's tiny hand in hers. A smile immediately made it to her face, and she felt her pulse slowing down. 

Maya knew she needed to keep it together for them, and for ‘19'. Things might have not worked out the way she had initially planned, but such was life. She had to play with the cards she had been dealt, and she had to make sure that their jobs would remain safe by the end of the budgetary year. And then she would have to do it all over again, the next one, and the one after that.

She owed Pruitt Herrera, and herself, to protect this family the way she would protect the one she had created with Carina. Even if it meant dealing with every Sean Beckett in the world.

fratellino = little brother

stupido = idiot

grazie mille = thank you very much

Chapter Text

“And that's when she asked if I was pregnant!”

Carina would be on call that night, which meant she had the morning free to have breakfast at the station with her wife. They were currently seated at the beanery sharing coffee and a box of fresh cornetti Carina had brought with her, as they exchanged stories of the time they had spent apart because of their schedules,

“I mean, I could probably be convinced,” Maya remarked offhandedly as she took a sip of coffee, trying not to choke as she saw the bewildered expression on her wife's face. “What? You were the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever! And your hormones were pretty fun,” she added, lowering her voice.

“Bambina!” Carina exclaimed, startling the baby on her lap, who threw her head back against her mother's torso. “Mi dispiace, cucciola.”

Maya shot the pair a wide smile as she watched Isabella trying to grab her mamma's long tresses, grunting when Carina grabbed her tiny fists and kissed them to keep her from succeeding.

“Seeing you with the girls certainly isn't very contraceptive,” Maya joked, making Carina huff. “Speaking of which, where is Stella?”

“Andy grabbed her as soon as we came in,” she said, looking around as if they would magically appear at the mention of their names. “I think she said something about watching Jack be a sore loser? My Spanish is a bit rusty.”

“Oh, he’s rolling hoses with Vic, so those two probably turned it into a competition.”

Carina rolled her eyes as she finished off her coffee, licking her lips as she put down the empty mug on the table.

“Leave it there, I’ll clean it later,” said Maya, signalling for her wife to get up, and hoisting Isabella in her arms as soon as she did. “Come on, let's go make sure they don't have our daughter doing manual labor.”

“They better not!”

Sure enough, Vic and Gibson were rolling hoses side by side as the rest of the team hollered and cheered. Maya and Carina spotted Andy sitting on the side of the ladder truck, holding a clapping Stella on her lap.

Isabella started rocking her body, spit bubbling at the corner of her lips, no doubt excited about all the noise in the barn. Maya cleaned the spit with her thumb before she rubbed it against the back of her pants, making Carina chuckle at the very motherly act that she would often catch her wife doing without her realizing it. 

Thinking back to the Maya she first met almost four years ago, obsessed with rules, diets and order; compared to the wife and mother she had become now, so used to spit, and pasta and living with three very loud Italians –four whenever Andrea visited– it still made her shake her head in disbelief. 

“What?” Maya asked, feeling her wife's eyes on her.

“I love you.”

Maya turned to her then, surprised by her wife's sudden declaration. Even more surprisingly, Carina leaned over and captured her lips in a short but firm kiss, leaving her breathless and probably blushing, judging by the sudden warmth she felt on her face.

“Mom looks funny!”

Maya looked down as she felt small hands grabbing onto her leg, facing a grinning Stella that was looking at her with curiosity. Her wife chuckled, squatting down to be eye level with their eldest.

“Are you ready to go to daycare? Mom is picking you up later.”

Stella pouted, probably unhappy about the idea of leaving already. It was always harder to get her to want to go somewhere after spending time at the station with Maya and her firefighters. She burrowed into Maya's legs, wrapping both arms around them, only looking up when she felt her mom’s hand caressing the back of her head.

“Hey, don't you wanna see Luna, and Pru, and Allison?” Maya smiled when the little girl nodded against her legs. “And tonight we can make cookies so mamma can eat them for breakfast when she comes home tomorrow.”

“Yeah! I want cookies!” Carina said, grabbing her daughter by the hips and pulling her into her chest. “Someone has to make sure mom doesn't burn them all.”

“Hey! One time!” Maya exclaimed, readjusting a restless Isabella in her arms. She was offended by the constant reminder of her mishap. 

Stella giggled then, turning around so she could hold onto her mamma. Carina lifted her in her arms, letting out an exaggerated grunt at the effort, making Maya smile. She turned around so Stella could wave goodbye to everyone, receiving a bunch of waves in return and a few kisses Andy was blowing in her direction. 

The couple were about to say their goodbyes after securing the girls in the car seats of Carina's Porsche, when an official SFD truck drove into the parking lot, stopping at a spot close to the front door. Natasha Ross came out of the driver's door, sporting aviator sunglasses, her full uniform, and holding a leather briefcase in her hand. She nodded at the couple before she went inside the station, making Maya feel compelled to follow her.

“What is she doing here?” She wondered out loud.

“She better not be shutting down more fire stations,” Carina muttered angrily. She leaned over then, kissing her wife chastely. “Call me later and tell me everything. I love you.”

“I will. Love you too,” Maya said with one last kiss before walking towards the station.

The first thing Maya noticed when she entered her office was that Natasha Ross seemed quite comfortable there, more and more each time she visited. It made her wonder how often she visited other firehouses, and if she just waltzed into their Captain's offices without an invitation the way she did into hers.

She closes the door, her eyes never leaving the back of Ross’s head. The Chief was sitting in one of the visitor chairs as she looked through her phone, clearly waiting for Maya to make her way around the desk and join her. 

“It’s been a while. To what do I owe the pleasure?” she asked, taking her seat in the Captain's chair.

“I appreciate your candor, A+ for effort, but I prefer your honesty.”

She was smiling with her lips tight, but her face seemed relaxed enough, so Maya wondered if that had actually been her real smile all along. Maybe she didn't like to smile? Maya could understand that, she didn't smile a lot either, not genuinely. Until she met Carina, that is.

“I want to start by apologizing for not coming by sooner, I’ve been quite busy with some delicate issues.”

“Like shutting down ‘23’?”

“Always straight to the point. There’s the Bishop I know. That's one of the reasons, yes. Which also brings me here,” she checked her phone again, tapping a few times until she opened up a document, the format looking familiar to Maya. “I was reading your last report this morning, and I think you must have missed something.”

Maya tilted her head slightly, feeling the muscles of her forehead flexing into a frown. Given her lack of response, Ross continued.

“Beckett reported there was an incident, with John Maddox from ‘21’, that he noted almost turned into a physical altercation between him and one of your firefighters, Victoria Hughes. Does any of that ring a bell?”

Maya lowered her head then, letting out a deep sigh.

“I believe that was greatly exaggerated, ma’am. It was just a heated exchange of words, at best.”

Ross hummed, staring at her for a few seconds. “You see, this isn't the first incident reported involving a former firefighter from ‘23’, but it looks like some captains are leaving said incidents out of their reports. Should I be worried?”

Maya's eyebrows shot up at hearing that tidbit of information. She was pleasantly surprised that she hadn't been the only one to exclude those incidents from her official reports. It's not that she was trying to be rebellious or break any rules –Maya Bishop was, for the most part, a rule follower– but she just didn't think they were that important. But Beckett… She sighed. It seemed like he was going to be a permanent thorn in her side.

“I can't speak for the other captains, but the incidents I witnessed didn't interfere with our interventions and didn't hinder our work in any way. I didn't think it was worth making a big deal out of it. Just the normal level of tension at a scene.”

“Is that your official statement? Why would Beckett disagree with the rest of you?”

“With all due respect, ma’am, I believe Battalion Chief Beckett might have forgotten what it's like to be a firefighter, the stress of the job, the banter between stations… I don't know why he would write up the exchange between Maddox and Hughes in such a way, but that's not how I recall it, and I stand by those words.”

Maya tightened her jaw. She had spoken with a level of confidence she wasn't quite feeling, as part of her wondered if she had just made the wrong call by brushing off Vic’s little spat with Maddox. Beckett might be a moron, but he was her superior, and that meant his word carried more weight. At least in principle.

“I fear these little “incidents” will just keep happening unless we put a stop to them. We don't need distractions on the job.”

“May I speak freely?” Ross nodded her head. “These firefighters are mourning. Yes, no one has died, but they just lost their family. They are angry, and scared. They just need time, to mourn ‘23’, to adapt to their new houses. I think the best we can do as leaders is to give them the room to feel their sadness.”

Ross huffed, lowering her gaze for a second before looking right at Maya with a smile. A genuine smile that took the fire captain by surprise.

“Very well. I will not be taking any disciplinary actions. I will allow their Captains to deal with this issue in-house as they see fit. Thank you, Bishop.”

“Chief?” Maya was perplexed by the words of gratitude.

“You provided valuable insight into your leadership, and you made a very valid point. Sometimes, as we climb the ranks, it's easy to lose sight of what it was like to be a firefighter. So thank you for reminding me.”

Maya preened a little at the praise, sitting straighter in her chair, as she tried to hold back a smile. However, she soon remembered she had a question of her own for Ross.

“Chief, may I ask you a question? Why did you shut down ‘23’? Nobody could give us a straight answer.”

“I understand the frustration about this entire ordeal, but some things are out of our control. I’ll be frank, resources are tight right now, and the mayor put me in charge of an impossible task.”

“Is that why you threatened to shut down the clinic?”

Ross took a deep breath, and Maya could see her shoulders sag a little.

“I was trying to find a way to make the budget work. I thought I could work around the mayor’s demands, I really did, but that stunt Grey Sloan pulled turned the clinic program into a cornerstone of the mayor's campaign. After all the noise they made, he couldn't discontinue it without losing popularity.” 

Ross sighed, taking a moment to collect herself. It felt good to talk about this with someone. As a former soldier, she was used to accepting orders and carrying them out without questioning her superiors, but being in SFD had been different, lonely. She longed for some sort of camaraderie. Natasha had to remind herself Bishop was just another Captain, and there were details she couldn’t just disclose.

“Shutting down ‘23’ was a hard decision, but it was the kinder choice – it saved a lot of jobs, it will keep our firefighters safe.” The Chief smirked then, shaking her head as she started to pick up her things. “You see, Bishop, even I have a boss I have to listen to. Being Chief is not an easy job, you have to make tough choices that will make you very unpopular amongst your peers and you have to be ready for that because, at the end of the day, you’re the one who pulled the trigger.”

Maya tilted her head as she observed Ross getting up from the chair and straightening her jacket. She did the same, getting up and politely walking her to the door, even though they were just a couple of steps away from it.

“That couldn’t have been an easy decision.”

Ross tightened her lips into a thin smile at the observation. “You're a fine leader, Bishop. I can't wait to see you help change this department.”

Maya watched her leave with a frown, Jack’s voice sounded muffled as he spoke to someone on the phone at the reception desk, as her mind wouldn't stop replaying Ross’s words in her head. 

She did want to introduce change into the department, but that would require climbing the ranks, something that seemed impossible for the next few years at least. As things stood, Maya would have to wait at least two more years before the next Battalion Chief's retirement, and by then other captains would also have the experience required to throw their hat in the ring.

She was about to close the door to her office to call Carina when the klaxon chose that moment to go off. And as she was taking her seat in the engine’s passenger seat, she asked the universe to avoid crossing paths with any ex members of ‘23’. She didn't want to have a reason to regret defending them in front of the Chief.

Chapter Text

Carina was in the middle of a conversation with a nurse from obstetrics when her pager went off. The elevator ride was fast, as visiting hours were already over, and as soon as she made it to the first floor, she rushed to the ambulance bay, where Doctor Helm was already waiting for her with gloves and a gown that Carina put on with practiced ease.

“Do we know what's coming?”

“Dispatch said a female, forty-two, penetrating wound through the lower quadrant of the abdomen,” the resident explained as they watched the ambulance approaching. “I already asked them to page the trauma surgeon on call.”

Carina nodded, pleased by Helm’s thinking, as she observed the vehicle parking in front of them was 19’s aid car and, as the doors opened, she vaguely recognized the paramedics inside as two of the firefighters from C shift. 

“Hi, Doctor DeLuca. Good to know she'll be in the best hands,” one of them said as soon as he saw her.

“Hello, what do we have?” 

The paramedic parroted the victim’s information as they pushed her inside the hospital, all the way to a trauma room. They moved the patient to the hospital gurney, allowing the paramedics to retrieve their spinal board so Carina and Helm could start their assessment of the patient.

Carina was reaching for the portable ultrasound machine a nurse was handing her when Owen Hunt waltzed inside the trauma room, putting on a pair of gloves with a loud smack.

“Sorry, I was just finishing up in the OR. What did I miss?”

“Car crash. The object went through the perineum, and there seems to be a mesenteric laceration,” she explained as she moved the probe around, focused on the small screen. “There's no organ damage that I can see, and there's no free fluid in the abdomen.”

“Okay, she's stable for now. Let's pack her and bring her to imaging before surgery. OR 3 is free. Call ortho and tell urology to be on stand by just in case,” Hunt indicated to a nurse before turning to Carina. “I’ll see you up there.”

Carina nodded as she took off her gloves and gown before leaving the trauma room.  She grabbed a hairband from her wrist and started gathering her hair in a braid when she spotted the paramedics still at the hospital, filling their forms at the reception desk. 

She smiled at them as she passed them on her way to the elevator and she couldn't help but overhear them as she waited.

“What do you figure Beckett did to get benched?”

“Who knows. It could be literally anything with that guy,” the other replied with a smirk. “I say sexual harassment.”

“Or drinking on the job.”

“You heard that one too?”

Overhearing people gossiping about their colleagues or bosses wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but the fact that they were discussing Sean Beckett getting benched piqued Carina’s interest. Maya had never gotten back to her after her meeting with Ross, but she had simply imagined she was having a busy day. Now she wondered if Maya had been caught in the middle of this Beckett thing.

She went up to the maternity floor and checked on a couple of patients just to make sure they remained stable and nowhere near ready to give birth before she got paged to OR 3 – their patient was getting prepped.

As soon as she got to the surgical floor she donned a cap and proceeded to furiously scrub her hands and arms, with Helm and Hunt entering the room as she was finishing. She nodded at them and pushed her way into the OR, holding her arms up as she was gowned, masked and gloved by the scrub nurses.

As she took her place in front of the patient, she took a deep breath and rolled her neck and wrists, something she liked to do before every procedure to make sure she wasn't holding onto unnecessary tension. Soon enough, Owen and Doctor Helm joined her around the operating table and they were ready to begin the procedure.

An hour into surgery, Carina looked at the clock on the wall and groaned, unhappy with the time.

“Everything okay, DeLuca?,” Owen asked her, a pronounced frown forming on his forehead.

“Yeah, I just realized Maya must be about to pick up the girls and I won't be able to talk to her until much later.”

“Call her,” he suggested after letting out a small laugh. 

She contemplated the idea for a few moments, unsure about it. Plenty of doctors attended phone calls during procedures, but she had never been one of them, choosing to be completely focused on her patients. She was about to cave in when she spotted something that worried her.

“Wait a second,” she said out loud, causing Hunt to stop his exploration of the intestines and everyone directed their attention to her. “There appears to be bruising of the broad ligament.” Slowly, she manipulated the layers of tissue to get a better look. “There's no tearing, we are good.”

Hunt sighed in relief as he continued his exploration, not finding any lacerations in the colon so far. Also a good sign.

“BokHee, call my wife, please.” Carina listened patiently to the tones until her wife unmistakably picked up. 

“Carina, hey. I was just parking at the hospital. Everything okay?”

“That's why I was calling, I’m afraid I can't come say goodbye to you and the girls, I got pulled into a surgery and I don't know how long it will take.”

A playful gasp could be heard from the other side of the line. “Carina DeLuca, are you calling me while your hands are inside another woman?” Maya joked in fake outrage.

Carina couldn't help but laugh, keeping her hands away from the operating field to avoid hurting the patient by accident. “Bambina!,” she tried to chastise her, but her heart wasn't really in it. “Listen, two of your guys from C-shift brought the patient in and I overheard them talking about Beckett getting benched.”

“Wait, what? Are you sure? But when? How?,” she asked almost frantically. 

“Breathe, Maya. And I have no idea. I thought maybe you knew and forgot to tell me. You never called me back.”

“Sorry, babe. It’s been a crazy day and I forgot. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Carina happily agreed, returning her hands to the cavity as she observed Hunt move the intestines to the side so she could safely complete the repair without worrying about accidentally damaging the organ and causing fecal contamination. “Say goodnight to the girls for me? I love you.”

“I will. I love you too. Go be a rock star.”

As the call disconnected a weird silence filled the OR for a few moments, before Helm cleared her throat, looking between the two surgeons hesitantly.

“Just say it!” Hunt prompted her, tired of waiting for her to speak up.

“I just- Doctor DeLuca?” Carina hummed in acknowledgement, not taking her eyes from the tissue she was cleaning. “I just wanted to say that I really look up to you and your wife. You two are honestly goals.”

Carina pouted, glad the medical resident couldn't see her expression behind the fabric of her mask. 

As a doctor in a teaching hospital, she hoped she was inspiring young doctors to, at the very least, respect obstetrics as a specialty, knowing perfectly well it wasn't the most popular choice amongst residents. But she had never expected to be an inspiration to anyone because of her personal life. Hearing those words from Helm, and the sincere affection in her voice, she realized she very much liked the idea of young queer people looking up to her marriage.

“Thank you, Helm. That means a lot. Now, tell me what’s the next step on this uterine repair.”

*****

Maya was rushing around the kitchen. She was still rattled after her meeting with Ross, and the news about Beckett had her brain working overtime. As promised, she and Stella had started baking cookies as soon as they got home from the hospital, but she was starting to regret it. 

Isabella had been happy to lay in her playpen, entertaining herself with her teething ring and a couple of stuffed animals Stella had decided would watch over her baby sister while they baked. 

However, it was Stella who was being difficult. Maya didn't know how Carina did it, but she hadn’t been able to keep Stella’s interest once they had started mixing the ingredients in a big stainless steel bowl. The three year old was having a grand time playing with a handful of flour as if it was sand, getting it in places flour had no business getting into.

“Stella, please. Leave the flour alone. Come help me mix,” Maya tried to refocus the girl’s energy into baking instead of making the kitchen look like a flour bomb had gone off. Something that would probably be much easier if she wasn’t also in the middle of a phone call with Andy.

The phone was currently lying somewhere around the kitchen island, probably under the bag of chocolate chips, and Maya could hear her friend laughing.

“I’m glad at least someone is having fun,” she grumbled under her breath, as her friend continued snickering.

“Sorry, Bishop. I just never thought you’d be bested by some baking,” amusement coated Andy’s voice.

Maya grabbed the phone and brought it with her to the kitchen counter, where she turned on the faucet. She grabbed Stella by the waist, effectively stopping her from running around, and lifted her, making her hover over the sink.

“Okay, probie. You’re done. Wash your hands.”

The tip of Stella’s tongue was poking out between her lips as she took the task at hand very seriously. Maya couldn’t help but smile affectionately at the mannerism that was so like Carina whenever she needed to focus on a task that wasn’t part of her routine. A few moments later, Stella held her hands up for inspection, and Maya deemed them clean enough. She set her daughter back on the ground and closed the faucet, realizing then that she hadn’t been paying attention to whatever Andy had just said.

“Sorry, what was that?” 

“As I was saying, there’s a meeting scheduled for Monday at headquarters, but my friend has no idea what it is about. Just that one representative from the syndicate will be asked to attend.” Andy paused for a second, a faint ruffling could be heard, and when she spoke again her voice sounded almost like a mumble. “I would’ve expected Ross to tell you something during your meeting today.”

“Are you eating?” Maya asked, as she started spreading the cookie dough with a rolling pin.

“Well, all this talk about cookies made me hungry.”

Maya would have teased her friend, if it wasn’t because Isabella had started crying. She lifted her head so fast she almost gave herself whiplash, immediately grabbing a tea towel to clean her hands and walk over to the playpen. Isabella was on her hands and knees, crying inconsolably as she rocked her body.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? What’s going on, Isa?” Maya lifted the baby from the playpen, cradling her in her arms as she looked her over. 

Not finding anything physically wrong with her, she tried to get her to stop, pacing around the kitchen as she rubbed the little girl’s back. Stella wrapped her arms around Maya’s legs, effectively stopping her pacing.

“It’s okay, ‘sbella,” she said, looking up at the baby in her mom’s arms with worried eyes.

Maya smiled, caressing Stella’s head with one of her hands. She would never stop marveling at the empathy the little girl displayed when the people around her were in pain. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised, considering Carina was the exact same way – it’s what made her wife a tremendous doctor and one of the best people Maya had ever met.

“Everything okay? Do you need me to come over?,” Andy asked from the other end of the line, reminding Maya that they had been talking just a minute ago.

“It’s all good, Andy. I think it’s just her gums bothering her, don’t wor-” 

The doorbell rang at that moment, interrupting the fire captain, and Stella took off running before she could stop her. 

“Stella, wait!”

The little girl tried to stop in her tracks, but her sock covered feet slipped, making her slip and fall. Maya cursed under her breath as she rushed to her daughter’s side immediately kneeling down, mindful of the baby in her arms. Stella threw herself into her body, crying inconsolably.

“Are you okay? Did you hit anything?!” Panic rose in her, fearing Stella might have hit her head again. 

Maya wrapped an arm around the little body and pressed her close to her own in an attempt to comfort her, but her cries upset her sister, who had just finally calmed down, causing Isabella's cries to join Stella’s.

“Maya? What’s going on?” 

Maya closed her eyes, relieved to hear the muffled sound of her brother-in-law’s voice behind the front door. She indicated for Stella to stay put before she rushed to the door, opening it and handing Isabella to Andrew as soon as he came into view so she could rush back and check on her eldest, who was now hiccuping on the living room floor.

“Does anything hurt?,” Maya asked as soon as she knelt in front of Stella, who raised her arms in her direction. 

Taking the hint, Maya held her daughter, feeling the cries subside significantly as soon as they were chest to chest. She lifted up her face when she felt Andrew squatting by her side, with a now whimpering Isabella in his arms.

“What happened?,” he asked, worry evident in his voice.

“She fell when she was running to the door, which we aren’t supposed to do, are we?” Maya asked her daughter, who squeezed her neck harder in response to being reprimanded. “Isabella just wanted to join in on the drama, but I think her gums are bothering her again.”

“Switch?” Andrew offered, handing the baby over to his sister-in-law, and lifting Stella in his arms. “Okay, let’s take a look at you, shall we?”

He walked in the direction of the kitchen, eyeing the mess with a smile, but knowing better than to say anything. He set Stella down on the kitchen table and started asking her if anything hurt, as he checked her head for any bumps.

“Hello! Maya? Are you there? I’m coming over!”

Maya had completely forgotten about Andy again. She walked to the kitchen counter and grabbed her phone, turning off the speaker. 

“Andy, hey. You don’t need to come over, everything is under control,” she leaned her cheek against Isabella’s head as she listened to her friend asking if she needed help. “No, Andrew is here, we’ll be okay. Thank you, Andy.”

Once the call disconnected, she returned the phone to the kitchen counter, sighing as she tried to catch her breath after some very chaotic minutes. Isabella whimpered as she grabbed the fabric of Maya’s sweatshirt in her little fist, reminding her of what had started the entire ordeal. 

Maya walked to the fridge, opening the freezer and grabbing the spare teething ring before handing it to Isabella, who started slobbering all over it as she brought it to her mouth. Maya grimaced at the excessive amount of drool, but she was glad at least one daughter was taken care of. She moved towards the table, standing by Andrew as he had Stella following his finger with her eyes.

“She’s okay, right?”

“She’s completely fine,” Andrew assured her, holding his hand up so his niece could give him a high five, chuckling when Maya sighed in relief. “Don’t worry, you’ll live to see another day.”

Maya sneered at him despite knowing he was right – Carina might have killed her if anything had happened to the girls. Thankfully, today wouldn’t be the day when they could test the theory. She cradled Isabella’s head with her hand and dropped a lingering kiss on her forehead, closing her eyes for a second.

“No more running in the house. Definitely no more running without shoes,” she reprimanded Stella, despite her tone remaining calm. 

The little girl nodded, kicking her legs to let the adults know she wanted to be let down. Andrew grabbed her under her armpits, taking a second to kiss her cheek noisily, before setting her on the ground again. Instead of walking off to play somewhere else, Stella grabbed her uncle’s hand and brought him to the kitchen island, where the forgotten cookie dough laid, half spread.

“Biscotti per la mamma!”, she indicated, her face breaking into a smile as she pointed to the flour covered surface, despite not being tall enough to see.

“Oh, now she wants to bake,” the fire captain muttered under her breath.

Andrew looked at Maya with a frown. She just shook her head before walking to the playpen and dropping Isabella inside with her teething ring. She washed her hands in the kitchen sink and turned back to the kitchen island as Andrew helped Stella get back on her stool so she could see.

“Are you baking cookies with us?” 

“Only if I get to lick the spoon.”

Andrew’s lopsided smirk made Maya think about Carina, whom she hoped was having a far less chaotic evening than her. She squinted her eyes playfully, as if what he was asking was too hard of a request, before pushing the sleeves of her sweatshirt up to her elbows. 

Time to bake some cookies. Carina would be expecting them in the morning after all.

Biscotti per la mamma! = cookies for mom!

Chapter Text

Andrew smiled at Maya from his spot on the recliner. He watched her make her way to the couch and drop with a sigh, her hand switching the baby monitor for the beer bottle he had left for her on the coffee table, atop a coaster.

“What?” she asked, aware of the annoying smirk on his face.

“Nothing. Just thinking,” he shrugged before he took a sip of his beer.

“What about?”

Maya stretched her legs on the couch, adjusting the pillows behind her back so she could sit comfortably while she waited for an answer.

“I was just remembering the first time I saw you at the hospital, the time Stella had an ear infection.” She opened and closed her mouth, knowing very well what day he was talking about. “I wanted to kick you out of the ER, not going to lie,” he said with a smirk. “And now you’re married to my sister, and you’re the mother of her children.”

She couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips when she heard that. 

Maya will always feel pride in being the person Carina chose to spend the rest of her life with, to raise children with. She had won a gold Olympic medal on a sprained ankle, she had become the youngest fire Captain in Seattle, and the first female captain at Station 19, but being chosen by Carina was her proudest achievement.

“I bet it’s killing you,” she joked back with a satisfied smirk at the laugh Andrew let out.

“I am cautiously optimistic about you two making it.”

“Shut up!” 

Andrew let out another belly laugh, barely avoiding getting smacked in the face by the pillow Maya threw at him.

Andrew leaned forward, elbows on his knees, as his fingers started peeling off the label on the bottle, his short fingernails struggling to get off the first corner. He could feel Maya’s eyes on him, but the laughter had died down moments ago, his sister was at work, and the girls were in bed – this might be one of the few times he had been alone with Maya without their family or friends acting as buffers.

He looked up when she cleared her throat, his arched eyebrows acted as a silent permission for her to break the silence.

“Not that I wasn’t happy to see you, because I really needed the help back there, but why are you really here?”

“Can’t a guy just want to see his nieces on a night when he knows his sister-in-law would be home alone with them?” He watched his sister-in-law tilt her head to the side, looking at him pointedly. He sighed then. “I just… I’ve been struggling lately. I’ve been taking my meds, and I’ve been going to the gym, keeping my routines as much as I can, but I’m not sleeping, and my anxiety... I can feel it spiking.”

“Have you t-”

“Told Carina? No, she’ll worry. She already does.”

“Andrew…”

“I’m not manic, okay? It hasn’t gotten that bad,” he lifted his eyes, finding Maya’s. He could see her doubts as clear as the blue of her irises. “I’m not, I promise. I have an appointment tomorrow.”

Maya’s gaze softened as she came to the realization that Andrew was worried about his appointment. Carina had mentioned in passing how much the last medication switch had affected him, and Maya hadn’t wanted to press on such a private issue, but it was clear to her now.

“You’re worried they might change your medication again,” she said out loud, her voice soft and filled with sympathy.

His eyes found hers, wide with surprise that she had been able to read him so accurately, for as much as they had a cordial relationship, they weren’t exactly close.

“Last time that happened I was in bed for days, I had mood swings, I- It took a while for me to adjust. I just wanted to see the girls before any of that potentially happens.” He sighed then, leaving the empty bottle on the coaster in front of him. “You’re probably thinking I shouldn’t be allowed near them, uh?”

“No! Andrew, never. Yes, I am worried, but because I care about you. And I know how much this affects you, and Carina. The girls adore you, of course I would never keep you from them.” She moved closer to him, her hand grabbing his forearm without any real force, but enough that she hoped he would feel somehow comforted by the touch. “We’re here for you, okay?”

A soft smile tugging at his lips as he nodded at her.

They heard whimpering coming from the baby monitor, which had Maya checking the screen immediately. Isabella was struggling with her blanket, grunting as she tried to detangle her legs from the fabric twisted around her. Andrew chuckled at the sight.

“Duty calls,” Maya said, springing from the couch as she rushed upstairs, trying to get to the baby before she started crying and woke up her sister.

*****

Carina practically skipped through the front door. Maya had messaged her last night to let her know Andrew was staying over, but seeing his motorcycle parked on their driveway filled her with renewed glee at the prospect of having all her loved ones under the same roof. The sight that greeted her only made her smile even more.

Maya was flipping pancakes on the stove. Her hair was up in a small ponytail and she had a kitchen towel draped over her shoulder as she waited for the next pancake to start bubbling so she could flip it. And when she turned around, her eyes met Carina’s for a second, enough to make her smile so big her nose scrunched up at the sight of her wife, which never failed to warm Carina’s heart.

Stella was sitting in her booster chair, a plate with two small pancakes and a glass of milk in front of her, talking in a mix of English and Italian that seemed to amuse her uncle – Carina could only see his profile but she knew his green eyes were twinkling in delight as he laughed.

“Buongiorno! ” Carina greeted her family before she closed the front door, dropping her coat and purse over the back of the couch as she walked straight to the kitchen. 

She kissed her brother’s head first, delighted when she discovered Isabella sitting on his lap. The baby started waving a spit-covered teething ring in the air, grunting excitedly when she spotted her mother.

“Ciao, tesoro! Ti sei comportato bene?,” she asked no one in particular as she lifted Isabella from Andrea’s arms, kissing her warm chubby cheeks repeatedly, which only made her daughter squeal. 

“Do you want pancakes?” Maya asked, looking at her briefly before adding one more pancake to the stack she had already cooked.

“No, thank you. Besides, I was promised biscotti!” 

Carina kissed a laughing Stella on top of her head, lovingly caressing the underside of her chin with her hand as she watched her wife walk to the table with a plate full of fluffy pancakes and crispy bacon, and holding a red mug full of coffee in the other.

“Buongiorno, amore mio.”

Maya always sounded so soft and sweet whenever she spoke in Italian –it wasn’t an everyday occurrence and it was usually saved for when they were alone– and Carina would swear she felt palpitations every single time she did it. The taste of coffee on her wife’s lips made her hum in contentment.

“I missed you,” Carina said, a sentiment Maya returned before kissing her once more.

She smiled as she saw her brother walk up to the coffee maker and start preparing what she assumed would be a cappuccino for her, so she took a seat beside Maya, draping her arm over the back of her chair as she observed the fire captain helping Stella cut her pancakes.

Before she knew it, Andrea was setting a mug of coffee and a plate of oddly shaped chocolate chip cookies in front of her, returning her smile –no words needed between them–, before he announced his departure. He thanked Maya for whatever they had shared the night before, and kissed Carina and Stella goodbye before grabbing his helmet and leaving.

Carina, who had observed everything with a frown, turned to her wife, waiting for the woman to meet her eyes and understand the question behind her worried expression. 

“What?” Maya asked with a frown of her own.

“Is he okay? What happened? It’s not like him to stay over.”

“Oh that was my fault, actually. The Mariners game ran late –extra innings– and we had some beers so I didn’t want him driving like that.”

Maya had explained everything so matter of fact that it was hard to argue with it. So why was there an uneasy feeling lingering in the back of Carina’s mind, telling her there was more to the story?

She adjusted Isabella on her lap. The bigger she got, the harder it was to keep her still. She moved her head back, barely avoiding getting hit on the chin by the teething ring her daughter was shaking for no apparent reason that Carina could see, laughing at the small frown adorning her sweet little face. She leaned forward, kissing the frown away.

“That’s all?” 

“Yeah, why?”

Carina shook her head, dropping the subject for now. 

It was clear to her now that whatever had happened between her wife and her brother last night, whatever they had shared, would stay between them for now. 

She didn’t mind. On the contrary. Nothing made her happier than observing the way in which Maya and Andrea had grown closer over the years – from a mutual respect and a careful distance, to a camaraderie that included their own jokes and banter, far less intense than the one Andrea and Carina shared, of course. 

“Ahh, dat’s da stuff.”

Stella’s serious tone as she set down the glass of milk she had just finished, broke her out of her reverie, making her and her wife chuckle at the girl’s antics.

“She gets that from you!” Carina told her wife, who pointed at herself as she feigned offense. Carina nodded, amused, before she grabbed a cookie and took a bite, moaning at the taste of coffee and chocolate mixed in her mouth.

Half an hour later, Carina watched as Stella picked one toy to bring with her to daycare, Maya waiting patiently with Isabella in her arms, singing softly to her as she bounced in place, making the little girl laugh, drool pooling at the corner of her mouth.

Carina grabbed her coat and put it on under the confused look of her wife, who had stopped singing as she watched her.

“You’re coming with us? You just left that place, why would you want to go back?” 

“It’s not like I’m going to work, we are dropping off the girls at daycare,” she explained, not seeing the issue with her decision.

“Okaaay,” Maya muttered under her breath, still confused by her wife’s decision. Stella chose that moment to walk up to them, struggling to zip her small backpack closed. “Are you ready?”

The little girl shook her head, still fidgeting with the zipper as her mamma moved her hair from under her jacket, caressing it down with her hand.

“Otay, weady now,” Stella stated in a breathy tone. That zipper had been tough.

*****

Maya took her eyes away from the road for a second to look at her wife. They were driving back from the hospital and Carina had yawned three times in the last minute alone.

“You should’ve stayed home to rest. You’re exhausted.”

“I will. I wanted to come with you.”

Maya smiled as she stopped the car on an intersection before going forward again once she had made sure no cars were coming. She was still surprised Carina had decided to join them, not that she minded one bit –Maya would spend every minute of the day with her wife if she could– but it was still unusual after a twelve hour overnight shift. 

“I can hear you thinking,” Carina mumbled from the passenger seat, turning her head to the side and opening one eye to look at her wife. 

Maya chuckled, shaking her head as she turned the wheel to take a right turn, turning off the blinker as soon as the vehicle was straight again.

“You’re just so stubborn!”

“I wanted to talk. We can’t talk if I’m asleep.”

Carina yawned once again. This time she sat straighter, rubbing her face with her hands as she tried to wake up to be able to carry on a conversation.

“You keep saying that. Should I be worried?”

“I don’t know, should you?” Carina watched the crease on her wife’s forehead as she frowned in confusion. “Is Andrea okay? Be honest.” 

Maya sighed then. She could hear the worry in her wife’s tone, the fear that Andrew might be struggling again. She didn’t want to betray his trust, but she had to tell Carina something, anything, to save her the anguish of wondering. 

“He might have expressed some concern about his medication not working. But he has it under control,” she rushed to add. “He is going to be seeing his therapist and they’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah,” Carina nodded her head a few times, as if trying to convince herself. “Yes, we will,” she stated with conviction this time. 

“Of course,” Maya agreed softly. “We will keep an eye on him; we’ll be there for him.”

Carina exhaled shakily, swallowing the lump in her throat. One look at her brother and she had known, something had been off, her gut had been correct once again. She sighed, covering the hand Maya had laid on her thigh with hers.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as the comforting smells of Maya's Jeep invaded her nostrils, a smile tugging at her lips at the memories they evoked. That's when Carina remembered there was something she had meant to discuss with her wife.

“I think I want to sell the Porsche,” she blurted out.

“W-what?!” Maya asked, completely taken back by the statement. “Why? You love the Porsche.”

“No, bambina. You love the Porsche. To me it’s just a car,” she shrugged. “I was thinking about getting a small SUV, electric maybe? Environmentally friendly and with more space in the back for the girls.”

Maya couldn’t help the pout that adorned her face, but it didn’t last long, as Carina leaned over and kissed her cheek, effectively making her grin instead.

“Okay, fine. We can look into that.”

“Sì, I already have one in mind. Oh, and then we can start looking into preschools for Stella,” she added before yawning once more.

Maya’s mouth opened and closed, too many thoughts racing to the front of her mind as she tried to process everything her wife was saying. One minute she was having pancakes with her family, plus her brother-in-law, the next Carina was springing so many changes on her before even lunch time.

Her thoughts strayed to work, to the mysterious meeting at headquarters, to Beckett being benched out of a sudden, to her being kept in the dark about all of it, again. She could feel her breathing getting more labored as she tried to keep a firm grip on the wheel with the one hand she had free.

She took a deep breath, mentally counting to seven before letting the air out, feeling the slight burn as her lungs deflated. She did this a few times until her heart stopped racing. Carina’s hand twitched in hers, prompting Maya to look her way for a second. 

Her wife had fallen asleep, completely unaware of the turmoil her suggestions had caused in her wife, only two blocks away from their home. Maya couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her as she took the now familiar turn into their street; thinking, not for the first time, how differently they approached change.

Carina’s excitement over the possibility of facing changes, however small or big, was almost exuberant, while the idea of change will frazzle Maya initially. 

She slowed down the car as they approached their driveway, expertly easing the vehicle into the space besides the Porsche. She turned off the engine and sighed, taking one look at the luxurious car that soon enough would no longer take up space in their garage. 

She turned her head and observed her wife for a few seconds –she took in the small pout of her lips, her relaxed forehead free of worry lines– and she almost felt bad for needing to wake Carina up. But then she remembered they could lay in bed all day if they wanted to, and that was something she was definitely looking forward to.

Ciao, tesoro! Ti sei comportato bene? = hi, sweetheart. Were you good?

Chapter Text

Maya squinted as she looked up, the sun hitting her square in the face as she observed the thick, dark smoke rising from the roof of the four story tire shop that had caught on fire. 

“Come on, come on…,” she whispered to herself, anxious to see results. 

“Captain Bishop, report!”

Maya turned around when she heard Chief Ross calling her name. She held back the expletive that came to mind at seeing the woman approaching her with her white helmet on and her heavy turnout jacket undone.

“The owner said there are at least two people trapped on the third floor, but the smoke is too thick. ’45’ has men on the roof for vertical ventilation. ‘19’ is on the ground waiting for visibility to improve so they can go in.”

“Understood,” Maya looked at the woman, expecting her to say something else. Ross caught her eyes with a smirk. “Oh, I’m not taking command, Captain. I’m just here to observe.”

Maya nodded before directing her eyes back to the building, the smoke was finally clearer, despite the heavy smell of burnt rubber in the air. She grabbed her radio, not taking her eyes off of the building.

“19, proceed with search and rescue. I want horizontal ventilation on every floor, the smoke is not clearing as fast as I’d like.”

“Copy that, Captain,” Herrera’s voice cackled through the radio.

“45, evacuate your roof crew. Keep your ladder on standby.”

“Copy, Bishop,” Captain Willis acknowledged. 

From the corner of her eye, Maya could see Chief Ross pacing around, probably assessing the scene and making sure she wasn’t missing anything. God, Maya hated the way the woman could make her feel like a probie again with just one of her ambiguous ‘hums’. 

She shook her head, trying to ignore the woman as she went over the building’s plans on her tablet for the fifth time, making sure they weren’t missing anything important. Maya was a capable and resourceful captain and she was not about to slip up with the Chief on site. 

Short of an hour later, the fire had been put out, the victims had been evacuated, and the scene was being secured by Chief Ross, who made sure the arson unit had all the information to start their investigation. 

Maya was sitting on the passenger seat of the engine, the door wide open as she logged the last details of the call on her tablet. Andy leaned her back against the truck as she took a sip of water, panting from exhaustion. 

“Do you think Ross is here because of the Beckett thing?,” she asked, still facing forward as she watched their boss talking to a couple of local news reporters.

“Paranoid much?” Maya asked bemusedly without lifting her eyes from the screen. “Supervising calls is part of her job.”

“Yeah, but this is the third call where she’s turned up unannounced in two days. And all of them were calls where you were in charge. Don’t you find that suspicious?”

Maya sighed, turning off the screen as Andy finally turned to face her. She had to admit that the timing seemed suspicious, almost a pattern, which made her uneasy. Perhaps Herrera was onto something. 

“Do you think Beckett told her anything about me? About ‘19’?”

“Oh, I’m sure Beckett had a lot to say about us,” Andy said, her tone full of sarcasm. “Hey, you’re fine. You’re a damn good captain, and we are lucky to have you. There’s no way Ross is questioning that.”

Maya huffed, rolling her eyes at her friend’s praise. “I recall you feeling differently.”

Andy opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, not knowing what to say to something so painfully true that took her back to one of the darkest times of her life, one that she regretted profoundly. Luckily, her best friend’s face broke into a smile, which made her shoulders sag in relief.

“Just drive,” Maya said, closing the door of the engine and leaving Andy to rush to the driver’s seat so they could go back to the station.

*****

Maya brushed the sweat away from her forehead with her wrist as she smiled at the screen of her phone. She was in the middle of a workout when Carina had facetimed her during her lunch break so she could say hello to the girls. The fire captain hadn’t hesitated to take the call, stopping the treadmill and sitting down on the workout bench as they talked about their days. 

Carina was currently in the middle of explaining one of her cases, as she kept an eye on Isabella who was hitting the colored squares in her sensory pad, encouraged by her big sister, who was sitting in front of her trying to teach her the name of each color in both English and Italian. 

“I don’t think anyone could ever be this excited about a prolapsed uterus,” joked Maya, a smirk adorning her face as she watched her wife squinting adorably, pointing at the screen with her finger.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t see cases like this that often. Which is strange considering over 50% of women experience pelvic organ prolapse at some point.”

Maya made a face of disgust as her brain tried to conjure up some gruesome images without her permission, especially now that Carina had vaguely explained what she had to do in order to solve the problem. 

“You still don’t need to smile that much, you know? It’s kind of disturbing,” Maya teased her.

“Bambina! That’s not- Your daughters are being very cute right now, look.”

Carina turned her phone around so her wife could see Stella holding Isabella against her body as they kept playing with the sensory mat. Maya appreciated the gesture, her gaze softening at the adorable image on her phone screen, glad Carina had made sure she wouldn’t miss out on it.

“I wish I was there with you,” Maya said softly.

“I wish that too. Sweat and all.”

“I thought you liked it when I’m sweaty,” teased the fire captain, her voice lowering in a teasing manner.

Carina bit her lip, shaking her head as her face filled the screen again.

“Okay, I should go take a shower before we get a call. Give the girls a kiss for me.”

“I will. Be careful, please. Ciao, amore.”

Maya smiled as her wife blew her several kisses, reciprocating with one of her own before the call disconnected. She hadn’t put her phone away, when Chief Ross appeared on the door of the gym, surprising her.

“Chief Ross.”

“Bishop, do you have a minute?”

“Yes, of course. Sorry, I was in the middle of a workout when my wife called,” she said, explaining her disheveled appearance as she tried to pat down some of the flyaway hairs on her head.

“That’s okay, this isn’t really a formal visit. Consider it something of a more personal nature.”

Maya tilted her head slightly, confused as to what her boss might be getting at. She felt uncomfortable enough, sweaty and flushed, and certainly under dressed, without having to try and guess why the Chief of SFD was visiting her in the middle of the day.

The fire captain watched Ross pace around the small room, observing the equipment, while Maya tried to keep her composure, not wanting Ross to know just how anxious she really felt.

“I’m sure you have heard by now that Battalion Chief Beckett has been temporarily suspended..” Maya nodded her head, confirming her assumption was correct. “I guess it’s safe to assume you also know about the meeting on Monday. I wanted to give you a heads up before that meeting takes place.”

“A heads up, ma’am?” Maya asked, the frown between her eyebrows deepening was evidence of her confusion.

“I can’t give you any details, but let’s say your time at the academy, and Doctor DeLuca’s findings, uncovered a series of irregularities in the department that I’m trying to correct. Sean Beckett was one of those irregularities. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Natasha looked at her with what would look like a neutral face to anyone else, but Maya was able to detect a hint of a smile in the corner of her lips, and a slight raise of her eyebrows. Maya tried to suffocate the sense of trepidation that threatened to take over her as her mind ran wild with the possible scenarios of what Chief Ross was implying.

“I think I do,” she said, not wanting to risk saying the wrong thing.

“I can’t know for sure what the outcome of this meeting will be, but I trust the integrity and commitment to the department of everyone in attendance. I trust we will all agree on what the right thing to do is. And that’s why I wanted to thank you.”

“Me?” That took Maya for surprise.

“You reminded me of what being a firefighter was really about, and what I wanted to achieve when I got this position,” she reached out to touch one of the dumbbells in the rack, scraping at the weight number with a fingernail. “Promotions are tempting, they feel good, but it’s so easy to lose sight of what really matters underneath all the politics and the bureaucracy. We are firefighters, not politicians. And it was about time I remembered that.”

Maya’s face relaxed, as she started to look at the Chief under a different light. She was happy to see she had been correct in thinking Ross would do things differently, that she could bring real change to the department. But it had also been easy for her to get swept away by the feeling of frustration when she didn’t get a shot at the promotion she thought was rightfully hers. She had misjudged Natasha Ross based on her personal feelings of dejection.

Ross smiled briefly, shaking her head as she walked to stand right in front of Maya.

“I know how frustrating it is to miss out on a promotion you were more than qualified for. But rest assured, another opportunity will come around sooner than you think.”

“Chief?”

“Like I said, I can’t make any promises. But if things go the way I expect them to go, come Monday there will be an opening for Battalion Chief.” She chuckled when she saw the surprise in Maya’s face. “Now, don’t think it will be easy, one thing I’m going to make sure of moving forward is that every promotion is thoroughly deserved. And if I know you as well as I think I do by now, I’m certain you will want to make sure you earned your achievements.”

“Always.”

“That’s something you and I have in common,” she admitted with a small smile. “Now, I have to go back to headquarters. Send my regards to your wife.”

“I will. Thank you, Chief.”

Maya held her breath enough to watch Ross disappear down the hallway. She looked out the door, making sure the woman had left, before doing a little dance as she allowed herself to smile with unbridled joy. 

If she had understood Ross correctly, Beckett had one foot out the door, and Maya was being encouraged to be ready for the possibility of earning the promotion she had been preparing for before everything had fallen apart. 

She tilted her head back in relief, closing her eyes as she felt the gravity of the moment really sink in. Her shot at becoming Battalion Chief was closer than ever, unexpectedly, and she was more than ready to fight for it. 

She couldn’t wait to tell Carina.

*****

Carina sat back on her haunches, slightly bouncing on the mattress as she watched her wife pace around the bedroom, recounting her conversation with Ross from earlier that day. She had shared bits and pieces once they both got home, but their attention had been focused on feeding and bathing the girls and spending time with them.

Now, in the privacy of their bedroom, having gotten ready for bed, Maya was nervously ranting about the unexpected exchange, excitedly gesturing with her hands as she spoke, something Carina had observed was happening more and more often – an obvious byproduct of being married to a very expressive Italian.

“So I’m not crazy, right? I’m not making it up in my mind? Oh my god, what if I am?”

“Hey, slow down!” 

Carina chuckled at the state of her wife, who was now running a hand through her hair as she looked on the verge of a panic attack. She crawled to the edge of the bed, reaching out to grab the end of Maya’s baggy t-shirt and pulled so she would be closer.

“You have told me the same thing three times already-”

“I’m sorry,” Maya interrupted her.

Carina grabbed her wife’s hands in hers, rubbing the prominent knuckles with her thumbs as she shook her head.

“No, no, no! I just mean that you are sure of what she said. Stop second guessing it.” She searched Maya’s face, making sure to make eye contact with her. “Sì ?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m going crazy,” Maya let out an exasperated noise as she tilted her head back, tired of feeling so frazzled.

Carina’s hands moved to her wrists, pulling her closer to the bed so only a few inches separated them.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright. You have already studied for this, but we will go over it again, and you will nail this exam. Everything will be okay.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’m married to “queen of the clipboard Maya Bishop”, of course you have this in the bag! On the bag?” She questioned with a wince, one of her eyes closing as she wasn’t sure she got the idiom right.

“You were right the first time,” Maya assured her, chuckling at the adorableness of her wife. “And you’re right, I’ve got this. I can do this.”

Carina nodded, wrapping her arms around Maya’s neck – the mood in the room shifting as her wife regained her usual confidence. She smiled as their faces got closer, and kept smiling as their lips touched for the first time, and when Maya’s arms locked around her waist.

Carina’s hands moved over strong shoulders as the kiss deepened, cupping a strong jaw next, tilting her head and pushing her tongue playfully into Maya’s mouth, teasing her before retreating, causing her wife to let out a small whimper.

“So, what is this assessment exam about?,” Carina asks in a whisper, her thumb rubbing the cleft on Maya’s chin, a favorite spot of hers.

“Oh, it’s a practical exam where we have to solve a situation we might face on the job.”

Maya answered matter of fact, always happy whenever her wife took an interest in her profession. She put one knee on the bed, following Carina’s body as she moved backwards on the mattress.

“So you could be asked to put out a fire? Or to carry someone out of a smoking building, in your very strong arms?” Carina’s voice dropped even lower, as her hands kneaded the strong biceps she loved so much.

Maya tilted her head then, opening her mouth as she finally caught onto the fact that her wife wasn’t really asking about the requisites to become Battalion Chief.

“Maybe,” she replied, a cocky smile pulling at her lips. “Want a little demonstration?”

Carina bit her lip, nodding her head before she let out a moan at the feeling of her wife lifting her body with one arm, moving both of them higher up on the bed until her head hit the pillows. Maya took off her shirt, leaving her in only a pair of black boy shorts, her long blonde tresses covering her breasts as she looked down at Carina with hunger in her eyes.

Carina arched her body, offering herself to her wife, moaning as teeth sunk in the skin between her neck and shoulder.

“Now, let me see if I can put out this fire,” Maya whispered against the skin of her neck, smiling at her own cheesy joke.

Carina didn’t find it as funny, if the groan she let out was any indication, which just amused Maya further.

“No more talking,” Carina said, almost forcefully.

Maya was more than happy to follow her wife’s requests, well into the night. After all, a good leader had to know when to follow too.

Chapter Text

Carina opened the front door and let Stella go in first, watching with a smile as the little girl leaned against the wall, grunting as she attempted to take off her shoes, eager to run around barefoot. The obstetrician closed the door, laughing at her efforts, before squatting down to start undoing the shoe laces so her daughter could stop grunting.

“Sei così impaziente, topolina.”

Stella sighed dramatically, her little arm wrapping around her mom’s neck, over her loose brown curls, as to not lose her balance. She was ready to volt the second both feet were free, but her mom kept her in place with an arm wrapped around her small waist.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?,” Carina asked, an exaggerated stern expression on her face. 

“Grazie, mamma,” Stella answered, giggling when her mom pulled her close to her body and started kissing her cheek noisily.

“Alright, you can go now.”

Carina watched her take off running down the hallway, presumably going to the office where Maya had been holed up most of her free time. As she took off her own shoes and put her jacket on the coat rack, her mind wandered off to her wife.

Ever since Ross had let her know she should be ready for the Battalion Chief exam, Maya had been laser focused on studying everything she could think of in order to be completely prepared for any type of test. As if she needed it, Carina thought to herself.

Maya was always overly prepared for every situation regarding her job. She obsessively studied every manual front to back, and kept up with the newest changes in guidelines and protocols. Her safety obsessed wife was more than ready for whatever tests the department threw her way, Carina was sure of it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of muffled voices and squeals coming from their office, and she found herself following them to the now wide open door. She leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed and observed as Maya asked Stella to turn the page for her – her hands obviously full trying to keep both girls safely secured on her lap.

“What dis?” Stella asked, pointing to a linear drawing on one of the pages.

“That’s a fire escape plan. It’s very important to know where the exits are in every room you find yourself in, and what is the fastest way out.”

Isabella gurgled, drool making its way dangerously close to the binder Maya was checking out, which made her pull the chair back to protect the documents. Clearly she had misjudged how easy it would be to have both kids on her lap – a 6 month old baby was manageable on her own, but add a three-year-old and…

Carina decided her wife had spent enough time cooped up and she needed some “Maya time” too. She walked into the room and grabbed Isabella out of her wife’s arms without warning, Maya’s face looking adorably confused as she looked up at Carina and received a kiss on the lips.

“Okay, study time is over,” Carina waved her hand, prompting Stella to come down from Maya’s lap.

“But I still have two more chapters left,” Maya weakly complained.

“No. You have studied enough.”

Maya opened her mouth again, ready to contradict her wife, but Carina raised a finger which meant there was no room for discussion. With a sigh, Maya bookmarked the page she was about to start reading and closed the binder, leaving it neatly in the center of the desk.

“Fine. You’re right. I need a break anyway.”

“Yes, you can study some more tomorrow.”

One look from her wife had Maya snap her mouth closed, pursing her lips as she grabbed the hand Carina was offering her and allowed herself to be pulled off the chair and dragged out of the office. Her pout turned into a smile when Stella grabbed her other hand, both of them following Carina, as they often did.

Carina, who was the backbone of their family, the nurturer, the healer. Maya stopped in her tracks, pulling at her wife’s hand to force her to stop and turn, confused as to what was happening.

“Hey,” Maya started, pulling her wife closer. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Carina frowned, watching every inch of her wife’s face for any indication that something was wrong. All she found was bright eyes full of adoration, and pink lips smiling softly at her. Her mouth mirrored that smile automatically and leaned close to the face she adored so much. Their noses brushed against each other before their lips met in a soft kiss.

“Always, amore. Now, what does everyone want for dinner?”

“Gnocchi!” Stella exclaimed, bouncing in place as she grabbed at her mom’s arm with both hands.

“Yeah? With mamma’s tomato sauce?” Maya asked, looking down adoringly at their daughter.

“Sì! ” the little girl confirmed.

“What do you think?” Maya looked at Carina with an amused expression, ignoring the way Stella kept anxiously bouncing on the ball of her feet, hoping her parents would agree to her idea.

“I don’t know,” Carina said, kissing Isabella’s little hand as the baby grabbed some of her long tresses in her fist. “I think there might be a jar of sauce left, but do we have patate?”

Stella looked at her in horror at the idea that there might not be any potatoes in the house, which would mean there would be no gnocchi for dinner. 

“As a matter of fact, I think we do,” Maya answered with a coy smile as the impatient little girl tried to pull at her arm to get her to go check. 

Maya relented, pretending Stella was so strong she was successfully pulling her mom down the hallway. Carina laughed softly as she followed them into the kitchen, setting Isabella down in her high chair so she could start making the highly demanded gnocchi.

*****

Carina’s gnocchi always hit the perfect spot and Stella had fallen asleep shortly after dinner. Not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth, Maya and Carina had put the girls to bed early and had decided to take some time to themselves. It had taken some convincing, as Maya wanted to go over her books one more time, but Carina had managed to get her to take the night off and they were now enjoying a bath together.

The lights had been deemed, and the warm voice of Fabrizio De André could be currently heard from the bluetooth speaker – low enough that it wouldn’t wake up the kids, while also providing some ambient music for the couple.

Maya leaned back further into Carina’s body, closing her eyes as she felt delicate fingers sliding up and down her thighs. She hummed in contentment when warm lips touched her cheek.

“Thank you for convincing me to take the night off. This is so much better than studying.”

“I would hope so,” Carina replied with a hint of offense in her voice that made the fire captain smile.

“I know it feels like I’m doing too much.”

Carina pressed her mouth against the crown of Maya’s head, inhaling the familiar essence. “I’m certain you will nail this exam.”

“And the interview,” she added. “God, just the thought of sitting in front of those old guys, and Ross, while I fend their questions, makes my stomach churn.”

“Hey, where is this coming from?”

Maya shrugged, fixing her sight in the soap suds surrounding her body. Her hands went to the long legs bent on either side of her body, kneading the firm muscles of Carina’s thighs as she gathered her thoughts.

“I don’t know. It just feels like a one shot thing all of a sudden. Like if I fail now, I might never get another chance at becoming Battalion Chief.”

Carina frowned, worried about the pessimism in her wife’s tone. She knew how important this promotion was for Maya. For months, she had seen her struggle mentally with the almost obsessive thought of needing to become Chief, just for that to be replaced with sadness and frustration at seeing the job go to someone else, someone who just got the job handed to him.

“Maya, are you doing this because you want to, or because you think we need you to?”

Frown lines appeared on the fire captain’s forehead as she took in her wife’s words. She had been chasing this position for so long, convincing herself she needed to do this for her family, that perhaps she was experiencing the same thing she had accused Ross of. Had she lost sight of what she loved about the job? Was she just going through the motions? Why was she allocating all her worth as a wife and a mother on getting the position? If she focused hard enough, she could almost hear her father’s voice in the back of her mind.

She turned around then, suddenly uncomfortable with the topic, and cradled her wife’s face with one of her hands. She barely looked into Carina’s eyes, wanting to avoid the silent question of her brown irises, and leaned forward instead. She kissed her wife slowly, tenderly, needing to feel the comfort of the familiar caress of those lips, and she let herself sink into the feeling of Carina’s arms wrapping around her back, pressing their wet bodies impossibly closer together. 

Yeah, Maya would allow herself this moment of intimacy with her wife, and she would tackle her doubts later.

*****

Carina was sitting on her side of the bed, finishing applying moisturizer to her legs, when Maya, who had gone to check on the girls one last time before going to bed, entered their bedroom. She smiled at her wife, who automatically returned the gesture. However, Maya’s face turned serious almost immediately, making Carina frown.

“I want to be Battalion Chief. I want the job. And I want it because I love being a firefighter, I love SFD, and I want to help change things,” she said with conviction from her position with her back against the bedroom door. “I want to help make the changes needed to inspire female firefighters to pursue positions of power, to help improve our protocols and safety measures. I want that job. I deserve that job.”

“Okay,” Carina nods along, still a little taken back by Maya’s rather sudden rant. 

“And yes, I also want the position because it will mean a much safer job –and a pay raise– and I want that for us, for our family. The girls deserve me doing everything I can to stay safe. And I will be damn good at the job,” she added with a cocky smirk.

Her wife’s usual confidence made Carina smile. She got up, closing the small distance that separated them, and grabbed her wife by the shoulders. “You will go for it, and you will get it. And we will support you every step of the way.”

“I love you,” Maya said almost in a whisper, like a vow. 

“I love you,” Carina replied, fiercely, capturing her lips firmly.

Maya’s arms wrapped around her wife’s waist, making her yelp in surprise as she was lifted off the ground. Carina grabbed onto Maya with arms and legs, afraid she would be dropped as the fire captain moved them towards the bed. Her back hit the mattress with a bounce, making her laugh as Maya’s body covered hers soon after – deft fingers undoing the knot of her bathrobe.

“I love the way your lotion smells on you,” Maya said, pressing her nose to Carina’s neck before tracing a path with her lips.

Carina arched her neck, moaning at the feeling of her wife’s ravenous mouth on her skin and of the strong hand grabbing her hip and drawing the lower part of their bodies closer together. Maya’s lips had reached the top of her breasts when a familiar wail coming from somewhere in the room stopped her in her tracks.

Carina whimpered. As much as she loved her babies, they could have the worst timing sometimes. Maya’s chin dropped on her breastbone, and she found her wife looking up at her with a pout. 

“What are the chances that she will self-soothe?” The fire captain asked with a cheeky smile.

“Just go, quickly.”

Maya laughed at Carina’s flailing hands pointing her in the direction of the door, indicating she wanted her gone as fast as possible so she would return just as quickly. She moved forward, capturing her wife’s lips in what was meant to be an innocent kiss but soon threatened to escalate as their bodies started rocking together slowly.

Thankfully Carina decided to be the responsible parent out of the two of them, and moved her head back. It took everything in Maya not to capture her kiss-swollen lips again.

“Maya, if she wakes up Stella, you’re sleeping on the couch.”

That was all the encouragement the fire captain needed to lift herself off her wife completely and rush to the door, leaving behind a chuckling Carina who felt around the bedside table for the baby monitor, bringing it close to her chest so she could watch the love of her life having a moment with their youngest.

She sighed, thinking back to all the crazy events life had thrown at them in the past few months, happy that they were able to get through each and every one of them –sometimes more gracefully than others– and they were back on the right path. 

Truthfully, Carina couldn’t wait to get back to making plans for the future. For now, however, she was content watching Maya rocking Isabella in her arms as she sang softly to her.

“Sei così impaziente, topolina.” = you're very impatient, little mouse

Chapter Text

Travis Montgomery popped a blueberry in his mouth as he kept his eyes on his captain, who was currently furiously scrubbing the already very clean, very shiny door of the ladder truck. Victoria Hughes appeared from behind him, stealing a blueberry from the plastic container he was loosely holding in his other hand, as she followed his line of sight.

“Oh, that’s not good,” she said with a wince. “What’s going on? I haven’t seen her like this since-”

“The breakup with Carina? Yes,” interrupted Travis as he munched on another blueberry, his eyes never leaving Maya. “Wait, you don’t think..”

“No! No way! She must be stressed about the secret meeting at headquarters.”

Montgomery’s head turned abruptly, startling Victoria and making her frown, worried about his neck. 

“What secret meeting? Why don’t I know this? Where was I?”

Andy’s voice joined theirs, startling both of them to the point of almost dropping the box of blueberries.

“Why are you spying on Maya?”

“We are not spying on-” Travis tried to deny, only to confirm Andy’s statement right away. “We are totally spying on Maya. But look at her! She’s gone ‘crazy Bishop’ and it’s scary.”

“At least she’s not making us do drills,” Victoria added.

“Give her a break, she’s obviously worried about what might happen with Beckett. In fact, we should all be. This meeting could change this station’s fate.”

They both turned to look at Andy’s retreating figure before looking at each other, a worried expression on their face now. 

“Also, I can hear you,” Maya’s voice broke their reverie, startling them further. “Don’t you have chores to do? I can give you some more if you have so much spare time.”

They were about to protest when they heard the squeak of shoes as someone approached the barn. Battalion Chief Beckett, dressed in his usual uniform after being suspended for two weeks, looked at them for a split second before tightening his jaw and walking straight to the stairs that lead to his office on the second floor.

Maya, Travis and Vic followed his shape as he slammed the door closed and pulled down the blinds to every window, hiding his activity from curious eyes. 

“What is he doing here?” Montgomery wondered out loud.

“I don’t know, but whatever happened in that meeting, it doesn’t look like it went well for him,” Hughes pointed out.

Maya’s heart started hammering inside her chest as her mind raced with the many possibilities for Beckett’s displeasure. She tried to slow down her breathing at the same time as she stopped wringing the cleaning rag she had been twisting with unnecessary force.

Maya wouldn’t allow herself to get her hopes up, but surely an angry Beckett should be a good sign for them –for her–, right?

The door to Beckett’s office opened abruptly, making the glass on the windows rattle from the force of the action. Montgomery and Hughes scurried away, trying to look busy and not like they had been watching the entire thing like hawks, waiting for something to happen. 

Maya didn’t feel the need to hide. Her eyes were on him the entire time –her hands had started wringing the rag again– because something told her she shouldn’t miss a second of this moment, so her eyes followed Beckett’s forlorn figure all the way until the very last step, where he seemed to stop for a second before taking a deep breath.

He turned her way and scoffed, and that was the first time Maya’s brain registered the fact that he was carrying a mostly empty cardboard box in his arms, with what looked like a bowling trophy sticking out of one side. A small frown adorned her forehead as she thought for a second about the fact that he hadn’t been Battalion Chief long enough before getting suspended, so she supposed he hadn’t had enough time to make his office really his own.

She was so focused on this random fact that she almost missed him addressing her.

“Congratulations, Bishop. You get to keep your precious rainbow party of a station as is. I look forward to seeing all the ways in which y’all will ruin the department.”

That’s it? He gets to become Battalion Chief, a position that was handed to him by no merits of his own, and these are his parting words? No wishes of good luck, or to stay safe. Was she really surprised?

Maya huffed, shaking her head as she tried to wrap her mind about the absurdity of the situation. She had pictured this moment a dozen times, and she had expected to feel relief or even joy at the possibility of Beckett being relieved of his duties as Battalion Chief, but now that the moment was there, all she felt was a pang of sadness for the man.

From what little she knew about him, he was divorced, no children, and some of his family members were quite acquainted with the back of a patrol car. All he had was this job –the best job in the world, if you asked her– and he had blown it.

“Take care, Beckett.”

She slapped one of her hands with the cleaning rag and stepped away, no longer interested in dwelling on Beckett’s demise.

It wasn’t until an hour later that the email arrived. Maya was at her desk filing a request with the Logistics Department for new uniform shirts when she saw the notification on the right bottom corner of her taskbar

She gnawed at her lower lip as she took a moment to gather herself before opening the e-mail and reading its content: Natasha Ross regretted to inform that Battalion Chief Sean Beckett had decided to go into early retirement, effective immediately – there were many more words, but that was the gist of it.

Her eyes scanned the body of text repeatedly, line by line, word by word, making sure her mind wasn’t making up the content of the e-mail that could potentially change her life forever – at the very least 19’s future. She was about to read it again when someone entered her office.

Before she could yell at her, Andy had already closed the door behind her and scurried all the way to one of the chairs in front of her desk, sitting on the edge with an alarmed look on her face.

“Did you read it?” Maya nodded, knowing immediately what her lieutenant was referring to. “What do we think? Is he really retiring?”

“Judging by his face when I saw him pack his things and go, I don’t think it was voluntary.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t know, how do we feel about this? How do you feel?,” Andy asked, almost frantically.

For the first time since she had received the email, Maya allowed herself to take a deep breath. She let go of the computer mouse and leaned back on her chair, lacing her hands over her abdomen.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Weird, but happy? If that makes sense. Beckett was clearly not a good boss, but I’m still surprised.”

“Are you, though?” Andy smirked at the small frown that appeared on her best friend’s forehead. It was almost comical, how adorable Maya looked. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you walking around the station with protocol binders. You knew this was coming.”

Maya laughed then, shaking her head no as Andy tried to push her to admit she did.

“Stop! I swear I didn't know! Not for sure, anyway,” she sat up straighter, leaning her arms on her desk. “Ross might have hinted at the possibility of a chance to apply to the Battalion Chief position, but I honestly didn't think it would happen so soon. Or like this,” she hurried to add.

Andy blinked repeatedly, taking in what her friend had told her, trying to picture what this all could mean for them.

“Well, are you applying?”

“I am. Which means, you should be studying too. Unless you don't wanna be Captain of-”

“I do! Wanna be captain,” she added more calmly now after the initial outburst. “I just can't believe this is happening so soon.”

“Remember the academy?” Maya asked with a soft smile adorning her face. “We used to stay up at night and pictured us running the department.”

“Well, that was always you. I was always happy with the idea of just being Captain at ‘19.”

Maya shook her head, looking at her friend with a smirk. “No, you weren't. You are every bit as ambitious as me, you just don't let it take over your entire life like I do. Used to,” she rectified, thinking about how her priorities had shifted since meeting Carina.

Andy tilted her head to the side, watching Maya as she rocked her chair from side to side with a content look on her face. A look Andy liked to call the “thinking of Carina face”, and she knew that was her cue to go. She slapped her thighs before rising from her seat, not even bothering to wave at her friend as she left the office calmly, a stark difference from the way she had walked inside mere moments ago.

*****

Carina found out about Beckett while at work. She had been in a meeting with Teddy Altman and Brie Eley, the hospital’s administrator, about what more resources they could provide 19’s clinic under the allocated budget. Carina had been arguing she absolutely required a portable ultrasound, while Eley had been determined to deny her request.

However, between Teddy and herself, they had convinced her to let them borrow one of the machines from the hospital’s free clinic – they weren't the latest models, and patients with complicated pathologies would end up being treated at the hospital anyway, they could part ways with one of the machines. 

Eley had already left, leaving Teddy and Carina to discuss the meeting while they packed up their stuff, when the gynecologist’s phone had pinged with a message from Maya. 

Teddy watched as Carina stopped in her tracks as she read something on her phone, only moving when a delicate hand brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, eyes still glued to the device.

“Is everything okay?,” Teddy asked out of concern.

“Yeah, just something happened at the station, Maya was just telling me about it.”

“Oh my god!”

Carina lifted her head then, feeling bad for worrying her friend unnecessarily. “No, no! Everything is fine! It’s just… Maya’s superior is quitting the job, so that’s a big development.”

“Take the office, I was going to get some coffee anyway,” Teddy offered, slotting a thick blue binder in the empty space on the shelf behind her desk.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’ll call her later.”

“Are you sure?”

Carina smiled at her friend, nodding her thanks as she put the phone in the pocket of her lab coat, before grabbing the rest of her stuff and leaving the Chief’s office. As she waited for the elevator, she wondered how her wife was dealing with the news. Obviously they knew getting rid of Becket was a possibility –Ross had implied as much– but it felt as if everything was suddenly happening way too fast. 

Back on the maternity floor, she sent a quick text to Maya asking if she was free to talk, and as she was about to reach her office, her phone started ringing – the contact picture of her wife smiling with unbridled joy as she changed Isabella in the nursery always made her smile without fault.

“Hey,” she answered, unsure of what version of the fire captain she would get on the other end of the line. 

“So, that happened.”

Maya sounded calm, almost sullen, but Carina could hear a very familiar faint mechanical buzz in the background. “Are you on the treadmill?” 

“Yes?”

“Bambina…”

“I’m just walking! I couldn’t sit still and there are only so many ways I can rearrange the desk in my office.”

Carina closed her eyes, relieved by the outlet her wife had chosen to work out her anxiety. She was almost embarrassed to have feared what Maya’s reaction could be, conjuring images of her wife jumping inside a giant building on fire, or working out an insane amount. She sat on her leather chair in her office, sighing.

“So, Beckett just retired? No explanation as to why?”

“Not really. He stopped by to pack up his things and he then left.” There was a pause and Carina could hear her wife taking a sip of water. “It’s weird, right? I think it’s weird.”

Carina hummed. Ever since she had read Maya’s text with the news, she had tried to come up with an explanation for Beckett’s unexpected choice to retire. She knew something her wife didn’t, the conversation she had had with Ross about the many reasons why Beckett wasn’t fit to be Battalion Chief, about her suspicions regarding the physical exams conducted by the department, but could she link that conversation to the current events? Could she trust that her suspicions might have been right and Ross had acted accordingly? Should she bring it up?

Carina’s thoughts had drifted to the point where she had missed Maya ranting about something Andy and her had discussed earlier that day, having only caught the last words of her statement.

“Anyway, that’s a whole different conversation,” Maya said, tabling for now whatever topic Carina had missed. “So I’ve been thinking, and we should start looking into you opening your own practice regardless of what happens with SFD.”

“Wait, what? But-”

“Listen, whether I get the promotion or not, there’s no reason for us to wait any longer. Besides, it’s not like you’ll be opening it tomorrow. We have to look into financing, real estate properties, licensing…”

“Okay, okay!” Carina interrupted her, worried Maya would go on another rant to try and distract herself from the ‘Beckett thing’. “I really love how supportive you are about this, I do, but that’s so far away. Let’s just tackle one thing at a time.”

“Yes, of course. I just think we should start planning soon. If there’s something I have learned in the past six months, it’s that plans don’t always work. Life is messy, and chaotic, and things fall apart. But I don’t want to ever stop making plans with you.”

Carina’s chin started wobbling as she tightened her lips in a poor attempt at holding back the tears that were already threatening to spill. She leaned her head against the back of the chair, looking at the ceiling, overwhelmed by the myriad of emotions that were making her feel like her heart was going to burst out of her chest. 

Maya had the ability to make her feel every emotion all at once, sometimes.

“Carina?”

“Yes, sorry,” she laughed then, she was being silly. “You just say the most romantic things sometimes, and I just really want to kiss you right now, and I can’t.”

“I know the feeling. I love you.”

“I love you too. So much. And I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me too. I’m going to take a shower. I’ll talk to you later?”

“You bet your cute little face you will.”

Carina laughed at Maya’s timidly whispered “bye” before hanging up, and the Italian doctor just knew she had made her wife blush.

She put the phone down on her desk, rocking her chair as she allowed a minute to daydream about the future. About Maya with red pins on the collar of her shirt, about her daughters growing healthy and happy, and about a clinic with her name on the door. 

Chapter Text

Maya had only ever been in this room once before – before Natasha Ross. It wasn’t often that the Chief of SFD would require the presence of four captains at headquarters; she couldn’t remember it ever happening, actually. But here she was, sitting down at the big oak table in the middle of the conference room, alongside three other captains: Willis, from 45; Doyle, from 21; and Flannery, from 88.

She had been the second one to arrive, after Captain Willis, and he had teased her about not living up to her legendary punctuality. She had reminded him that his station was five minutes closer to headquarters. They had a good rapport –he had never treated her with condescension for being a woman– so she was glad to be sitting next to him while the other captains took their seats.

Ross entered the room at 9:59 am, a minute before the meeting was scheduled to begin. They all got up from their seats as she walked to the end of the room, leaving her briefcase at the head of the table, where she would presumably be taking a seat.

“Good morning, everyone. Thank you all for coming,” Ross looked around the room and made eye contact with all of them, offering them a tight smile before undoing her uniform jacket and perching it at the back of her chair. “I’ve gathered you all together so we could address the recent changes in the department.”

“Do you mean the ‘Beckett thing’, ma’am?” Flannery sounded almost disinterested, like he didn’t think he should be there at all.

Ross looked at him for a second, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible, before addressing the room at large once again as she opened her briefcase.

“As you are all aware by now, Battalion Chief Beckett has retired. What you don’t know is the why, and that’s why we are here today.” She grabbed a handful of manila folders and handed them over to Doyle so he could hand them out to the rest. “Kelly Smith, one of the cadets at the fire academy, was rushed to Grey Sloan Memorial a couple of months ago. During the course of her treatment, the doctors uncovered a severe health condition that would have made it impossible for Smith to make the cut to join the academy. After a thorough investigation carried out by both the department and an independent party, we uncovered a series of irregularities in the health screening process to become a Seattle firefighter.”

Willis nudged Maya with his elbow, no doubt seeing Carina’s name listed as one of the physicians who treated Kelly Smith. Maya smiled back at him, proud of her wife getting acknowledged for her role in the investigation. 

“I’ll give you a minute to read the file I presented you with,” Chief Ross added, leaning her hands on the back of the wooden chair as she observed the four fire captains scanning the documents in front of them. 

She looked at Bishop first and wasn’t disappointed to see the small frown on her forehead as she got to the bottom of the second page, where the second part of the results of the investigation was listed. 

Sensing movement to her right, Ross looked at Flannery who seemed to grow more agitated by the minute – he was shifting in his seat, looking uncomfortable as he cleared his throat a couple of times before taking a sip of water.

“Are these results conclusive?,” Donely spoke for the first time.

“They are,” Ross confirmed. “The same physician that was taking bribes from young aspiring cadets was also taking bribes from senior members of SFD to pass their physical exams.”

“Chief Beckett?,” Maya asked, already knowing the answer but wanting to be sure.

“He was one of them. He confessed during his suspension period and helped us with the case, so the department decided to be lenient with him and grant him early retirement with a full pension. As for the rest… the district attorney is currently going over the evidence we provided him with. The doctor’s records will be subpoenaed soon and everyone involved will be dealt with, both by the department and the judicial system.”

“What does that mean moving forward? This will affect the entire department,” Willis pointed out.

“It will. Those firefighters in active duty roles will be given the chance to retake the physical exams to keep their jobs, facing demotion if they pass. As for the higher ranked officers, let's just say there will be new promotion opportunities for quite a few people in your units. The first opening available will be that of Chief of your battalion. So I suggest you start brushing up on your protocols if you want to throw your hat in the ring.”

Maya looked up when she heard that, finding the Chief smirking in her direction. It dawned on her that Ross had given her an advantage over the rest of captains when she had warned Maya ahead of time about the opportunity to take the exam for Battalion Chief. 

She looked down at the file between her hands again as her mind went over every incident that had happened since Ross had joined the department. Putting the pieces together, the final picture made the Chief look quite different than Maya had originally thought. 

The woman had joined the department and within a few months she had had to spearhead an internal investigation while dealing with the Mayor’s increasing demands to cut the department’s budget. 

In all fairness, Ross hadn’t been easy to read, so Maya couldn’t be blamed for getting her mostly wrong. And it wasn’t until this meeting that she was able to see Ross had been nudging her in the right direction, as surreptitiously as she possibly could.

“So what about you, Bishop? Will you become my new boss?”

The question from Willis brought Maya out of her reverie, realizing the meeting had been called to an end and she hadn’t even realized. She got up from her chair, wincing as the wooden legs noisily scratched against the tiled floor, and started gathering her things.

“Won’t you be trying for the position?” She asked, frowning at his phrasing.

“You bet I will, but I probably stand no chance against you, kid.”

Willis smacked her lightly in the arm with his folder before he walked towards the door, followed by Donely. Maya and Flannery were right behind them when Chief Ross spoke once again.

“Captain Flannery, would you mind staying behind? There’s something we need to discuss.”

They all looked at each other before looking at Flannery, who had tightened his fists to the point where his knuckles were turning white. Willis nudged Maya towards the door, getting them all moving again.

“What do you think that was about?,” Donely asked once they were outside of the conference room, the closed door separating them from whatever was going on inside.

“Whatever it was, it didn’t look good,” Willis added.

No, it didn’t look good for Flannery, Maya supposed. 

*****

Once Maya arrived at the station, she called for a line up. She took the opportunity to debrief the crew on what she had learned at the meeting between the captains of their battalion and the Chief. Surprised by the revelations, her firefighters had numerous questions that they started rapid firing at her.

“Okay, guys! I told you everything I know. If there’s anything more to it, the Chief didn’t say.” Maya smiled at the multiple groans of disappointment. “There’s still an ongoing investigation, and surely those details are above our paygrade. So let’s just get back to work, and do what we do best.”

Everyone went back to what they were doing once they had been dismissed, and Maya made eye contact with Andy, tilting her head in the direction of her office to indicate she wanted her lieutenant to follow her.

“Close the door,” the fire captain ordered as she took a seat in her chair.

“So what are you really not telling us?”

“Well, it’s not really a secret, and I’m sure SFD will use the proper channels to inform the rest of the department, but the active firefighters involved in the physician’s scheme will be given a chance to retake their physicals. So not everyone is going to get fired.” Maya paused to allow Andy the chance to absorb the information before she followed. “But that shouldn’t matter to us, because we are not planning on leaving ‘19’.”

“I’m certainly not, but you…” Andy scoffed, as if she was suddenly disapproving of the possibility of Maya moving up in the ladder.

“What I mean is, if I get promoted to Battalion Chief, I can’t directly name you Captain of ‘19’. Not after what the investigation unveiled. Everything has to be done by the book. That means you need to start studying for your Captain’s exam, and you need to crush it. This is it, Andy.”

Realization dawned on Herrera as her captain’s words sank in. She knew Maya was right. The Chief was not going to allow any more favoritism within the department, every promotion will need to be earned, every choice transparent. 

Andy nodded a few times before she looked straight back at Maya, her game face on.

“I’m going to take the captaincy exam, and I’m going to nail it. And you are going to become Battalion Chief. We are going to run this department, like we said we would.”

“Well, technically just a battalion for now…,” Maya added, bringing some levity back to their day, making Andy chuckle. “But we can’t mess this up. You can’t mess this up.”

“Oh, me? I think you have it harder than me, my friend,” she retorted, leaning back against her chair. 

“Yeah, but if I don’t get the job, I’ll still be Captain.”

“But you can’t fail, Maya. You can’t! Because if you fail but I pass the exam, I will be assigned to some random station as their new Captain!” Andy explained in a panic. “Oh god, what if I get transferred to ‘88’? Maya, they are known for their body odor. You can’t do this to me.”

Maya shook her head as she laughed, enjoying being able to sit back and laugh with her best friend about their jobs – without jealousy or animosity. It was good, having her back despite their tumultuous past, when Maya thought she had lost Andy for good. 

She took a deep breath, fighting the tears threatening to spill whenever she thought about the darkest moment in her life, one that could’ve cost her Carina and Stella. Maya had been so close to losing everything she didn’t know she could have. But she knew now, and the idea of living a life without her wife and her beautiful daughters caused an immediate physical reaction where her throat was closing up and her chest felt tight.

“Hey.”

She wasn’t sure whether it was Andy’s soft voice or the hand covering hers that brought her back to the present, but Maya could feel the air filling her lungs again and her heart rate returning to normal. She patted Andy’s hand in a thankful gesture, and took a deep breath.

“We’ve got this,” Andy said.

“We’ve got this.”

*****

Maya was always happy to get home, something that still felt foreign to her. It was such a stark difference from when she was a kid. 

She had dreaded going home to her mother’s fake smile and Mason’s depression –she only learned to put a name to it after months of therapy–, all three of them keeping the house clean and orderly, a tension in the air as they all waited for Lane to get home, afraid he would be in one of his moods.

Now she rushed home every day, eager to see her daughters, to hear Stella’s stories and to find out what new thing Isabella had learned to do with her tiny body, and to hear how her wife’s day at work had been, to know how many lives her miraculous wife had changed that day.

As soon as she opened the front door, she could hear a familiar tune coming from the television; L’Albero Azzurro, an Italian educational show, was Stella’s favorite at the moment. Carina had been elated when she learned that the iconic show from her childhood had gotten a remake, and she had promptly watched a couple of episodes with Stella, who had gotten hooked.

Truth be told, Maya liked watching the show with her daughter – it provided them some quality time together, and it was helping her learn Italian as well. 

“Are you watching L’Albero Azzurro without me?,” she asked as she walked towards the couch, gasping in fake indignation.

“Dodò sta mangiando i biscotti!,” Stella announced excitedly, pointing at the television.

Maya looked towards the screen and, sure enough, the white puppet bird was being fed a cookie with… Chinese sticks? The firefighter frowned, giving up on figuring out what was going on in this episode so she could kiss Stella’s head instead.

“Where is mamma?”

Stella shrugged without taking her eyes off the television screen, one of her little hands fidgeting with the end of her purple leggings. 

Maya just smiled and went upstairs to change, hoping to find her wife somewhere on the upper floor of the house. Sure enough, as she walked up the stairs, she could hear faint singing that prompted her feet to follow the path to Isabella’s nursery, where she found Carina cradling a very sleepy little girl in her arms, caressing her back as she rocked back and forth.

The fire captain leaned her shoulder against the wall, watching the beautiful scene taking place in front of her – she would never tire of seeing it. Sensing her presence, Carina turned around, smiling wide as their eyes met across the room. She extended her arm, silently asking for her wife to join her, and that’s what Maya did.

As soon as their hands touched, Maya leaned against Carina’s body, swaying with her as they watched Isabella’s eyes fluttering close. They continued to rock the baby to make sure she was asleep, before Carina put her down in the crib, covering her with a thin blanket and moving her firefighter bear closer to her.

Carina softly kissed Isabella’s forehead, pressing her nose to the side of her sweet little face before whispering “Sogni belli, cucciola.” Maya was next, kissing her little hand before caressing her cheek, smiling when Isabella smacked her lips. They exited the room slowly, leaving the door ajar behind them.

Carina turned around to welcome her wife properly but she was soon pushed against the wall, Maya’s body pressed completely against hers, from chest to hips. A firm grip on her waist kept her in place as Maya’s lips pressed against her with a passion that surprised her. Soon enough, one of her hands was tangled in blonde tresses -her other hand was holding the baby monitor- as the kiss deepened and turned into a spontaneous make out session.

They could hear the faint voices coming from the television downstairs, and Stellina’s sweet voice singing along, which seemed to bring Carina back to reality. She slowed down the kiss until their lips were lazily sliding against each other – they couldn’t help but smile.

“Hi,” Maya whispered.

“Hi.” Carina took a moment to look at her wife, the disheveled blonde hair and the pink flush of her cheeks never failed to make her heart skip a beat. “You seem happy.”

“I am happy,” Maya confirmed before her lips started tracing a slow bath up her wife’s neck. 

“Stella is alone downstairs,” Carina managed to whisper.

Maya leaned back, sighing as their parental responsibilities put an end to their activities. She moved back, her body already missing the warmth of Carina’s pressed against her, and looked at her wife.

“You’re right, you’re right. I’ll go change, I’ll be downstairs in a minute.”

“Okay. And then you can tell me all about why you’re so happy.”

Carina kissed Maya one more time, trying to keep a cold head so they wouldn’t get carried away again, something increasingly difficult because of the cocky smirk adorning Maya’s face. 

“Madonna,” she whispered to herself as she walked downstairs, trying to straighten her clothes before checking on her daughter, while Maya went into their bedroom to get changed.

L’Albero Azzurro = The Blue Tree (a real Italian children's tv show)

Dodò sta mangiando i biscotti! = Dodò is eating cookies!

Sogni belli, cucciola = sweet dreams, puppy

Chapter Text

“So much for talking,” Carina said between gasps, smiling when she heard Maya chuckle behind her before swollen lips kissed the back of her shoulder. They had tabled their conversation until after dinner, but they had ended up tangled in their sheets, naked, definitely not talking. 

Carina was currently sprawled on her stomach, a satisfied smile on her face as she felt Maya’s mouth kissing across her back, only stopping to move her long hair off her neck and to blow air to help her cool down. It was blissful.

“I didn’t hear you complain,” Maya’s low voice in her ear caused goosebumps to erupt on the back of her neck. Or perhaps it was the feeling of naked breasts pressed against her back.

Carina wet her lips as she moved closer to the edge of the bed, looking for their discarded clothes to grant them some modesty – if she wanted to have a conversation with her wife, she needed to give her as few distractions as possible. She grabbed Maya’s tank top and threw it at her, cackling when it smacked her in the face.

“Don’t look at me like that, we are never going to have a conversation if we don’t get dressed, bambina.”

Maya rolled her eyes but put on her tank top reluctantly. She found her shorts hanging from a corner of the bedside table. She sighed when she saw Carina was already dressed, cracking the window open to get some fresh air into the room before she circled the bed and sat down on her side, waiting patiently for her to finish getting dressed.

“Okay,” Carina started, sitting with her back against the bed’s header. “What happened to put you in such a good mood?”

“What? Can’t I simply be happy?” Carina’s pointed look as she crawled to sit by her was enough of an answer. “I officially submitted my request to be considered for the position of Battalion Chief. Now I just need to hear back from the department with a date for my exam.”

“Bambina! That’s exciting! You’re almost there.”

Carina’s excitement was contagious and Maya found her own smile mirroring the wide grin on her face.

“I also convinced Andy to send in her request for the captaincy exam,” that fact surprised her wife way more, if the way her eyebrows shot up on her forehead was an indication. “After the meeting with Ross it was clear to me that the department wouldn’t be handing out promotions without merit, so we have to make sure she will be the next Captain at ‘19’ if I get promoted.”

Carina hummed in agreement. “Makes sense.”

“So, yeah. Now we wait.”

“Now we wait,” Carina repeated, a soft smile on her face as she regarded her wife. “I’m so proud of you, bambina.”

Maya scoffed, playing with a loose thread on their sheets. “I haven’t gotten the promotion yet.”

“Hey, you’ve been working really hard to make it happen, and you have put up with a lot. I would have stormed the Chief’s office demanding an explanation months ago!”

Maya laughed at that, picturing Ross’s face as an angry Italian barged into her office rapid firing expletives and waving her hands around. Her wife would do that. The same wife that was now grabbing her face between warm hands, and looking at her with an expression that Maya could only describe as fierce.

“You are remarkable, and even if you don’t get this promotion – which you will! – there are so many reasons to be proud of yourself.”

Maya wasn’t sure she believed her wife, but she wanted to. For now, her unwavering belief was enough for the both of them, enough to push her through the rest of the way.

*****

Today was the day.

Maya Bishop entered the examination center with a straight posture, her uniform was impeccably pressed, even the bars on her collar were shining more than usual. She was confident she would ace any test the department would have devised for the candidates taking the exam alongside her.

When she turned the corner, she spotted Captain Willis pacing in the hallway, hands behind his back. There were two other men she didn’t know sitting on the bench against the wall. 

“Gentlemen,” she greeted them with neutrality, not an ounce of emotion in her voice.

“Bishop, I was wondering when you’d show up,” Willis almost sounded happy to see her. So he didn’t know these men either? Interesting.

They only had to wait another minute before the examiner, a middle aged Captain with a gut, walked through the door and asked them to follow him. 

The first test had been an average fire scene set up in the training ground behind the main building, where the department had built different structures to use during training exercises. Each of them took turns commanding a shift of probies fresh out of the academy in a pretty run-of-the-mill search and rescue operation. 

Maya was confident she would nail the practical part of the exam if all the exercises were like this.

The second test had been a scenario in which they had to talk a civilian down from setting himself on fire. Seeing the way the other candidates had barely kept themselves from snapping at the pretend-victim, Maya was sure she had also nailed this part, and made a mental note to thank Diane – months of therapy had certainly helped her approach the man with empathy, convincing him to drop the lighter and the bottle of gasoline faster than the other candidates.

They were allowed a lunch break, but Maya had been far too nervous to eat anything other than a protein bar Carina had sneaked into her lunch box that morning -she  definitely hadn’t put it there- and she had used the rest of the break to message her wife, who had promised lasagna would be waiting for her at home.

Once lunch break was over, it was time for the interviews. 

Maya was the third one to enter. Statistically speaking, people who go first and last have the better chances of making an impression, so she tried not to worry about her odds. She had been preparing for weeks, she knew her stuff, and she was used to dealing with the older members of the department. She had this.

Did she?

Everything had been going smoothly. She had been concise, straight to the point and resolutive. She was satisfied with every answer she gave to the members of the examination board until Chief Mendes, one of the most conservative members of SFD, had asked her what she thought was a priority issue to address moving forward.

She started by explaining her ideas to change the fire academy’s syllabus and the need for more specialized training, how she had ideas for protocol changes after years of facing very diverse situations, and she finished by mentioning the necessity to make it easier for female firefighters to climb ranks in the department.

Chief Ross had looked surprised but overall her face hadn't given much away, Chief O’Connor had scoffed, but Chief Mendes looked positively displeased.

“So you believe the promotion system in SFD is what? Obsolete? Sexist?”

“Yes,” Maya said firmly, standing by her words. She wasn’t going to back down now.

“If the system was sexist, would you be here in front of a female Chief, trying to become Battalion Chief?

“Seattle Fire Department was established in 1889, Chief Ross is the first female Chief this department has seen, I was the first female Captain at ‘19,’ and currently female firefighters account for less than 10% of the entire personnel. So yes, sir, the system wasn’t built with female firefighters in mind, and it’s about time that changes. It’s twice as hard for us to gain access to the fire academy, we don’t get encouraged to go after positions of power like the men are, and we are held to an impossible double standard.”

Maya tightened her jaw but that was the only hint of nervousness she was willing to show them. She was faking a level of confidence she currently wasn’t feeling, not with Mendes looking seconds away from yelling. She could see his tells, they were similar to the ones Lane would exhibit before he went off on her after a subpar track meeting – her brain decided to recall a very specific incident in a school parking lot in Shoreline, where she had met her best mark but she hadn’t improved it.

Her throat felt dry all of a sudden, and she found certain difficulty when trying to shallow, but she never took her eyes away from the examiners. She chanced looking at Ross for a fleeting second, and she found the Chief looking back at her. Then Natasha Ross nodded at her before talking.

“I think we have everything we need. Thank you, Captain Bishop. You’ll hear from us soon.”

Maya silently nodded and tried to keep herself from rushing to the door, taking measured steps to look as unaffected as possible. As soon as she had closed the door, however, she walked swiftly in the direction of the restroom. She unbuttoned the first two buttons of her uniform shirt as she pushed the door open before checking every stall. Seeing she was alone, she let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

She gripped the edge of one of the porcelain sinks and lowered her head. She closed her eyes tightly, feeling the tears prickling at the back of her eyes. She couldn’t hold back a choked up expletive before she started crying, convinced she had messed up her interview.

Maya didn’t know how long she had stood there, with her chin against her chest, crying as silently as possible. She had told Carina she would pick up the girls and go home as soon as she was done with the exam, but she didn’t feel like she could face them now. Not after failing so spectacularly. 

Carina had believed in her, and she had let her down. She had let herself down. And Andy… God, Andy would get transferred to another station and she would probably lose her best friend again for “taking” ‘19’ away from her a second time.

The tears came back with renewed vigor – she was fully sobbing now. She turned on the faucet and tried to wash the tears away, but they wouldn’t stop coming. Why did they keep coming? Why wouldn’t they stop?

Her phone pinged in the pocket of her pants, she felt the vibration against her leg. She reached for it automatically, without thinking, and almost choked up when she saw it was a message from her wife:

“Heading into my salpingectomy. I’m proud of you, bambina. Ti amo.”

She had learned enough about obstetrics by now to know Carina was heading into a complicated procedure to remove one or both fallopian tubes. She chuckled at the fact that she knew that. 

Rubbing the heel of her hand against her eyes, Maya re-read the message, soaking up the eagerness and the love those simple words were infused with.

Now she had a choice to make: she could either stay in this bathroom all afternoon feeling sorry for herself, or she could go pick up her two beautiful, perfect daughters.

She straightened up and took a deep shaky breath. There was never really a choice.

*****

Carina drove up their street singing along to “Non voglio mica la luna”, moving her head as she belted the lyrics to the upbeat 80’s hit. There was a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in her purse, and she couldn’t wait to chill it so they could celebrate Maya’s exam – she was certain her wife had nailed it. 

As she eased her new car into their driveway, an Audi Q4 she had finally gotten last weekend despite Maya’s protests, she wondered if she could get Andrea to babysit one night – she wanted to go out on a date with her wife, maybe they could spend another night at the Pan Pacific and have a repeat of their first time after Isabella’s birth.

She exited the car and shouldered her brown leather purse, dangling the keys in her hand as she practically skipped her way inside the house from the garage door, eager to see Maya and shower her with affection. 

As she walked straight to the kitchen, dropping her purse on the kitchen table, she heard the unmistakable sound of Stella’s laughter outback. She couldn’t help the smile that took over her face at the sight that greeted her: Maya was on her knees holding out her hands at either side of Stella’s body as their daughter attempted to do a handstand. Isabella was sitting on a blanket, nibbling on her teething ring as she watched everything enraptured. 

Carina hurried to put the champagne in the fridge so she could join her family outside, thankful she had chosen to wear jeans that morning over her usual slacks – she favored more casual outfits on days like today, when she knew she would be wearing her scrubs all day. 

However, the second she stepped outside and her eyes met Maya’s, the bubble burst. 

Her wife smiled softly back at her but Carina knew her well enough, better than she knew herself sometimes, to be able to spot the sadness behind those clear blue eyes devoid of their usual brightness. 

They looked clouded. 

Carina knew right away that something had happened, and that they wouldn’t be celebrating. Not yet.

Non voglio mica la luna = I'm not asking for the moon

Chapter Text

When Carina had joined her family in the backyard, Stella had quickly thrown herself at her as if she hadn’t seen her mamma in days – Carina loved it; she squished the little girl close to her and showered her cheeks with noisy kisses. Only then had  Stella complained: “You smell like ospitle, mamma.” Both her and Maya had chuckled at the way the almost four-year-old had pronounced hospital. But, as it turned out, Stella was right. Carina needed a shower, so she had headed upstairs to take one, leaving Maya alone with the girls for a little bit longer.

Shower done, Carina looked at herself in the mirror, deciding she would leave her hair to dry naturally, pleased with the idea of going back to her natural curls for a while. As she was zipping up the light wash jeans she had chosen for that evening, she heard the doorbell ring. 

Carina rushed downstairs in case Maya was still outside with the girls and hadn’t heard, but as she reached the landing, she saw Andrea already squatting down to lift Stella in his arms, while Maya stood by the open door with Isabella in hers.

“You’re here! Good.” Carina walked to the rack where they kept some of their shoes and put on a pair of white canvas sneakers, ignoring Maya’s perplexed look.

“Yeah, you told me to come. You said it was an emergency?”

Carina rolled her eyes, well aware of how dramatic Andrea could be sometimes. “I just said to come as soon as you could.”

“That’s not what- You know what? Nevermind,” he decided to drop things there because experience had taught him that small exchanges like this could quickly escalate when they were in a room together.

“Excuse me, am I the only one who doesn’t know what you’re doing here?” Maya asked Andrew, who dropped Stella on the ground so he could take off his leather jacket.

“We are going for a walk! Andrea is babysitting for a bit.”

“I am?”

“We are?”

Andrew and Maya asked at the same time, with an almost identical look of confusion on both of their faces as they looked at Carina, who simply chuckled at their expressions.

“Allora! ,” Carina exclaimed, clapping her hands once before pointing at her wife. “You and me, let’s go.”

She reached out to grab Maya’s wrist, barely giving her time to hand baby Isabella to Andrew before she was getting dragged out the door.

They had been strolling around their neighborhood in silence for about a minute, Carina’s left arm hooked through Maya’s right one, before the firefighter spoke up, still rattled by everything that had just happened.

“Carina, what are we doing?,” Maya asked, making them stop.

“Walking! It’s good for your heart,” she grinned sheepishly at Maya who, by the look on her face, wasn’t buying it, “We need to talk, and I didn’t want to wait hours to find out what happened to make you sad, bambina. Today was supposed to be a happy day.”

Maya sighed before she started walking again, staring at her feet as they walked, slower than before.

“I choked. I’m pretty sure I blew the interview at the end of my examination.”

“How do you know?”

“Trust me, if you had seen their faces you would know too. Everything was going so well! And I just started talking and-” she shook her head then, deflating as she recalled the moment from three hours ago. “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I blew it.”

“Oh, bambina…”

“Please, don’t. I don’t need your sympathy right now. This is humiliating enough.”

A small frown appeared on Carina’s forehead as she took in her wife’s word. Humiliating? Why would Maya think possibly failing her interview was humiliating? Did she think Carina would make her feel like that? 

“Maya, I don’t care if you never get a promotion. You are so much more than your job.”

“But I care, Carina! I worked so, so hard for it. And maybe if Chief Mendes wasn’t a 300-year-old troglodyte…”

“What?” Carina asked, chuckling.

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s over. Ross is probably gloating as we speak.”

This time it was Carina who made them stop, moving her arm away from Maya’s so she could grab her wife’s hands out of her pockets, where they had remained since they had left the house.

“I’m sure nobody is gloating, amore. And I’m sure it didn’t go as badly as you think,” Maya scoffed, looking away from her. Carina wasn’t having any of it and she chased her wife’s eyes. “Hey, when will you know?”

“In a couple of days, probably.”

“Is there anything you can do until then?” Maya shook her head no, still avoiding her eyes. “Then let’s not think about that. Whatever will be, will be!”

Maya looked at her wife, marveling at how easily Carina could put a positive spin on everything that usually would get her to spiral on a good day. “I love you,” she blurted out, unable to keep her feelings for her remarkable wife at bay.

Carina had smiled widely then before leaning down and capturing her lips in a sweet kiss that made the fire captain hum in contentment. When Maya opened her eyes, she took a second to really look at her wife for the first time that evening.

“You, on the other hand, seem pretty happy. What gives?”

Carina spun them around, reaching out to hold Maya’s hand instead, as they walked back towards their street.

“I talked to Bailey about how they opened the free clinic at the hospital, and did you know it was named after a patient that the interns back then almost killed in order to get him a heart?” She chuckled at Maya’s perplexed expression before she continued talking. “Anyway. I told her. I told her about our plans to start my own practice in the future, and-”

“And?” Maya prompted her to continue, recognizing the hesitancy in the way her wife was biting her lip.

“And she suggested I start small and gain some experience first. She wants to open a reproductive health clinic at the hospital, and she wants me to run it.”

Maya stopped in her tracks then, forcing Carina to turn around and face her. Carina winced as she waited for her wife to react, not knowing how she’d take the news. 

She was aware that it was different from what they had talked about, just between them; it was exciting, but she wouldn’t do it if Maya didn’t think it was a good idea.

“Say something?”

“Wow that’s- wow,” Maya blinked rapidly, trying to wrap her head around what her wife had said. “I don’t know, do you want to do it?”

“I do! But Maya, if you don’t think it’s a good idea I won’t.”

“Carina, hey. You’re a fantastic doctor, and this is a good opportunity to know if you like running things without worrying about the risks,” Maya nodded to herself, proud of her own reasoning. “Do it. Call Bailey and tell her yes.”

“Wait, really?” Carina asked excitedly, waiting for confirmation before she could allow herself to be really excited about the idea. 

“Really,” Maya confirmed, smiling wide at the sight of her wife bouncing with excitement in the middle of their street, right before she found herself being kissed deeply, the contact too short for her liking but it left her breathless regardless. 

“Miranda is going to be so happy. I really think it will be a good test for me, to see if I can do this, if I can run a clinic and not just attend to patients. The board will worry about procuring the money to start the project, and I will still be able to operate at the hospital, and to volunteer at least once a month at the station’s clinic, and-”

“Okay. We will work it out,” Maya interrupted, trying to lower her wife’s enthusiasm from a ten to a five as they made their way back home.

When they made it up their driveway, Maya sighed loudly at the sight of Carina’s new Audi parked by her Jeep, making her wife roll her eyes at her dramatics. She did miss the Porsche, she especially missed telling people her wife had a Porsche, but that’s something she would never tell Carina – she probably knew anyway, because her wife always seemed to know all of her inner thoughts without her having to share them.

When they made it inside they were greeted by the familiar voices from L’Albero Azzurro, and as if they could communicate telepathically, they looked at each other, probably thinking the same thing – Stella had convinced her zio to watch the show with her.

Sure enough, Andrew was lying on the couch propped up by a couple of pillows, holding a sleepy Isabella on his chest as he asked Stella, who was sitting on the other end of the couch snacking on some orange wedges held in a plastic bowl, questions about the characters.

“Oh no, she got you too?” Maya smiled, amused by the fact that Stella could probably convince half the adult population of Seattle to watch the Italian children’s show.

“Carina and I used to watch this all the time as kids. It brings back memories,” he said wistfully.

Andrew smiled at his sister as she rounded the couch, grabbing Stella under her arms so she could join them, finally settling the little girl on her lap.

“Remember how much papà hated it?” Carina asked, laughing at the memory.

“What was it that he used to say?,” he wondered out loud. “This is an abomination designed to make children stupid,” he said, imitating their father’s deep, booming voice as best as he could.

Both siblings broke out in laughter, which startled Isabella. The six-month-old started whimpering, her face scrunching up in displeasure at the sudden noise in the room. Maya reached over to grab her, trying to soothe her before she could start crying.

“I’m taking her upstairs, you’re too loud for her,” she said, watching as both siblings started giggling as if they were two little kids who had gotten busted doing something they shouldn’t have. “You know, one day you might become as loud as them,” she told the little girl as she made her way upstairs.

Isabella whimpered again, hitting Maya’s shoulder with her little fist. “I know, I can’t believe it either! You’re my little angel, so you stay that way. Okay?” She leaned back to try to catch her daughter’s sweet face, but the baby just grunted and moved her head to the opposite side. “Okay, good talk.”

The rest of the evening was lovely. 

Andrew stayed for dinner and he and Maya had engaged in some of their usual banter, much to Carina’s delight – she always refused to take sides, which Maya found slightly annoying sometimes. In the end, the fire captain had been happy to see Andrew was doing much better from the last time she saw him. His meds were obviously working again, and that resulted in a very present zio Andrea who prioritized his well-being and his family over work.

However, when she had tucked in Stella that night, Maya had learned some very disturbing information that she felt her wife needed to know as soon as she entered their bedroom.

“You need to talk to your brother. Stella said he promised next time he’ll bring his guitar?”

Carina, who had been slightly alarmed at the mention of Andrea, groaned at that information. “Oh my god! I knew I should have thrown away that stupid guitar after Sam broke up with him the first time.”

“Who is Sam?” Maya asked, her interest piqued.

Instead of answering, Carina just started muttering in Italian as she angrily put on her favorite oversized t-shirt, which happened to be her brother’s, before walking into the en-suite bathroom, leaving a very confused Maya behind.

“Okay, then,” she muttered to herself.

She proceeded to change for bed, checking her phone one last time for the day as she passed her bedside table. That’s when she saw there was a notification for a change in her calendar.

The Chief’s Office had added a meeting to her schedule, two days from now, at 9 am sharp, in Maya’s office. 

She took a shuddering breath, trying to remain calm at the prospect of facing the Chief again so soon after her interview. However, as if a switch had been flicked, Maya decided to take a page off her wife’s book – there was nothing she could do about this meeting for the next 48 hours, so she might as well forget about it until then. 

Dealing with Chief Ross was a problem for future Maya to worry about, and right now she wanted very much to enjoy the present, one that would hopefully involve getting to take Andrew’s hideous tie dye shirt off her wife’s body tonight.

Chapter Text

Maya paced around the small space of her office, twirling her tumbler in slow circles before taking another sip of her breakfast smoothie. It had been a compromise, seeing as how she had been too nervous to eat anything, a fact she had voiced out loud much to her wife’s dismay. Trying to avoid an argument, she had decided to blend her favorite breakfast mix to bring to work.

That hadn’t even been the most stressful moment of the morning, as her wife had left in a hurry after securing the girls to the car seats of her still new car. Carina had her own meeting scheduled, she was going to have breakfast with Bailey to talk about the new women’s reproductive health clinic they were trying to open, which left Maya to drive alone to work.

She had slipped into her office as soon as she had arrived at the station, not wanting to bump into anyone leaving or starting their shift. She had changed into her perfectly ironed uniform and grabbed her smoothie out of her backpack, thinking that would provide enough distraction to avoid freaking out about her meeting with the Chief. 

There was a knock on the door, startling her as she was taking a sip of her liquid breakfast. She swallowed as fast as she could, spinning in place as she tried to find where to put the tumbler. That’s when she caught sight of the time and realized it was still early – it couldn’t be Ross, right?

“Come in,” she prompted, her shoulders sagging in relief when she saw Andy poking her head inside. Her hair was loose and still damp, as if she too had left her place in a rush that morning.

“Hey, I just wanted to wish you good luck before your meeting.” Andy opened the door further, her whole body visible now but never fully stepping inside – her hand still on the door handle. “Are you freaking out?”

Maya tilted her head back and forth. “A little,” she admitted. 

“It will be okay. Even if-”

“Don’t say it!,” Maya interrupted, pointing at her with a finger.

“I’m just saying, you are a great Captain. And it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you have to remain as captain of ‘19’ for a while longer, no?”

Maya groaned, tilting her head back towards the ceiling. She hated feeling so out of sorts. “I guess it wouldn’t be terrible,” she added, making Andy chuckle. “What about you? Have you heard anything back, yet?”

“Nothing. Any day now, though.”

Maya tightened her lips in a sympathetic smile before Andy slipped away to take care of today’s lineup. The fact that she wasn’t the only one waiting for news about her future was oddly comforting. 

It took her back to the academy, when Andy and her were waiting to hear about their assigned stations – not that there was ever any doubt Herrera would end up at ‘19’ with her father, but Maya had no connections in the department, she wasn’t a legacy, and Andy had been the only friend she had made at the academy. 

She had tried to rely on her father’s coaching –eyes forward, embrace the pain– but she had been nervous regardless. It would be her first foray into adulthood without Lane, without a team of people working for her to succeed. If only that Maya had known how happy she would get to be…

Before she knew it, it was nine o’clock, and someone was knocking on her door again. 

She saved the document she had been working on to kill some time, and got up from her seat, knowing it would be Ross this time. 

“Come in,” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking as a hand pressed down her uniform shirt, as if trying to get rid of any wrinkles there.

“Good morning, Bishop.”

The Chief seemed to be in good spirits, at least she was smiling, which was a rare sight in the short time Maya had known her. 

“Good morning, Chief. It’s always good to have you here”

Ross let out a chuckle, shaking her head as she took a seat in a chair – it was the same chair every time, the one on the left; Maya had noticed.

“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I’m here to talk about the future of ‘19’,” she paused for a moment, smiling when she observed all the ways in which the fire captain in front of her tried to control every muscle in her face so as not to show a reaction. “I imagined you would like to be the one to break the news to her: Andy Herrera has passed her captaincy exam.”

Maya’s eyebrows arched in surprise. Not that she had ever doubted Andy would pass her exam, she had been positive she would, but she hadn’t expected Ross to drop by to announce the news. At least, not just for that.

“That’s fantastic news! Herrera will be thrilled. No one deserves it more.”

“I’m sure she’ll be a fine Captain. Now, let’s talk about your future, Bishop. I’m sure you have been dying to hear about how your own exam went.”

Maya nodded slowly, almost imperceptibly as she waited on baited breath for Ross to continue. She pushed down the need to defend her position during the interview, waiting instead to see what the Chief had to say.

“The scores for your practical exams were perfect. You went through every exercise swiftly and with precision. Let me be clear, you are an amazing firefighter, there’s no arguing that.”

“But? I feel like there’s a but.”

“I want you to know that I fought for you, Bishop. And I would do it again.”

*****

A month later

Andy Herrera looked at the clipboard in her hands, flipping a couple of pages as her eyes went over every detail again. The memory of her best friend using one of those every day brought a smile to her face.

She kept the pace, not caring if the two firefighters behind her were keeping up with her. She could hear the scuff of their new boots on the freshly cleaned floors, so she knew they were, no need to turn around.

“Okay, probies, welcome to your new home. You are now fully fledged firefighters and you will be expected to act as such. There will be no do-overs and no time for questions at a scene. Follow your team’s lead, watch and learn from them. You will not question orders from your superiors, and you will not be driving anything – don’t even think about asking.”

Andy stopped walking abruptly once she had reached the barn. She smiled when she heard the two firefighters bumping into each other without having to turn around to watch them.

“If you go that way,” she started, vaguely pointing in the direction of the stairs with the clipboard, “you will find the bunk rooms. Ask before you lay anywhere. There are two lockers already assigned to you – don’t leave any valuables in there.”

Herrera started walking again, exchanging a smirk with the firefighters already lining up by the trucks. “Line up!,” she yelled, taking the probies by surprise. She tried to hold back a laugh as she saw them scurry to find a place at the end of the lines of firefighters standing to attention; a few chuckles could be heard around the room.

She took a few steps until she was standing in the middle of the two rows of men and women under her command, her eyes skipping from one firefighter to another without uttering a word. Andy was having far too much fun seeing the new kids trying not to squirm in place. Her eyes finally landed on one of them, the girl – Max Parker –, Bishop had told her to pay special attention to her. The girl had impressed her best friend during her brief time in the fire training academy, and Andy knew Maya was rarely ever wrong.

Speaking of her friend, she hoped she was enjoying her day off. Andy had only been Captain for a month –her new position still held novelty and excitement– but she missed having Maya around and being able to lean on her at any given moment. But this is what she had worked so hard for. She just hoped her dad, wherever he might be, was proud of her.

*****

Maya Bishop entered her house to find it unsurprisingly quiet. If nothing had changed, she knew she would find Carina in their bedroom, where she had promised she would wait for Maya to return from dropping the girls off at daycare. 

Both of them having a day off was such a rare occurrence these days, that they had decided to have the day for just them, or for as many hours as they could before they needed to go pick up the kids.

“Carina, I’m back!,” she yelled as she climbed the stairs two at a time, eager to re-join her wife in bed.

When she entered their room, Carina was sitting in the middle of the bed with her legs crossed, leaning forward to type something on her laptop; the image so different to what Maya had pictured on her drive back home.

“Seriously?” The firefighter’s voice was loaded with incredulity.

“Just one more minute, bambina! Bailey needed me to go over some numbers before we can open the clinic next week.”

Maya sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed so she could take off her white trainers, leaving them neatly by the bedside table to avoid tripping over them later. She turned over her shoulder to stare at her wife. The image of Carina typing while sticking her tongue out of the corner of her lips was adorable, and it made her smile.

She crawled behind Carina and moved the long brown tresses away from a tan shoulder, exposed by the maroon tank top the obstetrician was wearing. She kissed the warm skin once, pressing her nose to it to inhale the essence that was so unequivocally her wife’s, before starting a path up to where the neck meets the shoulder.

Carina tried to remain focused on the spreadsheet she was reviewing, but her wife’s lips on her neck were proving very distracting.

“Just one minute. I promise,” she promised, turning her head to the side to look into Maya’s eyes.

“Okay, okay. One minute, though. I’ll be counting.”

Carina chuckled at that, giving her wife a quick kiss before returning her attention to the computer screen. She could sense her wife shifting behind her and she really wanted to look, she did, but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else until she had gotten back to Bailey.

"Cambio un cinque con un due e…,” Carina muttered as she hit send, lifting both arms in celebration at being done. She closed her laptop and set it on the floor, over the side of the bed. “ Allora, where were we?”

Carina’s expression switched almost immediately, from excitement to lust, at the sight of her wife in only her underwear, laying casually across the bed. 

“I was wondering if I would need to start without you.”

The lower register of Maya’s voice drove Carina insane, pushing her to lunge forward to kiss her wife, effectively making her lay down on her back. She covered part of the half naked body with hers as she angled her head to deepen the kiss, her hands holding her up on either side of Maya’s arms, moaning when skillful fingers scratched her scalp.

“You will never, ever, need to start without me, bambina. Unless that’s what you want.”

“Oh, good to know.” Maya’s smiling lips covered her wife’s, silently letting her know she was amenable to this arrangement. “Well, then you better start by taking this off,” she suggested, her fingers pulling the hem of Carina’s tank top. 

The last thing Maya would remember with clarity before her brain got fogged by desire and the passionate touches of her wife’s skilled hands, was the sight of Carina taking off her clothes before delicately biting one of her bra covered nipples, making her back arch in response.

That had been a while ago. Maya had lost count of how many times they had brought each other to the peak of their pleasure when Carina asked for a break to go grab a snack. That had also been a while ago, ten minutes if her smartwatch was to be trusted – too long for her liking.

Maya grabbed her robe off the back of a chair and tied the belt as she made her way downstairs in search of her wife. She found her leaning against the kitchen counter, gloriously naked, popping a grape inside her mouth – it was quite the sight.

“And you say I’m the impatient one,” Carina’s raspy voice made the joke sound anything but funny.

“I missed you,” Maya answered, as she stopped in front of Carina before kissing her, moaning at the grape juices mixed with her own taste on her wife’s lips. “God, I’m crazy about you.”

Carina smiled, pleased at the very much reciprocated feeling her wife shared out loud. She grabbed another grape and offered it to Maya, who leaned over, keeping eye contact, before wrapping her lips around the grape and part of her fingers.

They shared a few more grapes between kisses, before Carina spoke up again.

“So, it’s been a month. How do you feel now?”

Maya chewed a bit faster, swallowing what remained of the grape in her mouth before answering. “Still excited, still terrified, and still very much like I’m carrying the weight of every woman in the department on my shoulders.”

“Well,” Carina started, setting the container of fruit on top of the counter so she could wrap her arms around her wife’s shoulders. She yelped when Maya wrapped strong arms under her thighs, lifting her, forcing her to wrap her long legs around the firefighter’s waist. “We are home,” Maya nodded, “and we are alone,” Maya nodded again, making her smile. “The only weight you have to carry here is mine.”

“Oh, really? And do tell, where should I carry this weight you speak of?”

“Wherever you want, Chief. Where you go, I go.”

THE END

Cambio un cinque con un due e = I change a five for a two and...