Chapter Text
It’s not every day that you get a mission from Starr Park’s top brass. Nor is it natural to take a water break next to a river made of whole milk. Yet here we were, knees deep in an unknown land searching for another absurd addition to Starr Park’s accursed collection. My current objective is to scout ahead for any more colorful competitors in this custard-covered canopy.
The trees around us were drooping down with leaves of candy paper. The trunks were comprised of graham crackers and caramel poured out like sap. The floor wasn’t covered in dirt but rather powered chocolate cake with mint grass clippings along the surface. Playful life-sized animal crackers rushed around me with an assortment of drizzled toppings to replicate fur coats.
I looked ahead and saw a cookie cave with chocolate bars mimicking stones as the entrance came into view. That had to be our target. I walked through the diabetic wonderland back to the clearing we’d camped at for the night. The sound of soft singing helped guide the way. She rested merrily on a dusty black boulder shaped like a coal deposit and just as crumbly. Her voice seemed to attract gummy bears and taffy tits that flocked to her side as if she were their queen.
Her pink hair blended in with the bubblegum vines that fell around her. The gaudy golden bracelets glistened in the fall sun. Her makeup, her mystique, she was hard not to stare at. Harder still was it to interrupt her musical interludes. Though I had to inform her of my discovery.
“Melodie.”
She continued to hum a tune as a family of licorice foxes approached cautiously.
I again spoke up, “Melodie!”
My robotic call was getting drowned out.
I slammed my foot and spoke with every ounce of my audio projector, “MELODIE!”
The magical notes that floated along her breath immediately dropped. So did her pleasant demeanor. The animals rushed away, and she huffed in my direction, “Liam! What do you want?”
Ignoring the incorrect name, “I was told to inform you when I found our objective.”
She threw her luscious locks to the side while inspecting her horned headband, “And?”
“I’ve found the cave’s entrance.”
She slammed shut her miniature mirror and scoffed, “That’s it?”
I was a little surprised by her response, “Is that not what you wanted?”
Melodie jumped off her perch just a few inches from me, “I was expecting you to bring me the Mochalota.”
I took into account her statement and made a logical response, “That makes sense. Sorry.”
The look she gave me was rather comedic. I could tell there was a part of her that was frustrated, but I have a strange effect on people. Maybe it’s my constant smiling and optimistic take on life. Or the fact that I would never break a single rule even if my life depended on it. For some reason, people tend to trust me. They also trust that I would never mean to disrespect them. One of the perks of being a law-abiding citizen.
Melodie shook her head once more before dismissively adding, “Whatever. Let’s just go get this chocolate, Lawrie.”
I perked up further at that, “Close. I’m actually Larry.”
My metallic boots crunched up the cookie-cutter path we followed along the riverbed. The cave was just as welcoming as the rest of this confection cove. An island deep within the middle of the Oceania Major amongst a host of pirating islands all run by a gang known as the Smoke Keggers. We’d only made it here thanks to the efforts of Starr Park’s swashbuckling crew, Darryl’s Barrels.
Once inside my cream-colored synthetic skin cooled off immediately. The sensors within my nostrils informed me of the sweet smell of white chocolate. A warm drop of liquid fell onto my yellow shoulder guard. Inspection upward showed milk chocolate stalactites overhead. They drizzled their flavorful ooze over the floor just as it swapped from cookies to cocoa.
I swiped off a bit and did a taste test. Not too sweet yet not bitter at all. Just the right blend. “The Cupcake Isle is a magical place,” I openly stated hoping to spark conversation.
Melodie was too busy practicing her catwalk to hear me. Though I didn’t mind. It showed her attention to the mission, which as employees of the Starr is the most important feature of all.
We marveled at the glowing silk worms or were they fruit worms with the colorful rainbow string they created behind them? The bats popped like those exploding rock candies that Leon would stuff his mouth full of. One such flying mammal deposited its excrement just a few inches from Melodie’s designer boots.
“EWW!” she screeched. She gave a cursing response to the cave’s roof as if the bats could understand.
I inspected the guano noticing that it seemed rather fluffy instead of liquid. I placed my finger within and sniffed its contents. Melodie nearly barfed watching my investigation but I was proud to announce it was scented just like everything else.
The two of us stared at each other while I allowed the poop to sit on my index finger. Melodie looked between my eyes and hand and whispered, “Don’t.”
My hand got a little closer to my face.
“Lincoln, stop it.”
Well, she said the wrong name so it’s not an order.
“Eww. Eww. EWW.”
I let the fluffy white and pale yellow mixture enter my maw. It was soft and sweet just as I expected. Also as expected, Melodie pushed how high her voice could get. “EEEEEWWWW!” She put both hands up in the form of a cross, “토할 것 같아. That is so disgusting.”
I reached a hand outward, “It was just custard.”
Melodie backed further into the cave with her mic pointed toward me, “Don’t touch me!”
I decided to have a bit of fun, “It was only custard.” I flexed my fingers and grew closer. Though I would not actually touch her. She did order me not to after all.
With her back turned she ended up tripping on a cookie wafer outcrop. I continued to toy with her until my eyes were caught by a glistening purple glow. The rest of the gave was a starch black or pristine white with mixtures of light brown above and below. The milk river filtered in beside us letting itself stand at an aquifer that was circling this cave’s exterior.
Purple and pink rock candy mounds rested along the floor in random locations. Next to milk wafers cracker crevices scattered sparingly around us. Then in the center, where the chocolate floor gave way to something new, a vanilla ice cream mound reached six meters high. Somehow the chocolate stalactites were dripping a coarse, clear liquid. Maybe the milk that entered the gave was affecting it somehow.
I didn’t know and we didn’t care. What mattered was at the top of this mound of lactose heap. There stood a cocoa statue. A beautiful sculpture of a woman reaching upward to the ceiling. She had a slim waist visible beneath a tight dress with a shorter skirt. Her hair was cut like a pixie’s and her sharp chin pointed towards us as she looked for another drop of that delectable elixir.
Her slim legs. Prominent bosom. She was a beautiful caricature of the feminine gender. Melodie noticed my agape mouth and huffed, “Take a picture, jerk.”
I didn’t notice that she was walking ahead of me. I had my eyes focused on two important matters. Firstly, the marvelous sculpture ahead and how the ooze that landed in her palm snaked slowly down her forearm. Second, and more importantly, the stirring that was coming from the eastern bank of the milk moat.
A beige rough exterior filled with crevices and pitfalls on the shoulders and chest. The pristine white liquid that rolled away was replaced with a frosty white topping of what looked like vanilla icing. The creature somehow remained rocky while also looking smooth to the touch with a strong pectoral prominence and a cut stomach to match.
The head of this creature was adorned with the same icing that could be found on the shoulder, collarbone, and even part of its outer thigh. The icing made the clearly preformed shape of his head look like a gelled-up hairdo straight out of The Greasers.
When the masculine cookie finally started making landfall Melodi took note of his presence. I didn’t see her response at the time but I would later find out that she was… intrigued, to say the least. I believe the words she used to describe it were, “Momma’s found a backup dancer.” A statement accentuated by her charcoal bottom lip being bitten down seductively.
This crunchy creature cleared the lactose from its eyes which were just as scrumptious looking as his skin. It looked like milky pools with a conglomerate of raisins making up the pupils. Now it finally recognized us, “Hello?”
His voice was sweet yet simple. Not too much bass and not soft like a child’s whine. He sounded oddly common even if his physique showed the experience of a Hollywood action film star. Melodie was busy fixing her hair halfway up the mound of dairy. I thought to myself, ‘Optimism boosts engagement’, so I decided to take the lead.
“Hello there. My name is Larry!” It was a basic opening statement but even my autotuned modules were sure to show we meant no harm.
The cookie nodded along responding, “I’m Otis.” Otis? I took another look at his skin and made a connection. He’s got the chunky exterior of an oatmeal cookie. I reframed from laughing as he pointed upwards, “And you’re?”
She finally found a good resting place for her bangs and brandished her starlet charm, “My name is the Fearless, Flawless Starlet, Melodie.” Her singing voice bounced off the reverberating walls and echoed away after a few seconds.
Otis’ response was mostly nonchalant disinterest as he turned back to me, “What brought you here?”
Straight to business. I decided to take a seat on one of the jagged purple rock candy mounds behind me. “We’ve been tasked with finding the mystical chocolate known as Mochalota.” I went into detail about Starr Park’s demands and how this chocolate held the secret to making the greatest treats in the world.
Melodie vented some frustrations of her own, “It should have been those sweet freaks Mandy and Chester handling this but one’s missing, and the other’s on the lamb.” I told her that we shouldn’t mention internal park conflicts as it was against our non-disclosure agreements. Melodie just scoffed at me adding, “If you ask me, I think he did it.”
Otis scratched his chin as he comprehended our statement. He pointed a finger upward and asked, “Mocha Lota?” We followed the rough finger to the statue that was still receiving the elixir from above. “Miss Nessy Mocha Lota. She possesses chocolate like none other in Frostdom.”
“Frostdom?” I asked.
Otis explained, “The name of this land. Frostdom.”
I nodded my head while saying, “We’ve been calling it the Cupcake Isle. On account of the cupcake mountain at the center.”
Otis nodded his head then sharply finished, “Well congratulations you’re wrong.” He shook his head as if apologizing for the rude response then finished, “Miss Nessy’s body has stood immobile since the dawn of confection. Her chocolate skin mixes with the elixir from above. Making an ancient concoction that no bakery could ever replicate.”
I nodded along as Melodie continued her short trek upward. My LED eyes must have sparkled as I asked, “It must taste heavenly?”
Otis nodded along, “Divine. If only I could taste it again.”
From atop the mound Melodie even turned around perplexed, “Play that back?”
Otis proudly held his chiseled nose high, “When I was first chosen to become a guardian I was gifted with a taste of her bounty. It didn’t just hook me, it warped my life. As a proud guardian of Nessy, it’s my job to protect her frozen frame. So long as I serve, no damage shall befall her pristine porcelain skin.” He looked up to the sky with his arms spread wide. The crumby flakes from his exterior scattered against his feet. “As a reward, when my time has been served, I will eat once again.”
Melodie rolled her eyes at his assertion. “Okay, and how long does this job last?”
Otis scratched his jagged chin, “Hmmm…” Then with a warm smile, he declared, “When another is chosen.”
We were starting to understand how this uncontacted world operated. This was some occult affair we’d stumbled upon. I wasn’t often one to break a rule but it was my job to acquire the Mochalota. Also, Melodie wasn’t one to wait. I decided to ask, “Otis… how long have you been here?”
The cookie monster sat completely still for a moment. His eyes remained unwavering and he stared through me. Then suddenly he blinked like a flustered toddler and quickly shifted to an upbeat tune, “Would you like to wait with me?” Melodie blew a raspberry and made her way to the peak. Otis merrily continued, “It’s lonely in here. Alone. And I know you haven’t been here since I started, but maybe if I put in a good word, they’ll let you partake in Nessy’s nectar with me.”
I leaned in expectantly, “They?”
Otis opened his mouth to respond but suddenly jumped. He heard something alarming. His head snapped to the hilltop and her nearly screeched, “WHAT?”
Melodie had reached the peak and brandished a small knife. “Yeah, I wasn’t born yesterday.” She was currently inspecting the statue as if finding the optimal location to place a tattoo with her name on it.
Otis’ originally calm voice spiked, “What are you doing?!”
Melodie licked her thumb and sized up the sculpture, “A star doesn’t wait for the sun to shine-” she held the needle up to her eye- “because she is the light of her galaxy.”
Otis began hyperventilating which I couldn’t stomach observing. It wasn’t in my nature to make a fellow law-abiding citizen suffer. Even if their laws were from another land. “We aren’t taking your people’s sculpture. We will just snag a small sample and then we’ll be on our way.”
Otis came running around the mound to the side we’d arrived from. He was panicking now, “Please you don’t understand. Lady Nessy has protected this cavern for generations. It possesses the chocolate and milk of generations-” As he continued to preach Melodie found a good spot just under the chin. Otis’ voice peaked, “If harm were to befall her… my orders!”
Melodie paused for a moment looking down at me. I was of course laser focused. My turquoise LED eyes blinked a few times to process this data. However, “I understand your concern, but retrieval of Mochalota is a direct order from Starr Park’s highest executive officers. I cannot disobey.” I gave a thumbs up and Melodie put the knife just under the base of the statue’s chin.
Then something unexpected happened. The chiseled cookie man made a deep inhalation. His chest expanded outward then compressed suddenly. A roar ripped through his batter lungs, “PLYMOUTH!”
His call made the stalactites above quiver and the ground shake. Melodie pulled away to cover her ears and I kept my eyes on the ceiling to make sure a giant shard of chocolate didn’t pierce through me. Then came a creeping feeling from my ankles. I looked down to see that the rock I was sitting on had grown around my left leg. I tried to pull away, but something chilled my rapidly heating servos.
Another southern trip with my eyes was returned by a northern stare. Glowing yellow eyes hidden in a dark crease between the shades of pink and lavender. Suddenly this creature awoke from its hibernation and lifted me effortlessly by my leg. I dangled there with my arms limp like meat on a chain and for some reason unable to fight back.
“Larry!” I saw from my inverted view that Melodie had begun sliding down to my assistance. I also watched in horror as Otis had somehow appeared behind her. No, it wasn’t unknown to me just unbelievable. Melodie didn’t have time to react as he gripped her fur cowl and launched her into the moat he’d risen from.
I felt the creeping feeling pass my waist. The rock candy monster was engulfing my body. My legs were frozen stiff and adorned with crystal shards of varying shades of orange and yellow much like my uniform. The sweet treat continued to push its way up my torso and over my nips.
I managed to move my arm toward the holster that my ticket dispenser rested within but the moment my palm touched my waist the spread began up my final limbs.
I saw Melodie burst out of the drink with red eyes and a redder face. The shock in her pupils must have meant I looked like a horrid sight. Then suddenly everything turned into a strange tint of yellow.
I couldn’t breathe, yet I wasn’t suffocating. I heard nothing except the sound of my systems shutting down. Yet I didn’t power off. I saw Melodie clambering up from the milk and trying to rush toward me. Then my orientation changed. I was facing the ceiling. I could see the graham crackers holding the ceiling together and how they latched onto the chocolate stalactites.
Then there was a crack running along my eyes.