Chapter Text
The sound of people talking and shouting filled Hogwarts castle halls. Decorations for the seasonal holidays were everywhere, wreaths with bows and ornaments, wall cut outs that held memoirs with all 7 candles light signifying its last day of the holiday. It also happened to be Christmas eve. This year Hogwarts had invited all of its students to stay and not to come back to the castle for such an event. Everyone for the most part did come back. Girls in dresses with their formal matching clocks warped around them to keep the cold out and boys with their dectrice clocks still tied up, a few not exposing a shirt underneath or a muggle dress shirt were running around, dancing, talking and shouting with glee. Either away from their parents where they stood talking to others jiggling while their children have the time of their lives watching with a fondness that could never be replaced for their children having fun with their friends. It was the first kind of party that Hogwarts had ever had, though they still called the Yule Ball like the one they did historically for the Triwizarsd Tournament took place, it was not happening though just a party between people who had a connection to the school. Even Muggle parents were invited though to the disdain of some Pureblood families.
You would see the adults look at the children that were under their care with such fondness over the joy and fun they were having. Sadly Regulus Black's parents were not one of them. They were ones who pleaded to Albus Dumbledore to not allow Muggles here but still came because the Minister For Magic was intendedence and didn't want to look bad. So there Regulus stood in dark black robes that if caught a certain light looked almost a midnight blueish purple, ribes of pure black hooked around the sleeves through the metal sliver opened holes falling with his arm where the ends were braided together. It brought attention to the muscles of his arms while giving ornaments to them. Unlike Muggles wizards/witches/sorceresses didn't have such a weird restriction on gender and clothing. In fact it was weird that they didn't have traditionally feminine and masculine aspects to the way they dress. So the robes that he was wearing showed off the dip of his waist while still showing things like his shoulders and general upper body. The pitch black ribbons on his sleeve followed up and around the rest of his clothing.
The ribbons went to his shoulders then they took a differing path. There were 4 long ribbons to the formal attire, 2 of them from opposite sides went down his sides going from a braid of 2 ribbons to the back and forth lace of just one ribbon on each side of his front the same was on his back from the other ribbons that went the other direction. Making the buttons that followed down the front of robes look obslute, and that one tug of one the ribbons would make the whole thing fall apart. You can decide if the ribbons that end of them if you hide them by tucking them into your upper part or if they leave hanging out like the ones on your arm. Regulus preferred a mix of the 2 styles adding smaller width and size of ribbons so they fall braided and tied to other parts of his clothes. The top fell to a skirt-like look but with place cut so you could see his legs where he wore matching pants with black boots that came almost to his knee. They too have ribbons seeming to fall in braids off of his body.
It was the one place his parents would let Regulus express himself though again not fully, but wherever they did let him have control he took it easily and quickly. Though that did not stop the desire of wanting longer hair and earrings, even the wizarding world had some rules that they couldn't shake. Or maybe it was just his parents making it up, that was also a possibility, it wouldn't be the first time either. He wore many silver rings with snakes seemingly climbing around his fingers with matching bracelets that did it little, not like the ones that could wrap around his forearms that he saw others wear, again a place where his parents took control away from him. But all in all he felt stunning, watching other people have fun drinking something that was in a gorgeous goblet. He couldn't have the time that he so desperately wanted and needed since his parents were here. Though there is isnt much I would even do without them here, Regulus mind helpfully supplied. They were just an easy scapegoat for the matter but they were always the reason.
Going back to focusing on the Potters, his brother, and all his little friends. The Potters were dressed to the nines in Indian-style dress robes, with beautiful bright yet deeply colored clothing wrapped around their bodies seemingly looking far too big and seemingly falling off their bodies but having a charm and prestige that could not be placed and still staying in place. It was all so beautiful. Sirius had his shoulder length hair curled and earrings and many bracelets on with his usual dress robes and tattoos showing. Regulus and his brother had almost scarily similar taste in looks and styles. He remembers all too clearly looking on with his brother at stuffy events like the ministry ball talking about what looked good or what they liked in what others were wearing. What they wished they could wear and or do to their own bodies to wear certain things. It seemed just like yesterday.
Pushing past the stinging bees in his eyes that were becoming wet swallowing the distinct feeling of that sad, excited, gagging feeling down his throat. Since Sirius ran to the Potters Regulus never saw what he had done to himself and his closet. He left most of it at the house, Regulus would just go in there and stare. In fact what he was wearing was Sirius that he left his parents had a strong reaction seeing it but said nothing. It was as if he was wearing something that was from a dead man. Sirius left his signet ring and Regulus had taken to wearing it that summer. When he went back to school Regulus pushed the tears that wanted to leave him with empty heaving sobs when he walked onto platform 9 ¾ this school year that he was not with his brother. He ignored him all this time because Regulus couldn't bare to see it. He knew he would see him so much happier than when he was with their parents. With Regulus. Regulus knew that it wasn't him that Sirius ran in the middle of the night from but he couldn't help but think so when Sirius wasn't seeking him out either.
Regulus could not escape him now. He was in the middle of the ballroom looking so happy. A happy that Regulus only saw glimpses of when he was with his older brother. When he got letters from his friends or looked towards the future. It was a happiness that was never that strong before now it looked all consuming. A happy…that was never directed to Regulus. So in a way, Regulus was the life that Sirius had to get up and leave from their parent's house. That included Regulus since he was so ingrained in his life back then. He could already feel the tears come out and the choke of a sob ripping up his throat, but there was something so exciting to it. Regulus' big brother was finally, finally happy. Sirius could finally live the life that he always wanted and deserved. Watching him dance around with Remus Lupin without a care or worry in the world shouting to Peter about something and then laughing at it. Sirius was happy.
The tears started to fall giving way to the stinging bees that were in his eyes and the quiet sob that left his mouth, his nose getting clogged and throat feeling like it could get enough air. Even with all of that there was a smile on his face. His brother, Sirius was happy, he looked so happy that he could burst. He was so happy…that he didn't even seem to remember. To remember that he had left Regulus behind with no one to take the brunt when the other couldn't handle it anymore. No one else they could deflect to. No one to help pick him up from when he was so done with everything or the wounds they inflicted. Regulus hands now have a permanent tremor from the crucio curse. Scars that are hidden behind his brother's old robes that ache from recent pain. Pain that never went away anymore thanks to the constant injuries and abuse and crucio curses, his body just naturally fires pain signals to places that have had nothing happen to him anymore. That was all from just the summer. Because Sirius left.
But it is okay. Because he is so much happier. He couldn't watch anymore and left to go to the prefect's bathroom that would surely be empty. He couldn't stop crying from the constant pain both physical and emotional. Finally getting there he dropped in front of the now closed door to the secret passage and he just let it all out. The room filled with gasps for breath and sobs that sounded more like screams in the echoing room. For one second he let every pain and everything out for if he didnt he thought it would eat him alive. He was not sure how long he was in there but soon he was washing up the tears gone his eyes thankfully weren't red he could breathe clearly there wasn't a sign that he had been crying exempt for the seeming awning pain that never ended in his chest, stomach and throat. He didn't notice there was another person that watched the whole thing happen for they stayed far too silent.
“I thought we agreed that you wouldn't let yourself get this bad again.” James says in not a mad or chastsing way. Regulus was unsure when they became close or even whatever the hell they had going on. “I also told you that I deal with it in my own way”. James sighed at this coming up to Regulus and his space. Once he was close enough he looked at Regulus stopping short. “Are you okay for me to touch you or does it hurt too bad?” Regulus nodded at him telling James that it was okay who let out a deep breath and grabbed Regulus upper waist avoiding the lower part knowing that if he touched there that it would end badly. James lowers his forehead to touch Regulus, who was ignoring the shocks of pain that came from the trendness touch James gave.
“Hi.” Regulus said not knowing what else to say. Not wanting to acknowledge James' other comments.
“Hi.” James says back and James smiles at him. James was in similar clothing to his parents with a bright deep red with gold speckled into with different shades of red going brighter and darker.
“You know you don't have to wear Gryffindor colors to everything right?” Regulus says jokingly though his voice showed clear signs that he had been crying.
“Regulus, Sirius would want to-” James started but never got to finish as Regulus looks at him and speaks
“Please. Please just let me have this. Let us have this.” Regulus asks, feeling tears build up again. He didn't want to spend this time, this such short time, that they had before Regulus had to go back.
“I don't know why you get upset about the colors. They look the best on me don't they? ”James said going with what Regulus originally said as if he never made the comment about Sirius.
“Is that why you were put in Gryffindor? Did you tell the sorting hat that you couldn't go to Hufflepuff cause it would clash on you.” Regulus asks with a watery laugh and James smiles sadly because of the undertones of the interaction. But if Regulus could just ignore it and pretend it isn't there this moment is picture perfect. If they weren't in the Prefect Bathroom and were out in the ball room slowly dancing to the music or outside holding each other while laughing trying to stay warm because they thought it would be a good idea to do. Maybe they were under the mistletoe that the Marauders hung up hogging it for an excuse to kiss and make snarky comments and kiss again. Sirius would have that same smile that he had in the ball room looking at the both of them and making snarky comments to Remus who would look on with them.
For just a moment, more like a second, Regulus could pretend and act like nothing bad has ever happened. For second, pretend that he was like Sirius without a care in a world happy with his older brother.
James and Regulus kissed, each kiss was tender and got longer each time.
For a second he could believe that this was his real life. They went to the bathroom because Sirius didn't want to see them kissing and Regulus and James ran to the prefect bathroom to continue.
For a second Regulus could ignore the shaking of his hands and the electric pain that was his constant life.
For a second just a beautiful prefect second he was just some teenage boy kissing his boyfriend at the school dance. For just one little second.
Eventually Regulus and James leave each other and go back to their receptive lives, Regulus back to being the prefect son for the holiday season being graceful and never brother some and James pretending that he dosent have this big secret to keep. Just staying the happy oblivious friend that everyone knows him as. Both wishing for something a bit more real each time it comes around.