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Mihawk swept into the Cross Coven’s boardroom with a stern frown on his face and a growing desire to skewer his co-leaders in his heart.
“I do not appreciate being interrupted,” he announced, glaring at the room’s other occupant, Crocodile. The man was as unfazed as ever as he puffed on a cigar. Mihawk had to wonder if Crocodile’s body could even actually enjoy those cigars of his, since he was technically made of sand, or if he liked them for the flavor and aesthetic, the way Mihawk enjoyed wine despite blood being the only source of nutrients his own body could actually process.
“Neither do I,” Crocodile drawled. He took his cigar from his mouth and tapped it against the edge of the table, dislodging the layer of ash at the end. The ash fell on the table, making Mihawk’s eye twitch in annoyance before he could stop himself.
“Then why…” Mihawk cut himself off, realizing what had happened. “I am going to murder Buggy.”
“Not if I get him first,” Crocodile grumbled, apparently realizing the same thing Mihawk had.
“Who are we getting?” Buggy asked with a broad grin as he entered the room and flopped into his usual chair.
“You,” Mihawk and Crocodile growled at the same time. Buggy laughed nervously and leaned back in his chair.
“What? But why would I be-“
“We know you lied to get us here,” Mihawk sneered. “We aren’t stupid.” Buggy hesitated, clearly weighing the consequences of continuing to lie against the potential benefits of convincing Mihawk and Crocodile that he hadn’t lied in the first place.
“Okay, so, maybe I texted both of you from each others’ phones and then deleted the sent messages so you wouldn’t see that your phones had sent the same message,” Buggy admitted. “But you two never show up if I call a meeting!”
“That’s because you never have anything worth meeting about,” Crocodile grumbled.
“This time I do!” Buggy insisted. “I just found out about some insane developments with our favorite doctor!”
“What did Marco do now?” Crocodile sighed.
“So Trafalgar-“ Buggy broke off and stared at Crocodile. “Marco’s your favorite doctor?”
“No!” Crocodile scowled and brandished the hook he wore to replace his missing left hand threateningly in Buggy’s direction. “Shut up or I'll gut you.”
“Don’t get your sand grains in a clump,” Mihawk said. “Tell us what Trafalgar did.” Zoro hadn’t mentioned anything new when Mihawk saw him the night before; could something have happened since then?
“Actually I’m kind of interested in Marco being Croccy’s favorite doctor now,” Buggy replied, still staring at Crocodile. “Is it because he has the glasses? Do you think they make him look smart? Or do you think he’s cute? You don’t seem like the type to like cute things, though, so-“
“Explain what you found out about Trafalgar before I become the one threatening to gut you,” Mihawk demanded. He would never admit it, but Trafalgar was actually Mihawk’s favorite doctor. The witch knew how to do a checkup without chattering away at him while still communicating what he was about to do so that Mihawk didn’t reflexively bite him or snap his bones in half. He even put up with Mihawk’s dislike of people looking at or touching his fangs with minimal complaining and scolding, all of which made him the least annoying and most competent doctor available in Mihawk’s opinion.
“Fine!” Buggy eyed Crocodile and muttered, “More about Marco later, I guess.” At his regular volume, Buggy continued, “Trafalgar is dating someone! And it’s a secret dragon who’s been under our noses for over two decades!” For a second, Mihawk was confused. Then the pieces came together.
“I’m still waiting for the insane developments,” Mihawk sighed, a little disappointed. No wonder Zoro hadn’t said anything.
“What? That’s insane!” Buggy sputtered. “That Alice brat named Luffy has been a dragon the whole time! And now Trafalgar is dating him!”
“Luffy being a dragon is obvious,” Crocodile scoffed. “He’s not the most subtle person these days, and he was downright terrible at hiding it when he was a child.”
“You knew?” Buggy blurted out. “What the fuck, Croccy?”
“Like I said, it’s obvious,” Crocodile huffed. “Right, Mihawk?”
“I suspected,” Mihawk said with a shrug. “I wasn’t sure until about two years ago, though.”
“Oh? What cemented it for you?” Crocodile asked conversationally.
“That’s your question?” Buggy shouted. “What the fuck?”
“Hush, Buggy,” Mihawk ordered. He eyed Crocodile for a moment, then admitted, “Two years ago was when Zoro started to come home smelling like campfire ash and talking about how strong and impressive and kind Luffy was.”
“Ah, your pup ended up as a hoard member. That makes sense,” Crocodile mused. “More sense than Trafalgar finding that hatchling attractive, anyway.”
“Anyone who knows Trafalgar well would know that Luffy is exactly his type,” Mihawk sneered, relishing the realization that for once he knew more than Crocodile did about something.
“How did you reach that conclusion?” Crocodile asked, his tone carefully kept in the curious range rather than straying into an argumentative one. That was how Mihawk knew he’d really won.
“As I said, it’s obvious,” Mihawk sighed. “But if you insist, I’ll elaborate. Just look at Trafalgar’s coven and friends. They’re all so much sunnier than him; he can’t help being drawn to strays and cheerful idiots. He also needs someone who will match him evenly and support him while being too stubborn to be driven away.”
“In other words, what the kid really needs is a nap, a regular meal schedule, and therapy,” Crocodile summarized. Mihawk considered that for a moment, then shrugged.
“Call it what you will,” he said.
“Do you think Dragon knows?” Buggy asked, breaking into the conversation once more.
“About Luffy? Or about their relationship?” Crocodile asked.
“The relationship, obviously,” Buggy scoffed.
“I’m sure he knows,” Mihawk sighed.
“He probably has no idea,” Crocodile said at the same time. The two eyed each other disapprovingly for a moment, but before they could fully plunge into this new debate, the boardroom door burst open and a familiar redhead strutted into the room like he owned the place. Which he very much did not.
“There you are!” Shanks beamed as he reached Buggy, slinging his one arm around Buggy’s shoulders and dragging him close enough to press his cheek against Buggy’s. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you!”
“Shanks?” Buggy sounded bewildered but also kind of happy. “Why are you here?”
“I need a reason to see my favorite people now?” Shanks asked, his lower lip sliding towards a pout. Crocodile snagged his hook in the back of Buggy’s shirt and yanked him away from Shanks.
“You need a reason to enter our coven’s territory,” Crocodile snapped.
“Especially since you haven’t apologized for standing Buggy up last time,” Mihawk added, scowling. Buggy, who had been dangling from Crocodile’s hook in confusion, apparently remembered he was upset with the sphinx, crossing his arms and frowning at Shanks.
“That’s right! You can’t just march in here like everything is fine! You ditched me!” Buggy reminded him. Shanks stared at the three of them for a second, visibly debating between a charm offensive and giving in to their expectations. He must have been desperate, because he took Buggy’s hand and stared earnestly into his eyes as he spoke again.
“I apologize, Buggy. I should have reached out sooner. I’ve been so distracted with-“
“Day drinking,” Crocodile muttered.
“Being awake all day even though the rest of us are nocturnal,” Mihawk added with a disapproving frown of his own.
“-with keeping an eye on Luffy,” Shanks finished like he hadn’t heard them. “Did you know-“
“That he’s a dragon and dating Trafalgar? Yes, I did,” Buggy sniffed. Shanks blinked at him, then grinned brightly.
“Of course you already knew. You always know the best gossip,” Shanks chuckled. The worst part was, that was definitely genuine. Mihawk rolled his eyes at the way Buggy melted and maybe blushed a little, even if Mihawk knew that he himself was also weak to Shanks’ earnest praise. “Tell me how I can make it up to you. To all of you, for how I haven’t paid attention to you three lately,” Shanks insisted.
“Did you forget you and I aren’t actually dating each other?” Crocodile scoffed.
“But we’re both dating these two, so I’m sure you’ve been mad at me recently, too,” Shanks replied. That was the problem with Shanks, Mihawk reflected. He was too damn sincere when it mattered.
“Shut up and do whatever those two want,” Crocodile grumbled. He addressed Mihawk and Buggy as he finished, “Don’t do anything that will keep the two of you from doing your usual tasks.” Mihawk smirked a little, while Buggy grinned and blushed.
“Oh, don’t worry, Croc,” Mihawk assured him. “We’ll see you in the evening.” Shanks was the one with something to make up for, after all, not Buggy or Mihawk. Crocodile rolled his eyes at them, but told them to have fun as he waved them off.