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Since they were kids Harry's always felt like his home is wherever his best friend, Zayn, is. He knew that he loved him right from the start, but somehow it never felt right and there was always this annoying feeling at the back of his head, that's how he knew he'll never tell Zayn how he feels.
It was so hard to be so near Zayn for all those years, knowing he can't do anything about those stupid butterflies making him feel sick everytime Zayn says his name.
It became even harder when he turned 13 and Zayn acted like he doesn't care about him anymore, like he was too cool to spend time with his kid of a friend. Zayn was 18 back then, he changed so much...One day he left and didn't say a word, left Harry all alone in his room, not understanding what did he do to deserve this.
Harry started to think that maybe Zayn wasn't stupid, just connected the dots and found out about Harry's crush, maybe Zayn just didn't want to spend time with someone like Harry? Curly boy never really thought about all these blond girls Zayn used to drag back home, it hit him right in the chest. Harry liked Zayn, Zayn liked blonde girls, not a big thing, not a big boundarie, right?
*
When he thought he's moved on, forgot about dark haired boy (now a man) with long eyelashes, said boy suddenly comes back, ruining everything. Being a 17 year-old has never been harder...
"Harry" Zayn says with a gentle voice. He looks so mature, he's 22 now.
"Why-"
"Harry-"
"No" Harry says firmly "I deserve to ask you about something first"
"Go on then" he sighs, running his hand in his hair. It grew so long, he can probably tie it in a bun.
"Why, why didn't you say goodbye?" he asks, trying to keep his voice still.
"'Cause I knew I'll be coming back"
And with that everything changes.
*
Harry has obviously dreamt about it dozens of times, but never expected for it to come true. Feeling of Zayn's hands on his skin is something unforgettable, gives him shivers only thinking about it.
Zayn came from a party, he was drunk and there was no girl by his side, he cuddled Harry and acted so clingy that if it wasn't Harry, somebody could feel uncomfortable.
"Come on kiddo" he's whispered against Harry's neck. That's all the effort he had put into getting Harry in his bed. Younger boy knew that it was wrong, that he's in love and Zayn's drunk but he couldn't stop himself.
One thing he didn't know is that it'll become a regular thing and it won't be easy.
*
Now Harry is almost 19, Zayn almost 24 and they're still sleeping with each other. Harry feels like shit every fucking time Zayn leaves him alone, laying naked on the bed.
For past few years they've been living together as roommates, Harry's started uni, Zayn's almost done.
One day Harry breaks this unsaid rule and while they're having sex he kisses Zayn. It's not that bad, actually it's the best feeling in the world, because Zayn kisses him back and cuddles him closer. The thing is that after they finish, Zayn leaves as though fire burns under his feet, not saying a word, he also takes his cigarettes, which he's promised Harry not to smoke any more.
*
They've been avoiding each other for two weeks and Harry's had enough.
"I'm moving out" he says simply, facing Zayn's back.
"You can't" Harry sees Zayn's knuckles turning white on the counter.
"I know I fucked up, you don't have to pretend, just know I'm sorry, that's all"
"No Harry" he finally turns his face to Harry. "You're not the one who should apologize"
"Wha-"
"I shouldn't have started this fucking thing going on between us"
"What do you mean? That we've been fucking for almost 2 years?"
"Hary was it just sex for you?" he asks helplessly, Harry doesn't know what's going on, he's the one who should've ask such things, he's the one being in love with his best friend.
"Well was it something else?"
"Yes! It was for me!"
"What the fuck Zayn! Why haven't you told me?! I thought you didn't feel anything! You were the one who'd bring girls and don't give a fuck if I'm home or not!"
"Harry how could I tell you I love you after-" he stops himself to take a breath, the whole room spins for both of them.
"After what?"
"Harry you were only 17! Why didn't you tell me to stop?!" now he's shaking. It hits Harry what Zayn means.
"Z-Zayn-"
"I'm so sorry Harry, fuck it's so pointless, it's been 2 years!" he looks so angry at himself, he has tears in his eyes, as well as Harry.
"Zayn you did nothing wrong! I wanted it!"
"How could you know?! You were 17 Harry!"
"Stop saying that! I've been in love with you since I was 6! I knew exactly what I wanted!"
"Y-you what?'
"Don't make me say this again, don't act like you're stupid, It's not like I wasn't obvious"
"I-i just don't understand why didn't you stop throughout all these years?"
"You bet I wished that one day I won't be in love with my straight best friend"
"That's so fucked up Harry" he sighs, his eyes red.
"Zayn do you have any feelings for me? he asks shyly.
"What the- of course I fucking do! I've just told you that"
"Didn't hear you" Harry tries to break the tension and smile, he still can't believe that Zayn in fact feels the same.
"Oh stop it-"
"You know I don't think what we've done when I was 17 was wrong, right? I don't blame you Zayn. I just want to know if I really have to move out or are you willing to try to sort this shit out with me?"
"Of course I'm willing, you dumbass" he says wiping his dried tears. Harry comes closer and puts his shaking hands in Zayn's arms. "Harry" Zayn sighs and puts his forehead on Harry's, breathing in his scent.
"Can I kiss you?" the younger boy asks, not even waiting for an answer, he just kisses Zayn right there.