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Maybe, it was Till’s sharpness. Maybe it was his own desperation. Or maybe fate was to be blamed for all of this.
The cruel twist of fate, that tore them away from each other but now placed them both beside one another once again, like they had never once left each other the days prior.
Yes, it must be fate’s fault, because Till would never leave him alone if he was not fated to fall in love with Mizi. Because if it were not for his fate to be so deeply in love with Till, Ivan would have ran away from the garden even if it meant leaving Till.
It was because of fate that pulled Ivan to a boy who could never love him the way he love’s the boy.
Thanks to that fate, at least he could feel the warmth of Till’s humanity and love, even if it never was meant to be directed to him. At least, Till’s bright and shining rebellious nature was what made Ivan feel human just by standing right beside him.
Because of fate’s cruelty, even when the body beside him had stopped moving, at least he was there to witness the warmth and coldness of the man he loves, the only one he can ever love.
No one else can make him feel human like Till does to him, no one else can shine as bright as falling meteorites and shooting stars do like Till does in his eyes and no one, no one else, can make Ivan risk it all like Till does for him.
Ivan has thought over what could happen in their round.
Maybe he will win, killing the man he loves in the process, then kill himself right afterwards, stealing a gun from one of those alien guards, so at least they can be together. If what was stopping them from being together was because they were alive, allowing Till to love another, then maybe if they both died, fate could stop messing up their lives.
But Ivan knows, he knows he would rather hear Till sing about his unrequited love for Mizi for the second time than overpower his voice just to “win” and watch him die in front of his eyes.
So maybe he will just stand beside a heartbroken Till while comforting him through the love in his gaze and silence.
Ivan always observes Till, no matter what or where they are. Afterall, from the first time they met, Ivan’s eyes were drawn to the boy and he could never let his eyes wander anywhere else if Till was around.
Till wouldn’t look back at Ivan, he bets he will stare into the crowd hoping to see that familiar pink hair someone in between the crowd of crazy aliens and their pets who were forced to watch them sing to their deaths.
Maybe, Till will win and Ivan can finally be free from this nightmare, from the fear of the chance of Till dying and leaving him in this world behind.
He will embrace his death with open arms, cause it was Till who killed him.
There were so many possibilities.
Yet of course, life never goes as planned.
No. Till was not suppose to die according to how he liked.
They were supposed to be together Till the end.
The body lying limp in his arms was not supposed to be cold.
It was not supposed to be Till’s.
And it was not him who was to cry at the other’s death.
Ivan cursed fate for this,
If fate was less cruel and intent on playing with Ivan’s feelings as if he is nothing more than a toy doll, maybe, maybe he could have protected Till from his impending doom.