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It has been an easy decision to make; Mouse wanted to go back to the rangers and that was something that Jay would never be able to do. He could understand why he wanted to go back, he could see the reasoning but he couldn’t follow Mouse. And so, the decision was easy for them both to make. Part ways, end their relationship, but be friends no matter what.
Jay knew that he would always be the homing beacon that Mouse needed after a deployment. He would always be there to piece the broken parts together.
So when Mouse turned up at Ruzek’s wedding, it wasn’t a surprise when they both ended up on the dance floor. With Erin encouraging everyone to dance, of course they ended up dancing together. As Jay felt Mouse’s hand drift to his waist, everything stopped, the music drifted away and time came to a stand still. It was as if it was just him and Mouse again.
There was something about that moment that made him stop and just be. It was the first time since Mouse left that the racing thoughts, the nightmares of Afghanistan drifted away. And maybe he wasn’t just Mouse’s homing beacon, maybe Mouse was his safe harbour. He could finally breathe; he could finally stop and relax.
He didn’t realise how much he had drifted as they continued to dance. He didn’t realise that he had gotten so lost in the feeling that he was completely unaware of what was happening around him, to him. Not until Mouse started to whisper in his ear.
“Hey Jay, you with me?” Mouse still had his slight stutter. It was far better than it had been the last time that he had come back from Afghanistan; it was almost as if the racing that he normally experienced in his mind had finally quietened. It was as if he was on solid ground this time.
“Yeah, I’m good, Mouse,” Jay finally answered as he pulled back from where he had been trying to hide his head against Mouse’s own head. If he had thought about it, he would have realised how intimate their position would look to everyone else. “Sorry,” he added as he fully pulled back.
He had felt as if he had been floating with his feet off the ground, but now that he thought about it, he realised that it was something that he needed to consider Mouse’s feelings in as well. He loved the man, no matter what he always would, which was why he had to back away. He had to give him space, he had to give him time, he had to give Mouse a chance to be happy.
The dance floor was packed, no one would notice him slipping away and that was exactly what Jay was going to do. He let his hand slip away from Mouse and turned back towards the table where they had been sitting only ten minutes earlier. He couldn’t do this; he couldn’t dance with Mouse as if he meant nothing, as if them both holding each other like that was nothing.
He had just got to the edge of the dance floor when he felt Mouse’s hand grasp his own. He wanted to jerk it away, he wanted to avoid any conversation, but he refused to make a scene at Ruzek’s wedding. It was his friend’s day and he would not draw any attention to himself.
“Jay, just…” Mouse stopped his sentence there as he held onto Jay’s hand, using it as a means to pull himself closer to the taller man. “I don’t want it to be like this, Jay. You are my… everything. I still love you, but I understand if you can’t. Just don’t… don’t run away.”
Jay spun on his heel so that he was facing Mouse and in that moment, time stood still again because as he looked at him, he could remember every single reason he had fallen in love with the man. He could remember every single reason that Mouse had been his safe harbour since they had been in high school.
“I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” Jay’s confession was refuted as soon as it had left his mouth as Mouse stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss.
“Maybe, we shouldn’t have made that decision so easily, maybe we should see how we work again.”
It was a promise and it was exactly what Jay had dreamed of. The decision had only been easy to make because they both thought it was what the other had wanted and needed. However the feeling of Mouse’s lips and their interlocked fingers was what Jay really needed and now it was back.