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“Jesse?” Petra walked up behind her, unintentionally startling Jesse.
”Petra.” She responded, the cold air conveniently passing by.
The two sat on the staircase that led up to The Order Hall, watching the stars up in the sky.
The silence was almost deafening for the two.
Maybe she doesn’t want me here,
Petra thought, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing coming out. She started slowly getting up.
”I’ll leave you here.-“
”Please, stay.”
Petra stopped, sitting back down. Okay, maybe she does.
”Are you.. okay?” She uttered out, not used to the sentimental kind of stuff.
Those words stung, and Jesse’s arms wrapped around herself to keep warm. “I.. don’t know. I feel, tired?.”
Petra rested her hand on Jesse’s shoulder, hesitating. “Do you wanna talk about it?” She moved closer, and Jesse looked over.
It wasn’t very easy to see their expressions in the dark sky, but they both knew how Jesse looked. Tired. Exhausted.
“..Yeah.”
Jesse smiled slightly, and Petra started. “So.. why haven’t you been sleeping?”
A moment passed by, and Jesse turned to look forward again. “I’m working on it.”
..
”But every time I try to close my eyes..” She paused, leaning over and covering her face with both her hands. “I see him. Reuben just.. lying there.”
Petra’s eyes widened slightly. She knew Jesse was hurting, but not this bad.
“I’m sorry.”
”I miss him so, so much, Petra. I just can’t sleep.”
Before Petra knew it, Jesse started sobbing. It started off as a faint sniffle, and turned into a fit.
”I— I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.” Jesse could barely get the words out before she started sobbing again.
“Jesse, what do you mean?” Petra’s expression dropped, seeing the worst.
”I wanted to die, Petra. I wanted to be there for him. But I was too scared to do it, too scared to kill myself.”
Petra was.. appalled. To say the least.
”I didn’t know..” Petra trailed off. She moved closer, wrapping her arms around Jesse in a tight embrace. Jesse just cried into her shoulder.
”It felt so surreal. The— the moment I tried to do it. I stopped because I thought about you.. I didn’t want to leave you behind. I didn’t want to leave all of you behind.”
Petra slowly let go, holding her hands. “Jesse, I can’t even imagine what it’d be like if you weren’t here.”
”When I had Wither, you tried to take me with you guys to the Farlands, but I couldn’t because I was too weak. You don’t have to be sorry for something that wasn’t your fault.”
Jesse stood silent, looking back up at the stars. “I know..”
”Petra, do you know what it feels like, almost falling to death?”
Her voice was calm and sincere, putting Petra at ease. Petra just looked at her, worried. But she didn’t answer.
”..Peaceful. It felt peaceful. Like I was floating. But then I hit the water, realizing that I was still in the middle of trouble. Exactly how every, single, day was before that.”
Wiping her tears away, she rested her head on Petra’s shoulder. Petra tensed, but just let it happen.
”You know I’d do anything for you, right?” She said out loud, smiling.
”Yeah. I know,” Jesse blinked, putting her hand in Petra’s.
”I’m sorry if I wasn’t much help. I just figured you needed somebody to lean on.” Petra spoke, feeling a warmth inside of her that helped with the cold air.
”I’m sorry, too.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
”I could say the same thing.” Jesse chuckled. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while, until Jesse broke it.
“Time to go back inside? I’m tired.”
”I agree. Let’s go.” Petra got up, Jesse walking alongside her.
”.. You know I love you, right?”
“I—“ Petra was caught off-guard, heat rushing to her face.
”I know.”