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Kaveh is highly self-aware, perhaps a little too much. He knows this when he catches himself frowning, his lips turning up into a pout, on his way to spit a few loud words here and there and cause yet another commotion in their small household of three. He manages to stop himself this time, the air rising to his throat making him cough a little, earning an amused smirk from his husband.
“Al.Hai.Tham. You-”
“Hush now, my darling Astra. Our little flower is about to fall asleep.”
“I know.” Kaveh mumbles, looking at their precious daughter wrapped up in a bundle of blankets and surrounded by several different plush toys, most of them handmade. Astra. That was new. It seems Alhaitham had picked up on the habit of finding new pet names for him to hear, at least he hasn’t been the same ‘sweetheart’ since yesterday. Last week was ‘darling’ too. Was it a Haravatat thing? “You should probably get ready for bed too.”
His husband shrugs. “I’m not too tired yet.” He stretches his arms, fluffing his daughter’s hair once more before standing up from her bedside. On the table stood his unfinished book, haphazardly placed near the edge.
“You? Passing up the chance to sleep? Hayi, come on, you know you need it.”
Alhaitham surprises him by a sweet peck on the lips, extremely light, catching Kaveh off-guard. “I know what I need.”
Kaveh’s face heats up, but at this point he’s too weak to fight. “If you’re craving a midnight snack, there’s some rose pudding our neighbor had brought us, quite a lot of it too.”
“Oh? I thought I heard someone this morning. Did she say anything?”
Kaveh shakes his head. “Not much, just..” His eyes trail over Alhaitham’s figure, currently supporting his weight by placing a hand on the wall. He’d been very perceptive lately, and quite curious. Somehow the thought of it makes his heart itch.
“Mn?”
“Nothing she… she said she made too much custard.”
“Really? I thought I heard you two have quite a lengthy chat.”
“Then you do know what we talked about!”
“No, I fell asleep right after.”
She said you’ve changed. You don’t go to work at the same time anymore, she doesn’t hear your keys- or mine, rather, jingle at nighttime once you’ve finished work. I say you’re still quite the same. I say it even if you talk a lot more, and sleep a lot less. It’s a lot more rational to follow the doctor’s orders and yet you…
“Just local gossip, and some advice about plants. All I said was whatever I heard from Nari before. Then she asked about Lily, her wellbeing and all that.”
Al Haitham nods, finding Kaveh a bit more quiet than usual. It’s something he’s been doing quite a lot, he’d talk for a while then eventually simmer down into a quiet whisper, Alhaitham had to prompt him.
“Lucky there is much to say, no? Our flower is as energetic as always.”
Kaveh smiles. “She is. Alright now, let’s get going, we’ve stayed far too long in her room, she might wake up.”
Alhaitham agrees, following Kaveh’s footsteps as he closes the door. Kaceh picks up the book from his hand and wraps his arm around his, a steady hold to match his pace as they make their way to the living room. It used to be quite a short distance and now…
“I’ll bring out the custards, sit down for a minute.” Kaveh says, stepping foot into the room.
Once the architect was alone in the kitchen, he began to busy himself by preparing the utensils, picking the dessert cups which were on the cupboards that only Alhaitham used most of the time. The left door had always been a bit loose due to the fact that his husband used his left hand for most of his movements except writing.
Silently, he prepares the dessert, taking some time to compose himself. His hands had been shaking, did his husband notice?
Last morning, Lily almost had a meltdown- which their neighbour heard. She brought out some custards to soothe her, even if Kaveh was quite flustered. Alhaitham had slept through the first part of the commotion, luckily enough because it was mainly about him anyway. Little Lily had wanted Alhaitham to carry her to school tomorrow, and Kaveh had to explain that he was occupied. Not that he couldn’t because Kaveh knew that he still would but the doctor had said not to strain himself even more, and it took Kaveh every inch of his strength not to break down as well because he always knew that Lily preferred being carried by Alhaitham. He wonders if this would have to do with some sort of memory- as a baby, Alhaitham would often hold her and bring her around to his work, surely she’d be too young to remember, but perhaps babies could retain such memories by touch alone.
By the time Lily had turned 1, it was Kaveh who was doing most of the work outside while Alhaitham took care of the household matters. He would always come home to Lily telling him all sorts of stories that her father had told her. Some from the books, and some from scratch.
Much to his surprise, the Alhaitham Lily had grown up with was one that talked a lot, smiled a lot, and stayed awake most of the day. Ultimately this persona started to bleed through to even Kaveh.
He’s changed. Their neighbor tells him, she knew Alhaitham first. And he has. Kaveh has to accept that he has, but maybe, he can blame it on the fact that he’s been quieter himself because he can’t say a sentence or two longer without breaking down. He goes to sleep so he can wake up early tomorrow, prepare his husband’s medicine and find that Alhaitham has traded sleep for the conscious moment of staring at his beloved right before he goes away.
He sits on this long sofa that has long been transferred to the bedroom along with his favourite books, it’s become harder to stray further from where his medications are and yet he persists.
He says just about anything to make time linger and Kaveh thinks he’s changed. Perhaps, Alhaitham has become stronger and Kaveh has always been weaker.
After a few moments, Kaveh finishes up in the kitchen and brings out a tray to the coffee table. Alhaitham waits with a book in hand, and only then does Kaveh find that there are no words in it. Inside are several pictures pasted on by colorful glue, one of Alhaitham carrying both a baby Lily and Kaveh, then another of Lily playing by a pond. Alhaitham’s eyes linger on it intensely, before flipping to another page where it had only Kaveh’s old photos from their days in the Akademiya.
“There are things we cannot run away from.”
Kaveh stays still. “What are you saying?”
“Like me meeting you.”
“You are blaming yourself again, I told you already there is no fault, you’re going to be okay and I-”
“Padisarah. I am so…” Alhaitham knows he’ll hate it when he hears another apology and yet-
“Don’t you dare apologize- don’t…”
For this time, he obeys. Taking Kaveh’s hand and kissing it instead. “Alright, another time, then.”
He feels Kaveh’s hand warm up upon such words.
“Yes. My dear husband is very obedient, let’s save the fighting for next time.”