Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The atmosphere of the party was almost dream-like. Turkish couldn't keep up. Things were moving at twice the speed and the only thing that could be heard were the sounds of bousting music, dramatic yelling, and the stomping of shoes. Pretty cinematic for a sweet 16'.

This hadn't been the first party that Turkish had been too, but it certainly was the best. He could feel the energy radiating from his bones, it felt so amazing. And the best thing about it was the way Blue Tie Kid stared at him. Like he meant something.

He had felt a heavy thumping in his chest, probably from all the adjusting that came from being with such a large group of people. But Suddenly things felt lighter, and the night went smoother. Turkish had to admit that the way he felt from just the look of Blue Tie wasn't just by accident.

For a while now he had always felt like he and Blue Tie Kid had always had some type of connection. Whether that had been from the years that they had spent with each other as children, or they're familiarity with each other from being such close friends in general. There was something there, he just didn't know how to bring it up.

Even then, there had been some tension between the two, and Turkish couldn't help but feel it now.

"You were really workin' it up on the dance floor", Blue Tie said. Sweat was visible from the top of his forehead, probably from dancing so hard. His hair looked unbelievably greasy, which for some reason was attractive to Turkish, to his dismay.

He leaned against the island that was seated far away from the rest of the party, but close enough to where you could still see people dancing.

He planted himself near Turkish, his eyes glossed over his and a slight smirk came across his face. He was in a good mood, Turkish concluded.

"Yeah.. I'm sorta out of breath.. how'd you do all of that dancing?"

A smug smirk came across Blue Tie Kid's , obviously happy to have been recognized for something. "It's no big deal, guess the energy sort of just came to me".

"I could tell" Turkish responded, smiling back at him fondly.

There was a small silence for a moment between the two, and in that moment you could tell just how much the two liked each other. Admiring each other in a way.

The silence was broken by the sudden yelling of Tomato Boy, screaming about how they were about to cut the cake or something.

"Well we should get back to the party then" Blue Tie Kid said almost hesitantly.

"I was gonna go get some fresh air actually.." Turkish responded, imitating the group leaders hesitance. It was like they were both waiting for something to happen. And for some reason Turkish wanted to be the first to open up that possiblity.

"Oh" Blue responded dumbfounded. "If you want I can come out with you, it's pretty dark".

Before Turkish even had time to respond Blue was ahead of him, walking towards the door.

The outside air compared to inside was relieving, he could finally breathe, and it didn't feel like he was on constant edge from all the noise and dancing. He handnt even realized how overwhelmed he was until now.

It was somewhat cold but that was to be expected since it was only spring. His blazer allowed for him to have some comfort though.

As he stepped onto the sidewalk away from the building where the party was taking place he looked at Blue Tie, who to his own surprise was already staring at him.

He smiled, "So how's life with the girlfriend going?". Saying the first thing that came to mind was one of Turkish's most unredeemable qualities that even Tomato Boy complained about on some occasions.

Blue frowned and shrugged, "It's fine I guess.. could be better though". Turkish, suprised by the ignorant response stares at Blue Tie, confused by his irritation on the subject. Blue has always seemed to have a 'Frat Boy' prototype, so when he got a girlfriend it seemed to be the most reasonable thing he could do. But now judging by his reaction, things were certainly different.

His silence must have been threatening because Blue began staring at him again, except this time with a glimmer in his eye, "What? Did you except something else?" His playful demeanor showing.

"Hah, nah." He paused, "I mean, I don't know I guess I was just excepting something more cinematic".

Blue laughs, "What? Like a love confession or something?"

"Yeah.."

"You'd probably like that" Blue responds nonchalantly.

"What? Is that supposed to be offensive or something" Turkish responds, confused on how the conversation came to this point. "Only if you want it be" Blue kid turns to Turkish, staring at him meticulously.

He stops talking and lowers his gaze to his lips, looking at him expectantly. Turkish, finally understanding what all this banter was for, slowly leans closer until they're in close vicinity within eachother that there lips finally touch.

The kiss is slow, but effective. The body heat radiating off of the both of them makes it easier for them to stay in the cold. Making the kiss feel even more amazing.

When they finally pull away from eachother Turkish feels a sense of newfound growth. Like he'd just ran a marathon or something, he stares at Blue and excepts to see the same. Some expression of accomplishment, or even embarrassment. But instead he see's nothing but regret. Turkish frowns in confusion.

"What's wrong?" Turkish responds, wanting to make whatever wrong he did right.

"I.. I can't do this." Blue responds, his confident demeanor changing. He fixes his composure before rushing to go back inside until a hand pulls on his wrist.

"Blue! What's wrong what did I do?" A troubled expression was planted across his face. Blue just stares at him, like he's lost his voice.

"I can't.. love you. It's too much." He responds, refusing to make eye contact with his lover.

"Blue I promise whatever I did I'll make it up to you." He looks away before continuing, "You don't know how much I've wanted you; since the first day I met you I knew you were-"

"Stop Turkish, please"

"No! I love you why don't you understand that?"

Blue doesn't respond.

"Why can't you accept that?"

Blue hesitantly responds, "Because your not a girl."

The answer is almost deafening, the only thing that Turkish can do is pull his hand away. Letting Blue Tie go.

Seeing it as a sign to make his leave, he removes himself from the scene, walking towards the door to the building. Looking back only for a moment, before being swept away by the party. Leaving Turkish to his own thoughts once again.

Chapter Text

Things had been tense since the last time he had spoken to Turkish, which had been the night before. He didn't remember much after leaving, having danced so much that he was suffering from a staggering headache that was surely not going away anytime soon.

He had to admit that he did feel some type of regret for his actions. But it wasn't his fault that he reacted that way! He had too. Things were at stake.

He had a girlfriend, an athletic career, and a reputation to uphold! How was he supposed to tell his friends that he was secretly gay this entire time and was engaging in a romantic relationship with Turkish! It would be chaotic.

And it was too much for him to handle, especially with the raging headache he was handling, which was why he needed a distraction. He thought about calling his girlfriend, one of the main reasons he was invited to the party in the first place. They had been together for less than a year but it felt like an eternity. He thought he was happy, but ever since his recent realization he can't help but feel like he's been missing something in his life.

It wasn't like he didn't love his girlfriend, he was just having second thoughts. Thoughts a man with a girlfriend shouldn't even be having at all.. like the feeling of Turkish's lips on his, the way he stared at him, the way he spoke his heart out to him. His girlfriend had never did that.

He knew it was wrong, wrong to think this way, but he was so confused. Confused about everything, it was like all that had happened in the past year was a lie. Like he was just gaining consciousness, finally realizing who he was. And he hated it.

Yet, In a way.. it all made sense, from the moment that he stepped into that party, he had so much energy, and then seeing Turkish move so freely; it was the cherry on top to such an amazing night, he didn't think things could go better.

But he should have known by the way Turkish looked at him the way he wanted so badly for his approval, for him to see him. He should've known.

How long has Turkish been looking at him like that? How long has these feelings been there? Were they always there? Was he just developing them now?

He thought back to the words he spoke to Turkish. How he wished so badly for him to be the right person, to be the girl of his dreams. 'Everything would be fine if he was just a girl!' He thought in the moment. But now as he was looking back, he couldn't help but realize that he didn't want any girl. He didnt even want his own girlfriend. Now he understands, he finally does. He wanted Turkish.

He got up from his spot on the bed, having been there for the past hour reminiscing. He threw on his hoodie and made his way out the door, ready to squash this misconclusion once and for all.

As he stepped outside he shivered slightly. He doesn't know what Blue Tie wants nor does he think it's anything good. Ever since his rejection he's been feeling torn, yet his feelings feel even stronger.

...

When he got the text to meet him at the local Starbucks he stared in disbelief. Was he rejecting him softly or wanting to start something new? He couldn't tell.

As he made his way up the street, he was brought to the sight of Blue Tie holding a bouquet of flowers, looking slightly nervous, yet intrigued.

He felt a warm feeling intrude him, but he kept composure and continued walking towards his target.

"What do you want" Turkish said In the most uninterested voice possible, he was trying his hard to not seem excited, he didn't know what was in store for him, and just incase this was secretly a rejection disguised as a confession, he was gonna make sure that he wasn't embarrassed; not like last time.

Blue chuckled before scratching the back of his neck nervously, "So I see you got my text, huh.." he smiled at Turkish, waiting for a response that was seemingly never coming, so he continued "I've been thinking what you said last night over.. and I'm sorry".

"Sorry for what?" Turkish responded, expectantly.

"For saying that to you, wishing that you were somebody else.. Im sorry." He looked away, refusing to let Turkish see the painful expression on his face. "I never meant for it to be this way, it all happened so quickly.. I-"

"Do you love me?" Blue was cut off by Turkish's outlandish question.

".. What?" Blue hesitantly responds. "I said do you love me, if your so sorry about what you've done than you should know what you want." It's said with so much courageousness, Blue can't help but agree.

"I.. I think I do" He looks at Turkish, who stares at him with hurtful eyes. "I'm not gonna wait for somebody who can't answer a simple question" "It's not that simple!" Blue yelled, lifting himself up from his seat. People were eyeing them, trying to see what was causing all the commotion.

"Than what is Blue?.. what is? Do you know how long I've waited for you, how long I've sat back and watched you laugh with her, be the right wing man while you sat back and lived your life!" He wiped tears away from his eyes, "I love you Blue! I do! But if you don't know what you want then-"

He was cut off with a swift kiss, Blue rested his hand on the back of Turkish's next, reassuring him by pressing on the back of his neck with his hand.

Turkish resisted at first, before kissing back. It was like last night all over again, but this time it felt more consensual, more free. Something magical.

When they finally pulled away from eachother, there wasn't any feeling of regret, or anguish, everything felt just fine. The two shared a look of admirance towards eachother. And in that moment It felt like the only two there at the outdoor restaurant was them.

"So.. what about your girlfriend?" Turkish inquired thoughtfully.

"We'll worry about that later" Blue smiled before pulling Turkish in for another kiss, with a sense of something more to come.