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“Who are you looking for?” Maxim asked. His hand closed around my arm, a silent reprimand.
“Robert.” I allowed him to pull me closer. I suppose it was undignified, standing on tiptoes to look for a footman. “I want him to fetch Mrs Danvers.”
“What for?”
I cast around for an answer. “That dish over there looks almost empty. It should have been refilled already.”
“I doubt you have to tell her that personally,” Maxim said dismissively. “That woman runs like clockwork. She’ll have given instructions.”
“I just—“ Maxim’s fingers twitched around my arm when I continued to argue. “You always want me to take a more active part in all this. I’m just trying to be a good hostess. I… I want to make you proud. Make you happy.”
Maxim shook his head, but there was amusement in his eyes now. “Go speak to her then, if it soothes you. I’ll be here waiting.”
“Thank you, Maxim.” I stood on tiptoe again and kissed him on the cheek.
I instructed Robert to send Mrs Danvers into the morning room. I went there to wait, leaning against the desk in the low light of the lamp over by the divan. She did not keep me waiting for long.
“Danny.” My face broke into a wide smile before I even knew what I was doing.
“Hush, I haven’t closed the door.”
“Hurry up then,” I said and giggled a little. Everything seemed brighter now that she was here, everything was more fun.
“You’ve had too much champagne.”
“I’ve had no more than anybody else.”
“Then you’re a leightweight.”
“Maybe.” I held out a hand. After a moment’s hesitation she came to meet me. “You’d know better than I do.”
“Now you’re verging into the vulgar.” She looked almost as stern as Maxim had earlier, but underneath her frown was something I never found with him: deep and lasting tenderness.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my head on her shoulder. She humoured me, but I could feel her looking over her shoulder, checking that the door was still closed, that we were safe.
“I wish you could come out there with me.” I murmured the words against the side of her throat.
“I will be out there with you.” Her hands were on my hips, steadying me. Always so steady. My Danny. “Unheard and unseen as a good servant ought to be.”
“Well I don’t want that.” I knew I was being petulant, but the injustice of our situation weighed even heavier on me now that the champagne had loosened my tongue. “I want you loud and very very visible.”
She sighed and held me tighter. “My darling. You’d do well not to long for all sorts of things you can’t have.”
“But I have you, don’t I?”
“Always.”
“That’s good.” I drew back. I needed to see her, needed her to look at me. Her frown had dissolved into a small sad smile. I leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth, then turned her to face me properly. I was not too drunk to gauge her reaction, to anticipate how far she might dare to go in this unlocked room with dozens of people outside. Still, I had not reached her limit quite yet. I stood on tiptoe and kissed her again, my lips gentle against hers. I felt her sigh, but she did not push me away. She held me, and kissed me, and shook her head when my kisses became deeper, more demanding.
“Not here.”
“I know.”
“Maybe later.”
“Yes, maybe.”
We were both thinking the same thing. Maybe tonight, after Maxim had gone to sleep, I would find my way to her bed or she to mine. Always quiet. Always careful. Maxim could never know. No one could ever know.
“I had better go,” Danny said. She untangled herself from my embrace, patted my cheek. “Make myself invisible.”
“And I’ll go play Mrs de Winter.” I did my best to feign enthusiasm.
“You’re getting very good at it, you know.”
“You have to say that.”
Danny shrugged. Before I could hold her back, she had made her way to the door, had opened it a crack, ready to slip outside when no one was looking.
“Mrs Danvers,” I called. She turned. “There was one thing—”
“I gave orders for more asparagus to be brought upstairs ten minutes ago. I noticed it was running low.”
“Oh, I… alright. Thank you, Mrs Danvers.”
She gave me a curt nod and left the room, closing the door behind her.